'Love triangle' is messing with my head

Aquarius guy (Taurus Moon, Venus and Mars in Capricorn) had a crush on me for three years, but admitted to having abandonment issues due to childhood abuse - so when we got close he ran away. We've remained friends - however, he gets upset if another guy flirts with me, or if I ignore him. I once jokingly told someone I was going to live in another town and he had a complete meltdown and couldn't even speak to me, then disappeared for a few months.

Anyway, another girl joined our dojo a while back and started chasing him hard. She is incredibly pretty and, being 25, he flirted back. It was very painful for me, although he told me at the time that it was 'something light' and he actually made a point of avoiding her when he saw I was unhappy (to her confusion). She got angry and impatient with him and left the dojo for six months. She recently came back and threw herself into training, but at that point Mr Aqua wasn't there because he'd 'disappeared'. She kept talking about him and after some time, when she realised he wasn't coming, she started to lose interest again (truly believe she only came back because of him because her class attendance was poor at best). However, he's now come back! As luck would have it, neither has been at the dojo at the same time, because she hardly ever attends. But I'm really dreading the whole thing, because I know she'll throw herself at him once again. And unfortunately I have really fallen in love with him, as we became really good friends and I know about his childhood trauma, etc.

I don't know how he'll respond this time around and, to make matters worse, I got back with an ex and told him about it because I figured we'd never be together and we should probably just remain friends. Then I saw him again and realised I haven't gotten over him. However, he's so 'broken' by his past that he can't even admit to his feelings for me and says he'll probably be alone for the rest of his life. I guess I shouldn't worry too much about this girl, as she'll doubtless get mad all over again when he flirts with her and doesn't ask her out. But I'm pretty depressed about the situation. I think the best approach is to ignore what passes between them and continue to be a reliable, consistent friend to him? I am closer to him than anyone else - he says what usually happens is he pushes girls away, they get upset and they disappear, thus reinforcing his abandonment phobia. 😢

By the way, I'm a Scorpio (Gemini Moon) and the other girl is also a Scorpio (Sagittarius Moon).

Hm...

How easily did he fall for you?

Did he flirt with you as easily as he is flirting with this new person? And if so, it could have been anyone in the world as long as they were pretty and flirted with him.

I've dealt with the same kinds of people. They make it seem as if they will literally die without you.

But then they make it seem as if they will literally die for anyone who gives them attention..



It is painful to watch once you get attached to them.

Especially when you weren't attached to them

at first. You just wanted to be a genuine friend at first.

It's like..they don't even care about the other's feelings. They only care about who can baby them for attention. /:

idk him personally,

but...

He sounds a lot like the type I've dealt with.

Clingy at first,

then detach as soon as they find something else to cling to.

Too blinded by their own self-pity to realize the harm they cause.

Sure, be consistent but only if you can stand being hurt. He may not be doing it on purpose, but you'll need a heart of steel and be willing to watch him do these things to you often. He does need consistency but don't be surprised if it takes him 10 years to decide what his feelings for you are. Be prepared to give up the idea of a relationship with him (him being damaged is something you don't want to be involved with).

He's not in a position to be a good partner, and if you let your feelings for him cloud your judgment, it'll bring you right down with him.

@sultrykitty oh my god you're like...my astrology *moon apposite* twin x3

My moon is in Cancer

Aqua Rising

sun Leo ^^

Posted by SalamanderCandy
@sultrykitty oh my god you're like...my astrology *moon apposite* twin x3

My moon is in Cancer

Aqua Rising

sun Leo ^^

Lol I noticed that too (sun/rising). 🙂

Posted by sultrykitty
Sure, be consistent but only if you can stand being hurt. He may not be doing it on purpose, but you'll need a heart of steel and be willing to watch him do these things to you often. He does need consistency but don't be surprised if it takes him 10 years to decide what his feelings for you are. Be prepared to give up the idea of a relationship with him (him being damaged is something you don't want to be involved with).

He's not in a position to be a good partner, and if you let your feelings for him cloud your judgment, it'll bring you right down with him.

yay maybe use this mercury retrograde like myself to detach n focus on urself. You wanting to fix him isn’t going to work and it sounds like u do. u wanna be with a whole person. n being friends is going to keep hurting u. The only way is to ask him to get help. but most r stubborn and won’t get help unless they get to the rock bottom. n sometimes losing someone they care about the most might give them that hit they needed. Otherwise, he will keep going around this way forever. n it will most likely hurt u most in the process. This girl has got nothing with ur situation with him. Or his feelings for u . Or him being a coward not being a man and express his true feelings isn’t her fault either. So, try not to include another woman in ur situation with him. Don’t let it bother u.

Posted by sultrykitty
Sure, be consistent but only if you can stand being hurt. He may not be doing it on purpose, but you'll need a heart of steel and be willing to watch him do these things to you often. He does need consistency but don't be surprised if it takes him 10 years to decide what his feelings for you are. Be prepared to give up the idea of a relationship with him (him being damaged is something you don't want to be involved with).

He's not in a position to be a good partner, and if you let your feelings for him cloud your judgment, it'll bring you right down with him.

Did it take ur man 10 years to realise his feelings for u? lol, how long is the longest u left his ass? 😛

Posted by saweetz1988

Posted by sultrykitty
Sure, be consistent but only if you can stand being hurt. He may not be doing it on purpose, but you'll need a heart of steel and be willing to watch him do these things to you often. He does need consistency but don't be surprised if it takes him 10 years to decide what his feelings for you are. Be prepared to give up the idea of a relationship with him (him being damaged is something you don't want to be involved with).

He's not in a position to be a good partner, and if you let your feelings for him cloud your judgment, it'll bring you right down with him.

Did it take ur man 10 years to realise his feelings for u? lol, how long is the longest u left his ass? 😛

click to expand

Yep it was 10 years. 5 we were off/on and with other people too. 3 months was the longest and it was when I told him it had been enough. That was at the 5 year point.

And @MaggieJean, mine is an Aqua/Taurus with cap mercury and Aqua venus (almost as stubborn as Taurus venus). It is no playground with a hurt/damaged guy. But you can't save him. He has to learn how to deal with hurt and disappointment on his own, like we all do. I actually had to stop caring/coddling and then he grew up.

First as I always say, never settle being friends with someone when you actually want romance. It leads to confusion and hurt feelings. Also you're not really acting as his true friend if you're getting jealous over other women. Instead you're obsessing over someone who said that they don't want a relationship. This is basically a waste of your time.

Second, you might as well leave your current relationship because you clearly care way too much about the Aqua guy. You're not together, so it's none of your business who he's dating or who is interested in him. Furthermore you're with someone else. The fact that you're focused on this Aqua is a red flag. It would be best to let your current guy go because it seems like your attention is elsewhere. I doubt your current guy would be thrilled to know how much you're into this Aqua guy.

Third, you can't fix people. This guy's issues are his alone to figure out. The best thing he can do is get professional help. The best thing you can do is go about your life. There's no telling when/if he'll ever get the help he needs, so don't wait on him to come back around to you.

Posted by sultrykitty

Posted by saweetz1988

Posted by sultrykitty
Sure, be consistent but only if you can stand being hurt. He may not be doing it on purpose, but you'll need a heart of steel and be willing to watch him do these things to you often. He does need consistency but don't be surprised if it takes him 10 years to decide what his feelings for you are. Be prepared to give up the idea of a relationship with him (him being damaged is something you don't want to be involved with).

He's not in a position to be a good partner, and if you let your feelings for him cloud your judgment, it'll bring you right down with him.

Did it take ur man 10 years to realise his feelings for u? lol, how long is the longest u left his ass? 😛

Yep it was 10 years. 5 we were off/on and with other people too. 3 months was the longest and it was when I told him it had been enough. That was at the 5 year point.

And @MaggieJean, mine is an Aqua/Taurus with cap mercury and Aqua venus (almost as stubborn as Taurus venus). It is no playground with a hurt/damaged guy. But you can't save him. He has to learn how to deal with hurt and disappointment on his own, like we all do. I actually had to stop caring/coddling and then he grew up.

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Wowww... ok 3 months... after 5 years wow... when did he say the L word?....:. I’m at that point too. Cut all loss. They won’t grow up having u there in their life.

Posted by saweetz1988

Posted by sultrykitty

Posted by saweetz1988

Posted by sultrykitty
Sure, be consistent but only if you can stand being hurt. He may not be doing it on purpose, but you'll need a heart of steel and be willing to watch him do these things to you often. He does need consistency but don't be surprised if it takes him 10 years to decide what his feelings for you are. Be prepared to give up the idea of a relationship with him (him being damaged is something you don't want to be involved with).

He's not in a position to be a good partner, and if you let your feelings for him cloud your judgment, it'll bring you right down with him.

Did it take ur man 10 years to realise his feelings for u? lol, how long is the longest u left his ass? 😛

Yep it was 10 years. 5 we were off/on and with other people too. 3 months was the longest and it was when I told him it had been enough. That was at the 5 year point.

And @MaggieJean, mine is an Aqua/Taurus with cap mercury and Aqua venus (almost as stubborn as Taurus venus). It is no playground with a hurt/damaged guy. But you can't save him. He has to learn how to deal with hurt and disappointment on his own, like we all do. I actually had to stop caring/coddling and then he grew up.

Wowww... ok 3 months... after 5 years wow... when did he say the L word?....:. I’m at that point too. Cut all loss. They won’t grow up having u there in their life.

click to expand

I made a mistake on the timeline. It was TEN years and I had had enough, thought I had ended it. 3 months later he contacted me, a month after that came the L word and a 180° change in behavior.

Typical "he's just not that into you"

He keeps his options open as you are clearly not option no 1.

Heck gurl, you don't stand in line to get chosen! YOU choose who is in your team.

Do what makes you happy. Sometimes Aquas can be so self deluded into believing something is real that they can't seem to pull themselves out of it. That's where you come in. He'll either jump that stupid sinking ship or he won't.

If deep down inside his love for you outweighs the hurt then yay. If not then you're still doing him and youself a favour.

Posted by sultrykitty

Posted by saweetz1988

Posted by sultrykitty

Posted by saweetz1988

Posted by sultrykitty
Sure, be consistent but only if you can stand being hurt. He may not be doing it on purpose, but you'll need a heart of steel and be willing to watch him do these things to you often. He does need consistency but don't be surprised if it takes him 10 years to decide what his feelings for you are. Be prepared to give up the idea of a relationship with him (him being damaged is something you don't want to be involved with).

He's not in a position to be a good partner, and if you let your feelings for him cloud your judgment, it'll bring you right down with him.

Did it take ur man 10 years to realise his feelings for u? lol, how long is the longest u left his ass? 😛

Yep it was 10 years. 5 we were off/on and with other people too. 3 months was the longest and it was when I told him it had been enough. That was at the 5 year point.

And @MaggieJean, mine is an Aqua/Taurus with cap mercury and Aqua venus (almost as stubborn as Taurus venus). It is no playground with a hurt/damaged guy. But you can't save him. He has to learn how to deal with hurt and disappointment on his own, like we all do. I actually had to stop caring/coddling and then he grew up.

Wowww... ok 3 months... after 5 years wow... when did he say the L word?....:. I’m at that point too. Cut all loss. They won’t grow up having u there in their life.

I made a mistake on the timeline. It was TEN years and I had had enough, thought I had ended it. 3 months later he contacted me, a month after that came the L word and a 180° change in behavior.

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10 years?? Then the L word? Oh my.. that’s pretty craY isn’t it . atleast I’m happy for u he’s changed n u r happy now!!!

What's exactly that you want from him now? If you want him then compete. The strongest woman will win. i'm an aqua and I've experienced with Scorpio women.

Posted by Aquarelle
Do you realise that you are hurting him with your insecurities and that you are abandoning him too by returning to an ex?

You have to ask yourself if it's him you want, or that you just want him because someone else wants him too. Imo he is not interested in the other girl and he has considered your feelings. What did you do in return?

If you want him, go for him. Someone with abandonment issues needs someone he can trust 1000% , not someone who runs away when he does.

Love this♥

Posted by AerialView

Posted by Aquarelle
Do you realise that you are hurting him with your insecurities and that you are abandoning him too by returning to an ex?

You have to ask yourself if it's him you want, or that you just want him because someone else wants him too. Imo he is not interested in the other girl and he has considered your feelings. What did you do in return?

If you want him, go for him. Someone with abandonment issues needs someone he can trust 1000% , not someone who runs away when he does.

Love this♥

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She’s absolutely right

Posted by AerialView
What's exactly that you want from him now? If you want him then compete. The strongest woman will win. i'm an aqua and I've experienced with Scorpio women.

So Aqua men like women to compete and fight for them?? Scorpio has that natrual ability to do that. They r smart beings😉

ITs obvious that the OP also has some kind of attachment problem that’s why she’s also running and returning to an ex. None of the two are doing any solid work individually to become more of a secure attachment individual.. so even if the op run after the guy or compete,’it will go around in circle. One push the other one pull, one pull the other one come forward. Been there done that. The op is clearly trying to fix him. Maybe not want him. Also, getting jealous over the other woman when she’s dating an ex is just super double standard. They both need to do some inner work before they have any luck of this union. So , I wud not advice her to compete for him. Getting him temporary isn’t going to make them last long term. He needs serious professional help n the op shud advice him to do that n keep her distance u till he’s sorted. Trying to fix someone who refuse to help them self is pointless and waste of ur energy. Been there done that. Never again.

Posted by saweetz1988

Posted by AerialView
What's exactly that you want from him now? If you want him then compete. The strongest woman will win. i'm an aqua and I've experienced with Scorpio women.

So Aqua men like women to compete and fight for them?? Scorpio has that natrual ability to do that. They r smart beings😉

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Never as smart as aqua ttho 😛