What are the lessons you have learned from relationships ?

To my fellow DXP users - What are some of the important if not vital lessons you have learned from relationships ? From your experiences, what are some things which you now consider red flags ? Share with us all, it may help others with their situ
from a figment of your imagination.
She loved mysteries so much that she became one.
To my fellow DXP users -

What are some of the important if not vital lessons you have learned from relationships ?
From your experiences, what are some things which you now consider red flags ?


Share with us all, it may help others with their situation or give others a new perspective to look at.
from a figment of your imagination.
She loved mysteries so much that she became one.
There is never any reason to tolerate an addict.

Knowing when to detach from a toxic situation and to set boundaries, shows that you have respect for yourself.

You can not change them, therefore change yourself, for the better.
from a figment of your imagination.
She loved mysteries so much that she became one.
If you ever have to question your loved ones or SO, as one would in an interrogation (in order to find out mundane or important matters pertaining to the relationship).

Only to come up short, with denial, diversions and deflections, ending in rage.

It would be wise to rethink - why you are where you are, doing what you are doing.

It is not normal, and nobody deserves such treatment.
from a figment of your imagination.
She loved mysteries so much that she became one.
If a man takes your words, and chooses to twist them.

Projecting their wrong doing unto you, for you to shoulder their poor behaviour and responsibilities. Which they cannot handle or be accountable for.

That is gaslighting, beware. Take a step back and reflect. Proceed with caution.
Aqua sun, Aries moon
You don't end up with what you want - you end up with what the situation offers you.
from a figment of your imagination.
She loved mysteries so much that she became one.
When your SO, partner, or husband suddenly decides to hide anything which you may have mentioned or objected to.

Know this, nobody suddenly hides something which was in the open before. Unless, they have a secret or addiction to keep up with.

They go by their law of - what she does not know, she can not object.

If that is the role you forever want to play, to be taken for a fool. Then do so, but know this, it will only be a gilded cage, built to kill you.
female
Taurus sun Aries moon Pisces Venus Aldebaran Mars
People who don't listen. People who are not generous. People who are close minded. A man who sponges off you while doing nothing to better himself or contribute to the relationship. People who gossip about others behind their backs. People with no sense of humor. People with no sense of honor.

Red flags to me - all.
from a figment of your imagination.
She loved mysteries so much that she became one.
If a man feels a need to put you in your place through the use of threats, their temper, rants, and generally speaking over you to silence you.

Giving you their terms or their terms as your only choices, then carefully judge who you are with. There will be no compromise, there will be no communication, and you will shoulder all the blame, every. single. time.

Know this, it is not your fault, their words, their actions, are all there, used to minimise you. Using every single one of your weaknesses against you. They have no strength, they need this perceived power and control, to make them appear larger and greater than what they truly are.

You are no puppet, you are an independent individual with a free will. No one will tell you what you should or should not do, much less control it. Do not give them the power, you will only create your own jail from it.
from a figment of your imagination.
She loved mysteries so much that she became one.
@Vageenka

That was a valid post, you should not have hidden it. We all learn lessons and make mistakes, there is no shame in it. There is only shame if we never learn at all.
if you're not getting the time/effort that you want and need from someone and they're unable or unwilling to give it, walk away. don't waste time your own time waiting and hoping. never settle.
female from USA
?
It's not love if it's filling in what's missing.

You can't change someone.

Things aren't perfect. A lot of couples have bumps here and there but they work together to maintain the relationship.
from a figment of your imagination.
She loved mysteries so much that she became one.
Every family has its imperfections, but for a man to use your family as a source of insults.

It shows that he has no respect for you at all, nor does he have concerns over your well being.

This is the lows of lows and no where should this be acceptable without an apology.

from a figment of your imagination.
She loved mysteries so much that she became one.
If he uses all the vulnerabilities in which you shared, and gathers them like ammunition.

Think again as to whether or not you would trust him again with your emotions and thoughts.
What I have learned that I require in a partner is someone that will "stand up" for me.

I can fight my own battles, and have many of times. But having been married for 11 years to a man whom never even attempted to "protect" me from situations, it got tiresome. I hated that he passively stood off in forever neutral land when he should have been on my side, as his wife and mother of his child. I never expected him to do this if I were in the wrong, only when it was evidently not right. I was always left to defend myself alone.

That is one of my biggest things I have learned I require in someone.

I have also learned as I grow older, that relationships should be easy with minimal effort. That is your significant other truly cares about you, then they will listen to you and compromise themselves to make you happy. As you should with them as well.
from a figment of your imagination.
She loved mysteries so much that she became one.
Posted by yupvirgoo
Red flags for me... someone too proud to apologize, rotten behavior towards maids, waiters or those in customer service, refusing to listen, selfishness, lying, lack of even trying to compromise and cruelty to others and to animals.


There is no quicker way to incite my anger than unnecessary cruelty towards animals, and generally, those who are helpless.
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