SagiSun, AquaRising, LeoMoon, LibraMars+Venus
@SunMoonStars
11 Years1,000+ Posts
Comments: 1 · Posts: 1685 · Topics: 200
How to be likable but not get taken advantage of
Saying "no" when you need to say no.
Stop worrying about appeasing others and know how to set your boundaries.
Stop worrying about appeasing others and know how to set your boundaries.
I think my rising is a Libra but it's likely since I have this problem...
Don't care too much about what others think and make sure your needs are being met too. Don't feel like you need to give in to people who don't give anything back to you.
Don't care too much about what others think and make sure your needs are being met too. Don't feel like you need to give in to people who don't give anything back to you.
Posted by sagsagsagGood to know that it's not just me. Sometimes I wish I had a different Mars, sigh.
lol ive heard that all too often from my libra bffs.
But really, learn to speak your mind, say no firmly and dont over extend yourself if you know you got many things on your plate already... dont worry too much on your "good impressions".. people will take advantage of you without even giving a tiny bit of appreciation if you keep doing it.
Posted by rockyroadicecreamYes, having boundaries is so important. Good point.
Saying "no" when you need to say no.
Stop worrying about appeasing others and know how to set your boundaries.
Posted by themilkyway36Have you ever cut people out?
I think my rising is a Libra but it's likely since I have this problem...
Don't care too much about what others think and make sure your needs are being met too. Don't feel like you need to give in to people who don't give anything back to you.
Posted by SunMoonStarsCut them out of my life? I've never meant to do that or done it harshly but the only thing that has happened that relates is me drifting apart from someone I was close friends with for a long time. It was kind of mutual though and a lot of things happened between us. So nope I usually don't cut people out cause I don't think I could do that. I would just let it drift or not confront it lolll. In romantic related situations, I've had to reallyy work up my courage and bravery just to confront them about an issue between us from something not working outPosted by themilkyway36Have you ever cut people out?
I think my rising is a Libra but it's likely since I have this problem...
Don't care too much about what others think and make sure your needs are being met too. Don't feel like you need to give in to people who don't give anything back to you.click to expand
Posted by Noni05Suck a dick, you cunt.Posted by rockyroadicecreamFinally your not being such a bitch !
Saying "no" when you need to say no.
Stop worrying about appeasing others and know how to set your boundaries.click to expand
i know what you are saying but sometimes it's not always that straight forward. Sometimes you can empathise with the other person, see where they are coming from and the position they find themselves in so you cross your own boundaries because you care enough about them to put them first.
sacrifice doesn't always come from a place of appeasing or trying to be friendly, it sometimes comes from a place of empathy.
op, the problem is when you feel your being taken advantage of. i suppose in those instances you need to remind yourself why you are making the sacrifice and if the reasons are not worth it, then yes, you need to assert yourself.
I agree with what I have seen with both Libra males - in addition, I thought I saw that the first one had a large ego / seemed to just relish in attention ... he was so good at what he did that others wanted him to teach them and he loved the "admiration" he got from that - but he would run into not having enough time then for himself and swing the opposite way and want nothing to do with anyone ... yes, absence of boundaries for sure, can't please/help everyone ... he would help anyone who needed it so he did have a huge basket of empathy too ... it's a double edged sword sometimes with Libra ... I can see that but for some reason I don't put myself out there in the same way - I'm not sure how they get themselves into that position in the first place ... I guess when you help so many - word of mouth passes - and then everyone is calling you for help when they need it ...
Posted by tcta
I agree with what I have seen with both Libra males - in addition, I thought I saw that the first one had a large ego / seemed to just relish in attention ... he was so good at what he did that others wanted him to teach them and he loved the "admiration" he got from that - but he would run into not having enough time then for himself and swing the opposite way and want nothing to do with anyone ... yes, absence of boundaries for sure, can't please/help everyone ... he would help anyone who needed it so he did have a huge basket of empathy too ... it's a double edged sword sometimes with Libra ... I can see that but for some reason I don't put myself out there in the same way - I'm not sure how they get themselves into that position in the first place ... I guess when you help so many - word of mouth passes - and then everyone is calling you for help when they need it ...
i guess i never had any significant problem with saying no to people. yeah, i could (and still can be) a bit flakey when it comes to plans (sometimes i cant be bothered to leave the house when the time comes) but in terms of my own personal boundaries i've always held pretty firm.
as a result, i don't often feel taken advantage of.
with my partner however, i will (and have) crossed boundaries that i never thought i would. for him, because i care for him, i will go above and beyond. of course, we all have our limits. i suppose i don't do it to be liked by him but because i want to work with him and compromise.
similarly for family members. i'm not after their approval but i do it because it is family and i am willing to put myself second for their happiness.
Posted by jeaneof course and as well - there are "levels" of this sort of thing within the signs for whatever reasons ... he grew up in a family of 15 and everyone always helped everyone and with him being a smart Libra he became the Mr. Fixit for everyone and it just never stopped ... he loves it but he lets it go way too far cause by now it has expanded to the entire county/community not just his family - of course his family is practically the entire community/county lol ...Posted by tcta
I agree with what I have seen with both Libra males - in addition, I thought I saw that the first one had a large ego / seemed to just relish in attention ... he was so good at what he did that others wanted him to teach them and he loved the "admiration" he got from that - but he would run into not having enough time then for himself and swing the opposite way and want nothing to do with anyone ... yes, absence of boundaries for sure, can't please/help everyone ... he would help anyone who needed it so he did have a huge basket of empathy too ... it's a double edged sword sometimes with Libra ... I can see that but for some reason I don't put myself out there in the same way - I'm not sure how they get themselves into that position in the first place ... I guess when you help so many - word of mouth passes - and then everyone is calling you for help when they need it ...
i guess i never had any significant problem with saying no to people. yeah, i could (and still can be) a bit flakey when it comes to plans (sometimes i cant be bothered to leave the house when the time comes) but in terms of my own personal boundaries i've always held pretty firm.
as a result, i don't often feel taken advantage of.
with my partner however, i will (and have) crossed boundaries that i never thought i would. for him, because i care for him, i will go above and beyond. of course, we all have our limits. i suppose i don't do it to be liked by him but because i want to work with him and compromise.
similarly for family members. i'm not after their approval but i do it because it is family and i am willing to put myself second for their happiness.click to expand
This is taking me a while to get into place but having good boundaries, knowing your limits, and knowing when to say NO. If you can't set your boundaries people will always treat you how you don't want. But it's up to you to set them. You can't expect people to be able to read your mind, everyone has different boundaries. If you can't set them they you might have a codependency problem. Where you are so concerned and depend so much on people liking you or validating you. That's no bueno. It's ok to depend on others but an extreme of anything is bad. So when something happens that invokes an emotional reaction take a good look at why you reacted that way. And ask yourself "did I react this way because took it to personally and it is from my own insecurities? Or did I react that way because the were putting me down or I felt like they were steeping somewhere I didn't like."
Having a libra moon I find that libras (including myself) are very indecisive about what we will and will not accept. Whether you make up your mind one way or another is up to you. But I get exhausted with the back and forth sometimes so I try to keep to a definitive resolution if I can. If not I am forgiving of myself.
I hope that helps.
Having a libra moon I find that libras (including myself) are very indecisive about what we will and will not accept. Whether you make up your mind one way or another is up to you. But I get exhausted with the back and forth sometimes so I try to keep to a definitive resolution if I can. If not I am forgiving of myself.
I hope that helps.
Thank you all for your advice and comments!
It has been helpful for sure to know that others struggle too with this weird ... limitation/feeling. I think at 33, it's holding me back in business/work.
Granted, I think sometimes it can be a great quality to have - balancing everyone's needs. However, it's not conducive to many things in today's competitive world imo.
My solution has been to try and balance my own needs rather than other peoples. I mean, it's great to approach things with a win/win attitude but a firm NO and boundaries is equally important.
(this question was more geared towards work/business, as I don't really have a problem fading away from low-quality people)
It has been helpful for sure to know that others struggle too with this weird ... limitation/feeling. I think at 33, it's holding me back in business/work.
Granted, I think sometimes it can be a great quality to have - balancing everyone's needs. However, it's not conducive to many things in today's competitive world imo.
My solution has been to try and balance my own needs rather than other peoples. I mean, it's great to approach things with a win/win attitude but a firm NO and boundaries is equally important.
(this question was more geared towards work/business, as I don't really have a problem fading away from low-quality people)
Posted by rockyroadicecream
Saying "no" when you need to say no.
Stop worrying about appeasing others and know how to set your boundaries.
Thing is, I find I am not always attuned to my needs. Sometimes I am more attuned to my wants. My wants and my needs can be far removed from each other.
Thus, I may NEED to say no, but I don't WANT to say no. In such a situation, it is really hard for me to be aware of my needs. That is how I mess up.
Growing up I gave up a lot, compromised way too much, did A LOT for people... had a hard time saying no. Ten people could ask me for something and I'd say yes to all of them. It would get done but it would take away any time I had to take care of myself.
I'm a Libra rising, Sun, and Moon...
My ex used to hate that I did so much for my friends and family..(with certain people) because he said they would never do that much for me.
Now, I say no. I make sure to work out, take care of myself, and those closest to me. But even at work, I have slowed it down to focus more on myself and my health. I don't feel bad if I don't say yes to every single thing anyone would like me to do. I used to and was a crazy workaholic.. now I still put a lot of effort, but I'm not going to give up my personal time for it as well.
The crazy thing is when people are used to you doing so much for them and then you start to say no, there is a possibility that they will stop being "friends" with you. However, you will come to understand that they were not meant to be in your life anyway.
Anyway.. life is better when there is balance. We have one life to live...
I'm a Libra rising, Sun, and Moon...
My ex used to hate that I did so much for my friends and family..(with certain people) because he said they would never do that much for me.
Now, I say no. I make sure to work out, take care of myself, and those closest to me. But even at work, I have slowed it down to focus more on myself and my health. I don't feel bad if I don't say yes to every single thing anyone would like me to do. I used to and was a crazy workaholic.. now I still put a lot of effort, but I'm not going to give up my personal time for it as well.
The crazy thing is when people are used to you doing so much for them and then you start to say no, there is a possibility that they will stop being "friends" with you. However, you will come to understand that they were not meant to be in your life anyway.
Anyway.. life is better when there is balance. We have one life to live...
When you quit being selfless and friends drop out, it doesn't merely mean it was not meant to be: it means they were never friends to begin with. Goodbye quantity – hello quality!
Posted by SunMoonStarsI totally disagree - yes, they try - but I hate and ignore whiners ... they are truly not winners in my book !Posted by NotSoInstantAin't that the truth 🙂
Whiners are winners nowadays lol
click to expand
Posted by tctaGood to know that not everyone falls for it!Posted by SunMoonStarsI totally disagree - yes, they try - but I hate and ignore whiners ... they are truly not winners in my book !Posted by NotSoInstantAin't that the truth 🙂
Whiners are winners nowadays lol
click to expand
I think whiners might get the better thing in the short term simply because people want to shut them up, but in the long run, they might not as no one likes a whiner.
Posted by SunMoonStarsha - I hate giving in to a whiner and I hate seeing other people giving into the whiner because that is manipulation at its best and I abhor manipulation and I hate seeing it happen and seeing other people "fall" for it ...Posted by tctaGood to know that not everyone falls for it!Posted by SunMoonStarsI totally disagree - yes, they try - but I hate and ignore whiners ... they are truly not winners in my book !Posted by NotSoInstantAin't that the truth 🙂
Whiners are winners nowadays lol
I think whiners might get the better thing in the short term simply because people want to shut them up, but in the long run, they might not as no one likes a whiner.click to expand
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