How controlling are Caps in a relationship?

I find my male Cap to say* he wants to co-lead, but in reality, he is not flexible and subtly controls the direction of the relationship. It's kind of his way or the high-way, and if he's going along with someone else, he'll make damned sure they know he's not pleased about it.

Any thoughts or experiences?

Caps that I know so far are bit like "my way or highway" stuff.

I still have them around as friends, but that's where they will be staying 🙂

Most Cardinal (Leader) signs are like that.

'cos... control freaks :p

talk to them logically why your way is better way - they will give that goat look/smile of their's and give in... well, 20% chances they will :p

20% chances they will wait and watch and see why your way is better of which 60% of the times they turn out to be correct(unless you are a fellow earth sign, then things could change a little)

60% chances they will not accept in first place (they KNOW it's not best option) 😛



Capricorn should've been fixed sign. But more than stubbornness they know how to inspire/lead/command authority - and that is why they are cardinal.

does your Cap have Aqua placements OP? it can make them very stubborn. "my way or highway" type

I find Caps controlling. And as others have said, throw tantrums otherwise.

Hahaha, it's this aspect of the relationship that I guess he Hated The Most! Trying to control me and learning that I won't budge. I made it clear to him that when he's soft and sweet, he and only he can make me melt, 'coz most of the guys can't keep me attracted even for a minute or two. But still, he preferred to be the real decision maker. Every time he'd discover that I'd either not let it happen or I'll want it to be 'mutual', he'd seem to lose his nuts!

I clearly told him that I'll never sacrifice my self respect in the name of love. He absolutely hated me for that. And he blamed me of the same thing - "you always want everything your way!". Haha, that was for telling that things should be mutual. He does have some really attractive traits, but no way will I budge. In fact, men who try to boss are the greatest repellers and lack courage. They're 'cardinal'? Well, I'm a fixed fire sign. 🙂

Posted by InLoveWithLife
... men who try to boss are the greatest repellers and lack courage.

Sorry to break it to you but there's a LOT of women ...even the strong, independent types...who actually prefer men who boss. It's biology. A huge turn on for them. Maybe not for you, but your Cap will likely fall into the arms of another woman who actually prefers men who boss.

Posted by BeoWulf

Posted by InLoveWithLife
... men who try to boss are the greatest repellers and lack courage.

Sorry to break it to you but there's a LOT of women ...even the strong, independent types...who actually prefer men who boss. It's biology. A huge turn on for them. Maybe not for you, but your Cap will likely fall into the arms of another woman who actually prefers men who boss.

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Well, you don't have to 'break it to me'. I do know many such females, including the strong ones, who fall for men who love to boss around. But I guess I'm just not part of the lot. Many men have told me so.

I don't know. This could be a repelling factor for men? But I can't accept anyone less than an equal. In the case of friends, I don't mind submissive people. But when it comes to 'my man', I want him to be an equal. Neither submissive (that would seem unmanly, only in his case, not in the case of male friends) nor domineering (that would seem so non-gentlemanly, lol, and love would soon turn into a battle "I'll show you! ")!

I know that I'm way too demanding in this area, but I guess that's the only kind of man I'll ever fall for! 🙂

Posted by Capri-sun
Examples?

Was that question for me? If that's the case, examples for what?

Thanks for all the replies so far.

I will reply in detail after work.

Controlling? Last thing I would want to do. I want you to be yourself-- that way I can figure if I really like you- vs not who I would like you to be. However, I do I have Venus in Aqua sooo...

Posted by Rabiosa
havent experienced this yet from capricorn

being with a capricorn is like having someone you can tell every detail of your day to without feeling like youre being clingy or boring

its such a great feeling

Co sign

very but its for your own good

Posted by CAPRILICIOUS

Posted by Rabiosa
havent experienced this yet from capricorn

being with a capricorn is like having someone you can tell every detail of your day to without feeling like youre being clingy or boring

its such a great feeling

I agree! Among all signs, I think Cap men make the best listeners.

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Yes and they don't forget so be careful what you tell them!

Posted by cheekyfaerie

Posted by RumiL
does your Cap have Aqua placements OP? it can make them very stubborn. "my way or highway" type

Chance and Daron don't particularly come off like that and I know I'm not. The only way I'll lead is if you've proven untrustworthy to do anything but follow. And I hate that.

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+1

Or I'll take the lead if you hesitate too much. I will always ask for your input but waffling can only go on but for so long.

Posted by SunMoonStars
I find my male Cap to say* he wants to co-lead, but in reality, he is not flexible and subtly controls the direction of the relationship. It's kind of his way or the high-way, and if he's going along with someone else, he'll make damned sure they know he's not pleased about it.

Any thoughts or experiences?

Was "involved' with a Cap on and off. Extremely controlling, but he was younger then he may be different now. Flipped his lid at me going anywhere esp if i hadnt informed him-even if it was just coffee with the girls.



Mentioned in the circumstances of marriage didnt want me to work and "wanted me to be for him only, at home waiting for him to return" I showed up at the club one night, trying to keep things spicy ya know surprise him ina good way, was super excited to see him-he walked over and bit my face and called me a bitch! LOL! wtf! Needless to say this one didnt last long!

Posted by RumiL
does your Cap have Aqua placements OP? it can make them very stubborn. "my way or highway" type

Sigh, yes. He has Aqua Moon and he's a Cap/Aqua cusper.

Posted by Capri-sun

Posted by InLoveWithLife

Posted by Capri-sun
Examples?

Was that question for me? If that's the case, examples for what?

Question was for you or OP. Examples of a cap being controlling in a relationship.

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I don't know if it was just this one guy or if it's a Cap trait. He seemed to be more like the passive aggressive type, whereas I'm openly aggressive even in expressing my love.

It's as though he strongly wanted the relationship to proceed Only in the direction he chooses and Only at the pace he prefers. He'd say things like "we'll take one step at a time", but there'd also be times when he'd get really intimate. Doesn't a relationship involve two people? But he made sure that he was never available for open discussions. I think it sort of made him uncomfortable, but still moving at his pace and letting him be the sole decision maker (regarding everything, like when we'd meet, how we'd spend time, when he likes to be left alone, when he wants me to get close) was too... Ugh! Hated it!

Also, he hated arguments. He'd wait for the right moment to point fingers at me, but when I give him logical reasons as to what made me behave like that, he wouldn't listen. Is he the master and me a pet or what? Such things would make me furious and I'd give him back in my own ways. During such times, he'd block me one day, unblock me a few days later, and not respond and act cold.

But I guess that's just immaturity. Don't know if he'll ever outgrow it or not. 🙂

Posted by Capri-sun

Posted by InLoveWithLife

Posted by Capri-sun

Posted by InLoveWithLife

Posted by Capri-sun
Examples?

Was that question for me? If that's the case, examples for what?

Question was for you or OP. Examples of a cap being controlling in a relationship.

I don't know if it was just this one guy or if it's a Cap trait. He seemed to be more like the passive aggressive type, whereas I'm openly aggressive even in expressing my love.

It's as though he strongly wanted the relationship to proceed Only in the direction he chooses and Only at the pace he prefers. He'd say things like "we'll take one step at a time", but there'd also be times when he'd get really intimate. Doesn't a relationship involve two people? But he made sure that he was never available for open discussions. I think it sort of made him uncomfortable, but still moving at his pace and letting him be the sole decision maker (regarding everything, like when we'd meet, how we'd spend time, when he likes to be left alone, when he wants me to get close) was too... Ugh! Hated it!

Also, he hated arguments. He'd wait for the right moment to point fingers at me, but when I give him logical reasons as to what made me behave like that, he wouldn't listen. Is he the master and me a pet or what? Such things would make me furious and I'd give him back in my own ways. During such times, he'd block me one day, unblock me a few days later, and not respond and act cold.

But I guess that's just immaturity. Don't know if he'll ever outgrow it or not. 🙂

Immaturity, or just the way he deals with things *shrug*

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Is that the typical Cap way? I don't know. Just asking.

Posted by SunMoonStars

Posted by RumiL
does your Cap have Aqua placements OP? it can make them very stubborn. "my way or highway" type

Sigh, yes. He has Aqua Moon and he's a Cap/Aqua cusper.

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i'd say cap sun aqua moon is typically more rebellious than controlling. the more controlling and demanding you are, the more difficult and tough i become

all my relationships are/were with minimal friction or even friction free except the 1st aaassshoolee lol only lasted 2 months. had to leave before someone ended up in the hospital lol

Posted by Scuffles

Posted by SunMoonStars
I find my male Cap to say* he wants to co-lead, but in reality, he is not flexible and subtly controls the direction of the relationship. It's kind of his way or the high-way, and if he's going along with someone else, he'll make damned sure they know he's not pleased about it.

Any thoughts or experiences?

My mother is a Capricorn. Yes, she's a control freak and loves to micro-manage on things. Most of the time, she wants it her way or the highway...makes me rebel more against her though 😛

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Darn Virgos.

Out of everyone, my Virgo sister is probably hardest for me to control. She use to live with me, and I find that we Caps can get crazy when it comes to our space...so that's when I finally show a controlling side, however, I couldn't get that girl to do much of nothing. I'd do all the cleaning and basically all of the paying the bills, then I'd watch her daughter(my niece). It felt like I was getting pimped in my own place. She wouldn't start cleaning until I'd have visions of me choking her constantly running through my mind. Its like her timing was always perfect then.

Posted by LibraLovesHim

Posted by SunMoonStars
I find my male Cap to say* he wants to co-lead, but in reality, he is not flexible and subtly controls the direction of the relationship. It's kind of his way or the high-way, and if he's going along with someone else, he'll make damned sure they know he's not pleased about it.

Any thoughts or experiences?

Was "involved' with a Cap on and off. Extremely controlling, but he was younger then he may be different now. Flipped his lid at me going anywhere esp if i hadnt informed him-even if it was just coffee with the girls.



Mentioned in the circumstances of marriage didnt want me to work and "wanted me to be for him only, at home waiting for him to return" I showed up at the club one night, trying to keep things spicy ya know surprise him ina good way, was super excited to see him-he walked over and bit my face and called me a bitch! LOL! wtf! Needless to say this one didnt last long!

click to expand

So which Cardinal Cap or Aries you more for now that you experience both?

Posted by SunMoonStars
I find my male Cap to say* he wants to co-lead, but in reality, he is not flexible and subtly controls the direction of the relationship. It's kind of his way or the high-way, and if he's going along with someone else, he'll make damned sure they know he's not pleased about it.

Any thoughts or experiences?

My advice would be to let him take the lead, but offer helpful and practical arguments if you feel things should move in a different direction...

I just watched this video and thought of this post. Cap and Sag sisters.

I'd say Caps are more stubborn than Aries, if that puts it into any sort of perspective.

Posted by BeoWulf

Posted by InLoveWithLife
... men who try to boss are the greatest repellers and lack courage.

Sorry to break it to you but there's a LOT of women ...even the strong, independent types...who actually prefer men who boss. It's biology. A huge turn on for them. Maybe not for you, but your Cap will likely fall into the arms of another woman who actually prefers men who boss.

click to expand

Yes, you are right. I have always preferred for relationships Caps, They usually like to take the role of head of house hold. The ones I know they like to have a family and are very hardworking to bring the money home. So. if you wanna live with a Cap and still go out with your girlies every weekend that's not gonna work out. you may think they are possesive, but they just see it as a bad image of a family.

But this doesn't mean that you're gonna be a housewife. they want a sucessful woman who can still be independent but they will give her everything.

My cousin is like this. She's a cap sun and aqua rising. Sigh.

She senses I'm quite mutable and immediately equals that to helplessness. But if she notices I'm unhappy she suggests an idea of mine, and almost mockingly agrees to it.

She's very demanding and controlling, whereas I really just wanna keep the peace and harmony, so that's why I usually just go along w what she's saying. She senses that I'm too easygoing and it disturbs her when she realizes how overbearing she's being.

I can make decisions and such just fine, but not in such a stifling environment where it seems almost bad to think freely. It makes me nervous and on edge.

I love her but sometimes :/

...*sighs*

here is how to defeat the control freak Cap.

TALK TO THEM. Ask them do they feel like if nobody does it the exact way they want it, that things won't happen and get done? Ask them do they have any faith that you can function as a responsible adult! A

Ask them what behaviors make them want to take over a project, etc and lead it.

tell them stories on how you got things done in the past and are currently getting stuff done in the present. You want equality and respect? Show you're worthy of it. We have a subconscious fear of things going to hell and having to be the one to clean up everything. Show us that fear is irrational when it comes to you!

I, for the life of me, can not seriously see myself being in a relationship where I felt that they couldn't function unless I ran there life! If anything, we'd show what we brought to the table, split up who does what and then get business done. I have work, ambitions and groups that need me to "run" things \, I have no desire to run someone else's life unless they're a child and can't function without me.

Seriously, if they're super controlling, they'll likely also super fearful that everything will fall about without them managing the tiniest detail. Prove them wrong or encourage them to start a project or something where they can channel all that controlling bullshit elsewhere instead of on you.

I was once very close to a Cap. We had been close friends for a few years but our friendship ended because of her actions. This happened when i was staying with her before i could find my own place. Everything was okay during my stay at her place. However when it was time for me to move out, i told her i was looking for an apartment and hoped i would be out of her place by the end of the month. She told me it would be a better idea to move into her rental. That i shouldn't move into an apartment because it is hassle and more expensive.

Now, let me tell you, her rental is an older home that was very very unkempt. The place was a mess!!!! She was very reluctant to doing repairs on the house. She had tenants living there and i honestly don't know how these people lived in that house but they did.

So she tells me to move in because she needs one more tenant but i politely declined and told her NO directly. She kept insisting on and on even when i told her an apartment would be a better fit for me. This went on for a few minutes. She just couldn't let it go. Later i am talking about my decision and i quickly glance at her and she has the most evil look in her eyes. This girl had so much rage in her eyes.....I couldn't believe what i saw. It startled me so much. It scared me so much to this day. I have never seen anyone look at me like that.

She said a few words that i don't remember and quickly walked away. I was confused by her reaction. She was so angry. I think in her mind she had made up a plan of me moving in. When it backfired, i had to see her wrath.

She became passive aggressive from then on wards. She was so cold to me. I tried talking to her a few times before i left but she would give me the silent treatment. She would sometimes give me a look of disdain. She was a completely different person. She didn't stop there. She went on talking behind my back to some of our mutual friends. She told many lies to these people i could not believe my ears. These same people conspired with her and tried bringing me down. They started insulting me and making racist comments. Unbelievable!!! At this point, i mentally cut her off. There is no excuse for such verbal abuse. I gave up. I didn't want anything to do with her. All this unnecessary tension for nothing.

I distanced myself and moved out when my apartment was ready. She has been trying to get a hold of me several times asking for a meet up. She communicates like she doesnot know what she did. Acting like nothing happened. I am not looking back.

With the caps i have come across, i have found they need to do a lot of inner self work. Many of them are so conflicted or repressed emotionally and end up reacting in bizarre ways. Unstable emotions can lead to controlling impulses because one is out of balance. These inner conflicts make them get depressed or hard to deal with overtime. I have met two who took control of their lives and did extensive self work (they told me). Very pleasant to be around, i have learnt a lot from them.

Evolved Capricorns are true gems in my opinion.

"but i politely declined and told her NO directly"

Hearing the word "NO" directly isnt so polite to some of us, then you capitalized both letters to kind of emphasize the impact. Basically, sounds to me like she didn't like how you declined her offer. I think it's possibly even why she went on and on about it. I mean honestly, you were staying with her...needed her(which puts you in a place in her mind), she gives you an offer and you directly decline and continue on about what you are going to do(which out you in another place in her mind). She was calling you the b word when she was looking at you. She couldn't deal with the conflicting emotions of how she viewed you and how direct you were being. She was having a mean streak.

I read someone calling us particular. When I first started one of my jobs the lady said she could tell I was particular. Sometimes we have to be dealt with a certain way.

When my Cap friend would want to know if I'd ever move in to his property I'd be like boy no, and joke about it. He'd get that I meant it.

This is just my opinion on the situation anyway.

Posted by lnana04
"but i politely declined and told her NO directly"

Hearing the word "NO" directly isnt so polite to some of us, then you capitalized both letters to kind of emphasize the impact. Basically, sounds to me like she didn't like how you declined her offer. I think it's possibly even why she went on and on about it. I mean honestly, you were staying with her...needed her(which puts you in a place in her mind), she gives you an offer and you directly decline and continue on about what you are going to do(which out you in another place in her mind). She was calling you the b word when she was looking at you. She couldn't deal with the conflicting emotions of how she viewed you and how direct you were being. She was having a mean streak.

I read someone calling us particular. When I first started one of my jobs the lady said she could tell I was particular. Sometimes we have to be dealt with a certain way.

When my Cap friend would want to know if I'd ever move in to his property I'd be like boy no, and joke about it. He'd get that I meant it.

This is just my opinion on the situation anyway.

Please tell us how to deal with Caps in a "certain way".

With my Cap, he says something is OK but actually secretly doesn't. Then he'll passive aggressively give the silent treatment and throw a tantrum after the fact.

WHY do Caps do this?

Posted by ITSCAPLOCK

Posted by SunMoonStars
With my Cap, he says something is OK but actually secretly doesn't. Then he'll passive aggressively give the silent treatment and throw a tantrum after the fact.

WHY do Caps do this?

What's his moon sign and your moon sign ?

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He is Aqua moon, I am Leo moon.

Posted by SunMoonStars
With my Cap, he says something is OK but actually secretly doesn't. Then he'll passive aggressively give the silent treatment and throw a tantrum after the fact.

WHY do Caps do this?

Because they tool is a manipulation and so desperately want their way. Very selfish creatures

Yes. Stand your ground, self respect, maintain your boundaries

Posted by InLoveWithLife

Posted by BeoWulf

Posted by InLoveWithLife
... men who try to boss are the greatest repellers and lack courage.

Sorry to break it to you but there's a LOT of women ...even the strong, independent types...who actually prefer men who boss. It's biology. A huge turn on for them. Maybe not for you, but your Cap will likely fall into the arms of another woman who actually prefers men who boss.

Well, you don't have to 'break it to me'. I do know many such females, including the strong ones, who fall for men who love to boss around. But I guess I'm just not part of the lot. Many men have told me so.

I don't know. This could be a repelling factor for men? But I can't accept anyone less than an equal. In the case of friends, I don't mind submissive people. But when it comes to 'my man', I want him to be an equal. Neither submissive (that would seem unmanly, only in his case, not in the case of male friends) nor domineering (that would seem so non-gentlemanly, lol, and love would soon turn into a battle "I'll show you! ")!

I know that I'm way too demanding in this area, but I guess that's the only kind of man I'll ever fall for! 🙂

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I happen to have kids by a leo and im a capricorn so this is actually our problem, he like to be the one that runs shit but i am the 1 that wants to split the whole power. we seperated in 2011 and i did everything on my own which i believed was what pissed him off cuz i wouldnt call him and ask anymore i decided to let the court tell us who was right and he ended up having to pay wayyy more than what i was asking every month. moral of what im saying without trust aint no way in the hell it'll work out he has to trust your way and you have to trust his way, which is very hard for fire or earth to do period but thats where compromise come in otherwise if you have kids yall gone need a mediator