Approaching Women in the MeToo Era..

I decided to make a thread on this after overhearing 2 girls sitting next to me at a coffeeshop They were talking about how men dont approach them. But that is not surprising since Santa Barbara has more girls than guys. Usually the girls here approach or show interest first due to the lower number of men and other female competition. But if men do approach here, they are usually tourists or from other neighboring cities like Oxnard or Ventura.

But I am actually surprised people have expectations of being approached given that we are a society dealing in dating apps. Most of the people I know in relationships either met online or were introduced through mutual friends.

As for myself, I dont approach but rather am introduced through mutual friends/acquaintences, women approach me, or worst case scenario dating apps.

I think for men that approaching has become a dangerous proposition on a social level. I do realize there are men out there who can be creepy or overagressive when approaching.

But at the same time, there are men out there who are introverts and somewhat socially awkward. Which could be misinterpreted as creepy.

A lot of men have a fear of being creep-shamed as word travels fast in social circles. The other thing is women's signals of interest can be ambigious. A guy cant tell if a woman is interested because a lot of times can just be friendly and social. Some guys have misread that and thought they were interested.

I dont think it is realistic to have that expectation anymore for men to approach. As I mentioned they can be socially outcasted if they misread a woman. So men are wary of making an approach.

I personally am sticking to what works for me which is being approached, meeting through friends or doing dating apps. I think in 10 years from now there will be a very low percentage of men that approach due to not wanting to be socially shamed and dating apps.

What— Lol

1. Both sexes still approach one another in public. Bars, clubs, and gyms still exist.

2. If a man doesnt know the different between sexual assault and harrassment and being a functioning member of society, he can stay in his basement playing fortnite.

Posted by DMV

2. If a man doesnt know the different between sexual assault and harrassment and being a functioning member of society, he can stay in his basement playing fortnite.

Yes, preach!!

Being called sugar tits is not a good opener. Get some game. Approach and treat women like human beings and you’ll have no problems.

Ladies men don’t approach you cause your surrounded by your gf’s and that’s fucking terrifying. Stop traveling in packs. Go sit at the bar by yourself, put the phone down, and make eye contact. Watch em swarm.

A smile doesn’t hurt either.

Posted by Redbull

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by DMV

2. If a man doesnt know the different between sexual assault and harrassment and being a functioning member of society, he can stay in his basement playing fortnite.

Yes, preach!!

Being called sugar tits is not a good opener. Get some game. Approach and treat women like human beings and you’ll have no problems.

Ladies men don’t approach you cause your surrounded by your gf’s and that’s fucking terrifying. Stop traveling in packs. Go sit at the bar by yourself, put the phone down, and make eye contact. Watch em swarm.

A smile doesn’t hurt either.

Yeah some of it is idiocy and just playing wrong. Your grown and you dont get to see enough signs of interest before you "approach" someone? And how do you do it? But I think its not even necessary at this point unless you really feel you "need" to. Otherwise things just happen or not who knows who "approaches" in fact if its some awkward big production of "approaching" someone that could be off from the start.

click to expand

IMO the best thing to do is come up and compliment her on something SHE CHOSE if its just a random approach to a stranger. Like her jacket, haircut style , etc. We are constantly fending off creepers talking about our looks/physicality so we tend to associate those kinda compliments with creeps. Instead if you open with "Your style is really cool, love the leather jacket" your complimenting something thats more than skin deep. Something tied to her personality.

Point is to get the person talking, see if theres chemistry.

Perhaps the title of the thread wasnt the best idea as this is being massively misinterpreted.

As I mentioned in the first thread and I quote again - " I do realize there are men out there who can be creepy or overagressive when approaching."

What I am talking about here are the normal guys who dont do "hey sugartits" The ones who arent "entitled"

I am not for approaching as it is someone said earlier awkward in talking to a stranger. I personally feel meeting through friends or having a woman approach you is the best way to go. Unless you want to deal with the nightmare of dating apps.

@spacebird - It was the wrong title to put for a thread. But bear in mind I am at work where I take calls and never know the length of downtime I have between them. So I rushed making it.

@xkraft - You and me both. But in some ways it is better now since more women are approaching. It does makes things much easier.

I dont think I could live in a place where there's more men then women ala San Diego. Its a perfect place for women who are single and ready to mingle. But the competition is fierce with men. Also you are almost forced by default to do dating apps which I loathe.

The one thing I will miss about Santa Barbara when I leave is how much nicer the women are. And they have to show more direct signs of interest or approach. So much easier with dating if you live in a place with more women then men.

When you can't say hello anymore.

@spacebird - I'm sorry if I triggered you in some way. We dont do anything else between calls. And there is a lot of downtime. As far as deliberate choice goes, if that is what you want to think I cant change your mind on that. I do shoot my mouth off before thinking about what I am saying. If someone can tell me a way to edit the thread title, I will happily change it.

Men and women should both be cautious of getting framed. I agree 100%

@arielle83 -

I'm dumbfounded in regards to people doing the bar scene for dating. Unless a guy looks like a 10 type of guy I dont know why they bother. In my home state I used to go to the bars for live music or if they played good music.

Made lots of friends with bartenders there. In fact it was easier for me to get a date with a bartender than a patron. But that is only because they had known me for a while and was respectful in my interactions with them.

Posted by DMV

What— Lol

1. Both sexes still approach one another in public. Bars, clubs, and gyms still exist.

2. If a man doesnt know the different between sexual assault and harrassment and being a functioning member of society, he can stay in his basement playing fortnite.

I am pretty sure that all those men who are absent from approaching are playing video games, sitting in social media ‘liking’ friends girlfriends new pictures etc...

Imagine all of them out on the streets...women would be minority all of a sudden! Lol

Posted by Arkansassy

I'm trying to find my first wife on dxp

I'm here for y'all

What happened to the second one?

My venus and mars are in earth, I need in your face kinda gal.

Online just doesn't do it for me. I need to have all 5 sense triggered.

Plus moon in scorpio demands no secrecy and online personas scare me. Too much to figure out.

When I could just met a gent at the gas station and already know what he looks like, smells like. I can feel energy.

But to each their own. Online seems to work with air signs.

Henry Cavill made the same assumption that he doesnt know how to date in light of me too and I was like wtf.

You mad cause you can grope women anymore. Like what exactly are you mad that you cant do anymore?

I really want to know what you're struggling with.