Trouble with my friend with Aspergers - need to vent

Hi guys, I just need some Aries homie support and I feel like I've messed up 2023 already. I don't really have a question, I just need somewhere to vent.

I met this Aquarius about 4 years ago and I don't exactly remember how it was, I complained at the time but somehow we kept in touch. Then I moved away for work to another country and out of all my friends she kept in touch the most. At one point she was living in my apartment back in my home country for a year or so.

Around October I messaged her and said work was too much. I was working nights and weekends, and I asked her to go to Vegas with me. She said that she had a boyfriend and it would not be fair to him, and she said maybe some other time.

I remember messaging on here, and someone said I was "the other guy", and I felt bad because I'd never thought about it like this before. I ignore her completely after that, for a couple of months. I thought a little bit about it and wondered if I could have been her boyfriend, if I had stayed in my home town. But the fact was, she had a guy so I wanted to move on.

Then in early December, she messaged me and said that her boyfriend was keeping drugs under the bed and it smelt bad and she couldn't sleep. She asked to move back into my apartment, and I just said yes, thinking I was just helping her out as a friend, and also thinking she'd broken up with him.

Then she also messaged me and asked if I still wanted to go on vacation with her, she said anywhere sunny.

I met up with her and it was great, she was really happy and friendly and we had a good time. So I did book a vacation with her, for new years eve.

The first night on holiday was great, we drank and danced and had an amazing time. I said that I wish i was her boyfriend, and that I wouldn't mess her about and if it all worked out then I would hope we would get married, because we have been friends for 4 years. She told me that she knew that I liked her in that way, but I'd never said anything. She said she liked what I was saying and that she had to think about it. We had sex that night.

The next day was ok, but she didn't want to drink because we both had hangovers. In the night time, she said she couldn't sleep and wanted to sit on the balcony. I woke up and she was standing on the edge of the balcony. I asked her to come inside but she wouldn't. She was out there for 8 hrs by herself just standing there.

I asked her what was wrong, and she said that she had Aspergers and that what I said was way too much information and she was having panic attacks. Then she said she to sleep all day, without me in the room... so i left.

The next night was the same, and she told me not to push her into making a decision.

The third night, she left the hotel room by herself at 4am, and I was worried.. I didn't know where she went. I went down to hotel reception and then they checked which direction she walked from the hotel. I went looking for her but couldnt find her. Then the next day, she told me I was being too controlling and wasn't letting her have her space. She told me not to say anything to give her anymore panic attacks.

This has just been the vacation now, for 6 nights. We go back home tomorrow, and then I will go back to the country I work in. I'm just p'd for spending all this money on this. We've spent a bit of time together, like a bit of site seeing and dinners in the evening. But that's it. Maybe 70% of our time, we are separate and it's awkward when we meet.

The thing is, I do love her. She's told me that I need to communicate clearly with her about what I want, but whatever I say seems to give her a panic attack.

I'm completely lost, I'm not even sure she broke up with her boyfriend. I assumed yes but she has Aspergers so I'm not sure. Honestly, it felt great the first night.

Dunno what to do now, I guess I go home and just try to forget this ever happened. I'm not sure what's real and it's reall hard and humiliating for me actually. I'm assuming she doesn't like me at all, she's not even a friend right now. Sharing a hotel room with her is awful.

I read a bit about Aspergers and I have no idea. Most of my friend's have told me to run away. I guess I invested this time and money, and expect something back, but she has no consideration for my feelings or what I might be thinking. I feel like I've totally been treated like garbage. And I have known her 4 years. But some things have been so different recently. Like she has to move furniture around, she is super sensitive to smell and touch. And the second night here, she told me that I couldn't touch her. This is the night after having sex, just touching her on her arm and she acted like I was trying to rape her. I felt awful.

She hasn't always been like this, like I never knew she has this. My friend's keep saying it's fake and she's pretending because she doesn't like me. I dunno, I'm lost.

Sorry, I just needed an outlet.

You need to raise your standards. I remember you have a history of same things happening to you over and over again. You will get treated the way you accept to be treated.

You live in another country and keep an empty apartment somewhere that she can use for free? AND you're available to this girl to just drop everything and go on vacation because her and her boyfriend got into a fight?

I think she thought it would be a good escape until you told her how you feel and it made it awkward, especially after she had drunk sex with you.

I think things should be kept friendly- if you want to keep her as a friend- and she needs to pay rent for your place.

She is using you.

She moved in with her boyfriend cause she had a different place to lay her head down, and now is back at yours for free— UM NO. She's not your sister, kid or mom.

My dad has aspergers and had a late in life diagnosis (60s) which helped click a lot of things in place for me personally. Growing up I just thought he was cold and standoffish and cruel in some ways and chalked it up to him loosing his dad at an early age.

The first thing you should do is not take on the burden of her anxiety and depression as YOUR ISSUE. Its hers.

Secondly you need to distance yourself from her. She may love you like a friend and even something more, but she isn't capable of giving you the type of relationship you want from her. Compatibility issues don't go away. And your taking her Asperger symptoms personally which is not healthy for you. And certainly not healthy for her as she has told you multiple times that your concern was making her anxiety get worse.

I wanted to add...

Idk what the rental laws are where you live. Here if you have someone stay in your house, even without a formal rental agreement, they can essentially refuse to leave and have some legality on their side to maintain the home as their own. It can take months and tons of money thrown away to lawyers to get them out.

Be careful of who you let just crash at your home. Make sure to have some sort of written agreement... even if its just via text about duration of their stay and what time/date you expect them to leave. Protect your ass.

Posted by alexscaries
Are you even an Aries bro? You broke the dating rules. You don't put a woman on a pedestal unless you are in a commited relationship and even then it's sketch. You said she was 12/10, no woman is.



Advice in this thread especially by Weeds was bang on:

https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/aquarius/would-you-pay-to-take-a-girl-on-vacation-expecting-not-to-have-sex--13233865/?checkpg=1



Apologies for using language that is misogynistic in my previous posts I just wanted to spell it out in plain English.

Usually clarity comes after getting pussy and before falling in love, hopefully he realizes it and can move on.

Posted by alexscaries

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by alexscaries
Are you even an Aries bro? You broke the dating rules. You don't put a woman on a pedestal unless you are in a commited relationship and even then it's sketch. You said she was 12/10, no woman is.



Advice in this thread especially by Weeds was bang on:

https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/aquarius/would-you-pay-to-take-a-girl-on-vacation-expecting-not-to-have-sex--13233865/?checkpg=1



Apologies for using language that is misogynistic in my previous posts I just wanted to spell it out in plain English.

Usually clarity comes after getting pussy and before falling in love, hopefully he realizes it and can move on.




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Idk for someone who said he gets sex easy it ain't adding up. I think everyone man has bought a woman things to get her in bed. From my experience and everyone elses if a woman comes round and sleeps in your bed naked she wants to get railed. It's probably an issue with timing as others have said blew his chance of a relationship early on. I'm actually really ashamed to be Aries sun right now.



One's acting retarded and it's not the one with Asperger's.

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Men do funny things when they are in love.

She had the right combo of neglect, needing him, and not giving up the kitty to make him fall for her. - This happens when a man gets invested and feels needed.

This also happens when 1 person isn't interested, and remains a "friend"

Men and women fall for people that do "just enough" to not be in their life. I don't get it.

She wanted to break up with bf because his weed smelled too strong. Aspergers makes you overly sensitive to smells and sounds. If a smell freaked her out enough to end a relationship what do you think op talking about marriage made her feel? Freaked out wouldn't even begin to cover it.

Ya'll are not factoring in the fact that Aspergers doesn't give you the social skills to navigate conversations like us normies. Having a dude say 'lets get together' would be stressful enough. But having the same dude say I want to marry you... woah slow down. Lets see how we vibe during this vacation first before you plan the wedding. In her defense... no wonder she freaked the f out. I would freak out internally too... I think most women would if their 'friend' went from 0 to 100 like that.

Homegirl is an Aries whisperer

Give them nothing, have them dangling and the ram will eat outta your hand.

She’s knows he to keep the chase going that’s for sure

Posted by alexscaries

Posted by LadyNeptune
She wanted to break up with bf because his weed smelled too strong. Aspergers makes you overly sensitive to smells and sounds. If a smell freaked her out enough to end a relationship what do you think op talking about marriage made her feel? Freaked out wouldn't even begin to cover it.



Ya'll are not factoring in the fact that Aspergers doesn't give you the social skills to navigate conversations like us normies. Having a dude say 'lets get together' would be stressful enough. But having the same dude say I want to marry you... woah slow down. Lets see how we vibe during this vacation first before you plan the wedding. In her defense... no wonder she freaked the f out. I would freak out internally too... I think most women would if their 'friend' went from 0 to 100 like that.

She broke up with her ex boyfriend because she wanted an excuse to fuck someone else. OP said he's not sure she's still with him or not. AS or not she's an unstable headfuck.

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Thats an assumption on your end.

Being extremely sensitive to smell is part of aspergers, that checks out. If she is broken up with her bf than she can fuck whomever she wants. Don't shame her as being 'unstable headfuck' because she fucked op that makes no sense. Her fucking him once does not entitle him to fuck her again, a relationship with her, or marriage. That is her choice. Consent matters.

Op shouldn't be a pushover who drops his whole life for a 'friend' who he not so secretly expects more from. I agree with you on that. Help out a friend, sure. Go on vacation with said friend, sure. But to fuck the friend and then profess your love and wanting to marry them... a bit cringe. But then again if he wants to he can be the doormat aka her savior aka at her beck and call if he so chooses. Cause, consent matters and he obviously has consented not just this time but in the past to letting her use him for his apartment.

But obviously now the line is drawn in the sand. He confessed his feelings. She is not trying to have a relationship with him/return those feelings. The tentative friendship is forever changed. He needs a plan to get her out of the apartment. If it was me I'd be brutal af and have the locks/code changed while they are still on vacation so she can't squat there indefinitely.

Posted by alexscaries

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by alexscaries

Posted by LadyNeptune
She wanted to break up with bf because his weed smelled too strong. Aspergers makes you overly sensitive to smells and sounds. If a smell freaked her out enough to end a relationship what do you think op talking about marriage made her feel? Freaked out wouldn't even begin to cover it.



Ya'll are not factoring in the fact that Aspergers doesn't give you the social skills to navigate conversations like us normies. Having a dude say 'lets get together' would be stressful enough. But having the same dude say I want to marry you... woah slow down. Lets see how we vibe during this vacation first before you plan the wedding. In her defense... no wonder she freaked the f out. I would freak out internally too... I think most women would if their 'friend' went from 0 to 100 like that.

She broke up with her ex boyfriend because she wanted an excuse to fuck someone else. OP said he's not sure she's still with him or not. AS or not she's an unstable headfuck.


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Thats an assumption on your end.



Being extremely sensitive to smell is part of aspergers, that checks out. If she is broken up with her bf than she can fuck whomever she wants. Don't shame her as being 'unstable headfuck' because she fucked op that makes no sense. Her fucking him once does not entitle him to fuck her again, a relationship with her, or marriage. That is her choice. Consent matters.



Op shouldn't be a pushover who drops his whole life for a 'friend' who he not so secretly expects more from. I agree with you on that. Help out a friend, sure. Go on vacation with said friend, sure. But to fuck the friend and then profess your love and wanting to marry them... a bit cringe. But then again if he wants to he can be the doormat aka her savior aka at her beck and call if he so chooses. Cause, consent matters and he obviously has consented not just this time but in the past to letting her use him for his apartment.



But obviously now the line is drawn in the sand. He confessed his feelings. She is not trying to have a relationship with him/return those feelings. The tentative friendship is forever changed. He needs a plan to get her out of the apartment. If it was me I'd be brutal af and have the locks/code changed while they are still on vacation so she can't squat there indefinitely.


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She dumps him then asks to go on holiday with Jo. That's a user there. Why not go on holiday when he asked 3 months ago?



Not shaming her and I'm also not siding with Jo. He's posted over 3 threads of the same thing, it doesn't paint her in a good light. No man with any self esteem has time for that energy.



I do agree with the latter though.

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I don't think going on vacation with a friend is user behavior. Sounds like a pretty standard thing to do after a breakup. Using said friend multiple times to crash at their place... also not user behavior necessarily since he offered it to her.

But now that he has professed his feelings and wanting more than friendship... if she continues to live in his property... that is user behavior. But again, she has Asperger's so she literally can't process feelings and emotions and think of things like this. Unintentional user basically.

Its up to op to set boundaries and protect himself and his assets from those who take without giving anything in return. Which is how it should be anyways. Can't expect others to put you first. Put yourself first.

both i think

she has aspergers AND doesn't really like you that much

Aqua dad the Aries like this! 😆

did she have her phone with her in that balcony?

or was she there for 8 hours staring at the horizon?

Posted by Bumboklaat

Posted by saggurl88
Aqua dad the Aries like this!

I'd take pictures like that with any girl

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These are unique enough pictures, eh? 😆

Spoiler alert...





She is a vampire! 😄

Posted by alexscaries

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by alexscaries

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by alexscaries

Posted by LadyNeptune
She wanted to break up with bf because his weed smelled too strong. Aspergers makes you overly sensitive to smells and sounds. If a smell freaked her out enough to end a relationship what do you think op talking about marriage made her feel? Freaked out wouldn't even begin to cover it.



Ya'll are not factoring in the fact that Aspergers doesn't give you the social skills to navigate conversations like us normies. Having a dude say 'lets get together' would be stressful enough. But having the same dude say I want to marry you... woah slow down. Lets see how we vibe during this vacation first before you plan the wedding. In her defense... no wonder she freaked the f out. I would freak out internally too... I think most women would if their 'friend' went from 0 to 100 like that.

She broke up with her ex boyfriend because she wanted an excuse to fuck someone else. OP said he's not sure she's still with him or not. AS or not she's an unstable headfuck.


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Thats an assumption on your end.



Being extremely sensitive to smell is part of aspergers, that checks out. If she is broken up with her bf than she can fuck whomever she wants. Don't shame her as being 'unstable headfuck' because she fucked op that makes no sense. Her fucking him once does not entitle him to fuck her again, a relationship with her, or marriage. That is her choice. Consent matters.



Op shouldn't be a pushover who drops his whole life for a 'friend' who he not so secretly expects more from. I agree with you on that. Help out a friend, sure. Go on vacation with said friend, sure. But to fuck the friend and then profess your love and wanting to marry them... a bit cringe. But then again if he wants to he can be the doormat aka her savior aka at her beck and call if he so chooses. Cause, consent matters and he obviously has consented not just this time but in the past to letting her use him for his apartment.



But obviously now the line is drawn in the sand. He confessed his feelings. She is not trying to have a relationship with him/return those feelings. The tentative friendship is forever changed. He needs a plan to get her out of the apartment. If it was me I'd be brutal af and have the locks/code changed while they are still on vacation so she can't squat there indefinitely.


click to expand

She dumps him then asks to go on holiday with Jo. That's a user there. Why not go on holiday when he asked 3 months ago?



Not shaming her and I'm also not siding with Jo. He's posted over 3 threads of the same thing, it doesn't paint her in a good light. No man with any self esteem has time for that energy.



I do agree with the latter though.






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I don't think going on vacation with a friend is user behavior. Sounds like a pretty standard thing to do after a breakup. Using said friend multiple times to crash at their place... also not user behavior necessarily since he offered it to her.



But now that he has professed his feelings and wanting more than friendship... if she continues to live in his property... that is user behavior. But again, she has Asperger's so she literally can't process feelings and emotions and think of things like this. Unintentional user basically.



Its up to op to set boundaries and protect himself and his assets from those who take without giving anything in return. Which is how it should be anyways. Can't expect others to put you first. Put yourself first.
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Offering or not, he's got the worst end if the deal.



He professed his feelings and got sex. That would be winning. He got buyer's remorse. A night of crap sex and the Spanish archer. Total waste of investment. She could have said she wanted to be friends at the start, she lead him on plain and simple. AS people might not be good at EQ, but she's an adult in her 30s.

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Getting older doesn't mean you age out of aspergers sadly. Her age has nothing to do with her developmental disorder. If anything it becomes more obvious the older she gets because you can no longer use the excuse of age to explain away certain behaviors from this syndrome.

I don't see how she led him on. They went on this vacation as friends. He got some friend pussy out of it, winning! He got sex BEFORE expressing the feels. Its his emotional feelings vomit that ruined the vibe. Mostly because she has Asperger's, can't come on all strong... Aries strong at that. If he hadn't said the whole part about I wanna marry you they probably would've fucked again, or several more times. Maybe started dating long distance. Maybe eventually something more... even marriage. Slow burn bordering on indifference would've been a better route. But hey, live and learn.

Posted by alexscaries

Posted by Timone
You need to raise your standards. I remember you have a history of same things happening to you over and over again. You will get treated the way you accept to be treated.

Agree apart from the last part. We presume relationships aren't chaos and are controllable. We pretend we choose who we date.

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It is a choice. If you keep finding yourself in the same type of relationships over and over again the chances are the issue is you not the other person. I don't know maybe I just don't like the victim mentality. Why is he keep ending up with girls that are treating him this way. He is free to move on but he chooses not to.

I think I have white knight syndrome, or I like the challenge.. or maybe I feel invested now and I still waiting to get some sort of return (like more sex).

Anyway, towards the end of the vacation, she was nice when she was happy, but other times just completely blanked any question I asked her. She walked off very quickly several times making it difficult to even ask where she was going

The thing is I really wanted to go to Miami, this is where I originally booked. Then her Covid app/pass on her phone wasn't worked. She completely refused to go to the airport without it. She had sufficient evidence to show she'd been vaccinated, but wanted the app. She only decided this 3 hrs before the flight. It felt stupid to me and I probably had my own panic attack there at that point. She refused to even go to the airport and try.

I cancelled the hotel as quick as I could, I lost money on the flights.

I booked Dubai, because she had been there 7 times before already. I hate it there but I knew she'd want to go. Looking back knowing what I know now, I should have just gone to Miami by myself.



She said the vaping in Dubai made her feel trapped, she had a massive problems with vaping in particular. And she started saying she wish we'd gone to Miami.

Then she made out that Dubai was my fault, she told me she wouldn't hold it against me though. Any restaurant with other people in it, she would walk out, and start telling me they might vape. It didn't matter if the other people were inside or outside, she said she would be able to smell it.

She has no consideration for my feelings. She never even said thanks to me for anything.

I am totally ghosting her now. I have done before in the past, she'll message when she wants something from me probably.

I don't know, sometimes I say things when I'm drunk and I expect people to think I was drunk and just saying it. On new years eve, I said that she should move in and live with me, and that if things went well we could get married. From a previous drunken conversation, she brought back the fact that once (when drunk), I said that if we had a baby together I would pay her 500k. She said she would do this. Then I said we would have to get married too. She asked me if I loved her and said she'd have to think about it.

Later she told me she had Asperger's, so are people telling me now that she thinks what I said is literally what I want? If she took it so literal and immediate, then I think I understand the panic attack. But people say drunken things like this all the time in my opinion, who knows what it means. I see it as having a fun and stupid conversation to show you generally like someone.

Anyway, getting on the plane, she told me that she would move to live with me if I could find a government website which states you can be arrested for vaping. You see, I would think this was a joke, but I think she meant literally.

But she doesn't like me, so what's the point. Honestly, she didn't use to be like this. She really has a thing about getting away from "smell" right now, in particular weed and vaping. I'm wondering if it's permanent or just a phase.

Well, I think the sex part was because we were drinking.

Yes I did sort of think of the holiday as friends, but in the past she has said that she knew I liked her. On new years eve, I was just saying I liked her. We were having a good time.

She seems to change a lot with alcohol, after that first night she didn't drink anything.

The whole conversation to me felt a bit like some sort of business transaction and I'm not really used to it to be honest, normally you have sex a few times and then talk about what's happening.

Honestly, I didn't want to mention anything about her boyfriend or previous boyfriend, I just wanted to conversations to focus on us.

I wanted to talk to her, and she also said I needed to communicate more, but like I said.. she was having panic attacks and I was trying to be really careful about what I was saying. It was also really difficult to deal with going to a restaurant and then walking out and being upset, it was difficult for me to understand and deal with. I told her I was happy with her and wanted to see her more, and wanted her to visit me...

She seemed to be talking more at the start, then when she started saying she felt trapped because of the vaping, I just wanted the vacation to end for both of us. I don't know what conversations I could have had. I spoke to her when she was speaking to me, if she wanted to be quiet, then we were just quiet. I never focused on anything too complicated for her.

Anyway, right now, I plan to get therapy. I'm direct as a person, once I know them, I try not to force issues without testing the water first. Testing the water first was impossible with her, she was non-responsive sometimes when I just asked "are you ok?". She also told me that she didn't want to have to make eye contact with each other all the time.. like I've never really heard this before, when I talk to people, I look at them.

Also, I am thinking she was with her ex previously, because he has access to drugs. I don't have access to drugs. Maybe she only has sex on drugs or when very drunk.

On new years eve, she complained about smoking, but then she smoked one cigarette herself. I agree I do not communicate very well, but it was all confusing for me.

Yes, it's crap but I do still like her.

When I moved away for work, I didn't regret it, but I always wondered what would have happened with her if I'd stayed. Especially because we still kept in touch and messaged each other most days. When she told me she had a boyfriend, I left it, I was dating other women.

When she messaged me saying she wanted to go on vacation. I thought it was something that would never happen. I saw it as a chance to find out finally what might have happened if I'd stayed.

The only way I can really be with her, is if she moves to be closer to me. I told her this that night. She's already been saying for a while that she wants to move somewhere else. All she has to do is come visit me. I just wasn't prepared for the panic attacks afterwards. I guess I felt like I needed to do damage control at that point. Also, I live in a sort of sunny beach paradise anyway, I never even needed a vacation, it was for her. The fact I'm offering to help her out, when I know other women would appreciate me a lot more, does make me feel sick

"Yes, it's crap but I do still like her"

If you like crap, you certainly got it here. It's not "just" the AS, but her personality, which is that of a difficult, unstable, user and gold digger. You've got a glimpse of how she really is, and you know the saying...If they show you who they are, you should listen!

This is not a phase, this is how your future life is going to be, on a daily basis, if you "buy" this person. You're going to have to walk on eggshells with her, cancel your plans with short notice, bleed money to pay for everything she wants on a whim and discards a minute later, upset your friends and family.

She, on the other hand, is going to disrespect you, resent you more and more, become disgusted both physically and mentally by you and plan how to get out of this with as much money and stuff as she can get. Part of her plan could be to trap you even further with children, who will also learn from her how to use you and disrespect you. If you become sick, needy or in trouble, she's going to hit you even harder.

You are not saving anyone here, you are just inflicting yourself a terrible injury. Do you need a challenge? Find a challenging hobby that doesn't involve emotionally unavailable women. Go and do some charitable work...there are people in real need out there, if you like to play the knight.

Posted by alexscaries

Posted by Undine
"Yes, it's crap but I do still like her"



If you like crap, you certainly got it here. It's not "just" the AS, but her personality, which is that of a difficult, unstable, user and gold digger. You've got a glimpse of how she really is, and you know the saying...If they show you who they are, you should listen!



This is not a phase, this is how your future life is going to be, on a daily basis, if you "buy" this person. You're going to have to walk on eggshells with her, cancel your plans with short notice, bleed money to pay for everything she wants on a whim and discards a minute later, upset your friends and family.



She, on the other hand, is going to disrespect you, resent you more and more, become disgusted both physically and mentally by you and plan how to get out of this with as much money and stuff as she can get. Part of her plan could be to trap you even further with children, who will also learn from her how to use you and disrespect you. If you become sick, needy or in trouble, she's going to hit you even harder.



You are not saving anyone here, you are just inflicting yourself a terrible injury. Do you need a challenge? Find a challenging hobby that doesn't involve emotionally unavailable women. Go and do some charitable work...there are people in real need out there, if you like to play the knight.

I pretty much said the top paragraph and got shot down for not putting it down to her AS.



Pretty much agree with you though.

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Aspie or not, she's got her own personality. For example, Aspies are not usually unstable and fickle. They like routine, stick to the tried and trusted and have a very hard time when plans do change. She doesn't mind changing her plans! Also, Aspies don't usually tolerate or manipulate people just to get nice things from them. She does it, to some extent.

The rest of her difficult behaviour (intolerance to smell, noise, touch) could be attributed to her AS, which is not a phase, as AriesJo hoped, but merely the tip of the iceberg. He needs to stop, cool down and think things through. Also, to control his drinking behaviour, if it makes him say things he doesn't actually mean. The latter could get him in trouble too, not just his "save a ho" mentality.

Posted by MonaLisa26

Posted by Undine

Posted by alexscaries

Posted by Undine
"Yes, it's crap but I do still like her"



If you like crap, you certainly got it here. It's not "just" the AS, but her personality, which is that of a difficult, unstable, user and gold digger. You've got a glimpse of how she really is, and you know the saying...If they show you who they are, you should listen!



This is not a phase, this is how your future life is going to be, on a daily basis, if you "buy" this person. You're going to have to walk on eggshells with her, cancel your plans with short notice, bleed money to pay for everything she wants on a whim and discards a minute later, upset your friends and family.



She, on the other hand, is going to disrespect you, resent you more and more, become disgusted both physically and mentally by you and plan how to get out of this with as much money and stuff as she can get. Part of her plan could be to trap you even further with children, who will also learn from her how to use you and disrespect you. If you become sick, needy or in trouble, she's going to hit you even harder.



You are not saving anyone here, you are just inflicting yourself a terrible injury. Do you need a challenge? Find a challenging hobby that doesn't involve emotionally unavailable women. Go and do some charitable work...there are people in real need out there, if you like to play the knight.

I pretty much said the top paragraph and got shot down for not putting it down to her AS.



Pretty much agree with you though.


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Aspie or not, she's got her own personality. For example, Aspies are not usually unstable and fickle. They like routine, stick to the tried and trusted and have a very hard time when plans do change. She doesn't mind changing her plans! Also, Aspies don't usually tolerate or manipulate people just to get nice things from them. She does it, to some extent.



The rest of her difficult behaviour (intolerance to smell, noise, touch) could be attributed to her AS, which is not a phase, as AriesJo hoped, but merely the tip of the iceberg. He needs to stop, cool down and think things through. Also, to control his drinking behaviour, if it makes him say things he doesn't actually mean. The latter could get him in trouble too, not just his "save a ho" mentality.






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As I suspected he might have some mental disorder and feeling ‘need’ of her to be paired up with someone troubled?

I do however met men in my life who KNEW what they getting themselves into - however their ‘wants’ were winning and they done what they KNEW they shouldn’t had and lived with it suffering trough life being LUCKY when those women left them IF they had…

I am also remembering now that my ex Aries dated women since 17 - one who was a drug user and alcoholic. Then one who was a drug user and very mean along with her sisters and mother. Those were 3 years each rships until he was fed up and left. Being older he dated his school mate ho was a alcoholic…again…Then he married bipolar woman who refused taking meds and he is still waiting for their son to turn 18 this year and she won’t bother them anymore.

So I seemed extremely normal to him…🤔😂

I was thinking about it A LOT and my conclusion was is that he grew up in abusive household and held this pain and always talked to me about it. He never seen him being gorgeous man as he is but his self esteem was pretty high. I KNOW that he wouldn’t deal with a woman who would abuse him or use him.

However the part of choosing women with troubled personalities was his thing. Why?

They were gorgeous though. All 3 I’ve seen.

Those whom he dated for at least 3 years…

I am still wondering why was this choosing was present in his life?

Is this something Jo has as double Ram and if it is in the stars - can this be avoided?

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These relationships didn't last, though! If the do, it's because of some codependency issue, which makes the poor Aries even more unhappy. I know a few Aries (females, though) in mismatched marriages and it's not pleasant to watch. If I ask "how is your husband", the Aries disposition changes in a second, like someone killed her favourite pet or something! When she is speaking to him, you could easily sense her lack of respect and resentment in her voice. The only way their relationship lasted, she said, was because she's been working during the day and he (a Cap) during the night!

Maybe your Aries ex had a strong need to see himself as the knight in shinning armour rescuing a beautiful damsel in distress. I think this is typical of Aries. However, Aries will eventually run out of patience when the same damsel gets into exactly the same troubles she was repeatedly rescued from! Now, this is not a challenge any longer, it gets old, it even looks like bloody routine!!! Something that Aries is allergic to! Hence the breakup.

I don't know guys, I feel like I work best in "chaos". Even at work. It's a strength and a weakness I guess, otherwise I just get bored with the same routine. Plus the white knight syndrome.

I know Autism is not a phase, but her sensitivity to smells is recent thing. I thought the whole "smell" thing goes through phases.. i.e. sometimes the person with autism looks for smells that aren't there, and sometimes they are overly sensitive to smells that are there (something like that).

But i have doubts now if she has Autism. Her ex (or current) boyfriend is a cocaine dealer. She told me she had to move out of his house because of the smell of cocaine was too much, and she told me that he asked her why she was sniffing it then.

I know she also did it when she was younger for 10 years or something, but she always just tells me she doesn't do it anymore

Anyway, I believe I would have never known if I hadn't gone away with her. At least this is something. Maybe something I had to find out.

There was a more complete person there at one point. If I'd seen all this crap on the first date, then obviously I wouldn't have stuck around, but this is 4 years where somehow she's changed, probably long term drug abuse (not autism). Reading your comments make me think this.

I've asked someone else out now, I just want to move on and I was meaning to ask this realtor out before but never did. I asked her, and she said she'd like to, so I can just see how this goes now (someone with a proper job for a change).

For sure I will see my own therapist though, I've been meaning to do this for a while now.

Posted by ChowBBM
Sorry to hear that buddy



She probably never liked you but kept you around as a beta provider

This Asperger or not. She is not disabled they still know what they are doing.

Posted by AriesJo
I think I have white knight syndrome, or I like the challenge.. or maybe I feel invested now and I still waiting to get some sort of return (like more sex).



Anyway, towards the end of the vacation, she was nice when she was happy, but other times just completely blanked any question I asked her. She walked off very quickly several times making it difficult to even ask where she was going



The thing is I really wanted to go to Miami, this is where I originally booked. Then her Covid app/pass on her phone wasn't worked. She completely refused to go to the airport without it. She had sufficient evidence to show she'd been vaccinated, but wanted the app. She only decided this 3 hrs before the flight. It felt stupid to me and I probably had my own panic attack there at that point. She refused to even go to the airport and try.



I cancelled the hotel as quick as I could, I lost money on the flights.

I booked Dubai, because she had been there 7 times before already. I hate it there but I knew she'd want to go. Looking back knowing what I know now, I should have just gone to Miami by myself.



She said the vaping in Dubai made her feel trapped, she had a massive problems with vaping in particular. And she started saying she wish we'd gone to Miami.

Then she made out that Dubai was my fault, she told me she wouldn't hold it against me though. Any restaurant with other people in it, she would walk out, and start telling me they might vape. It didn't matter if the other people were inside or outside, she said she would be able to smell it.



She has no consideration for my feelings. She never even said thanks to me for anything.



I am totally ghosting her now. I have done before in the past, she'll message when she wants something from me probably.



I don't know, sometimes I say things when I'm drunk and I expect people to think I was drunk and just saying it. On new years eve, I said that she should move in and live with me, and that if things went well we could get married. From a previous drunken conversation, she brought back the fact that once (when drunk), I said that if we had a baby together I would pay her 500k. She said she would do this. Then I said we would have to get married too. She asked me if I loved her and said she'd have to think about it.



Later she told me she had Asperger's, so are people telling me now that she thinks what I said is literally what I want? If she took it so literal and immediate, then I think I understand the panic attack. But people say drunken things like this all the time in my opinion, who knows what it means. I see it as having a fun and stupid conversation to show you generally like someone.



Anyway, getting on the plane, she told me that she would move to live with me if I could find a government website which states you can be arrested for vaping. You see, I would think this was a joke, but I think she meant literally.

But she doesn't like me, so what's the point. Honestly, she didn't use to be like this. She really has a thing about getting away from "smell" right now, in particular weed and vaping. I'm wondering if it's permanent or just a phase.

She’s a user n probably narc bidding behind the Asperger diagnosis

After all she is telling u this