Calling all Avoidant attachment styles!

A lot of y’all avoid ants don’t like confrontation or too much intimacy. What are some ways people have made you feel safe to express yourself? What is your Mercury and moon sign?

Mercury conjunct Jupiter in Pisces (2nd house).

Moon Gemini conjunct Mars (5th house)

I don't know. Do whatever Mars in Taurus does. I don't know how they do what they do when they do it to me.

Posted by VenusAquarius
Mercury conjunct Jupiter in Pisces (2nd house).

Moon Gemini conjunct Mars (5th house)


I don't know. Do whatever Mars in Taurus does. I don't know how they do what they do when they do it to me.

So Mars and Taurus makes you feel comfortable enough around there enough to be vulnerable? Is this one experience with mars and Taurus or multiple?

https://digitalcommons.csbsju.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?referer=&httpsredir=1&article=1013&context=psychology_students

You should read pages 6-9 of the study. I’m on a phone and can’t copy some of the text I wanted to post. All four variables of attachments range mostly having a medium impact. No strong correlations.

Posted by ladylibra21

Posted by VenusAquarius
Mercury conjunct Jupiter in Pisces (2nd house).

Moon Gemini conjunct Mars (5th house)

I don't know. Do whatever Mars in Taurus does. I don't know how they do what they do when they do it to me.

So Mars and Taurus makes you feel comfortable enough around there enough to be vulnerable? Is this one experience with mars and Taurus or multiple?

click to expand

I noticed by saving the charts of the men I dated or had love affairs with and Mars in Taurus was a common placement. Apparently, they like a challenge and are discriminating... wanting a prize.

It's basically this...

Slow, Deliberate Action

The person with Mars in Taurus has staying power. You outlast others, and you are willing to hold out until you get what you want. You're careful about what you commit to because you always stick with a plan until it's finished.

Mars in the fixed sign of Taurus lends stability and patience. However, in traditional astrology, Mars is considered in its detriment here. That shows up in the passive stance the Mars in Taurus person takes toward life, making them at times immovable as a boulder.

They don't want shit easy... lol... I'm your girl. Plus, I had difficulty paying attention to, differentiating, noticing amorous intentions... didn't hold any value to relationships. I'm a bit dissociative too. Astrology and blogging helped me pay attention. I started with blog sites to help me do better. I was becoming overwhelmed, caught up, and falling off into stuff... making people angry, getting regularly stalked and giving in just because of sheer exhaustion...

The other person has to manage the relationship almost solo. My Virgo outright said he would manage the relationship solo. He has Mars in Taurus.

Posted by ladylibra21
A lot of y’all avoid ants don’t like confrontation or too much intimacy. What are some ways people have made you feel safe to express yourself? What is your Mercury and moon sign?

This is a tough one. I think maybe being direct, transparent and having some level of empathy.

But I never feel safe or trust any particular sign completely. I was very expressive in my teens. But. Never. Again

Posted by black773
https://digitalcommons.csbsju.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?referer=&httpsredir=1&article=1013&context=psychology_students


You should read pages 6-9 of the study. I’m on a phone and can’t copy some of the text I wanted to post. All four variables of attachments range mostly having a medium impact. No strong correlations.

I think I already read this. I've worked on myself. I'm self-aware but have no reason to necessarily improve. I've found that guy that doesn't care... a couple times. Not quite sure I cared to be found. I know why I do what I do. And, I liked feeling the way I felt... and kinda still do. Be looking for excuse every now and then... to escape for no reason.

People make me feel safe when they've been in my life for an extremely long time, and understand who I am. These type of people fully understand I'm 100% on their side at all times. Yet can ignore me while I vent and express negative emotions while also not taking anything personal, or making me feel misunderstood. So to be more specific, people who enjoy me at my best, but can stay completely silent and say nothing when I'm at my worst. I'll add my worst is always verbal, and never physical in any way.

If you can't accept that, you won't be in my life to begin with. I have a deep nurturing side that is also loyal and protective. I do get lost in my own mind and emotions at times, and need space to just vent. The venting should never be taken personal, even if it seems like it is. I can get verbally violent, but it's never meant to truly hurt the people I love and respect. I just bottle up literally everything, and it has to come out at some point. People who can take that, understand it, and not get offended will literally gain an ally who would literally take a bullet for them in return. It's not like I don't realize I put a heavy dose of my own emotional baggage on people. Because of that I would literally make myself suffer just so they can flourish.

Virgo Mercury

Scorpio moon

Lately it's been animals that makes me feel safe and at ease. No kidding.

Gemini mercury

Gemini moon

Posted by ladylibra21
A lot of y’all avoid ants don’t like confrontation or too much intimacy. What are some ways people have made you feel safe to express yourself? What is your Mercury and moon sign?

OOO great question and post!

Moon in Libra

And merc in Aqua.

I guess I have been the most vulnerable with other avoidants.

I think having similar traumas and noticing similar behavior in social groups regarding dating and or making friends …I felt that they got me and so I was more likely to be transparent about how I felt about things or regarding certain stuff that happened to me in my past with them because I thought they could relate and share some insight from what they’ve learned from their own journey’s as avoidants.

This ofc was presumptuous of me and came back to bite me in the ass ( as I assumed these people could 1) see our commonality and 2) have engaged in the critical self reflection that would allow them to understand why they do certain things as avoidants including avoiding initimacy ( e.g- engaging in meaning relationships by having sexual partners or avoiding getting into serious committed relationships by avoiding them and sex altogether) or keep repeating certain patterns ( e.g- dating the wrong people like those who are anxious types that are controlling and don’t respect boundaries).

I still learned something from those experiences …just not in the way that I had intended.

Posted by shakedown


Honestly, there’s nothing anyone can do to make me feel comfortable enough to express or be vulnerable. I think it has more to do with:


Uranus in 7th

Capricorn Venus in 10th

12 House Mercury

Maybe Taurus moon


Mushy and clingy is a huge no for me. I make a better homegirl than mate and I prefer it that way.

Mush and cling are okay within reason if it’s warranted and we have been really good friends for awhile …like years…and they’ve consistently shown up.

In romantic relationships I guess it truly is a hard no.

Took me awhile to figure out it was because I was an avoidant though.

I have only had 1 relationship which lasted a week. I remember being confused and turned off by the fact that since we made it official…she started calling me all time and wanted to hang out more.

I liked that during the talking phase we hung out and or talked about a few times a month. ( 1x every 1-2 weeks). Lol

It was years before I found out that that isn’t normal.

Posted by Aquavina

Posted by ladylibra21
A lot of y’all avoid ants don’t like confrontation or too much intimacy. What are some ways people have made you feel safe to express yourself? What is your Mercury and moon sign?

This is a tough one. I think maybe being direct, transparent and having some level of empathy.


But I never feel safe or trust any particular sign completely. I was very expressive in my teens. But. Never. Again

click to expand

Facts.

I would like to add just be a good person by showing you can be trustworthy over a sustained period of time (like years). Also make sure you respect boundaries and show up consistently for them with actions and not just words.

Posted by GeminiJim
Stay away from these people its not worth the effort

Strongly disagree.

Some of us are alright in terms of friendships.

Speaking for me personally I’m a really good friend.

People usually want to continue being my friend I think because I am a good one if they are actually interested in just a friendship.

Posted by StubbornSag
I never fully trust anyone and will always and forever expect the worst from literally anyone. I also keep som things to myself and will never talk about them to anyone. There are things I never told anyone I know, not even wrote about it somewherw annonimously lol that's how unsafe to express I can feel. But people will probably think I share everything because I talk in details about many things...just never about certain things. My Mercury is in Sag but in conjunction from Saturn so that's why I don't express as much. Having Moon in 1st house also indicates wearing your heart on the sleeve but I used to do that when I was younger and it only brought pain, so I see no point in doing it again, it's better to adjust what you share and how much you share

Dang I feel for you.

Sharing anonymously does help …no pressure but just sharing from my experience. I feel like not letting it out will eat you alive. I hope you find some solution that works for you like maybe writing that stuff down and burning it. IDK

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by ladylibra21
A lot of y’all avoid ants don’t like confrontation or too much intimacy. What are some ways people have made you feel safe to express yourself? What is your Mercury and moon sign?

OOO great question and post!


Moon in Libra

And merc in Aqua.


I guess I have been the most vulnerable with other avoidants.

I think having similar traumas and noticing similar behavior in social groups regarding dating and or making friends …I felt that they got me and so I was more likely to be transparent about how I felt about things or regarding certain stuff that happened to me in my past with them because I thought they could relate and share some insight from what they’ve learned from their own journey’s as avoidants.


This ofc was presumptuous of me and came back to bite me in the ass ( as I assumed these people could 1) see our commonality and 2) have engaged in the critical self reflection that would allow them to understand why they do certain things as avoidants including avoiding initimacy ( e.g- engaging in meaning relationships by having sexual partners or avoiding getting into serious committed relationships by avoiding them and sex altogether) or keep repeating certain patterns ( e.g- dating the wrong people like those who are anxious types that are controlling and don’t respect boundaries).


I still learned something from those experiences …just not in the way that I had intended.

click to expand

Well they showed you your Mirror key is don’t go for avoidant.

Posted by Truemara

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by ladylibra21
A lot of y’all avoid ants don’t like confrontation or too much intimacy. What are some ways people have made you feel safe to express yourself? What is your Mercury and moon sign?

OOO great question and post!


Moon in Libra

And merc in Aqua.


I guess I have been the most vulnerable with other avoidants.

I think having similar traumas and noticing similar behavior in social groups regarding dating and or making friends …I felt that they got me and so I was more likely to be transparent about how I felt about things or regarding certain stuff that happened to me in my past with them because I thought they could relate and share some insight from what they’ve learned from their own journey’s as avoidants.


This ofc was presumptuous of me and came back to bite me in the ass ( as I assumed these people could 1) see our commonality and 2) have engaged in the critical self reflection that would allow them to understand why they do certain things as avoidants including avoiding initimacy ( e.g- engaging in meaning relationships by having sexual partners or avoiding getting into serious committed relationships by avoiding them and sex altogether) or keep repeating certain patterns ( e.g- dating the wrong people like those who are anxious types that are controlling and don’t respect boundaries).


I still learned something from those experiences …just not in the way that I had intended.

Well they showed you your Mirror key is don’t go for avoidant.

click to expand

in romantic relationships….I agree.

I still think we all aren’t bad in the friendship realm.

The source of my avoidant attachment style is God.

As a young child, I was taught that the only person you can "trust" is God. It is true. I've lived long enough, it is true. When my back is against the wall, it is Only Him. It has always been this way. There is no one other. I see it all around me. I don't use the word "trust" with man, woman, child. It is not a decision. It is. There is no such thing as trust, period.

The only man that loves you unconditionally is Jesus. It is true. I actually fangirled Jesus in my teens. I believe. A man approaches me, get outta here, you have nothing on Jesus. Singing songs all my childhood long on how there is only Jesus.

I did not want to sin. So, I tried to be discriminating in experiences that I accepted, succumbed to. They have no idea of the battle of Heaven and Hell within. Thought I was just playing. Yes, I was just playing.

I had periods of pure exhaustion as it is quite a situation being Venus dominant... and it is not just like a feeling it is who I am. It is my core as I was taught in the formative years. I grew into my womanhood. Became more "normal." Less scared of failing God. But, not quite because of my core beliefs. I was always asked to explore my sexuality. (I did it with a paintbrush, and clay, and plaster, and charcoal. I let it go). Not just let them be surprises, don't just ignore, and keep falling into situations.... Told I was "sitting on a pot of gold" when I showed my chart and all.... I didn't really care about romantic relationships with the exception of what the church taught me... to manifest my husband. So, I kept doing that as I romantically tripped and feel over people and just let it do what it do. Come at me. Let's see.

To make matters a little more twisted, I grew up in a church of ex-pimps and prostitutes. I didn't know until a teen but it didn't bother me because I already loved my Pisces grandma's church. No, she was never a prostitute. She just had stories of how horrible love and life had been for her. Her and her sisters, I watched. Then, here comes the true real feminism in me... from their stories... research... woman being hard, the history of misogyny... I process it all.... and here I am.

The irony is I was thinking about posting this last night but didn't. Then, I woke up to @Lostthoughts posted Hozier "Take Me to Church" and I saw it as a sign.

Now, here's the result. I'm still avoidant. I'm not doing nearly shit to make "anything" work. But, I do not deny my sexuality and haven't since maybe 18? When I was single again, it all came flooding back. Super- avoidant, super free, knowing completely what I am and hoping not to hurt nobody. My husband knows all this and more. I kept journals, he's read them, LOL... OK?

So, don't ever think you have any human figured out.