I'm in my 30s, he's in his 50s - do I initiate?

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by asw8 on Wednesday, July 11, 2018 and has 22 replies.

Should You Initiate a Relationship with an Age Gap

Deciding to initiate depends on mutual interest and comfort levels. Age gaps can work if both partners share values and goals. Consider the potential challenges and ensure open communication. Ultimately, focus on respect and compatibility rather than age alone.

Profile picture of AbbyNormal
@AbbyNormal
13 Years5,000+ PostsTaurus

Work relationships are generally more hazardous than prosperous. However I've known a few people who met their spouses this way. I don't think it's the age if he accepted a coffee date previously. With 20 years experience on you, you might talk to him and try to learn more about him. Do you both see this job as long-term? Is he is your boss? There is most definitely a reason for his behavior so I'd advise to feel it out and don't rush it. Start by building a solid friendship and see if anything later on develops naturally.

Profile picture of asw8
@asw8
9 Years

To add, we will no longer be in the same work place soon as I am leaving. He is kind of up the rank in the company. I just don't know if I should attempt to ask him out again outside of work.

Profile picture of tctaa
@tctaa
8 Years500+ Posts

Posted by asw8

If there are any older men here, or women around my age - what is your view about a younger woman wanting to date a man 20 years older? Do I do the asking? It is also a work thing.

I know him going after me might make him look creepy, plus we work together. Ever since I caught him looking at me, he's become avoidant and has stopped. When I approached him about meeting for coffee he was very happy wanting to do that. We did, and he's again avoidant. So I'm not sure if it's an age thing, or work thing, or just not interested. Wondering if I should initiate something again?

he's old enough to know better about you and the work thing

Profile picture of Moonbutter
@Moonbutter
11 Years5,000+ Posts

Posted by asw8

To add, we will no longer be in the same work place soon as I am leaving. He is kind of up the rank in the company. I just don't know if I should attempt to ask him out again outside of work.

Probably hesitant because of his position so just wait until you no longer work there. I like to date close to my age but that’s my preference 🤷🏻‍♀️

Profile picture of slowdive80
@slowdive80
9 Years

It depends if you work in completely different departments or not. If you do i say proceed but with extreme caution.

He may be on the fence knowing he is interested but also worried that this is a sexual harassment/metoo disaster waiting to happen

Remember that he doesn't know you well. Therefore he doesnt know if things dont click on a romantic level if yourr going to lash out and go to hr.

He is dealing with a work minefield. I have been attracted to other female coworkers at my job but have never acted on it.

Even if they are attracted to me, i dont act on it. Too much of a risk and im there to make a living.

So don't take it personal with him being distant. This is his job and he is gonna be cautious.

Profile picture of asw8
@asw8
9 Years

There's something about him. Just like any other man my age, or my ex who was also a bit older. There's an attraction and I want to get to know him but... there seems to be a but... I'm mature enough to not let personal and professional affect each other in anyway. But I understand he may not see it that way.

Profile picture of slowdive80
@slowdive80
9 Years

I aint gonna lie, the place i work at is temptation island. So many attractive girls at my company. And they work in different departments too!

So OP I get where you are coming from albeit slightly. If i wasn't focused on escaping my living exploitment nightmare i would definitely be testing the waters.

But if he feels comfortable again around you the invite him to a group of co workers outing first.

Like someone else said you want to build rapport first instead of diving in.

Profile picture of LadyNeptune
@LadyNeptune
10 Years25,000+ Posts

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by LadyNeptune

I would never shit where I eat.

So liking someone for you is ‘shitting’? That figures...

And google how many people had met at a workplace. I think it’s 60% .

👯‍♀️

Its a saying. Like, don't mix business with pleasure.

Not every saying is true. Most people met and formed families AT workplace! Well...before dating sites maybe but still...

click to expand

Well idk about most people. I only know myself and I would not...wait for it...shit where I eat.

Profile picture of Gemitati
@Gemitati
11 Years25,000+ Posts

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by LadyNeptune

I would never shit where I eat.

So liking someone for you is ‘shitting’? That figures...

And google how many people had met at a workplace. I think it’s 60% .

👯‍♀️

Its a saying. Like, don't mix business with pleasure.

Not every saying is true. Most people met and formed families AT workplace! Well...before dating sites maybe but still...

Well idk about most people. I only know myself and I would not...wait for it...shit where I eat.

click to expand

So...if you fell for someone (not sure if you understand the meaning of ‘fell for’) at work - you would just dismiss it? Ha! Sure!!!

It’s just you probably don’t have much in a love/sex department...

You love furniture more than men. Not there is anything wrong with that...

Profile picture of LadyNeptune
@LadyNeptune
10 Years25,000+ Posts

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by LadyNeptune

I would never shit where I eat.

So liking someone for you is ‘shitting’? That figures...

And google how many people had met at a workplace. I think it’s 60% .

👯‍♀️

Its a saying. Like, don't mix business with pleasure.

Not every saying is true. Most people met and formed families AT workplace! Well...before dating sites maybe but still...

Well idk about most people. I only know myself and I would not...wait for it...shit where I eat.

So...if you fell for someone (not sure if you understand the meaning of ‘fell for’) at work - you would just dismiss it? Ha! Sure!!!

It’s just you probably don’t have much in a love/sex department...

You love furniture more than men. Not there is anything wrong with that...

click to expand

Falling is a choice. I'm saying its a choice I'm not gonna make.

Profile picture of Gemitati
@Gemitati
11 Years25,000+ Posts

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by LadyNeptune

I would never shit where I eat.

So liking someone for you is ‘shitting’? That figures...

And google how many people had met at a workplace. I think it’s 60% .

👯‍♀️

Its a saying. Like, don't mix business with pleasure.

Not every saying is true. Most people met and formed families AT workplace! Well...before dating sites maybe but still...

Well idk about most people. I only know myself and I would not...wait for it...shit where I eat.

So...if you fell for someone (not sure if you understand the meaning of ‘fell for’) at work - you would just dismiss it? Ha! Sure!!!

It’s just you probably don’t have much in a love/sex department...

You love furniture more than men. Not there is anything wrong with that...

Falling is a choice. I'm saying its a choice I'm not gonna make.

click to expand

Do you really believe it’s a choice?

Why whoukd I choose THAT?

Being hurt 24/7? You are just cold hearted individual and trust me - one day you will fall!

Then come to me. I’ll hive you a hug! If I am still alive...bitch! ❤️