SelenaKyle
@justagirl
12 Years25,000+ Posts
Comments: 6657 · Posts: 25221 · Topics: 77
Would you forgive, or seek vengeance? (Page 2)
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Posted by Arkansassy
Also.. Contact Iowa senators and look into memorializimg Hwy 13 and use it to get texting/driving laws onto Iowa books.
I really like this idea dazed. Thanks for this. I didn't even think about this aspect, or getting some sort of fund going to help those that come after.
Sorry for your loss by all means make sure justice is served.
Posted by nikkistar
For those of you who don't know. My boyfriend lost his father and sister in law, and his brother was injured severely last Saturday. The woman who hit them is a 61 year old grandmother that was texting and driving. Her negligence, caused her to drift over into oncoming traffic. She killed a father, and a 25 yr old newly wed wife.
We are processing as best as we can. But I am struggling with not wanting blood. I have people telling me that I should just forgive her, that she ruined her life. Asking me to have sympathy for her because "grandma". And I am sitting here, thinking these idiots and their bleeding hearts thinking of this "grandma" and not the family of the two people she killed.
I just want to say, fuck her, I hope she goes to prison. I don't care if she didn't mean to. I don't care about being sympathetic to her stupid ass. And I sure as hell am tired of all these people telling me to "forgive".
I "forgive" believe you me it's called KARMA (don't do the latter). I've seen what I see and hear what I've heard (form of Karma..."It's a BITCH!")
🤗 cyber hugs!
Love,
Eva
Pfft, Karma doesn't exist in my opinion. I think its a crock of shit people say to place guilt on people.
If karma existed, then explain to me what the fuck did either one of them do, for karma to come back and have them die?
If karma existed, then explain to me what the fuck did either one of them do, for karma to come back and have them die?
Posted by LaMadrina
Vengeance only belongs to God. The second you try anything you will find yourself reaping great trouble and granny still might be in the clear. It's hard, and I am extremely sorry for your loss. But please don't do anything to gain more trouble.
If you do decide to fight, definitely do it legally. Throw the book at her if you must. But don't harm her physically.
I don't want to kill her, I don't want to beat her up.
I just want to see her in a jail cell, rotting away.
I doubt she will be let off lightly. Life has a way of punishing people in its own time. Sometimes you have to wait a really long time....but what goes around definitely comes around. She will be haunted by this if she even has the smallest smidge of good in her. She will also be scorned by many. People will talk about her under her breath. Gossip. She will rarely be able to walk into a room without feeling completely exposed. And, most likely her own mind will ultimately begin to punish her more severely than anyone on this earth would be capable. Regret can be a mother father. So can guilt. But, it takes time to spread itself deep and take root. But, once it does? That’s when the magic happens. Obviously, if you felt inclined you could help it along the way....with small things. Reminders. But, going HAM won’t do it. If you want her to feel your pain, you are gonna have to go with the long game. Lots of waiting, lots of watching.
UPDATE
So, it's been exactly a month since this all happened. I have bouts of anger still. At first, I believed that maybe she did feel bad, but as time passes, and the more information that comes to light, the more I believe she is an older, rich, entitled, asshole. She hit him with so much force, that the front end of his bike, fused with the front end of her SUV. The back half of his bike exploded. From his chest down, it looked like he stepped on a land mine, is what the investigator told us. We didn't see that, thank god. His face was left relatively undamaged.
At this point, the investigation is still not concluded, because the officer himself, has made it his mission to nail her to the wall. After several interviews with this women, her story has changed 3 times. First she was texting on her phone, then she was reaching behind her to do something with her grandchild in the car, then she "doesn't remember". She has acknowledged to the investigator, that she was fully aware of being on the wrong lane, but that she felt justified in being in it. Because "what she was dealing with was more important". She hasn't shown any remorse for what happened, the most was "Sorry they died, but I was obviously dealing something really important, but I can't remember". So the investigator, is now getting warrants for all of her social media as well.
I have found her facebook, and she made everything private on it, for obvious reasons. But one thing that still remains public, is her changing her banner image (which coincidentally is now her profile picture as well), and she changed everything on June 23, 2018 at 9:20 pm. The very same night the accident happened, and she was hospitalized for "shock".
To add insult to injury, she ignorantly has moved all of her assets away from her name. She is additionally committing fraud by doing so. Not a single vehicle outside of the one she was driving in the accident, bank account, or anything is under her name anymore. Funnily enough, she filed several UCC Filings with the state to apply for a significant loan to obtain commercial farming equipment, not too long ago. But suddenly, she has no assets anymore. Our attorney is now looking into exactly when everything was moved from her name, but suspects it was recent, since even the County Assessor's doesn't have the hard copies yet, but is able to locate the deed filed years ago that lists her property under both her spouse's and her name. But it only lists him now. So she has committed yet, another crime, trying to mitigate monetary damage to herself.
At this point, I don't think she really cares she killed 2 people. And I am struggling to make sense of the whole thing.
So, it's been exactly a month since this all happened. I have bouts of anger still. At first, I believed that maybe she did feel bad, but as time passes, and the more information that comes to light, the more I believe she is an older, rich, entitled, asshole. She hit him with so much force, that the front end of his bike, fused with the front end of her SUV. The back half of his bike exploded. From his chest down, it looked like he stepped on a land mine, is what the investigator told us. We didn't see that, thank god. His face was left relatively undamaged.
At this point, the investigation is still not concluded, because the officer himself, has made it his mission to nail her to the wall. After several interviews with this women, her story has changed 3 times. First she was texting on her phone, then she was reaching behind her to do something with her grandchild in the car, then she "doesn't remember". She has acknowledged to the investigator, that she was fully aware of being on the wrong lane, but that she felt justified in being in it. Because "what she was dealing with was more important". She hasn't shown any remorse for what happened, the most was "Sorry they died, but I was obviously dealing something really important, but I can't remember". So the investigator, is now getting warrants for all of her social media as well.
I have found her facebook, and she made everything private on it, for obvious reasons. But one thing that still remains public, is her changing her banner image (which coincidentally is now her profile picture as well), and she changed everything on June 23, 2018 at 9:20 pm. The very same night the accident happened, and she was hospitalized for "shock".
To add insult to injury, she ignorantly has moved all of her assets away from her name. She is additionally committing fraud by doing so. Not a single vehicle outside of the one she was driving in the accident, bank account, or anything is under her name anymore. Funnily enough, she filed several UCC Filings with the state to apply for a significant loan to obtain commercial farming equipment, not too long ago. But suddenly, she has no assets anymore. Our attorney is now looking into exactly when everything was moved from her name, but suspects it was recent, since even the County Assessor's doesn't have the hard copies yet, but is able to locate the deed filed years ago that lists her property under both her spouse's and her name. But it only lists him now. So she has committed yet, another crime, trying to mitigate monetary damage to herself.
At this point, I don't think she really cares she killed 2 people. And I am struggling to make sense of the whole thing.
Posted by GuardianAnu
I wouldn't seek revenge, but I wouldn't let her off lightly either. I don't give a shit how old she is.
I agree, you would think age would mature someone but she's stuck on that phone thing - it could've been teenagers doin drugs, a drunk driver, nope - it was a texting granny - they all know they ain't supposed to be doing these things - if they choose to drive they need to suffer the consequences
how many have to be hurt or die until we all learn not to put others in danger, much less ourselves ...
and I am so sorry about you and your boyfriend's loss - that is so so sad
I feel your anger - and of course her lack of remorse, nonchalance, her social buffoons standing behind her and her trying to get her financial affairs quickly diverted just fuels that fire - 2 innocent loved ones, almost 3 - were taken by this person who seems to just be another one of those people who are here to take what they want and screw the rest
I hope the law works the way it should in this case.
I feel your anger - and of course her lack of remorse, nonchalance, her social buffoons standing behind her and her trying to get her financial affairs quickly diverted just fuels that fire - 2 innocent loved ones, almost 3 - were taken by this person who seems to just be another one of those people who are here to take what they want and screw the rest
I hope the law works the way it should in this case.
Posted by tiziani
That is disappointing that her immediate priority is to cover her own ass.
That is what has me the most baffled. It was her upmost priority.
I am really sorry this happened to your family. I cant even imagine.
Posted by Arielle83
She’s up against manslaughter charge?
Two at least, and one assault. Seeing the actual photos of the scene, we are really surprised one of the 3 survived. But the investigator wants to ensure she faces jail time, and is now looking to charge her with everything he can.
I would be filled with a strong desire for vengeance. I'd like to say I wouldn't be.... but I think that would be me being dishonest.
Posted by Arielle83Posted by nikkistarPosted by Arielle83
She’s up against manslaughter charge?
Two at least, and one assault. Seeing the actual photos of the scene, we are really surprised one of the 3 survived. But the investigator wants to ensure she faces jail time, and is now looking to charge her with everything he can.
Plus texting while driving is like negligence.
Did she hit them and drive off? Like hit and run?
I’m in a hatchback and I have a 30 min commute to and from work on the highway and everyone in a big 4wd is texting. They are in a big vehicle so don’t care about their negligence.
click to expand
yes huge, comfortable cars give the driver an impression that no matter what happens nothing will happen to the people inside the car - it's an awful illusion to have
Posted by nikkistarPosted by tiziani
That is disappointing that her immediate priority is to cover her own ass.
That is what has me the most baffled. It was her upmost priority.click to expand
it's because she knows she's in deep shit and she's trying everything she can to not be in deep shit but deep shit is like quick sand - the more you struggle, the more the shit drags you under
Posted by Arielle83Posted by nikkistarPosted by Arielle83
She’s up against manslaughter charge?
Two at least, and one assault. Seeing the actual photos of the scene, we are really surprised one of the 3 survived. But the investigator wants to ensure she faces jail time, and is now looking to charge her with everything he can.
Plus texting while driving is like negligence.
Did she hit them and drive off? Like hit and run?
I’m in a hatchback and I have a 30 min commute to and from work on the highway and everyone in a big 4wd is texting. They are in a big vehicle so don’t care about their negligence.
click to expand
No, she couldn't drive off.
Here is an image of the scene of the accident.
Posted by AnotherTaurusGuyReturns
When you say investigator is it the police? Will they be able to get her phone records?
It’s a terrible situation, I hope your boyfriend and his family get justice.
I do mean the police. They have her phone records, and car, but want additional information now.
Posted by Arielle83Posted by nikkistarPosted by Arielle83Posted by nikkistarPosted by Arielle83
She’s up against manslaughter charge?
Two at least, and one assault. Seeing the actual photos of the scene, we are really surprised one of the 3 survived. But the investigator wants to ensure she faces jail time, and is now looking to charge her with everything he can.
Plus texting while driving is like negligence.
Did she hit them and drive off? Like hit and run?
I’m in a hatchback and I have a 30 min commute to and from work on the highway and everyone in a big 4wd is texting. They are in a big vehicle so don’t care about their negligence.
No, she couldn't drive off.
Here is an image of the scene of the accident.
Did anyone say anything when she got out of her car?click to expand
Not that we are aware of, she was still in the car when police arrived. We don't have all the details yet. She was taken to the hospital and stayed overnight, along with her grandson. From what little we know of what happened right after the crash, she was mute.
There was only 1 witness to it, and they were not close enough to say definitively she was texting. We are simply going by her statements at this point. She told the "truth" more than likely the first time, when she admitted to texting. She lawyered up eventually though.
Posted by UnusualVaginalDischarge
I am not speaking angrily or hatefully when I say this:
They should throw the book at her. She needs to be punished and sued and fined for not only killing but hiding her assets. I hope her license and vehicle were taken away
Heck, they should take away her grandkid
Also, very sorry for your losses
It is unhealthy for you to check her social media—she is a waste of your energy, let the lawyer and detective take care of it for you
Forgiveness is about releasing the bad energy grudge anger hatred, it’s not for the perpetrator’s benefit at all. Forgiveness is not like saying ‘oh I forgive you, this all cool’
It’s so that you release negative energy so that it doesn’t take over your life and make you sick
You just all need to go through the stages of grief at your own paces
Have faith that God or karma and the law will give her what she deserves
It is not necessary to have empathy for a selfish brat, but eventually you must let her go and move on for your own sanity
I'd like to believe that eventually I will, but I don't know if I will be able to stop obsessively trying to dig up information on her until I see her punished for it all.
I would like to believe that, if there was some sort of remorse from her, in any way, I would be more prone to doing so.
But I can't let it go yet, not til I see her punished in some way. Not til I see her arrested and having to face the family she tore apart.
No revenge, but I would make sure she really(!) gets what she's done. Her being a grandma is irrelevant to me.
So, so sorry that happened!
So, so sorry that happened!
Oh my god. Where is the car?!?! That is horrific.
Posted by UnusualVaginalDischargePosted by nikkistarPosted by UnusualVaginalDischarge
I am not speaking angrily or hatefully when I say this:
They should throw the book at her. She needs to be punished and sued and fined for not only killing but hiding her assets. I hope her license and vehicle were taken away
Heck, they should take away her grandkid
Also, very sorry for your losses
It is unhealthy for you to check her social media—she is a waste of your energy, let the lawyer and detective take care of it for you
Forgiveness is about releasing the bad energy grudge anger hatred, it’s not for the perpetrator’s benefit at all. Forgiveness is not like saying ‘oh I forgive you, this all cool’
It’s so that you release negative energy so that it doesn’t take over your life and make you sick
You just all need to go through the stages of grief at your own paces
Have faith that God or karma and the law will give her what she deserves
It is not necessary to have empathy for a selfish brat, but eventually you must let her go and move on for your own sanity
I'd like to believe that eventually I will, but I don't know if I will be able to stop obsessively trying to dig up information on her until I see her punished for it all.
I would like to believe that, if there was some sort of remorse from her, in any way, I would be more prone to doing so.
But I can't let it go yet, not til I see her punished in some way. Not til I see her arrested and having to face the family she tore apart.
I have learned that many people are selfish and thus do not feel remorse
You might have to be prepared that she may not feel remorse (maybe in the future she will after punishment)
So you moving on (at your own pace in the future) cannot be dependent on her feeling remorse
This is the lady who put her grandchild in danger and hid her assets cuz she cares more about her money than about the people she killed
Also, the stages of grief/forgiveness obviously take time
Don’t let it take over your life
And I know what you mean about digging up information—you will make yourself sick that wayclick to expand
I don't think I will ever be dependent on her feeling remorse. I think I would probably have more compassion for her, if she wasn't a raging asshole. Maybe I would feel less likely to want her to rot in prison. Still pay for what she did, but maybe not to the point she spends what little life she has left, behind bars.
Now, I don't care if she does or doesn't. Let her rot. I can move on from it then, once I know she is in jail.
And this might sound even more cold, but I don't care if her family goes bankrupt either, once the civil suits come into play. They are helping her hide assets.
Posted by UnusualVaginalDischargePosted by nikkistarPosted by UnusualVaginalDischarge
I am not speaking angrily or hatefully when I say this:
They should throw the book at her. She needs to be punished and sued and fined for not only killing but hiding her assets. I hope her license and vehicle were taken away
Heck, they should take away her grandkid
Also, very sorry for your losses
It is unhealthy for you to check her social media—she is a waste of your energy, let the lawyer and detective take care of it for you
Forgiveness is about releasing the bad energy grudge anger hatred, it’s not for the perpetrator’s benefit at all. Forgiveness is not like saying ‘oh I forgive you, this all cool’
It’s so that you release negative energy so that it doesn’t take over your life and make you sick
You just all need to go through the stages of grief at your own paces
Have faith that God or karma and the law will give her what she deserves
It is not necessary to have empathy for a selfish brat, but eventually you must let her go and move on for your own sanity
I'd like to believe that eventually I will, but I don't know if I will be able to stop obsessively trying to dig up information on her until I see her punished for it all.
I would like to believe that, if there was some sort of remorse from her, in any way, I would be more prone to doing so.
But I can't let it go yet, not til I see her punished in some way. Not til I see her arrested and having to face the family she tore apart.
I have learned that many people are selfish and thus do not feel remorse
You might have to be prepared that she may not feel remorse (maybe in the future she will after punishment)
So you moving on (at your own pace in the future) cannot be dependent on her feeling remorse
This is the lady who put her grandchild in danger and hid her assets cuz she cares more about her money than about the people she killed
Also, the stages of grief/forgiveness obviously take time
Don’t let it take over your life
And I know what you mean about digging up information—you will make yourself sick that wayclick to expand
feeling remorse would normally come after accepting responsibility for what happened - denial seeps in for the selfish and clouds their thought process - they think they are even above causing death even accidentally
Posted by heliumfiasco
Oh my god. Where is the car?!?! That is horrific.
They were on motorcycles. Not a car.
Oh my god. I cant believe anyone survived that. How sad. She missed more than one bike? Did she side swipe them? I am so sorry. This just looks so negligent.
Posted by NemDeux
if this is going to court or any sort of official legal proceeding and you´re involved in some way shape or form (joint plaintiff etc)- take this off the internet.
you are not the only person who can do internet research. and dig up info.
she too has lawyers, and apparently good ones. who can figure things out.
this should not be exposed like this. it is confidential and might hurt the case.
I am not listed in the court papers at all. They don't even have my real legal name listed in the obituary.
I can hide, very well.
Posted by NemDeuxPosted by nikkistarPosted by NemDeux
if this is going to court or any sort of official legal proceeding and you´re involved in some way shape or form (joint plaintiff etc)- take this off the internet.
you are not the only person who can do internet research. and dig up info.
she too has lawyers, and apparently good ones. who can figure things out.
this should not be exposed like this. it is confidential and might hurt the case.
I am not listed in the court papers at all. They don't even have my real legal name listed in the obituary.
I can hide, very well.
you´re on the obituary...
why jeopardize it?
take it down for your own good and out of respect for your fam.click to expand
Thanks for your concern, but given I will continue not to list names, nor have my real legal name anywhere close to the documents, I can and will process this information on my own terms.
You are entitled to say what you want, but I am also entitled to process this the way I want for myself.
I know fully well, what can and cannot be used in the court of law.
Posted by Apis
Did you get the message I sent you about GIS?
No I didn't. But I also got spammed over the weekend. Can you resend?
Posted by NemDeuxPosted by nikkistarPosted by NemDeuxPosted by nikkistarPosted by NemDeux
if this is going to court or any sort of official legal proceeding and you´re involved in some way shape or form (joint plaintiff etc)- take this off the internet.
you are not the only person who can do internet research. and dig up info.
she too has lawyers, and apparently good ones. who can figure things out.
this should not be exposed like this. it is confidential and might hurt the case.
I am not listed in the court papers at all. They don't even have my real legal name listed in the obituary.
I can hide, very well.
you´re on the obituary...
why jeopardize it?
take it down for your own good and out of respect for your fam.
Thanks for your concern, but given I will continue not to list names, nor have my real legal name anywhere close to the documents, I can and will process this information on my own terms.
You are entitled to say what you want, but I am also entitled to process this the way I want for myself.
I know fully well, what can and cannot be used in the court of law.
there are also civil courts ....but suit yourself.
click to expand
Libel and Slander suits are often frivolous, and are only awarded if what is said impacts the individual in a monetary way. It also has to be proven to be untrue statements.
Secondly, the burden of proof for civil cases is smaller than those of criminal. The minute she admitted to knowingly being on the wrong side of the road, she already cemented herself. That is all that is needed for the civil case to be awarded in regards to wrongful death. Her fate there, is sealed.
This was already discussed with us.
I’ve tried to put myself in your shoes and think if this were my loved ones...and bottom line for me is what she did can never be righted ...there is no “revenge” that would suffice. There is no redemption in my mind. Even her being prosecuted to the fullest does very little, if anything, to ease my pain.
So if I were to give you advice on forgiving her it would only be for your own wellness, not because she deserves it. She has already caused you all enough pain and suffering ...would be a great weight off your hearts if you were able to let the anger towards her go and move on, using your energy to honor your loved ones instead.
...and I think you will get there with time. It’s certainly not going to happen over night. And maybe for you, seeing justice being served (or what you deem as satisfactory given the situation) will help you get to that point.
It’s easy for other people on the outside looking in to give advice like that from the comfort of their homes being so removed from the situation.
You’re the one who has to live this everyday, so you deal with it however you need to
So if I were to give you advice on forgiving her it would only be for your own wellness, not because she deserves it. She has already caused you all enough pain and suffering ...would be a great weight off your hearts if you were able to let the anger towards her go and move on, using your energy to honor your loved ones instead.
...and I think you will get there with time. It’s certainly not going to happen over night. And maybe for you, seeing justice being served (or what you deem as satisfactory given the situation) will help you get to that point.
It’s easy for other people on the outside looking in to give advice like that from the comfort of their homes being so removed from the situation.
You’re the one who has to live this everyday, so you deal with it however you need to
Posted by brianafay
I’ve tried to put myself in your shoes and think if this were my loved ones...and bottom line for me is what she did can never be righted ...there is no “revenge” that would suffice. There is no redemption in my mind. Even her being prosecuted to the fullest does very little, if anything, to ease my pain.
So if I were to give you advice on forgiving her it would only be for your own wellness, not because she deserves it. She has already caused you all enough pain and suffering ...would be a great weight off your hearts if you were able to let the anger towards her go and move on, using your energy to honor your loved ones instead.
...and I think you will get there with time. It’s certainly not going to happen over night. And maybe for you, seeing justice being served (or what you deem as satisfactory given the situation) will help you get to that point.
It’s easy for other people on the outside looking in to give advice like that from the comfort of their homes being so removed from the situation.
You’re the one who has to live this everyday, so you deal with it however you need to
Thanks babe.
I am glad we are friends. And I often forget, how well you know me at times.
Posted by nikkistarPosted by brianafay
I’ve tried to put myself in your shoes and think if this were my loved ones...and bottom line for me is what she did can never be righted ...there is no “revenge” that would suffice. There is no redemption in my mind. Even her being prosecuted to the fullest does very little, if anything, to ease my pain.
So if I were to give you advice on forgiving her it would only be for your own wellness, not because she deserves it. She has already caused you all enough pain and suffering ...would be a great weight off your hearts if you were able to let the anger towards her go and move on, using your energy to honor your loved ones instead.
...and I think you will get there with time. It’s certainly not going to happen over night. And maybe for you, seeing justice being served (or what you deem as satisfactory given the situation) will help you get to that point.
It’s easy for other people on the outside looking in to give advice like that from the comfort of their homes being so removed from the situation.
You’re the one who has to live this everyday, so you deal with it however you need to
Thanks babe.
I am glad we are friends. And I often forget, how well you know me at times.click to expand
❤️
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She may have been advised not to, im assuming she has an attorney. She's "claiming" to not remember so they may have told her not to admit guilt. Sucks balls but she may never apologize or anything. But I agree, she should have a proxy express condolences.