Dreamer222?
@pooface222
9 Years1,000+ Posts
Comments: 6 · Posts: 1783 · Topics: 79
Divorce! Ladies please can you tell me how you asked your husband for u to?
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Timing of your post is a weird coincidence pooface222 . I had some bad moment and desperately had some related questions in my mind related to what you asked...not exactly but kind of . And i came online and here was your post.
Anyway to answer your question. There cant be any diplomatic way ..it has to be direct and straight .
Anyway to answer your question. There cant be any diplomatic way ..it has to be direct and straight .
Posted by TheLibraMudraNasty as in twist things I've said; make me seem worse than I actually am..he's a devious bast at when he gets going!
Nasty how? Nonstop sharp words...
... Or physically?
Posted by marshmallowGosh. .it is weird when that happens isn't it!
Timing of your post is a weird coincidence pooface222 . I had some bad moment and desperately had some related questions in my mind related to what you asked...not exactly but kind of . And i came online and here was your post.
Anyway to answer your question. There cant be any diplomatic way ..it has to be direct and straight .
Can you tell me what your bad moment was? And your related questions?
Get a good divorce attorney, ask around for referrals, the attorney will guide you thru the whole process, even the part where, your husband finds out, that this is really happening. I would not have a conversation with your spouse until, you've talked to an attorney, get an idea of what all this entails and a solid understanding of next steps.
Try everything to make it work, because you have a small child which is deeply affected by a divorce is not an option for you?
I'd suggest getting all financial documents now, while you can, before serving him. Sounds like a divorce will be acrimonious, and if you can obtain all the necessary documents needed to file for a dissolution of marriage before hand, it will at least make the process easier than having to rely on your soon to be ex, furnishing that material to you. And then he could possibly try and hide assets as well.
Posted by yupvirgooHi..its Complicated!
You're not even going to try to work things out, really?
We've been together 13 years altogether. It's hard to explain as it will take ages.
Here is my situation though - the short version.
Husband wanted babies. I didn't because He was making me unhappy; treating me like shit. While at the same time pressuring me to have babies. He shut down on me and wouldn't speak to me. I tried to get through to him time and time again. To try and stop him belittling me and other behaviours that made me feel sad and lonely in the marriage. This was my first attempt to fix our marriage. Failed. So..I ended up shutting down on him.
Eventually I gave to my husbands pressure t have a baby and - had a baby even though I didn't want to. This was my second and biggest attempt to fix our marriage.
Now I am just even sadder even more lonely, and angry at myself for staying with him. He hasn't changed. And won't!
This has nothing to do with .y little girl. I love her to pieces. It's my husband that's the problem!
I have had enough now!
Posted by JohnTheBaptist100Hi thanks for your reply. It's not that I need his permission. I'm just scared of his reaction. He can be twisted and I don't trust him.Posted by pooface222Your divorce is for your personal happiness and freedom. You do not need his permission. You just need to tell him the relationship is not working ; you are filing for a divorce and get a good divorce lawyer,
This sounds like a Stupid question! I know!
But. .I am very unhappy in my marriage and should have left 4 years ago. Instead I stayed and had a child because I was scared of divorce and scared of the unknown.
Now..I am still scared but now I have a little girl of 2 1/2.
Quite frankly I hate my husband! And I haven't felt loved by him for about 5 years. And we've only been married 7 years.
Anyway I dont trust my husband either. Not because he has cheated - not to my knowledge anyway - but because he has a way of twisting things when the going gets tough. I am not like this. I tell it straight.
Therefore asking him for a divorce will likely cause him to turn nasty. We've been fighting for the last 2 years and we have lost respect for each other and have started doing stuff like going out shopping without even saying 'I'm going out now'.
I just wondered ladies what your experiences are if asking your husband for a divorce, how you found the courage and how you survived.
I am 40 in 2 weeks time and I just can't face going into my 40's feeling like this!
Thank you in advance. .click to expand
Posted by pooface222My bad moment was that i had a bad fight with my husband but what felt worst was that according to him i was just over reacting. Its sorted for now 🙂Posted by marshmallowGosh. .it is weird when that happens isn't it!
Timing of your post is a weird coincidence pooface222 . I had some bad moment and desperately had some related questions in my mind related to what you asked...not exactly but kind of . And i came online and here was your post.
Anyway to answer your question. There cant be any diplomatic way ..it has to be direct and straight .
Can you tell me what your bad moment was? And your related questions?
click to expand
My question at that time was, when do we know that a relationship is crossing a line and its time to let it go. I am not talking about cheating or physical abuse .
And when is it just a testing time ? I understand very well that 2 people with independent mind are 2 different entities . And they are bound to have differences but when is it time to know that the difference is too much ?
I know exactly what you mean. It's hard to know when the line is crossed because when a partner says or does something that makes us uncomfortable we tend to forgive it as a one-off unpleasant experience.
However this can get dangerous! The more uncomfortable we feel the worse the situation is and vice-versa. In the end it's often too late that we notice we are in fact now very unhappy!
This is what happened to me so I'm glad you asked the questions you did.
I was happy for a while then my husband began putting me down whole doing chores but he did it in a friendly way by correcting what I do and telling me he was helping me! !?! Err I wasn't doing anything wrong FFS!
It took me 2 1/2 years into our marriage to realise how unhappy I was! We had already been together 6 years before we got married. I was happy then.
Now...I actually wish I hadn't got married in the first place.
Thanks for your response ?
However this can get dangerous! The more uncomfortable we feel the worse the situation is and vice-versa. In the end it's often too late that we notice we are in fact now very unhappy!
This is what happened to me so I'm glad you asked the questions you did.
I was happy for a while then my husband began putting me down whole doing chores but he did it in a friendly way by correcting what I do and telling me he was helping me! !?! Err I wasn't doing anything wrong FFS!
It took me 2 1/2 years into our marriage to realise how unhappy I was! We had already been together 6 years before we got married. I was happy then.
Now...I actually wish I hadn't got married in the first place.
Thanks for your response ?
Posted by ImpulsvThanks Impulsiv ☺ I'm so tired of trying now xPosted by ParkourlerShe's tried for five years
Try everything to make it work, because you have a small child which is deeply affected by a divorce is not an option for you?click to expand
Posted by DivaCanLeoHi DivaCanLeo. .
What's his sign?
Lol if you hate him. That's not good
He is Aries. I am Capricorn.
I know what a bad combination this is. Apparently it can work but requires A LOT or work! I'm just tired, (aka exhausted) with trying and frankly Bored and just want to be free again.
I realise I have a child but she will be 3 in March so can put her in Nursery now that I feel more ready to.
Are you afraid of him reacting violently? Get a divorce lawyer so he can advise you what to do. Would it be safer if you and the daughter move out immediately after letting him know?
Try to concentrate on the practical side of things. Your house...is it co-owned? In movies, he pack his bags and moves to a hotel immediately, lol.
Telling him is not a big deal once you know this is what you want! I am divorced, but we were not living together at that time, so it was easier dealing with the aftermath. I just simply told him I wanted a divorce (by phone, we were 1000 miles away) and felt relief immediately. He reacted upset, but I'm sure he has seen it coming...
Try to concentrate on the practical side of things. Your house...is it co-owned? In movies, he pack his bags and moves to a hotel immediately, lol.
Telling him is not a big deal once you know this is what you want! I am divorced, but we were not living together at that time, so it was easier dealing with the aftermath. I just simply told him I wanted a divorce (by phone, we were 1000 miles away) and felt relief immediately. He reacted upset, but I'm sure he has seen it coming...
Posted by pooface222
I'm just scared of his reaction. He can be twisted and I don't trust him.
What does this mean, exactly?
Are you implying that he will physically strike at you?
If that is the case, then what is the point in asking for other people's experiences? ... as if their answers would stop him from being violent? .. or because you really don't want to leave and looking for validation in staying and just trying to make it look like you have your shit together?
because frankly ... if you're being real, and he's violent .. then I don't even get what your dilemma is here.
Or, if you meant his words are harsh .... so the fuck what? Like words are going to break you?
If words are going to break you to the point that you are incapable of looking out for the best interest of yourself and child, then perhaps you're better off with him .. since he is capable of controlling you, and you are not capable of controlling you.
If you're for real ...... it's probably this insecurity in you that turns him. It's disgusting to live with a person who cannot even make a decision, much less a sound and rational one.
Posted by yupvirgooYeah true ...a very important thing .Posted by marshmallowWhen you no longer respect each other?Posted by pooface222My bad moment was that i had a bad fight with my husband but what felt worst was that according to him i was just over reacting. Its sorted for now 🙂Posted by marshmallowGosh. .it is weird when that happens isn't it!
Timing of your post is a weird coincidence pooface222 . I had some bad moment and desperately had some related questions in my mind related to what you asked...not exactly but kind of . And i came online and here was your post.
Anyway to answer your question. There cant be any diplomatic way ..it has to be direct and straight .
Can you tell me what your bad moment was? And your related questions?
My question at that time was, when do we know that a relationship is crossing a line and its time to let it go. I am not talking about cheating or physical abuse .
And when is it just a testing time ? I understand very well that 2 people with independent mind are 2 different entities . And they are bound to have differences but when is it time to know that the difference is too much ?click to expand
You may not love all those you respect , but you can never love anyone you dont respect .
Posted by yupvirgooHaven't we talked about this with you lately? Man..
You're not even going to try to work things out, really?
Posted by yupvirgooLife! You said we love our comfort and I said YesssPosted by GemitatiTalked about what? lolPosted by yupvirgooHaven't we talked about this with you lately? Man..
You're not even going to try to work things out, really?click to expand
Posted by yupvirgooAny questions?Posted by Gemitatilol yeah okay I remember nowPosted by yupvirgooLife! You said we love our comfort and I said YesssPosted by GemitatiTalked about what? lolPosted by yupvirgooHaven't we talked about this with you lately? Man..
You're not even going to try to work things out, really?click to expand
Btw I really enjoyed talking to you.
Seems like you the one of the minority here. With brain and heart.
Posted by yupvirgooYou are doing your judgment gracefully!Posted by Gemitatino questions reallyPosted by yupvirgooAny questions?Posted by Gemitatilol yeah okay I remember nowPosted by yupvirgooLife! You said we love our comfort and I said YesssPosted by GemitatiTalked about what? lolPosted by yupvirgooHaven't we talked about this with you lately? Man..
You're not even going to try to work things out, really?
Btw I really enjoyed talking to you.
Seems like you the one of the minority here. With brain and heart.
and thanks I also think it's awesome how honest you are
even when im totally judgmental most of the time thoclick to expand
OMG! I am not falling for you! Am I? Lol
Posted by yupvirgooYou are doing your judgment gracefully!Posted by Gemitatino questions reallyPosted by yupvirgooAny questions?Posted by Gemitatilol yeah okay I remember nowPosted by yupvirgooLife! You said we love our comfort and I said YesssPosted by GemitatiTalked about what? lolPosted by yupvirgooHaven't we talked about this with you lately? Man..
You're not even going to try to work things out, really?
Btw I really enjoyed talking to you.
Seems like you the one of the minority here. With brain and heart.
and thanks I also think it's awesome how honest you are
even when im totally judgmental most of the time thoclick to expand
OMG! I am not falling for you! Am I? Lol
Posted by yupvirgooYou know it doesn't stop me...lolPosted by Gemitatilol no im marriedPosted by yupvirgooYou are doing your judgment gracefully!Posted by Gemitatino questions reallyPosted by yupvirgooAny questions?Posted by Gemitatilol yeah okay I remember nowPosted by yupvirgooLife! You said we love our comfort and I said YesssPosted by GemitatiTalked about what? lolPosted by yupvirgooHaven't we talked about this with you lately? Man..
You're not even going to try to work things out, really?
Btw I really enjoyed talking to you.
Seems like you the one of the minority here. With brain and heart.
and thanks I also think it's awesome how honest you are
even when im totally judgmental most of the time tho
OMG! I am not falling for you! Am I? Lolclick to expand
Posted by DonJohnYou do not know my husband!
divorce is a very selfish decision. you are impacting 3 lives with your bullheaded selfishness.
oh you can't be happy but it's okay to expose your child to skyrocketing delinquency possibilities. skyrocketing mental illnesses. skyrocketing behavioral issues. etc
you don't want to make it work. he hasn't cheated. he doesn't beat you. why can't you just ignore his words? why not see him for the good things too? he never says nice things to you? or are you only fixating on the bad words/
a lot of negative people are just caught in their own negative self bubble of destruction. they just cna't see any positives of others. it's sad really.
words are just words. let it bounce off.
but if you can't. then call it quits. simple as that. based on what you said, you sound much worse than him imo
HE is selfish! VERY VERY SELFISH! Including bossy, controlling and never takes No for an answer! While he goes about doing what the hell he likes, even if I don't like it.
I cannot go into an entire life story of my marriage on here as I am not writing a bloody book!
Do not Judge what you do not truly or fully know about.
And seeing you are neither a woman nor going through the possibility of divorce I shall ignore YOUR words and let YOUR words bounce off me!
Posted by DonJohnAre you Donald Trump for real ? 😆
divorce is a very selfish decision. you are impacting 3 lives with your bullheaded selfishness.
oh you can't be happy but it's okay to expose your child to skyrocketing delinquency possibilities. skyrocketing mental illnesses. skyrocketing behavioral issues. etc
you don't want to make it work. he hasn't cheated. he doesn't beat you. why can't you just ignore his words? why not see him for the good things too? he never says nice things to you? or are you only fixating on the bad words/
a lot of negative people are just caught in their own negative self bubble of destruction. they just cna't see any positives of others. it's sad really.
words are just words. let it bounce off.
but if you can't. then call it quits. simple as that. based on what you said, you sound much worse than him imo
Divorce is very tough in any culture. But if it is worth a divorce while you keep it, it is even worse. It becomes a nightmare for the one who hates it the most. It haunts you forever.
I am a man. I wanted a divorce 8 years ago, simply I found out my wife did not love me. It's not about cheating or violence which she involved both. But the reason I wanted a divorce is that we had no trust, no respect and the like to a point that you felt so nervous coming home and always wanted to leave early to work. And just like what you are suffering right now, I could not make it out of fear that it would affect my 2 little kids. So we sat down and talked and decided to pretended a family to raise the kids for a certain number of years first. Another serious mistake. In the first few years, she took good care of the kids. Well, we hired 2 maids who actually did everything in the house and for the kids. When I am home from work, I am the one who bath the kids and those stuff. a couple of years passed, I am the one who drive the kids to schools mornings and nights, regardless how busy I am. Except on the days I travel, it's always me taking care of kids since kindergarten. In addition, I opened a joint account and my salary also wired to that account so in many many years, there is no financial concern from my wife's part ... Well, then the controlling part, the violent part: she beat the kids very often, she forced the kids to do things they didn't want to. On certain occasion, she hurt me too. I never fought back. I never call the cop. I have a illusion of raising the kids up in a complete family is the utmost goal of mine...
Well, one day to a point, I can't stand anymore and I realized it was all wrong to delay such a worthy divorce. I suffered for too many years without gaining a family at all ... I don't even have any feeling for any other woman for so many years which is funny right ... All sort of things. Many other things I dont want to list in here ...
Life is multifaceted, your can't be similar to mine and so on. But when you feel it, just do it. Don't delay any further. Be strong and face it and live with it. Time to take of yourself and the kid. I am sure you will have no problem as you said you lover her to pieces.
God bless you!
I am a man. I wanted a divorce 8 years ago, simply I found out my wife did not love me. It's not about cheating or violence which she involved both. But the reason I wanted a divorce is that we had no trust, no respect and the like to a point that you felt so nervous coming home and always wanted to leave early to work. And just like what you are suffering right now, I could not make it out of fear that it would affect my 2 little kids. So we sat down and talked and decided to pretended a family to raise the kids for a certain number of years first. Another serious mistake. In the first few years, she took good care of the kids. Well, we hired 2 maids who actually did everything in the house and for the kids. When I am home from work, I am the one who bath the kids and those stuff. a couple of years passed, I am the one who drive the kids to schools mornings and nights, regardless how busy I am. Except on the days I travel, it's always me taking care of kids since kindergarten. In addition, I opened a joint account and my salary also wired to that account so in many many years, there is no financial concern from my wife's part ... Well, then the controlling part, the violent part: she beat the kids very often, she forced the kids to do things they didn't want to. On certain occasion, she hurt me too. I never fought back. I never call the cop. I have a illusion of raising the kids up in a complete family is the utmost goal of mine...
Well, one day to a point, I can't stand anymore and I realized it was all wrong to delay such a worthy divorce. I suffered for too many years without gaining a family at all ... I don't even have any feeling for any other woman for so many years which is funny right ... All sort of things. Many other things I dont want to list in here ...
Life is multifaceted, your can't be similar to mine and so on. But when you feel it, just do it. Don't delay any further. Be strong and face it and live with it. Time to take of yourself and the kid. I am sure you will have no problem as you said you lover her to pieces.
God bless you!
Posted by DonJohn
divorce is a very selfish decision. you are impacting 3 lives with your bullheaded selfishness.
oh you can't be happy but it's okay to expose your child to skyrocketing delinquency possibilities. skyrocketing mental illnesses. skyrocketing behavioral issues. etc
you don't want to make it work. he hasn't cheated. he doesn't beat you. why can't you just ignore his words? why not see him for the good things too? he never says nice things to you? or are you only fixating on the bad words/
a lot of negative people are just caught in their own negative self bubble of destruction. they just cna't see any positives of others. it's sad really.
words are just words. let it bounce off.
but if you can't. then call it quits. simple as that. based on what you said, you sound much worse than him imo
Posted by DonJohnPosted by pooface222Posted by DonJohnYou do not know my husband!
divorce is a very selfish decision. you are impacting 3 lives with your bullheaded selfishness.
oh you can't be happy but it's okay to expose your child to skyrocketing delinquency possibilities. skyrocketing mental illnesses. skyrocketing behavioral issues. etc
you don't want to make it work. he hasn't cheated. he doesn't beat you. why can't you just ignore his words? why not see him for the good things too? he never says nice things to you? or are you only fixating on the bad words/
a lot of negative people are just caught in their own negative self bubble of destruction. they just cna't see any positives of others. it's sad really.
words are just words. let it bounce off.
but if you can't. then call it quits. simple as that. based on what you said, you sound much worse than him imo
HE is selfish! VERY VERY SELFISH! Including bossy, controlling and never takes No for an answer! While he goes about doing what the hell he likes, even if I don't like it.
I cannot go into an entire life story of my marriage on here as I am not writing a bloody book!
Do not Judge what you do not truly or fully know about.
And seeing you are neither a woman nor going through the possibility of divorce I shall ignore YOUR words and let YOUR words bounce off me!
Yet he's not selfish enough to throw 3 lives under the bus for his own "happiness". and here you are. just LMFAO
Female logic.
Fuck. Off!
You are not being helpful like the others are on here.
So take your chauvinistic ass and take a hike to where someone actually cares!
Don't bother replying. I'm blocking you!
click to expand
Posted by julietteThanks Juliette for both of your posts ☺
oh he is an aries. my father is one and i begged my mother to divorce him since i was 10. the constant belittling and insults, coldness, indifference. but they stayed together. now he is the most liberal man, i can't recognize him, soft, sweet and funny. the aries is very emotional but can have serious issues to express it in proper way. like capricorn as well. but this is just a general observation. and your kid is a pisces, you will probably learn a lot from him/her, both of you.
I can imagine you begging your mum to leave him. Aries men (the one or 2 I've met) annoy me after a while. Realised they are better as friends for me.
I actually have a friend whose mum is a virgo and married to an Aries - they are both about 60. The mum is lovely but her dad is an ass! Friendly & funny but also sharp rude and tactless! Apparently her mum nearly left him but stayed for the kids ?
I really like that your dad is a different guy now. I don't want to wait that long though to find out if my husband will still be the same or changed.
.Thanks for your advice too. Really appreciate it.
Need to go around thanking others here too.
Haven't been on here for a few days..
Posted by UndineHi ya..sorry for my late response.
Are you afraid of him reacting violently? Get a divorce lawyer so he can advise you what to do. Would it be safer if you and the daughter move out immediately after letting him know?
Try to concentrate on the practical side of things. Your house...is it co-owned? In movies, he pack his bags and moves to a hotel immediately, lol.
Telling him is not a big deal once you know this is what you want! I am divorced, but we were not living together at that time, so it was easier dealing with the aftermath. I just simply told him I wanted a divorce (by phone, we were 1000 miles away) and felt relief immediately. He reacted upset, but I'm sure he has seen it coming...
I'm not scared of any violence, he's more cold & calculating. I worry about his deviousness in the way he twists what I say and do sometimes.
He is a big smart arse and at the same time doesn't listen to a word I say, and butts in halfway through almost every sentence I speak so I can never get through to him. Drives me insane!
The house is jointly owned so I would have to work out how much I can afford once the house is sold etc..
I need to get legal advice though.
Most people on here have said this to me so...
I'm so sorry, my parents divorced when I was 3, I remember everything, but I didn't tell my mom cause I knew it would hurt her, lots of petty fighting ( I just remember everything from my childhood). It was very hard, my father was the kind of guy that did twist words, their battle was ugly. There actual divorce didn't affect me. It was them talking bad about each other in front of me which gave me an adult view of my parents being a child it was very confusing. I was holding secrets for them both that's what tore me in half, not them separating they were miserable, and they are better as friends ( even tho my mom still finds him gross ). But my point is, is your child going to have a better home life in the future with you guys together or divorced.
Posted by LibransnakewomanGosh only 3 and you remember everything! ! Makes me wonder what our little girl knows etc. She is in fact 2yrs and 9 1/2 months. She will be 3 on 31st March so she's not far off!
I'm so sorry, my parents divorced when I was 3, I remember everything, but I didn't tell my mom cause I knew it would hurt her, lots of petty fighting ( I just remember everything from my childhood). It was very hard, my father was the kind of guy that did twist words, their battle was ugly. There actual divorce didn't affect me. It was them talking bad about each other in front of me which gave me an adult view of my parents being a child it was very confusing. I was holding secrets for them both that's what tore me in half, not them separating they were miserable, and they are better as friends ( even tho my mom still finds him gross ). But my point is, is your child going to have a better home life in the future with you guys together or divorced.
We don't argue constantly or constantly in front of her. BUT we have had arguments in front of her which is very BAD as you very well know!
She either goes quiet and buries herself in TV or one of our phones. Or she shouts to get our attention while we are shouting at each other!
We are both in limbo because neither one if us wants to make the move - if he wants divorce too.
It means that both of us will have to spend time without our little girl and neither one of us wants to
all talk but no action smh
Posted by whatisthisallaboutYup! That's our marriage! And you've summed it up perfectly in one sentence! ?
all talk but no action smh
What does 'smh' stand for? I've seen others use it but can't work out its meaning..
Posted by pooface222Don't worry. .just found out by checking on the Internet. .Shaking My Head.Posted by whatisthisallaboutYup! That's our marriage! And you've summed it up perfectly in one sentence! ?
all talk but no action smh
What does 'smh' stand for? I've seen others use it but can't work out its meaning..click to expand
Years ago when we didn't have a child I told my husband I didn't want children. He DID want them. I was unhappy in the marriage and should have left him. BUT because he never left me, I thought he was okay with us not having kids.
I had spoken to my mother and she said 'couples break up when one person wants kids and the other doesn't. '
It took me a long time to realise he was actually giving me mixed messages. He stopped saying he wanted them, then said 'no rush.' Then stopped mentioning them altogether. Kept telling me he loves me but then behaving like the same controlling bastard he was Before putting pressure on me to have kids!!?!
WTF! ?!
Just divorce me already! But no. He stayed with me and punished me for not giving him kids - All Talk and No Action.
I should have divorced him.
It's all very confusing.
Women like you depress me.
Posted by rockyroadicecreamYes! I Depress Myself! Trust me. I know!
Women like you depress me.
I've been so stupid as to care more about my husband's needs than my own. BUT thinking that - seeing as he loves me - he will reciprocate by caring about my needs.
I never learn!
depressed.com!
Posted by pooface222
Just divorce me already! But no. He stayed with me and punished me for not giving him kids - All Talk and No Action.
Posted by pooface222
BUT thinking that - seeing as he loves me - he will reciprocate by caring about my needs.click to expand
I agree with the all talk and no action ...... you have no action at all.
You sit there waiting for him to decide the fate of you ... while you make no decisions for yourself.
You've placed yourself in the position of doormat, and apparently honor it, for you're still laying there with no action to help or better yourself.
You're sad. You think you're funny because you keep making jokes about it, like your very last entry where you typed: I never learn! depressed.com
But, it's not funny, not even a little. Instead of actually helping yourself, you hide behind ignorance and pretend that it's for giggles.
The thing here is, he's not even taking advantage of you, or harming you in any way ... because by you still being there laying on the ground before him ... you are allowing it. He is merely behaving according to what has been established as acceptable by virtue of you choosing to not stand up for the sake of yourself.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say...divorce should be a last resort. Try sincere counseling. Being a single parent is not a cake walk. And raising your child without its father for your own needs is a level of mom guilt you will soon discover. But try counseling first really put in a real effort before calling it quits.
Posted by WonderWoman14Hi ..Thanks so much WonderWoman ☺
I'm divorced and it took me a long time to realise it was the best thing to do. I thought I'd be married for life. I have also been that child myself when my parents separated when I was 7 so I know what not to do. Anyone that says staying together for the sake of the children is the right thing to do are just ignorant. It wasn't a healthy environment plus I didn't want my daughter's growing up thinking that's how a man treats a woman. They say history repeats itself. As long as the child still has plenty of contact with both parents, you can remain amicable and put their interests first. My daughter's now have two happy homes, still get quality time with both of us and actually seem much happier and content. If you have any questions you can PM me but I'm not about to put my story on here for all the judgmental people that have never been in that situation to throw their ten pence worth in.
I think you are right. It's probably better to divorce. Our little girl is only 3 but she's bright and I think she sees more than we will ever know at this point.
The thing that bothers me though is in divorce we may have to split our time with her over alternate weekends! And I can't bare that. I can't stand my husband. I also find him irresponsible.
For example, when our little girl was 3 months old - this would have been end of June - he thought it was perfectly ok to have the sunsheild of her pram completely folded down allowing the sun to stream straight into her baby eyes. We hadn't bought sun cream yet as this was the first day of hot weather so I was protecting her from sunburn etc by keeping the sheild up.
Every time I pulled the shield back up, he put it back down again, causing her to scrunch up her tiny face! He then accused me of depriving her of vitamin D by keeping the sheild on her!?!
We actually got into an argument about this! I said 'She is 3 months old! She will get sunburn! ' He then laughed at me as if somehow newborn babies skin is somehow different and special from an adults skin and Won't get burnt!
This is one of many ways he is! He refuses to listen to sense. Thinks he's right even if he's very wrong and then laughs at me.
We don't agree on anything and quite frankly it will just be the same in divorce!
I actually cannot bare even the thought of leaving her alone with such an Arsehole! Father or not!
Thanks for your advice though xx
I've a lot of thinking to do..
Posted by LibrajeanMy husband and I have discussed divorce etc and without going on to all the boring details, we went to an initial counselling session just to assess us both. And by the end of the hour my husband told the counsellor he wants to end the relationship. Typical of my weak -arse husband! He can't say it to my face but gets a counsellor to kind of do it for him! Hard to believe he's 38! 8 more like!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say...divorce should be a last resort. Try sincere counseling. Being a single parent is not a cake walk. And raising your child without its father for your own needs is a level of mom guilt you will soon discover. But try counseling first really put in a real effort before calling it quits.
He has told me he wants access to daughter. And I guess I have to give it to him! Even though I don't want to.
But he also said - last year - that he would have to help me pay my mortgage Until such time I can afford to take over the payments myself!
I hope he still thinks this..
We have been sleeping in separate rooms for the last however many weeks AND taken our wedding rings off.
I just think our relationship is doomed if we stay together and doomed if we split!
Are you still in love with that other man?
Posted by pooface222Only you can decide what's best to do. I'm fortunate in that I trust my ex with my girls implicitly. He was a shit husband and didn't treat me well but he does love his girls and would never see them come to any harm.Posted by WonderWoman14Hi ..Thanks so much WonderWoman ☺
I'm divorced and it took me a long time to realise it was the best thing to do. I thought I'd be married for life. I have also been that child myself when my parents separated when I was 7 so I know what not to do. Anyone that says staying together for the sake of the children is the right thing to do are just ignorant. It wasn't a healthy environment plus I didn't want my daughter's growing up thinking that's how a man treats a woman. They say history repeats itself. As long as the child still has plenty of contact with both parents, you can remain amicable and put their interests first. My daughter's now have two happy homes, still get quality time with both of us and actually seem much happier and content. If you have any questions you can PM me but I'm not about to put my story on here for all the judgmental people that have never been in that situation to throw their ten pence worth in.
I think you are right. It's probably better to divorce. Our little girl is only 3 but she's bright and I think she sees more than we will ever know at this point.
The thing that bothers me though is in divorce we may have to split our time with her over alternate weekends! And I can't bare that. I can't stand my husband. I also find him irresponsible.
For example, when our little girl was 3 months old - this would have been end of June - he thought it was perfectly ok to have the sunsheild of her pram completely folded down allowing the sun to stream straight into her baby eyes. We hadn't bought sun cream yet as this was the first day of hot weather so I was protecting her from sunburn etc by keeping the sheild up.
Every time I pulled the shield back up, he put it back down again, causing her to scrunch up her tiny face! He then accused me of depriving her of vitamin D by keeping the sheild on her!?!
We actually got into an argument about this! I said 'She is 3 months old! She will get sunburn! ' He then laughed at me as if somehow newborn babies skin is somehow different and special from an adults skin and Won't get burnt!
This is one of many ways he is! He refuses to listen to sense. Thinks he's right even if he's very wrong and then laughs at me.
We don't agree on anything and quite frankly it will just be the same in divorce!
I actually cannot bare even the thought of leaving her alone with such an Arsehole! Father or not!
Thanks for your advice though xx
I've a lot of thinking to do..click to expand
Your guy sounds very immature. That incident isn't even a joking matter, a babies skin is much more sensitive. Does he not wonder why children's sun screen is always such a high factor?!
All the best
Posted by MontgomeryHi ..yes I am.
Are you still in love with that other man?
But it doesn't matter anymore. I don't think he wants me now. And why should he? He spent 2yrs chasing me, just for me to stay with my husband.
There is a reason why I *stayed - will explain in a moment.
Me and the other guy started getting things together with each other again, towards the end of last year. Around November time. Things had been fragile with him not contacting me or seeing me etc (because of me not leaving). But slowly we started to talk again. But I blew it with him in January this year. Long story.
*I only realised recently that the reason I never left my husband at the time me and this guy were seeing each other, is because it wouldn't have worked financially or practically.
Emotionally we worked a dream. We communicated well. We seemed to have this psychic connection too. And many things in common.
But financially he was still paying his ex-wifes mortgage while living with his partner. So..had he left her for me, he would have to help me pay my mortgage, while I have my little girl. And I don't think he can afford to pay for both.
My husband would give up helping me pay it as he's not going to pay it while my new man lives with me.
So..practically it would mean that he would be seeing me in the daytime, at my place (once I'm divorced), and going home to his partner at night.
It's all very complicated!
I would have ended up feeling like his dirty secret. Plus..I wouldn't have allowed that situation to happen anyway. I would want that man with me, or not.
Why do you ask?
Posted by Gob_ShitePosted by pooface222Posted by MontgomeryHi ..yes I am.
Are you still in love with that other man?
But it doesn't matter anymore. I don't think he wants me now. And why should he? He spent 2yrs chasing me, just for me to stay with my husband.
There is a reason why I *stayed - will explain in a moment.
Me and the other guy started getting things together with each other again, towards the end of last year. Around November time. Things had been fragile with him not contacting me or seeing me etc (because of me not leaving). But slowly we started to talk again. But I blew it with him in January this year. Long story.
*I only realised recently that the reason I never left my husband at the time me and this guy were seeing each other, is because it wouldn't have worked financially or practically.
Emotionally we worked a dream. We communicated well. We seemed to have this psychic connection too. And many things in common.
But financially he was still paying his ex-wifes mortgage while living with his partner. So..had he left her for me, he would have to help me pay my mortgage, while I have my little girl. And I don't think he can afford to pay for both.
My husband would give up helping me pay it as he's not going to pay it while my new man lives with me.
So..practically it would mean that he would be seeing me in the daytime, at my place (once I'm divorced), and going home to his partner at night.
It's all very complicated!
I would have ended up feeling like his dirty secret. Plus..I wouldn't have allowed that situation to happen anyway. I would want that man with me, or not.
Why do you ask?
So, basically, this all boils down to financial convenience for you...
*smh*
click to expand
Errr no! I can see why you think that but no!
I was actually saying that Both me and the other guy had problems of our own that were preventing us being together.
Therefore would rather sort them first.
Anyway..It doesn't matter now. It's over and this post is about Divorce with my husband.
Posted by RindarooHi..Posted by pooface222Well divorce is hard, but it'll be okay. It sounds like that's what coming. Is your daughter the biggest issue why you've been staying together? Yes, he'll have rights unless you have a real reason why he shouldn't. Interesting that last sentence of yours..Posted by LibrajeanMy husband and I have discussed divorce etc and without going on to all the boring details, we went to an initial counselling session just to assess us both. And by the end of the hour my husband told the counsellor he wants to end the relationship. Typical of my weak -arse husband! He can't say it to my face but gets a counsellor to kind of do it for him! Hard to believe he's 38! 8 more like!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say...divorce should be a last resort. Try sincere counseling. Being a single parent is not a cake walk. And raising your child without its father for your own needs is a level of mom guilt you will soon discover. But try counseling first really put in a real effort before calling it quits.
He has told me he wants access to daughter. And I guess I have to give it to him! Even though I don't want to.
But he also said - last year - that he would have to help me pay my mortgage Until such time I can afford to take over the payments myself!
I hope he still thinks this..
We have been sleeping in separate rooms for the last however many weeks AND taken our wedding rings off.
I just think our relationship is doomed if we stay together and doomed if we split!
click to expand
Why is my last sentence 'interesting?
Posted by Gob_Shitepoofface has a very complicated relationships with men. smh.Posted by pooface222Posted by MontgomeryHi ..yes I am.
Are you still in love with that other man?
But it doesn't matter anymore. I don't think he wants me now. And why should he? He spent 2yrs chasing me, just for me to stay with my husband.
There is a reason why I *stayed - will explain in a moment.
Me and the other guy started getting things together with each other again, towards the end of last year. Around November time. Things had been fragile with him not contacting me or seeing me etc (because of me not leaving). But slowly we started to talk again. But I blew it with him in January this year. Long story.
*I only realised recently that the reason I never left my husband at the time me and this guy were seeing each other, is because it wouldn't have worked financially or practically.
Emotionally we worked a dream. We communicated well. We seemed to have this psychic connection too. And many things in common.
But financially he was still paying his ex-wifes mortgage while living with his partner. So..had he left her for me, he would have to help me pay my mortgage, while I have my little girl. And I don't think he can afford to pay for both.
My husband would give up helping me pay it as he's not going to pay it while my new man lives with me.
So..practically it would mean that he would be seeing me in the daytime, at my place (once I'm divorced), and going home to his partner at night.
It's all very complicated!
I would have ended up feeling like his dirty secret. Plus..I wouldn't have allowed that situation to happen anyway. I would want that man with me, or not.
Why do you ask?
So, basically, this all boils down to financial convenience for you...
*smh*
click to expand
Posted by lisabethur8Yes well thanks for that comment!Posted by Gob_Shitepoofface has a very complicated relationships with men. smh.Posted by pooface222Posted by MontgomeryHi ..yes I am.
Are you still in love with that other man?
But it doesn't matter anymore. I don't think he wants me now. And why should he? He spent 2yrs chasing me, just for me to stay with my husband.
There is a reason why I *stayed - will explain in a moment.
Me and the other guy started getting things together with each other again, towards the end of last year. Around November time. Things had been fragile with him not contacting me or seeing me etc (because of me not leaving). But slowly we started to talk again. But I blew it with him in January this year. Long story.
*I only realised recently that the reason I never left my husband at the time me and this guy were seeing each other, is because it wouldn't have worked financially or practically.
Emotionally we worked a dream. We communicated well. We seemed to have this psychic connection too. And many things in common.
But financially he was still paying his ex-wifes mortgage while living with his partner. So..had he left her for me, he would have to help me pay my mortgage, while I have my little girl. And I don't think he can afford to pay for both.
My husband would give up helping me pay it as he's not going to pay it while my new man lives with me.
So..practically it would mean that he would be seeing me in the daytime, at my place (once I'm divorced), and going home to his partner at night.
It's all very complicated!
I would have ended up feeling like his dirty secret. Plus..I wouldn't have allowed that situation to happen anyway. I would want that man with me, or not.
Why do you ask?
So, basically, this all boils down to financial convenience for you...
*smh*
click to expand
The most complicated thing is having a man come into my life, not long after having a baby and wanting a relationship with me. And I with him.
I had too much going on in my life at the time to realise that, it was the wrong time for me and this new man. I'd just had a baby 3 months previously. I had just gone back to work and also wanted to leave my husband.
BUT with a 3 month old baby and work to focus on and while being in an unhappy marriage, I realise now sadly too late that I should have told the other guy that it's not the right time for us.
I was so busy with my baby all day and my work at night and being unhappy there was no more space in my head to sort out or realise what was going on.
And being with the other guy made me happy so I kept on seeing him. However I just didn't expect him to start rushing me early on by saying 'where do we go from here? '
I didn't know how to answer that! He had originally told me he wants to take things slow. And so did I. Give myself time to sort my life our.
Anyway, like I said. It doesn't matter now. It's all gone wrong. My marriage. The relationship with the other guy and now I'm more unhappy and in limbo and I don't know what to do.
I should have just set myself free from both men - husband and lover, so at least I have space to sort my head out and to work out whether I fix my marriage or leave it to be with the other guy..
to be honest I don't think you are in a healthy place to be with anyone.
the types of men you attract are, I can't pinpoint it...they don't sound very healthy either
they seem to just allow you to do whatever it is you want to do.
the types of men you attract are, I can't pinpoint it...they don't sound very healthy either
they seem to just allow you to do whatever it is you want to do.
cheaters always get the raw ends of deals .... welcome to your life, cheater !!!!
This is the bed you made for yourself .... now sleep in it without complaint.
I can totally relate to everything you are saying!
Even having adult kids it's insanely hard to make a decision of divorce because NOW when kids are having sex themselves - it's kind of strange to say 'mom wants to have sex with another man'...
Also I don't understand when people making financial issue as 'dirty' and not important like it shouldn't be matter!
I am feeling really uneasy knowing that my lover now if ever we are together - will have to support me pretty much though he once let me know he thinks that's how it's supposed to be and he doesn't mind.
Rather insists - but I wouldn't want that!
So in my cituation I am only different because I am annoyed by my husband.
However I feel sorry for him. I babied him too much and now leaving him seems like abandoning a child. So I am tippitoeing around this idea trying to see 'how do I say that'...rehearsing in my head daily!
Hoping maybe he will meet someone...
So I do understand how you 'all talk' because I am the same way.
Going in circles. Nursing an idea. Having no clue what to do. Sick and tired of being sick and tired...
But eventually we both are going to DO something...maybe it's not time yet.
I've read somewhere that man finally divorced his wife after 13 years! He said he lost these years because now hernia very happy. And I don't want that! I don't have 13 years to lose...do you?
Even having adult kids it's insanely hard to make a decision of divorce because NOW when kids are having sex themselves - it's kind of strange to say 'mom wants to have sex with another man'...
Also I don't understand when people making financial issue as 'dirty' and not important like it shouldn't be matter!
I am feeling really uneasy knowing that my lover now if ever we are together - will have to support me pretty much though he once let me know he thinks that's how it's supposed to be and he doesn't mind.
Rather insists - but I wouldn't want that!
So in my cituation I am only different because I am annoyed by my husband.
However I feel sorry for him. I babied him too much and now leaving him seems like abandoning a child. So I am tippitoeing around this idea trying to see 'how do I say that'...rehearsing in my head daily!
Hoping maybe he will meet someone...
So I do understand how you 'all talk' because I am the same way.
Going in circles. Nursing an idea. Having no clue what to do. Sick and tired of being sick and tired...
But eventually we both are going to DO something...maybe it's not time yet.
I've read somewhere that man finally divorced his wife after 13 years! He said he lost these years because now hernia very happy. And I don't want that! I don't have 13 years to lose...do you?
Because I remember your story, and I'd hoped
that you weren't divorcing to be with that man.
His "partner" had also left her marriage to be
with him, because he pressured her to do so--
and when she did, he just moved on to his next
conquest-- You.
He has a clear pattern and he's patient... I would
bet money that there's already someone else.
(You didn't 'blow it'-- he seems to be a bit of a
con artist.)
So are you still wanting a divorce if he is no
longer an option?
That's what I'm trying to clarify.
that you weren't divorcing to be with that man.
His "partner" had also left her marriage to be
with him, because he pressured her to do so--
and when she did, he just moved on to his next
conquest-- You.
He has a clear pattern and he's patient... I would
bet money that there's already someone else.
(You didn't 'blow it'-- he seems to be a bit of a
con artist.)
So are you still wanting a divorce if he is no
longer an option?
That's what I'm trying to clarify.
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All your friends and colleagues are married, most with kids, and every conversation starts with my husband, my wife, and you have nothing to say. What is different about majority of the people around you that have a life partner, and you, who has been sin
But. .I am very unhappy in my marriage and should have left 4 years ago. Instead I stayed and had a child because I was scared of divorce and scared of the unknown.
Now..I am still scared but now I have a little girl of 2 1/2.
Quite frankly I hate my husband! And I haven't felt loved by him for about 5 years. And we've only been married 7 years.
Anyway I dont trust my husband either. Not because he has cheated - not to my knowledge anyway - but because he has a way of twisting things when the going gets tough. I am not like this. I tell it straight.
Therefore asking him for a divorce will likely cause him to turn nasty. We've been fighting for the last 2 years and we have lost respect for each other and have started doing stuff like going out shopping without even saying 'I'm going out now'.
I just wondered ladies what your experiences are if asking your husband for a divorce, how you found the courage and how you survived.
I am 40 in 2 weeks time and I just can't face going into my 40's feeling like this!
Thank you in advance. .