Staying for kids.

I am back to my old thoughts about is this correct to let kids hold parent who wants to leave a hostage by possibility of them going on drugs and screwing their lives. So parent staying and suffering quietly...

Many of you said it’s wrong to give into kids blackmailing...however just want to tell something that happened in our family.

I’ll try short.

Man and wife (our relatives) with 2 kids had sexless marriage due to...from his side - she wouldn’t put out. From her side - she is hurt by him cheating.

When kids turned 19 and 14 he had decided to leave. Talked to kids. Love and connection between him and kids was unbelievable! Much closer than with mom.aonhe left.

After him gone 3 women - wife and 2 girls went on a heavily meds. Younger did drigs, older gained 200lb, wife was totally destroyed...until he died.

Years went by. All women still on pills for brain function. Finally both kids got married. Life is picking up however...they will never be ‘normal’ as before he left. Their lives are shattered and glued back with tons of very visible cracks...

So the question is. If he stayed putting his life on an altar of family sake - he would be the one who would suffer and had to take it as a man!

Instead lives of 3 women are destroyed forever!

That’s exactly what we are dealing with my Scorp because IF something like that would happen - he will commit himself! So would I...

And kids ARE different. I know my daughter would be fine with my decision. Because she is my girl. If in happy - she is happy.

But his son admiring his father as the best man ever walked the Earth - I know he wouldn’t make it! His daughter is almost the same way.

So I quess there is really no way...

Posted by Awesome

Posted by Gemitati
I am back to my old thoughts about is this correct to let kids hold parent who wants to leave a hostage by possibility of them going on drugs and screwing their lives. So parent staying and suffering quietly...

Many of you said it’s wrong to give into kids blackmailing...however just want to tell something that happened in our family.

I’ll try short.

Man and wife (our relatives) with 2 kids had sexless marriage due to...from his side - she wouldn’t put out. From her side - she is hurt by him cheating.

When kids turned 19 and 14 he had decided to leave. Talked to kids. Love and connection between him and kids was unbelievable! Much closer than with mom.aonhe left.

After him gone 3 women - wife and 2 girls went on a heavily meds. Younger did drigs, older gained 200lb, wife was totally destroyed...until he died.

Years went by. All women still on pills for brain function. Finally both kids got married. Life is picking up however...they will never be ‘normal’ as before he left. Their lives are shattered and glued back with tons of very visible cracks...

So the question is. If he stayed putting his life on an altar of family sake - he would be the one who would suffer and had to take it as a man!

Instead lives of 3 women are destroyed forever!

That’s exactly what we are dealing with my Scorp because IF something like that would happen - he will commit himself! So would I...

And kids ARE different. I know my daughter would be fine with my decision. Because she is my girl. If in happy - she is happy.

But his son admiring his father as the best man ever walked the Earth - I know he wouldn’t make it! His daughter is almost the same way.

So I quess there is really no way...

A thoughtful compromise can be one way... which might save the entire family.

click to expand

Do tell please. You might still save someone...

Posted by Awesome

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Awesome

Posted by Gemitati
I am back to my old thoughts about is this correct to let kids hold parent who wants to leave a hostage by possibility of them going on drugs and screwing their lives. So parent staying and suffering quietly...

Many of you said it’s wrong to give into kids blackmailing...however just want to tell something that happened in our family.

I’ll try short.

Man and wife (our relatives) with 2 kids had sexless marriage due to...from his side - she wouldn’t put out. From her side - she is hurt by him cheating.

When kids turned 19 and 14 he had decided to leave. Talked to kids. Love and connection between him and kids was unbelievable! Much closer than with mom.aonhe left.

After him gone 3 women - wife and 2 girls went on a heavily meds. Younger did drigs, older gained 200lb, wife was totally destroyed...until he died.

Years went by. All women still on pills for brain function. Finally both kids got married. Life is picking up however...they will never be ‘normal’ as before he left. Their lives are shattered and glued back with tons of very visible cracks...

So the question is. If he stayed putting his life on an altar of family sake - he would be the one who would suffer and had to take it as a man!

Instead lives of 3 women are destroyed forever!

That’s exactly what we are dealing with my Scorp because IF something like that would happen - he will commit himself! So would I...

And kids ARE different. I know my daughter would be fine with my decision. Because she is my girl. If in happy - she is happy.

But his son admiring his father as the best man ever walked the Earth - I know he wouldn’t make it! His daughter is almost the same way.

So I quess there is really no way...

A thoughtful compromise can be one way... which might save the entire family.

Do tell please. You might still save someone...

I dont know the exact situation but i think all the parties involved must sit face to face with each other along with a third party (mediator). A nice and healthy conversation/debate must take place and the mediator should do his job to the T. Basically create a WIN-WIN situation. It's very hard to put it in words. like, show them all a mirror.

click to expand

Honey! Let’s make a deal that you speak about things you actually know about!

Your post is a nonsense. Live a little!

Posted by Squishy_Marshmallow

Posted by Gemitati
I am back to my old thoughts about is this correct to let kids hold parent who wants to leave a hostage by possibility of them going on drugs and screwing their lives. So parent staying and suffering quietly...

Many of you said it’s wrong to give into kids blackmailing...however just want to tell something that happened in our family.

I’ll try short.

Man and wife (our relatives) with 2 kids had sexless marriage due to...from his side - she wouldn’t put out. From her side - she is hurt by him cheating.

When kids turned 19 and 14 he had decided to leave. Talked to kids. Love and connection between him and kids was unbelievable! Much closer than with mom.aonhe left.

After him gone 3 women - wife and 2 girls went on a heavily meds. Younger did drigs, older gained 200lb, wife was totally destroyed...until he died.

Years went by. All women still on pills for brain function. Finally both kids got married. Life is picking up however...they will never be ‘normal’ as before he left. Their lives are shattered and glued back with tons of very visible cracks...

So the question is. If he stayed putting his life on an altar of family sake - he would be the one who would suffer and had to take it as a man!

Instead lives of 3 women are destroyed forever!

That’s exactly what we are dealing with my Scorp because IF something like that would happen - he will commit himself! So would I...

And kids ARE different. I know my daughter would be fine with my decision. Because she is my girl. If in happy - she is happy.

But his son admiring his father as the best man ever walked the Earth - I know he wouldn’t make it! His daughter is almost the same way.

So I quess there is really no way...

How old is his son?

Does he love his wife?

click to expand

Son is 23. Daughter is 27.

And marriage is 30 y/old.

And from what I know there was no love to begin with and like I said on her FB he never even looks at her. When she is hanging off of him - he just staring Inna camera. His waits were ‘I am living a lie’...

Posted by Awesome

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Awesome

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Awesome

Posted by Gemitati
I am back to my old thoughts about is this correct to let kids hold parent who wants to leave a hostage by possibility of them going on drugs and screwing their lives. So parent staying and suffering quietly...

Many of you said it’s wrong to give into kids blackmailing...however just want to tell something that happened in our family.

I’ll try short.

Man and wife (our relatives) with 2 kids had sexless marriage due to...from his side - she wouldn’t put out. From her side - she is hurt by him cheating.

When kids turned 19 and 14 he had decided to leave. Talked to kids. Love and connection between him and kids was unbelievable! Much closer than with mom.aonhe left.

After him gone 3 women - wife and 2 girls went on a heavily meds. Younger did drigs, older gained 200lb, wife was totally destroyed...until he died.

Years went by. All women still on pills for brain function. Finally both kids got married. Life is picking up however...they will never be ‘normal’ as before he left. Their lives are shattered and glued back with tons of very visible cracks...

So the question is. If he stayed putting his life on an altar of family sake - he would be the one who would suffer and had to take it as a man!

Instead lives of 3 women are destroyed forever!

That’s exactly what we are dealing with my Scorp because IF something like that would happen - he will commit himself! So would I...

And kids ARE different. I know my daughter would be fine with my decision. Because she is my girl. If in happy - she is happy.

But his son admiring his father as the best man ever walked the Earth - I know he wouldn’t make it! His daughter is almost the same way.

So I quess there is really no way...

A thoughtful compromise can be one way... which might save the entire family.

Do tell please. You might still save someone...

I dont know the exact situation but i think all the parties involved must sit face to face with each other along with a third party (mediator). A nice and healthy conversation/debate must take place and the mediator should do his job to the T. Basically create a WIN-WIN situation. It's very hard to put it in words. like, show them all a mirror.

Honey! Let’s make a deal that you speak about things you actually know about!

Your post is a nonsense. Live a little!

LOL, if only you had a proper functioning brain. Anyways happy to help.

click to expand

You can’t help! Help in a animal shelter...maybe it’ll teach you some life...

Posted by Squishy_Marshmallow

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Squishy_Marshmallow

Posted by Gemitati
I am back to my old thoughts about is this correct to let kids hold parent who wants to leave a hostage by possibility of them going on drugs and screwing their lives. So parent staying and suffering quietly...

Many of you said it’s wrong to give into kids blackmailing...however just want to tell something that happened in our family.

I’ll try short.

Man and wife (our relatives) with 2 kids had sexless marriage due to...from his side - she wouldn’t put out. From her side - she is hurt by him cheating.

When kids turned 19 and 14 he had decided to leave. Talked to kids. Love and connection between him and kids was unbelievable! Much closer than with mom.aonhe left.

After him gone 3 women - wife and 2 girls went on a heavily meds. Younger did drigs, older gained 200lb, wife was totally destroyed...until he died.

Years went by. All women still on pills for brain function. Finally both kids got married. Life is picking up however...they will never be ‘normal’ as before he left. Their lives are shattered and glued back with tons of very visible cracks...

So the question is. If he stayed putting his life on an altar of family sake - he would be the one who would suffer and had to take it as a man!

Instead lives of 3 women are destroyed forever!

That’s exactly what we are dealing with my Scorp because IF something like that would happen - he will commit himself! So would I...

And kids ARE different. I know my daughter would be fine with my decision. Because she is my girl. If in happy - she is happy.

But his son admiring his father as the best man ever walked the Earth - I know he wouldn’t make it! His daughter is almost the same way.

So I quess there is really no way...

How old is his son?

Does he love his wife?

Son is 23. Daughter is 27.

And marriage is 30 y/old.

And from what I know there was no love to begin with and like I said on her FB he never even looks at her. When she is hanging off of him - he just staring Inna camera. His waits were ‘I am living a lie’...

Son is an adult.

I believe after that many years people start to become comfortable. Maybe that's what he's afraid to leave.

If not.

He has to sit down and talk to them.

Idk

I wish you won't struggle this much. I don't want to say anything about separation and stuff. I mean he is somebody else's husband. I'm not saying this in a mean way.

Sorry. I just hope you find happiness. And peace.

Sorry, Tatim I'm not of any help.

click to expand

That’s why I wrote an example about my family! He did talked to them! They said ok but it messed up their lives!!!

Scorps apparently acting weird because his son went to talk to his brother about ‘daddy wants to leave is’...and Scorp was so proper about it. He left me out of it completely and dealt with shit until his son went to talk to his brother...then he crashed...and told me asking what to do now?

Posted by Squishy_Marshmallow

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Squishy_Marshmallow

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Squishy_Marshmallow

Posted by Gemitati
I am back to my old thoughts about is this correct to let kids hold parent who wants to leave a hostage by possibility of them going on drugs and screwing their lives. So parent staying and suffering quietly...

Many of you said it’s wrong to give into kids blackmailing...however just want to tell something that happened in our family.

I’ll try short.

Man and wife (our relatives) with 2 kids had sexless marriage due to...from his side - she wouldn’t put out. From her side - she is hurt by him cheating.

When kids turned 19 and 14 he had decided to leave. Talked to kids. Love and connection between him and kids was unbelievable! Much closer than with mom.aonhe left.

After him gone 3 women - wife and 2 girls went on a heavily meds. Younger did drigs, older gained 200lb, wife was totally destroyed...until he died.

Years went by. All women still on pills for brain function. Finally both kids got married. Life is picking up however...they will never be ‘normal’ as before he left. Their lives are shattered and glued back with tons of very visible cracks...

So the question is. If he stayed putting his life on an altar of family sake - he would be the one who would suffer and had to take it as a man!

Instead lives of 3 women are destroyed forever!

That’s exactly what we are dealing with my Scorp because IF something like that would happen - he will commit himself! So would I...

And kids ARE different. I know my daughter would be fine with my decision. Because she is my girl. If in happy - she is happy.

But his son admiring his father as the best man ever walked the Earth - I know he wouldn’t make it! His daughter is almost the same way.

So I quess there is really no way...

How old is his son?

Does he love his wife?

Son is 23. Daughter is 27.

And marriage is 30 y/old.

And from what I know there was no love to begin with and like I said on her FB he never even looks at her. When she is hanging off of him - he just staring Inna camera. His waits were ‘I am living a lie’...

Son is an adult.

I believe after that many years people start to become comfortable. Maybe that's what he's afraid to leave.

If not.

He has to sit down and talk to them.

Idk

I wish you won't struggle this much. I don't want to say anything about separation and stuff. I mean he is somebody else's husband. I'm not saying this in a mean way.

Sorry. I just hope you find happiness. And peace.

Sorry, Tatim I'm not of any help.

That’s why I wrote an example about my family! He did talked to them! They said ok but it messed up their lives!!!

Scorps apparently acting weird because his son went to talk to his brother about ‘daddy wants to leave is’...and Scorp was so proper about it. He left me out of it completely and dealt with shit until his son went to talk to his brother...then he crashed...and told me asking what to do now?

He has made his decision and this has dragged on for years. I feel it's time you made up your mind. I won't recommend anything as an action.

But do the right thing.

click to expand

He hadn’t made his ‘decision’ - this is why he asks me...I was always able to give him an advice. Including his children!

So I was about to tell him to stop being a hostage to your kids...when all of a sudden I remembered that story and it hit me...god forbid his son will get on drugs in spite...all of our lives will messed up!

So I haven’t said nothing yet...but I have to say...something because he is waiting...

You are only responsible for your own choices. Whose to say they wouldn't have still done drugs and gain the weight if he had stayed.

Posted by Gemitati
I am back to my old thoughts about is this correct to let kids hold parent who wants to leave a hostage by possibility of them going on drugs and screwing their lives. So parent staying and suffering quietly...

Many of you said it’s wrong to give into kids blackmailing...however just want to tell something that happened in our family.

I’ll try short.

Man and wife (our relatives) with 2 kids had sexless marriage due to...from his side - she wouldn’t put out. From her side - she is hurt by him cheating.

When kids turned 19 and 14 he had decided to leave. Talked to kids. Love and connection between him and kids was unbelievable! Much closer than with mom.aonhe left.

After him gone 3 women - wife and 2 girls went on a heavily meds. Younger did drigs, older gained 200lb, wife was totally destroyed...until he died.

Years went by. All women still on pills for brain function. Finally both kids got married. Life is picking up however...they will never be ‘normal’ as before he left. Their lives are shattered and glued back with tons of very visible cracks...

So the question is. If he stayed putting his life on an altar of family sake - he would be the one who would suffer and had to take it as a man!

Instead lives of 3 women are destroyed forever!

That’s exactly what we are dealing with my Scorp because IF something like that would happen - he will commit himself! So would I...

And kids ARE different. I know my daughter would be fine with my decision. Because she is my girl. If in happy - she is happy.

But his son admiring his father as the best man ever walked the Earth - I know he wouldn’t make it! His daughter is almost the same way.

So I quess there is really no way...

staying with family is very very old school/religious and keeping together for the traditional way...and i love tradition, but they are unhappy and sometimes you love people and are comfortable with them and they stay even if you are unhappy. People dont want to pursue their selfish desires because they want to keep things together for the family.

and they feel super guilty for this too. it's up to them, and their life, they should do what they want. You can't make the decisions for them. they have to do it.

it's sad about what happened to them but i agree with @ladyneptune.

it's nice that you care, @gemitati.

Posted by Gemitati
That’s exactly what we are dealing with my Scorp because IF something like that would happen - he will commit himself! So would I...

Have you told the scorp how you let the cancer nut in you repeatedly? You tell each other EVERYTHING, right?

It really depends on how the adults deal with it in my opinion. My kids have been fine, but their dad and I get along really well, the choice to separate was mutual, we still get together for holidays or sometimes just Sunday dinner.

If one or both parents decide to be an emotional wreck that is really on them and the result is that the kids feel like they have to take sides or care for the parent.

People shouldn't stay together in a loveless marriage, but both parties really have to put the kids before themselves. You don't fall apart in front of your children. Period. They don't need that ish.

my opinion:

you expect us to tell you how to tell him what to do but it doesn't work that way

I'm not sure why he asks you what to do because ultimately your response will be favorable to you

he has to do what he has to do or wants to do and there isn't anything you can do to change that

and as for the family that got left behind and struggled - I guess they just depended on Dad too much to satisfy their needs and keep them straight - there is no reason they had to go into a downward spiral of drugs and bad behavior - that was their choice

as someone else just said - move on and be happy

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Gemitati
That’s exactly what we are dealing with my Scorp because IF something like that would happen - he will commit himself! So would I...

Have you told the scorp how you let the cancer nut in you repeatedly? You tell each other EVERYTHING, right?

click to expand

Not after we had a first argument and stopped talking. Now he contacting me with updates but it’s more like friendship.

And yes if we ever get to talk about sex I will tell him.

They’re adults. At some point, they have to become responsible for their own feelings. Is using their well-being a fatherly, chivalrous thing to do or is it a crutch? Only you are close enough to decide.

Posted by tctao
my opinion:

you expect us to tell you how to tell him what to do but it doesn't work that way

I'm not sure why he asks you what to do because ultimately your response will be favorable to you

he has to do what he has to do or wants to do and there isn't anything you can do to change that

and as for the family that got left behind and struggled - I guess they just depended on Dad too much to satisfy their needs and keep them straight - there is no reason they had to go into a downward spiral of drugs and bad behavior - that was their choice

as someone else just said - move on and be happy

You are so strong - stronger than life!

So you deny that people love to each other can be so deep that when you lose them - your world crushing and you finding yourself in a ciruation which you can’t seal with. And it takes tremendous amount of strength to survive the blow that not everyone like you possess.

And I don’t ask to be asked what he needs to do. He reaches out to me in times when he wants to let me know that he is still trying and wanting to share. We were food friends for so long and he can’t talk about some things with anyone else but me.

What am I supposed to do? Refuse to listen? I am not like you. I haven’t been abused and haven’t developed attitude as you did. And I understand that people aren’t made of stone and need people to share and soothe their pains.

To each it’s own.

And like I said before - you don’t know what is laying ahead of you and maybe you will remember me one day and feel sorry that you’ve been this way.

Never say never.

Posted by Juliiette
Your scorp is a hero. Staying in marriage for his kids in a really sensitive age. 27 and 23, i mean they just left puberty.

That’s how I am viewing him. And knowing his son and his admiration for his father I wouldn’t jeopardize it by saying ‘he is an adult! Let him deal with it!’ Because God forbid - I don’t need to live with a man who’s child we destroyed...

Thanks

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by tctao
my opinion:

you expect us to tell you how to tell him what to do but it doesn't work that way

I'm not sure why he asks you what to do because ultimately your response will be favorable to you

he has to do what he has to do or wants to do and there isn't anything you can do to change that

and as for the family that got left behind and struggled - I guess they just depended on Dad too much to satisfy their needs and keep them straight - there is no reason they had to go into a downward spiral of drugs and bad behavior - that was their choice

as someone else just said - move on and be happy

You are so strong - stronger than life!

So you deny that people love to each other can be so deep that when you lose them - your world crushing and you finding yourself in a ciruation which you can’t seal with. And it takes tremendous amount of strength to survive the blow that not everyone like you possess.

And I don’t ask to be asked what he needs to do. He reaches out to me in times when he wants to let me know that he is still trying and wanting to share. We were food friends for so long and he can’t talk about some things with anyone else but me.

What am I supposed to do? Refuse to listen? I am not like you. I haven’t been abused and haven’t developed attitude as you did. And I understand that people aren’t made of stone and need people to share and soothe their pains.

To each it’s own.

And like I said before - you don’t know what is laying ahead of you and maybe you will remember me one day and feel sorry that you’ve been this way.

Never say never.

click to expand

I am sorry that you continue in this situation but I am not sorry that I throw in my opinion because you asked and I've been there long ago - no, it's not easy - not easy at all - but it is life and life goes on and it isn't always fair.

Posted by tctao

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by tctao
my opinion:

you expect us to tell you how to tell him what to do but it doesn't work that way

I'm not sure why he asks you what to do because ultimately your response will be favorable to you

he has to do what he has to do or wants to do and there isn't anything you can do to change that

and as for the family that got left behind and struggled - I guess they just depended on Dad too much to satisfy their needs and keep them straight - there is no reason they had to go into a downward spiral of drugs and bad behavior - that was their choice

as someone else just said - move on and be happy

You are so strong - stronger than life!

So you deny that people love to each other can be so deep that when you lose them - your world crushing and you finding yourself in a ciruation which you can’t seal with. And it takes tremendous amount of strength to survive the blow that not everyone like you possess.

And I don’t ask to be asked what he needs to do. He reaches out to me in times when he wants to let me know that he is still trying and wanting to share. We were food friends for so long and he can’t talk about some things with anyone else but me.

What am I supposed to do? Refuse to listen? I am not like you. I haven’t been abused and haven’t developed attitude as you did. And I understand that people aren’t made of stone and need people to share and soothe their pains.

To each it’s own.

And like I said before - you don’t know what is laying ahead of you and maybe you will remember me one day and feel sorry that you’ve been this way.

Never say never.

I am sorry that you continue in this situation but I am not sorry that I throw in my opinion because you asked and I've been there long ago - no, it's not easy - not easy at all - but it is life and life goes on and it isn't always fair.

click to expand

You free to express yourself but I had to reply to you. I just don’t believe in totally unemotional people existence. You must have your soft spot. And I know that life goes on. I just don’t have anybody I can talk to about it. And like I said - I almost made a mistake after reading in here that ‘he can’t be held hostage by his son’ when my own family story just hit me in a brain!

Like...wait! If he stayed - he would be the only one who is suffering. Instead him AND family got screwed up...so...wait...shit up and don’t open your pie hole because ‘hostage’ phrase seemed correct at one moment!

That was the purpose of this post. Looking at the cituation from another perspective.

And letting know tonthe others that we can’t really advice on such difficult subjects. Specially if you know that person is value your opinion...

Right?

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by tctao

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by tctao
my opinion:

you expect us to tell you how to tell him what to do but it doesn't work that way

I'm not sure why he asks you what to do because ultimately your response will be favorable to you

he has to do what he has to do or wants to do and there isn't anything you can do to change that

and as for the family that got left behind and struggled - I guess they just depended on Dad too much to satisfy their needs and keep them straight - there is no reason they had to go into a downward spiral of drugs and bad behavior - that was their choice

as someone else just said - move on and be happy

You are so strong - stronger than life!

So you deny that people love to each other can be so deep that when you lose them - your world crushing and you finding yourself in a ciruation which you can’t seal with. And it takes tremendous amount of strength to survive the blow that not everyone like you possess.

And I don’t ask to be asked what he needs to do. He reaches out to me in times when he wants to let me know that he is still trying and wanting to share. We were food friends for so long and he can’t talk about some things with anyone else but me.

What am I supposed to do? Refuse to listen? I am not like you. I haven’t been abused and haven’t developed attitude as you did. And I understand that people aren’t made of stone and need people to share and soothe their pains.

To each it’s own.

And like I said before - you don’t know what is laying ahead of you and maybe you will remember me one day and feel sorry that you’ve been this way.

Never say never.

I am sorry that you continue in this situation but I am not sorry that I throw in my opinion because you asked and I've been there long ago - no, it's not easy - not easy at all - but it is life and life goes on and it isn't always fair.

You free to express yourself but I had to reply to you. I just don’t believe in totally unemotional people existence. You must have your soft spot. And I know that life goes on. I just don’t have anybody I can talk to about it. And like I said - I almost made a mistake after reading in here that ‘he can’t be held hostage by his son’ when my own family story just hit me in a brain!

Like...wait! If he stayed - he would be the only one who is suffering. Instead him AND family got screwed up...so...wait...shit up and don’t open your pie hole because ‘hostage’ phrase seemed correct at one moment!

That was the purpose of this post. Looking at the cituation from another perspective.

And letting know tonthe others that we can’t really advice on such difficult subjects. Specially if you know that person is value your opinion...

Right?

click to expand

advice/opinions - not sure there is much difference but it's up to you to take it or leave it

my advice would be to save yourself - you are a hostage to this situation and it is consuming you; if you keep going back because you are "friends" you will never get away from this

- I am leaving the office now and will be unplugged until Monday

Posted by tctao

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by tctao

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by tctao
my opinion:

you expect us to tell you how to tell him what to do but it doesn't work that way

I'm not sure why he asks you what to do because ultimately your response will be favorable to you

he has to do what he has to do or wants to do and there isn't anything you can do to change that

and as for the family that got left behind and struggled - I guess they just depended on Dad too much to satisfy their needs and keep them straight - there is no reason they had to go into a downward spiral of drugs and bad behavior - that was their choice

as someone else just said - move on and be happy

You are so strong - stronger than life!

So you deny that people love to each other can be so deep that when you lose them - your world crushing and you finding yourself in a ciruation which you can’t seal with. And it takes tremendous amount of strength to survive the blow that not everyone like you possess.

And I don’t ask to be asked what he needs to do. He reaches out to me in times when he wants to let me know that he is still trying and wanting to share. We were food friends for so long and he can’t talk about some things with anyone else but me.

What am I supposed to do? Refuse to listen? I am not like you. I haven’t been abused and haven’t developed attitude as you did. And I understand that people aren’t made of stone and need people to share and soothe their pains.

To each it’s own.

And like I said before - you don’t know what is laying ahead of you and maybe you will remember me one day and feel sorry that you’ve been this way.

Never say never.

I am sorry that you continue in this situation but I am not sorry that I throw in my opinion because you asked and I've been there long ago - no, it's not easy - not easy at all - but it is life and life goes on and it isn't always fair.

You free to express yourself but I had to reply to you. I just don’t believe in totally unemotional people existence. You must have your soft spot. And I know that life goes on. I just don’t have anybody I can talk to about it. And like I said - I almost made a mistake after reading in here that ‘he can’t be held hostage by his son’ when my own family story just hit me in a brain!

Like...wait! If he stayed - he would be the only one who is suffering. Instead him AND family got screwed up...so...wait...shit up and don’t open your pie hole because ‘hostage’ phrase seemed correct at one moment!

That was the purpose of this post. Looking at the cituation from another perspective.

And letting know tonthe others that we can’t really advice on such difficult subjects. Specially if you know that person is value your opinion...

Right?

advice/opinions - not sure there is much difference but it's up to you to take it or leave it

my advice would be to save yourself - you are a hostage to this situation and it is consuming you; if you keep going back because you are "friends" you will never get away from this

- I am leaving the office now and will be unplugged until Monday

click to expand

Mission Impossible! Lol

Posted by Juliiette
But if that's how you raise your kids, that they have a say in things that are not their business, that you somehow have to suffer since a suffering parent is certainly better that satisfied one, that you treat them like babies on the other hand and that everything is somehow related to them, hey i would do drugs as well and fall apart.

You ease your kids the only way you know how...trying your best!

And being a role model for them isn’t the worse way to raise them! Having them loving you isn’t the bad way! Having them happy in a family and wanting to continue to be happy - how bad is that?

And where is the formula how to not to have your kids fall apart? Sometimes they do from their own problems. But if you as a parent hurting them - food luck nevermining it...

Gemi, the thing is that your Scorp doesnt want to leave his wife.... he is unhappy, bla bla, telling you he doesnt want to leave because of the children... no, he doesnt want to leave the wife, sorry....

the wife cheated on him and seems to be a vapid thing, but he is somehow really attached to her.... maybe because she doesnt love him too much, that is why he is unhappy.... see, you loved him crazily for many years and he just stays with her.... you are the "go-to best friend" in case he wants consoling and smoothing (and some action)

I really think its about her, not about the children

he is not going to leave her

Posted by Pandora101
Gemi, the thing is that your Scorp doesnt want to leave his wife.... he is unhappy, bla bla, telling you he doesnt want to leave because of the children... no, he doesnt want to leave the wife, sorry....

the wife cheated on him and seems to be a vapid thing, but he is somehow really attached to her.... maybe because she doesnt love him too much, that is why he is unhappy.... see, you loved him crazily for many years and he just stays with her.... you are the "go-to best friend" in case he wants consoling and smoothing (and some action)

I really think its about her, not about the children

he is not going to leave her

Why would you think his son talked to his brother about Scorps doesn’t want to be family anymore?

I know members of his family and if I was crazy I could really find out if it’s a lie!

I just won’t! But he knows I can go batshit crazy and actually make a call!

When he told me he talking to a divorce lawyer - I supposed his wife told children.

This is why shit hit them! Because she knew his soft spot and hit it!

He backed off but kept going distant.

He left me alone. We haven’t communicated. He was boiling in his own shit and I felt he is dying...then he called me saying he sees dreams being buried alive! You guys have me explanation. I sent it to him. He went MIA.

Came back saying that’s right.

Changing life is imposssible now but ‘let’s take one day at the time’...I agreed as always...

I know it’s about her! She would suck him up dry and he is self made and it would hurt him! It’s all about her! Her actions. Her being oblivious to the world...that’s why he got ME! One who actually cares and listens!!!

Again...that’s not what this tread was supposed to be about but it always comes to same thing. And I’ve moved on. At least trying. However...I just hope he will come to my funeral and die on my corpse from guilt and other feelings...

Posted by Gemitati


So the question is. If he stayed putting his life on an altar of family sake - he would be the one who would suffer and had to take it as a man!

Instead lives of 3 women are destroyed forever!

You're putting the cart before the horse.

In the example you gave, his cheating is the cause of it all... or, his getting caught... He put "his life on an altar" when he married, said wedding vows, and chose to be a father.

Posted by Pandora101
Gemi, the thing is that your Scorp doesnt want to leave his wife.... he is unhappy, bla bla, telling you he doesnt want to leave because of the children... no, he doesnt want to leave the wife, sorry....

the wife cheated on him and seems to be a vapid thing, but he is somehow really attached to her.... maybe because she doesnt love him too much, that is why he is unhappy.... see, you loved him crazily for many years and he just stays with her.... you are the "go-to best friend" in case he wants consoling and smoothing (and some action)

I really think its about her, not about the children

he is not going to leave her

Yes, if anything she may be actually helping their marriage. She probably won't understand that.

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by Pandora101
Gemi, the thing is that your Scorp doesnt want to leave his wife.... he is unhappy, bla bla, telling you he doesnt want to leave because of the children... no, he doesnt want to leave the wife, sorry....

the wife cheated on him and seems to be a vapid thing, but he is somehow really attached to her.... maybe because she doesnt love him too much, that is why he is unhappy.... see, you loved him crazily for many years and he just stays with her.... you are the "go-to best friend" in case he wants consoling and smoothing (and some action)

I really think its about her, not about the children

he is not going to leave her

Yes, if anything she may be actually helping their marriage. She probably won't understand that.

click to expand

I would be glad to do this! I once told him to reconciliate with his wife and in a week he called me and said...there is no way it’s possible! He said ‘our relationships will stay where it is now’...I was glad and sad and fucked up at the same time!

It was waaaay before he told me about her affair...

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Squishy_Marshmallow

Posted by Gemitati
I am back to my old thoughts about is this correct to let kids hold parent who wants to leave a hostage by possibility of them going on drugs and screwing their lives. So parent staying and suffering quietly...

Many of you said it’s wrong to give into kids blackmailing...however just want to tell something that happened in our family.

I’ll try short.

Man and wife (our relatives) with 2 kids had sexless marriage due to...from his side - she wouldn’t put out. From her side - she is hurt by him cheating.

When kids turned 19 and 14 he had decided to leave. Talked to kids. Love and connection between him and kids was unbelievable! Much closer than with mom.aonhe left.

After him gone 3 women - wife and 2 girls went on a heavily meds. Younger did drigs, older gained 200lb, wife was totally destroyed...until he died.

Years went by. All women still on pills for brain function. Finally both kids got married. Life is picking up however...they will never be ‘normal’ as before he left. Their lives are shattered and glued back with tons of very visible cracks...

So the question is. If he stayed putting his life on an altar of family sake - he would be the one who would suffer and had to take it as a man!

Instead lives of 3 women are destroyed forever!

That’s exactly what we are dealing with my Scorp because IF something like that would happen - he will commit himself! So would I...

And kids ARE different. I know my daughter would be fine with my decision. Because she is my girl. If in happy - she is happy.

But his son admiring his father as the best man ever walked the Earth - I know he wouldn’t make it! His daughter is almost the same way.

So I quess there is really no way...

How old is his son?

Does he love his wife?

Son is 23. Daughter is 27.

And marriage is 30 y/old.

And from what I know there was no love to begin with and like I said on her FB he never even looks at her. When she is hanging off of him - he just staring Inna camera. His waits were ‘I am living a lie’...

click to expand

Not looking at your mate, staring into the camera can be the sign of narcissitic behavior. Narcissist don't love anyone, camera or not.

LOL at you analyzing their photos!

Posted by Juliiette
But if that's how you raise your kids, that they have a say in things that are not their business, that you somehow have to suffer since a suffering parent is certainly better that satisfied one, that you treat them like babies on the other hand and that everything is somehow related to them, hey i would do drugs as well and fall apart.

Yes, I told my son that this is my life, my story.

And until he gets out on his own, he is a character in my book of life.

He is 22 and so far likes his role/my life so much, he has not left.

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Squishy_Marshmallow

Posted by Gemitati
I am back to my old thoughts about is this correct to let kids hold parent who wants to leave a hostage by possibility of them going on drugs and screwing their lives. So parent staying and suffering quietly...

Many of you said it’s wrong to give into kids blackmailing...however just want to tell something that happened in our family.

I’ll try short.

Man and wife (our relatives) with 2 kids had sexless marriage due to...from his side - she wouldn’t put out. From her side - she is hurt by him cheating.

When kids turned 19 and 14 he had decided to leave. Talked to kids. Love and connection between him and kids was unbelievable! Much closer than with mom.aonhe left.

After him gone 3 women - wife and 2 girls went on a heavily meds. Younger did drigs, older gained 200lb, wife was totally destroyed...until he died.

Years went by. All women still on pills for brain function. Finally both kids got married. Life is picking up however...they will never be ‘normal’ as before he left. Their lives are shattered and glued back with tons of very visible cracks...

So the question is. If he stayed putting his life on an altar of family sake - he would be the one who would suffer and had to take it as a man!

Instead lives of 3 women are destroyed forever!

That’s exactly what we are dealing with my Scorp because IF something like that would happen - he will commit himself! So would I...

And kids ARE different. I know my daughter would be fine with my decision. Because she is my girl. If in happy - she is happy.

But his son admiring his father as the best man ever walked the Earth - I know he wouldn’t make it! His daughter is almost the same way.

So I quess there is really no way...

How old is his son?

Does he love his wife?

Son is 23. Daughter is 27.

And marriage is 30 y/old.

And from what I know there was no love to begin with and like I said on her FB he never even looks at her. When she is hanging off of him - he just staring Inna camera. His waits were ‘I am living a lie’...

Not looking at your mate, staring into the camera can be the sign of narcissitic behavior. Narcissist don't love anyone, camera or not.

LOL at you analyzing their photos!

click to expand

Wrong! He is too far from narsissistic!

When I told him he is a gorgeous man he said nobody ever told me that!

So...come again! lol

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by Juliiette
But if that's how you raise your kids, that they have a say in things that are not their business, that you somehow have to suffer since a suffering parent is certainly better that satisfied one, that you treat them like babies on the other hand and that everything is somehow related to them, hey i would do drugs as well and fall apart.

Yes, I told my son that this is my life, my story.

And until he gets out on his own, he is a character in my book of life.

He is 22 and so far likes his role/my life so much, he has not left.

click to expand

Was he ever facing losing happy life with his adored father?

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by Juliiette
But if that's how you raise your kids, that they have a say in things that are not their business, that you somehow have to suffer since a suffering parent is certainly better that satisfied one, that you treat them like babies on the other hand and that everything is somehow related to them, hey i would do drugs as well and fall apart.

Yes, I told my son that this is my life, my story.

And until he gets out on his own, he is a character in my book of life.

He is 22 and so far likes his role/my life so much, he has not left.

Was he ever facing losing happy life with his adored father?

click to expand

Yes, I divorced and remarried his father.

Keep looking for excuses.

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Squishy_Marshmallow

Posted by Gemitati
I am back to my old thoughts about is this correct to let kids hold parent who wants to leave a hostage by possibility of them going on drugs and screwing their lives. So parent staying and suffering quietly...

Many of you said it’s wrong to give into kids blackmailing...however just want to tell something that happened in our family.

I’ll try short.

Man and wife (our relatives) with 2 kids had sexless marriage due to...from his side - she wouldn’t put out. From her side - she is hurt by him cheating.

When kids turned 19 and 14 he had decided to leave. Talked to kids. Love and connection between him and kids was unbelievable! Much closer than with mom.aonhe left.

After him gone 3 women - wife and 2 girls went on a heavily meds. Younger did drigs, older gained 200lb, wife was totally destroyed...until he died.

Years went by. All women still on pills for brain function. Finally both kids got married. Life is picking up however...they will never be ‘normal’ as before he left. Their lives are shattered and glued back with tons of very visible cracks...

So the question is. If he stayed putting his life on an altar of family sake - he would be the one who would suffer and had to take it as a man!

Instead lives of 3 women are destroyed forever!

That’s exactly what we are dealing with my Scorp because IF something like that would happen - he will commit himself! So would I...

And kids ARE different. I know my daughter would be fine with my decision. Because she is my girl. If in happy - she is happy.

But his son admiring his father as the best man ever walked the Earth - I know he wouldn’t make it! His daughter is almost the same way.

So I quess there is really no way...

How old is his son?

Does he love his wife?

Son is 23. Daughter is 27.

And marriage is 30 y/old.

And from what I know there was no love to begin with and like I said on her FB he never even looks at her. When she is hanging off of him - he just staring Inna camera. His waits were ‘I am living a lie’...

Not looking at your mate, staring into the camera can be the sign of narcissitic behavior. Narcissist don't love anyone, camera or not.

LOL at you analyzing their photos!

Wrong! He is too far from narsissistic!

When I told him he is a gorgeous man he said nobody ever told me that!

So...come again! lol

click to expand

You really are delusional at this point and it is affecting your comprehension. The simple point is your analysis and interpretation of him looking in the camera instead of his wife as "I am living a lie" is delusional. I gave you another potential interpretation. I can give you more...

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by Juliiette
But if that's how you raise your kids, that they have a say in things that are not their business, that you somehow have to suffer since a suffering parent is certainly better that satisfied one, that you treat them like babies on the other hand and that everything is somehow related to them, hey i would do drugs as well and fall apart.

Yes, I told my son that this is my life, my story.

And until he gets out on his own, he is a character in my book of life.

He is 22 and so far likes his role/my life so much, he has not left.

Was he ever facing losing happy life with his adored father?

Yes, I divorced and remarried his father.

Keep looking for excuses.

click to expand

Fuck! Thanks. I wish I was dead...

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Squishy_Marshmallow

Posted by Gemitati
I am back to my old thoughts about is this correct to let kids hold parent who wants to leave a hostage by possibility of them going on drugs and screwing their lives. So parent staying and suffering quietly...

Many of you said it’s wrong to give into kids blackmailing...however just want to tell something that happened in our family.

I’ll try short.

Man and wife (our relatives) with 2 kids had sexless marriage due to...from his side - she wouldn’t put out. From her side - she is hurt by him cheating.

When kids turned 19 and 14 he had decided to leave. Talked to kids. Love and connection between him and kids was unbelievable! Much closer than with mom.aonhe left.

After him gone 3 women - wife and 2 girls went on a heavily meds. Younger did drigs, older gained 200lb, wife was totally destroyed...until he died.

Years went by. All women still on pills for brain function. Finally both kids got married. Life is picking up however...they will never be ‘normal’ as before he left. Their lives are shattered and glued back with tons of very visible cracks...

So the question is. If he stayed putting his life on an altar of family sake - he would be the one who would suffer and had to take it as a man!

Instead lives of 3 women are destroyed forever!

That’s exactly what we are dealing with my Scorp because IF something like that would happen - he will commit himself! So would I...

And kids ARE different. I know my daughter would be fine with my decision. Because she is my girl. If in happy - she is happy.

But his son admiring his father as the best man ever walked the Earth - I know he wouldn’t make it! His daughter is almost the same way.

So I quess there is really no way...

How old is his son?

Does he love his wife?

Son is 23. Daughter is 27.

And marriage is 30 y/old.

And from what I know there was no love to begin with and like I said on her FB he never even looks at her. When she is hanging off of him - he just staring Inna camera. His waits were ‘I am living a lie’...

Not looking at your mate, staring into the camera can be the sign of narcissitic behavior. Narcissist don't love anyone, camera or not.

LOL at you analyzing their photos!

Wrong! He is too far from narsissistic!

When I told him he is a gorgeous man he said nobody ever told me that!

So...come again! lol

You really are delusional at this point and it is affecting your comprehension. The simple point is your analysis and interpretation of him looking in the camera instead of his wife as "I am living a lie" is delusional. I gave you another potential interpretation. I can give you more...

click to expand

Please do...it’s all welcome. Thanks

Posted by Juliiette

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Juliiette
Your scorp is a hero. Staying in marriage for his kids in a really sensitive age. 27 and 23, i mean they just left puberty.

That’s how I am viewing him. And knowing his son and his admiration for his father I wouldn’t jeopardize it by saying ‘he is an adult! Let him deal with it!’ Because God forbid - I don’t need to live with a man who’s child we destroyed...

Thanks

😳

I was sarcastic.

click to expand

lol thats what i thought too.

lots of people leave while the children are babies or even little children. not adults.

and the children are fine, they get over it and realize later in life that is how it is and see that their parents are happier without eachother. that they are finally free from the shackles of misery.

it can work both ways.

he is in his own prison, if he's unhappy, just let him be. you can't do anything for him.

Posted by Toti
"Staying for the kids" can be observed as a noble sacrifice. I observe it as an act of nonsense though. Two people can have great lives being divorced as opposed to the miserable marriage they live in. Our kids don't need our advices, but our examples. What we are teaching them by staying in loveless marriage, cheating on their beloved mother or father,...?

Kids turning blind eye on what’s going on with their parents. Specially if due to the working schedule parents hardly see each other. And at families gatherings they pitnonbhappy faces!

And not all the adults announcing their infidelity to their children. Don’t you know that?

Posted by Toti

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Toti
"Staying for the kids" can be observed as a noble sacrifice. I observe it as an act of nonsense though. Two people can have great lives being divorced as opposed to the miserable marriage they live in. Our kids don't need our advices, but our examples. What we are teaching them by staying in loveless marriage, cheating on their beloved mother or father,...?

Kids turning blind eye on what’s going on with their parents. Specially if due to the working schedule parents hardly see each other. And at families gatherings they pitnonbhappy faces!

And not all the adults announcing their infidelity to their children. Don’t you know that?

Kids always know everything, feel everything... People are rarely honest with infidelity with their partners, but people always know if they are cheated on or not. Turning blind eye approach to life is doomed to failure. Perhaps the failure would happen later than sooner, but will inevitably happen. It's a sad situation indeed.

click to expand

I told him once that kids sees everything.

He said ‘you think?’ and in a few weeks his son went talking to his uncle...