Elissar18
@Elissar18
7 Years500+ Posts
Comments: 224 · Posts: 556 · Topics: 16
Are women slaves?
My second husband was a stay at home dad. I worked 40hrs a week, cleaned house and made the meals. That didn’t last very long.
I think both are valid roles, being the bread winner and being the caretaker. Only difference is if you work a 9-5 you get vaca days and sick days and weekends off. Zero time off for that stay at home mom/dad life. You don’t get any gestures of appreciation like pay raises or promotions either. Also doesn’t come with a 401 k.
Cooking and cleaning should be equally split or pay for cleaning service.
Cooking and cleaning should be equally split or pay for cleaning service.
Posted by Arielle83
You both cook and clean and take care of things.
So you don't assume the "girl" duties? What's your take on those who do. Why do you think that expectation exists?
I think the question “are women slaves” depends on what culture/time period you are talking about.
Real freedom imo is financial freedom. Having access to education, opportunity to earn, and equal pay is a path to freedom.
Real freedom imo is financial freedom. Having access to education, opportunity to earn, and equal pay is a path to freedom.
Posted by Impulsv
I think we play our roles because we think that is how it’s supposed to be. N men may want that for honorable reason or to over power n keep them dependa t , not able to walk out if they misbehave.
I can see how that would be a reason why for a guy in a power play. What reason does the female have to accept it in that scenario?
I don't think I have the capacity to be dependent but I can see myself playing house wife because of the opposite. I'd feel like I need to work for what he provides when I have children because I've always been very independent and earn what I get.
Posted by -sierra-
this is ridiculous
my boyfriend and i both work
he cooks and i clean
if we had kids, i doubt this would change
Did you read my disclaimer? Lol
Does he clean everything.. vacuum, bathrooms, laundry, dishes and you just cook?
Posted by hippiecrite
My second husband was a stay at home dad. I worked 40hrs a week, cleaned house and made the meals. That didn’t last very long.
That sounds like a crappy deal. Why did you accept or enter into that?
Posted by LadyNeptune
I think both are valid roles, being the bread winner and being the caretaker. Only difference is if you work a 9-5 you get vaca days and sick days and weekends off. Zero time off for that stay at home mom/dad life. Also doesn’t come with a 401 k.
Cooking and cleaning should be equally split or pay for cleaning service.
Aren't those vacation days, after work, and weekends parenting time?
Posted by LadyNeptune
I think the question “are women slaves” depends on what culture/time period you are talking about.
Real freedom imo is financial freedom. Having access to education, opportunity to earn, and equal pay is a path to freedom.
I agree. Until you have children... then I think things change in that area.
I don’t believe they are.
If you want, put on a hard hat and go into a coal mine or something. Risk the reality of black lung or the mine caving in with the rest of them, and you will make as much. That or go to collage for the highest paying job, and rather then trying to be popular focus on what you want out of life. Like 100% , even when you feel like you can’t.
The opportunity is there for everyone, it’s just how bad do you want it?
If you want, put on a hard hat and go into a coal mine or something. Risk the reality of black lung or the mine caving in with the rest of them, and you will make as much. That or go to collage for the highest paying job, and rather then trying to be popular focus on what you want out of life. Like 100% , even when you feel like you can’t.
The opportunity is there for everyone, it’s just how bad do you want it?
Posted by Arielle83Posted by Elissar18Posted by Arielle83
You both cook and clean and take care of things.
So you don't assume the "girl" duties? What's your take on those who do. Why do you think that expectation exists?
What is a “girl” duty?
My bf and I both work in the same industry. We both cook and clean, do maintenance and yard work.
We both take care of each other.
When I was married, I worked two jobs and cooked and cleaned and did yard work while husband coasted and went to the gym and had mom take care of him. I left that.
If you want something to work, you both have to share duties.click to expand
Girl duties is what you referred to in your married life. Where you do almost everything.
Is it weird adjusting from doing everything to being with someone who shares the load?
Posted by Elissar18Posted by LadyNeptune
I think the question “are women slaves” depends on what culture/time period you are talking about.
Real freedom imo is financial freedom. Having access to education, opportunity to earn, and equal pay is a path to freedom.
I agree. Until you have children... then I think things change in that area.click to expand
How so?
Posted by Elissar18Posted by hippiecrite
My second husband was a stay at home dad. I worked 40hrs a week, cleaned house and made the meals. That didn’t last very long.
That sounds like a crappy deal. Why did you accept or enter into that?click to expand
It didn’t start out like that, but it’s how we gradually ended up.
Posted by Elissar18Posted by LadyNeptune
I think both are valid roles, being the bread winner and being the caretaker. Only difference is if you work a 9-5 you get vaca days and sick days and weekends off. Zero time off for that stay at home mom/dad life. Also doesn’t come with a 401 k.
Cooking and cleaning should be equally split or pay for cleaning service.
Aren't those vacation days, after work, and weekends parenting time?click to expand
20 mins here and there. But stay at home mom is still running the show. Let’s be real.
Posted by Elissar18Posted by Soul
I don’t believe they are.
If you want, put on a hard hat and go into a coal mine or something. Risk the reality of black lung or the mine caving in with the rest of them, and you will make as much. That or go to collage for the highest paying job, and rather then trying to be popular focus on what you want out of life. Like 100% , even when you feel like you can’t.
The opportunity is there for everyone, it’s just how bad do you want it?
I work on trucks so I have a "boy" job, I get my hands dirty, am financially independent and own my own home so I agree that opportunities exist. But if I were to get married and have a family, that changes.click to expand
You just need to find a man that feels like balance and teamwork is most important. Life nowadays almost always requires two independent people. So rather then one doing all the cleaning and cooking, you should both do it together. Or at the least have one taking care of the cleaning, while the other cooks or something.
Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by Elissar18Posted by LadyNeptune
I think the question “are women slaves” depends on what culture/time period you are talking about.
Real freedom imo is financial freedom. Having access to education, opportunity to earn, and equal pay is a path to freedom.
I agree. Until you have children... then I think things change in that area.
How so?click to expand
Unless he's the stay at home dad, I think the financial independence changes and so do the dynamics in a lot of cases.
My dad got the shit end of the spectrum, he worked, mum never did. She cooks and does dishes. He cleans, does the laundry, mops the floor and does all the home maintenance. But I don't know that's a common situation
Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by Elissar18Posted by LadyNeptune
I think both are valid roles, being the bread winner and being the caretaker. Only difference is if you work a 9-5 you get vaca days and sick days and weekends off. Zero time off for that stay at home mom/dad life. Also doesn’t come with a 401 k.
Cooking and cleaning should be equally split or pay for cleaning service.
Aren't those vacation days, after work, and weekends parenting time?
20 mins here and there. But stay at home mom is still running the show. Let’s be real.click to expand
Depends on the mum. But typically yes, I agree.
Posted by Arielle83Posted by Elissar18Posted by Arielle83Posted by Elissar18Posted by Arielle83
You both cook and clean and take care of things.
So you don't assume the "girl" duties? What's your take on those who do. Why do you think that expectation exists?
What is a “girl” duty?
My bf and I both work in the same industry. We both cook and clean, do maintenance and yard work.
We both take care of each other.
When I was married, I worked two jobs and cooked and cleaned and did yard work while husband coasted and went to the gym and had mom take care of him. I left that.
If you want something to work, you both have to share duties.
Girl duties is what you referred to in your married life. Where you do almost everything.
Is it weird adjusting from doing everything to being with someone who shares the load?
No it’s what you deserve. I’m not dealing with a man child again. A man that can’t take care of himself gets a woman out of necessity, not out of want.click to expand
That's true. I want to do all those things in my current relationship but he's OCD and can cook and works his butt off so I probably will never have to do everything. Never wanted to do it for any previous guy. I think man children can't treat you properly. They just know how to take you for granted and make a slave of you
Posted by SoulPosted by Elissar18Posted by Soul
I don’t believe they are.
If you want, put on a hard hat and go into a coal mine or something. Risk the reality of black lung or the mine caving in with the rest of them, and you will make as much. That or go to collage for the highest paying job, and rather then trying to be popular focus on what you want out of life. Like 100% , even when you feel like you can’t.
The opportunity is there for everyone, it’s just how bad do you want it?
I work on trucks so I have a "boy" job, I get my hands dirty, am financially independent and own my own home so I agree that opportunities exist. But if I were to get married and have a family, that changes.
You just need to find a man that feels like balance and teamwork is most important. Life nowadays almost always requires two independent people. So rather then one doing all the cleaning and cooking, you should both do it together. Or at the least have one taking care of the cleaning, while the other cooks or something.click to expand
I currently have a man like that. But I think he sees stay at home mum status as less than working. That might change when he actually has children and sees how hard it is though.
Posted by Black-Mamba
If I'm working 40 hours a week at 10 dollars at an hour and my husband works 40 hours a week for 100 $
This means nothing to me. The labor will be divided.
If he's not working yet I'm earning than he better take care of home and cooking
If you're dating someone, would you not cook for them or clean up after them, unless they cook and clean up after you?
Posted by Black-Mamba
Yeah i mean look whomever is home all day should take care of the home etcetc
If its both division of labor
True true. But why are we talking like we are baby boomers? Very few places left where you can survive on one salary and afford to have kids.
Our reality is both people need to contribute financially.
Posted by Arachnophobia
That imply's that women like my grandmother are push overs, yeah nah. She had 4 kids in the 1960's, she raised them in butfuck no where, on the edge of the wilderness. Her family were lumberjacks, all her brothers were loggers and all the women raised the kids together in a big unit, where they needed to work they did, chopping wood, raising sheep in the yard, mostly wrangling a dozen wild Maori kids, that was the hard part. These women and men worked hard to feed their big family's. Real hard, they loved their children like the world and raised them well. They weren't thinking about some freedom somewhere else or being financially independent or security, they did not need to because my grandad looked after her and still does. My grandfather was a payed hunter, he spent his life hunting wild deer and carrying entire deer out of the wilderness to sell to the butcher, he had too, it was all he knew how to do and he loved to do it, he got to no time with his kids because he had to bust his ass to feed them. He is hard as nails. They are still together today, even though the spark left, they could not just split up, and a much stronger bond than chemistry formed in it's wake. A family. They will get buried beside each other like the king and queen that they are.
I don't think it implies women are push overs. I think it implies they get less than they give or feel obliged to do more than their share because it's expected of them, perhaps by themselves or by others.
Posted by Impulsv
I think we play our roles because we think that is how it’s supposed to be. N men may want that for honorable reason or to over power n keep them dependa t , not able to walk out if they misbehave.
I disagree many man want the woman to get at least a parttime job when the kids are in school or kindergarden because you want more money unless are you are millionaire. The rents get more and more expensive.
And many woman get irritable when the children become more indepedent.
Posted by Black-MambaPosted by Elissar18Posted by Black-Mamba
If I'm working 40 hours a week at 10 dollars at an hour and my husband works 40 hours a week for 100 $
This means nothing to me. The labor will be divided.
If he's not working yet I'm earning than he better take care of home and cooking
If you're dating someone, would you not cook for them or clean up after them, unless they cook and clean up after you?
I can't be someone's mom
I'm tired too
I like the idea of a partnership
I'd prefer to be with someone who cleans up after themselves and who likes to cook
I Dont want to be the only person responsible for cleaning and cooking for the household
That's old school
Plus I'm just not a fan
It puts a bunch of burden on one person
I'm not not into babying ppl i see cleaning and cooking as work
Not fun
click to expand
That's fair enough. Lots of guys these days are pretty good with most of that stuff anyway. I think they realised most women work and can get a job so they don't need a financial provider like the old days.
I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing though. People used to be kind of dependent on each other when each had their role. Now no one needs another person so relationships are disposable
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