Ladies: Would you...

Allow your Hubby/BF/SO ex girlfriend to sleep over at your house for one night because she is going through a rough time?

- Also, her and your hubby broke up years ago, but they remained good friends...

Yes or No?? & Why??

Thoughts!!!

Yes. If I was there.

Posted by DeeLovesRed
Allow your Hubby/BF/SO ex girlfriend to sleep over at your house for one night because she is going through a rough time?

- Also, her and your hubby broke up years ago, but they remained good friends...

Thoughts!!!

Sure.

I'll set up the guest room for her. Set up the guest bathroom. Set up her kitchenette - basically, in this scenario, I own a house with a west wing.

Posted by heliumfiasco
Yes. If I was there.

Why?

Forgot to put "why" in the original post...

Posted by LillyPetal

Posted by DeeLovesRed
Allow your Hubby/BF/SO ex girlfriend to sleep over at your house for one night because she is going through a rough time?

- Also, her and your hubby broke up years ago, but they remained good friends...

Thoughts!!!

Sure.

I'll set up the guest room for her. Set up the guest bathroom. Set up her kitchenette - basically, in this scenario, I own a house with a west wing.

click to expand

Ok, why?

Forgot to put "why" in the post

I see nothing wrong with that. My daughters dad has always stayed at my house (with my man at the times consent) when he's come to town. It's about maturity. If there is no reason to distrust, it's obviously not sneaky...

I don't think anyone is immature for not wanting an ex to stay with them. I meant it can only happen if everyone is behaving maturely. I think each situation/ relationship dynamic is different.

Posted by Noni05
Nope ! Bad idea ? he wouldn't let my ex stay over either

Let's say he would allow your ex to stay over, would you then let his ex stay over?

Is this for like a few days?

Posted by Plague
No. She/He needs to find another shoulder to cry on rough time or not. Doesn't make you immature for thinking so.

Ok, so Why?

Do you think she'll always ask for favors following this one—

& by the way ladies, I will not allow it... only because our house is our safe haven... and I'm really big on energies!!! So, I don't even let certain family members in my house... I like to keep my house very positive...

So, it wouldn't be because of distrust or immaturity.. just I don't let everyone in my house... Now I will try to help her, I'll try to see if there's hotels available... Also, I might try to see if she could get in a shelter...

Posted by heliumfiasco
Is this for like a few days?

She didn't say, but let's make it interesting let's say it was for a few days... Would your view change?

Posted by DeeLovesRed
Allow your Hubby/BF/SO ex girlfriend to sleep over at your house for one night because she is going through a rough time?

- Also, her and your hubby broke up years ago, but they remained good friends...

Yes or No?? & Why??

Thoughts!!!

Is she an orphan?

Or have no money for hotel because...(she is a bum)

Why?

Is your ex the only one on Earth who she knows who has a roof above his head?

Yes., it would.

A weekend? No worries. Month? No. I think dynamics can change and familiarity can bring up weird emotions. I would feel uncomfortable. A weekend? I'll make dinner, pour wine, relax. No biggie.

Posted by DeeLovesRed
Allow your Hubby/BF/SO ex girlfriend to sleep over at your house for one night because she is going through a rough time?

- Also, her and your hubby broke up years ago, but they remained good friends...

Yes or No?? & Why??

Thoughts!!!

ya ... i'd liike to think i would be okay with it, but naw.

i'd help find a decent cheap hotel for her to stay at thou.

why not? it's opening a door that doesn't need to be opened.

if it was an absolute emergency i might consider it.. like their life was in danger or something.

I'm weird though. After having a child and dating people with children I've been exposed to all kinds of "ex scenarios". I like meeting them. It gives great insight.

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by DeeLovesRed
Allow your Hubby/BF/SO ex girlfriend to sleep over at your house for one night because she is going through a rough time?

- Also, her and your hubby broke up years ago, but they remained good friends...

Yes or No?? & Why??

Thoughts!!!

Is she an orphan?

Or have no money for hotel because...(she is a bum)

Why?

Is your ex the only one on Earth who she knows who has a roof above his head?

click to expand

In the video she didn't disclose all the ex gf business, but she did mention how she's going through a rough time... So I'm guessing she's out of money, but I would've helped her look for a shelter...

Posted by heliumfiasco
I'm weird though. After having a child and dating people with children I've been exposed to all kinds of "ex scenarios". I like meeting them. It gives great insight.

No, I like your thinking.... your not weird...

I love to see different perspectives that's why I asked the question...

Even though you and I have different answers... still cool to see your outlook...

Posted by DeeLovesRed

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by DeeLovesRed
Allow your Hubby/BF/SO ex girlfriend to sleep over at your house for one night because she is going through a rough time?

- Also, her and your hubby broke up years ago, but they remained good friends...

Yes or No?? & Why??

Thoughts!!!

Is she an orphan?

Or have no money for hotel because...(she is a bum)

Why?

Is your ex the only one on Earth who she knows who has a roof above his head?

In the video she didn't disclose all the ex gf business, but she did mention how she's going through a rough time... So I'm guessing she's out of money, but I would've helped her look for a shelter...

click to expand

Good idea. Don't let her I'm. Pay her to stay out or play 'possum...

@Lunabee

Can't see your comment, it's blank

Nope. He can book her a room at the motel if she's that hard up.

Posted by LadyNeptune
Nope. He can book her a room at the motel if she's that hard up.

I said that already!

Plagiatress!

Posted by Infinite8
Yes... I've done it already, actually. My Cancer husband is still friends with his ex. I met her at a dinner, the first year I was with my husband (boyfriend at the time) and he had invited all his friends for me to meet (it was in France).

I honestly loved her as soon as I met her. She is a total sweetheart. She is a Pisces.

Anyway, I few years later... she was studying in the states and was taking a road trip in CA with her best friend (a Scorpio)... and I invited both of them to stay at our house for the weekend.

We all had a great time!

She is not a flirt and my husband has great boundaries. I've NEVER felt weird vibes coming from either one of them. So, all that helped, of course!

See she had a friend with her and you initiated it.. but what if she didn't have her friend and she reached out first?

Btw, it was good that you all got to "hang" with each other BEFORE she came by your house...

You guys built trust from Day One..

Posted by DeeLovesRed

Posted by LillyPetal

Posted by DeeLovesRed
Allow your Hubby/BF/SO ex girlfriend to sleep over at your house for one night because she is going through a rough time?

- Also, her and your hubby broke up years ago, but they remained good friends...

Thoughts!!!

Sure.

I'll set up the guest room for her. Set up the guest bathroom. Set up her kitchenette - basically, in this scenario, I own a house with a west wing.

Ok, why?

Forgot to put "why" in the post

click to expand

Because she's a human being in need. She's not the devil - she's a person that contributed to the fabric of the man I am in love with. And if my Sea-Goat remained good friends with her for years, she must be a fu cking awesome person.

Posted by Distilled

Posted by LillyPetal

Posted by DeeLovesRed
Allow your Hubby/BF/SO ex girlfriend to sleep over at your house for one night because she is going through a rough time?

- Also, her and your hubby broke up years ago, but they remained good friends...

Thoughts!!!

Sure.

I'll set up the guest room for her. Set up the guest bathroom. Set up her kitchenette - basically, in this scenario, I own a house with a west wing.

West wing- I'm dyin.

The indignity for the ex though if they take up this offer!

click to expand

Yeah, I'm assuming she is seriously desperate and in need of help. And since I own such a big house...

Hell no

Posted by Plague

Posted by DeeLovesRed

Posted by Plague
No. She/He needs to find another shoulder to cry on rough time or not. Doesn't make you immature for thinking so.

Ok, so Why?

Do you think she'll always ask for favors following this one—

& by the way ladies, I will not allow it... only because our house is our safe haven... and I'm really big on energies!!! So, I don't even let certain family members in my house... I like to keep my house very positive...

So, it wouldn't be because of distrust or immaturity.. just I don't let everyone in my house... Now I will try to help her, I'll try to see if there's hotels available... Also, I might try to see if she could get in a shelter...

One thing I feel is that it is an off putting idea that someone would specifically go to a past relationship for some emotional coddling knowing that person is in a relationship. When they could go to anyone else for support but they choose to immerse themselves yet again back into so and so's life. Sure you can be friends with your ex but out of all people he/she chooses the person they once had something with. Nah that's what your homies are for not your sloppy seconds.

Follows with what @xXxQueenliciaxXx said she pretty much hit one of the nails on the head when it came to my thoughts on this.

click to expand

Meh

It's one night. And the OP said they had YEARS of friendship so that means, in this hypothetical, I was cool with my man being friends with his ex.

nope. She doesn't have any friends or family she can stay with ?

Posted by Arielle83
No because she sounds needy and annoying.

Go stay at a gfs house.

Plus she'll bring her drama to your house.

Listen to her crying in the middle of the night. Your husband consoling her like she's a weak little crybaby.

You want sex, but you hear this weirdo whimpering about her relationship and how much she needs sex.

Then your husband tries to get you to take her out in your spare time.

She'll become a focus in the house.

Just yuck.

That's exactly why I said I wouldn't allow it.. the energy in my house has to stay one way.. I don't want no one coming and disrupting that!!

If shes coming off the pipe and we're giving her

a ride to rehab the next day, sure.

Otherwise, I'll be happy to put her in a hotel.

😐

It really depends on the person.

Posted by Infinite8

Posted by DeeLovesRed

Posted by Infinite8
Yes... I've done it already, actually. My Cancer husband is still friends with his ex. I met her at a dinner, the first year I was with my husband (boyfriend at the time) and he had invited all his friends for me to meet (it was in France).

I honestly loved her as soon as I met her. She is a total sweetheart. She is a Pisces.

Anyway, I few years later... she was studying in the states and was taking a road trip in CA with her best friend (a Scorpio)... and I invited both of them to stay at our house for the weekend.

We all had a great time!

She is not a flirt and my husband has great boundaries. I've NEVER felt weird vibes coming from either one of them. So, all that helped, of course!

See she had a friend with her and you initiated it.. but what if she didn't have her friend and she reached out first?

Btw, it was good that you all got to "hang" with each other BEFORE she came by your house...

You guys built trust from Day One..

Hmmm.... that's interesting. To me, the friend coming with her was not the deciding factor. I would have reacted the same had it only been her. If she would have initiated, I know for a fact that my husband would have made me the one making the final decision. To him, my comfort comes first.... and me knowing that, relaxes me. The bond I have with him has made my jealousy almost non-existent.

She is also a very respectful person... and that has helped me also become more inviting towards her.

click to expand

Wow, it's crazy because you mentioned your hubby is a Cancer. The video I attached to this thread, her husband is a Cancer and she's a Gemini..

Posted by Harukka

This remind me of something, Ah it was really really bad.

What??

@CopperDove @Teena what's y'all take on this subject??

I live alone even when I'm in a romantic relationship (one exception aside), so she'd be staying with just me I guess. As long as I felt sure that she was a decent person who wouldn't cause problems for me (she won't get drunk, for example, or do anything else that might cause her behaviour to be unmanageable), sure. If my partner was there too, sure.

I'm good friends with one of my exes and he visits me once a year and it's platonic and always will be. People I've dated who have met him like him and quickly can tell he's trustworthy.

Posted by Plague

Posted by LillyPetal

Posted by Plague

Posted by DeeLovesRed

Posted by Plague
No. She/He needs to find another shoulder to cry on rough time or not. Doesn't make you immature for thinking so.

Ok, so Why?

Do you think she'll always ask for favors following this one—

& by the way ladies, I will not allow it... only because our house is our safe haven... and I'm really big on energies!!! So, I don't even let certain family members in my house... I like to keep my house very positive...

So, it wouldn't be because of distrust or immaturity.. just I don't let everyone in my house... Now I will try to help her, I'll try to see if there's hotels available... Also, I might try to see if she could get in a shelter...

One thing I feel is that it is an off putting idea that someone would specifically go to a past relationship for some emotional coddling knowing that person is in a relationship. When they could go to anyone else for support but they choose to immerse themselves yet again back into so and so's life. Sure you can be friends with your ex but out of all people he/she chooses the person they once had something with. Nah that's what your homies are for not your sloppy seconds.

Follows with what @xXxQueenliciaxXx said she pretty much hit one of the nails on the head when it came to my thoughts on this.

Meh

It's one night. And the OP said they had YEARS of friendship so that means, in this hypothetical, I was cool with my man being friends with his ex.

Okay that's you, not me.

click to expand

Precisely

Haha! Nah. I learn from the past 😄 no need for that. He wouldn't allow it either. I work for a guy I dated years back and its actually causing me enough issues.

The father of my boys I would yes. Other ex's I don't think I would.

No, that's weird.

The answer is No...

I'm wondering why the ex girlfriend is still in the picture, do they have children together? If not you can be gracious and try to find hotel or shelter but why she is still in the picture?

Posted by DeeLovesRed
@CopperDove @Teena what's y'all take on this subject??

Ok my answer is gonna be super hypothetical.

For now, the thing I dread the most is my SO still being in love with his ex. Idc if the guy has been in multiple relationships n affairs before me.. but the thought of him being in love with an ex is something I can't entertain even for a second. He can respect her, admire her yada yada..but nothing would hurt me more if I know he still has feelings for her( I can really excuse him cheating on me with someone else over this tbh).

And coming to the question, it really totally depends on my guy. I think I'd get into a relationship with him only if I can trust him with something like the given situation. Because as I said, it's a pretty huge thing for me.Idc how the girl is.The only thing I'd see is she needs help n she'll get it..my place or not.But because my guy is all super gentleman n passed all my tests even before getting into the relationship(say like @infinite8 's guy), yes I'd allow her to stay at my place. This is also another way of showing him how much I trust him n I'll make sure to let him know/remind him that.

Posted by LadyPootsAlot

Posted by Teena

Posted by DeeLovesRed
@CopperDove @Teena what's y'all take on this subject??

Ok my answer is gonna be super hypothetical.

For now, the thing I dread the most is my SO still being in love with his ex. Idc if the guy has been in multiple relationships n affairs before me.. but the thought of him being in love with an ex is something I can't entertain even for a second. He can respect her, admire her yada yada..but nothing would hurt me more if I know he still has feelings for her( I can really excuse him cheating on me with someone else over this tbh).

And coming to the question, it really totally depends on my guy. I think I'd get into a relationship with him only if I can trust him with something like the given situation. Because as I said, it's a pretty huge thing for me.Idc how the girl is.The only thing I'd see is she needs help n she'll get it..my place or not.But because my guy is all super gentleman n passed all my tests even before getting into the relationship(say like @infinite8 's guy), yes I'd allow her to stay at my place. This is also another way of showing him how much I trust him n I'll make sure to let him know/remind him that.

This is it. I'm jealous, if I am not reassured that I have nothing to worry about and then shown that through behavior. I can't be in a relationship with someone who makes me jealous. I'd rather be alone. Once I trust, I trust. No questions or concerns. Unless, of course, something about the energy changes. I can feel that too.

So, exes are no threat, regardless of their feelings.

click to expand

Exactly!! You were able to tell that in a few words. I just had to use many ?

Posted by LadyPootsAlot

Posted by Teena

Posted by LadyPootsAlot

Posted by Teena

Posted by DeeLovesRed
@CopperDove @Teena what's y'all take on this subject??

Ok my answer is gonna be super hypothetical.

For now, the thing I dread the most is my SO still being in love with his ex. Idc if the guy has been in multiple relationships n affairs before me.. but the thought of him being in love with an ex is something I can't entertain even for a second. He can respect her, admire her yada yada..but nothing would hurt me more if I know he still has feelings for her( I can really excuse him cheating on me with someone else over this tbh).

And coming to the question, it really totally depends on my guy. I think I'd get into a relationship with him only if I can trust him with something like the given situation. Because as I said, it's a pretty huge thing for me.Idc how the girl is.The only thing I'd see is she needs help n she'll get it..my place or not.But because my guy is all super gentleman n passed all my tests even before getting into the relationship(say like @infinite8 's guy), yes I'd allow her to stay at my place. This is also another way of showing him how much I trust him n I'll make sure to let him know/remind him that.

This is it. I'm jealous, if I am not reassured that I have nothing to worry about and then shown that through behavior. I can't be in a relationship with someone who makes me jealous. I'd rather be alone. Once I trust, I trust. No questions or concerns. Unless, of course, something about the energy changes. I can feel that too.

So, exes are no threat, regardless of their feelings.

Exactly!! You were able to tell that in a few words. I just had to use many ?

LOL

It was your many words that made me understand my own answer. 🙂

click to expand

Haha.That makes me feel better 🤗

Posted by DeeLovesRed
Allow your Hubby/BF/SO ex girlfriend to sleep over at your house for one night because she is going through a rough time?

- Also, her and your hubby broke up years ago, but they remained good friends...

Yes or No?? & Why??

Thoughts!!!

Hell no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

🤗 cyber hugs!

Love,

Eva

Posted by Harukka

Posted by DeeLovesRed

Posted by Harukka

This remind me of something, Ah it was really really bad.

What??

There is a woman who came to her sister's house, then when the big sister notice that her husband have something for the younger, she ask her to leave "in a bad way"

click to expand

——.... but sister is different from an ex... maybe the HUSBAND needed to leave... ?? not sister.. hmmm

Posted by EvatheDiva

Posted by DeeLovesRed
Allow your Hubby/BF/SO ex girlfriend to sleep over at your house for one night because she is going through a rough time?

- Also, her and your hubby broke up years ago, but they remained good friends...

Yes or No?? & Why??

Thoughts!!!

Hell no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

🤗 cyber hugs!

Love,

Eva

click to expand

Why— —

Posted by whatisthisallabout
No, that's weird.

How? And Why?

Posted by Librajean
The answer is No...

I'm wondering why the ex girlfriend is still in the picture, do they have children together? If not you can be gracious and try to find hotel or shelter but why she is still in the picture?

No they do not have children together, in the video.. the wife and husband have multiple children together...

Posted by DeeLovesRed

Posted by EvatheDiva

Posted by DeeLovesRed
Allow your Hubby/BF/SO ex girlfriend to sleep over at your house for one night because she is going through a rough time?

- Also, her and your hubby broke up years ago, but they remained good friends...

Yes or No?? & Why??

Thoughts!!!

Hell no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

🤗 cyber hugs!

Love,

Eva

Why— —

click to expand

Sorry, forgot to answer 2nd part. Because I do not allow strangers in my house; don't care if he was my So's ex girlfriend. There's only ONE Queen in this house! I do NOT like distraction, scheduling my time around ANYONE, esp ex-gf of my hubby 🍹

🤗 cyber hugs!

Love,

Eva

PS: I answer honestly here, as I'm a divorcee.

Posted by exo
nah, that's just inappropriate and disrespectful.

unless i can poison her pancakes in the morn.

——?? Oh no....

But, why do you feel it's disrespectful?

Elaborate

Posted by EvatheDiva

Posted by DeeLovesRed

Posted by EvatheDiva

Posted by DeeLovesRed
Allow your Hubby/BF/SO ex girlfriend to sleep over at your house for one night because she is going through a rough time?

- Also, her and your hubby broke up years ago, but they remained good friends...

Yes or No?? & Why??

Thoughts!!!

Hell no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

🤗 cyber hugs!

Love,

Eva

Why— —

Sorry, forgot to answer 2nd part. Because I do not allow strangers in my house; don't care if he was my So's ex girlfriend. There's only ONE Queen in this house! I do NOT like distraction, scheduling my time around ANYONE, esp ex-gf of my hubby 🍹

🤗 cyber hugs!

Love,

Eva

PS: I answer honestly here, as I'm a divorcee.

click to expand

I agree with the part about letting anyone in your house... I said that in my answer... people can mess your energies in your home