Maianm's Breakdown (Page 11)

thats waiting. Patience is when you wait without grumbling, you dont lose sight or desire for what you are waiting for, and you dont get caught up in other things. Be not weary in well doing. Let nasty betches get what they're going to get because they will never get or be deserving of what you are building yourself to get. Remember no guy you want would want that, so they arent even getting what you want, they're just getting something

notso - this is one of my favorite quotes: "astrology is not the law - god is the law - astrology is the rules - and rules can be broken"

I think it is patience - I think if I were not patient I would have given up. I don't give up, but that doesn't mean I can't break down now and then. I won't resign myself to settling for someone or something that is not what I really want in my heart.

thats almost the exact thing I said to my friend when we were having the rejection convo, so believe I know exactly where you're coming from. If you want a man that will look at you for your values and self respect then you'll most likely have to wait for a man to mature before he even wants that, thats just the truth

what? on his death bed? apparently maturity doesn't come with age anymore - my pisces ex is 34

in fact - cancer just truned 28

ummm yeah thats kinda the idea. Men never mature by age lol thats usually a female thing and thats not even true of all women

mine just turned 27 and his mind and intellect are very mature but he still acts like a 13 year old sometimes...I dont know if men ever really mature

I wonder if some signs mature faster than others....

then what is it exactly that I'm waiting for ?

The right maturity for you. The compatible level of maturity

you are allergic to rules aren't you ??

that just doesn't make sense to me..... why is it men can act maturely with other women but when they get to me they act like teenagers at best?

Angel I doubt they were acting maturely with the other women just that you require more than the other woman so you have a harder time with them.

its not a lateral move so he seems inadequate when he gets to the pros

fine then - I don't want to be me anymore, how's that?

sometime's I wish I had the capacity to be immature - ignorance is bliss.....

it's true notso that some people NEVER mature, but I assume SOME do.... so where are they —

Ive had ex's leave me because they said I was just toooo hard and too demanding, but the truth was that they were lazy and selfish in relationships, never understansing give and take, devotion, loyalty and compromise. So then they think they're going to get someone like me at a cheaper price and it just aint happenin the same is probably true of you. Someone will see the value in you and be willing to pay the cost to keep you.

"its not a lateral move so he seems inadequate when he gets to the pros"
I don't treat them like they're inadequate - I certainly didn't treat "him" that way !

I'm sure you are right - the problem is, in the meantime I have to be lonely and miserable.... and it just doesn't seem fair....

then dont be lonely or miserable, thats a choice you get to make. and it isnt that you treat him inadequately its that he cant give you what you want so yall dont stay together.

not being lonely and miserable isn't a choice - I could go out and pretend I'm having a blast - but I'm not..... I keep WWWAAAYYY too much bottled up inside - that's how I end up here at 1 am dipping into LS' negativity dust and feeling sorry for myself....

you dont have to tell a man hes inadequate for him to know he isnt pleasing you.

I don't think I've ever given any man that impression - and there's no way I could have given cancer that impression.

it is a choice. Its not about pretending. find something or someone that makes you feel better, less lonely, something that distracts you from the fact that you're alone something that you enjoy doing alone and do it. There is no pretend involved. Im with a Cancer and there are a lot of times that Im alone because they need alone time...so even in a relationship I've got to know that I can be content on my own

im not talkin bout cancer im talking about exs that acted like teenagers with you.

its crazy Im telling you a lot of things my own friends have told me during my catharsis. Stop thinking so hard and let things happen ( my best Cap friend tells me that all the time).

and dont keep it bottled. Write poetry, journal, paint, draw, go for walks and whatnot. Get it out and then move on. Feel bad, feel lonely, cry, out, whatever, then move on.

Im lonely when Im by myself (most of the time) and I dont like it whatsoever, but I deal with it and move on. Lonliness isnt so much about without a man as it is without companion, man or otherwise

but it's different because even when he needs to be alone you know he's thinking about you and missing you - I can't help thinking about cancer and missing him and it makes me sooooo mad at myself because I start thinking that HE'S not thinking about ME so why am I thinking about him??

see what I mean ? I keep so much inside once it gets out I can't stop it..... I hate feeling this way......

its called a catharsis, its ok, it needs to come out anyway so let it out. Just next time get it out before it overloads and explodes.

And sometimes I do think he isnt thinking about me or missing me. He's very busy and his life is very full of people and things to do, a lot of times I imagine he isnt and Im just another bother and whatnot. So his alone time isnt always peachy for me. The only time I know is when he's done and he comes back and he tells me he's been thinking about me and missing me, but by that time I've had to sit and deal with my feelings so Im getting better at it. I think that might be the purpose of your singleness. Maybe you need to learn to be more comfy with your feelings and to control them and confront them and put your mind at ease even when things arent going how you'd like them to.

"don't you know how to enjoy life and yourself without a man"

tell me something - what do you consider the purpose of your life if not to share the things that you enjoy with someone you love? no I'm not happy alone - when something makes me happy I want to share it with someone special.When I enjoy doing something I want to share it with that person.
Not everyone is made to enjoy spending time alone - just like some people need thir "freedom" and others don't. We are not all made the same way. I can't enjoy the things that make me happy when I have no one to share them with - they become pointless.

and so what if you're thinking about him and he isnt thinking about you. He doesnt know you're thinking about him either so its not like he's laughing at you

"And sometimes I do think he isnt thinking about me or missing me. He's very busy and his life is very full of people and things to do"

there's a difference between sometimes and NEVER. It is a horrible feeling knowing that no one is thinking about you and loving you and missing you - EVER.

I don't like instability in my life and people coming and going - friends, even family, when they have someone they are too busy for you - my best friend does it - when she has a boyfriend she's so wrapped up in her relationship that she doesn't have time for anything else - and I don't blame her - it feels good to have someone special to spend your time with - but that is why a signifigant other is so important - they are the one you share your life with.

I'm not worried about him laughing at me - I just hate the fact that I care so much about someone who doesn't care about me.

"but by that time I've had to sit and deal with my feelings so Im getting better at it."

okay....well imagine feeling that way for two years.....magnify those horrible feelings by like a million.....
I know how to keep my emotions in control, there is such a HUGE difference between being alone sometimes when you're in a relationship and just plain being alone. When you are in a relationship you are never REALLY alone.

believe me I know exactly where you're coming from. You might not want to read something so seemingly cold, but it will pass. The feelings of lonliness, being alone, being sad about being alone, it will pass. You might cry yourself to sleep tonight then wake up in a good mood, who knows why, but just let it out and be ok with feeling how you feel because denying it wont make it go away. Just dont dwell on it and fall into a "woe is me" because things could always be worse

Angel, Ive been alone for most of my life, and honestly sometimes I enjoyed it sometimes it bothered me, but either way I know that ups and downs come with the territory about being discriminating about who I hang out with and what I do. With such high standards for myself I have to accept that there arent a lot of people that meet them

and what can't I offer myself? I have my life together - EVERYTHING - except having someone to share it with.. When I have a good day or something good happens I want to pick up the phone and call someone - but not just anyone - someone who will be just as excited about it because they love me and we share our lives together.

I can have all the hobbies in the world and all the friends I could possibly handle and still not be happy because it just isn't the same.

with God you're never really alone. I know this might sound crazy, but try praying an hour everyday, just a convo with God. Not a prayer like at church but really praying asking God about things that have happened to you about why you're the way you are about things that you try not to do but do, about relationships with people around you...I guarantee you that once you do that then you'll feel less and less lonely because your mind will be so full of him revealing answers to you that you wont be able to stop and think about lonliness

I do that every day - I don't feel any better......

you pray an hour everyday?

probably more than that if you added up all the time I stop at any given point during the day....

how can you pray an hour everyday and not feel better! Its like an instant pick up for me.

no i dont mean stopping and praying little by little, i mean like sitting down for an hour and having a conversation with God.

because when all is said and done I feel like no one's listening - I don't mean like I question whether god exists - I know he does - I just don't think he listens to ME .

I know what you mean - I do thatgranted somtimes maybe a half hour, but other times maybe a couple of hours.

maybe you feel that way because you dont sit long enough for him to answer which would mean you're not listening to him...or you take for granted the answers that he gives you.

Emotions are waves of ups and downs just ride them and try to see the purpose in all of them. God never gives you more than you can bare so if you feel like you cant bare what hes given then you need more tools not less life. Tools are patience, endurance, joy, peace, faith and the like. So work on you during alone time.