AbbyNormal
@AbbyNormal
12 Years5,000+ PostsTaurus
Comments: 14265 · Posts: 5321 · Topics: 61
Need some of my elder women's opinions.... (Page 2)
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Posted by tiziani
Personally, I wouldn't worry about it. It sounds like it's a memento of his innappropriate ma.
If it were me I'd ask to put the photo on the bed and have sex on it. But you guys can go about it whichever ways works for you both the best.
Haha gross. I didn't even need that image tiz thanks lol
Posted by GobbyPosted by AbbyNormalPosted by GobbyPosted by AbbyNormalPosted by GobbyPosted by AbbyNormal
I don't feel special and I can't stop thinking about it.
This is what it essentially boils down to.
Your bruised ego is forgetting why you're with him in the first place and that no-one can make you feel special 24/7, year in year out.
The only thing that your backstory implies is that, due to such family trauma in your younger years, you're prone to sabotaging your own relationships.
click to expand
Yeah due to abandonment. Lol it's a real fear. click to expand
And, due to that fear, you'd rather 'be in control' even if that means ruining potentially good relationships. But you're not in control - you're fooling yourself into thinking that you are but, in actual fact, that unresolved fear is controlling you.
Have you seen a counsellor about it? If not, it's something worth considering.
click to expand
Let's be real. If it were controlling me, I wouldn't try at all nor would I ponder how to grow from it. It's an issue but I don't find much difference between counseling and talking to other I know who I respect their wisdom. click to expand
And if it wasn't controlling you, you wouldn't be here with this thread feeling the way you do. The fear is real but, to what extent, only you can answer.
Btw, a counsellor would be impartial and, due to not being directly involved in the relationship, they would also be able to see things more clearly. Most partners, even with the best intentions, aren't able to do that.
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Agree to disagree.
Y'all I never claimed to be perfect or have it all together. I'm lost af. All I'm trying to do is be happy. I've learned a lot about myself these last 34 years and yeah, I have more to tackle but this is it. Right here right now. I'm doing my best to be ok with this and wrap my head around it before I do anything I can't undo. That's progress if I ever saw it. Lol I come here for some of my impartial advice and truly I need to hear it all. It's up to me what I do with it.
Posted by AbbyNormalI saw some of your very excellent advice on other boards, so I know you are and will be okey, because you have a sound head over your shoulders
Y'all I never claimed to be perfect or have it all together. I'm lost af. All I'm trying to do is be happy. I've learned a lot about myself these last 34 years and yeah, I have more to tackle but this is it. Right here right now. I'm doing my best to be ok with this and wrap my head around it before I do anything I can't undo. That's progress if I ever saw it. Lol I come here for some of my impartial advice and truly I need to hear it all. It's up to me what I do with it.
if only your own temperament and mind will allow to enjoy it...
f**ck the past, lose the baggage, dont revisit it (I am rarely vulgar, but it seems warranted)
come back to the other side 🙂
Posted by jeaneyeah I read later in the post that it was true, omg that is so strange to me lolPosted by tctaoPosted by jeaneI agree with this. Rather than run like you mentioned because he didn't feel it in-appropriate enough to trash; perhaps turn your feelings back a notch and watch and wait to see what he is truly made of. I personally am not so sure it was his mother that sent it. Because that sounds ludicrous. Could be true but - really ? ... anywho I will respond tomorrow if you write back - got to go for now. click to expand
for me, i would want to see it!! then we could both laugh at it, think how weird it is and then i wouldn't worry about it.
it's only a problem if you make it a problem.
he's not with her. he doesn't want to be with her. he is with you. if you show him that you are a much better catch than her (he probably knows that already), then that picture becomes meaningless.
he's had other relationships before you. you can't erase them from his mind. they are what made him who he is. all you can do is concentrate on the now and whatever future you have together.
my partner had recently come out of a long term relationship when we first met. its fair to say he was still smarting from it and even before we got together i was encouraging him to give it another shot with his ex. recently he said to me that he can't even remember what he saw in her. that is peace of mind to me. he came to that on his own. i didn't have to do anything except be myself.
if you start wanting him to have certain feelings, behave a certain way, make certain decisions so you can avoid any sort of emotional growth it's not going to go in your favour in the long run. see this as a challenge for you to get past your past. you're choosing to hang on to it and determine your future. don't. maybe this has come into your life so you can move beyond your own baggage. see it for the opportunity that it is.
i believe it. my mother would do something mad like that. click to expandclick to expand
Posted by Pandora101
anyway, as I said earlier, its too soon to demand to thro away anything and too soon to unload the reasons behind it on a fresh date (on both sides), IMHO
just observe and enjoy it
choose your battles
that´s not one of them AT 1 month.....
if you react, he will be telling this story for years to come to everybody about the crazy jealous chick he dated, who demanded he dispose of some picture
+1
You've only been "talking" to this guy for roughly about a month, which is way too soon to be making demands and getting worked up about something like this.
He will probably have the sense to get rid of it if/once you become exclusive. For all you know, it's laying flat upside down underneath a pile of junk inside his closet. For him to reveal this detail indicates that he doesn't think much of it, and neither should you.
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