spiritofjosh
@spiritofjosh
11 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 53 · Topics: 9
Damn, I’m here again.
You can expect the same thing that happened to you last time LOL
It's like ground hog day.
Great movie, great study if you really want to understand cancer.
It's like ground hog day.
Great movie, great study if you really want to understand cancer.
That movie has come to mind quite often within the last 5 years.
So if it’s not lovey-dovey between you two for a day or so, you start accusing and abusing each other? Why can’t you accept that there will be other priorities in your daily life from time to time, or that people’s mood may temporarily change for reasons that have nothing to do with you?
If you get off on casual drama and make up sex, good for you. If you want a healthy, emotionally rewarding and stable relationship however, you need to confront your own insecurities and unrealistic expectations, first and foremost.
If you get off on casual drama and make up sex, good for you. If you want a healthy, emotionally rewarding and stable relationship however, you need to confront your own insecurities and unrealistic expectations, first and foremost.
Damn. Do what you gotta do to fight for your relationship imo. Talk to her until you figure out exactly why she feels like she does. She may not even know exactly why yet.
What’s weird is in the past I would go off just because it felt comfortable to, but I actively worked on that because I mean, it was just something I had to do. Since then (2 years) I have been way more open and easy going, supportive of whatever she wanted, and let her be her. But with her it’s like she has this toxic side she refuses to acknowledge and fix which I can’t stand around to deal with anymore.
Unfortunately the issue at hand is that if this is one of her phases of emotional and mental regurgitation and will come wandering back again when she doesn’t feel so angry then I’m afraid of being a sucker. She has the best good side but the worst bad side and the good side is what always lures me back….if that is what she ends up trying to do which i’m doubting at this point. Anybody else have similar experiences?
Unfortunately the issue at hand is that if this is one of her phases of emotional and mental regurgitation and will come wandering back again when she doesn’t feel so angry then I’m afraid of being a sucker. She has the best good side but the worst bad side and the good side is what always lures me back….if that is what she ends up trying to do which i’m doubting at this point. Anybody else have similar experiences?
Well only you and her know the nuances and what needs to happen, but if there is anything worth fighting for, love is one of them. Obviously if there is abuse or something happening, that is one thing.
Nothing says support like berating and instigating a fight with her when she is at work (selling her baked goods). If your ego is so fragile to be threatened when she doesn’t respond to your texts “fast enough” that’s a you problem not a her problem.
Posted by LadyNeptune
Nothing says support like berating and instigating a fight with her when she is at work (selling her baked goods). If your ego is so fragile to be threatened when she doesn’t respond to your texts “fast enough” that’s a you problem not a her problem.
Yes, this ^^^ You started it!
I was in her shoes, and the reason why I didn't always respond to my exe's text “fast enough”, was because there was no urgency in his text whatsoever, so I preferred to respond later on, when my mind was free from daily chores and obligations. I cared about and wanted to think before I wrote! My ex, like you, made up his mind that I committed a crime and when he finally voiced his resentment, refused to listen to me or to believe me.
You can't change the way she is, but you can change your own actions that are placing her in the unfortunate position to have to defend herself of your unjust accusations. If your ego is so fragile, then let her be! Plenty of women out there who would text the crap out of you.
You guys both seem like you needed lots of attention and didn't get enough of it.
You call her toxic and in the same breath say this-
" in the past I would go off just because it felt comfortable to, .."
A Scorpio calling someone out on their bad behavior and playing just as much as the victim as she is. What a water sign surprise this is.
She seemed like she had a lot of family problems that either she needed space to deal with and you bitched and felt neglected or you needed attention and tried to smother her and she wasn't having it and forced space so she could tend to her emotional needs and didn't have room to tend to her relationship.
And you call her bad partner because your needs weren't being met and you felt neglected.
People handle things very differently, like you said she sucks at being there for someone while she's going through personal trauma and you expect her to still be available to you at all costs.
You are just as selfish and I don't think you are supportive of her at all based on what was written.
Seems like both of you are selfish towards each other and not compassionate or understanding of personal space or how to be in a relationship and be comforting towards a partner.
End things for good and find the leech that you need that will put you first at all costs, no matter what.
You call her toxic and in the same breath say this-
" in the past I would go off just because it felt comfortable to, .."
A Scorpio calling someone out on their bad behavior and playing just as much as the victim as she is. What a water sign surprise this is.
She seemed like she had a lot of family problems that either she needed space to deal with and you bitched and felt neglected or you needed attention and tried to smother her and she wasn't having it and forced space so she could tend to her emotional needs and didn't have room to tend to her relationship.
And you call her bad partner because your needs weren't being met and you felt neglected.
People handle things very differently, like you said she sucks at being there for someone while she's going through personal trauma and you expect her to still be available to you at all costs.
You are just as selfish and I don't think you are supportive of her at all based on what was written.
Seems like both of you are selfish towards each other and not compassionate or understanding of personal space or how to be in a relationship and be comforting towards a partner.
End things for good and find the leech that you need that will put you first at all costs, no matter what.
Posted by UndinePosted by LadyNeptune
Nothing says support like berating and instigating a fight with her when she is at work (selling her baked goods). If your ego is so fragile to be threatened when she doesn’t respond to your texts “fast enough” that’s a you problem not a her problem.
Yes, this ^^^ You started it!
I was in her shoes, and the reason why I didn't always respond to my exe's text “fast enough”, was because there was no urgency in his text whatsoever, so I preferred to respond later on, when my mind was free from daily chores and obligations. I cared about and wanted to think before I wrote! My ex, like you, made up his mind that I committed a crime and when he finally voiced his resentment, refused to listen to me or to believe me.
You can't change the way she is, but you can change your own actions that are placing her in the unfortunate position to have to defend herself of your unjust accusations. If your ego is so fragile, then let her be! Plenty of women out there who would text the crap out of you.click to expand
I can see people being needy at the beginning of a relationship. But 5 years in, living together for multiple years, her doing sweet thoughtful gestures like leaving him cute notes in his lunch box. Shit what more do you need??
Its times like these I am grateful to be with a double air sign. He doesn't ride my nuts 24/7 and doesn't expect me to be up his ass.
Sorry op I am predisposed to take her side because you are painting her in a bad light and using her mental break down and car accident as the reason why she is the problem here, not you. Where is the loyalty? The support?
In actuality your the one who picked a fight which escalated to the point where she said she wants to break up because you are "wearing her out mentally".
But you don't acknowledge your part here, you ironically are saying she is the one with the victim mentality who never admits her wrongs.
When if, you apologized and took a chill pill, she most likely would not be breaking up with you.
If you want to be done with the relationship then say that. Don't use her car accident and mental health against her as the reason, that's shady af.
I have experienced a car accident that fucked me up both physically and mentally. Its a hard thing. And to get healthy its not just a matter of meds and time to heal, you need real ass people who stand by you.
Your not that person for her.
In actuality your the one who picked a fight which escalated to the point where she said she wants to break up because you are "wearing her out mentally".
But you don't acknowledge your part here, you ironically are saying she is the one with the victim mentality who never admits her wrongs.
When if, you apologized and took a chill pill, she most likely would not be breaking up with you.
If you want to be done with the relationship then say that. Don't use her car accident and mental health against her as the reason, that's shady af.
I have experienced a car accident that fucked me up both physically and mentally. Its a hard thing. And to get healthy its not just a matter of meds and time to heal, you need real ass people who stand by you.
Your not that person for her.
Posted by saggurl88
You guys both seem like you needed lots of attention and didn't get enough of it.
You call her toxic and in the same breath say this-
" in the past I would go off just because it felt comfortable to, .."
A Scorpio calling someone out on their bad behavior and playing just as much as the victim as she is. What a water sign surprise this is.
She seemed like she had a lot of family problems that either she needed space to deal with and you bitched and felt neglected or you needed attention and tried to smother her and she wasn't having it and forced space so she could tend to her emotional needs and didn't have room to tend to her relationship.
And you call her bad partner because your needs weren't being met and you felt neglected.
People handle things very differently, like you said she sucks at being there for someone while she's going through personal trauma and you expect her to still be available to you at all costs.
You are just as selfish and I don't think you are supportive of her at all based on what was written.
Seems like both of you are selfish towards each other and not compassionate or understanding of personal space or how to be in a relationship and be comforting towards a partner.
End things for good and find the leech that you need that will put you first at all costs, no matter what.
Not exactly hitting the mark….I admitted in the past I had been rough but actively changed that because it upset her. She ended things abruptly twice, tried getting to move out that day twice and acted this way, twice. That behavior is toxic which she even admitted and said she simply did it out of anger. If I came off as stating any mental issues she may have as negative then it was a poor choice of words because I supported her each way. She said it herself last week “you have been a good support system through all I’ve been through but….” during her breakup speech. I am not innocent but I don’t think i’m the entire blame because I got annoyed she was answering me once an hour for 4 hours straight while “sitting there by herself.” Also her baking is a side hustle/hobby not her job. I never expect her to answer me when she’s at actual work.
Posted by spiritofjoshPosted by saggurl88
You guys both seem like you needed lots of attention and didn't get enough of it.
You call her toxic and in the same breath say this-
" in the past I would go off just because it felt comfortable to, .."
A Scorpio calling someone out on their bad behavior and playing just as much as the victim as she is. What a water sign surprise this is.
She seemed like she had a lot of family problems that either she needed space to deal with and you bitched and felt neglected or you needed attention and tried to smother her and she wasn't having it and forced space so she could tend to her emotional needs and didn't have room to tend to her relationship.
And you call her bad partner because your needs weren't being met and you felt neglected.
People handle things very differently, like you said she sucks at being there for someone while she's going through personal trauma and you expect her to still be available to you at all costs.
You are just as selfish and I don't think you are supportive of her at all based on what was written.
Seems like both of you are selfish towards each other and not compassionate or understanding of personal space or how to be in a relationship and be comforting towards a partner.
End things for good and find the leech that you need that will put you first at all costs, no matter what.
Not exactly hitting the mark….I admitted in the past I had been rough but actively changed that because it upset her. She ended things abruptly twice, tried getting to move out that day twice and acted this way, twice. That behavior is toxic which she even admitted and said she simply did it out of anger. If I came off as stating any mental issues she may have as negative then it was a poor choice of words because I supported her each way. She said it herself last week “you have been a good support system through all I’ve been through but….” during her breakup speech. I am not innocent but I don’t think i’m the entire blame because I got annoyed she was answering me once an hour for 4 hours straight while “sitting there by herself.” Also her baking is a side hustle/hobby not her job. I never expect her to answer me when she’s at actual work.click to expand
Well in arguments, you both seem to have bad behavior.
You're mad cause she acts rash in the heat of an argument and kicks you out? This is going to be her behavior until you guys actually have a conversation saying why this won't solve anything and communicate why she thinks this is a good reaction to have. And for you to do some self reflection and not let the arguments escalate out of control like this.
The main point is that people don't have to stick by a persons side if they feel they are being treated crappy. No one has to put up with anything just for the sake of staying together.
Not answering you once and hour for 4 hours while she was just "sitting there" lol Too funny.
I don't know how you're owed anything that has to do with her time and what she's doing away from you in such a short amount of time.
I don't understand people that take offense when someone else is busy.
She didn't answer you immediately cause she was busy in whatever way she was spending that time.
She seemed to be being petty and it got you annoyed, just like she knew it would.
The question is how you can overcome the arguments so it won't keep on happening. Instead of doing tit for tat.
Her worst behavior is most likely a reflection of how she thinks she's being treated by you.
Both of you should try to be more emotionally mature so you can handle arguments like adults instead of children.
I feel as though I keep getting some wires crossed here because everybody is attacking me about being upset she takes 60 minutes to say “yes.”
The conversation went like this:
Me: Your setup looks really good, I hope you sell everything.
Her (49 minutes later): Thanks, me too.
Me: How is it going so far?
Her(39 min later): It’s alright. Everybody is inside and I’ve just been sitting her by myself.
Me: Oh, did they buy some stuff at least?
Her (12. min later): Yeah a little bit but not as much as I hoped.
Me: Is everything ok? You seem distant and said you weren’t busy.
Her (51 min later): Yeah i’m ok why?
Me: You’re just taking forever to answer me but told me you weren’t busy so i’m just asking.
Her (20 min later): I’m not taking long to answer you….
Me: It’s just like an hour until between, you said you’re just sitting there and when we’re home you’re glued to your phone. I don’t care about who you talk to or how much but I don’t really get the same respect sometimes and I’m out of state so i’m just trying to talk but it seems difficult like you don’t want to. If you don’t feel like it, it’s fine. You don’t owe me, I’m just making sure because I can’t be there.
Her (15 min later): I do want to talk to you why are you saying I don’t.
And it just escalated from there until she freaked out and went off. My responses where no more harsh as it went on but she acted like I was calling her a shitty person. But what I said is what annoyed me to begin with is when she gets home from work she sits on her phone all night talking in group chat with those same two coworkers and if I try talking she is always like “what? Sorry I was just answering Abby.” I never got mad about it, or called her out until I was out of state and felt like she was being evasive but wouldn’t just say so. I would have gladly let her be if she didn’t want to talk. I’m not the monster everybody here is making me out to be even though she insisted I move out the second I got back home from out of state and hardly gave me an explanation of her feelings besides “I always feel like you’re miserable and that I don’t do enough and I just can’t mentally handle a miserable person around me.” Ironically I’m not even the miserable one going through a lot, she has been.
And lastly, a few mentioned she may be bipolar and I somewhat agree despite not being a professional, obviously. But what I said to her and will say here is if that is the case there’s no shame in having mental illness and I would encourage to seek further help if she thought she needed it. But she disagrees so I just don’t know. I feel like I half posted here to vent because i’m worried about her being alone because she was terrified to be when I left to work out of state due to the lingering trauma from her father, which again is not something i’m blaming her behavior on. I thought it may have contributed to a slowly deteriorating mental state because of her entire year before that.
The conversation went like this:
Me: Your setup looks really good, I hope you sell everything.
Her (49 minutes later): Thanks, me too.
Me: How is it going so far?
Her(39 min later): It’s alright. Everybody is inside and I’ve just been sitting her by myself.
Me: Oh, did they buy some stuff at least?
Her (12. min later): Yeah a little bit but not as much as I hoped.
Me: Is everything ok? You seem distant and said you weren’t busy.
Her (51 min later): Yeah i’m ok why?
Me: You’re just taking forever to answer me but told me you weren’t busy so i’m just asking.
Her (20 min later): I’m not taking long to answer you….
Me: It’s just like an hour until between, you said you’re just sitting there and when we’re home you’re glued to your phone. I don’t care about who you talk to or how much but I don’t really get the same respect sometimes and I’m out of state so i’m just trying to talk but it seems difficult like you don’t want to. If you don’t feel like it, it’s fine. You don’t owe me, I’m just making sure because I can’t be there.
Her (15 min later): I do want to talk to you why are you saying I don’t.
And it just escalated from there until she freaked out and went off. My responses where no more harsh as it went on but she acted like I was calling her a shitty person. But what I said is what annoyed me to begin with is when she gets home from work she sits on her phone all night talking in group chat with those same two coworkers and if I try talking she is always like “what? Sorry I was just answering Abby.” I never got mad about it, or called her out until I was out of state and felt like she was being evasive but wouldn’t just say so. I would have gladly let her be if she didn’t want to talk. I’m not the monster everybody here is making me out to be even though she insisted I move out the second I got back home from out of state and hardly gave me an explanation of her feelings besides “I always feel like you’re miserable and that I don’t do enough and I just can’t mentally handle a miserable person around me.” Ironically I’m not even the miserable one going through a lot, she has been.
And lastly, a few mentioned she may be bipolar and I somewhat agree despite not being a professional, obviously. But what I said to her and will say here is if that is the case there’s no shame in having mental illness and I would encourage to seek further help if she thought she needed it. But she disagrees so I just don’t know. I feel like I half posted here to vent because i’m worried about her being alone because she was terrified to be when I left to work out of state due to the lingering trauma from her father, which again is not something i’m blaming her behavior on. I thought it may have contributed to a slowly deteriorating mental state because of her entire year before that.
Yeah that’s game playing responding hours. But you should have just called if you don’t want that
None of your texts hinted you were trying to have a conversation....in fact, you had nothing to say! You wished her well and should have left it there. Unfortunately, you didn't.
The one time you actually asked a question, she answered it immediately. Yet you started to get passive aggressive with her. She reassured you, but you carried on with your guilt trip.
She reassured you again, and you still carried on with your guilt tripping attempts, this time about some older shit. You then passive aggressively insinuated that she doesn't respect you, and lied pretending it was fine by you!
She reassured you yet again, with the patience of an angel. Yet you carried on guilt tripping her, until she freaked out!
WTF was wrong with you, dude? Were you bored out of your mind, had nothing better to do apart from pestering her? She was in public, trying to sell stuff. The fact she wasn't selling much didn't mean she wasn't trying, or that she should have abandoned it to attend to her needy BF.
I don't remember what she was selling, but if it was homemade food, being constantly seen with the dirtiest object in her hand would have put buyers off. She texted you like 6 times, and that was before "she freaked out", supposedly by text as well. You could think yourself the nicest person in the word, yet you come across as passive aggressive, pathetic and annoying.
The one time you actually asked a question, she answered it immediately. Yet you started to get passive aggressive with her. She reassured you, but you carried on with your guilt trip.
She reassured you again, and you still carried on with your guilt tripping attempts, this time about some older shit. You then passive aggressively insinuated that she doesn't respect you, and lied pretending it was fine by you!
She reassured you yet again, with the patience of an angel. Yet you carried on guilt tripping her, until she freaked out!
WTF was wrong with you, dude? Were you bored out of your mind, had nothing better to do apart from pestering her? She was in public, trying to sell stuff. The fact she wasn't selling much didn't mean she wasn't trying, or that she should have abandoned it to attend to her needy BF.
I don't remember what she was selling, but if it was homemade food, being constantly seen with the dirtiest object in her hand would have put buyers off. She texted you like 6 times, and that was before "she freaked out", supposedly by text as well. You could think yourself the nicest person in the word, yet you come across as passive aggressive, pathetic and annoying.
Posted by ImperfectStormPosted by LadyNeptune
Sorry op I am predisposed to take her side because you are painting her in a bad light and using her mental break down and car accident as the reason why she is the problem here, not you. Where is the loyalty? The support?
In actuality your the one who picked a fight which escalated to the point where she said she wants to break up because you are "wearing her out mentally".
But you don't acknowledge your part here, you ironically are saying she is the one with the victim mentality who never admits her wrongs.
When if, you apologized and took a chill pill, she most likely would not be breaking up with you.
If you want to be done with the relationship then say that. Don't use her car accident and mental health against her as the reason, that's shady af.
I have experienced a car accident that fucked me up both physically and mentally. Its a hard thing. And to get healthy its not just a matter of meds and time to heal, you need real ass people who stand by you.
Your not that person for her.
Not to mention her dad just committed suicide 4 months ago. 4 months?! 🤯🤯🤯
I cannot even imagine losing the man who raised me in such a way. And then dude is over here crying like he’s the victim. OMG 🤯🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️click to expand
Ikr 😞 I can’t even imagine.
I actually think this was the real reason she “did a 180” (according to him) and ended things. Nothing scares you straight like loosing a loved one. Makes you take stock of your life and find the boldness to make a change. Life is too short.
Verbally getting my ass kicked here just made me realize you are all right. I don’t really agree with refusing to talk face to face and expecting me to move out when i’m not even in the state as being the healthiest way to break up, but I know she doesn’t owe me anything either.
About her father’s death; he wasn’t a father to her like the traditional sense. He was an addict most of her life, and was only healthy and present for a few years before his final 3 when he went into a depression after losing his job. She tried to help him countless times but hen refused and never returned her calls, etc. It’s irrelevant and awful for her to have gone through as well as what he went through, so like I said it wasn’t like an abrupt situation of someone that really loved her like most would think when father-daughter dynamics come up. Still, she felt guilty and although she said even during the breakup I was supporting her and a good support system through it all, I wasn’t. I guess I helped her mourn and after a few months I wanted things to be normal and acted like they were when on her end they just weren’t. I was selfish for thinking that and acting that way because going back to our text conversation-we talk that way back and forth all the time and it never affected anything, prior to her father’s death. It always ended up in a joking banter that we were just accustomed to because we hardly ever really fought, this time was just different because I hardly ever go out of state for work and just was not happy in the situation….again this wasn’t her fault.
As someone else here said: maybe her father’s passing was her wake up call to not waste the life she has. After posting here, I understand her side a bit better despite never being able to fully understand as i’m not her. I am at fault and I got what I deserved. I had lost my father when I was young and it just didn’t hit me as hard because he was similar to how her father had been, so I guess I just assumed she'd feel the same as I had but that is also selfish.
Im still not sure though relating to when she did this exact thing two years ago. There were no life-changing events and simply just toxic mutual friends telling her to break up with me because I stopped talking to all of them. It was that simple, nothing to do with text conversations like here. Thank you everybody for the revelation on how shitty I actually have been, seriously.
About her father’s death; he wasn’t a father to her like the traditional sense. He was an addict most of her life, and was only healthy and present for a few years before his final 3 when he went into a depression after losing his job. She tried to help him countless times but hen refused and never returned her calls, etc. It’s irrelevant and awful for her to have gone through as well as what he went through, so like I said it wasn’t like an abrupt situation of someone that really loved her like most would think when father-daughter dynamics come up. Still, she felt guilty and although she said even during the breakup I was supporting her and a good support system through it all, I wasn’t. I guess I helped her mourn and after a few months I wanted things to be normal and acted like they were when on her end they just weren’t. I was selfish for thinking that and acting that way because going back to our text conversation-we talk that way back and forth all the time and it never affected anything, prior to her father’s death. It always ended up in a joking banter that we were just accustomed to because we hardly ever really fought, this time was just different because I hardly ever go out of state for work and just was not happy in the situation….again this wasn’t her fault.
As someone else here said: maybe her father’s passing was her wake up call to not waste the life she has. After posting here, I understand her side a bit better despite never being able to fully understand as i’m not her. I am at fault and I got what I deserved. I had lost my father when I was young and it just didn’t hit me as hard because he was similar to how her father had been, so I guess I just assumed she'd feel the same as I had but that is also selfish.
Im still not sure though relating to when she did this exact thing two years ago. There were no life-changing events and simply just toxic mutual friends telling her to break up with me because I stopped talking to all of them. It was that simple, nothing to do with text conversations like here. Thank you everybody for the revelation on how shitty I actually have been, seriously.
Posted by spiritofjosh
Verbally getting my ass kicked here just made me realize you are all right. I don’t really agree with refusing to talk face to face and expecting me to move out when i’m not even in the state as being the healthiest way to break up, but I know she doesn’t owe me anything either.
About her father’s death; he wasn’t a father to her like the traditional sense. He was an addict most of her life, and was only healthy and present for a few years before his final 3 when he went into a depression after losing his job. She tried to help him countless times but hen refused and never returned her calls, etc. It’s irrelevant and awful for her to have gone through as well as what he went through, so like I said it wasn’t like an abrupt situation of someone that really loved her like most would think when father-daughter dynamics come up. Still, she felt guilty and although she said even during the breakup I was supporting her and a good support system through it all, I wasn’t. I guess I helped her mourn and after a few months I wanted things to be normal and acted like they were when on her end they just weren’t. I was selfish for thinking that and acting that way because going back to our text conversation-we talk that way back and forth all the time and it never affected anything, prior to her father’s death. It always ended up in a joking banter that we were just accustomed to because we hardly ever really fought, this time was just different because I hardly ever go out of state for work and just was not happy in the situation….again this wasn’t her fault.
As someone else here said: maybe her father’s passing was her wake up call to not waste the life she has. After posting here, I understand her side a bit better despite never being able to fully understand as i’m not her. I am at fault and I got what I deserved. I had lost my father when I was young and it just didn’t hit me as hard because he was similar to how her father had been, so I guess I just assumed she'd feel the same as I had but that is also selfish.
Im still not sure though relating to when she did this exact thing two years ago. There were no life-changing events and simply just toxic mutual friends telling her to break up with me because I stopped talking to all of them. It was that simple, nothing to do with text conversations like here. Thank you everybody for the revelation on how shitty I actually have been, seriously.
I don't think what happened was because of her father's death. I've lost my own father 3 weeks ago, unexpectedly. If anything, it made me slightly more appreciative of my male acquaintances, colleagues and relatives. Men are surprisingly more fragile than women when it comes to all sort of disease, including mental....... I'm going to rant a bit about my dad now, skip to the bottom if you prefer to avoid it.
My father was a typical Aqua (also with Aqua Venus and Mercury). Not too much involved in my upbringing, even absent during my teenage years, when he worked abroad. Not too bad either, for my independent spirit. We managed to build a good relationship later on. Probably the best time was three months ago, when we climbed mountains together. I have a strange, almost cinematographic recollection of that time. Could hear his voice, for example when he refereed to some calves as the "bovine youth". We laughed. Most of all, I remember feeling his energy, walking close to mines. Like I was very aware of his presence, even when my senses were not engaged. I can recall that feeling very well.
My dad didn't commit suicide. He died of Covid, after a 3-4 weeks horrible battle, affecting both his brain and lungs. Before he was in good health, carefree, protective of my mum, physically and somewhat professionally still active. He wanted to live and enjoy life. Yet in my eyes...he did commit suicide, by refusing the only thing that could have prevented his death....the vaccine. I do feel guilt about it...I asked myself every day what could I have done more to get him vaccinated...apart from booking appointments three times over 2021 (he didn't attend any of them) and mentioning it every time we spoke on the phone? Have I used the right words? Was I too clinical in my explanations? Was I too relaxed about it? Should I have tried other methods, like emotional manipulation?
Also...would it have been better to have kept him at home? Should I have come to see him when he was still at home, risking my own infection? Buy one of those portable oxygen concentrators, and fight my way with it through the airport security? He died weeks later, the moment I finally set my foot in the airport. Alone in a hospital, possible among medical staff in space suits. Unable to speak to us for the past two weeks. Mum was not allowed to see him, until he was dying and fell in a coma...she got permission for a no-touch, 15 min near his bed, but she refused to go. What did the doctors do to rescue him? Did they do enough? Or did they make things worse? Why were they avoided my calls? I was so paranoid once because of that, that I almost called the police on them...it took me days to calm myself down afterwards, to see sense...and to admit defeat...that was nothing I could do for him anymore.
The day he died I woke up with the same strange feeling I had the day his mother (my beloved grandma) died. A sense of relief, supreme peace and happiness that was quite inappropriate for the situation I was in, the turmoil of the previous weeks. I knew he was gone. What could anyone say to take my regret away? Absolutely nothing! I heard it all. The way I grieve is between me and dad. Sometimes I am surprised how much I enjoy life, like nothing happened. Other times it hits me out of the blue, like when watching a film called "Man in love" the other day, and it came to a scene where the protagonist dies in a hospital...I had to pause it, because I started sobbing uncontrollably....
Back to you now. Always try to put yourself in your girlfriend shoes. See the details through her eyes, feel what she's feeling. It's called empathy, and is very important for romantic relationship. It is said that people who don't feel empathy are unable to fall in love, they only feel some sort of unsustainable obsession. If your GF is angry at you, it's most likely because she cares about you, but you went way too far. In her eyes, you became a monster that she didn't recognise as her boyfriend. The only way to get rid of that monster who took over her BF, was to get rid of you. You could have stopped her from breaking up with you, if only you would have stopped yourself and said "I'm sorry".
Posted by UndinePosted by spiritofjosh
Verbally getting my ass kicked here just made me realize you are all right. I don’t really agree with refusing to talk face to face and expecting me to move out when i’m not even in the state as being the healthiest way to break up, but I know she doesn’t owe me anything either.
About her father’s death; he wasn’t a father to her like the traditional sense. He was an addict most of her life, and was only healthy and present for a few years before his final 3 when he went into a depression after losing his job. She tried to help him countless times but hen refused and never returned her calls, etc. It’s irrelevant and awful for her to have gone through as well as what he went through, so like I said it wasn’t like an abrupt situation of someone that really loved her like most would think when father-daughter dynamics come up. Still, she felt guilty and although she said even during the breakup I was supporting her and a good support system through it all, I wasn’t. I guess I helped her mourn and after a few months I wanted things to be normal and acted like they were when on her end they just weren’t. I was selfish for thinking that and acting that way because going back to our text conversation-we talk that way back and forth all the time and it never affected anything, prior to her father’s death. It always ended up in a joking banter that we were just accustomed to because we hardly ever really fought, this time was just different because I hardly ever go out of state for work and just was not happy in the situation….again this wasn’t her fault.
As someone else here said: maybe her father’s passing was her wake up call to not waste the life she has. After posting here, I understand her side a bit better despite never being able to fully understand as i’m not her. I am at fault and I got what I deserved. I had lost my father when I was young and it just didn’t hit me as hard because he was similar to how her father had been, so I guess I just assumed she'd feel the same as I had but that is also selfish.
Im still not sure though relating to when she did this exact thing two years ago. There were no life-changing events and simply just toxic mutual friends telling her to break up with me because I stopped talking to all of them. It was that simple, nothing to do with text conversations like here. Thank you everybody for the revelation on how shitty I actually have been, seriously.
I don't think what happened was because of her father's death. I've lost my own father 3 weeks ago, unexpectedly. If anything, it made me slightly more appreciative of my male acquaintances, colleagues and relatives. Men are surprisingly more fragile than women when it comes to all sort of disease, including mental....... I'm going to rant a bit about my dad now, skip to the bottom if you prefer to avoid it.
My father was a typical Aqua (also with Aqua Venus and Mercury). Not too much involved in my upbringing, even absent during my teenage years, when he worked abroad. Not too bad either, for my independent spirit. We managed to build a good relationship later on. Probably the best time was three months ago, when we climbed mountains together. I have a strange, almost cinematographic recollection of that time. Could hear his voice, for example when he refereed to some calves as the "bovine youth". We laughed. Most of all, I remember feeling his energy, walking close to mines. Like I was very aware of his presence, even when my senses were not engaged. I can recall that feeling very well.
My dad didn't commit suicide. He died of Covid, after a 3-4 weeks horrible battle, affecting both his brain and lungs. Before he was in good health, carefree, protective of my mum, physically and somewhat professionally still active. He wanted to live and enjoy life. Yet in my eyes...he did commit suicide, by refusing the only thing that could have prevented his death....the vaccine. I do feel guilt about it...I asked myself every day what could I have done more to get him vaccinated...apart from booking appointments three times over 2021 (he didn't attend any of them) and mentioning it every time we spoke on the phone? Have I used the right words? Was I too clinical in my explanations? Was I too relaxed about it? Should I have tried other methods, like emotional manipulation?
Also...would it have been better to have kept him at home? Should I have come to see him when he was still at home, risking my own infection? Buy one of those portable oxygen concentrators, and fight my way with it through the airport security? He died weeks later, the moment I finally set my foot in the airport. Alone in a hospital, possible among medical staff in space suits. Unable to speak to us for the past two weeks. Mum was not allowed to see him, until he was dying and fell in a coma...she got permission for a no-touch, 15 min near his bed, but she refused to go. What did the doctors do to rescue him? Did they do enough? Or did they make things worse? Why were they avoided my calls? I was so paranoid once because of that, that I almost called the police on them...it took me days to calm myself down afterwards, to see sense...and to admit defeat...that was nothing I could do for him anymore.
The day he died I woke up with the same strange feeling I had the day his mother (my beloved grandma) died. A sense of relief, supreme peace and happiness that was quite inappropriate for the situation I was in, the turmoil of the previous weeks. I knew he was gone. What could anyone say to take my regret away? Absolutely nothing! I heard it all. The way I grieve is between me and dad. Sometimes I am surprised how much I enjoy life, like nothing happened. Other times it hits me out of the blue, like when watching a film called "Man in love" the other day, and it came to a scene where the protagonist dies in a hospital...I had to pause it, because I started sobbing uncontrollably....
Back to you now. Always try to put yourself in your girlfriend shoes. See the details through her eyes, feel what she's feeling. It's called empathy, and is very important for romantic relationship. It is said that people who don't feel empathy are unable to fall in love, they only feel some sort of unsustainable obsession. If your GF is angry at you, it's most likely because she cares about you, but you went way too far. In her eyes, you became a monster that she didn't recognise as her boyfriend. The only way to get rid of that monster who took over her BF, was to get rid of you. You could have stopped her from breaking up with you, if only you would have stopped yourself and said "I'm sorry".click to expand
I’m incredibly sorry to hear about your loss. I’m even more sorry that it happened the way it did. Last year someone who wasn’t technically my father, but who acted like it almost my whole life, passed away in the hospital the exact same way with my Mother there with him…from afar. He surprisingly didn’t have covid, but his failing health lead him there and because of covid nobody could get near him and I never really got to say goodbye because they would only let my mom in. I wrote him a letter a while before because i’m better at expressing myself in written form than verbal because I tend to forget things I want to say but just wanted to tell him thank you for being who he was for me and my mom. He was grateful and brought to tears so I guess in a way that was “goodbye in case I can’t say it when the time does come.”
When my mom told me he passed away I was at work and felt numb as if it was “about time” because he had been suffering through so much for so long. It didn’t hit me until later really but to compare to what my ex had gone through I still cannot imagine. I have always taken death as something expected and something I always accepted as I heard of it. I guess in a way I believed after 4 months my ex would feel similar but didn’t and I just didn’t show empathy like she wanted me to and I just don’t know why other than how insecure I am. I spoke with a therapist but since I have to move now i’ll arrange something after this week once I move into my new apartment…2 floors down from where I lived with my ex and where she is staying.
I’m staying at my moms for the week and we talked about why I messed it up with my ex and we talked about my entire life you until I met her and how I just set myself up for disaster. My whole life being surrounded by narcissistic “best friends” and my first long-term girlfriend who just stabbed me in the back over and over, lied to me and made sure to knock me down a peg if I ever achieved anything they didn’t. It’s no wonder I grew to feel like I had to constantly protect myself until I could no longer feel vulnerable to those I loved. My ex always told me all she wanted was for me to let my guard down, open up and be vulnerable because she would never hurt me but I never could fully because i’ve been told that before by my first long-term girlfriend. She (current ex) had always been strong to handle it but after her father and the year prior her mental strength just weakened and I guess that all added up and here we are.
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