Nameless Nemean
@Chuckcem
14 Years5,000+ Posts
Comments: 17 · Posts: 5119 · Topics: 78
Would You Go First?
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Men/guys are like any other human being. Some are introvert and shy, so they do not take action, because they feel paralyzed by the thought of it. So I don't see any trouble if, after making sure this is what both parties want, the woman can initiate many of the asked questions.
I wouldn't go for 5,6,7 though!
I wouldn't go for 5,6,7 though!
Posted by compyWhy not 5?
Men/guys are like any other human being. Some are introvert and shy, so they do not take action, because they feel paralyzed by the thought of it. So I don't see any trouble if, after making sure this is what both parties want, the woman can initiate many of the asked questions.
I wouldn't go for 5,6,7 though!
Posted by ChuckcemThe woman has the final call in a relationship anyway. I prefer to let things flow naturally. I want to know him better at first and this takes time. He has my full attention anyway, but initiating a relationship too soon can be a wrong move with eventual emotional damage on both sides. Sometimes this simply comes mutually natural, without verbalizing it. I like to see how it escalates to something more than friendship 🙂Posted by compyWhy not 5?
Men/guys are like any other human being. Some are introvert and shy, so they do not take action, because they feel paralyzed by the thought of it. So I don't see any trouble if, after making sure this is what both parties want, the woman can initiate many of the asked questions.
I wouldn't go for 5,6,7 though!click to expand
Posted by compySure, what would you do though if things escalated naturally, but he still didn't bring up a relationship?Posted by ChuckcemThe woman has the final call in a relationship anyway. I prefer to let things flow naturally. I want to know him better at first and this takes time. He has my full attention anyway, but initiating a relationship too soon can be a wrong move with eventual emotional damage on both sides. Sometimes this simply comes mutually natural, without verbalizing it. I like to see how it escalates to something more than friendship 🙂Posted by compyWhy not 5?
Men/guys are like any other human being. Some are introvert and shy, so they do not take action, because they feel paralyzed by the thought of it. So I don't see any trouble if, after making sure this is what both parties want, the woman can initiate many of the asked questions.
I wouldn't go for 5,6,7 though!click to expand
Like I said, I prefer a period of study first. I am interested only on something for the veeeeery long run, not adventures. I had my share of short relationships when I was young, so I can say I have all the necessary experience at this age. When the time comes, and if both of us are sure this is what we want for the future, someone will make that step forward. Timing is the key, if one of us is not ready, everything is destroyed. So, it may be me, or him to step officially in. I prefer to let him do it.
Now you will ask me how I can possibly know. For some people, you simply have to prepare them to commit 🙂
The most difficult partners are the avoidant ones. Luckily, they are rare and they can be modelled and changed by a secure person that makes them feel safe and at ease with themselves and with the idea of a relationship. When he starts making real plans with you and making them happen, this is enough commitment for now.
Now you will ask me how I can possibly know. For some people, you simply have to prepare them to commit 🙂
The most difficult partners are the avoidant ones. Luckily, they are rare and they can be modelled and changed by a secure person that makes them feel safe and at ease with themselves and with the idea of a relationship. When he starts making real plans with you and making them happen, this is enough commitment for now.
Posted by compyInteresting, I actually didn't have a follow up question, I was just curious. I am intrigued by what you said here though:
Like I said, I prefer a period of study first. I am interested only on something for the veeeeery long run, not adventures. I had my share of short relationships when I was young, so I can say I have all the necessary experience at this age. When the time comes, and if both of us are sure this is what we want for the future, someone will make that step forward. Timing is the key, if one of us is not ready, everything is destroyed. So, it may be me, or him to step officially in. I prefer to let him do it.
Now you will ask me how I can possibly know. For some people, you simply have to prepare them to commit 🙂
The most difficult partners are the avoidant ones. Luckily, they are rare and they can be modelled and changed by a secure person that makes them feel safe and at ease with themselves and with the idea of a relationship. When he starts making real plans with you and making them happen, this is enough commitment for now.
The most difficult partners are the avoidant ones. Luckily, they are rare and they can be modelled and changed by a secure person that makes them feel safe and at ease with themselves and with the idea of a relationship
I find that attachment style s aren't usually discussed here. From my understanding it's easier for anxious people to change by being around secure people, but harder for avoidant people to do so (without a 3rd party such as therapy). You feel that an avoidant person will feel more at ease around a secure person over time?
Posted by ChuckcemI am sure, because I am in a such a "relationship" right now with the guy that is dating me. He had the "guts" to initiate dating, then he almost ran away in fear for a few months, so I took over 🙂) Now, more than one year later he basically moved to my house, but not completely. He still has his own place which is next to my flat and in which he moved only to be closer to me. I am still waiting for his next moves. No pressure.Posted by compyInteresting, I actually didn't have a follow up question, I was just curious. I am intrigued by what you said here though:
Like I said, I prefer a period of study first. I am interested only on something for the veeeeery long run, not adventures. I had my share of short relationships when I was young, so I can say I have all the necessary experience at this age. When the time comes, and if both of us are sure this is what we want for the future, someone will make that step forward. Timing is the key, if one of us is not ready, everything is destroyed. So, it may be me, or him to step officially in. I prefer to let him do it.
Now you will ask me how I can possibly know. For some people, you simply have to prepare them to commit 🙂
The most difficult partners are the avoidant ones. Luckily, they are rare and they can be modelled and changed by a secure person that makes them feel safe and at ease with themselves and with the idea of a relationship. When he starts making real plans with you and making them happen, this is enough commitment for now.
The most difficult partners are the avoidant ones. Luckily, they are rare and they can be modelled and changed by a secure person that makes them feel safe and at ease with themselves and with the idea of a relationship
I find that attachment style s aren't usually discussed here. From my understanding it's easier for anxious people to change by being around secure people, but harder for avoidant people to do so (without a 3rd party such as therapy). You feel that an avoidant person will feel more at ease around a secure person over time?click to expand
Posted by compyInspiring, what kept you in the relationship after he ran? Also by ran do you mean that he broke things off? Was that early on or after several months of dating?Posted by ChuckcemI am sure, because I am in a such a "relationship" right now with the guy that is dating me. He had the "guts" to initiate dating, then he almost ran away in fear for a few months, so I took over 🙂) Now, more than one year later he basically moved to my house, but not completely. He still has his own place which is next to my flat and in which he moved only to be closer to me. I am still waiting for his next moves. No pressure.Posted by compyInteresting, I actually didn't have a follow up question, I was just curious. I am intrigued by what you said here though:
Like I said, I prefer a period of study first. I am interested only on something for the veeeeery long run, not adventures. I had my share of short relationships when I was young, so I can say I have all the necessary experience at this age. When the time comes, and if both of us are sure this is what we want for the future, someone will make that step forward. Timing is the key, if one of us is not ready, everything is destroyed. So, it may be me, or him to step officially in. I prefer to let him do it.
Now you will ask me how I can possibly know. For some people, you simply have to prepare them to commit 🙂
The most difficult partners are the avoidant ones. Luckily, they are rare and they can be modelled and changed by a secure person that makes them feel safe and at ease with themselves and with the idea of a relationship. When he starts making real plans with you and making them happen, this is enough commitment for now.
The most difficult partners are the avoidant ones. Luckily, they are rare and they can be modelled and changed by a secure person that makes them feel safe and at ease with themselves and with the idea of a relationship
I find that attachment style s aren't usually discussed here. From my understanding it's easier for anxious people to change by being around secure people, but harder for avoidant people to do so (without a 3rd party such as therapy). You feel that an avoidant person will feel more at ease around a secure person over time?
click to expand
Posted by ChuckcemWe both were really interested in each other from the beginning. I could see that he secretly fell in love, by the body language and by unintentional verbal hints, even though he denied it. I am good at reading people. He ghosted after one month of dating and intense communication, but we didn't cut off in a classical way. I just gave him space to sort it out. After 1.5 months of almost complete silence, in which half of the time I was away from the country anyway, we started again and I encouraged him to slowly get closer to me. It worked. Now he no longer ghosts me, no matter what. I have his trust.Posted by compyInspiring, what kept you in the relationship after he ran? Also by ran do you mean that he broke things off? Was that early on or after several months of dating?Posted by ChuckcemI am sure, because I am in a such a "relationship" right now with the guy that is dating me. He had the "guts" to initiate dating, then he almost ran away in fear for a few months, so I took over 🙂) Now, more than one year later he basically moved to my house, but not completely. He still has his own place which is next to my flat and in which he moved only to be closer to me. I am still waiting for his next moves. No pressure.Posted by compyInteresting, I actually didn't have a follow up question, I was just curious. I am intrigued by what you said here though:
Like I said, I prefer a period of study first. I am interested only on something for the veeeeery long run, not adventures. I had my share of short relationships when I was young, so I can say I have all the necessary experience at this age. When the time comes, and if both of us are sure this is what we want for the future, someone will make that step forward. Timing is the key, if one of us is not ready, everything is destroyed. So, it may be me, or him to step officially in. I prefer to let him do it.
Now you will ask me how I can possibly know. For some people, you simply have to prepare them to commit 🙂
The most difficult partners are the avoidant ones. Luckily, they are rare and they can be modelled and changed by a secure person that makes them feel safe and at ease with themselves and with the idea of a relationship. When he starts making real plans with you and making them happen, this is enough commitment for now.
The most difficult partners are the avoidant ones. Luckily, they are rare and they can be modelled and changed by a secure person that makes them feel safe and at ease with themselves and with the idea of a relationship
I find that attachment style s aren't usually discussed here. From my understanding it's easier for anxious people to change by being around secure people, but harder for avoidant people to do so (without a 3rd party such as therapy). You feel that an avoidant person will feel more at ease around a secure person over time?
click to expand
Posted by compyThat's great to hear. I may be in a similar situation. Not sure, but pretty sure I have an anxious-avoidant person in my life. Most documents state this attachment is the same as fearful-avoidant, but I've read elsewhere that anxious-avoidant and fearful-avoidant are actually two different style s (basically anxious-avoidant has no past abuse/trauma). In any rate, it's interesting to know that an avoidant person may actually benefit from a secure person.Posted by ChuckcemWe both were really interested in each other from the beginning. I could see that he secretly fell in love, by the body language and by unintentional verbal hints, even though he denied it. I am good at reading people. He ghosted after one month of dating and intense communication, but we didn't cut off in a classical way. I just gave him space to sort it out. After 1.5 months of almost complete silence, in which half of the time I was away from the country anyway, we started again and I encouraged him to slowly get closer to me. It worked. Now he no longer ghosts me, no matter what. I have his trust.Posted by compyInspiring, what kept you in the relationship after he ran? Also by ran do you mean that he broke things off? Was that early on or after several months of dating?Posted by ChuckcemI am sure, because I am in a such a "relationship" right now with the guy that is dating me. He had the "guts" to initiate dating, then he almost ran away in fear for a few months, so I took over 🙂) Now, more than one year later he basically moved to my house, but not completely. He still has his own place which is next to my flat and in which he moved only to be closer to me. I am still waiting for his next moves. No pressure.Posted by compyInteresting, I actually didn't have a follow up question, I was just curious. I am intrigued by what you said here though:
Like I said, I prefer a period of study first. I am interested only on something for the veeeeery long run, not adventures. I had my share of short relationships when I was young, so I can say I have all the necessary experience at this age. When the time comes, and if both of us are sure this is what we want for the future, someone will make that step forward. Timing is the key, if one of us is not ready, everything is destroyed. So, it may be me, or him to step officially in. I prefer to let him do it.
Now you will ask me how I can possibly know. For some people, you simply have to prepare them to commit 🙂
The most difficult partners are the avoidant ones. Luckily, they are rare and they can be modelled and changed by a secure person that makes them feel safe and at ease with themselves and with the idea of a relationship. When he starts making real plans with you and making them happen, this is enough commitment for now.
The most difficult partners are the avoidant ones. Luckily, they are rare and they can be modelled and changed by a secure person that makes them feel safe and at ease with themselves and with the idea of a relationship
I find that attachment style s aren't usually discussed here. From my understanding it's easier for anxious people to change by being around secure people, but harder for avoidant people to do so (without a 3rd party such as therapy). You feel that an avoidant person will feel more at ease around a secure person over time?
click to expand
The key is to understand his/her limits and his/her way of expressing love. And to be really motivated to have such a person next to you, even though it's very tiring for most people because they are not patient enough. Our own expectations are not usually met by avoidant people and we prefer to choose anxious people that cling to us and make us feel important because we prefer immediate results. And when we wake up from the excitement, we cry that our trust was broken, we were hurt and complain here and provide reading material on dxpnet 🙂
Good luck to you! There is someone for each of us, no matter how difficult we may seem at the first glance!
Good luck to you! There is someone for each of us, no matter how difficult we may seem at the first glance!
In my experience, when I've done 1, 2, 3, and 4, I ended up being used, so #NeverAgain.
Wouldn't do 5 because I wouldn't want to suffocate the dude or put him in an awkward situation. 7 is a definite hell no; that's not what women are supposed to do.
I would do 6 though if the guy is hot hot.
Wouldn't do 5 because I wouldn't want to suffocate the dude or put him in an awkward situation. 7 is a definite hell no; that's not what women are supposed to do.
I would do 6 though if the guy is hot hot.
Posted by Chuckcem1,2,4,6 Yes!!!! I've done, with my ex and current. They did the rest.
Would you ever (answer whichever questions you want):
1. Talk to guy who you are interested in first?
2. Ask a guy for his number first?
3. Call a guy first for a first date?
4. Go for the kiss on the first date?
5. Ask to be in a relationship first?
6. Have sex on the first date?
7. Propose first?
I literally grabbed his face and kissed him. Some guys seem to be afraid to do it and I know they want to.
Usually Cancer and Caps.
#6 just happens bc of emotions, the moment etc.
Posted by nanobyteI love your hair!!!
#4 only
1. Talk to guy who you are interested in first? Yes
2. Ask a guy for his number first? No
3. Call a guy first for a first date? No
4. Go for the kiss on the first date? Yes
5. Ask to be in a relationship first? No, but discussed monogamy first
6. Have sex on the first date? Yes but not usually, unless that's what I'm out looking for
7. Propose first? No
2. Ask a guy for his number first? No
3. Call a guy first for a first date? No
4. Go for the kiss on the first date? Yes
5. Ask to be in a relationship first? No, but discussed monogamy first
6. Have sex on the first date? Yes but not usually, unless that's what I'm out looking for
7. Propose first? No
Interesting, seems like more women are good with doing most things first (#1,2,3,4,6), including sex on the first date. However when it comes to pushing for the relationship (#5) not so much. Why is that? (It's pretty obvious that #7 wouldn't be a favorite, but worth asking.)
Would you ever (answer whichever questions you want):
1. Talk to guy who you are interested in first?
1. Yes
2. Ask a guy for his number first?
2. Yes
3. Call a guy first for a first date?
3. Kind of (I could call first)
4. Go for the kiss on the first date?
4. No
5. Ask to be in a relationship first?
5. No
6. Have sex on the first date?
6. Yes
7. Propose first?
7. No
1. Talk to guy who you are interested in first?
1. Yes
2. Ask a guy for his number first?
2. Yes
3. Call a guy first for a first date?
3. Kind of (I could call first)
4. Go for the kiss on the first date?
4. No
5. Ask to be in a relationship first?
5. No
6. Have sex on the first date?
6. Yes
7. Propose first?
7. No
1. Talk to guy who you are interested in first? Yes
2. Ask a guy for his number first? Yes
3. Call a guy first for a first date? Yes
4. Go for the kiss on the first date? I would like to, but I haven't done it before
5. Ask to be in a relationship first? Not quite like that. I've sometimes asked men I've dated what they want if it isn't entirely clear to me, and we go from there (if what they want isn't what I want, I know to not pursue further). I've rarely needed to. I'm quite up front about what I want when first getting to know people.
6. Have sex on the first date? Only if I know the man for a while before that first date so I know that I like and trust him enough to do that.
7. Propose first? No, but I don't want to get married so I hope no man asks me that either. lol
2. Ask a guy for his number first? Yes
3. Call a guy first for a first date? Yes
4. Go for the kiss on the first date? I would like to, but I haven't done it before
5. Ask to be in a relationship first? Not quite like that. I've sometimes asked men I've dated what they want if it isn't entirely clear to me, and we go from there (if what they want isn't what I want, I know to not pursue further). I've rarely needed to. I'm quite up front about what I want when first getting to know people.
6. Have sex on the first date? Only if I know the man for a while before that first date so I know that I like and trust him enough to do that.
7. Propose first? No, but I don't want to get married so I hope no man asks me that either. lol
1. Maybe
2-7 No.
2-7 No.
Posted by EllygantThanks for your response. The funny thing is, I find that needy guys generally want the relationship to be their idea. They feel the need to lock the woman down into a relationship. Non-needy guys (specifically the ones who aren't players or jerks), don't care who brings up the relationship or would prefer the lady bring it up. These guys are more focused on building the rapport, creating fun memories, and setting up dates.Posted by ChuckcemTypically, women that ask for a relationship are immediately stereotyped as needy and clingy at best or manipulative and controlling at worst.
Interesting, seems like more women are good with doing most things first (#1,2,3,4,6), including sex on the first date. However when it comes to pushing for the relationship (#5) not so much. Why is that? (It's pretty obvious that #7 wouldn't be a favorite, but worth asking.)
Men like to think it was their idea lol.click to expand
I get what you're saying though, women find that when they bring up a relationship, it's always a bit "too soon". No one wants too look clingy or needy. Yet, is it worth it?
I actually agree with @compy when she said The woman has the final call in a relationship anyway. I prefer to let things flow naturally. I feel by having the guy prompt the relationship, women are giving up that control. What if the guy is needy, clingy, or controlling? I realize in reality life isn't so cut and dry, especially when emotions are involved, which is also why I agree with ...So, it may be me, or him to step officially in. I prefer to let him do it.
Posted by Chuckcem1.Yes
Would you ever (answer whichever questions you want):
1. Talk to guy who you are interested in first?
2. Ask a guy for his number first?
3. Call a guy first for a first date?
4. Go for the kiss on the first date?
5. Ask to be in a relationship first?
6. Have sex on the first date?
7. Propose first?
2.Yes
3.Yes
4.No
5.Yes
6.Yes
7.No
I'm all about 5 lmao.
Only time I didn't was because he beat me to the punch.
Only time I didn't was because he beat me to the punch.
Posted by EllygantI totally agree, I think most people act out of an underlying fear of being too vulnerable. No one wants to look foolish. So men feel the need to force interactions while women feel afraid to push their own desires. Both sides aren't acting naturally with what they ultimately want because out of the fear of being judged.Posted by ChuckcemYou're probably right. The neediest men I met were the ones who accused me constantly of trying to trap them in a relationship when I'd be talking about something completely unrelated.Posted by EllygantThanks for your response. The funny thing is, I find that needy guys generally want the relationship to be their idea. They feel the need to lock the woman down into a relationship. Non-needy guys (specifically the ones who aren't players or jerks), don't care who brings up the relationship or would prefer the lady bring it up. These guys are more focused on building the rapport, creating fun memories, and setting up dates.Posted by ChuckcemTypically, women that ask for a relationship are immediately stereotyped as needy and clingy at best or manipulative and controlling at worst.
Interesting, seems like more women are good with doing most things first (#1,2,3,4,6), including sex on the first date. However when it comes to pushing for the relationship (#5) not so much. Why is that? (It's pretty obvious that #7 wouldn't be a favorite, but worth asking.)
Men like to think it was their idea lol.
I get what you're saying though, women find that when they bring up a relationship, it's always a bit "too soon". No one wants too look clingy or needy. Yet, is it worth it?
I actually agree with @compy when she said The woman has the final call in a relationship anyway. I prefer to let things flow naturally. I feel by having the guy prompt the relationship, women are giving up that control. What if the guy is needy, clingy, or controlling? I realize in reality life isn't so cut and dry, especially when emotions are involved, which is also why I agree with ...So, it may be me, or him to step officially in. I prefer to let him do it.
I find the word 'feelings' scares the shit out of people in general I've noticed, male or female. Everyone wants to love and be loved but a lot of people have problems exercising the honest vulnerability it takes to get there. I've witnessed the most cold and reserved men and women crumble when they receive a negative text from their S/O and be near tears over feeling so misunderstood. Then the next word out of their mouth is 'I'm going to ignore them/run away.' Lol.
Asking for a relationship is the ultimate expression of feelings a lot of times these days, sadly ha. Despite the fact most people won't admit it, it's a lot easier to be physically intimate than it is emotionally.click to expand
Posted by DamnataI like you style . From my experience the relationship always seems more rewarding when it is ultimately the woman's idea. That's not to say this will always work, but it does weed out the needy guys for sure.
I'm all about 5 lmao.
Only time I didn't was because he beat me to the punch.
Posted by ChuckcemIt always works in that it always tells you what you need to know. It doesn't work if you expect a specific result.Posted by DamnataI like you style . From my experience the relationship always seems more rewarding when it is ultimately the woman's idea. That's not to say this will always work, but it does weed out the needy guys for sure.
I'm all about 5 lmao.
Only time I didn't was because he beat me to the punch.click to expand
For me it's more of a moment of "Hey I actually see this person in my life for a while and it seems the male population around me became invisible so I'm really hooked".
So I just tell him that. I don't demand a relationship or for him to feel the same way. He'll know my stance and what he does with that is up to him. I understand timing and natural evolution but I just have to see if we're in the same book. We might not be on the same page at that point but I will know if we're on the same book.
If I'd have that moment and not bring it up with the other person, to me that would be deceiving to them. Also to myself.
Posted by DamnataI love the honesty in your response. Sounds like you are comfortable following your natural impulses and being open with what you want. You simply don't hold back, which I can appreciate.Posted by ChuckcemIt always works in that it always tells you what you need to know. It doesn't work if you expect a specific result.Posted by DamnataI like you style . From my experience the relationship always seems more rewarding when it is ultimately the woman's idea. That's not to say this will always work, but it does weed out the needy guys for sure.
I'm all about 5 lmao.
Only time I didn't was because he beat me to the punch.
For me it's more of a moment of "Hey I actually see this person in my life for a while and it seems the male population around me became invisible so I'm really hooked".
So I just tell him that. I don't demand a relationship or for him to feel the same way. He'll know my stance and what he does with that is up to him. I understand timing and natural evolution but I just have to see if we're in the same book. We might not be on the same page at that point but I will know if we're on the same book.
If I'd have that moment and not bring it up with the other person, to me that would be deceiving to them. Also to myself.
click to expand
I ask these questions because I've found that a woman's attraction or infatuation is probably one of the most powerful forces in human existence. If a woman wants a person, she'll generally act in accordance with nature and MAKE it happen, hence questions 1-4 and 6. Questions 5 and 7 however focus on actions that require more overall communication, so it's interesting to see those responses.
Posted by ChuckcemWell I can't hold back once it hits me. The drawback is the mystery component is lacking with me.Posted by DamnataI love the honesty in your response. Sounds like you are comfortable following your natural impulses and being open with what you want. You simply don't hold back, which I can appreciate.Posted by ChuckcemIt always works in that it always tells you what you need to know. It doesn't work if you expect a specific result.Posted by DamnataI like you style . From my experience the relationship always seems more rewarding when it is ultimately the woman's idea. That's not to say this will always work, but it does weed out the needy guys for sure.
I'm all about 5 lmao.
Only time I didn't was because he beat me to the punch.
For me it's more of a moment of "Hey I actually see this person in my life for a while and it seems the male population around me became invisible so I'm really hooked".
So I just tell him that. I don't demand a relationship or for him to feel the same way. He'll know my stance and what he does with that is up to him. I understand timing and natural evolution but I just have to see if we're in the same book. We might not be on the same page at that point but I will know if we're on the same book.
If I'd have that moment and not bring it up with the other person, to me that would be deceiving to them. Also to myself.
I ask these questions because I've found that a woman's attraction or infatuation is probably one of the most powerful forces in human existence. If a woman wants a person, she'll generally act in accordance with nature and MAKE it happen, hence questions 1-4 and 6. Questions 5 and 7 however focus on actions that require more overall communication, so it's interesting to see those responses.click to expand
Yes, it's women who are strategists in the emotional realm. I have this couple in my group of friends..she's a very shy sweet girl. He's very masculine, very assertive. When I hear him go on about how he did EVERYTHING I just look at her and she smiles to me. Because SHE created all the opportunities for him to do that, including leaving him the illusion that it was his idea. As shy as she is, the covert actions didn't go amiss with me but flew entirely past his head.
In case you were wondering why I am a "yes" on 5 but "no" on 7...to my judgement a man has more at stake if the marriage goes bad. You marry to have children mainly and courts will seldom rule in his favor in case of a divorce...so for me for a man to have initiative in that realm, speaks volumes because he's taking a gamble. It truly means I am THAT worth it to him.
Also I feel women are on their knees a lot more than men are in relationships so suffice to say he should also get to experience what we do when we get rug burns. Equality and all that.
Posted by DamnataTotally agree. In fact having dealt with both aggressive and passive women, I can understand/appreciate how your friend pulled the strings silently in the background. To me she's still being assertive with what she wants, just in a quiet way. I personally don't mind bringing up the relationship conversation as long as it's already been hinted/poked at by the woman first. If the woman is throwing up all of the signals, then really she's already given the green light.Posted by ChuckcemWell I can't hold back once it hits me. The drawback is the mystery component is lacking with me.Posted by DamnataI love the honesty in your response. Sounds like you are comfortable following your natural impulses and being open with what you want. You simply don't hold back, which I can appreciate.Posted by ChuckcemIt always works in that it always tells you what you need to know. It doesn't work if you expect a specific result.Posted by DamnataI like you style . From my experience the relationship always seems more rewarding when it is ultimately the woman's idea. That's not to say this will always work, but it does weed out the needy guys for sure.
I'm all about 5 lmao.
Only time I didn't was because he beat me to the punch.
For me it's more of a moment of "Hey I actually see this person in my life for a while and it seems the male population around me became invisible so I'm really hooked".
So I just tell him that. I don't demand a relationship or for him to feel the same way. He'll know my stance and what he does with that is up to him. I understand timing and natural evolution but I just have to see if we're in the same book. We might not be on the same page at that point but I will know if we're on the same book.
If I'd have that moment and not bring it up with the other person, to me that would be deceiving to them. Also to myself.
I ask these questions because I've found that a woman's attraction or infatuation is probably one of the most powerful forces in human existence. If a woman wants a person, she'll generally act in accordance with nature and MAKE it happen, hence questions 1-4 and 6. Questions 5 and 7 however focus on actions that require more overall communication, so it's interesting to see those responses.
Yes, it's women who are strategists in the emotional realm. I have this couple in my group of friends..she's a very shy sweet girl. He's very masculine, very assertive. When I hear him go on about how he did EVERYTHING I just look at her and she smiles to me. Because SHE created all the opportunities for him to do that, including leaving him the illusion that it was his idea. As shy as she is, the covert actions didn't go amiss with me but flew entirely past his head.
In case you were wondering why I am a "yes" on 5 but "no" on 7...to my judgement a man has more at stake if the marriage goes bad. You marry to have children mainly and courts will seldom rule in his favor in case of a divorce...so for me for a man to have initiative in that realm, speaks volumes because he's taking a gamble. It truly means I am THAT worth it to him.
Also I feel women are on their knees a lot more than men are in relationships so suffice to say he should also get to experience what we do when we get rug burns. Equality and all that.click to expand
I also hear you on #7. I'm old fashioned and think that the guy should do the proposing to "show" his overall investment. He needs to be the one acknowledging the relationship, ESPECIALLY if the woman has been pushing things along already.
Posted by WalkergrlThat's an interesting approach to #5. It lays the groundwork early, so things can unfurl naturally. I'd say talking about monogamy first generally shows serious intent on your end. At that point it basically puts the ball in the guy's court.
1. Talk to guy who you are interested in first? Yes
2. Ask a guy for his number first? No
3. Call a guy first for a first date? No
4. Go for the kiss on the first date? Yes
5. Ask to be in a relationship first? No, but discussed monogamy first
6. Have sex on the first date? Yes but not usually, unless that's what I'm out looking for
7. Propose first? No
Posted by narayanaWhy would you rather not #5?Posted by Chuckcem1. yes
Would you ever (answer whichever questions you want):
1. Talk to guy who you are interested in first?
2. Ask a guy for his number first?
3. Call a guy first for a first date?
4. Go for the kiss on the first date?
5. Ask to be in a relationship first?
6. Have sex on the first date?
7. Propose first?
2. no
3. no
4. yes
5. maybe, but I'd rather not
6. maybe
7. noclick to expand
Posted by ChuckcemI mean....outside of relationships, in the dating/courting/getting to know phases, I understand a man who's like "I have no idea what this chick is about". But in a relationship...let's put it mildly that women are not the silent type. You'd have be particularly daft, deaf or dumb to have zero idea what your girlfriend wants. And even then...for deaf she will make sure to show you some wedding pics at some point or anything along those lines hint hint hint *neon light* hint hint. So that leaves daft or dumb. Who wants to marry daft or dumb men? No woman.Posted by DamnataTotally agree. In fact having dealt with both aggressive and passive women, I can understand/appreciate how your friend pulled the strings silently in the background. To me she's still being assertive with what she wants, just in a quiet way. I personally don't mind bringing up the relationship conversation as long as it's already been hinted/poked at by the woman first. If the woman is throwing up all of the signals, then really she's already given the green light.Posted by ChuckcemWell I can't hold back once it hits me. The drawback is the mystery component is lacking with me.Posted by DamnataI love the honesty in your response. Sounds like you are comfortable following your natural impulses and being open with what you want. You simply don't hold back, which I can appreciate.Posted by ChuckcemIt always works in that it always tells you what you need to know. It doesn't work if you expect a specific result.Posted by DamnataI like you style . From my experience the relationship always seems more rewarding when it is ultimately the woman's idea. That's not to say this will always work, but it does weed out the needy guys for sure.
I'm all about 5 lmao.
Only time I didn't was because he beat me to the punch.
For me it's more of a moment of "Hey I actually see this person in my life for a while and it seems the male population around me became invisible so I'm really hooked".
So I just tell him that. I don't demand a relationship or for him to feel the same way. He'll know my stance and what he does with that is up to him. I understand timing and natural evolution but I just have to see if we're in the same book. We might not be on the same page at that point but I will know if we're on the same book.
If I'd have that moment and not bring it up with the other person, to me that would be deceiving to them. Also to myself.
I ask these questions because I've found that a woman's attraction or infatuation is probably one of the most powerful forces in human existence. If a woman wants a person, she'll generally act in accordance with nature and MAKE it happen, hence questions 1-4 and 6. Questions 5 and 7 however focus on actions that require more overall communication, so it's interesting to see those responses.
Yes, it's women who are strategists in the emotional realm. I have this couple in my group of friends..she's a very shy sweet girl. He's very masculine, very assertive. When I hear him go on about how he did EVERYTHING I just look at her and she smiles to me. Because SHE created all the opportunities for him to do that, including leaving him the illusion that it was his idea. As shy as she is, the covert actions didn't go amiss with me but flew entirely past his head.
In case you were wondering why I am a "yes" on 5 but "no" on 7...to my judgement a man has more at stake if the marriage goes bad. You marry to have children mainly and courts will seldom rule in his favor in case of a divorce...so for me for a man to have initiative in that realm, speaks volumes because he's taking a gamble. It truly means I am THAT worth it to him.
Also I feel women are on their knees a lot more than men are in relationships so suffice to say he should also get to experience what we do when we get rug burns. Equality and all that.
I also hear you on #7. I'm old fashioned and think that the guy should do the proposing to "show" his overall investment. He needs to be the one acknowledging the relationship, ESPECIALLY if the woman has been pushing things along already.click to expand
Posted by CopperDoveSounds like you're pretty comfortable in most situations.
1. Talk to guy who you are interested in first? Yes
2. Ask a guy for his number first? Yes
3. Call a guy first for a first date? Yes
4. Go for the kiss on the first date? I would like to, but I haven't done it before
5. Ask to be in a relationship first? Not quite like that. I've sometimes asked men I've dated what they want if it isn't entirely clear to me, and we go from there (if what they want isn't what I want, I know to not pursue further). I've rarely needed to. I'm quite up front about what I want when first getting to know people.
6. Have sex on the first date? Only if I know the man for a while before that first date so I know that I like and trust him enough to do that.
7. Propose first? No, but I don't want to get married so I hope no man asks me that either. lol
Posted by DamnataRight a lot of the hints become less subtle once two people are in a relationship. Several of my friends have taken to walking their boyfriends past bridal shops and stopping to "take a look". Pretty obvious at that point.Posted by ChuckcemI mean....outside of relationships, in the dating/courting/getting to know phases, I understand a man who's like "I have no idea what this chick is about". But in a relationship...let's put it mildly that women are not the silent type. You'd have be particularly daft, deaf or dumb to have zero idea what your girlfriend wants. And even then...for deaf she will make sure to show you some wedding pics at some point or anything along those lines hint hint hint *neon light* hint hint. So that leaves daft or dumb. Who wants to marry daft or dumb men? No woman.Posted by DamnataTotally agree. In fact having dealt with both aggressive and passive women, I can understand/appreciate how your friend pulled the strings silently in the background. To me she's still being assertive with what she wants, just in a quiet way. I personally don't mind bringing up the relationship conversation as long as it's already been hinted/poked at by the woman first. If the woman is throwing up all of the signals, then really she's already given the green light.Posted by ChuckcemWell I can't hold back once it hits me. The drawback is the mystery component is lacking with me.Posted by DamnataI love the honesty in your response. Sounds like you are comfortable following your natural impulses and being open with what you want. You simply don't hold back, which I can appreciate.Posted by ChuckcemIt always works in that it always tells you what you need to know. It doesn't work if you expect a specific result.Posted by DamnataI like you style . From my experience the relationship always seems more rewarding when it is ultimately the woman's idea. That's not to say this will always work, but it does weed out the needy guys for sure.
I'm all about 5 lmao.
Only time I didn't was because he beat me to the punch.
For me it's more of a moment of "Hey I actually see this person in my life for a while and it seems the male population around me became invisible so I'm really hooked".
So I just tell him that. I don't demand a relationship or for him to feel the same way. He'll know my stance and what he does with that is up to him. I understand timing and natural evolution but I just have to see if we're in the same book. We might not be on the same page at that point but I will know if we're on the same book.
If I'd have that moment and not bring it up with the other person, to me that would be deceiving to them. Also to myself.
I ask these questions because I've found that a woman's attraction or infatuation is probably one of the most powerful forces in human existence. If a woman wants a person, she'll generally act in accordance with nature and MAKE it happen, hence questions 1-4 and 6. Questions 5 and 7 however focus on actions that require more overall communication, so it's interesting to see those responses.
Yes, it's women who are strategists in the emotional realm. I have this couple in my group of friends..she's a very shy sweet girl. He's very masculine, very assertive. When I hear him go on about how he did EVERYTHING I just look at her and she smiles to me. Because SHE created all the opportunities for him to do that, including leaving him the illusion that it was his idea. As shy as she is, the covert actions didn't go amiss with me but flew entirely past his head.
In case you were wondering why I am a "yes" on 5 but "no" on 7...to my judgement a man has more at stake if the marriage goes bad. You marry to have children mainly and courts will seldom rule in his favor in case of a divorce...so for me for a man to have initiative in that realm, speaks volumes because he's taking a gamble. It truly means I am THAT worth it to him.
Also I feel women are on their knees a lot more than men are in relationships so suffice to say he should also get to experience what we do when we get rug burns. Equality and all that.
I also hear you on #7. I'm old fashioned and think that the guy should do the proposing to "show" his overall investment. He needs to be the one acknowledging the relationship, ESPECIALLY if the woman has been pushing things along already.
click to expand
Posted by ChuckcemSometimes I think that guys would feel worse being rejected than women if we are rejected.Posted by EllygantI totally agree, I think most people act out of an underlying fear of being too vulnerable. No one wants to look foolish. So men feel the need to force interactions while women feel afraid to push their own desires. Both sides aren't acting naturally with what they ultimately want because out of the fear of being judged.Posted by ChuckcemYou're probably right. The neediest men I met were the ones who accused me constantly of trying to trap them in a relationship when I'd be talking about something completely unrelated.Posted by EllygantThanks for your response. The funny thing is, I find that needy guys generally want the relationship to be their idea. They feel the need to lock the woman down into a relationship. Non-needy guys (specifically the ones who aren't players or jerks), don't care who brings up the relationship or would prefer the lady bring it up. These guys are more focused on building the rapport, creating fun memories, and setting up dates.Posted by ChuckcemTypically, women that ask for a relationship are immediately stereotyped as needy and clingy at best or manipulative and controlling at worst.
Interesting, seems like more women are good with doing most things first (#1,2,3,4,6), including sex on the first date. However when it comes to pushing for the relationship (#5) not so much. Why is that? (It's pretty obvious that #7 wouldn't be a favorite, but worth asking.)
Men like to think it was their idea lol.
I get what you're saying though, women find that when they bring up a relationship, it's always a bit "too soon". No one wants too look clingy or needy. Yet, is it worth it?
I actually agree with @compy when she said The woman has the final call in a relationship anyway. I prefer to let things flow naturally. I feel by having the guy prompt the relationship, women are giving up that control. What if the guy is needy, clingy, or controlling? I realize in reality life isn't so cut and dry, especially when emotions are involved, which is also why I agree with ...So, it may be me, or him to step officially in. I prefer to let him do it.
I find the word 'feelings' scares the shit out of people in general I've noticed, male or female. Everyone wants to love and be loved but a lot of people have problems exercising the honest vulnerability it takes to get there. I've witnessed the most cold and reserved men and women crumble when they receive a negative text from their S/O and be near tears over feeling so misunderstood. Then the next word out of their mouth is 'I'm going to ignore them/run away.' Lol.
Asking for a relationship is the ultimate expression of feelings a lot of times these days, sadly ha. Despite the fact most people won't admit it, it's a lot easier to be physically intimate than it is emotionally.click to expand
Posted by ChuckcemYes, or sometimes I'm nervous but I want whatever it is so much I don't let that stop me. 🙂Posted by CopperDoveSounds like you're pretty comfortable in most situations.
1. Talk to guy who you are interested in first? Yes
2. Ask a guy for his number first? Yes
3. Call a guy first for a first date? Yes
4. Go for the kiss on the first date? I would like to, but I haven't done it before
5. Ask to be in a relationship first? Not quite like that. I've sometimes asked men I've dated what they want if it isn't entirely clear to me, and we go from there (if what they want isn't what I want, I know to not pursue further). I've rarely needed to. I'm quite up front about what I want when first getting to know people.
6. Have sex on the first date? Only if I know the man for a while before that first date so I know that I like and trust him enough to do that.
7. Propose first? No, but I don't want to get married so I hope no man asks me that either. lol
click to expand
I'm really grateful for something that my grandfather said to me when I was a teenager and didn't have much experience with romantic relationships. I was confused about a guy I had a crush on. The guy had given many signs that he really liked me too, but something was still unclear to me about it because nothing was progressing.
When I told my grandfather about my confusion, he said, "Why don't you call him up and ask him."
At first I was surprised and I thought, "I can do that?"
Then a wonderful sense of realization and freedom came over me, and I thought the same thing again, only not as a question, it became an enthusiastic, "I can do that!"
So I called the guy, and we had a really good talk that helped a lot. 🙂
Posted by EllygantLmao @ ENFPs holding back.Posted by ChuckcemYeah totally agree. Everyone is trying to look less interested the more interested they are, it's all so silly when you think about it. Then again I date a lot of water signs so it's partially my fault. 😆Posted by EllygantI totally agree, I think most people act out of an underlying fear of being too vulnerable. No one wants to look foolish. So men feel the need to force interactions while women feel afraid to push their own desires. Both sides aren't acting naturally with what they ultimately want because out of the fear of being judged.Posted by ChuckcemYou're probably right. The neediest men I met were the ones who accused me constantly of trying to trap them in a relationship when I'd be talking about something completely unrelated.Posted by EllygantThanks for your response. The funny thing is, I find that needy guys generally want the relationship to be their idea. They feel the need to lock the woman down into a relationship. Non-needy guys (specifically the ones who aren't players or jerks), don't care who brings up the relationship or would prefer the lady bring it up. These guys are more focused on building the rapport, creating fun memories, and setting up dates.Posted by ChuckcemTypically, women that ask for a relationship are immediately stereotyped as needy and clingy at best or manipulative and controlling at worst.
Interesting, seems like more women are good with doing most things first (#1,2,3,4,6), including sex on the first date. However when it comes to pushing for the relationship (#5) not so much. Why is that? (It's pretty obvious that #7 wouldn't be a favorite, but worth asking.)
Men like to think it was their idea lol.
I get what you're saying though, women find that when they bring up a relationship, it's always a bit "too soon". No one wants too look clingy or needy. Yet, is it worth it?
I actually agree with @compy when she said The woman has the final call in a relationship anyway. I prefer to let things flow naturally. I feel by having the guy prompt the relationship, women are giving up that control. What if the guy is needy, clingy, or controlling? I realize in reality life isn't so cut and dry, especially when emotions are involved, which is also why I agree with ...So, it may be me, or him to step officially in. I prefer to let him do it.
I find the word 'feelings' scares the shit out of people in general I've noticed, male or female. Everyone wants to love and be loved but a lot of people have problems exercising the honest vulnerability it takes to get there. I've witnessed the most cold and reserved men and women crumble when they receive a negative text from their S/O and be near tears over feeling so misunderstood. Then the next word out of their mouth is 'I'm going to ignore them/run away.' Lol.
Asking for a relationship is the ultimate expression of feelings a lot of times these days, sadly ha. Despite the fact most people won't admit it, it's a lot easier to be physically intimate than it is emotionally.
The more open I've been though the better. My girl friends absolutely hate it and constantly tell me not to, but I am stubborn and do it anyways lol. They are more concerned about me getting hurt than I am. LOL. Yeah the rejection sucks and feels soul crushing at first ha. But I find I get over it quicker instead of obsessing over what's going on in circles.
Plus I've been through so many unique and varying heartbreaks by now I'm pretty sure there's nothing I can't bounce back from. 😛 And sag Rising is an eternal optimist.click to expand
Just rofl @ that trainwreck.
We're miserable if we do.
Posted by EllygantI swear the only reasons I might hold back is that I tend to be more than a fair share of oblivious at times so I need to gauge it better. That and overthinking and doubting my instincts. I don't want to come across as imposing on some unsuspecting dude who might not even be into me. But then again, I will risk it fuck it lol.Posted by DamnataYES OMFG THANK YOU.Posted by EllygantLmao @ ENFPs holding back.Posted by ChuckcemYeah totally agree. Everyone is trying to look less interested the more interested they are, it's all so silly when you think about it. Then again I date a lot of water signs so it's partially my fault. 😆Posted by EllygantI totally agree, I think most people act out of an underlying fear of being too vulnerable. No one wants to look foolish. So men feel the need to force interactions while women feel afraid to push their own desires. Both sides aren't acting naturally with what they ultimately want because out of the fear of being judged.Posted by ChuckcemYou're probably right. The neediest men I met were the ones who accused me constantly of trying to trap them in a relationship when I'd be talking about something completely unrelated.Posted by EllygantThanks for your response. The funny thing is, I find that needy guys generally want the relationship to be their idea. They feel the need to lock the woman down into a relationship. Non-needy guys (specifically the ones who aren't players or jerks), don't care who brings up the relationship or would prefer the lady bring it up. These guys are more focused on building the rapport, creating fun memories, and setting up dates.Posted by ChuckcemTypically, women that ask for a relationship are immediately stereotyped as needy and clingy at best or manipulative and controlling at worst.
Interesting, seems like more women are good with doing most things first (#1,2,3,4,6), including sex on the first date. However when it comes to pushing for the relationship (#5) not so much. Why is that? (It's pretty obvious that #7 wouldn't be a favorite, but worth asking.)
Men like to think it was their idea lol.
I get what you're saying though, women find that when they bring up a relationship, it's always a bit "too soon". No one wants too look clingy or needy. Yet, is it worth it?
I actually agree with @compy when she said The woman has the final call in a relationship anyway. I prefer to let things flow naturally. I feel by having the guy prompt the relationship, women are giving up that control. What if the guy is needy, clingy, or controlling? I realize in reality life isn't so cut and dry, especially when emotions are involved, which is also why I agree with ...So, it may be me, or him to step officially in. I prefer to let him do it.
I find the word 'feelings' scares the shit out of people in general I've noticed, male or female. Everyone wants to love and be loved but a lot of people have problems exercising the honest vulnerability it takes to get there. I've witnessed the most cold and reserved men and women crumble when they receive a negative text from their S/O and be near tears over feeling so misunderstood. Then the next word out of their mouth is 'I'm going to ignore them/run away.' Lol.
Asking for a relationship is the ultimate expression of feelings a lot of times these days, sadly ha. Despite the fact most people won't admit it, it's a lot easier to be physically intimate than it is emotionally.
The more open I've been though the better. My girl friends absolutely hate it and constantly tell me not to, but I am stubborn and do it anyways lol. They are more concerned about me getting hurt than I am. LOL. Yeah the rejection sucks and feels soul crushing at first ha. But I find I get over it quicker instead of obsessing over what's going on in circles.
Plus I've been through so many unique and varying heartbreaks by now I'm pretty sure there's nothing I can't bounce back from. 😛 And sag Rising is an eternal optimist.
Just rofl @ that trainwreck.
We're miserable if we do.
I kept trying to explain this to them but I just gave up eventually lol. Now I just do what I want and tell them about it later. That way they don't feel obligated to give me big speeches, I don't end up feeling like an inherently terrible woman and I don't rebel by doing what I was going to do, times 100 just cause I get rebellious. Lol.click to expand
*Me playing it cool on a date*
"I really like you! Hey we should go and do this X thing this weekend if you have time and you'd want. What say you?"
My Aries gay best friend: *facepalm*
Posted by notsosureWhat if he's waiting on you to bring it up instead?Posted by Chuckcem'Cause when you need to ask him probably means he doesn't want one, or else he would have asked.
Interesting, seems like more women are good with doing most things first (#1,2,3,4,6), including sex on the first date. However when it comes to pushing for the relationship (#5) not so much. Why is that? (It's pretty obvious that #7 wouldn't be a favorite, but worth asking.)click to expand
Posted by AerazoI think that women are more careful and calculated when taking risks than guys are. Women therefore are more prepared for a potential negative outcome. Guys, not knowing how to interact with women, put all of their hope into a single action and are then devastated if met with rejection.Posted by ChuckcemSometimes I think that guys would feel worse being rejected than women if we are rejected.Posted by EllygantI totally agree, I think most people act out of an underlying fear of being too vulnerable. No one wants to look foolish. So men feel the need to force interactions while women feel afraid to push their own desires. Both sides aren't acting naturally with what they ultimately want because out of the fear of being judged.Posted by ChuckcemYou're probably right. The neediest men I met were the ones who accused me constantly of trying to trap them in a relationship when I'd be talking about something completely unrelated.Posted by EllygantThanks for your response. The funny thing is, I find that needy guys generally want the relationship to be their idea. They feel the need to lock the woman down into a relationship. Non-needy guys (specifically the ones who aren't players or jerks), don't care who brings up the relationship or would prefer the lady bring it up. These guys are more focused on building the rapport, creating fun memories, and setting up dates.Posted by ChuckcemTypically, women that ask for a relationship are immediately stereotyped as needy and clingy at best or manipulative and controlling at worst.
Interesting, seems like more women are good with doing most things first (#1,2,3,4,6), including sex on the first date. However when it comes to pushing for the relationship (#5) not so much. Why is that? (It's pretty obvious that #7 wouldn't be a favorite, but worth asking.)
Men like to think it was their idea lol.
I get what you're saying though, women find that when they bring up a relationship, it's always a bit "too soon". No one wants too look clingy or needy. Yet, is it worth it?
I actually agree with @compy when she said The woman has the final call in a relationship anyway. I prefer to let things flow naturally. I feel by having the guy prompt the relationship, women are giving up that control. What if the guy is needy, clingy, or controlling? I realize in reality life isn't so cut and dry, especially when emotions are involved, which is also why I agree with ...So, it may be me, or him to step officially in. I prefer to let him do it.
I find the word 'feelings' scares the shit out of people in general I've noticed, male or female. Everyone wants to love and be loved but a lot of people have problems exercising the honest vulnerability it takes to get there. I've witnessed the most cold and reserved men and women crumble when they receive a negative text from their S/O and be near tears over feeling so misunderstood. Then the next word out of their mouth is 'I'm going to ignore them/run away.' Lol.
Asking for a relationship is the ultimate expression of feelings a lot of times these days, sadly ha. Despite the fact most people won't admit it, it's a lot easier to be physically intimate than it is emotionally.click to expand
Posted by narayanaAh, but you see there's nothing to really be afraid of in that case. If you had never asked, you would have spent a lot of time with a person who would have only used you for sex. Not asking doesn't change the outcome, just delays it.Posted by ChuckcemI did once. Well, more like I asked where we stand and he told me he only wants sex. I was hurt and now I'm scared to go first ever again.Posted by narayanaWhy would you rather not #5?Posted by Chuckcem1. yes
Would you ever (answer whichever questions you want):
1. Talk to guy who you are interested in first?
2. Ask a guy for his number first?
3. Call a guy first for a first date?
4. Go for the kiss on the first date?
5. Ask to be in a relationship first?
6. Have sex on the first date?
7. Propose first?
2. no
3. no
4. yes
5. maybe, but I'd rather not
6. maybe
7. noclick to expand
Posted by CopperDoveSmart man your grandfather. "Simplest way to get an answer is to ask." Also goes along with what I said before about a woman's attraction being one of the most powerful forces out there.Posted by ChuckcemYes, or sometimes I'm nervous but I want whatever it is so much I don't let that stop me. 🙂Posted by CopperDoveSounds like you're pretty comfortable in most situations.
1. Talk to guy who you are interested in first? Yes
2. Ask a guy for his number first? Yes
3. Call a guy first for a first date? Yes
4. Go for the kiss on the first date? I would like to, but I haven't done it before
5. Ask to be in a relationship first? Not quite like that. I've sometimes asked men I've dated what they want if it isn't entirely clear to me, and we go from there (if what they want isn't what I want, I know to not pursue further). I've rarely needed to. I'm quite up front about what I want when first getting to know people.
6. Have sex on the first date? Only if I know the man for a while before that first date so I know that I like and trust him enough to do that.
7. Propose first? No, but I don't want to get married so I hope no man asks me that either. lol
I'm really grateful for something that my grandfather said to me when I was a teenager and didn't have much experience with romantic relationships. I was confused about a guy I had a crush on. The guy had given many signs that he really liked me too, but something was still unclear to me about it because nothing was progressing.
When I told my grandfather about my confusion, he said, "Why don't you call him up and ask him."
At first I was surprised and I thought, "I can do that?"
Then a wonderful sense of realization and freedom came over me, and I thought the same thing again, only not as a question, it became an enthusiastic, "I can do that!"
So I called the guy, and we had a really good talk that helped a lot. 🙂
click to expand
Posted by notsosureThis also happens to guys as well. It's all about pacing. Asking too soon could definitely lead to rejection. Also not qualifying the other person ahead of time can too.Posted by narayanaExactly.Posted by ChuckcemI did once. Well, more like I asked where we stand and he told me he only wants sex. I was hurt and now I'm scared to go first ever again.Posted by narayanaWhy would you rather not #5?Posted by Chuckcem1. yes
Would you ever (answer whichever questions you want):
1. Talk to guy who you are interested in first?
2. Ask a guy for his number first?
3. Call a guy first for a first date?
4. Go for the kiss on the first date?
5. Ask to be in a relationship first?
6. Have sex on the first date?
7. Propose first?
2. no
3. no
4. yes
5. maybe, but I'd rather not
6. maybe
7. no
All times I have initiated anything like this, the answer has been 'not ready/not looking for at relationship'
If a guy doesn't initiate 99% of the times he just wants sex and cuddles and not to be tied down.click to expand
Posted by Chuckcem
Would you ever (answer whichever questions you want):
1. Talk to guy who you are interested in first?
2. Ask a guy for his number first?
3. Call a guy first for a first date?
4. Go for the kiss on the first date?
5. Ask to be in a relationship first?
6. Have sex on the first date?
7. Propose first?
1. Have done
2. Have done
3. Semi did. Not call, but texted.
4. Have done. If I sense his nervousness I'll ease him into it.
5. Have done. Works out surprisingly well for the more reserved types.
6. Have done
7. Nope
Posted by EllygantThat awesome! Do what feels right and natural to you. There's so much advice that is designed to keep people from getting hurt, that it takes the risk out of life. No risk, no reward. Unless those friends are in the types of relationships you'd want to be in yourself, there's not real point in listening to them.Posted by ChuckcemYeah totally agree. Everyone is trying to look less interested the more interested they are, it's all so silly when you think about it. Then again I date a lot of water signs so it's partially my fault. 😆Posted by EllygantI totally agree, I think most people act out of an underlying fear of being too vulnerable. No one wants to look foolish. So men feel the need to force interactions while women feel afraid to push their own desires. Both sides aren't acting naturally with what they ultimately want because out of the fear of being judged.Posted by ChuckcemYou're probably right. The neediest men I met were the ones who accused me constantly of trying to trap them in a relationship when I'd be talking about something completely unrelated.Posted by EllygantThanks for your response. The funny thing is, I find that needy guys generally want the relationship to be their idea. They feel the need to lock the woman down into a relationship. Non-needy guys (specifically the ones who aren't players or jerks), don't care who brings up the relationship or would prefer the lady bring it up. These guys are more focused on building the rapport, creating fun memories, and setting up dates.Posted by ChuckcemTypically, women that ask for a relationship are immediately stereotyped as needy and clingy at best or manipulative and controlling at worst.
Interesting, seems like more women are good with doing most things first (#1,2,3,4,6), including sex on the first date. However when it comes to pushing for the relationship (#5) not so much. Why is that? (It's pretty obvious that #7 wouldn't be a favorite, but worth asking.)
Men like to think it was their idea lol.
I get what you're saying though, women find that when they bring up a relationship, it's always a bit "too soon". No one wants too look clingy or needy. Yet, is it worth it?
I actually agree with @compy when she said The woman has the final call in a relationship anyway. I prefer to let things flow naturally. I feel by having the guy prompt the relationship, women are giving up that control. What if the guy is needy, clingy, or controlling? I realize in reality life isn't so cut and dry, especially when emotions are involved, which is also why I agree with ...So, it may be me, or him to step officially in. I prefer to let him do it.
I find the word 'feelings' scares the shit out of people in general I've noticed, male or female. Everyone wants to love and be loved but a lot of people have problems exercising the honest vulnerability it takes to get there. I've witnessed the most cold and reserved men and women crumble when they receive a negative text from their S/O and be near tears over feeling so misunderstood. Then the next word out of their mouth is 'I'm going to ignore them/run away.' Lol.
Asking for a relationship is the ultimate expression of feelings a lot of times these days, sadly ha. Despite the fact most people won't admit it, it's a lot easier to be physically intimate than it is emotionally.
The more open I've been though the better. My girl friends absolutely hate it and constantly tell me not to, but I am stubborn and do it anyways lol. They are more concerned about me getting hurt than I am. LOL. Yeah the rejection sucks and feels soul crushing at first ha. But I find I get over it quicker instead of obsessing over what's going on in circles.
Plus I've been through so many unique and varying heartbreaks by now I'm pretty sure there's nothing I can't bounce back from. 😛 And sag Rising is an eternal optimist.click to expand
Posted by notsosureGood, setting up rules that go against what naturally feels right makes no sense anyway. In my mind reading the situation closely makes more sense to do. If you feel like asking, then do it.
But will also add: if I meet someone and get nervous and uncomfortable with the thought of asking this, that's when I know it's time to ask, and possibly get out before it's too late.
So I will not stop asking ?
Posted by VirgoreanI think this is an important point you've made, Works out surprisingly well for the more reserved types., though I'd also say more ambitious types resonate with this as well.Posted by Chuckcem
Would you ever (answer whichever questions you want):
1. Talk to guy who you are interested in first?
2. Ask a guy for his number first?
3. Call a guy first for a first date?
4. Go for the kiss on the first date?
5. Ask to be in a relationship first?
6. Have sex on the first date?
7. Propose first?
1. Have done
2. Have done
3. Semi did. Not call, but texted.
4. Have done. If I sense his nervousness I'll ease him into it.
5. Have done. Works out surprisingly well for the more reserved types.
6. Have done
7. Nopeclick to expand
Posted by ChuckcemFrom experience, it gives them a shock factor being taken aback by it. The key being it happens in a natural state of progression. It cannot be forced out of fear. If it comes off desperate or not in sync then yes it is more likely to backfire.Posted by VirgoreanI think this is an important point you've made, Works out surprisingly well for the more reserved types., though I'd also say more ambitious types resonate with this as well.Posted by Chuckcem
Would you ever (answer whichever questions you want):
1. Talk to guy who you are interested in first?
2. Ask a guy for his number first?
3. Call a guy first for a first date?
4. Go for the kiss on the first date?
5. Ask to be in a relationship first?
6. Have sex on the first date?
7. Propose first?
1. Have done
2. Have done
3. Semi did. Not call, but texted.
4. Have done. If I sense his nervousness I'll ease him into it.
5. Have done. Works out surprisingly well for the more reserved types.
6. Have done
7. Nopeclick to expand
Posted by VirgoreanTotally. I'm actually a more reserved type, though I have no problem initiating things. A woman though who has the confidence to lay out what she wants is SUPER attractive. I'm so used to making all of the decision, that it flips the script.Posted by ChuckcemFrom experience, it gives them a shock factor being taken aback by it. The key being it happens in a natural state of progression. It cannot be forced out of fear. If it comes off desperate or not in sync then yes it is more likely to backfire.Posted by VirgoreanI think this is an important point you've made, Works out surprisingly well for the more reserved types., though I'd also say more ambitious types resonate with this as well.Posted by Chuckcem
Would you ever (answer whichever questions you want):
1. Talk to guy who you are interested in first?
2. Ask a guy for his number first?
3. Call a guy first for a first date?
4. Go for the kiss on the first date?
5. Ask to be in a relationship first?
6. Have sex on the first date?
7. Propose first?
1. Have done
2. Have done
3. Semi did. Not call, but texted.
4. Have done. If I sense his nervousness I'll ease him into it.
5. Have done. Works out surprisingly well for the more reserved types.
6. Have done
7. Nopeclick to expand
1. Talk to guy who you are interested in first?
I have yes, but i have learned to guard mysef so very rarely unless i reallllly like the guy.
2. Ask a guy for his number first? nope
3. Call a guy first for a first date? nope, i rarely initiate with a call to a guy, i'm very old school.
4. Go for the kiss on the first date? depends on things, but doubtful, don't think i ever have. unless i was dating him already.
5. Ask to be in a relationship first? no
6. Have sex on the first date? no
7. Propose first? no
I have yes, but i have learned to guard mysef so very rarely unless i reallllly like the guy.
2. Ask a guy for his number first? nope
3. Call a guy first for a first date? nope, i rarely initiate with a call to a guy, i'm very old school.
4. Go for the kiss on the first date? depends on things, but doubtful, don't think i ever have. unless i was dating him already.
5. Ask to be in a relationship first? no
6. Have sex on the first date? no
7. Propose first? no
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