What are the lessons you have learned from relationships ? (Page 2)

Red flags

Scared of their mother

Hides things

Can't assert themselves

Focuses too much on sex (that becomes predictable and tired eventually)

Doesn't like children

Use social media to your full advantage, you can find out so many things about people. Not in a stalker way, I mean to confirm what people tell you..where they live/work/stuff about their family etc.

i've learnt to always look for the lesson in my relationships so that i can evolve as a person and also that some men need you to give them that gentle touch but strong love, iron fist in a velvet glove

I've learned a lot from watching the bachelor♥️

On tonight in two hours!! ??

Posted by Evoxxxscorpio

Posted by Stensco21

Posted by Evoxxxscorpio

Posted by Stensco21

Posted by Evoxxxscorpio
Major red flag no sex.

What do you mean?

It was a joke ?

Oh I was wondering if you meant if you are in a relationship and they stop having sex that's a red flag lol

Don't you think that should be a red flag?

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Yea it would be weird

I've learned that taking it slow is the best thing to do. I've never got to experience this yet because women always want to go too fast with me, but I'm still searching lol. If I don't have the time to get to know them and become their best friend which could take up to a year then I will never trust them. That means I won't truly respect them, or actually love them. Time and patience is the most important aspect of a functional relationship. You need to learn boundries and true commitment before you can really love correctly imo.

Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Dear god, eleven years with a man who did not have a backbone, and married to him.

I understand the use of neutrality especially if the perpetrator within the situation, may become dangerous, such as physically harming you and your child.

However, in most cases, who else would he protect, but himself ?

That makes for a very selfish individual by the sounds of it.

nikkistar, I hope you are in a better place now.

He had NEVER been in a fight in his entire life.

I will give you an example of just how passive this guy is. When we first married, I moved to a small town in California called Ukiah. After one of his softball games, we went to the bar, and some random guy came up to me and called me a racial slur. Guess who stood up for me? Not him, didn't even raise an eye. His cousin, Josh, that was standing right next to him did, and was the one that said something to the guy. This was day to day to him, and he still is the same. I once told him he treated strangers better than he treated me. His response was "Well they haven't done anything to make me mad before."

That is the jist of my ex in a nutshell.

But I am in a very good place now. I am with a man that is calm and collected and allows me to fight for myself because I want to, but steps in right away when he sees I can't.

That is how I know I require it now in my life, because as pathetic as it may sound, finally having a man that does that is a breath of fresh air and entirely appreciated.

Posted by Soul
I've learned that taking it slow is the best thing to do. I've never got to experience this yet because women always want to go too fast with me, but I'm still searching lol. If I don't have the time to get to know them and become their best friend which could take up to a year then I will never trust them. That means I won't truly respect them, or actually love them. Time and patience is the most important aspect of a functional relationship. You need to learn boundries and true commitment before you can really love correctly imo.

Wise words, Soul

Posted by Evoxxxscorpio

Posted by Seraphlight

Posted by Evoxxxscorpio
Most important lesson I've learned is to always make the other person invest more than you do more like 70/30.

i can't do maths ..all or nothing...

I know 70/30 seems unfair

click to expand

Lol

Totally unbalanced

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Dear god, eleven years with a man who did not have a backbone, and married to him.

I understand the use of neutrality especially if the perpetrator within the situation, may become dangerous, such as physically harming you and your child.

However, in most cases, who else would he protect, but himself ?

That makes for a very selfish individual by the sounds of it.

nikkistar, I hope you are in a better place now.

He had NEVER been in a fight in his entire life.

I will give you an example of just how passive this guy is. When we first married, I moved to a small town in California called Ukiah. After one of his softball games, we went to the bar, and some random guy came up to me and called me a racial slur. Guess who stood up for me? Not him, didn't even raise an eye. His cousin, Josh, that was standing right next to him did, and was the one that said something to the guy. This was day to day to him, and he still is the same. I once told him he treated strangers better than he treated me. His response was "Well they haven't done anything to make me mad before."

That is the jist of my ex in a nutshell.

But I am in a very good place now. I am with a man that is calm and collected and allows me to fight for myself because I want to, but steps in right away when he sees I can't.

That is how I know I require it now in my life, because as pathetic as it may sound, finally having a man that does that is a breath of fresh air and entirely appreciated.

click to expand

I feel your pain, your past pain.

It is a terrible predicament to be in, a man who does nothing.

I am appalled that such individuals exists.

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Dear god, eleven years with a man who did not have a backbone, and married to him.

I understand the use of neutrality especially if the perpetrator within the situation, may become dangerous, such as physically harming you and your child.

However, in most cases, who else would he protect, but himself ?

That makes for a very selfish individual by the sounds of it.

nikkistar, I hope you are in a better place now.

He had NEVER been in a fight in his entire life.

I will give you an example of just how passive this guy is. When we first married, I moved to a small town in California called Ukiah. After one of his softball games, we went to the bar, and some random guy came up to me and called me a racial slur. Guess who stood up for me? Not him, didn't even raise an eye. His cousin, Josh, that was standing right next to him did, and was the one that said something to the guy. This was day to day to him, and he still is the same. I once told him he treated strangers better than he treated me. His response was "Well they haven't done anything to make me mad before."

That is the jist of my ex in a nutshell.

But I am in a very good place now. I am with a man that is calm and collected and allows me to fight for myself because I want to, but steps in right away when he sees I can't.

That is how I know I require it now in my life, because as pathetic as it may sound, finally having a man that does that is a breath of fresh air and entirely appreciated.

click to expand

What placements did the ex have @nikkistar ?

Posted by leowww

Posted by pinkbird03
I've learned a lot from watching the bachelor♥️

On tonight in two hours!! ??

Lol really?

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Oh ya know, learn what not to do!! Lol some tips are good. I'm just obsessed with a new guy... Nick Vaill❣️

Posted by Hare
"Yes, dear."

Haha

Posted by Hare
"Yes, dear."

Hah. 😆

The main thing I've learned from past relationships is that nice guys do finish last lol

Sorry dudes

Also, there's more than one option out there for you and no one person is perfect.

People tend to hyper focus on finding "the one" as if there is only one lonely person out there that would be good for you

Just find someone you genuinely enjoy spending time with, gives you good sex, and treats you with respect and kindness (but still calls you on your shit cause you need that)

Posted by Evoxxxscorpio

Posted by PootyButt

Posted by Evoxxxscorpio

Posted by PootyButt

Posted by Evoxxxscorpio

Posted by PootyButt

Posted by Evoxxxscorpio

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Evoxxxscorpio

Posted by Seraphlight

Posted by Evoxxxscorpio
Most important lesson I've learned is to always make the other person invest more than you do more like 70/30.

i can't do maths ..all or nothing...

I know 70/30 seems unfair

Lol

Totally unbalanced

lol I'm not very good in math ?

I'm trying to learn Scorpio math of late. It seems to go something along the lines of "I have too much, so you can't have all of it." LOL

Haha that's the type of math I'm good at.

SMH 🙂

lol In all seriousness tho I believe in equality only when the other person has proven herself cause I'm an all or nothing type of guy but it's gonna take time to get there.

Totally understandable. I think that's how I would act if it weren't for my Leo Mars. That kitty is really hard to put on a leash. So, I just act erratically. Ugh.

The thing I learned is in order to make it work she's gonna has to have a lot of patience and understanding.

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In what way ?

Posted by PootyButt

Posted by brianafay
Also, there's more than one option out there for you and no one person is perfect.

People tend to hyper focus on finding "the one" as if there is only one lonely person out there that would be good for you

Just find someone you genuinely enjoy spending time with, gives you good sex, and treats you with respect and kindness (but still calls you on your shit cause you need that)

That's your Sag sun talking! 😆 I can't let go of the gut feeling of the soulmate concept no matter how many times my brain tells me it's bogus.

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I'm a Scorpio sun and agree with @brianafay. Granted, my sun has an out of sign conjunction with my Sag Mercury, lol.

But I was into the one person only/soul mate idea when I was younger. Over time I came to a different way of looking at romantic relatinships, as brianafay describes.

Posted by PootyButt

Posted by brianafay
Also, there's more than one option out there for you and no one person is perfect.

People tend to hyper focus on finding "the one" as if there is only one lonely person out there that would be good for you

Just find someone you genuinely enjoy spending time with, gives you good sex, and treats you with respect and kindness (but still calls you on your shit cause you need that)

That's your Sag sun talking! 😆 I can't let go of the gut feeling of the soulmate concept no matter how many times my brain tells me it's bogus.

click to expand

I love my Libra and am 100% content with him being it for me for the rest of my life. I dated others before and after I met him and never even came close to feeling that way about anyone else....

But I know if something were to ever happen to us, god forbid, there is someone else out there I could be happy with as well

He would be so pissed if he heard me say that though with his Scorp moon lmao

This usually happens very early on... and it's a bright red flag now, for me.

When you're discussing why the last relationship didn't last... why they

broke up-- and they say 'I don't know.'

Oh... well, why did they move out?

'I don't know.'

That's boolsheet. lol

They know.

Flee, if you can't get a straight answer.

Be honest at all times

Trust my instincts

Don't stay when its time to go (realised how precious my time is)

Communicate more, and be more emotionally available to them

Don't do what I wouldn't like done to myself

Keep it straightforward, don't complicate it

Think before I react/speak/respond

Enjoy it! It may not be forever but I want it to be fun, full of mostly good times while it does last!

Posted by PootyButt

Posted by CopperDove

Posted by PootyButt

Posted by brianafay
Also, there's more than one option out there for you and no one person is perfect.

People tend to hyper focus on finding "the one" as if there is only one lonely person out there that would be good for you

Just find someone you genuinely enjoy spending time with, gives you good sex, and treats you with respect and kindness (but still calls you on your shit cause you need that)

That's your Sag sun talking! 😆 I can't let go of the gut feeling of the soulmate concept no matter how many times my brain tells me it's bogus.

I'm a Scorpio sun and agree with @brianafay. Granted, my sun has an out of sign conjunction with my Sag Mercury, lol.

But I was into the one person only/soul mate idea when I was younger. Over time I came to a different way of looking at romantic relatinships, as brianafay describes.

I have Neptune in the 7th house....think that might have something to do with my undying devotion to the idea. But I'm a Gemini sun, so I have no problem holding both ideas at once and looking at them and thinking about them.

click to expand

Could be why, true. Good that you can have both perspectives.

My Neptune is in my 7th house too, closely conjunct my Sag Mercury also in the 7th.

Posted by Evoxxxscorpio

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Evoxxxscorpio

Posted by PootyButt

Posted by Evoxxxscorpio

Posted by PootyButt

Posted by Evoxxxscorpio

Posted by PootyButt

Posted by Evoxxxscorpio

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Evoxxxscorpio

Posted by Seraphlight

Posted by Evoxxxscorpio
Most important lesson I've learned is to always make the other person invest more than you do more like 70/30.

i can't do maths ..all or nothing...

I know 70/30 seems unfair

Lol

Totally unbalanced

lol I'm not very good in math ?

I'm trying to learn Scorpio math of late. It seems to go something along the lines of "I have too much, so you can't have all of it." LOL

Haha that's the type of math I'm good at.

SMH 🙂

lol In all seriousness tho I believe in equality only when the other person has proven herself cause I'm an all or nothing type of guy but it's gonna take time to get there.

Totally understandable. I think that's how I would act if it weren't for my Leo Mars. That kitty is really hard to put on a leash. So, I just act erratically. Ugh.

The thing I learned is in order to make it work she's gonna has to have a lot of patience and understanding.

In what way ?

It takes time for me to commit and I always need my space and because of this a lot of females get suspicious.

click to expand

Yes i understand that....do you have Scorpio moon?

Posted by PootyButt

Posted by CopperDove

Posted by PootyButt

Posted by CopperDove

Posted by PootyButt

Posted by brianafay
Also, there's more than one option out there for you and no one person is perfect.

People tend to hyper focus on finding "the one" as if there is only one lonely person out there that would be good for you

Just find someone you genuinely enjoy spending time with, gives you good sex, and treats you with respect and kindness (but still calls you on your shit cause you need that)

That's your Sag sun talking! 😆 I can't let go of the gut feeling of the soulmate concept no matter how many times my brain tells me it's bogus.

I'm a Scorpio sun and agree with @brianafay. Granted, my sun has an out of sign conjunction with my Sag Mercury, lol.

But I was into the one person only/soul mate idea when I was younger. Over time I came to a different way of looking at romantic relatinships, as brianafay describes.

I have Neptune in the 7th house....think that might have something to do with my undying devotion to the idea. But I'm a Gemini sun, so I have no problem holding both ideas at once and looking at them and thinking about them.

Could be why, true. Good that you can have both perspectives.

My Neptune is in my 7th house too, closely conjunct my Sag Mercury also in the 7th.

Wow, and yet you have let go your illusions. I'm impressed by that, seriously.

What I know for certain is true is that my gut does not lie about my feelings. It knows right away yay or nay about the feelings. It's figuring out whether the feelings can amount to an actual relationship that takes forever.

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Thank you! Work in progress. I try to compare my ideals to what seems to be the reality about a lot of things. Sometimes reality is very disappointing, but I prefer to know the truth.

Same with my gut and feelings -- it's a tricky process to figure out if something can work out in a relationship, even when compatibility seems really good. I can be confident about what I'm willing to do/give, but that may not match well with what the other person wants to do/give. And maybe it can work for a certain period, then something changes and it can't.

Posted by PootyButt

Posted by CopperDove

Posted by PootyButt

Posted by CopperDove

Posted by PootyButt

Posted by CopperDove

Posted by PootyButt

Posted by brianafay
Also, there's more than one option out there for you and no one person is perfect.

People tend to hyper focus on finding "the one" as if there is only one lonely person out there that would be good for you

Just find someone you genuinely enjoy spending time with, gives you good sex, and treats you with respect and kindness (but still calls you on your shit cause you need that)

That's your Sag sun talking! 😆 I can't let go of the gut feeling of the soulmate concept no matter how many times my brain tells me it's bogus.

I'm a Scorpio sun and agree with @brianafay. Granted, my sun has an out of sign conjunction with my Sag Mercury, lol.

But I was into the one person only/soul mate idea when I was younger. Over time I came to a different way of looking at romantic relatinships, as brianafay describes.

I have Neptune in the 7th house....think that might have something to do with my undying devotion to the idea. But I'm a Gemini sun, so I have no problem holding both ideas at once and looking at them and thinking about them.

Could be why, true. Good that you can have both perspectives.

My Neptune is in my 7th house too, closely conjunct my Sag Mercury also in the 7th.

Wow, and yet you have let go your illusions. I'm impressed by that, seriously.

What I know for certain is true is that my gut does not lie about my feelings. It knows right away yay or nay about the feelings. It's figuring out whether the feelings can amount to an actual relationship that takes forever.

Thank you! Work in progress. I try to compare my ideals to what seems to be the reality about a lot of things. Sometimes reality is very disappointing, but I prefer to know the truth.

Same with my gut and feelings -- it's a tricky process to figure out if something can work out in a relationship, even when compatibility seems really good. I can be confident about what I'm willing to do/give, but that may not match well with what the other person wants to do/give. And maybe it can work for a certain period, then something changes and it can't.

Yes, all true. That part takes knowing yourself, which is something that's elusive, and using your brain as well as your gut. The gut level part lets me know I have the basics present for compatibility, but the rest of it has to match up too. The most frustrating thing is that none of it ever happens in a vacuum. There's always all this life and complication going on.

I know that having "cold feet" about anything serious should not be ignored. There's another tip.

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I agree totally, and relate!

Good point about cold feet -- that's helped me in my life in a number of ways, alerting me about things that I need to heed.

If it sounds too good to be true, remember that words cost nothing.

When relationships end, it's not the end of the world. There more than likely is a great reason for it.

Posted by Smidge
don't lose yourself

This too.

?

Marry an orphan

Posted by pisces4scorpio

Posted by leowww

Posted by pisces4scorpio

Posted by leowww

Posted by pisces4scorpio
What I consider Red flags: addiction / depression / negativity / controlling / anti feeling / narcissism / babydick (= short man complex but worse) / sports addict / pro trump

What I look for: tall / Scorpio / mars in Scorpio / no red flags / 4:20 friendly / intellect / humor / spirituality

You only date scorpios?

Since I've been single- one year ago last month. So it's been a year of Scorpios! And one Gemini thrown in for contrast 🙂

... Sounds.... intense.



I'll never understand what's the big hype with Scorpios.

Im an empath.

Did you ever watch TRUE BLOOD on HBO? It was a campy vampire thing that was great every other season.

The main character was a chick who was telepathic and she was constantly having to deal with the mental cacophony of hearing other peoples thoughts all of the time. (she should never have taken a job as a waitress imho) When the vampires came out publicly she hung out with them because she couldnt read their thoughts and it was SO REFRESHING for her.

THATS What Scorpios are like for me. All other signs drain me with an inundation of emotional/vibe/spirit/aura intel that I have to react and respond to and dance with and I get DRAINED by it all. Scorpios are so locked down they just dont emit whats going on inside. But because I have studied them I know they feel just as deeply as I do - so I dont have to be ashamed of my ocean of feelings because they get it. Where as my former Taurus ex said feelings and emotions were irrelevant., Logic /reason only. Which just made me have to hide all my emotions to be a good partner for him and It SUCKED.

So yeah - I started seeing only Scorpios last year and its been the most amazing year of growth for me. I feel totally accepting of who I am and how deeply I feel things - I have made a squadron of the best male friends Ive ever had. I feel understood and accepted and I dont ever have that exhaustion from dealing with an overload of someone elses energy.

The scorpios have this energy exchange vs. energy drain on me.

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hi sookie *waves*

Always observe the way that they treat others. If he is condescending to the waiter or rude to the cashier for no reason he will be the same towards you as soon as the mask comes off.

Relationships don't work out...

Lol

PM

You do not have to forever be a victim in a bad situation. Merely because someone else made you a victim, does not mean you have to relinquish your power altogether. Get up and become a survivor, a fighter, a warrior.

Never let the bitterness of past pains keep you from future happiness.

Look towards change, do not look into the past, in which you cannot change, only choose to reflect upon it and learn.

Hurt me once, shame on you.

Hurt me twice, shame on me.

Always a valid thought to keep in mind, for all.

Is not my job to save anyone;

my job is my developement, if others don't want to advance, is their election and I can't change that. I live with my elections others must face theirs.

Love is never enough.

Don't be deluded

My Sun-Neptune conjunction did a pretty good job for quite a few years lol

Reality check from time to time is a good idea

Posted by sagsagsag

Posted by pisces4scorpio


What I look for: tall / Scorpio / mars in Scorpio / no red flags / 4:20 friendly / intellect / humor / spirituality

You're looking specifically for a scorpio with mars in scorpio? why though?

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That sounds like stuff nightmares are made of

Lol

If your conversations always end in your SO, telling you that there would be no negotiations and that you would do as told. Which is to apologies, explain yourself, and have all rights taken away from you until you conform and behave according to their rules.

You owe them nothing, and if they end with a threat, of silencing you should you speak your mind. Then let them have at it, let them wallow in their self made silence because you would be off doing your own thing, something more productive.

If they wish to treat you like a submissive subordinate, let them live in their own delusion. You cannot change them, but you could always change how you react, and whether not you would tolerate their nonsense.

You are not an animal. You are not an object. You are not lower than dirt.

They need your submission in order to control you. You have every right in taking your control back. For the sake of your own self respect. No one should ever treat you like so.

If someone does not care to listen to you, and does not respect you enough to even have concerns about hearing your side of your story or your point of view. Then so be it, they have no capacity for empathy, much less live beyond their own narcissistic world. Their insecurities will have to come first, they do so by being domineering and overbearing.

Their Modus Operandi -

You will have no voice.

You will have no rights.

You will not be listened to.

You will never get an apology.

You will do as told.

Do you wish to be treated like this ?

Think again.

They will never accept responsibility or hold accountability.

Their ego and arrogance is far too big for them to see beyond their own toes. You will only set yourself up for failure if you wait for that to ever happen.

Find peace in yourself, their toxic will kill you, stripping you of everything because if they are not happy, they will drag you down to hell, to join them.

Isolation.

Be keenly aware of this, abusers and bullies within relationships, use this to their advantage. Stripping you of outside perspectives, and the voices of others, who would warn you or bring your attention to the red flags abound.

It is their way of keeping you under their thumb, to control you.

Keep relevant, fight the isolation, never let them take away your interactions with others. They only do so, so they could be your entire world, seemingly so, in order to warp your mentality. Stripping you of your strength and rational.

If they keep you away from their families, or friends, or places they frequently visit, hiding you away like a secret. Choosing to omit you 'by chance' time and time again. Know this, it is a red flag, there is nothing normal about this.

If they find the mistreatment of women, humorous.

If they have a severe hatred of women, insulting them in the process but veiling it under sarcasm or 'jokes'.

If they make rather misogynist comments, that shock you from time to time.

Even if they have a seemingly good side, and they do good deeds for certain women. Know this, it is to keep up a facade, or because they wanted something from those individuals, or because it was an exchange.

You should never let such uncomfortable comments slide. Your gut feeling was not incorrect, do not deny yourself of your intuition, especially when it is on red alert.

Half of the men who call their SO or past partners, crazy ... are very often, insane, themselves.

Sometimes, in a very insidious manner as well.

If you use what I had entrusted you with, to safeguard, against me.

Trust me, you will never be apart of my inner most emotions and thoughts, ever again.

I will not fuel your ammunitions, so you could inflict pain upon me.

You could know the inner workings of a sign, very well. So much so, that even those of the sign agree with your observations.

Now, you become somewhat of an expert but know this, that has no relevance to the individual in question.

Astrology will not give you the answers to the abuse, bullying, the belittlement, the lack of respect, etc.

Look to the individual, the answer lies there. They are the problem; not birth charts, not synastry, not astrology.

Posted by pisces4scorpio

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by pisces4scorpio
What I consider Red flags: addiction / depression / negativity / controlling / anti feeling / narcissism / babydick (= short man complex but worse) / sports addict / pro trump

What I look for: tall / Scorpio / mars in Scorpio / no red flags / 4:20 friendly / intellect / humor / spirituality

But what did you learn about yourself ?

As an empath I learned the red flags make it impossible for me to avoid getting drained energy wise. And taking care of my self needs (vs always fighting to keep myself from drowning in their soul sucking energy) makes me a much more fulfilling partner.

I learned Scorpios and virgo (men) don't drain my energy but instead have an incredible energy exchange with me and that with Scorpios I can just be myself. Other signs give me too much energy to react and respond to that makes me chameleon or mirror them and I lose myself.

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How would you differentiate between whether a person drains your energy or whether there is a "reaction?" For example, what signs are there typically or how do you feel?

I have this problem too, I'm a Capricorn with a Scorpio Moon and Pisces Venus (Aquarius mars and mercury) and I find that I act very different with everybody I meet/know. Some people I feel very comfortable with, no effort needed; some people I feel very drained by; some people I feel awkward around and no connection. But I tend to mirror people a lot which I don't know if I can change as a trait in myself, because it makes me feel like not like my own person.

Posted by TheLadyScorpio
If they find the mistreatment of women, humorous.

If they have a severe hatred of women, insulting them in the process but veiling it under sarcasm or 'jokes'.

If they make rather misogynist comments, that shock you from time to time.

Even if they have a seemingly good side, and they do good deeds for certain women. Know this, it is to keep up a facade, or because they wanted something from those individuals, or because it was an exchange.

You should never let such uncomfortable comments slide. Your gut feeling was not incorrect, do not deny yourself of your intuition, especially when it is on red alert.

I would only have to hear that once and I would be out

Huge red flag