Scorpio angry at me over Valentines' Day

I'm a Taurus dating a Scorpio for about 8 months. I usually don't make too big a deal over Valentine's Day. Last year, I was single but dating someone and he came over, we made dinner, he got me a card and some candy. To me, that's pretty good. So here I am in an actual relationship just thinking ok, it's going to be pretty awesome this year. So I ask him two weeks ago what we're doing and he's like "What?" And I said "Um, Valentine's Day?" And he said "Well, I don't really do Valentine's Day." I told him that was too bad because I did and I didn't expect a garden of roses and Godiva, but I wanted to do something and he agreed. Then he acted all weird for a week. I confronted him today and he said he felt like I deliberately tried to make him feel guilty about Valentine's Day and that he needs to give from his heart and not have it forced on him. I told him that it was important to me and that if I was important to him, he'd understand that. And he said that's what he meant, that I was making it about him not having enough feelings for me rather than understanding that for him, it's a dumb holiday aimed at making money.

I just don't buy it, esp. since he told me once his ex admitted to him three days before Valentine's Day that she cheated on him and was leaving him for the guy. Now, if he told me he had bad feelings about V-Day because of that, I understand, but don't fuckng lie to me and say it's one thing and it's another. He also told me to shut up and I just screamed at him "Who the fuck you think you're telling to shut up?" and he got all quiet and said sorry. I'm thinking I got the unevolved who got real hurt by some loose bitch and now is taking it out on me. Damn.

How old is this Scorpio and you?

Deeemnsoutforever, why the laughter?

Morisaki, we're both 26.

Maybe. I am just used to my bfs being into it somewhat. I know girls who expect tons of stuff for V-Day, I'm not like that, but I expect SOMETHING.

My first bf was a Scorpio and his libra ex cheated on him (they were together for 4 years+). He has never gotten over it, and our relationship was nothing but full of lies and fights. I'm not sure if your Scorpio is an unevolved one. I think you will get a better insight by comparing your birth charts.

Morisaki, how did it end? Did you break up with him? How long were you together?

We were together for 8months. I dumped him on my birthday because he was giving me an attitude and releasing anger on me. At the beginning of the relationship, I was trying to help him move on like counseling him, but it was too much. I was starting to lose respects for him because he was weak emotionally and not determined, and I felt like he was dragging me backwards in a way. Since I'm an Aries, I only move forward. My Scorpio ex was from the first decan, so we clashed a lot. What is your Scorpio's decan/birthday?

That's very interesting cause my due date was April 17, which woul've made me Aries, but I was born April 21, so I'm Taurus, but I think we have men the same problem and I'm starting to wonder if he is worth it. His bday is 11/11. He has been played and lied to by every female he has dealt with BUT me, and at first I tried to be understanding and knew he lashed out at me because he got so hurt before and he let his guard down only to be played and made a fool of. But now it's getting on my nerves, I need a man who knows a good woman when he sees it, not someone stuck in the past.

I am not sure what his decan is. I think his moon is in Cancer and his rising sign is Capricorn, but not sure.

you had a fight about valentines day?? isn't that just for kids—?

it's only a ritual of commercialism after all.

woah.....even I could taste the bitterness in that 😢

Watery sun and moon signs...twice the emotions. Well, if you like him a lot and think it's worth the price to stay with him plus you can handle all the emotional lash outs and moodiness from time to time, then stay with him. If you can't like me, then bail. I remember I was actually thinking to break up with him 2 months earlier, but I felt bad and stayed with him. After we were officially broken off, his friends started to myspace msg me about him killing himself, blah blah, etc, and he's very much alive atm.

Alot of guys I know are NOT into Valentines Day at all!

Bummer for the ladies but it's not a day when "HE" has to buy for her, where is this stated— Why don't you take the initiative and lay it all out for him...then you'll probably understand why these guys can't be bothered! Preparing something romantic takes time and energy and alot of the time the reaction isn't as mind blowing as one would expect or hope for!

Not only these fights but also VD is for children.

* * *

hey if it is for love, why not celebrating in group? with the big Aqua alignment it makes also sense.

Maybe it's silly to some, but I need to feel like the guy I am with is putting in an effort, and it seems lacking on his part.

Morisaki, I can be patient to an extent, but when I sense no progress, I bounce.

i do agree that it is mostly for kids. i think most people get to feeling obliged to buy a valentine's token and it's not really romantic if it's just done through peer pressure.

it's much nicer to receive a romantic gesture for no apparent reason.

yeah, i agree with MsP. you should make a gesture anyway. if you want to celebrate valentine's day, go ahead and do so. he can do what he likes but at least you are being true to yourself and it would be hard for him not to feel touched by it.

I think Valentine's Day is nice. Around my house I always see guys and girls walking with flowers getting ready and they dress up all nice. I think it's romantic.

Last year when I was pregnant my Scorpio bought me a teddy bear, a card, and two big ass chocolate boxes. I would wake up at 5:30am and eat it LOL.

This year we are going out to eat and have some drinks.

MMMMMMM food.

Freeya,

He seems like a loser. A big baby.

I think you should look into what that day really means to you. Valentine's day can be something good. A good celebration for lovers but you shouldn't have it define the relationship and should be the other way around. Your relationship should define that holiday. What matters is what you have going with him. It doesn't mean much, if your relationship is going the way it is now. There's no point of wanting something for that holiday, if your man doesn't feel the same about it. You can't force it to him. It's not or shouldn't be a self celebration holiday, like a birthday is ... it should be to celebrate the relationship and both individuals in that relationship should define what that holiday is going to be.

"Ray's comment is way smoother than mine..."

pfft c'mon now bling !

"i also think she can use his obstinate reaction as a dirext sign as to the state of the relationship. if two partners are together and one says to the other "this is important to me" and the other says "too bad" for no apparently good reason...well...hmmmm."

I think he provided a reason why he's not so attached to that holiday. It may not be a valid one to her but it still is. I personally think he was reacting more to the reaction she had to his answer and her forcing it to him more than Valentines day itself. Now there are many ways to approach such situation and to break up can be one of them but not necessarily the best and understanding can be another. I do agree that it shows where they stand. Whether they want to work at it or not is up to them but this relationship needs to be looked at.

I understand where he's coming from ... you have in your mind that you expect something, even if it's not much, and at least plans to do soemthing together .. point is, you have an expectation in your mind that is based around some kind of duty to give the heart "something" as a reward.

Something .. you said "something"


something doesn't sound very endearing .. it sounds like a settlement of something so you won't think you've been neglected .. when in reality, you really would be neglected, forsaken, while his view of it is more sincere and not neglectful, which involves ...


... he would want it to be a token from his heart to yours for value and not just "something" because that is what is expected.


I can clearly relate to what this man is trying to convey here.

Why should she care what other people think?


Relationships aren't lived with our boyfriends and our mother's or friends .. they're lived with our boyfriends and us, exclusively .. so what these other people think about his character is irrelevant.



Just as much as she believes that he should value this day because she values it .... she should also be equally considerate of his feelings which do not value this day in the same way.


"I told him that it was important to me and that if I was important to him, he'd understand that"


Whose feelings supercede the other? ^^^^^^

she would think that if it was important to her, then it should be important to him, and that he should understand that ... can't the same be said in reverse?

If the non-celebration of this day is important to him, then it should be important to her, and she should understand this.


So, it becomes a circle of who's feelings are more important than the other's to accommodate .. and if niether party wants to step down from having their wants pampered, then there is no resolution to this equation.

"he probably was reacting to her reaction. but then again..that does not demonstrate strong listening or empathy skills on his part."

... and does it demonstrate any on hers? The reasons why she value somethings in her life is as valid and important than the reasons why he doesn't value some things in his life. She may not see it in this present situation but life puts you in different position and places as you go. One day she'll be at the other end of the table and will wish, what he is wishing today. Understanding basically.

Ahhh Valentine's Day.

My bf was very anti-V-day. All his exs put up with it. I was honest and told him it was important to me. Holidays are extremely important to me as my father never did anything for my mother ever. He just let the years pass unmarked. I really felt her pain about it.

My bf's argument re: Valentine's Day was that it was a commercial holiday. I said so? You don't have to buy anything but you do have to mark the day. It is important to me because it is the day that we as a society have chosen to celebrate love and romantic partnerships. Not marking the day, is kind of like saying you don't care about me and our romantic partnership. He asked when do we as a society celebrate me (meaning himself)? I said his birthday. I said the birthday is the day that society celebrates the individual.

So V-day came around and he went above and beyond. He did a couple of really sweet things for me. I did a couple of sweet things for him. None of which involved money. And in the end, he enjoyed his first ever Valentine's Day.

Holidays are important to me. They are community events. I think the commercial importance should be less but the value of these days is not in the commercial value but in the sharing with community and participating in them.

* that is part of the problem. because who wants to tell their mom, sister or best friend (all of whom are with a guy who probably at least got a card) that...oh yeah, my bf ignored the day cause he doe snot believe in it. yup. every last one of them thinks...wow, what a loser.

OMG yes! Yes! YES!

OMG that sounds like so much fun Leokitten! It reminds me of how fun holidays were when I was little. I would always get so excited.

My mom's neighbours go big and bold for every holiday. They decorate their yard, house, everything. No matter what the holiday. I LOVE it! It is like they are screaming life is short, let's have fun. 🙂

Life would be pretty crap if we didn't celebrate anything. And what better than to celebrate each other? It doesn't have to be commercial. It doesn't have to be traditionally romantic. (In fact, I think it is way better when you don't do anything commercial.) You just have to mark the day and say thank-you with a little gesture of appreciation.

Oddly, prior to that V-day last year, my bf wasn't a romantic guy. He has since done a few romantic little gestures. I think he has more fun with it now and it gave him permission to have fun with it all.

Everyone, thanks for the advice. I wanted to address someone who asked what he has done romantic for me and for Christmas and my birthday. We met in June, became official/committed in July, so he missed my birthday, which is in April. He often shows up unannounced with dinner and a DVD when he senses I've had a bad day (I usually don't talk about my bad days as to not bring others down), he gives great massages and he loves to cuddle 🙂 Christmas was out of this world. I was dumped by my last bf a couple months before Christmas, so I was skittish when he started making all these plans. He insisted we get a real tree and we drove around until we found the right one. He got all the decorations, insisted we hang stockings, and on Christmas morning, there was so much under the tree for me that I felt guilty. He is currently out of work and I asked him to not get so much stuff but he told me he wanted me to have a Christmas I would not forget, and I did have that.

Maybe in a way that's why this Valentine's Day thing is bothering me. Aside from what his ex did, to me, he'd be the LAST person to say he doesn't "do" Valentine's Day, especially when all I want is a nice dinner at home, candles and some good sex!

Also, I love the idea of heart-shaped pancakes!

Also I wanted to make clear, I was dumped by my last boyfriend a couple months before Christmas '06 - not this past Christmas 🙂

I will look into that. Heart pancakes - too cute!

Honestly Leokitten, thinking on it, I think it might be that I feel he is being dishonest. I really didn't remember the fallout with his ex and V-Day until after his coldness to it when I brought up wanting to do something together. Then I remembered "Damn, that's right, shit went down with ex around that time." I would've understood if he'd been like "Look babe, I really have bad conotations with that holiday." At least then he'd be telling me the truth and I could tell him I understood, but we had to work on putting the past completely to rest and since this is of importance to me, this is a good start. But instead, he throws out some stuff about comercialization, which he may actually believe, but I just feel like that's not THE reason he's doing this, and when I feel like I'm being lied to or misled, I withdraw.

I hear you Leokitten, which is why I told Morisaki I don't know about all this. He is a good man in many ways, but the ex stuff is getting very old to me.

Just tell him you are making heart-shaped pancakes together on Valentine's Day and he is going to enjoy it whether he wants to or not!

Sometimes you've got to take things into your own hands and he is being a dumbass. lol!

All that being said, do you really want to be with a guy who is not over his ex? That is kind of the way he it is sounding like. If he keeps punishing you because they broke up, buddy has some healing to do. You aren't his therapist. 😢

I am just so frustrated on your behalf freeya. I really am.

Having the ex as a ghost in the relationship is not fun. Put him in charge of finding really good coffee or tea (which ever you guys drink) or something. If you have fun with it, hopefully he will lighten up and next year will go more smooth.

* why? learn the power of guilt

lol!

I wouldn't bother with the card but that is me. I would ask for coffee or tea or a special maple syrup or what have you so he is contributing to the celebration.

(Admittedly, this may be VERY bad advice. I have never been in this situation.)

Well... she said he's wonderful to her in every other way. So he won't do the Vday thing becuase of something in his past.... so you're going to take an otherwise good relationship and upset it because of Valentines day? I don't get it.
Obviously his hang up with what happened is painful to him and he wasn't comfortable with opening up to you. That's not unlike something I personally wouldn't do for multiple reasons. Maybe he just doesn't want to think about it and hash it out again. Maybe he doesn't want to burden you with it.Maybe he thinks it's none of your business.
His getting defensive was ass holish but not surprising. I just don't get why women think they are obligated to get gifts on Vday. It confuses me how guilting someone into gift giving is "romantic". Eh.. I'm a bit of a scrooge when it comes to Valentines Day.

I'm also a taurus with a scorpio - 3yrs, and this year I know better then to put pressure on my scorp over the BIG LOVE day, that I am happy to share with someone I love.

I told him, why don't we skip going out for a fancy dinner. We'll pick up lobster tails, some nice veggies and a nice bottle of wine. It costs much less, takes the pressure off, and allows for more "intimacy" time which every scorpio man loves. 😉

Good luck! Happy Valentine's Day!!!

I think TG has the right idea.
Sounds like a ton of fun! Intimate evenings spent with each other is better then flowers anyday.
🙂 Making big "to do's" isn't really Scorpio style .

just pick another day for valentine? does it have to be feb 14th?!

haha LK, that was for the thread creator actually but yours is a good example...

Both are fixed signs, she's hung up on having a val day, just pick a new day and make it all yours so all will be happy

If he was sweet to her in every other way (sounds like it from what she said) then she is basically pissed that she isn't getting anything for Vday. So what if her family and friends will think he's a loser. I guess all the other stuff he does for her goes out the window because she (in her own words) EXPECTS something for Vday?!?! Wow, I'm going to go tell my man I EXPECT him to give me a million dollars. I'll tell ya right now what he'll say 😉
It has nothing to do with his ex. He wouldn't treat her the way he does if he is still hung up on the ex. She is using that as an excuse to make him look like a shitbag so she has a valid reason to bitch at him about Vday. Sounds like SHE needs to learn what a relationship is all about.
Gifts are given out of thought and love. Not out of arm twisting, blackballing and guilt tripping.

Sounds like SHE needs to learn what a relationship is all about.
Gifts are given out of thought and love. Not out of arm twisting, blackballing and guilt tripping.

Yes I agree most definietly... how can you be happy with a gift if it comes from pressure and not from the heart—

I'd rather have someone pick me wildflowers off the highway because it comes from their heart than forcefully buy me something just so I would Shut the F... up!!!

To be honest you don't deserve nothing more than I'd give a spoilt brat performing for attention!

Without reading through the whole thread. I will post this. I know a lot a couple of scorp guys who don't believe in V-day, including one I used to see, but he stoped by with a D&G purse and a bracelet and I was shocked to death! I actually refused the gift initially but then accepted it after he persisted so much. I too like to do something on V-day, it doesn't have to be anything huge, but something.

V-day is a made up holiday, but a fun one. For women, not kids. Although I will admit there are some people who think this.

"I hate when people get so upset over Vday for that reason. Its like, no shit its aimed at making money, as are most Holidays... Do you really think you going on your little boycott is making a difference, except for the difference in the way you're going to feel when you don't get the nookie for a month, because you want to make stupid statements?"

LMAO! Actually, me and the fiance agreed we were just gonna stay in for V-Day - no presents, no fancy dinner because neither of us are really big on holidays in general. And I'll be god damned if I didn't get a monstrous bouquet at work on Friday. I had NOTHING to give him. So I just whipped us up a picnic on the floor Sat. night. lol Rotten LIAR! 😛

Hi, everyone. Well, I just wanted to give an update. On the day before Valentine's Day he came clean to me that he actually is engaged to someone and she is pregnant! I am in shock still, more shock than anger because all this went on for 8 months!! I don't know what to think. What a huge liar he is and I will never be able to think of guys born on October 30 the same again. He has been texting me "sorry" a lot and saying it is complicated, but it's not complicated to me. He is a liar and a fraud and I feel very sorry for his woman and their unborn child!

"I will never be able to think of guys born on October 30 the same again"

Yes me too. I noticed that guys born on Oct 30th tend to refrain spending valentine's day with their girlfriend's outside of the relationship they have with their pregnant fiance. I don't know what it is but hey what can you do? You live and you learn.

What a "PIG!" REVENGE! isn't that what a Scorp would do—??

I couldn't do anything to hurt the innocent party but would most definetly make him sweat thinking I was going to blow his cover!


And I hope you don't from now hold onto those bitter feeling around V Day in the future. Good luck, hold your head high, you haven't done anything wrong. My friends and I worked out that the first question we were going to ask the next admirer was "Have you got a significant other?" And we would all be watching his reaction because at least 1 out of 3 of us will pick up on it if he's Lying!!