Asked him to come clean to his girlfriend about us (Page 2)

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Undine
@Undine
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To continue my point about why Lotus has been taken advantage off, here are some extracts indicating similar rules on your side of the ocean:

Mentors should also be familiar with their institutional policies and seek appropriate guidance from them. For example, the faculty handbook at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County forbids all faculty from amorous and sexual relationships with all individuals over whom they have evaluative authority, stating that the evaluative authority faculty have —diminishes the student's freedom of choice in amorous and sexual relationships, even when no coercion is intended by the faculty member?? (University of Maryland, Baltimore County Board of Regents, 2002, pp. 13—41). This directive is representative of those found in the faculty handbooks of many institutions. While the directive does not mention mentoring specifically, this directive applies to faculty members and their interactions with students in all capacities.

The overall objective of such guidelines is the protection of the student/prot?g?. Prot?g?s function at the lower end of a power differential and are trusting of, and dependent on, faculty mentors. While it is clear that sexually intimate relationships between mentors and prot?g?s are invariably harmful and are to be avoided, some other types of boundary crossings and multiple roles may be quite appropriate, as long as they do not exploit the power imbalance in the relationship or take advantage of the student's dependence and trust. It is hoped that being a professor, research supervisor, and mentor would be seen very differently than being a professor and a student's psychotherapist or a professor and a student's business partner. The potential for impaired objectivity and judgment on the part of the faculty member and the potential for harm to the student/prot?g? should seem very different in these situations.

Full article available at http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/13611260701800900#.UrBrV4VD6Hk<BR>
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P-Angel
@P-Angel
20 Years25,000+ PostsPisces

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Posted by Undine

Lotus has been taken advantage of. She's under my protection on this forum.







Under YOUR protection?

Doesn't look like you can defend yourself against me ... so, how exactly are you going to protect her?

Additionally, have the light gone off in your head yet that Lotus was willingly in a fwb relationship, or are you still subjecting yourself and believing this is about you and the love triangle you were in with the Cappy?
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shellshocker
@shellshocker
15 Years1,000+ Posts

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Posted by lotus
P-Angel, it is well known that in the UK, men are predators and you have to indulge them in their sexual desires. All you have to read is Pride and Prejudice; it explains everything. 🙂



lmao!! Modern women in the UK are still under the influence of the 1800s. It's a well known fact, actually. quote worthy!!!

thanks for that... i spit coffee all over my desk
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Undine
@Undine
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Posted by cornfuzzled4ever
I'm just wondering if the roles were reversed- if Lotus was a guy and the boss was a taken woman- would Lotus still be considered the victim?



"Taken woman?" Do you also say "taken man?" It sounds a bit like a take-away 🙂.

If you are asking me, please note that the term used was "taken advantage of" (not victim), with reference to teacher-student relationships, since Lotus was a student.

The answer to your question is yes. If I were a teacher having an affair with you, my student, I could be easily accused of unethical behaviour, abuse of power and taking advantage of you.



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lisabeth
@lisabethur8
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Posted by CuteGem
@Undine
The current man is no longer her boss. The relationship is continuing which it proof that the OP was not manipulated in any way to enter this relationship.
I know that you are supporting polyamory and open relationships but it seems that even under those rules the OP is in the wrong. Even in multiple open relationships all members have to have the choice to decide whether they want to be part of it or not. Obviously the gf did not have that choice. So your friend is in the wrong.
What I think is going on with the OP and reading about the other posts is that she needs to do some inner work and see why she has the need to get involved with emotionally unavailable men. It seems to me as a pattern of competing with other women for the man/prize.
A woman with higher confidence would not engage in such activities.



Very true. It's ALL or NOTHING.
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Scenic
@Scenic
13 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 273 · Posts: 5457 · Topics: 33
What I want to know is how many topics it will take before the OP actually does something about all these things she's complaining about. Not only that, but when she'll learn to think for herself and take action without constantly asking random strangers about what to do (and not taking the advice which leads to the problems continuing which leads to more threads being created and in turn it creates a continuous cycle).
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MissPirate
@MissPirate
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Posted by lotus
Posted by WaterCup
Bizzare indeed. What exactly was the reason behind the "come clean"?
Were they not together when you two started your affair?

Your situation is a bit confusing.



Yes, they were not together but got back together after a few months of us starting things. It's a bizzare situation because he was my boss until recently, so things needed to be kept secret. Since he is no longer my boss and she had suspected a few months ago that something was going on, I asked him to come clean. He struggled for a while with this decision and then did.
In her e-mail exchanges with me, she never said anything against me. She was saying bad things about him (especially his inability to make a decision) and how she has no idea what he wants. Hmmmm.
click to expand




You got together with a man who was free but then went back to his ex? Did he tell you he was getting/had gotten back with her? Why on earth would you continue seeing him at that point?

Shellshocker hit it on the head with this one. This guy is living it up because not one of you has the balls to tell him to GTF!

If you are a victim then it's because you choose to be.

*shrugs*

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Scenic
@Scenic
13 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 273 · Posts: 5457 · Topics: 33
Okay, so for all of you who still don't think this is a troll, let me show you what some simple digging did. I haven't even looked through the majority of posts.
There's this thread...asking to come clean to the gf, then there's another on the moon sign forum that says that she came clean to the gf...even though here it says the guy did the coming clean. Yet....





Even if she says "He lied to me. He said she knew when she didn't.", these two posts don't even match up. One says she knows about the relationship and the others says he's been accused by the gf of seeing OP. Well, of course she's seeing him. I thought the gf knew? But then...wait....now she says the gf didn't know at all? But....she found out just recently by him....or wait, no, by the OP? Oh god, which one is it! Nothing adds up.

Not to mention looking through the posts you can see that this person, if actually tells some truth at all, is almost verbally abusive to this guy. She mentions countless occasions of calling him stupid, idiot, and a jerk simply for not responding to things or being busy. I can post those, too, if you want. So, there ya have it.
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TaurusBull1977
@TaurusBull1977
16 Years1,000+ Posts

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LMAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOO
The fishes get it "crunked" on this board.

*Eating Popcorn*

This is better than a movie. You have Pride and Prejudice. The UK. Demi Moore in Disclosure ( but reverse gender roles). Sharon Stone spreading her legs for the cop, giving him a visual....in the OP's case... a Professor.

...And now the men, according to Undine's interpretation can have any woman to succumb to their desires. But, if he opts not to pursue a committed relationship, then this woman will be a victim.

LMAO!

I'm a feminist, and I still call Bullshit on that Gloria Steineim psychobabble.

Get the fuck outta here!
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TaurusBull1977
@TaurusBull1977
16 Years1,000+ Posts

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Posted by Scenic
Okay, so for all of you who still don't think this is a troll, let me show you what some simple digging did. I haven't even looked through the majority of posts.
There's this thread...asking to come clean to the gf, then there's another on the moon sign forum that says that she came clean to the gf...even though here it says the guy did the coming clean. Yet....









Wait!
There is more?
LMAAAAAAAAO!
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Scenic
@Scenic
13 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 273 · Posts: 5457 · Topics: 33
@Irresistable, the 50 year old professor is from a few years ago, back when lotus was 25. She didn't have any competition for that guy....imagine that. The pisces....I want to say is still older than her but maybe by 10 years? I forget. He's the one who doesn't give her attention unless she's backing away.

@Undine, lets all get rid of our egos for a second and focus on the fact that she was caught in a lie. You aren't denying that are you? If you look at the OP on this thread and the one on the Moon sign thread, they tell different stories as to what happened. And, if you look at the screenshots I posted you can see this isn't her first time lying.
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Undine
@Undine
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Comments: 1552 · Posts: 8895 · Topics: 11
Posted by Scenic
@Irresistable, the 50 year old professor is from a few years ago, back when lotus was 25. She didn't have any competition for that guy....imagine that. The pisces....I want to say is still older than her but maybe by 10 years? I forget. He's the one who doesn't give her attention unless she's backing away.

@Undine, lets all get rid of our egos for a second and focus on the fact that she was caught in a lie. You aren't denying that are you? If you look at the OP on this thread and the one on the Moon sign thread, they tell different stories as to what happened. And, if you look at the screenshots I posted you can see this isn't her first time lying.



Scenic, I don't read old threads. I know about the trouble Lotus got herself into from 30+ PMs. There is no reason to lie in them. She is practically a student looking for advice in the aftermath of an unfortunate relationship with her professor.

If anything, she's been provocative (aren't we all?) and a bit naive in her threads. She has not been in a "fuck buddy" or FWB relationship here, because Professors are neither buddies, nor friends with their students. They have the power of authority. They know better than the student how to proceed if they feel they can't hold it in their pants anymore (there is a university procedure for personal student-teacher relationships 🙂).
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Undine
@Undine
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Comments: 1552 · Posts: 8895 · Topics: 11
Posted by Scenic
@Undine, I'm talking about her recent threads. This one and the one on the moon sign forum which is newer. Look at it. She's lying. Whether she has a reason to lie or not, she has. She's not as innocent as you think she is.



OK. Below is what she said in both threads you mentioned, put together in the chronological order: Where is she suppose to lie?

"So, I asked my on/off Pisces lover to come clean to his on/off girlfriend about our affair of ten months. After lots of probing, he did. She sent me an e-mail saying that she was not surprised, he is the most indecisive person she's ever met, etc. She suggested we meet up for lunch tomorrow.

I had enough and told her everything. She ended things with him but he became furious with me for telling her. He called me on the phone, crying and yelling at the same time, accusing me of being a troublemaker and demanding to know what I told her. I calmly explained to him what I said to her and he deleted me from FB and other social networking sites, saying that he was too angry to ever talk to me again."


Also, below is the sequence of the events in her story, from the threads she wrote. Why is she vilified for by dxpnet?

1. Lotus becomes infatuated with her teacher.
2. The opportunity arises when he becomes single. They enter a sexual relationship.
3. The relationship is kept secret, most likely because he tells her the secrecy is in the interest of their teacher-student relationship.
4. Two months into the relationship, an ex comes back into his life, unaware of his relationship with Lotus.
5. The relationship continues as a triangle for several months, until Lotus graduates.
6. Lotus asks her now ex-teacher to make their relationship known to the other women in the triangle.
7. The two women involved talk to each other in a civilised manner.
8. The triangle breaks down.
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Scenic
@Scenic
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Comments: 273 · Posts: 5457 · Topics: 33
Okay, I don't mean to be rude because I like you, undine, but I've already told you where the inconsistencies are. Please pay attention this time.

In this thread she say that after probing, HE CAME CLEAN TO HIS GF. In the moon sign thread she says she had enough and SHE TOLD HIS GF.

Also, if you look at my screenshots, #4 is wrong because she stated twice that the gf knew about him and her being romantically involved. It was no secret.

Do you have all that now?