Am I picky for exclusively wanting to date men from my own culture/background?

Hi

I wanted to know if I’m weird for being like this. I’m an Hispanic woman (Latina) and I love speaking Spanish, eating Spanish food and I’m proud of my background.

Before I was very open to dating people of any nationality until I dated this Italian man. I knew how to speak Italian because I studied in Italy. I was over the moon at first with his sexy accent but then for some reason I started noticing that I couldn’t be my true self around him. I had stopped speaking Spanish because he didn’t understand my language and I missed it. Also, he never wanted to try Spanish food because he was very closed minded and only wanted to eat pasta 99% of the time. It’s like I had to change my background or something to be with him.

My last boyfriend was Hispanic like me and I noticed the HUGE difference. We could relate to one another more and it made me happy that he enjoyed the same things I like.

Since I’m newly single, I feel like I would rather date someone from my own culture/background instead of European, Asian, or another culture.

I was into it at first but I don’t want to change who I am. Sometimes it can happen that you fall in love with someone who’s not your type but it doesn’t mean it always works.

What do you think? Am I too picky?

Posted by angie2080
Hi

I wanted to know if I’m weird for being like this. I’m an Hispanic woman (Latina) and I love speaking Spanish, eating Spanish food and I’m proud of my background.

Before I was very open to dating people of any nationality until I dated this Italian man. I knew how to speak Italian because I studied in Italy. I was over the moon at first with his sexy accent but then for some reason I started noticing that I couldn’t be my true self around him. I had stopped speaking Spanish because he didn’t understand my language and I missed it. Also, he never wanted to try Spanish food because he was very closed minded and only wanted to eat pasta 99% of the time. It’s like I had to change my background or something to be with him.

My last boyfriend was Hispanic like me and I noticed the HUGE difference. We could relate to one another more and it made me happy that he enjoyed the same things I like.

Since I’m newly single, I feel like I would rather date someone from my own culture/background instead of European, Asian, or another culture.

I was into it at first but I don’t want to change who I am. Sometimes it can happen that you fall in love with someone who’s not your type but it doesn’t mean it always works.

What do you think? Am I too picky?

Gonna be modest here but not harsh. Do any of you two have the white rice carb belly?

Nah.

It’s totally okay to want that! Or at the very least a partner who is open to learning about your culture—or hell, excited about it! Because it’s a part of you and they actually care about you. That’s the major issue. You need someone to respect how important it is to you, and there’s no shame in wanting that.

The way this post is written seem to invite specific types of responses; validation and reassurance that your preferences are understandable given your experiences. The framing of "am I too picky?" sounds like you're fishing for moral approval and reassuring comments.

I don't believe for one second that you're genuinely unsure about whether you are too picky, or that you are trying to clarify things for your own moral conscience, or fear the possibility people could think of you as narrow-minded and discriminatory. I'm sure you're well-aware that you don't have to voice your preferences to others and that people aren't keeping track of your dating preferences to begin with.

It's clear to me that you know your preferences are valid, especially when taking into consideration your past dating experience. You're not really looking for moral guidance (as your post seems to suggest), you're secretly looking for positive attention and moral validation; you already know your perspective on dating is valid and reasonable but you want others to shower you with reassurance, sympathy and positive attention. And to garner such responses, you deceptively pretend to be unsure of the type of person you are and to be seeking perspective.

The real problem here is the underlying insecurity driving this post; the need for praise, approval, and validation. The connection between your past experience of having to change yourself in the relationship with the Italian man and your current need for validation and approval is glaringly obvious to me.

My question to you is, why does it matter if you or other people think you are picky? Can you answer that?

Be picky instead of stupid

I mean not really. There is nothing wrong with wanting to stick to your own culture. Humans have been doing that since the dawn of humanity.

Me personally, I think that shit is boring and basic though. Also as a straight white male, aka, the worst form of human, I actually like darker skin complexion in humans. Like Black, Latino, and Indian complexion is very attractive imo. Darker skin tends to age better also. And no it's not a fetish, because I've had people try to blast me with that shit a few times. I like basic asian and white women too, I just personally like dark eyes, dark hair, and darker complexion. It just seems more natural and real to me for some reason.

Posted by angie2080
Hi

I wanted to know if I’m weird for being like this. I’m an Hispanic woman (Latina) and I love speaking Spanish, eating Spanish food and I’m proud of my background.

Before I was very open to dating people of any nationality until I dated this Italian man. I knew how to speak Italian because I studied in Italy. I was over the moon at first with his sexy accent but then for some reason I started noticing that I couldn’t be my true self around him. I had stopped speaking Spanish because he didn’t understand my language and I missed it. Also, he never wanted to try Spanish food because he was very closed minded and only wanted to eat pasta 99% of the time. It’s like I had to change my background or something to be with him.

My last boyfriend was Hispanic like me and I noticed the HUGE difference. We could relate to one another more and it made me happy that he enjoyed the same things I like.

Since I’m newly single, I feel like I would rather date someone from my own culture/background instead of European, Asian, or another culture.

I was into it at first but I don’t want to change who I am. Sometimes it can happen that you fall in love with someone who’s not your type but it doesn’t mean it always works.

What do you think? Am I too picky?

I wouldn't let one experience be the definitive of all people of all cultures. As someone who has dated many nationalities, most people wouldn't try to change who you are or refuse to embrace your cultural differences. Believe me when I tell you that it was simply that individual.

Whomsoever you're attempting to date should and would welcome the cultural differences in most cases and vice versa. That's from my experience and the range of differences in nationality are from Sri Lankan to African American and almost everything in between.

The Italian only wants to eat pasta 🤣🤣🤣

Posted by angie2080
Hi

I wanted to know if I’m weird for being like this. I’m an Hispanic woman (Latina) and I love speaking Spanish, eating Spanish food and I’m proud of my background.

Before I was very open to dating people of any nationality until I dated this Italian man. I knew how to speak Italian because I studied in Italy. I was over the moon at first with his sexy accent but then for some reason I started noticing that I couldn’t be my true self around him. I had stopped speaking Spanish because he didn’t understand my language and I missed it. Also, he never wanted to try Spanish food because he was very closed minded and only wanted to eat pasta 99% of the time. It’s like I had to change my background or something to be with him.

My last boyfriend was Hispanic like me and I noticed the HUGE difference. We could relate to one another more and it made me happy that he enjoyed the same things I like.

Since I’m newly single, I feel like I would rather date someone from my own culture/background instead of European, Asian, or another culture.

I was into it at first but I don’t want to change who I am. Sometimes it can happen that you fall in love with someone who’s not your type but it doesn’t mean it always works.

What do you think? Am I too picky?

Well that depends, would you date someone who was appreciation for the culture too or supported your interest in it?

By reading this, no I don't think so. To me it's your choice. We all got that. Like soul said only the exception here is I like women opposite of my color which would be ones that are lighter than me, namely white women. Not saying I don't like caramel women (the women of my color) it's just that white women in my opinion is where it's at. And if that's who I prefer then that's my choice.

If that's your preference, then that's ok. I never actually got the sense that I was attractive at all growing up because I'm not many people's preferences and my face be all foreign and stuff. But it's ok. Especially if you come from the same background, they will have similar values or at least thought patterns that you can understand a little better.

Posted by angie2080
Hi

I wanted to know if I’m weird for being like this. I’m an Hispanic woman (Latina) and I love speaking Spanish, eating Spanish food and I’m proud of my background.

Before I was very open to dating people of any nationality until I dated this Italian man. I knew how to speak Italian because I studied in Italy. I was over the moon at first with his sexy accent but then for some reason I started noticing that I couldn’t be my true self around him. I had stopped speaking Spanish because he didn’t understand my language and I missed it. Also, he never wanted to try Spanish food because he was very closed minded and only wanted to eat pasta 99% of the time. It’s like I had to change my background or something to be with him.

My last boyfriend was Hispanic like me and I noticed the HUGE difference. We could relate to one another more and it made me happy that he enjoyed the same things I like.

Since I’m newly single, I feel like I would rather date someone from my own culture/background instead of European, Asian, or another culture.

I was into it at first but I don’t want to change who I am. Sometimes it can happen that you fall in love with someone who’s not your type but it doesn’t mean it always works.

What do you think? Am I too picky?

Nothing wrong at all in discerning! If only more people had foresight or self-awareness to do that. Most people don’t know what they want.

I’m the same way because I wanna be able to enjoy my ethnic web series and food with my own kind. I want that similarity because it’s so ingrained in my routine and to not have a partner to enjoy these things with me would suck bad!

I think it’s easier and less complicated if you can find someone from your own culture. However you define that. For some it’s about race, religion, nationality or ethnicity. Other people have their own definitions.

A person should have what they are looking for clear in their mind. I am usually open about it upfront. I don’t even date outside what I consider feasible. I used to be more liberal.

My last partner was of a different background than me and I think it played a huge rule in our demise. Would I be open to it again? Who knows? There is always family and society to consider too.

I'm pretty sure we had this thread on DXP years ago on the old DXP

Dating people from my own culture usually brings on a sibling-like familiarity 😑 I'm usually drawn to opposites in various ways.

I'm with a Filipina now and it doesn't feel incestous at all, lol. Pretty much as far as you can get from my world.

Imma be 💯...I didn't read the whole thing ...just skimmed but the answer is no. You like what you like ...ain't nothing wrong with that.

Posted by angie2080
Hi

I wanted to know if I’m weird for being like this. I’m an Hispanic woman (Latina) and I love speaking Spanish, eating Spanish food and I’m proud of my background.

Before I was very open to dating people of any nationality until I dated this Italian man. I knew how to speak Italian because I studied in Italy. I was over the moon at first with his sexy accent but then for some reason I started noticing that I couldn’t be my true self around him. I had stopped speaking Spanish because he didn’t understand my language and I missed it. Also, he never wanted to try Spanish food because he was very closed minded and only wanted to eat pasta 99% of the time. It’s like I had to change my background or something to be with him.

My last boyfriend was Hispanic like me and I noticed the HUGE difference. We could relate to one another more and it made me happy that he enjoyed the same things I like.

Since I’m newly single, I feel like I would rather date someone from my own culture/background instead of European, Asian, or another culture.

I was into it at first but I don’t want to change who I am. Sometimes it can happen that you fall in love with someone who’s not your type but it doesn’t mean it always works.

What do you think? Am I too picky?

Yeah. Slightly.

I am Latina in Spanish is my second language. I would never, ever just want to speak Spanish, or only want to eat Mexican or Latino food. There is an entire world out there to be a part of.

Same with people. I pretty much speak Spanish when I feel like it, not because there is an expectation of it, or because the other people demanded.



But to be completely honest, I wouldn’t want to be stuck with an Italian guy who only wanted to eat pasta all the time. That’s just as equally close mine it is the Latinos. I grew up with holy ate rice, and beans and tortillas all damn time. And yes, there’s lots of Latinos out there like that.

I also would not want to be stuck, dating an Arab, a Portuguese, Oriental, anybody with very strict, rigid way of living and believing.

No thanks.

Finally, I grew up, having to eat certain things, and having to be immersed in a certain culture. When I grew up, all I could see were the negatives of said culture. So I walked away from it and didn’t look back.

So are you being picky? Yes. Maybe a bit close minded yourself. You speak good English. What’s the problem with being around someone where you would have to speak English most of the time to communicate with them?

Or is English your second language and you’re getting more help than we can see to make your post and responses articulate?

Not at all. It's natural to want to be with someone who you can speak your native language with. Is someone who shares your history and your culture, potentially.

Most Irish guys end up with Irish girls. Most English guy end up with English girls.

Most Americans end up with Americans.

Most American wasps end up with with other Wasps.

I think if you are against it seriously tho it will bite you in the ass.

You will end up repressing your desires for something or someone you won't let yourself have.

Like white people who dont admit they find all types of women pretty etc.

Don't listen to people who think that White people or specifically white anglo americans should be the preference.

Modern Family has white anglo men thinking they are the preference for latino women.. unfairly.

Heck white american men even think I am out to get a green card online. (im not)

Woman tend to prefer partners of their own culture whilst men are more neutral about it

don't really see anything wrong with that 🤷🤷

like i'm not racist i swear but from my observation, a lot of straight white men or deeply westernized men who aren't white are jealous haters/competitive when it comes to women. and i'm not just talking about women they're in romantic relationships with but it could be any other female they perceive to be doing better than them or have what they desperately want (professionally/economically/socially/personal relationships).

but maybe it's coz i watch these vids and feel bad for white women

Posted by virgoOPPP
don't really see anything wrong with that 🤷🤷

like i'm not racist i swear but from my observation, a lot of straight white men or deeply westernized men who aren't white are jealous haters/competitive when it comes to women. and i'm not just talking about women they're in romantic relationships with but it could be any other female they perceive to be doing better than them or have what they desperately want (professionally/economically/socially/personal relationships).

You're observations are very keen or maybe your just open about them lol.

What youre describing exists in many cultures that I've noticed. Sometimes its subtle, sometimes not.

Some cultures try very hard to disguise their bitchy men. I think the more they try to hide it the more feminine/obvious it becomes. Cause hiding/disguising is feminine by nature.

I think the main difference is Western cultures try to disguise it moreso than other cultures. Most cultures have more similarities than differences but Western culture is King (or Queen?) at disguising things.

It's weird for sure tho, like it must activate some kind of inner bitch in a man to compete with a woman, its not natural imo. It's like motherly energy in a man.

Posted by FuelAirPropellant

Posted by virgoOPPP
don't really see anything wrong with that 🤷🤷

like i'm not racist i swear but from my observation, a lot of straight white men or deeply westernized men who aren't white are jealous haters/competitive when it comes to women. and i'm not just talking about women they're in romantic relationships with but it could be any other female they perceive to be doing better than them or have what they desperately want (professionally/economically/socially/personal relationships).

You're observations are very keen or maybe your just open about them lol.

What youre describing exists in many cultures that I've noticed. Sometimes its subtle, sometimes not.

Some cultures try very hard to disguise their bitchy men. I think the more they try to hide it the more feminine/obvious it becomes. Cause hiding/disguising is feminine by nature.

I think the main difference is Western cultures try to disguise it moreso than other cultures. Most cultures have more similarities than differences but Western culture is King (or Queen?) at disguising things.

It's weird for sure tho, like it must activate some kind of inner bitch in a man to compete with a woman, its not natural imo. It's like motherly energy in a man.

click to expand

it's not that i've never observed sexism in men where i'm from but it manifests differently here. western men tend to be opinionated which is seen as 'masculine' and therefore encouraged. but where i'm from somehow arguing/bishing/'talking too much' especially with a woman here gets men laughed at and ridiculed coz that's apparently a homosexual activity/feminine trait ('gay $ hit' as men here would call it).

men here might feel some sort of way about women earning more than them much like with men anywhere but that's where most of the similarity ends. never have i encountered a more hateful, passive-aggressive straight man who seems to especially take pleasure in bullying women until i've observed white men.

sure there might be men here who firmly believe women belong only in the kitchen and the bedroom, may even hit you and sleep around much like from anywhere really but much of their sexism manifests in a way that's so much more 'indulgent' of women because here, a man can cheat with the entire neighborhood but that man might still romance the crap out of you. white men just bury you in their golf course or dunk on you every chance they get to 'impress' some new girl they're into (absolutely missing out on capitalizing on the fact that women like men who actually LIKE women).

think about it. a man dunking on his ex vs a man who talks sweetly about his girl. who you gonna think is cute and try to steal? why do people romanticize that cap sun/pisces moon Edgar Allan Poe? coz he writes loving poems about dead women instead of whining about women at the gym who only wants mega ultra gigachads or talking about 'curbing' single moms or the 'audacity' of some girl expecting he pays for their first date instead of going 50/50.

Posted by virgoOPPP

Posted by FuelAirPropellant

Posted by virgoOPPP
don't really see anything wrong with that 🤷🤷

like i'm not racist i swear but from my observation, a lot of straight white men or deeply westernized men who aren't white are jealous haters/competitive when it comes to women. and i'm not just talking about women they're in romantic relationships with but it could be any other female they perceive to be doing better than them or have what they desperately want (professionally/economically/socially/personal relationships).

You're observations are very keen or maybe your just open about them lol.

What youre describing exists in many cultures that I've noticed. Sometimes its subtle, sometimes not.

Some cultures try very hard to disguise their bitchy men. I think the more they try to hide it the more feminine/obvious it becomes. Cause hiding/disguising is feminine by nature.

I think the main difference is Western cultures try to disguise it moreso than other cultures. Most cultures have more similarities than differences but Western culture is King (or Queen?) at disguising things.

It's weird for sure tho, like it must activate some kind of inner bitch in a man to compete with a woman, its not natural imo. It's like motherly energy in a man. click to expand

it's not that i've never observed sexism in men where i'm from but it manifests differently here. western men tend to be opinionated which is seen as 'masculine' and therefore encouraged. but where i'm from somehow arguing/bishing/'talking too much' especially with a woman here gets men laughed at and ridiculed coz that's apparently a homosexual activity/feminine trait ('gay $ hit' as men here would call it).

men here might feel some sort of way about women earning more than them much like with men anywhere but that's where most of the similarity ends. never have i encountered a more hateful, passive-aggressive straight man who seems to especially take pleasure in bullying women until i've observed white men.

sure there might be men here who firmly believe women belong only in the kitchen and the bedroom, may even hit you and sleep around much like from anywhere really but much of their sexism manifests in a way that's so much more 'indulgent' of women because here, a man can cheat with the entire neighborhood but that man might still romance the crap out of you. white men just bury you in their golf course or dunk on you every chance they get to 'impress' some new girl they're into (absolutely missing out on capitalizing on the fact that women like men who actually LIKE women).

think about it. a man dunking on his ex vs a man who talks sweetly about his girl. who you gonna think is cute and try to steal? why do people romanticize that cap sun/pisces moon Edgar Allan Poe? coz he writes loving poems about dead women instead of whining about women at the gym who only wants mega ultra gigachads or talking about 'curbing' single moms or the 'audacity' of some girl expecting he pays for their first date instead of going 50/50.

click to expand

It's so weird how it is. Its a game. A very indirect, shameful game.

Guido x Latina is such a trope

Works for the harem bc at least i can eat spicy food w one of the Latinas

Unfortunately, the men who hail from 2 of the countries with the spiciest food are the most frequently kicked out of strip clubs for breaking rules during lap dances such as putting their mouth/tongue on you, trying to finger you, one put me in a chokehold, whipping their weiners out

Its because the spicy food countries are also pretty patriarchal, so im not gonna rule out men according to shared palates

Posted by angie2080
Hi

I wanted to know if I’m weird for being like this. I’m an Hispanic woman (Latina) and I love speaking Spanish, eating Spanish food and I’m proud of my background.

Before I was very open to dating people of any nationality until I dated this Italian man. I knew how to speak Italian because I studied in Italy. I was over the moon at first with his sexy accent but then for some reason I started noticing that I couldn’t be my true self around him. I had stopped speaking Spanish because he didn’t understand my language and I missed it. Also, he never wanted to try Spanish food because he was very closed minded and only wanted to eat pasta 99% of the time. It’s like I had to change my background or something to be with him.

My last boyfriend was Hispanic like me and I noticed the HUGE difference. We could relate to one another more and it made me happy that he enjoyed the same things I like.

Since I’m newly single, I feel like I would rather date someone from my own culture/background instead of European, Asian, or another culture.

I was into it at first but I don’t want to change who I am. Sometimes it can happen that you fall in love with someone who’s not your type but it doesn’t mean it always works.

What do you think? Am I too picky?

Not at all… it just seems like you explored different options and now have a better idea of what you like. Nothing wrong with that, IMO