Women who sleep with men too soon and blame men

...for the bad treatment they received afterwards.

This is all I'm seeing on Dxp. Grown ass women bitching and moaning because

they didn't get the happy ending they thought they deserved.

Please tell me this is a joke LOL

Give me one good reason why a man should respect you after you oh so willingly slept with him

before you even became his official woman.

Congratulations, he now thinks you do this with every other man you meet! LOL

In other words, you are no longer special in his eyes.

You (as a woman) could have said NO to his advances. But you chose not to. So any consequences that

may follow will be your own responsibility. You are no longer a victim now.

And if a man even TRIES to get you into bed with him before he's even asked you to be his official

woman, he is NOT someone you should be wasting your time with! Let alone, planning a future with!

If a man truly cares about you, he will NOT rush you or pressure you in any kind of way.

Men are going to be horny no matter what. We can't change that.

So it is up to us women to decide the rules. We have to command respect by acting in ways

that will get us that respect. You cannot expect respect to be handed to you for free.

You need to become a woman who is deserving of that respect.

There's just too many women here who claim to be looking for true love

but their actions don't reflect that. One month (or hell, even 3 months) is NOT enough time

to know someone's true character.

What the hell is an "official woman"? I don't know, but "titles" don't move me.

I like it

I don't think sleeping with men too soon is a bad thing unless you're sleeping with bad people. If you know someone enough (and you CAN get a general idea of who a person is within an hour of meeting them unless they're playing games with you. In which case, the guy is at fault, too, because really, no one got time for that. Not to mention people can be playing games with you for well over a year.) People around here have continuously said 'if you sleep with a guy too soon, he won't respect you.' It depends on the guy and your situation, just like every other relationship topic of discussion on this board. I've slept with guys fairly early on. Did they lose respect for me? NO. Because they weren't bad people and they didn't view giving it up quickly as a sign to high tail it out of there.
This reminds me a lot about what I was talking to my coworkers about the other day. These 'unspoken rules'. Dating and having sex is not a game, but people make it out to be. Surprisingly, A LOT of people make it out to be. My coworkers were discussing how the girl shouldn't text first. One of the rules. They said it tied in to their insecurities about the guy talking to other girls or doing unfavorable things....so they'd wait until the guy texted and that would show he cared about them and mattered. The hell? Guys are apart of the relationship, too. Maybe they have insecurities, etc, as well. I'm not going on a rant about that, though, I just wanted to point out all these unspoken assumptions and rules of the dating 'game'.

But yes, I agree that people who complain about their situation on this site and can't see why is annoying. However, at a basic level, sleeping with someone quickly is not a bad thing unless you get played or the guy follows these weird societal dating rules and thinks it means he shouldn't respect you anymore. All of this is up to the person and it does not automatically equal the same things. As for your one comment, you can live your life with someone and not really know them. Ever watch those movies where some guy was secretly a murderer and planned to kill his wife from the beginning? How much time anything takes is dependent on the person. And it is NOT automatically the woman's fault when the guy leaves. Why can't it be the guy's fault? Why is he not being held responsible for his stupid idea that he always has control and that women are his to use? Why are women always viewed as the stupid ones in situations like this? This reminds me o

-reminds me of rape culture, but I won't get in to that, either.

This is my unedited rant for the day.

ugh, they're not going to see it here! put it on the boards. lolol

This applies to anyone under the age of 30:

Men give love to get sex, whereas women give sex to get love.

As long as people remember that, then there won't be an issue.

Everything changes in the 30's, however, as people mature and settle into themselves as individuals.

Some people seem to have an arrested development in personality, and never outgrow their sophomoric attitudes.

Posted by silentkiller
Arh...

I love when people state their opinions as though they are facts.

Your experience may or may not be my experience.

I think you should have to have statistics of the success and failure rates of said advice.

Not that I would believe it but at the very least it might make the argument more credible.

When you have had your feelings hurt or your heart broken, you need to make sense of it. You search the internet and eventually you stumble upon this site. You read all the posts and hope that someone here can explain the person's behavior to you. All you want is advice and some insight.

For all of the cookiemonsters mentioned by the OP, you can bitch, complain or moan. It is ok and it is normal. Your feelings are valid. Just know that sometimes you are going to hear what you don't want to hear. you need to hear it. It is shaping and forming you into the person you are to become.

Sleeping with a man too soon does not mean he is going to leave and making him wait does not mean he is going to stay. People know very early on what role they want you to play in their lives. The problem arises when you want to play a different role. It happens. It's life.

Keep Living it gets easier.

Posted by djbuck1
True, though I doubt if this perfectly sound advice will be well-received.

Ditto

I understand the point, women who sleep with men in order to "get" him and then don't get him but complain about it. However I would take issue with the man who doesn't respect a woman because she slept with him "too soon" and is therefore no longer special, that just makes him a fucking idiot who needs to grow up.

One good reason why he should show respect after after oh so willingly sleeping with him? Lots, but why should be disrespect you after? Female/Male - both have desires and wants, neither should be disrespected for fulfilling them, we should respect before, during and after

Men are going to be horny no matter what? Well so are women, we can't change that and would we want too 🙂

As women we have to command respect by acting in ways that get us respect - true, very true, but choosing to sleep with someone when you wish to should not equal respect taken away. I am a woman who is deserving of respect, I command it, but I have also slept with each of my men way before your "official" time, I did so because I wanted to - none of them left, disrespected or reduced me in their eyes to anything less than more than special 🙂

Posted by ellessque
Nala FTW! 😄

Hey E what's good. How are the boys and the g baby and the LEO !! LOL

Posted by robyn808
what happen?

Someone set us up the bomb!

Posted by robyn808
imo, Sex is not a weapon, its not a punishment, its not leverage. its pleasure!

+1

I thought I'd make a scene here since the OP is clueless, but I have a party to attend. Anyway, why is it always assumed that men have sex for pleasure, while women only use sex as a weapon, or to reward/punish the man. Women want their brains fucked out too!

alot of the people who come here are not as wise or informed as others or as seasoned. let them vent...we all make our mistakes....and hopefully somone's sound advice on dxp can help another person....maybe one less heart broken in the world.....people come here to talk about alot....if it doesnt interest me I move right along.

oh and i agree with deegee and slientkiller as well as nala.

Posted by celticlioness
I understand the point, women who sleep with men in order to "get" him and then don't get him but complain about it. However I would take issue with the man who doesn't respect a woman because she slept with him "too soon" and is therefore no longer special, that just makes him a fucking idiot who needs to grow up.

One good reason why he should show respect after after oh so willingly sleeping with him? Lots, but why should be disrespect you after? Female/Male - both have desires and wants, neither should be disrespected for fulfilling them, we should respect before, during and after

Men are going to be horny no matter what? Well so are women, we can't change that and would we want too 🙂

As women we have to command respect by acting in ways that get us respect - true, very true, but choosing to sleep with someone when you wish to should not equal respect taken away. I am a woman who is deserving of respect, I command it, but I have also slept with each of my men way before your "official" time, I did so because I wanted to - none of them left, disrespected or reduced me in their eyes to anything less than more than special 🙂

YES!!! why does sex give a man the green light to disrespect a female? it doesnt and the op sounds like she is supporting such behavior...one doesnt have to do with the other.

My attitudes are of a different generation, keep that in mind. But, honestly, in MY opinion, a woman who respects herself doesn't sleep around and allow herself to be used solely for a man's pleasure.

Granted, not every relationship between two people are the same, and I'm not saying that sex too soon is wrong, but you will be better off waiting for amount of time that is right for the relationship.

It goes both ways. People like and respect what they have to work for. That goes for both sexes. I don't respect men who expect sex on the first date, just like a lot of men don't respect women for having sex on a first date. I think some men have an opinion if a woman gives it up too soon, then who else has she given it up to and a most men don't want a woman who has given it up freely to anyone and everyone (their opinion) and I, personally, don't want to be with a guy that has used so many girls he knows he's not ever going to be in a relationship with.

Waiting (not set time) builds interest, and mystery, and tension and the flirtation and dance is fun and exciting.

I'll add, if it's for HER pleasure, then go baby go! Just keep the right attitude and self respect and there is nothing wrong with it, just don't blame the man when or if it doesn't work out. Few relationships don't work out. Stay an adult and keep your dignity and he won't think badly of you either.

*few relationships work out* I mean

interesting

Posted by twinklebluetoes
Oh, please.

I've slept with guys early on and it did absolutely nothing to effect the relationship.

Sex should happen when both people are ready to do it. If that happens too early for either of the partners, then it's not good, but if the connection is there, then it's not going to matter if you wait 3 months or not. Withholding sex isn't passing the "I'm classy" test. A guy can still screw you over even if you waited 3 months to sleep with him. And most guys will get tired of the games by then anyway if you aren't waiting because of something genuine.


And yeah, it's so great to see women to bash other women. Pat yourself on the back OP.

+1

I'd just like to offer a +1 for the sake of +1-ing.


Felt sort of left out there.

In fairness, I think the OP was simply trying to get the point across that women should value themselves and their bodies highly. I don't think she was suggesting to use your body as a bargaining tool. After all, if you had some rare treasure in your possession, you wouldn't just go giving it away to people unless you trusted them and knew they'd value it too, right? I don't know, maybe some of us would, but it's hard to imagine. Grant it, she could have chosen her words more...thoughtfully. But, I get the sense she meant them in a more empowering sort of way.


Nonetheless, an important factor she overlooked is that it takes not one, but two people to define the meaning and future of a relationship. Like some of you (I'm sure), I have known a happy married couple who became intimate very early on in their relationship. Despite having slept together the first time they met, they ended up staying together for the long haul because they were both the "settling-down" types to begin with....Still, I'm not sure how you'd get the most accurate sense of how loyal or committed a person could be unless you've observed them for a while. But of course, if neither of you are looking for commitment, then it doesn't matter. I suspect the OP was addressing her counterparts who are looking for commitment.

Posted by MidniteStar
Whether you have sex on your first date or your wedding night....it's all good. There is no right or wrong way. People make it more difficult than it has to be. What happened to sex just being sex?

yup! both men and women complicate it

you can't expect to form a meaningful relationship after blindly having sex because they're still a stranger doing a song and dance for your pants. does everything need to be spelt out for you people?

if you are one of the lucky few who stumble upon a decent guy in your promiscuity then i say good for you you're one of the lucky few. you don't have to go crying on your friend's shoulder saying HE USED ME THAT GAWD AWFUL BASTARD HOW DARE HE WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I HATE U WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IM GOING TO SPRAY PAINT HIS CAR TOMORROW AND THROW A BRICK THROUGH HIS WINDOW

if you wanted sex then you got your sex.

You must be new to life.

Posted by twinklebluetoes
Oh, please.

I've slept with guys early on and it did absolutely nothing to effect the relationship.

Sex should happen when both people are ready to do it. If that happens too early for either of the partners, then it's not good, but if the connection is there, then it's not going to matter if you wait 3 months or not. Withholding sex isn't passing the "I'm classy" test. A guy can still screw you over even if you waited 3 months to sleep with him. And most guys will get tired of the games by then anyway if you aren't waiting because of something genuine.


And yeah, it's so great to see women to bash other women. Pat yourself on the back OP.

Right? It's fucking ridiculous when I see some of these dumb bitches here perpetuating societal standards that work against women. What the hell is wrong with you? That's the last thing, as a whole, that women need in our society.

If she means that women should practice better judgement or realize potential risks when putting out too fast? Absolutely. But to slap such 1950s mindset about "relationship" first before you put out- pure bullshit.

Overall, the entire issue boils down to common sense. The end. We tend to have this lovely gut instinct that's pretty accurate. Start using it.

Posted by xxPinkFerrarixx
...for the bad treatment they received afterwards.

This is all I'm seeing on Dxp. Grown ass women bitching and moaning because

they didn't get the happy ending they thought they deserved.

Please tell me this is a joke LOL

Give me one good reason why a man should respect you after you oh so willingly slept with him

before you even became his official woman.

Congratulations, he now thinks you do this with every other man you meet! LOL

In other words, you are no longer special in his eyes.

You (as a woman) could have said NO to his advances. But you chose not to. So any consequences that

may follow will be your own responsibility. You are no longer a victim now.

And if a man even TRIES to get you into bed with him before he's even asked you to be his official

woman, he is NOT someone you should be wasting your time with! Let alone, planning a future with!

If a man truly cares about you, he will NOT rush you or pressure you in any kind of way.

Men are going to be horny no matter what. We can't change that.

So it is up to us women to decide the rules. We have to command respect by acting in ways

that will get us that respect. You cannot expect respect to be handed to you for free.

You need to become a woman who is deserving of that respect.

There's just too many women here who claim to be looking for true love

but their actions don't reflect that. One month (or hell, even 3 months) is NOT enough time

to know someone's true character.

Excellent! 🙂

Posted by twinklebluetoes
Oh, please.

I've slept with guys early on and it did absolutely nothing to effect the relationship.

Sex should happen when both people are ready to do it. If that happens too early for either of the partners, then it's not good, but if the connection is there, then it's not going to matter if you wait 3 months or not. Withholding sex isn't passing the "I'm classy" test. And yeah, it's so great to see women to bash other women. Pat yourself on the back OP.

HA! You are correct it did absolutely nothing. It got you knocked up, and now you punish the child by using the child as emotional blackmail with the father. So goddamn classy. Birth control and parenting classes should be your only priority. In fact, you are the example of the OP's thread.😢
How was that for a pat on the back?

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Overall, the entire issue boils down to common sense. The end. We tend to have this lovely gut instinct that's pretty accurate. Start using it.

Yah..unfortunately you can't buy a degree in common sense. Either you have it or you don't. I believe the OP reflects the lack of loud and clear.

Posted by ScorpSuperior
In fairness, I think the OP was simply trying to get the point across that women should value themselves and their bodies highly.

Absolutely. Self respect does go a long way. Bottom line is if there is an ulterior motive, it's going to come back and kick you in the ass, and men will gladly use it. If you are just screwing as sport..by all means to each her own, men will gladly use it.. 90% of the posts in dxp however, is what the OP describes.

Posted by size zero superhero

Posted by truecap
But, honestly, in MY opinion, a woman who respects herself doesn't sleep around and allow herself to be used solely for a man's pleasure.

Granted, not every relationship between two people are the same, and I'm not saying that sex too soon is wrong, but you will be better off waiting for amount of time that is right for the relationship.

I see where you're coming from. But waiting it out in order to prove/determine one's sexual virtuousness could backfire. A year+ of acquaintanceship before sex is of no greater circumstantial value than, say, a month's time IMO.
The longer the courting process, the better two people know each other once "the time" arrives. Yet even so, it is uncertain how they will handle themselves once sex is introduces. That's the consistent unknown variable.

Once it becomes evident that a "moral insurance fee" is required prior to accessing the benefits, someone may play along until sex is up for the taking & enjoy the ride a few times...then bail out once the fun begins to lose its luster.

click to expand

Like I said every relationship is different and the amount of time before sex varies and what is right for one relationship, isn't right for the next relationship. I think its basically similar what you're saying here too. If you already knew someone before, then sex shouldn't be a factor. For me, I feel better waiting a bit and that is my personal preference.

Posted by IntriguedScorp
Am I the only one who knows what they want and by the time the dating formally starts, its a done deal? I can't think of one person I've slept with where we didn't have a torrid affair or a long term relationship. And the only guy I didn't sleep with by the third date was the Taurus and only because he told me that if a woman doesn't sleep with me by the second date he has to let them go. So I didn't sleep with him for two months. 🙂

So, he threatened to break it off if you didn't put out by the third date. And you didn't fall for that. Good for you!

Posted by LetltB

Posted by ScorpSuperior
In fairness, I think the OP was simply trying to get the point across that women should value themselves and their bodies highly.

Absolutely. Self respect does go a long way. Bottom line is if there is an ulterior motive, it's going to come back and kick you in the ass, and men will gladly use it. If you are just screwing as sport..by all means to each her own, men will gladly use it.. 90% of the posts in dxp however, is what the OP describes.

click to expand

Yep.

Here's a thought to ponder.

If you are dating someone and one of you decides it is not what you want and you break up and walk away, then its not that big of a deal. Move on and date someone else, easy peasy. But if you had thrown sex into the mixture, then it doesn't work out, it becomes more personal and one of you feels used or angry in that you've given a part of yourself you can't get back and it's just a little harder to blow it off and move on.

I think the OP is trying to get at, if you have sex early with someone then it doesn't work out, don't blame the guy for being a jerk when he gets to know you better and decides to move on. So many women on here want to call the guy a jerk just because he doesn't "feel it" for them. What? Is the guy supposed to be with you from now on just because you had sex.

HAY
XXPINK DON'T BE FUCKING WITH THE DXP DRAMA QUEENS THEY ARE MINE TO FUCK WITH

And all of you supporting the woman's right to sex for sport and are actually doing that, well, just take a good look at the situation. How's that working out for you? Are the men sticking around? Are they willing to marry you?

If it's working out for you, then great! You're one of the lucky ones. It has more to do with your confidence and self respect and the connection you made with someone than whether you slept with them or not.

If it's not working out for you, why not listen to a few of us and try a different tactic.

What attracts a man is confidence, independence, your self worth and the connection you make with them. That's the difference and really not whether you sleep early on or not.

But, for me, I want to know a man is worthy before I sleep with them. The only way I can get to know that is if I know him for a while first. You can tell pretty quick what kind of man they are and there are lots of clues he will give you that will tell you whether he's in it just for sport or if he is serious and will stick around.

Posted by james tate
HAY
XXPINK DON'T BE FUCKING WITH THE DXP DRAMA QUEENS THEY ARE MINE TO FUCK WITH

Some of them seem like pretty easy pickings! Go for it Tate! 😛

Just sayin'.

Posted by truecap
And all of you supporting the woman's right to sex for sport and are actually doing that, well, just take a good look at the situation. How's that working out for you? Are the men sticking around? Are they willing to marry you?

If it's working out for you, then great! You're one of the lucky ones. It has more to do with your confidence and self respect and the connection you made with someone than whether you slept with them or not.

They're not sticking around and they won't marry them. lol Men aren't idiots. Sure, they might stay with these women for a while (due to lack of better options, maybe?? lol) but most men secretly want a woman who will make them work for it.

Posted by LetltB

Posted by twinklebluetoes
Oh, please.

I've slept with guys early on and it did absolutely nothing to effect the relationship.

Sex should happen when both people are ready to do it. If that happens too early for either of the partners, then it's not good, but if the connection is there, then it's not going to matter if you wait 3 months or not. Withholding sex isn't passing the "I'm classy" test. And yeah, it's so great to see women to bash other women. Pat yourself on the back OP.

HA! You are correct it did absolutely nothing. It got you knocked up, and now you punish the child by using the child as emotional blackmail with the father. So goddamn classy. Birth control and parenting classes should be your only priority. In fact, you are the example of the OP's thread.😢
How was that for a pat on the back?

click to expand

Lol Doesn't surprise me.

And for those of you who have supposedly

had NOOOO problems whatsoever with your fucking-on-the-3rd-date-tactics, why are you here?

This wasn't directed at you. No need to get so defensive lol

Posted by DeeGee

Posted by truecap
And all of you supporting the woman's right to sex for sport and are actually doing that, well, just take a good look at the situation. How's that working out for you? Are the men sticking around? Are they willing to marry you?

If it's working out for you, then great! You're one of the lucky ones. It has more to do with your confidence and self respect and the connection you made with someone than whether you slept with them or not.

If it's not working out for you, why not listen to a few of us and try a different tactic.

What attracts a man is confidence, independence, your self worth and the connection you make with them. That's the difference and really not whether you sleep early on or not.

But, for me, I want to know a man is worthy before I sleep with them. The only way I can get to know that is if I know him for a while first. You can tell pretty quick what kind of man they are and there are lots of clues he will give you that will tell you whether he's in it just for sport or if he is serious and will stick around.

LOL....don't take yourself so seriously, your 45 honey, get with the program, the years fly, before ya know it,, you'll be 55 and dried up. Men can catch a woman till the day they die. Women have a much smaller window of opportunity.

Everyone wants to sit on their self-respectful high horse, just because my way may be a little different than yours doesn't mean I do'nt have self-respect, it just means my way is different than yours.

click to expand

So all women over the age of 40 should just become hoes because

what's the point of having standards and discernment when you're old??

Rude much? lol

I suppose it's all about what you're after and what your goals are.

And DG, I'm not "saving myself". I'm in a long term relationship where the sex is AMAZING! So, nope, last time he checked, I wasn't all dried up!


😛

Posted by xxPinkFerrarixx
And for those of you who have supposedly

had NOOOO problems whatsoever with your fucking-on-the-3rd-date-tactics, why are you here?

This wasn't directed at you. No need to get so defensive lol

Why do you say "supposedly" and NOOOO problems with that touch of cynicism? Do you think those of us who have suffered no disrespect are lying? Or deluding ourselves? I dunno, maybe we just attract men who respect us 🙂

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by twinklebluetoes
Oh, please.

I've slept with guys early on and it did absolutely nothing to effect the relationship.

Sex should happen when both people are ready to do it. If that happens too early for either of the partners, then it's not good, but if the connection is there, then it's not going to matter if you wait 3 months or not. Withholding sex isn't passing the "I'm classy" test. A guy can still screw you over even if you waited 3 months to sleep with him. And most guys will get tired of the games by then anyway if you aren't waiting because of something genuine.


And yeah, it's so great to see women to bash other women. Pat yourself on the back OP.

Right? It's fucking ridiculous when I see some of these dumb bitches here perpetuating societal standards that work against women. What the hell is wrong with you? That's the last thing, as a whole, that women need in our society.

If she means that women should practice better judgement or realize potential risks when putting out too fast? Absolutely. But to slap such 1950s mindset about "relationship" first before you put out- pure bullshit.

Overall, the entire issue boils down to common sense. The end. We tend to have this lovely gut instinct that's pretty accurate. Start using it.

click to expand

+1

Posted by twinklebluetoes
If you are secure within yourself there is no need to tear people down.

So someone complains about a guy leaving her after sex. You know can choose to belittle her and act like she is a whore for doing so and then secretly or not so secretly say that you are infinitely more classy and less slutty and above this girl so my worth is more than hers and you can mock her. Or you can politely tell her that the responsible was in her hands and the consequence didn't turn out like she wanted and that she should learn and pick guys more wisely and cautiously if she worries about it happening again.

Guys don't care about your bullshit levels. They care about girls who are genuinely happy and secure within themselves. Period.

+1

Posted by xxPinkFerrarixx
And for those of you who have supposedly

had NOOOO problems whatsoever with your fucking-on-the-3rd-date-tactics, why are you here?

This wasn't directed at you. No need to get so defensive lol

I hope ur including yourself in that question...why are you here? the same reason you assume every other female is here for? I dont get it? there are women here who are in happy relationships

Posted by celticlioness

Posted by xxPinkFerrarixx
And for those of you who have supposedly

had NOOOO problems whatsoever with your fucking-on-the-3rd-date-tactics, why are you here?

This wasn't directed at you. No need to get so defensive lol

Why do you say "supposedly" and NOOOO problems with that touch of cynicism? Do you think those of us who have suffered no disrespect are lying? Or deluding ourselves? I dunno, maybe we just attract men who respect us 🙂

click to expand

How do you know those men weren't just biding their time with you until something better came along?

How do you know they weren't just being perfect gentlemens to keep the sex ongoing?

Where are those men now?

That's funny because unlike many women here, I am not constantly in and out of "relationships".

I've only been with one man sexually. 🙂