Icky
@PilatesBod
1 Year
Comments: 550 · Posts: 456 · Topics: 10
Types of intimacy
Posted by Generously910
I got anxiety reading all these types of intimacy 🫠
lol that’s fair. Is it the word intimacy itself that feels heavy or suffocating? Does it feel less anxiety inducing if it’s just ‘financial understanding’. Or is it overwhelming to be expected to show up in all of these different ways?
Well I had a very long relationship where we just made each other super happy doing anything together so I could be biased.
But to me that is the ultimate goal of a relationship. Not just sex, but someone you enjoy cooking with, traveling with, cuddling and watching films with, just basically everything makes you happy and relaxed. You make each other laugh. Even in hard times at the end of the day you cuddle and remember how amazing it is to feel each other's love. That is love and what a loving relationship is.
Otherwise, just sex and sexual chemistry gets boring after a while. I don't know how those couples operate who never talk and just do chores and sex 😂
But to me that is the ultimate goal of a relationship. Not just sex, but someone you enjoy cooking with, traveling with, cuddling and watching films with, just basically everything makes you happy and relaxed. You make each other laugh. Even in hard times at the end of the day you cuddle and remember how amazing it is to feel each other's love. That is love and what a loving relationship is.
Otherwise, just sex and sexual chemistry gets boring after a while. I don't know how those couples operate who never talk and just do chores and sex 😂
He might be a Libra after. Overthinking it all. Jk.
That's a lot tho. # 2 is my downfall.
That's a lot tho. # 2 is my downfall.
I like cooking together or eating out
Having someone cook for me is very low on the list of priorities
Having someone cook for me is very low on the list of priorities
going by his logic, none of us really need anyone. cleaning is basic hygiene activity, work is a basic resource-sustaining activity and cooking is a normal, basic human survival activity.
and if we're gonna go by that other guy here who says who needs mental connection when there's AI now? yeah but it's not like there aren't sex robots for them to need women in general now apparently. uhh good for them?
i think there are people (especially men) who just can't have lasting mental/emotional connections and maybe it's time for them to just accept that they're approaching their 40s and 50s trying to explain to themselves and everyone around them why they're not in fact in the midst of the male loneliness epidemic but things just aren't working out with anyone coz a girl is not too tall or too short with sharp knees and malformed elbows, it's just that they won't stay with these men for very good reason i bet.
and if we're gonna go by that other guy here who says who needs mental connection when there's AI now? yeah but it's not like there aren't sex robots for them to need women in general now apparently. uhh good for them?
i think there are people (especially men) who just can't have lasting mental/emotional connections and maybe it's time for them to just accept that they're approaching their 40s and 50s trying to explain to themselves and everyone around them why they're not in fact in the midst of the male loneliness epidemic but things just aren't working out with anyone coz a girl is not too tall or too short with sharp knees and malformed elbows, it's just that they won't stay with these men for very good reason i bet.
I dont know how on brand for this topic this will be, b u t, I found me a man who's just my type...unavailable! Es OK though, I think him & could have strong spiritual connection.
https://www.instagram.com/p/DXZimePjKgv/
OK, I'm being an ass... I'll exit over here now ----->
https://www.instagram.com/p/DXZimePjKgv/
OK, I'm being an ass... I'll exit over here now ----->
Posted by Argus
I dont know how on brand for this topic this will be, b u t, I found me a man who's just my type...unavailable! Es OK though, I think him & could have strong spiritual connection.
https://www.instagram.com/p/DXZimePjKgv/
OK, I'm being an ass... I'll exit over here now ----->
Lmao this unfortunately is my sense of humor. Reminds me so much of my cap bestie
Posted by FuelAirPropellant
He might be a Libra after. Overthinking it all. Jk.
That's a lot tho. # 2 is my downfall.
To be fair, the rest of his chart is all Scorpio and he was born on a cusp. It’s just when I pull his chart it says Libra sun. He refuses to accept it lol. He has a Scorpio tattoo. It is his entire identity.
Posted by PilatesBodPosted by Argus
I dont know how on brand for this topic this will be, b u t, I found me a man who's just my type...unavailable! Es OK though, I think him & could have strong spiritual connection.
https://www.instagram.com/p/DXZimePjKgv/
OK, I'm being an ass... I'll exit over here now ----->
Lmao this unfortunately is my sense of humor. Reminds me so much of my cap bestieclick to expand
😁🫶
Posted by PilatesBodPosted by FuelAirPropellant
He might be a Libra after. Overthinking it all. Jk.
That's a lot tho. # 2 is my downfall.
To be fair, the rest of his chart is all Scorpio and he was born on a cusp. It’s just when I pull his chart it says Libra sun. He refuses to accept it lol. He has a Scorpio tattoo. It is his entire identity.click to expand
Lmao that reminds me of my old Taurus boss when I asked him "what's your zodiac sign?" He said may 18 or 19 then I said "o Taurus" he said "no I'm a Gemini", then pretty much said something discrimantory about Taurus in front of my male Taurus coworker. Such an odd interaction l couldnt even laugh but wanted to.
Can just imagine someone going their whole life thinking different sun sign.
But everyone wants to be a Scorpio badass ninja I guess haha.
So?
Women don't exist to offer stuff to men. We don't exist to be in relationships with men.
Being in a relationship is not about what you offer to the other person. This what do you bring to the table stuff is so toxic. It appeals to the deepest people pleasers in both genders.
You are not in a relationship with a man or woman because of what you have to offer. And if you are take stock.
You are in a relationship because it makes both of you happy.
And if you are not happy in relationships don't be in one.
Women don't exist to offer stuff to men. We don't exist to be in relationships with men.
Being in a relationship is not about what you offer to the other person. This what do you bring to the table stuff is so toxic. It appeals to the deepest people pleasers in both genders.
You are not in a relationship with a man or woman because of what you have to offer. And if you are take stock.
You are in a relationship because it makes both of you happy.
And if you are not happy in relationships don't be in one.
Posted by Textosmoon
So?
Women don't exist to offer stuff to men. We don't exist to be in relationships with men.
Being in a relationship is not about what you offer to the other person. This what do you bring to the table stuff is so toxic. It appeals to the deepest people pleasers in both genders.
You are not in a relationship with a man or woman because of what you have to offer. And if you are take stock.
You are in a relationship because it makes both of you happy.
And if you are not happy in relationships don't be in one.
What facilitates making the relationship a happy one?
Posted by PilatesBodPosted by Textosmoon
So?
Women don't exist to offer stuff to men. We don't exist to be in relationships with men.
Being in a relationship is not about what you offer to the other person. This what do you bring to the table stuff is so toxic. It appeals to the deepest people pleasers in both genders.
You are not in a relationship with a man or woman because of what you have to offer. And if you are take stock.
You are in a relationship because it makes both of you happy.
And if you are not happy in relationships don't be in one.
What facilitates making the relationship a happy one?click to expand
It happens naturally. THAT IS WHAT LOVE IS.
When people ask this i keep thinking all they have known is toxic love.
Relationships are not about what you have to offer or pleasing people .. they are about the two of you just being naturally pleased together that is all.
Have you heard the phrase 'its meant to be easy? '
Occasionally you have rocky patches but its not meant to be more than a patch and if it is something is wrong.
Partic at the beginning its meant to be easy NATURALLY.
Posted by TextosmoonPosted by PilatesBodPosted by Textosmoon
So?
Women don't exist to offer stuff to men. We don't exist to be in relationships with men.
Being in a relationship is not about what you offer to the other person. This what do you bring to the table stuff is so toxic. It appeals to the deepest people pleasers in both genders.
You are not in a relationship with a man or woman because of what you have to offer. And if you are take stock.
You are in a relationship because it makes both of you happy.
And if you are not happy in relationships don't be in one.
What facilitates making the relationship a happy one?click to expand
It happens naturally. THAT IS WHAT LOVE IS.
When people ask this i keep thinking all they have known is toxic love.
Relationships are not about what you have to offer or pleasing people .. they are about the two of you just being naturally pleased together that is all.
Have you heard the phrase 'its meant to be easy? '
Occasionally you have rocky patches but its not meant to be more than a patch and if it is something is wrong.
Partic at the beginning its meant to be easy NATURALLY.click to expand
I’m trying to follow you. So you think no forms of intimacy from the list should be expected in a relationship?
I honestly don't belive there is a human that could truly deliver any of those to me. I'm trying to blend back into normal human intimacy/ connection. At the same time I know I will forever be pretending. It's not even an ego thing at this point. I don't think I'm special or some type of person above all other people. I just don't crave or expect any type of fulfillment from others.
I see it like this, if one can't put themselves first and live as themselves being a complete whole, then they can't truly be useful to anyone else. Many people I know get in relationships, then when it inevitably ends they instantly go back to the dating game. I understand why though. Most people feel like half a circle, and the only way to feel complete is to add another half. In my opinion the issue with that is people think they need another person to feel whole, which makes them lack in many mental, physical, and spiritual areas. I tell them they need to take some time to figure themselves out, and they tell me they already did that. They mention the months or years they spent alone. I then say nothing, because I already watched them spend that time doing absolutely nothing to improve themselves. They just sat around and eventually went back to the dating game in hopes that someone else could fill the void in their life and complete them. Without going any deeper, the reality is other people will never complete you if you can't even complete yourself.
I see it like this, if one can't put themselves first and live as themselves being a complete whole, then they can't truly be useful to anyone else. Many people I know get in relationships, then when it inevitably ends they instantly go back to the dating game. I understand why though. Most people feel like half a circle, and the only way to feel complete is to add another half. In my opinion the issue with that is people think they need another person to feel whole, which makes them lack in many mental, physical, and spiritual areas. I tell them they need to take some time to figure themselves out, and they tell me they already did that. They mention the months or years they spent alone. I then say nothing, because I already watched them spend that time doing absolutely nothing to improve themselves. They just sat around and eventually went back to the dating game in hopes that someone else could fill the void in their life and complete them. Without going any deeper, the reality is other people will never complete you if you can't even complete yourself.
Posted by Soul
I honestly don't belive there is a human that could truly deliver any of those to me. I'm trying to blend back into normal human intimacy/ connection. At the same time I know I will forever be pretending. It's not even an ego thing at this point. I don't think I'm special or some type of person above all other people. I just don't crave or expect any type of fulfillment from others.
I see it like this, if one can't put themselves first and live as themselves being a complete whole, then they can't truly be useful to anyone else. Many people I know get in relationships, then when it inevitably ends they instantly go back to the dating game. I understand why though. Most people feel like half a circle, and the only way to feel complete is to add another half. In my opinion the issue with that is people think they need another person to feel whole, which makes them lack in many mental, physical, and spiritual areas. I tell them they need to take some time to figure themselves out, and they tell me they already did that. They mention the months or years they spent alone. I then say nothing, because I already watched them spend that time doing absolutely nothing to improve themselves. They just sat around and eventually went back to the dating game in hopes that someone else could fill the void in their life and complete them. Without going any deeper, the reality is other people will never complete you if you can't even complete yourself.
While I don’t entirely disagree, not needing people is not wholeness. What you’re describing sounds more like emotional burnout or avoidance. Not needing people is not a strength. It’s just very low expectations. It’s healthy and normal to want intimacy from other people and trust they can provide it to you.
The list isn’t my framework for relationship needs. Whether or not a relationship can survive without intimacy is not really a debate. They can’t. Every relationship requires some level of intimacy. Both people can have low intimacy needs but it’s not really a relationship if there is not intimacy. That would just be a casual acquaintance or platonic roommate.
A couple could be happy with just doing life together (experiential) if they both genuinely prefer relationships that way.
Did this help you understand your situation?
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Let’s say 2 people are in a relationship (not with each other), but they share a very deep bond and talk about everything. Their partner doesn’t know. They are not physically intimate.
I thought it could be useful to look at different forms of intimacy and honestly assess which ones we can consistently offer. And which may have been missing or misaligned in past/current relationships.
1.Emotional intimacy: feeling seen and understood.
2.Physical intimacy: touch and closeness without sex.
3.Sexual intimacy: desire and erotic connection.
4.Intellectual intimacy: thinking and talking deeply together.
5.Experiential intimacy: doing life together and sharing moments.
6.Spiritual intimacy: shared values, meaning, and purpose.
7.Communicative intimacy: talking openly without defensiveness.
8.Conflict intimacy: the ability to repair after things go wrong.
9.Financial intimacy: trust and alignment around money.
10.Recreational intimacy: fun, play, and laughter.
11.Creative intimacy: building or creating something together.
12.Daily life intimacy: how you show up for each other every day