Forgiveness... for the weak or for the strong —

Some may say that forgiveness is a virtue and it shows good character in a person while others may disagree.

In your opinion does forgiveness show weakness or strength?

Posted by OrGasMe
Strong. You can forgive people without allowing them back in.

True. You can also forgive people who actually never asked for forgiveness.

Posted by Impulsv
Strong

The hardest thing to do on a serious betrayal

I would agree but in the long run this must be the healthiest way to go about things and moving on correct ?

Strong.. better to forgive & not hold onto the anger, it will only affect u , not the other person

Strong

Strong.

Forgive it, but never forget it.

It's for the wise. If you can't find it in you to forgive (to let it go / let bygones be bygones), you'll carry that burden with you - like an open wound (psychological) that can't heal properly - cause the resentment keeps that wound alive... It's not even about the one who hurt you anymore. The one in question might not even care - or may have forgotten about it long ago - yet, you're still suffering - by holding that grudge. The only one who's still suffering and somehow stuck.

Forgive and forget?

Or forgive and proceed as nothing happened?

Elaborate please.

If I forgive and forget it doesn't matter IF that person is forgiven. He/she is forgotten - I never wish ill on anyone so...go on with your life! Without me. Do you care if you forgiven? Strange if so...

If I forgive you and continue with you in my life...hmmmm

That's a strong move but I just can't do it.

So it's like I forgave you but you still have to be out!

Again. Who cares if you forgiven if I said 'it's ok. Bye...'

Posted by Mike79
Some may say that forgiveness is a virtue and it shows good character in a person while others may disagree.

In your opinion does forgiveness show weakness or strength?

If you're ex or Military personnel, it's considered a weakness (believe you me, I work for the Army) when you apologize. If you are a person of "virtue" (NOT saying Military are NOT) then it shows good character. I always say sorry when I make a mistake or "my bad". Plain and simple. The other person doesn't laugh their ass off (LOL) by making fun of me for saying "sorry". While a small percentage are just conceited as if I owe them something for apologizing. I don't OWE them jack doo doo 😉 This example is just for co-workers. Believe you me, I have 48 staff members and each and every one own them have their own personalty. BOTH Military and civilians. The HIGHER the rank, the higher their ego grows. Same when they get promoted as civilians. Comes with the territory. "If you cannot stand the heat, get outta the kitchen."

🤗 cyber hugs!

Love,

Eva

I don't have to forgive to move on. If I deem someone is a PoS, they don't deserve my forgiveness, and I'll leave it to the universe to forgive their sorry asses. Don't even question my character when I'm the one with an open wound on his heart.

Don't ever fvck me. Simple as that.

Posted by Evoxxxscorpio

Posted by Gemitati
Forgive and forget?

Or forgive and proceed as nothing happened?

Elaborate please.

If I forgive and forget it doesn't matter IF that person is forgiven. He/she is forgotten - I never wish ill on anyone so...go on with your life! Without me. Do you care if you forgiven? Strange if so...

If I forgive you and continue with you in my life...hmmmm

That's a strong move but I just can't do it.

So it's like I forgave you but you still have to be out!

Again. Who cares if you forgiven if I said 'it's ok. Bye...'

?

click to expand

Let's elope. ?

Posted by tiziani
It's your choice.

It doesn't reflect upon your character in any great way, unless you do a lot of forgiving (which begs a lot of other questions).

You losing it man!

What was THAT?

Posted by DlCKBUTT
It's a tool and it all depends on how it's used. You can weak if you're someone who forgives to either manipulate or save a futile cause i.e. either the aggressor in the relationship or the one being oppressed. You do damage to no one but yourself. You can be strong if you know that you yourself are ok with or without forgiving the other person and that you have control over your life and yourself, but you choose to forgive because you understand that people mess up and it's better than to hold a grudge which in itself is a waste of emotional resources.

Blah blah blah...

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Evoxxxscorpio

Posted by Gemitati
Forgive and forget?

Or forgive and proceed as nothing happened?

Elaborate please.

If I forgive and forget it doesn't matter IF that person is forgiven. He/she is forgotten - I never wish ill on anyone so...go on with your life! Without me. Do you care if you forgiven? Strange if so...

If I forgive you and continue with you in my life...hmmmm

That's a strong move but I just can't do it.

So it's like I forgave you but you still have to be out!

Again. Who cares if you forgiven if I said 'it's ok. Bye...'

?

Let's elope. ?

click to expand

I am forgiving you for laughing at me but I am not forgetting you laughed at me?

The strong forgive but never forget.

The weak let the hurt and anger consume them.

forgive and forget = very strong?

God forgives..... I don't

Def strong. It's not for them it's for you, you need to heal. Forgiving them will give you peace. We should be wishing everyone love and peace. we are all human with mistakes.

It makes you strong. It shows that you are above those who harm or attempt to harm.

Strong.

Posted by Mike79
Some may say that forgiveness is a virtue and it shows good character in a person while others may disagree.

In your opinion does forgiveness show weakness or strength?

I guess I never really cared about how it looks to others, which is what comes to mind when I read things like "shows good character"..."weakness" and "strength".

It a decision you make to simple move on with your life. Nothing more.

Posted by Impulsv
Strong

The hardest thing to do on a serious betrayal

Exactly

Posted by tiziani

It doesn't reflect upon your character in any great way, unless you do a lot of forgiving (which begs a lot of other questions).

*like*

I was thinking the same thing.

for da strong

Posted by starwars
forgiving is genuine act. it shouldn't be linked to either trait as that indicate ego issues.

*nods* This.

Posted by starwars
forgiving is genuine act. it shouldn't be linked to either trait as that indicate ego issues.

interesting

Posted by MagicMona
strong people forgive because it is one of the hardest things to do. weak people dont even try.

Bullshit!

What about all these abuses 'strong' women who forgive anything as long as he is baaaaack?

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by starwars
forgiving is genuine act. it shouldn't be linked to either trait as that indicate ego issues.

*nods* This.

click to expand

Actually... the people for whom forgiveness comes naturally - are highly altruistic. Their Ego is pretty transparent/diluted. They don't have a strong sense of self... they're supposedly spiritual - or they adopt the identity of a martyr. Thus, they don't take their sufferance personally (on a Ego level) - like most people. They see it more as a spiritual test - as a lesson. Sufferance is mainly linked to the Ego (our Ego is the one who acknowledges any form sufferance - since our defense - is one of its main roles). Unless you're among those - with a diluted Ego, it's your Ego that has to let go...

"Forgiving doesn't make them right it just makes you free."

"Forgiveness is a byproduct of healing. Not the cause of it."

These two quotes. I've wrestled with at times. Most of my life, I take and take and take. And at a certain point, the relationship goes to crap and I refuse to forgive.

I am a person that loves and hates with equal passion. I can revel in, and enjoy either. Hating someone drives the unforgiveness. Does the offender know? No. Do they care? Probably not. Does it make me weak? No. It means I'm still feeling what they've done. I'm still hurt. And, you can't really blame a person for being wounded, or put an expiration date on a persons pain.

Unforgiveness and grudges go hand and hand. I want the offender to hurt, and be miserable. Because they were assholes who had no regard for my feelings. This is how I feel now. In the future, I will forgive them. But the relationship is dead. I will not wish for the world/God/karma to make them pay. But I've no desire to have them in my life ever again. That doesn't make me bitter or spiteful. It makes me smart about my self preservation.

In closing, neither one nor the other defines your strength or weakness.

But it doesn't take me any strength or struggle to forgive someone. If anything, the opposite would require some efforts from my side.So I dunno how would it still be considered a strong act.. or even weak..coz I don't feel like I did someone a favor nor am I particularly suffering in this scenario. I mean, I don't even think about it twice.

Posted by tiziani
It's your choice.

It doesn't reflect upon your character in any great way, unless you do a lot of forgiving (which begs a lot of other questions).

Lol ! Exactly! Doesn't reflect one's character in any great way. But what are the other questions like?

I guess most dxpers are of the same mond on this one. I agree. To forgive shows strength, it is only a weakness when you allow a person to wrong you over and over and over again. When your forgiveness degrades your self respect, that is a weakness. To forgive sometimes means also being strong enough to cut ties.

I don't think this can determine if one is weak or not. I don't think this applies to forgiveness.

Posted by Mike79

Posted by OrGasMe
Strong. You can forgive people without allowing them back in.

True. You can also forgive people who actually never asked for forgiveness.

click to expand

That's a sign of maturity

I think people confuse being weak for forgiving with being naive.

Posted by tiziani
It's your choice.

It doesn't reflect upon your character in any great way, unless you do a lot of forgiving (which begs a lot of other questions).

Tell me more... I forgive "alot."

Posted by neves

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by starwars
forgiving is genuine act. it shouldn't be linked to either trait as that indicate ego issues.

*nods* This.

Actually... the people for whom forgiveness comes naturally - are highly altruistic. Their Ego is pretty transparent/diluted. They don't have a strong sense of self... they're supposedly spiritual - or they adopt the identity of a martyr. Thus, they don't take their sufferance personally (on a Ego level) - like most people. They see it more as a spiritual test - as a lesson. Sufferance is mainly linked to the Ego (our Ego is the one who acknowledges any form sufferance - since our defense - is one of its main roles). Unless you're among those - with a diluted Ego, it's your Ego that has to let go...

click to expand

Absolutely... and I have expressed this many times on thd same or similar topics... the spritual part.

Posted by eighty_8

Posted by neves

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by starwars
forgiving is genuine act. it shouldn't be linked to either trait as that indicate ego issues.

*nods* This.

Actually... the people for whom forgiveness comes naturally - are highly altruistic. Their Ego is pretty transparent/diluted. They don't have a strong sense of self... they're supposedly spiritual - or they adopt the identity of a martyr.

I've found out over time that I identify myself as altruistic in that I do get a sense of gratification from helping others selflessly be it at work or spontaneous situations. There's a balance between keeping within your boundaries and being overly selfless to the point of detriment/martyrdom.

In particular, about being diluted/transparent due to being altruistic is your bias and its far from the truth,

I wouldn't necessarily say that there's a plus/minus with regards to being altruistic and not having a strong sense of self.

You can be altruistic while simultaneously having a healthy sense of self/ego/spirit.

Being able to forgive, I'd say is a strong character trait for sure, regardless of gender. Makes a person that much more respectable as well imo.

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Also agree.

The sense of self can still be strong. Sometimes people mix/blend the laymen's definition of "ego" with the psychology definition.