Would it be bad to break up with a man if he doesn’t feel motivated to buy his own car?

Hi

I decided to post in this because I’m in desperate need for some advice, especially from men. Please don’t assume that I’m materialistic or a gold digger. Read my post and tell me your thoughts (it’s a little bit long...)

My boyfriend didn’t had a car when I met him and I was completely okay with dating him and being his girlfriend since he’s a good guy. I have my own car so I have let my boyfriend use it. He has been using it for the past two years. He drives it when he needs to go somewhere and I also drive him to work on a daily basis.

Here’s the problem: Since his job is near mine, I had no problems driving him but now his company has been making him commute to another location which is more distant. Since he doesn’t have transportation I’ve let him have the car for the day and now he drops me off at work. I had no problems doing this for a while but now I’m getting annoyed by it. I don’t think it makes sense that he has my car while I’m paying for it. My car is expensive. I’m paying a loan for it, plus insurance, maintenance and gas. My boyfriend offers gas once in a while but the most he has given me is $ 10.00 and I usually pay 25.00 for the entire week.

Besides this, he also uses my car for his side business. He buys and re sells stuff and uses my car as a “pick up” truck to load it with heavy things he needs to deliver to his customers. I have a mini SUV so it’s not an ideal car to be putting a lot of weight on it. He knows this but still doesn’t do anything to get his own car. So far he has not saved ANYTHING to get his own car because he’s bad with money. I think he assumed he’ll be using mine forever.

I don’t know if I might sound selfish but I’m a little bit jealous of my car. Before I had it, I took the bus for years and never bothered anyone for rides. I figured things out on my own. So it doesn’t seem fair that now I have to give up my car that I work hard for so that someone else enjoys it. Boyfriend doesn’t tell his company he cannot go to the other location due to lack of transportation, so they keep sending him there. Since I want my car back for myself, I told my boyfriend he needs to figure out how to get to the new location. Now he’s giving me the silent treatment. He always does this when he doesn’t get his way. He says he doesn’t understand my way of loving him since I don’t give him my car. Until what point am I supposed to help him— He assumes that I’m being selfish.

Since this problem has been going on for a while and he gets mad over it instead of having a plan to get a car, I’m starting to wonder if I should end the relationship. I am okay with him using my car once in a while but I don’t want him to take advantage of my generosity. If he throws a tantrum every time I put a boundary, then he will walk all over me. Am I bad for wanting him to find alternatives and get his own car instead of relying on mine— Would it be bad to break up with him if this problem persists—

We could use just one car but since he has his side business and needs to commute to the other location at work, I think a car for himself would be necessary. I love him a lot but I don’t see him doing anything to become more independent.

I dunno. What sign is the car?

LMAO at the most superficially sounding title. Luckily, the content proved anything but...

The problem is that he gets mad at you for petty things. That he feels entitled to things and then abuses you, when he doesn’t get his way. The car is just the first of many issues.

Posted by geminiflyby

I dunno. What sign is the car?

My face:

Your dating a man who is not on your level...not even talking material possessions but just character.

I’ve been there. I’ve been the pick me who wants to give the “good” guy a chance. I wanted to play the supportive girlfriend. Help him build. Fix him up.

You knew where that left me? Same place it will leave you. With A high odometer and bitter.

He shoulda been saved up for a used car. But he’s dependent on you and guilt trips you.

When I got fed up and demanded my car back, I got verbally abused, called all kinds of names.

I ran outside with a towel on right out the shower. Demanding my own car keys back. After him flipping the script on me many times we ME asking HIM permission to use my own damn car.

He grabbed the towel off of me in anger and I was naked in the apartment parking lot for all the world to see.

Leave this guy

I look at my car everyday now and I never take for granted that I can just grab the keys and go. Cause it was not always like that at all.

I hate abusive and codependent relationship with a passion.

You just have everything I have. At the very least.

My tipping point in the whole thing is that he isn't paying for all the gas he is using and your paying for him to go places.

Stop putting gas in the car and see how he reacts.

Other then that I'd never date a guy with out his own means of transportation. I live in a city with shitty public transportation so having a car is vital for every day living. I wouldn't mind so much if I lived in a city like NY where you have subways and busses... but I wouldn't pay for a vehicle and pay for the gas and the insurance for someone else to use my only means of transportation. Plus, having owned a few cars over the years... how many miles is he putting on YOUR car... wear and tear. Oil changes. Engine issues that you are also having to deal with. Ugh. That would piss me off.

Possibly if you're a Cap. Otherwise, no

Yes, he’s obviously going to put more miles on the car, the more he uses it. I’ve told him already but he thinks I should let him use it instead of him taking buses or whatever. He wants me to feel sorry for him taking the bus. We live in Los Angeles by the way.

I always hear from him “I will have my own car soon” but that never happens. He’s been saying the same thing for a long time and he takes no action. He has no money saved up. That’s why I’m getting angry and resentful.

Or maybe a temporary solution would be to tell him that until he gets his car I we can take a break from the relationship. I do love him but I my car is very valuable to me. I don’t want him to damage it someday or for the car to have less value faster.

I have a $ 20k charge off on my credit from letting my boyfriend use my brand new car while I was at work. I had lapsed in insurance payment after moving to California and of course, right during that time, he totaled my car. I’m stuck paying for it because I don’t kid myself into thinking he’d be responsible enough to pay for it, considering he’s not responsible at all.

He’s shown you that he’s irresponsible. What you do with that information is on you. Just know not doing something, is doing something. Any consequences are on you especially now that you are conscious of it. Sink or swim time. You can let him do it on his own, or pull you down with him. What’s it gonna be?

Jody should’ve been saved for a car. You were a lot too patient with him.

Ignore him back and let him find a way.

He should’ve planned for it. He’s on a serious co-dependant trip.

If he has good credit, he can go to a car lot with very little to no money down and get a car for $ 100-150 a month.

His lack of planning isn’t your problem when you’ve given him 2 years of car use.

Posted by saggurl88

Jody should’ve been saved for a car. You were a lot too patient with him.

Ignore him back and let him find a way.

He should’ve planned for it. He’s on a serious co-dependant trip.

If he has good credit, he can go to a car lot with very little to no money down and get a car for $ 100-150 a month.

His lack of planning isn’t your problem when you’ve given him 2 years of car use.

@ Jody 😭😭😭

Posted by geminiflyby

I dunno. What sign is the car?

*like* LOL!

Posted by seasiren

I would end it. The car is symbolic of the underlined issues here. He doesn't respect you or the relationship. He sounds like he is in this for the benefits to him (you, your car, sex, a place to live, etc.) He is irresponsible and can't save money to buy a car (secretly has no plans to). He is co-dependent, immature, insecure, and entitled; he's using you. He's a parasite, staying around until he can find a new host to move in on and suck dry. $ 10 toward the car, that's all? When you set boundaries he punishes you and throws tantrums. ?! This is a child, that is weak energy. I'm pretty sure he also secretly resents you. I'd move on!

I second this!! Couldn’t have said it better myself.

Posted by sunshinegypsy

My boyfriend didn’t had a car when I met him and I was completely okay with dating him...

My car is expensive. I’m paying a loan for it, plus insurance, maintenance and gas....

He knows this but still doesn’t do anything to get his own car. So far he has not saved ANYTHING to get his own car because he’s bad with money. I think he assumed he’ll be using mine forever....

You knew all of this before offering your car correct? Therefore, you need to take some ownership for how this is playing out, as you offered your car without setting clear boundaries from the get go. Honestly, I think it would have been more than reasonable to NOT offer your car given everything you lined out above. Giving someone a lift to work because it's on the way is not the same as loaning an expensive piece of machinery that they are not financially responsible for, so you need to ask yourself why you were so willing to do that. The fact that he only offers you $ 10 when he is using the car the majority of the time is bs. I'd tell him he needs to use the $ 10 towards a bus pass and not feel any way about it.

Posted by sunshinegypsy

I don’t know if I might sound selfish but I’m a little bit jealous of my car. Before I had it, I took the bus for years and never bothered anyone for rides. I figured things out on my own. So it doesn’t seem fair that now I have to give up my car that I work hard for so that someone else enjoys it.

You don't have to give up your car, you are choosing to....

Posted by sunshinegypsy

Since I want my car back for myself, I told my boyfriend he needs to figure out how to get to the new location. Now he’s giving me the silent treatment. He always does this when he doesn’t get his way. He says he doesn’t understand my way of loving him since I don’t give him my car. Until what point am I supposed to help him— He assumes that I’m being selfish.

Since this problem has been going on for a while and he gets mad over it instead of having a plan to get a car, I’m starting to wonder if I should end the relationship. I am okay with him using my car once in a while but I don’t want him to take advantage of my generosity. If he throws a tantrum every time I put a boundary, then he will walk all over me. Am I bad for wanting him to find alternatives and get his own car instead of relying on mine— Would it be bad to break up with him if this problem persists—

click to expand

I wouldn't break up with him because he doesn't have his own car or even because he is unwilling to buy one. I'd break up with him because his reaction and behaviour is quite immature and repulsive. When a man like that gives you the silent treatment, tell him he can stay silent.

Posted by Dreamy88

The fact that he needs a car, relies on your car, and has no desire to resolve the problem at hand shows lack of responsibility, lack of problem solving, and lack of money management. If I remember right, those are the opposite traits of someone people prefer to commit to.

*like*

Posted by sunshinegypsy

Yes, he’s obviously going to put more miles on the car, the more he uses it. I’ve told him already but he thinks I should let him use it instead of him taking buses or whatever. He wants me to feel sorry for him taking the bus. We live in Los Angeles by the way...

What was he doing before he met you? How was he getting to work then? If he was using someone else's car, that tells you a lot. If not, and he was using the bus, that tells you a lot too.

If he wants to eat, he'll find a way to get his a** to wherever the hell he needs to go.

Posted by sunshinegypsy

I always hear from him “I will have my own car soon” but that never happens. He’s been saying the same thing for a long time and he takes no action. He has no money saved up. That’s why I’m getting angry and resentful.

Or maybe a temporary solution would be to tell him that until he gets his car I we can take a break from the relationship. I do love him but I my car is very valuable to me. I don’t want him to damage it someday or for the car to have less value faster.

click to expand

Okay, so you don't know how to stand up to him, or at least that is how this reads. Suggesting you "temporarily" take a break from the relationship until he gets his car is just as manipulative as his silent treatment. You can't force someone to be an adult and treat you with respect. Take your car back. Or start filling out the paperwork for small claims court now because that is the only way you'll be getting your money back when he f*cks it up.

Posted by AbbyNormal

He’s shown you that he’s irresponsible. What you do with that information is on you. Just know not doing something, is doing something. Any consequences are on you especially now that you are conscious of it. Sink or swim time. You can let him do it on his own, or pull you down with him. What’s it gonna be?

*like*

Unless he’s paying for maintenance, registration, insurance, and filling the tank every time he uses your vehicle. No not ok.

Thing is you’ve allowed him to do so for the last 2 years. Good luck trying to change it up lol.

I also question the type of guy who is such a grade a moocher. Like how is your pussy ever wet around him?

Congrats you have a child you are financially on the hook for without ever giving birth. It’s a Mary/Jesus miracle just in time for Easter. Mazel tov

Men without vehicles are worthless. Now there are circumstances I can understand. Like my friends parents threw him out when he was 18, and knowing how shit American schools are most kids don't know shit yet. It took him till 28 to finally establish enough stability to get his vehicle. Which funny enough his dad helped him get. (They should have helped him in his late teens) but thats besides the point. Funny enough soon after he got his license and vehicle he met a really good woman for his type of life style . So imo I feel bad throwing a man who was given shitty cards under the bus for not have his own vehicle, but you want man who at the least has the want and drive to obtain his own source of transportation, and that should be his number 1 goal imo.

He's holding your car as collateral. No you're not mean. He is lazy and unfair.

Tell him to get a bus pass.

Cancer men always need a mommy.

Also, never stay with someone who reacts to you bringing up your concerns and issues on the relationship.

They don’t offer any respect or understanding.

Then they make you feel guilty and they get their way.

Be firm and kick that baby out.

Well, if he doesn't like cars, then you can either accept and respect that, or move on...but would be stupid to break up because of that...and if he enjoys driving, but doesn't want to buy it, and he could buy it if he wanted, then yeah, that may be the issue, and if it really bothers you and he still just want to continue using your car, then dump him.

Tell him to get his own car ....

He's a mooch. I hope he's at least contributing to paying for gas.

Posted by _elle_

Posted by peachy06

Posted by _elle_

Posted by peachy06

OP is superficial.

How so?

The title says it all.

Is she dating her bf for him or what he has ?

Seems to me it is the other way around, he is dating her for what she has.

click to expand

“My boyfriend offers gas once in a while but the most he has given me is $ 10.00 and I usually pay 25.00 for the entire week”

He uses the car every day and isn’t paying his way

Sounds like he’s taking the piss....