Am I being clingy or he's just weird?

So, we have been together for 4 months now and were best friends for 6 months prior to getting in a relationship.

Hes a virgo sun with scorpio mars and venus. We have our college vacation now and we whatsapp every single day for hours and went on a date twice in these 2 months vacation.

Now, he went to his cousin's place last week. We were chatting the entire time before he had to board the flight. He reached and texted me and I casually asked him the name of the place since my hometown is right there so I was excited and curious. He got mad about it! He said i am being nosy. Like WTF!!! I was extremely hurt but I still chose to keep it aside and not bring up a fight as I wanted him to enjoy. He was learning the native language of that town since that's where I originally belong to. It made me happy and I asked him to tell me few words. He was having fun learning all the abusive slangs.It was going fun until he said something which in English means "I'll fuck you and make you bleed". I found it extremely disrespectful. I am a virgin(he's not) and after lots of fights and frustrating depressing moments weeks ago I decided to let us make love this October after our semester midterm but incidents like these make me doubt my decision. I expressed that I found that statement to be highly degrading and he got mad that I am mad at him(like,WOW). He said things like "thanks for ruining my mood.I hate your language now,thanks to you". I thought he'd sober up next day and realize what he said wasn't good but nope. He started acting cold. He didnt text at all.

I texted today after a day and a half saying "hi,love you miss you,take care". He replied "okay.Take care".

I am the one who's mad yet I am the one initiating and he's the one acting all pricey. I behaved normal and said "your cousins love you but so do I. Dont you miss me at all? I am not saying talk to me all day.Rather I tell you to focus there and enjoy there but atleast one text in an entire day would be nice". I said it very casually. He said " I'd be returning back in couple of days and then I'd be free to talk. For now atleast let me enjoy with my people here. I am busy. What is this love me,miss me thingy". Never ever have i been misunderstood so bad. I just expected one text(which takes like 1-5 seconds) in an entire day.I thought my "love you miss you" text would make him happy like it did to my Cancerian ex who got out from his office to call me and say how adorable he thought it was and how much he loves me but with my current virgo guy it was ouch. What hurt me even more was that he texted my female bestie yesterday and today commenting on her profile pic on Whatsapp but he's "busy" when it comes to texting me now all of a sudden.

Am I over-reacting or he's being mean and weird? Would love if someone shed some virgo male light upon me.

Awkward.

He’s not the one....

Aside from him being a dick.. He has time to comment on your female friends picture but doesn’t have time to talk to you?

That’s some next level disrespect. Don’t stand for it sis🙅‍♀️ Pull back, he’ll act right if he cares.

No! Honey, baby, love...NO!!!

Be strong. Make him fall to your feet and apologize or done!

Please. Don’t ruin yourself by this asshole! He is an asshole!!! And after he contacted your ‘bestie’...he is even bigger asshole!!!

Learn to deal with it and get strong and kick his arrogant butt!!! ❤️

Thank you so much for your replies,everyone. Means a lot to me xD.

I didn't tell him that I know he texted my bestie regarding her profile pic on whatsapp. I'm reserving that talk for when we meet in person next when college starts in 10 days. He texted me a funny joke last night on his own. Then he texted me today morning asking me what am I upto. I was out shopping clothes for myself with my mom so he asked me to send him pictures so he can help me decide(he hates my sense of fashion so he always helps me choose). Now he texted me again asking what am I upto (just as I type this here lol).

Then he posted a photo of us on Instagram and wrote - She is not what I WANT,she is what I NEED.

We both are polar opposites - he drinks a lot and the farthest I have been is smell beer and declare that I hate it. He even smoked weed and cigar(he has quit now as I told him I hate to see him do that) and I consider these distasteful. He is not a virgin and is toooo sexually kinky and has an extremely high libido whereas I am a virgin and prefer being sophisticated. I am a nerd and he's a hottie. He is tooo much into looks and clothes whereas I only focus on studies and soccer/football. He is a lot into PDA whereas I hate PDA.

When we officially got in a relationship, everyone in college was shocked as to how because we are so opposite. We fight a lot too due to our difference of opinions. Also, being a Piscean I am extremely sensitive,sentimental and emotional whereas he being a Virgo is extremely extremely extremely critical and super demanding and dogmatic.He is super sensitive and sentimental too which is why we argue a lot. It's a magic how we still love each other's company--online and offline. It gets difficult when talking online when we are long distant because we tend to misunderstand and over-react and argue more but we never really stop talking and it's amazing when we are together in person. He pursuades me a lot for sex and alcohol(he just wants to get high with me) and I keep saying a straight no and that makes him super mad. The few things we have in common are - 100% honesty, loyalty,chicken lovers, soccer/football lovers,love for travelling,both want a stable partner and a serious relationship. We both know we are not each others type yet we want to be together. Is it very strange or stupid?

I asked him what kind of a girl does he want as a wife for him and his family. He said a girl like me is what he wants.He said I am not his type but still loves me because of my nature as I am extremely loyal and he knows I genuinely love him.He said I am too different than his exes and that it's a good thing.

He's both defensive and manipulative, get out

Posted by Waterbearerwearer

Idk

Sounds like you’re under some illusion that small talk and social media are the be all end all of stable reciprocated relationships.

They aren’t.

I think you’re hanging around cos you like that he’s a “hottie”

That's what you construed from my post,really? I never ever get in relationships just based on looks. Looks are a superficial element for me. And I am not just 'hanging around'. It's an official,commited,serious relationship. I am with him because I really love him. We have been best friends before getting in a relationship so we have known each other for a decent amount of time. And I just mentioned his instagram post casually without really intending to show off how lovey dovey things are or whatever but just for that caption he wrote.

We are very different in many many aspects but I love the fact that he's very straightforward,honest, and he's my best friend above anything else and not just because I find him hot. God no.

Posted by Froggie_Woogie

Posted by FantamRooster

Why can't it be both? I think you seem a bit clingy, but he's also an asshole. The question is why would you chase after someone who's not reciprocating? You'll probably find that there isn't a rational answer to that question, and it's all about emotions. Get some space from him so you can think.

I think he texted your best friend about her picture to put you in your place and let you know you're not his girlfriend. He knew she would tell you. I would respond to that by no longer being his girlfriend.

Plus one.

Don't like a guy who would hit on your friend. And don't be friends with those who would hit on your guy. Ultimate shady behavior. Saves tons of troubles.

And OP, was that the first time you said I love you to him? If yes, then your i love you came with certain expectations.

click to expand

He wasn't hitting on her at all. We 3 are a group of best friends-me,my female bestie and him. They are more like siblings to each other lol. They both didnt talk over a month this entire vacation and it was me who asked him to talk to her so she doesn't feel left out. She changed her profile photo so he texted her saying it's a nice pic. They exchanged 2 messages and that was it. I get it that he was mad at me that time so he didn't text me the entire day and when I texted he said he's busy. He realized his behaviour wasn't good so he texted me of his own last night(after I posted here) and today.

And no,it wasn't the first time I said I love you to him. It was first him who confessed that he loves me and then I confessed the same and it was only then that we decided to get in this relationship committing to each other. We say I love you almost everyday. It's something we say before going to sleep and while making out and when he looks too intensely into my eyes and when I get emotional and when I send him photos of my curves lol. I know it probably sounds cheezy or whatever but thats how it is.Call it the honeymoon phase,maybe.

*Update(because i dont want to start a new thread)*

The last talk we had was 3 days ago.

4 days ago we were talking about campus placement and he said he wants to work in the public sector in our country.He wants to pursue MBA in our country whereas,I want to go abroad to pursue my Masters degree and PhD. This is something he knew ever since we were best friends. When he confessed he loves me,he was aware we'd have to be in a LDR after we graduate next year. We made plans on how to make this work after college. He said he sucks at it but will try his best. Anyway,so after he said that,I reminded him that if he wants to stay in our country and has no plans going abroad then what is the future of our relationship.He said he hasn't given a serious thought about his career after MBA and said he's only focussed about MBA exam now. He said he wants to 'live in the present'. I told him that few serious things like a relationship need to considered only after thinking about the future else there's no point getting so close to each other only to breakup due to an inevitable reason. He said there's nothing to do with a breakup(he gets mad when i talk about breakups) and said we'll marry once I am done studying.Said he's willing to wait. I asked him what if i get a great job with a great salary abroad? He said in that case he doesnt mind leaving his job and move abroad with me and look for a new job there because money is important. So we had that talk and few minutes later he said he's sleepy and said goodnight. I knew something was wrong because it was too early for him to sleep. I saw him active on facebook for 1.5 hours after that. I even funnily texted him that I know he's not asleep but he didnt read it until the next day morning and didnt reply to that.

The next day he texted me about our mutual friend and said few casual things and I replied and sent him a video of my pet.He didnt read my text at all. This was 3 days ago. Then day before yesterday I went for an overnight camping and I posted photos.He saw them but again,didnt text me at all. He read my text from 3 days ago yesterday but didnt reply or text anything at all. I texted him last night but he was asleep so he didnt read it. I had texted "what's our relationship status?". I thought its probably a bad idea as i looked very insecure so i deleted it so he cant read the message but he can see that I texted him something last night which I deleted.Again,he didnt even bother to know what was it that I texted.

This is a very very unusual behaviour from him. Our college reopens next week on monday and I know he'll come hug me and try to kiss me like nothing ever happened but this behavior is very disturbing. On one hand I am told that I must not tolerate this and I must confront him and go missing on him too. On the other hand I am told to accept his 'need for space' and behave all normal and good when he returns. What am I supposed to do really? Does anyone have any idea what's cooking here?

Also,I came across this

https://virgomansecrets.com/blog/why-a-virgo-man-ignores-your-text-messages/

Does it make sense to you virgos? Relatable?

Posted by tiziani

However he's not going to learn to open up and share like that, it's not the kind of example he's going to learn from to calm down and just open up. I can only see this either becoming more distant or more toxic. In short the reactions from both sides are poor reward for you both.

I agree with you Tiziani. The way we react is not good at all. I am a pisces,so I am very sensitive as it is and his venus is in Scorpio so probably that's why his reactions are always very hyper intense. The problem with both of us is that we both are extremely sensitive and sentimental. When he says or does something which I dont like, I express it that i didnt like what he said. He gets mad that I am mad at him. I call it a normal discussion but he treats it like an argument/fight. I would love to work on this if there's anything I could do to make our communication better in these cases.

Posted by tiziani

And I'd not try to manage a relationship via text. Text message is where people turn petty and share thoughts they'd think twice about sharing in person.

In person it's easier to understand the need for compassion, when you see the other person's reactions right in front of you in real time. It's pretty essential to know you both have that compassion for one another in person, otherwise you have no future. Whereas doing things by text is not only avoiding finding that out, but tempting more of the petty.

I agree that texting is not the best way to manage a relationship but what else is the option when you are long distant? We have our vacation period now since 2 months and he's in a different state now since 2 weeks.We went on a date twice these 2 months. Our college reopens next week. We are super great together when we are in person. There's a tremendous amount of affection,understanding and empathy for each other. People watch us in awe and even compliment us. He always makes me feel highly special in college and when we go out on a date. Infact, when we went on our previous date 3 weeks ago,he said how much it sucks that we fight online but are so amazing when together. What scares me is that we'd be getting long distant for years from next year after we graduate. I'd visit him twice a year but the period between my visits and him disappearing like he is right now,that thought scares me wayy too much.

Posted by Arielle83

Why are u so intense? 4 months and talking marriage and stuff?

Because i am dead against the idea of going for a relationship if I see no future. I know you ant really predict the future but atleast it has to make sense. And this is something he very well knows.

Posted by Arielle83

If you need his attention when he wants space to focus on family, you are not giving him what he needs. Seems to be all about what you need.

It really isnt that. I dont mind at all if we dont talk as much for days.Rather I was the one who would tell him to focus more on spending time with his cousins and not remain hung up chatting with me. But suddenly since 1 week he has grown distant. And today is day 3 that he hasnt texted at all. This has never happened before. Not even during our ugliest of fights.I hate when there's unpredictability,unstability and inconsistency. When two people talk everyday for hours and make it a point and suddenly they dont at all, it does throw any normal person off guard. When I dont reply to his text for more than 3 hours,he gets all crazy and keeps texting "where are you why arent you replying?is everthing okay?". All I want is him to let me know that he wont be able to talk as much for so and so reason. He did tell me that's busy with his family but then I see him active on facebook and texting other people,so this.

Posted by Arielle83

Looks like he has moments when he likes you, but when u start laying down what u want him to do, you push him away and gets annoyed.

Believe me when I say I am not even half an demanding as he is.

Posted by Arielle83

If you’re going to get your Ph.d, you need to stop making him number 1. All of this stuff is just petty.

click to expand

This,ya.

Posted by -sierra-

Posted by gia

Posted by tiziani

And I'd not try to manage a relationship via text. Text message is where people turn petty and share thoughts they'd think twice about sharing in person.

In person it's easier to understand the need for compassion, when you see the other person's reactions right in front of you in real time. It's pretty essential to know you both have that compassion for one another in person, otherwise you have no future. Whereas doing things by text is not only avoiding finding that out, but tempting more of the petty.

I agree that texting is not the best way to manage a relationship but what else is the option when you are long distant? We have our vacation period now since 2 months and he's in a different state now since 2 weeks.We went on a date twice these 2 months. Our college reopens next week. We are super great together when we are in person. There's a tremendous amount of affection,understanding and empathy for each other. People watch us in awe and even compliment us. He always makes me feel highly special in college and when we go out on a date. Infact, when we went on our previous date 3 weeks ago,he said how much it sucks that we fight online but are so amazing when together. What scares me is that we'd be getting long distant for years from next year after we graduate. I'd visit him twice a year but the period between my visits and him disappearing like he is right now,that thought scares me wayy too much.

i am the same with my bf

we tend to fight when we text or chat with each other online but it's the opposite in person.. so weird

click to expand

It's great as long as you two are together in the same vicinity. How long have you been together?

Posted by -sierra-

since 2013, we met online then met up in person.. we moved in together around the 9th month of dating each other

we had an argument too when i disappeared for 3 hours (those were hectic days for us, with super busy scheds) so i guess it stressed him out and made him strangely clingy

i think i'm a genius for hanging out at my mom's house for a whole week every month.. gives us space to breathe away from each other

in fact, i'm at my mom's house right now

That's cool. Yeah getting mad about disappearing for 3 hours is kinda weird but as you say, hectic situations so.

Even I was unnecessarily freaking out. My guy returned back home yesterday from his cousin's place and texted me yesterday and we have been talking like usual. I guess sometimes certain situations make us behave strangely out of paranoia or insecurity due to some reason. And then when things get back to normal in sometime,you realize you were being silly lol xD