Would You Go First? (Page 2)

Posted by Chuckcem

Posted by Virgorean

Posted by Chuckcem

Posted by Virgorean

Posted by Chuckcem
Would you ever (answer whichever questions you want):

1. Talk to guy who you are interested in first?

2. Ask a guy for his number first?

3. Call a guy first for a first date?

4. Go for the kiss on the first date?

5. Ask to be in a relationship first?

6. Have sex on the first date?

7. Propose first?

1. Have done

2. Have done

3. Semi did. Not call, but texted.

4. Have done. If I sense his nervousness I'll ease him into it.

5. Have done. Works out surprisingly well for the more reserved types.

6. Have done

7. Nope

I think this is an important point you've made, Works out surprisingly well for the more reserved types., though I'd also say more ambitious types resonate with this as well.

From experience, it gives them a shock factor being taken aback by it. The key being it happens in a natural state of progression. It cannot be forced out of fear. If it comes off desperate or not in sync then yes it is more likely to backfire.

Totally. I'm actually a more reserved type, though I have no problem initiating things. A woman though who has the confidence to lay out what she wants is SUPER attractive. I'm so used to making all of the decision, that it flips the script.

click to expand

I believe that's why it worked so well in my favor twice. I never came off as a pushy type. I let the state of affairs flow naturally. When the blending begins is the perfect time for either party to jump in the offense in my opinion. I feel patience plays a big role in that. Even for those who are impatient. It just means a woman has to find a man as impatient as her.

Posted by Chuckcem

Posted by CopperDove

Posted by Chuckcem

Posted by CopperDove
1. Talk to guy who you are interested in first? Yes

2. Ask a guy for his number first? Yes

3. Call a guy first for a first date? Yes

4. Go for the kiss on the first date? I would like to, but I haven't done it before

5. Ask to be in a relationship first? Not quite like that. I've sometimes asked men I've dated what they want if it isn't entirely clear to me, and we go from there (if what they want isn't what I want, I know to not pursue further). I've rarely needed to. I'm quite up front about what I want when first getting to know people.

6. Have sex on the first date? Only if I know the man for a while before that first date so I know that I like and trust him enough to do that.

7. Propose first? No, but I don't want to get married so I hope no man asks me that either. lol

Sounds like you're pretty comfortable in most situations.

Yes, or sometimes I'm nervous but I want whatever it is so much I don't let that stop me. 🙂

I'm really grateful for something that my grandfather said to me when I was a teenager and didn't have much experience with romantic relationships. I was confused about a guy I had a crush on. The guy had given many signs that he really liked me too, but something was still unclear to me about it because nothing was progressing.

When I told my grandfather about my confusion, he said, "Why don't you call him up and ask him."

At first I was surprised and I thought, "I can do that?"

Then a wonderful sense of realization and freedom came over me, and I thought the same thing again, only not as a question, it became an enthusiastic, "I can do that!"

So I called the guy, and we had a really good talk that helped a lot. 🙂

Smart man your grandfather. "Simplest way to get an answer is to ask." Also goes along with what I said before about a woman's attraction being one of the most powerful forces out there.

click to expand

For sure. 🙂 My grandfather was a Gemini with Virgo moon. He could be very good with communication.

Yes, it was a good early lesson in how important it is to just ask things when possible instead of worrying and wondering.

Posted by Chuckcem
Would you ever (answer whichever questions you want):

1. Talk to guy who you are interested in first?

2. Ask a guy for his number first?

3. Call a guy first for a first date?

4. Go for the kiss on the first date?

5. Ask to be in a relationship first?

6. Have sex on the first date?

7. Propose first?

1. Yes, had I not initiated interest with my Scorpio we wouldn't be together.

2. I don't ask guys for their number.

3. No he needs to initiate the first date.

4. If we've already agreed on a second date and the chemistry is there then I'll kiss but otherwise a hug is all he gets.

5. I don't talk about the relationship, where it's going and all that. If 2 months has passed and he hasn't made his desire known to be exclusive then I'll continue to explore my options.

6. No sex on the first date if I consider you a long-term prospect, if I just want to have fun then sure but he won't hear from me afterward.

7. Hell no!

7.

Posted by Chuckcem

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by Chuckcem
Interesting, seems like more women are good with doing most things first (#1,2,3,4,6), including sex on the first date. However when it comes to pushing for the relationship (#5) not so much. Why is that? (It's pretty obvious that #7 wouldn't be a favorite, but worth asking.)

Typically, women that ask for a relationship are immediately stereotyped as needy and clingy at best or manipulative and controlling at worst.

Men like to think it was their idea lol.

Thanks for your response. The funny thing is, I find that needy guys generally want the relationship to be their idea. They feel the need to lock the woman down into a relationship. Non-needy guys (specifically the ones who aren't players or jerks), don't care who brings up the relationship or would prefer the lady bring it up. These guys are more focused on building the rapport, creating fun memories, and setting up dates.

I get what you're saying though, women find that when they bring up a relationship, it's always a bit "too soon". No one wants too look clingy or needy. Yet, is it worth it?

I actually agree with @compy when she said The woman has the final call in a relationship anyway. I prefer to let things flow naturally. I feel by having the guy prompt the relationship, women are giving up that control. What if the guy is needy, clingy, or controlling? I realize in reality life isn't so cut and dry, especially when emotions are involved, which is also why I agree with ...So, it may be me, or him to step officially in. I prefer to let him do it.

click to expand

I don't agree because I think context is key and the desire of the man in question as everyone's love language is different so relationships will be approached differently. I initiated contact with my Scorpio via social media however he made sure he initiated us getting in a relationship because he felt that it was his responsibility given it was me that got the ball rolling and dumping the relationship initiation on me would come across as if he is expecting me to carry the relationship and he wanted to make certain that wasn't the case.

I personally feel guys who don't initiate the relationship are not 100% invested in the person because a guy is not going sit around and leave commitment up in the air with a woman he's very interested in if nothing else but the fear that another man might snag her and he'll loose out. Such guys usually have issues with commitment and rejection.

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by Chuckcem

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by Chuckcem
Interesting, seems like more women are good with doing most things first (#1,2,3,4,6), including sex on the first date. However when it comes to pushing for the relationship (#5) not so much. Why is that? (It's pretty obvious that #7 wouldn't be a favorite, but worth asking.)

Typically, women that ask for a relationship are immediately stereotyped as needy and clingy at best or manipulative and controlling at worst.

Men like to think it was their idea lol.

Thanks for your response. The funny thing is, I find that needy guys generally want the relationship to be their idea. They feel the need to lock the woman down into a relationship. Non-needy guys (specifically the ones who aren't players or jerks), don't care who brings up the relationship or would prefer the lady bring it up. These guys are more focused on building the rapport, creating fun memories, and setting up dates.

I get what you're saying though, women find that when they bring up a relationship, it's always a bit "too soon". No one wants too look clingy or needy. Yet, is it worth it?

I actually agree with @compy when she said The woman has the final call in a relationship anyway. I prefer to let things flow naturally. I feel by having the guy prompt the relationship, women are giving up that control. What if the guy is needy, clingy, or controlling? I realize in reality life isn't so cut and dry, especially when emotions are involved, which is also why I agree with ...So, it may be me, or him to step officially in. I prefer to let him do it.

You're probably right. The neediest men I met were the ones who accused me constantly of trying to trap them in a relationship when I'd be talking about something completely unrelated.

I find the word 'feelings' scares the shit out of people in general I've noticed, male or female. Everyone wants to love and be loved but a lot of people have problems exercising the honest vulnerability it takes to get there. I've witnessed the most cold and reserved men and women crumble when they receive a negative text from their S/O and be near tears over feeling so misunderstood. Then the next word out of their mouth is 'I'm going to ignore them/run away.' Lol.

Asking for a relationship is the ultimate expression of feelings a lot of times these days, sadly ha. Despite the fact most people won't admit it, it's a lot easier to be physically intimate than it is emotionally.

click to expand

A lot of people front like they're emotionally available when they're really not, that is the issue. Then they gravitate to people that are emotional available wanting that person to fill their emotional voids when no one can fix them but them. Now due to their issues, they're slowly eating away the emotional availability of the other person and the other person is confused thinking they are receiving "love" from them when the person is merely using their own love against them.

That's why it's important that when you realize you and another person are not on the same emotional wave length it's best to move on because in the end it'll more than likely not end up being worth all the trouble.

Posted by Cancer Lady

Posted by Chuckcem

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by Chuckcem
Interesting, seems like more women are good with doing most things first (#1,2,3,4,6), including sex on the first date. However when it comes to pushing for the relationship (#5) not so much. Why is that? (It's pretty obvious that #7 wouldn't be a favorite, but worth asking.)

Typically, women that ask for a relationship are immediately stereotyped as needy and clingy at best or manipulative and controlling at worst.

Men like to think it was their idea lol.

Thanks for your response. The funny thing is, I find that needy guys generally want the relationship to be their idea. They feel the need to lock the woman down into a relationship. Non-needy guys (specifically the ones who aren't players or jerks), don't care who brings up the relationship or would prefer the lady bring it up. These guys are more focused on building the rapport, creating fun memories, and setting up dates.

I get what you're saying though, women find that when they bring up a relationship, it's always a bit "too soon". No one wants too look clingy or needy. Yet, is it worth it?

I actually agree with @compy when she said The woman has the final call in a relationship anyway. I prefer to let things flow naturally. I feel by having the guy prompt the relationship, women are giving up that control. What if the guy is needy, clingy, or controlling? I realize in reality life isn't so cut and dry, especially when emotions are involved, which is also why I agree with ...So, it may be me, or him to step officially in. I prefer to let him do it.

I don't agree because I think context is key and the desire of the man in question as everyone's love language is different so relationships will be approached differently. I initiated contact with my Scorpio via social media however he made sure he initiated us getting in a relationship because he felt that it was his responsibility given it was me that got the ball rolling and dumping the relationship initiation on me would come across as if he is expecting me to carry the relationship and he wanted to make certain that wasn't the case.

I personally feel guys who don't initiate the relationship are not 100% invested in the person because a guy is not going sit around and leave commitment up in the air with a woman he's very interested in if nothing else but the fear that another man might snag her and he'll loose out. Such guys usually have issues with commitment and rejection.

click to expand

That actually makes sense in your scenario. If you were the one initiating most of the relationship, then there needs to be a balance. Generally speaking it's the man who is usually initiating courtship in that way (approaching the woman, getting her contact information, setting up dates, building attraction, etc).

As I mentioned before, it's entirely plausible for a man to bring up the relationship first, but I've found it's best when the woman is already open to it. Otherwise the woman may wind up in a situation where the guy likes her, more than she likes him.

I personally feel guys who don't initiate the relationship are not 100% invested in the person because a guy is not going sit around and leave commitment up in the air with a woman he's very interested in if nothing else but the fear that another man might snag her and he'll loose out.

Good point, but how do you know that a guy isn't needy or controlling then? There are a lot of guys who are very willing to lock a woman down to a commitment just to HAVE her. A lot of guys want to be with a woman because it makes them feel accomplished, not because they appreciate who she really is as a person.

Also, this sentiment seems odd to me because I wouldn't think that a woman would want a man to commit to her out of fear. I would think a woman would want a man to commit because he is crazy about her. A man's fear would imply that he doesn't trust the woman to not jump into the arms of another man. She is after all a person with a mind of her own, so why should he fear that she'll suddenly be with another person? A man with that type of fear probably doesn't feel confident in himself or the bond he has with that woman. In which case why would a woman want to be in a relationship with a paranoid, unconfident guy?

Let's also pretend that a man knows there is another guy in the picture. In which case I'd argue that if a woman is deciding between two guys and both are at equal levels in her mind, she probably isn't ready to commit to that guy anyway. Him bringing up a relationship won't suddenly make her want to commit if her feelings aren't there. Usually people bring up relationship when there are ready to commit.

From my own experience, I have never feared losing a woman to another guy because I'm more focused on raising her attraction level. I want her to be head over heels for me first. If she's head over heels, she's not going to look for another guy. I'm also looking for a woman who values loyalty and is a good communicator. As a result I actually strive to weed out impatient women who would jump into the arms of another man at a moment's notice. If her focus is rushing into a relationship instead of forming a quality bond with me based on trust, then me asking for a relationship seems moot.

Think about the men you've really loved in the past (the one you may even think about to this day). If you were truly infatuated with a man, would he need to fear losing you to another guy all of a sudden? OR would it be more likely that you'd bring up the commitment conversation first before looking into other options? Communication is key in any relationship. So if there was a concern about commitment, I'd imagine you'd want to communicate your needs first before bailing or searching for other options.

Posted by Cancer Lady

Posted by Chuckcem
Would you ever (answer whichever questions you want):

1. Talk to guy who you are interested in first?

2. Ask a guy for his number first?

3. Call a guy first for a first date?

4. Go for the kiss on the first date?

5. Ask to be in a relationship first?

6. Have sex on the first date?

7. Propose first?

1. Yes, had I not initiated interest with my Scorpio we wouldn't be together.

2. I don't ask guys for their number.

3. No he needs to initiate the first date.

4. If we've already agreed on a second date and the chemistry is there then I'll kiss but otherwise a hug is all he gets.

5. I don't talk about the relationship, where it's going and all that. If 2 months has passed and he hasn't made his desire known to be exclusive then I'll continue to explore my options.

6. No sex on the first date if I consider you a long-term prospect, if I just want to have fun then sure but he won't hear from me afterward.

7. Hell no!

7.

click to expand

Generally it takes 3 months for people to start getting accustomed to one another and start dropping their facades (since it typically takes 90 days for the brain to change a routine/habit). 2 months seems like a short amount of time to want exclusivity.

Posted by Gob_Shite
From a (non-US) man's perspective:

1. Talk to guy who you are interested in first?

In the past, some have. However, more often than not, the hints have been too subtle to pick up on. That usually leads to a conundrum. Is she just being friendly? Will I be abusing her potential offer of friendship by wanting something more? Sometimes, it can be a real dilemma. Many women need to remember that their cues are often too ambivalent for most men.

2. Ask a guy for his number first?

That rarely happens. However, it's become increasingly common for women to collect numbers as an ego boost, when it's offered. I've experienced many cases where the woman either avoids answering or replying or, after a few non-insightful text exchanges, inexplicably loses interest (I call it 'the fickle bitch syndrome').

3. Call a guy first for a first date?

Unless the woman is the aggressive type or a Scorpio, that's extremely rare.

4. Go for the kiss on the first date?

In such a situation, the woman's expected role is to give physical cues and for the man to respond (i.e. by closing in for that first kiss).

5. Ask to be in a relationship first?

I can't relate to that. IMHO, If you're dating someone, you're already spoken for.

6. Have sex on the first date?

It really depends on the woman but I've experienced it a few times. I wouldn't think less of a woman if she wanted to do so - life's too short. The most important thing is that she's honest about her intentions (i.e. one-night, stand, fling or the start of something more substantial?).

7. Propose first?

Tradition disallows it. Plain and simple.

Good points, I'll answer from a guy's POV as well.

1. Talk to guy who you are interested in first?

Yep, women will come up and talk to me often on their own. That's not to say that I won't talk to them first though. I generally initiate the conversation first.

2. Ask a guy for his number first?

Yes women have done this with me. I usually take it upon myself to get the number, but there are times when women have beaten me to the punch. I've had a few demand that I take their numbers.

3. Call a guy first for a first date?

This has happened a couple of times. I'm usually the one calling for the first date though. I honestly believe it's the man's job to initiate the courtship

4. Go for the kiss on the first date?

I've always initiated the first kiss. It's either on the first or second date depending on the circumstances. If the rapport is solid, I'm usually shooting for a first date kiss though. I want to know that the woman is actually romantically interested in me and is confident in her own skin. I'm also a risk taker and rule breaker, so I appreciate a woman who can break societal expectations as well.

5. Ask to be in a relationship first?

I've done this before as well, but I also had women mention the relationship first. Either way there was never a rejection from either side. I usually wait for a woman to start hinting at a commitment first.

6. Have sex on the first date?

It's happened, if there is a strong rapport and a history between the two of us, I don't see the reason to hold back. If she's a complete stranger though, I'll wait a bit.

7. Propose first?

Haven't gotten there yet, but I'd plan on doing it.

Posted by Blue_Froggie

Posted by Chuckcem
Would you ever (answer whichever questions you want):

1. Talk to guy who you are interested in first?

2. Ask a guy for his number first?

3. Call a guy first for a first date?

4. Go for the kiss on the first date?

5. Ask to be in a relationship first?

6. Have sex on the first date?

7. Propose first?

1.No

2.No

3.No

4.No

5.No

6.No

7.No

😭

click to expand

Why the sad face?

Posted by Chuckcem

Posted by Walkergrl
1. Talk to guy who you are interested in first? Yes

2. Ask a guy for his number first? No

3. Call a guy first for a first date? No

4. Go for the kiss on the first date? Yes

5. Ask to be in a relationship first? No, but discussed monogamy first

6. Have sex on the first date? Yes but not usually, unless that's what I'm out looking for

7. Propose first? No

That's an interesting approach to #5. It lays the groundwork early, so things can unfurl naturally. I'd say talking about monogamy first generally shows serious intent on your end. At that point it basically puts the ball in the guy's court.

click to expand

Since I've started dating again in the last 2 years... I've of course noticed how often guys are just looking to hook up, so I started putting it out there that I'm looking for more and of course how important monogamy is to me. I put all of that out there when I met the Scorp. He implied that he was looking for the same. Obviously not. Shady m'fer.

Posted by Chuckcem

Posted by notsosure

Posted by narayana

Posted by Chuckcem

Posted by narayana

Posted by Chuckcem
Would you ever (answer whichever questions you want):

1. Talk to guy who you are interested in first?

2. Ask a guy for his number first?

3. Call a guy first for a first date?

4. Go for the kiss on the first date?

5. Ask to be in a relationship first?

6. Have sex on the first date?

7. Propose first?

1. yes

2. no

3. no

4. yes

5. maybe, but I'd rather not

6. maybe

7. no

Why would you rather not #5?

I did once. Well, more like I asked where we stand and he told me he only wants sex. I was hurt and now I'm scared to go first ever again.

Exactly.

All times I have initiated anything like this, the answer has been 'not ready/not looking for at relationship'

If a guy doesn't initiate 99% of the times he just wants sex and cuddles and not to be tied down.

This also happens to guys as well. It's all about pacing. Asking too soon could definitely lead to rejection. Also not qualifying the other person ahead of time can too.

click to expand

What are the steps that you would take to "qualify" a person?

Posted by Cancer Lady

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by Chuckcem

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by Chuckcem
Interesting, seems like more women are good with doing most things first (#1,2,3,4,6), including sex on the first date. However when it comes to pushing for the relationship (#5) not so much. Why is that? (It's pretty obvious that #7 wouldn't be a favorite, but worth asking.)

Typically, women that ask for a relationship are immediately stereotyped as needy and clingy at best or manipulative and controlling at worst.

Men like to think it was their idea lol.

Thanks for your response. The funny thing is, I find that needy guys generally want the relationship to be their idea. They feel the need to lock the woman down into a relationship. Non-needy guys (specifically the ones who aren't players or jerks), don't care who brings up the relationship or would prefer the lady bring it up. These guys are more focused on building the rapport, creating fun memories, and setting up dates.

I get what you're saying though, women find that when they bring up a relationship, it's always a bit "too soon". No one wants too look clingy or needy. Yet, is it worth it?

I actually agree with @compy when she said The woman has the final call in a relationship anyway. I prefer to let things flow naturally. I feel by having the guy prompt the relationship, women are giving up that control. What if the guy is needy, clingy, or controlling? I realize in reality life isn't so cut and dry, especially when emotions are involved, which is also why I agree with ...So, it may be me, or him to step officially in. I prefer to let him do it.

You're probably right. The neediest men I met were the ones who accused me constantly of trying to trap them in a relationship when I'd be talking about something completely unrelated.

I find the word 'feelings' scares the shit out of people in general I've noticed, male or female. Everyone wants to love and be loved but a lot of people have problems exercising the honest vulnerability it takes to get there. I've witnessed the most cold and reserved men and women crumble when they receive a negative text from their S/O and be near tears over feeling so misunderstood. Then the next word out of their mouth is 'I'm going to ignore them/run away.' Lol.

Asking for a relationship is the ultimate expression of feelings a lot of times these days, sadly ha. Despite the fact most people won't admit it, it's a lot easier to be physically intimate than it is emotionally.

A lot of people front like they're emotionally available when they're really not, that is the issue. Then they gravitate to people that are emotional available wanting that person to fill their emotional voids when no one can fix them but them. Now due to their issues, they're slowly eating away the emotional availability of the other person and the other person is confused thinking they are receiving "love" from them when the person is merely using their own love against them.

That's why it's important that when you realize you and another person are not on the same emotional wave length it's best to move on because in the end it'll more than likely not end up being worth all the trouble.

click to expand

OMG! Spot on!!! Hard lesson for me.

Posted by Walkergrl

Posted by Chuckcem

Posted by notsosure

Posted by narayana

Posted by Chuckcem

Posted by narayana

Posted by Chuckcem
Would you ever (answer whichever questions you want):

1. Talk to guy who you are interested in first?

2. Ask a guy for his number first?

3. Call a guy first for a first date?

4. Go for the kiss on the first date?

5. Ask to be in a relationship first?

6. Have sex on the first date?

7. Propose first?

1. yes

2. no

3. no

4. yes

5. maybe, but I'd rather not

6. maybe

7. no

Why would you rather not #5?

I did once. Well, more like I asked where we stand and he told me he only wants sex. I was hurt and now I'm scared to go first ever again.

Exactly.

All times I have initiated anything like this, the answer has been 'not ready/not looking for at relationship'

If a guy doesn't initiate 99% of the times he just wants sex and cuddles and not to be tied down.

This also happens to guys as well. It's all about pacing. Asking too soon could definitely lead to rejection. Also not qualifying the other person ahead of time can too.

What are the steps that you would take to "qualify" a person?

click to expand

It's best to take one's time and check for common interest, shared life goals, family life experiences. Usually I find that taking time and making the other guy wait a bit is best. One thing I've also noticed is that a lot of women let guys get away with not taking them out on dates. Making sure the guy is holding up his end of the bargain is huge.

Posted by Chuckcem

Posted by compy
Like I said, I prefer a period of study first. I am interested only on something for the veeeeery long run, not adventures. I had my share of short relationships when I was young, so I can say I have all the necessary experience at this age. When the time comes, and if both of us are sure this is what we want for the future, someone will make that step forward. Timing is the key, if one of us is not ready, everything is destroyed. So, it may be me, or him to step officially in. I prefer to let him do it.

Now you will ask me how I can possibly know. For some people, you simply have to prepare them to commit 🙂

The most difficult partners are the avoidant ones. Luckily, they are rare and they can be modelled and changed by a secure person that makes them feel safe and at ease with themselves and with the idea of a relationship. When he starts making real plans with you and making them happen, this is enough commitment for now.

Interesting, I actually didn't have a follow up question, I was just curious. I am intrigued by what you said here though:

The most difficult partners are the avoidant ones. Luckily, they are rare and they can be modelled and changed by a secure person that makes them feel safe and at ease with themselves and with the idea of a relationship

I find that attachment style s aren't usually discussed here. From my understanding it's easier for anxious people to change by being around secure people, but harder for avoidant people to do so (without a 3rd party such as therapy). You feel that an avoidant person will feel more at ease around a secure person over time?

click to expand

Define "avoidant people".

Aries rising here ~ always goes first 😛

Would never propose to anyone, i have experienced the *sanctity* of prison, i mean marriage and try to avoid the first night sex thing

Posted by Walkergrl

Posted by Chuckcem

Posted by compy
Like I said, I prefer a period of study first. I am interested only on something for the veeeeery long run, not adventures. I had my share of short relationships when I was young, so I can say I have all the necessary experience at this age. When the time comes, and if both of us are sure this is what we want for the future, someone will make that step forward. Timing is the key, if one of us is not ready, everything is destroyed. So, it may be me, or him to step officially in. I prefer to let him do it.

Now you will ask me how I can possibly know. For some people, you simply have to prepare them to commit 🙂

The most difficult partners are the avoidant ones. Luckily, they are rare and they can be modelled and changed by a secure person that makes them feel safe and at ease with themselves and with the idea of a relationship. When he starts making real plans with you and making them happen, this is enough commitment for now.

Interesting, I actually didn't have a follow up question, I was just curious. I am intrigued by what you said here though:

The most difficult partners are the avoidant ones. Luckily, they are rare and they can be modelled and changed by a secure person that makes them feel safe and at ease with themselves and with the idea of a relationship

I find that attachment style s aren't usually discussed here. From my understanding it's easier for anxious people to change by being around secure people, but harder for avoidant people to do so (without a 3rd party such as therapy). You feel that an avoidant person will feel more at ease around a secure person over time?

Define "avoidant people".

click to expand

Avoidant, as in the avoidant attachment style . People who are avoidant generally grow up with little to no emotional validation from their parents or caregiver. In fact they are often given negative reinforcement instead. This teaches the person from an early age to rely on themselves by avoiding their caregiver. Avoidant people often are put in positions where they raise themselves. As a result these people have a harder time forming strong emotional bonds with other people. They've learned to distrust the dependability of others and typically push people away..

Avoidant people generally seek out people with an anxious attachment style s. These relationships coincide with the belief that people are needy and therefore disposable. Avoidant people have a harder time though being in relationships with secure people who have healthy relationships with their caregivers.

1. If I really really like him then no. If I don't like him SO much - yes

2. No

3. No

4. No

5. No

6. No

7. No

Posted by Chuckcem

Posted by Walkergrl

Posted by Chuckcem

Posted by compy
Like I said, I prefer a period of study first. I am interested only on something for the veeeeery long run, not adventures. I had my share of short relationships when I was young, so I can say I have all the necessary experience at this age. When the time comes, and if both of us are sure this is what we want for the future, someone will make that step forward. Timing is the key, if one of us is not ready, everything is destroyed. So, it may be me, or him to step officially in. I prefer to let him do it.

Now you will ask me how I can possibly know. For some people, you simply have to prepare them to commit 🙂

The most difficult partners are the avoidant ones. Luckily, they are rare and they can be modelled and changed by a secure person that makes them feel safe and at ease with themselves and with the idea of a relationship. When he starts making real plans with you and making them happen, this is enough commitment for now.

Interesting, I actually didn't have a follow up question, I was just curious. I am intrigued by what you said here though:

The most difficult partners are the avoidant ones. Luckily, they are rare and they can be modelled and changed by a secure person that makes them feel safe and at ease with themselves and with the idea of a relationship

I find that attachment style s aren't usually discussed here. From my understanding it's easier for anxious people to change by being around secure people, but harder for avoidant people to do so (without a 3rd party such as therapy). You feel that an avoidant person will feel more at ease around a secure person over time?

Define "avoidant people".

Avoidant, as in the avoidant attachment style . People who are avoidant generally grow up with little to no emotional validation from their parents or caregiver. In fact they are often given negative reinforcement instead. This teaches the person from an early age to rely on themselves by avoiding their caregiver. Avoidant people often are put in positions where they raise themselves. As a result these people have a harder time forming strong emotional bonds with other people. They've learned to distrust the dependability of others and typically push people away..

Avoidant people generally seek out people with an anxious attachment style s. These relationships coincide with the belief that people are needy and therefore disposable. Avoidant people have a harder time though being in relationships with secure people who have healthy relationships with their caregivers.

click to expand

Thank you. Sounds very much like the Scorp.

Posted by Chuckcem
Would you ever (answer whichever questions you want):

1. Talk to guy who you are interested in first?

2. Ask a guy for his number first?

3. Call a guy first for a first date?

4. Go for the kiss on the first date?

5. Ask to be in a relationship first?

6. Have sex on the first date?

7. Propose first?

1. Yes. Aries Mars for the win!

2. Depends on the circumstances of meeting. I have before.

3. No, this one I think the guy should initiate.

4. Yes.

5. No. I may approach the subject but again, I think the guy should initiate this as well.

6. Yes.

7. NEVER!

Posted by shakedown
1. Yes

No to the rest.

Good post Chuckcem.

Thanks!