@Gem03
9 Years
How bad is a man's indecision?
If he is already dating you but not willing to commit to only you, that's a bad sign.
I don't understand dating at all. If I am "dating" someone it's only because I see a future with them, so I'm already committed to them and feel like it's a relationship. I can't wrap my head around the whole casual dating thing.. seems very confusing.
Same. Every time I'm like 'I'll be "open minded" and give this person a chance' it's a disaster. Although, it could be that the last time I did that it was a Gemini 🤔😹
If a man needs time to decide if he wants to be in a relationship with you or not, is that a bad sign? That he is not ready to give you an answer yet?
-You know each other well
-Have been dating for a while now
-Have chemistry and hung out in person
Sounds like someone who is stringing you along until he gets bored or finds someone else. Avoid.
How long is a “while”? Are we talking weeks or years?
We have been good friends for years and have dated starting january.
I point blank asked him if he had genuine feelings for me and if he wanted to be with me. He said yes he has feelings for me. That he wants to be with me but is hesitant and wants to think things through. He said he will probably have an answer the next time we see each other in person (he lives an hour away).
How long is a “while”? Are we talking weeks or years?
We have been good friends for years and have dated starting january.
click to expand
Is he a pandemic relationship because options are limited right now? Would you have considered it previously?
This can be ask of both of you.
I point blank asked him if he had genuine feelings for me and if he wanted to be with me. He said yes he has feelings for me. That he wants to be with me but is hesitant and wants to think things through. He said he will probably have an answer the next time we see each other in person (he lives an hour away).
I would ask more questions about what is there to think through to kinda gauge where he’s at. I know as a Venus in Virgo I am an over thinker and I typically slow to commit but it’s always for a reason. So I would try to find out what that reason is.
click to expand
So this man has virgo sun+moon+mercury+venus and leo mars.
Things were going ok then 2 weeks ago he shut himself off after randomly (we were joking around) saying “i need to think things through”. I was like cool and gave him space. Then after 2 days I gently started asking questions. We had a day long convo. This was when i asked him if he likes me or not. Does he want to be with me. I asked him whats causing him to be so hesitant. Then I addressed his concerns while listening to him. I told him what I want from him and that I want a relationship. He said he understood and that he isn’t ready to give me an answer yet. He still keeps everyday contact with me and Im trying to match his energy and not be pushy
I was honest about what i felt for him and that I am invested in him.
Im gemini sun+moon+mars with aries venus and taurus mercury.
A man not being able to make up his mind would be a big turn off for me...
If a man needs time to decide if he wants to be in a relationship with you or not, is that a bad sign? That he is not ready to give you an answer yet?
-You know each other well
-Have been dating for a while now
-Have chemistry and hung out in person
What you claim as chemistry he may just consider it an easy convenience for him.
Work on your inner self and don’t let him waste your time, but I’m sure you’ll be like my exes and waste time on a nonconformist guy. Good luck 🍀
Why think twice? If he is hesitant now he maybe hesitant later
If a man needs time to decide if he wants to be in a relationship with you or not, is that a bad sign? That he is not ready to give you an answer yet?
-You know each other well
-Have been dating for a while now
-Have chemistry and hung out in person
What you claim as chemistry he may just consider it an easy convenience for him.
Work on your inner self and don’t let him waste your time, but I’m sure you’ll be like my exes and waste time on a nonconformist guy. Good luck 🍀
click to expand
Are you the nonconformist guy? Do women waste time with you?
If a man needs time to decide if he wants to be in a relationship with you or not, is that a bad sign? That he is not ready to give you an answer yet?
-You know each other well
-Have been dating for a while now
-Have chemistry and hung out in person
What you claim as chemistry he may just consider it an easy convenience for him.
Work on your inner self and don’t let him waste your time, but I’m sure you’ll be like my exes and waste time on a nonconformist guy. Good luck 🍀
Are you the nonconformist guy? Do women waste time with you?
click to expand
I provide a great service that’s rare but I was always upfront about the direction In what I wanted. “I was the guy that they thought would change for them” as if there the exception. But yes they wasted time thinking my mind would change.
If a man needs time to decide if he wants to be in a relationship with you or not, is that a bad sign? That he is not ready to give you an answer yet?
-You know each other well
-Have been dating for a while now
-Have chemistry and hung out in person
What you claim as chemistry he may just consider it an easy convenience for him.
Work on your inner self and don’t let him waste your time, but I’m sure you’ll be like my exes and waste time on a nonconformist guy. Good luck 🍀
Solid advice. Are you working on yourself as well since you admittedly have wasted the time of others and allowed them to waste their time on you?
click to expand
I’m definitely working on myself because I believe in karma and I just hope I can be a better person each and every day.
If a man needs time to decide if he wants to be in a relationship with you or not, is that a bad sign? That he is not ready to give you an answer yet?
-You know each other well
-Have been dating for a while now
-Have chemistry and hung out in person
What you claim as chemistry he may just consider it an easy convenience for him.
Work on your inner self and don’t let him waste your time, but I’m sure you’ll be like my exes and waste time on a nonconformist guy. Good luck 🍀
Are you the nonconformist guy? Do women waste time with you?
They don’t waste time because I provide a great service that’s rare.
click to expand
What service is that? 🧐
if it's not a hell yes, it's a no.
If a man needs time to decide if he wants to be in a relationship with you or not, is that a bad sign? That he is not ready to give you an answer yet?
-You know each other well
-Have been dating for a while now
-Have chemistry and hung out in person
The bottom line is... Regardless of what anyone says or how anyone behaves, you have to decide what you will and will not tolerate. Some men string women along and vice versa. Some people are damaged and we at times give them time to figure out what's in front of them, but there should be a limit if you know your own self worth. So, boldly decide for yourself, how much time will you grant him and whenever that time is up just walk away based on principles if nothing else. I am a firm believer in all people know what they want instantly. I also believe that the way a person NEVER treats two people who have been in a relationship with them the same. So, it's important overall for you to know your own worth, set healthy boundaries, and stand on principles even if you lose someone that ends up being great for someone else. You need to find the person that sees your value instantly and is willing to follow all your crazy rules waiting on you because the way it begins will be the way it ends if it is to end.
If a man needs time to decide if he wants to be in a relationship with you or not, is that a bad sign? That he is not ready to give you an answer yet?
-You know each other well
-Have been dating for a while now
-Have chemistry and hung out in person
The bottom line is... Regardless of what anyone says or how anyone behaves, you have to decide what you will and will not tolerate. Some men string women along and vice versa. Some people are damaged and we at times give them time to figure out what's in front of them, but there should be a limit if you know your own self worth. So, boldly decide for yourself, how much time will you grant him and whenever that time is up just walk away based on principles if nothing else. I am a firm believer in all people know what they want instantly. I also believe that the way a person NEVER treats two people who have been in a relationship with them the same. So, it's important overall for you to know your own worth, set healthy boundaries, and stand on principles even if you lose someone that ends up being great for someone else. You need to find the person that sees your value instantly and is willing to follow all your crazy rules waiting on you because the way it begins will be the way it ends if it is to end.
I talked to him some more regarding commitment, he said that he gets more passionate and more possessive in a relationship that its a different mindset. He said "I'm taking my time which shows you I care". Also that "commitment is scary" (his words).
I am giving him a couple weeks but after that I am done.
He divulged that "Commitment is scary, we are 22...so young so the idea of getting into a relationship is scary especially with someone who you know it'll probably last with cause then you are IN IT....DEEP. And thats a whole different state of mind and life style . Its just scary with all the uncertainties. Plus you are my friend before anything so I feel like I can talk to you for real. I'm just scared and uncertain thats all"
I validated his feelings and reassured him of course....I also said how friendship is a good foundation for a serious relationship
He’s a virgo, and 22, and you’re giving him time limits and say you’re giving “space”, but call after two days.
He’s not interested. No way at 22, would I put up with your pushiness and time frames.
Maybe work on yourself, and don’t give yourself to someone in a false type of relationship where you have some hidden timeline of expectations to lock a man down.
Very bad
Mines too
If a man needs time to decide if he wants to be in a relationship with you or not, is that a bad sign? That he is not ready to give you an answer yet?
-You know each other well
-Have been dating for a while now
-Have chemistry and hung out in person
How long is a while?
I have wasted 7yrs waiting for a guy to leave his partner for me!
If he is already dating you but not willing to commit to only you, that's a bad sign.
I don't understand dating at all. If I am "dating" someone it's only because I see a future with them, so I'm already committed to them and feel like it's a relationship. I can't wrap my head around the whole casual dating thing.. seems very confusing.
💯% agree with this.
I talked to him some more regarding commitment, he said that he gets more passionate and more possessive in a relationship that its a different mindset. He said "I'm taking my time which shows you I care". Also that "commitment is scary" (his words).
I am giving him a couple weeks but after that I am done.
Commitment is only scary when you have lukewarm feelings for someone or they are a placeholder for you. I’ve seen this first hand that when a guy is into you, he’s willing to marry you in one year whether or not he has the means to, and when he’s not, he will move at glacial speed. LoL
He’s a virgo, and 22, and you’re giving him time limits and say you’re giving “space”, but call after two days.
He’s not interested. No way at 22, would I put up with your pushiness and time frames.
Maybe work on yourself, and don’t give yourself to someone in a false type of relationship where you have some hidden timeline of expectations to lock a man down.
I only reached out because he did it first....I thought I wouldn't hear from him for a couple weeks. I don't have hidden timelines. Its the fact that I can only give so much and how patient i can be with him is only up to me. Why would I hang on to a man for too long??....I understand taking time to think things through. But at some point your indecision turns into your decision.
Naw the age thing is a convenient excuse. If he wanted to be with you he'd lock it down. He wouldn't want someone else to sweep you off your feet. We are talking about a relationship, not a lifetime commitment of marriage. He's known you for a decade, he's known himself for much longer, and he is still unsure.
So either you are lacking in what he has imagined for himself, or he is not ready to be with anyone at this time.
You are doing the right thing by giving yourself a time limit before closing the door here. I get it, there is a 10 yr history here pulling at your heartstrings. But don't sacrifice your time energy and future for someone who won't give you the same in return.
UPDATE: He came over last night and we talked...now we are in a relationship 🙂
Um then March 17 he took it back and said he isn't ready and that he needs time. I said okay. March 22, he flew out to Miami with 3 female friends.
Not a good sign, if a man wants you he won’t let you get away. Or take the chance of losing you to someone else.
Did this help you understand your situation?
dxpnet has hosted real conversations like this since 2000. If you value independent communities, you can support the site below.
Every contribution helps keep dxpnet independent and ad-light.
Join the Conversation. Explore Yourself. Connect with Others.
Discover insights, swap stories, and find people. dxpnet is where experiences turn into understanding.
Create Your Free Account →
If a man needs time to decide if he wants to be in a relationship with you or not, is that a bad sign? That he is not ready to give you an answer yet?
-You know each other well
-Have been dating for a while now
-Have chemistry and hung out in person