Follow up: Is this man really this upset?!

In regard to my last post.

Okay, so I get it, i'm a Libra/Gemini I'm not nearly as emotional as my Cancer but GODDAMN! So, I decided to check if i was still blocked on Imessage. I wasn't. I sent a text about my crazy neighbors and he responded. We talked very briefly. I apologized PROFUSELY. He said he needed to be alone for while. that he was working on himself.

He seemed like he was poking his head out. So, I asked him what he was specifically so upset about to act how he has. He said it was for me "Comparing me to your ex, saying this was a high school relationship and stating you felt you were concerned you were wasting your time."...... WOAH! He took tidbits of things I said and made them sound so much worse. I had been apologizing for like 4 days and was over his behavior so I said " John, I never compared you to my ex. Although you did that to me for the first 3 months we were together. I never cut you off or stopped talking to you. You can be really consumed with your own emotions. You should work on that."...... He said "Cool, ill work on that" Blocked me again.

People argue. People say stuff when mad. To me this seems incredibly extreme. You'd think we had some awful relationship or something. We didn't. I feel like I coddled the shit out of him. I'm just so annoyed about how this is entirely about HIS feelings. I told him I was wrong for my approach, took accountability, told him I loved him, etc. He never even once said sorry for a thing. That is so selfish and stubborn to me. Woe is me.

Posted by heliumfiasco
In regard to my last post.

Okay, so I get it, i'm a Libra/Gemini I'm not nearly as emotional as my Cancer but GODDAMN! So, I decided to check if i was still blocked on Imessage. I wasn't. I sent a text about my crazy neighbors and he responded. We talked very briefly. I apologized PROFUSELY. He said he needed to be alone for while. that he was working on himself.

He seemed like he was poking his head out. So, I asked him what he was specifically so upset about to act how he has. He said it was for me "Comparing me to your ex, saying this was a high school relationship and stating you felt you were concerned you were wasting your time."...... WOAH! He took tidbits of things I said and made them sound so much worse. I had been apologizing for like 4 days and was over his behavior so I said " John, I never compared you to my ex. Although you did that to me for the first 3 months we were together. I never cut you off or stopped talking to you. You can be really consumed with your own emotions. You should work on that."...... He said "Cool, ill work on that" Blocked me again.

People argue. People say stuff when mad. To me this seems incredibly extreme. You'd think we had some awful relationship or something. We didn't. I feel like I coddled the shit out of him. I'm just so annoyed about how this is entirely about HIS feelings. I told him I was wrong for my approach, took accountability, told him I loved him, etc. He never even once said sorry for a thing. That is so selfish and stubborn to me. Woe is me.

Yes, he is. I've had my share of four years with a Cancer guy and he taught me patience and everything about his egocentric world view even if I didn't wanna know in the first place.. They tend to come to their own conclusions when they are insecure and moody. It's almost impossible to set things straight bc there is only one truth and it's theirs. They won't apologize or admit a mistake until it's almost too late to compromise and they take their time. Don't get me wrong, I loved him dearly, but it was impossible for me to make this work out on the long run. Stubbornness won't help with a Crab.

Posted by Koniuchaa
Just because you are a Libra, does not mean you are less emotional. You have sun in the 12th and moon in the 8th.

He sounds like a baby and like he does not know how to deal with anything. Forget about him.

I totally agree. There is this side of me where I must make everything logical to process it, and I just cant make sense of this, so its driving me mad! haha

I'm totally done. This validated my original concerns of him not being mature. He was sweet though! I hoped we could at least be friends! I dont have any animosity towards him. He apparently hates me!

Posted by heliumfiasco
I'm totally done. This validated my original concerns of him not being mature. He was sweet though! I hoped we could at least be friends! I dont have any animosity towards him. He apparently hates me!

No, he doesn't. But he would cut his right hand off with a knife before admitting it. Are all Cancer men in their 30's that immature when it comes to feelings? I've never found an answer to that question..

Is this normal for Cancer men? All my favorite women in my life are Cancers. My best friend who is also a Cancer said she would not mess with the men of this sign. I really enjoyed his nurturing, sweet ways etc..... But now im wondering if I should avoid these dudes! haha Maybe its something else in his chart— Scorp AS, Cap Moon?

Posted by Ellygant
I think this is where air and water have a hard time getting to a middle ground.

I can totally understand where you're coming from. Things you meant in passing he took straight to heart and that's confusing and is a mountain-molehill scenario. When someone latches into words you barely remember saying it can feel exhausting trying to sort through what the hell is going on.

But I also get his perspective. You asked him what upset him. He told you. Then you basically told him to shove off and change. Or that's how my cancer Moon would have read it. I literally cringed when I read 'you can really be consumed with your own emotions. You should work on that.' He was in a vulnerable state when you said that and then immediately put the failings y'all have on that aspect of his personality.

You most likely thought you were being helpful too I don't doubt that. I have a libra mother, used to have a libra best friend and currently have a Gemini moon best friend. I notice when I feel they're harsh, cruel and feel I have to suppress myself, they genuinely believe they are telling me things that will help me be better. They love me and think they're doing what's best. But even with my watery bits being in air houses, I still don't process and communicate and act in the same ways as air. The things that motivate and inspire water aren't the same as air. It's neither good nor bad, just different.

With my mother and my Gemini moon friend we find common ground by taking space occasionally and talking things out once I'm calm and have fully processed my feelings. My former libra best friend and I parted ways though, because we just couldn't ever find a way to get on the same page of how to support each other. I think it was for the best too, as she seems to be happy from an observable distance and I found there were a lot of improvements in my life when she was no longer a close influence. It sucks but sometimes certain bonds aren't forever and everyone can be happier if you can admit it's run its course.

That is good insight. I can totally see that. I knew as soon as I sent that he'd be upset. But I had been kissing his ass. Taking all of the blame on myself (which i regret) and he still could only talk about himself. I meant what i said. He has not addressed one emotions ive felt.

He is absolutely intimidated by me. I don't say that in a conceited "i'm so great" way. But I could tell from the beginning. He would even say strange things like "I don't even know why you're dating me", "I know youre way smarter than me", "You're going to leave me" However, it was in passing and I thought it might just be his playful way to get reassurance. Perhaps it wasn't playful.

You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells. How are you guys gonna solve disagreements in the future if his reaction is to get butt hurt and ghost? Smh.

Next time though have this conversation in person so that he has to physically leave instead of just hang up. If he's gonna bitch out make it a little harder for him.

In any situation two people have most likely lead to the outcome. Not understanding why he cant take his accountability and keep it moving. It never even needed to get to this level. Stuff happens.

Ive had 16 years of "what have I done now"— It just goes round and round, you have to be patient, don't fuss, just leave him be for a while he will be his sweet cuddly self again soon and ready to discuss his side, which is always the most important btw.

He doesn't hate you or he wouldn't care what you said,try to leave past relationships totally out of any conversation's, please don't apologise any more, be strong, they like strong women, just go about your business as usual, text him 'hi, how are you' in a couple of days hun xx

Being with a Gem sun, Leeb moon has taught me to be less sensitive and develop a sense of humor when it comes to these things. Our greatest misunderstandings have come from our communication style s. But I also don't internalize stuff like a typical water sign. My Aries moon can't rest until there's resolution. So misunderstandings don't drag out.

This board always has the best insight and advice. I appreciate everyone's responses.

To me right now im just like "How damn selfish of him. How can he just cut me off, be so cold? Not want to immediately squash this. He is being insanely unreasonable" But my logical side knows there has to be reasoning behind this behavior...I just cant sort it out. It is NOT how I operate.

My friend that has a 4th house stellium in his chart was recently butt hurt & ghosted.. I'm flabbergasted LOL sorry u had a miscommunication with this cancer guy cuz that's what it sounds like-miscommunication

You folks talk about Libra and Cancer being so incompatible - try being both at the same time (Libra sun + Cancer asc).

If he says things like "You're smarter than me. You're going to leave me." you need to make it clear that if you didn't think he was at your level you wouldn't be interested.

I guess it's hard to explain a situation entirely in just a few paragraphs. The context of the text about his ex, was about him being afraid in the beginning of our relationship that I'd end up being like her. I felt like I was constantly trying to prove I wasn't. He was pretty upfront that it was an awful relationship. I think he's still pretty scarred. We kind of bonded over our pasts. Once he was comfortable this stopped completely. Me comparing him to my ex was a ONE time comment "not even my jerk ex would act like this"... pertaining to the argument. In bad taste, I know. He took that very personally. In general we did not argue at all. Except the last month, and even then only one big argument. He was actually a very sweet person to date. My issue was never about my treatment just his maturity.

Thank you. I've been taking this pretty hard. I so badly wanted this all to work. I guess it just hurts to be ignored and seemingly walked away from so easily. I thought he'd fight. Regardless if it's best or not. I just feel a great coldness.

Posted by notsosure

Posted by SofiaV87
My friend that has a 4th house stellium in his chart was recently butt hurt & ghosted.. I'm flabbergasted LOL sorry u had a miscommunication with this cancer guy cuz that's what it sounds like-miscommunication

It's more than that, it's the whole dynamik of the relationship.

click to expand

Oh well that doesn't sound good at all then ?

this the thread you mentioned in the other one?

One thing i have learned from dating cancer men, the more you try to fight to keep them the more they scuttle in the opposite direction. They do not take well to being told about themselves or even being told they are wrong in most cases lol. Even in the most kindest way you can do it, they can still lash out. At least the ones i have been involved with.

I'm similair in the silent treatment drives me batshit crazy, it's a game from my point of view, but they don't see it that way. For them it's a self protective thing. So when that happens, i just do stuff that keeps me busy.

Only real advise i can give, keep on keeping on with life and hope that by the time he's ready to talk, you haven't moved on. For so many air placments you come across very firey in your posts..is fire heavy in your chart?

I have a very firey, sometimes described "feisty and aggressive" personality! Funny thing though, I have almost zero fire in my chart. Mostly air placements, in water houses.

I have Pluto in Scorpio in the 1st. Maybe that makes me appear kind of aggressive? No clue.

Posted by waterbearer_fem

Posted by heliumfiasco
I'm totally done. This validated my original concerns of him not being mature. He was sweet though! I hoped we could at least be friends! I dont have any animosity towards him. He apparently hates me!

No, he doesn't. But he would cut his right hand off with a knife before admitting it. Are all Cancer men in their 30's that immature when it comes to feelings? I've never found an answer to that question..

click to expand

Yes!! Dealing with one right now. Tried to actually talk to him face to face and he refused. I told him I don't feel we make each other happy and he said he couldn't understand why I felt that way. Obviously I do, that's all that should matter. Then I told him he was unhappy and I needed to feel secure and cared for in a relationship and I'm not getting that. Radio silence. Sigh

Posted by confusedlibra78

Posted by waterbearer_fem

Posted by heliumfiasco
I'm totally done. This validated my original concerns of him not being mature. He was sweet though! I hoped we could at least be friends! I dont have any animosity towards him. He apparently hates me!

No, he doesn't. But he would cut his right hand off with a knife before admitting it. Are all Cancer men in their 30's that immature when it comes to feelings? I've never found an answer to that question..

Yes!! Dealing with one right now. Tried to actually talk to him face to face and he refused. I told him I don't feel we make each other happy and he said he couldn't understand why I felt that way. Obviously I do, that's all that should matter. Then I told him he was unhappy and I needed to feel secure and cared for in a relationship and I'm not getting that. Radio silence. Sigh

click to expand

Very similar situation. I was expecting resolutions. Not silence. We are on almost two weeks, he only spoke to me one of those days. At this point, he might actually be doing me a favor. Every day that goes by I'm healing from the hurt, and realizing that I don't feel like someone who loves you deeply would cast you out so easily. He went nuts!

Posted by heliumfiasco

Posted by confusedlibra78

Posted by waterbearer_fem

Posted by heliumfiasco
I'm totally done. This validated my original concerns of him not being mature. He was sweet though! I hoped we could at least be friends! I dont have any animosity towards him. He apparently hates me!

No, he doesn't. But he would cut his right hand off with a knife before admitting it. Are all Cancer men in their 30's that immature when it comes to feelings? I've never found an answer to that question..

Yes!! Dealing with one right now. Tried to actually talk to him face to face and he refused. I told him I don't feel we make each other happy and he said he couldn't understand why I felt that way. Obviously I do, that's all that should matter. Then I told him he was unhappy and I needed to feel secure and cared for in a relationship and I'm not getting that. Radio silence. Sigh

Very similar situation. I was expecting resolutions. Not silence. We are on almost two weeks, he only spoke to me one of those days. At this point, he might actually be doing me a favor. Every day that goes by I'm healing from the hurt, and realizing that I don't feel like someone who loves you deeply would cast you out so easily. He went nuts!

click to expand

He responded that it's not me it's work that has him stressed. Totally disregarded that I said I didn't feel cared about or secure. All about him.

Posted by confusedlibra78

Posted by heliumfiasco

Posted by confusedlibra78

Posted by waterbearer_fem

Posted by heliumfiasco
I'm totally done. This validated my original concerns of him not being mature. He was sweet though! I hoped we could at least be friends! I dont have any animosity towards him. He apparently hates me!

No, he doesn't. But he would cut his right hand off with a knife before admitting it. Are all Cancer men in their 30's that immature when it comes to feelings? I've never found an answer to that question..

Yes!! Dealing with one right now. Tried to actually talk to him face to face and he refused. I told him I don't feel we make each other happy and he said he couldn't understand why I felt that way. Obviously I do, that's all that should matter. Then I told him he was unhappy and I needed to feel secure and cared for in a relationship and I'm not getting that. Radio silence. Sigh

Very similar situation. I was expecting resolutions. Not silence. We are on almost two weeks, he only spoke to me one of those days. At this point, he might actually be doing me a favor. Every day that goes by I'm healing from the hurt, and realizing that I don't feel like someone who loves you deeply would cast you out so easily. He went nuts!

He responded that it's not me it's work that has him stressed. Totally disregarded that I said I didn't feel cared about or secure. All about him.

click to expand

Haha! It only is about them. I'm starting to think his sweet and attentive behavior was actually all about him, too. I just didn't see it. Well, who am I lying to? ... I did.

Posted by heliumfiasco

Posted by confusedlibra78

Posted by heliumfiasco

Posted by confusedlibra78

Posted by waterbearer_fem

Posted by heliumfiasco
I'm totally done. This validated my original concerns of him not being mature. He was sweet though! I hoped we could at least be friends! I dont have any animosity towards him. He apparently hates me!

No, he doesn't. But he would cut his right hand off with a knife before admitting it. Are all Cancer men in their 30's that immature when it comes to feelings? I've never found an answer to that question..

Yes!! Dealing with one right now. Tried to actually talk to him face to face and he refused. I told him I don't feel we make each other happy and he said he couldn't understand why I felt that way. Obviously I do, that's all that should matter. Then I told him he was unhappy and I needed to feel secure and cared for in a relationship and I'm not getting that. Radio silence. Sigh

Very similar situation. I was expecting resolutions. Not silence. We are on almost two weeks, he only spoke to me one of those days. At this point, he might actually be doing me a favor. Every day that goes by I'm healing from the hurt, and realizing that I don't feel like someone who loves you deeply would cast you out so easily. He went nuts!

He responded that it's not me it's work that has him stressed. Totally disregarded that I said I didn't feel cared about or secure. All about him.

Haha! It only is about them. I'm starting to think his sweet and attentive behavior was actually all about him, too. I just didn't see it. Well, who am I lying too? ... I did.

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Yep, all about them. They put on a good show that they care about other's feelings but it's all bs. Sigh

The craziest part of this whole mess is I KNOW he actually really, really is into me. This is some weird ass self sabotage scene, and it's like totally unnecessary. It's like a big production. And for what?! I know he feels dumb about acting a fool on social media and blocking our mutual friends. It's like he boarded the crazy train and said "well I'm already on, so let's ride this bitch until the wheels fall off"?

Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
Well I guess if people aren't willing to stick around during our ugly moments than they're not for us



He probably knows he over dramatized things and feels embarrassed

Sometimes y'all can push others so far away and don't consider how much that can hurt, especially if invested. I personally think it takes someone with a solid self to withstand that and be willing to still be around. Agree?

Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
Well I guess if people aren't willing to stick around during our ugly moments than they're not for us



He probably knows he over dramatized things and feels embarrassed

Oh he does. Our mutual friend who is a Cancer woman casually messaged him and told him he was acting immature and if he was alright. They've been friends for 15 years!!!! He lost it on her, blocked her! Then blocked 10 of our mutual friends!!! He did all this the day after the argument. When we spoke next he said "I admit I got a little ridiculous"...... "oh. No way? You seemed good to go, my dude".

I can only laugh now. It's crazy! Haha

Posted by CaramelizedCoffee

Posted by justagirl

Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
Well I guess if people aren't willing to stick around during our ugly moments than they're not for us



He probably knows he over dramatized things and feels embarrassed

Sometimes y'all can push others so far away and don't consider how much that can hurt, especially if invested. I personally think it takes someone with a solid self to withstand that and be willing to still be around. Agree?

I think crabs assume because you're not showing out your emotional angst that you have none.

i can personally say i feel like this sometimes, like nothing will get through this person, that they're not as emotionally hurt or don't care as much as i do

i really believe this

this creates me to do some extreme things to self protect

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Hmm never really thought about that. Thanks for that. Definitely food for thought. I guard my emotions or I try too.

Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
Lol we can be emotionally selfish yes

So how does one deal with that? Pointing it out doesn't work...not saying anything just makes the non-Cancer miserable.

I sent him about 15 text message paragraphs like some sort of crazy person, explaining my feelings, validating his... nothing. That was humbling and I regret it.

I'm not even mad at him. At all. I'm just standing by curious as a cat about his next move, or if he'll even have one.

He said he needed to be alone for awhile. I don't know if that meant like I'm done forever I need to be alone, or if it meant I need a few days.

Posted by CaramelizedCoffee

Posted by justagirl

Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
Well I guess if people aren't willing to stick around during our ugly moments than they're not for us



He probably knows he over dramatized things and feels embarrassed

Sometimes y'all can push others so far away and don't consider how much that can hurt, especially if invested. I personally think it takes someone with a solid self to withstand that and be willing to still be around. Agree?

I think crabs assume because you're not showing out your emotional angst that you have none.

i can personally say i feel like this sometimes, like nothing will get through this person, that they're not as emotionally hurt or don't care as much as i do

i really believe this

this creates me to do some extreme things to self protect

click to expand

I can understand that!

Posted by CaramelizedCoffee

Posted by justagirl

Posted by CaramelizedCoffee

Posted by justagirl

Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
Well I guess if people aren't willing to stick around during our ugly moments than they're not for us



He probably knows he over dramatized things and feels embarrassed

Sometimes y'all can push others so far away and don't consider how much that can hurt, especially if invested. I personally think it takes someone with a solid self to withstand that and be willing to still be around. Agree?

I think crabs assume because you're not showing out your emotional angst that you have none.

i can personally say i feel like this sometimes, like nothing will get through this person, that they're not as emotionally hurt or don't care as much as i do

i really believe this

this creates me to do some extreme things to self protect

Hmm never really thought about that. Thanks for that. Definitely food for thought. I guard my emotions or I try too.

ya well crabs or this crab can't speak for everyone is continuously beating ourselves up for feeling too much and wondering why we couldn't be as cool or as non caring as our partners

we always feel like we' love more than the other

atleast i do

so this is where the self sabotage comes.

click to expand

Knowing how I can come off unknowingly... I'd bet he probably does feel that way. But damn, just say it.

Posted by CaramelizedCoffee

Posted by justagirl

Posted by CaramelizedCoffee

Posted by justagirl

Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
Well I guess if people aren't willing to stick around during our ugly moments than they're not for us



He probably knows he over dramatized things and feels embarrassed

Sometimes y'all can push others so far away and don't consider how much that can hurt, especially if invested. I personally think it takes someone with a solid self to withstand that and be willing to still be around. Agree?

I think crabs assume because you're not showing out your emotional angst that you have none.

i can personally say i feel like this sometimes, like nothing will get through this person, that they're not as emotionally hurt or don't care as much as i do

i really believe this

this creates me to do some extreme things to self protect

Hmm never really thought about that. Thanks for that. Definitely food for thought. I guard my emotions or I try too.

ya well crabs or this crab can't speak for everyone is continuously beating ourselves up for feeling too much and wondering why we couldn't be as cool or as non caring as our partners

we always feel like we' love more than the other

atleast i do

so this is where the self sabotage comes.

click to expand

🤗 and this icy cold Aqua craves that emotion and wants to experience it and have it shared lol as well as I want to help so Crabbies stop beating themselves up. You've always wondered what the draw is for Aquas- it's this. At least this Aqua as I can't speak for the others lol

Posted by Noni05
Relationships don't last with immature men

It gets old ..

Amen.

Posted by CaramelizedCoffee

Posted by confusedlibra78

Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
Lol we can be emotionally selfish yes

So how does one deal with that? Pointing it out doesn't work...not saying anything just makes the non-Cancer miserable.

You shouldn't be miserable. I already told you leave this guy, he's too selfish.

if you want too ask him for a moment of his time and tell him you feel he's ignoring your emotional needs and that you want to grow this relationship, but not sure he is willing to put in the effort.

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I did and he begged me to text him what was going on vs talking in person, which is what I wanted. He ignored all of what I said about not getting what I need and focused on him. Sigh.

The friend shouldn't have gotten involved. She came over and I tried to get some info about his past living situations since she's known him so long. (She introduced us). She didnt realize what was actually up. Once things popped off she told him during a text conversation she thought he was being immature. It was literally one comment and he was not happy. And ya know, he had every right to be mad.

Ellygant.... you really kill it with the replies. I always feel more clear minded after reading your responses. I appreciate that.

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by heliumfiasco

Posted by Ellygant
I think this is where air and water have a hard time getting to a middle ground.

I can totally understand where you're coming from. Things you meant in passing he took straight to heart and that's confusing and is a mountain-molehill scenario. When someone latches into words you barely remember saying it can feel exhausting trying to sort through what the hell is going on.

But I also get his perspective. You asked him what upset him. He told you. Then you basically told him to shove off and change. Or that's how my cancer Moon would have read it. I literally cringed when I read 'you can really be consumed with your own emotions. You should work on that.' He was in a vulnerable state when you said that and then immediately put the failings y'all have on that aspect of his personality.

You most likely thought you were being helpful too I don't doubt that. I have a libra mother, used to have a libra best friend and currently have a Gemini moon best friend. I notice when I feel they're harsh, cruel and feel I have to suppress myself, they genuinely believe they are telling me things that will help me be better. They love me and think they're doing what's best. But even with my watery bits being in air houses, I still don't process and communicate and act in the same ways as air. The things that motivate and inspire water aren't the same as air. It's neither good nor bad, just different.

With my mother and my Gemini moon friend we find common ground by taking space occasionally and talking things out once I'm calm and have fully processed my feelings. My former libra best friend and I parted ways though, because we just couldn't ever find a way to get on the same page of how to support each other. I think it was for the best too, as she seems to be happy from an observable distance and I found there were a lot of improvements in my life when she was no longer a close influence. It sucks but sometimes certain bonds aren't forever and everyone can be happier if you can admit it's run its course.

That is good insight. I can totally see that. I knew as soon as I sent that he'd be upset. But I had been kissing his ass. Taking all of the blame on myself (which i regret) and he still could only talk about himself. I meant what i said. He has not addressed one emotions ive felt.

He knows though. He knows what he did wrong. He knows how he hurt you. Men aren't that stupid. Especially water sign men. They're highly intuitive, much moreso than what they let on. I'd bet money he wanted to apologize but hadn't figured out how yet, your original post sounds like he still hadn't quite finished processing his feelings. Keep in mind air energy can arrive to a conclusion much faster than water typically. That's why he was still talking about himself. He doesn't fully understand yet and he was trying to figure it out.

Unfortunately the square between libra and cancer is real in instances like this. Libra believes they are helping by absorbing the blame. This tends to feed cancerian self misery instead of absolving them like it typically does for other people when libra absorbs the blame. When that doesn't work libra tries to push buttons in an attempt to motivate. Cancer responds by personalizing it even more, thinking that the person truly must be rejecting them at their most vulnerable.

Square energy often wants the same things, but have to take different paths to get there. That's why they're so hard to work out. It takes a certain level of independence and unconditional acceptance between two people to trust they can walk their own path and still end up at the same destination as you and reunite. It's hard.

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@Ellygant knows what's going on with the Cancer men.

@heliumfiasco

Your Cancer is being a big baby right now. This is plain and clear. It also appears that your Cancer has had low self esteem since the start of the relationship. He had you on a pedestal from the start, which can be endearing, but can create issues with self confidence (which you're now encountering).

Basically you had him opening up, but the, "You can be really consumed with your own emotions. You should work on that," comment was an emotional slap to his face. He clammed up again. I also cringed when I read that because I understood where both of you were coming from in your own minds. Now you see what I meant by being gentle too. From your point of view, it will very akin to coddling.

It's like I said before, you have to be gentle because Cancers internalize EVERYTHING, especially the men. The men put a lot of burden on themselves (because they're men). While Cancer women may work through their emotional issues, Cancer men tend to repress them and process them in their own way (because they're men).



Again, I'm always the first to say go for the man with his life in order. Go for the man who is the most emotionally stable and secure. THAT being said, (and this is advice I'd give to all women), never EVER bring up another man/ex in an argument with a guy. For any male of any sign, that's a quick route to an argument.

You must remember that from a guy's perspective, we know there are other guys waiting in the background readying themselves for a chance to pounce. We KNOW it's not hard for you to get another guy's attention. So comparing a guy to an ex is emasculating for him.

Granted in your mind you were merely drawing a comparison by stating "Even that moron treated me better than how you're making me feel presently, which is hurtful to me." However (in context to the conversation) in HIS mind he heard, "You're no better than my ex, I might as well get back with him because at least he's a REAL man." You must remember that men pride themselves on how our women feel. If you feel bad, we immediately take responsibility (the ones who care this) for that. So when you compare us to an ex, it's basically a shot below the belt.

To you, there was no comparison between your Cancer and your ex. In his mind though there was. Men don't always understand what women mean when you make those types of comments. This, combined with his already low self confidence, made it worse. Really the low self confidence is the real issue. He's wallowing in self pity right now. So you'll have to be delicate with this emotions. He basically sees himself as a loser right now.

So again the question is, what do you want now with him? Are you done at this point? Are you still open to him?

I guess I'll wait it out, after all your great advice! Ill wait to see what he says if he eventually does come around. I feel like the longer this goes on, he's just gonna eventually get over me, make us grow apart, etc. That's concerning me. I guess it isn't concerning him though. How long can this go on for, if he isn't in fact done? Maybe he'll come pulling up to my door in a car that belongs to him!!! haha 🙂

Posted by confusedlibra78

Posted by CaramelizedCoffee

Posted by confusedlibra78

Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
Lol we can be emotionally selfish yes

So how does one deal with that? Pointing it out doesn't work...not saying anything just makes the non-Cancer miserable.

You shouldn't be miserable. I already told you leave this guy, he's too selfish.

if you want too ask him for a moment of his time and tell him you feel he's ignoring your emotional needs and that you want to grow this relationship, but not sure he is willing to put in the effort.

I did and he begged me to text him what was going on vs talking in person, which is what I wanted. He ignored all of what I said about not getting what I need and focused on him. Sigh.

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Sorry, not trying to hijack this post but me and OP are dating the same guy apparently. Here's what he said after I put it back on him. Is this just manipulation? Is he going to make me pay later by cheating on me or being a jerk? Do I tell him if things go back to shit, I'm out?

I said...you're not hearing me. There are two of us in this relationship and I'm not getting what I need out of it.

He said...what do you need from me? I'm sorry if I seem distant. I can fix this. I really wish you had told me sooner. And I hope you'll let me make it right.

Posted by heliumfiasco
In regard to my last post.

Okay, so I get it, i'm a Libra/Gemini I'm not nearly as emotional as my Cancer but GODDAMN! So, I decided to check if i was still blocked on Imessage. I wasn't. I sent a text about my crazy neighbors and he responded. We talked very briefly. I apologized PROFUSELY. He said he needed to be alone for while. that he was working on himself.

He seemed like he was poking his head out. So, I asked him what he was specifically so upset about to act how he has. He said it was for me "Comparing me to your ex, saying this was a high school relationship and stating you felt you were concerned you were wasting your time."...... WOAH! He took tidbits of things I said and made them sound so much worse. I had been apologizing for like 4 days and was over his behavior so I said " John, I never compared you to my ex. Although you did that to me for the first 3 months we were together. I never cut you off or stopped talking to you. You can be really consumed with your own emotions. You should work on that."...... He said "Cool, ill work on that" Blocked me again.

People argue. People say stuff when mad. To me this seems incredibly extreme. You'd think we had some awful relationship or something. We didn't. I feel like I coddled the shit out of him. I'm just so annoyed about how this is entirely about HIS feelings. I told him I was wrong for my approach, took accountability, told him I loved him, etc. He never even once said sorry for a thing. That is so selfish and stubborn to me. Woe is me.

It sounds like he finally opened up to you, making himself and his feelings vulnerable saying exactly what was bothering him (tidbits or not) and instead of actually acknowledging it you sounded like you were dismissive of his emotions and talking down to him, bringing up something from the first 3 months of your relationship (i'm assuming this was long past, dont know how long you've been together) and telling him to "work on it."

From reading the way you phrase things, you dont sound genuine, like you are really inconvenienced by him feeling anything at all. Like you are saying you apologized and took accountability but I dont get the impression that you actually feel that way, like it's more of an angle to win an argument with him. Sort of like saying "yes, yes i'm sorry, whatever, now let me tell you all the ways you're wrong and how i'm right" --that is why you're getting this reaction from him.

Posted by rabidtalker

Posted by heliumfiasco
In regard to my last post.

Okay, so I get it, i'm a Libra/Gemini I'm not nearly as emotional as my Cancer but GODDAMN! So, I decided to check if i was still blocked on Imessage. I wasn't. I sent a text about my crazy neighbors and he responded. We talked very briefly. I apologized PROFUSELY. He said he needed to be alone for while. that he was working on himself.

He seemed like he was poking his head out. So, I asked him what he was specifically so upset about to act how he has. He said it was for me "Comparing me to your ex, saying this was a high school relationship and stating you felt you were concerned you were wasting your time."...... WOAH! He took tidbits of things I said and made them sound so much worse. I had been apologizing for like 4 days and was over his behavior so I said " John, I never compared you to my ex. Although you did that to me for the first 3 months we were together. I never cut you off or stopped talking to you. You can be really consumed with your own emotions. You should work on that."...... He said "Cool, ill work on that" Blocked me again.

People argue. People say stuff when mad. To me this seems incredibly extreme. You'd think we had some awful relationship or something. We didn't. I feel like I coddled the shit out of him. I'm just so annoyed about how this is entirely about HIS feelings. I told him I was wrong for my approach, took accountability, told him I loved him, etc. He never even once said sorry for a thing. That is so selfish and stubborn to me. Woe is me.

It sounds like he finally opened up to you, making himself and his feelings vulnerable saying exactly what was bothering him (tidbits or not) and instead of actually acknowledging it you sounded like you were dismissive of his emotions and talking down to him, bringing up something from the first 3 months of your relationship (i'm assuming this was long past, dont know how long you've been together) and telling him to "work on it."

From reading the way you phrase things, you dont sound genuine, like you are really inconvenienced by him feeling anything at all. Like you are saying you apologized and took accountability but I dont get the impression that you actually feel that way, like it's more of an angle to win an argument with him. Sort of like saying "yes, yes i'm sorry, whatever, now let me tell you all the ways you're wrong and how i'm right" --that is why you're getting this reaction from him.

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I just saw this response. I think you might be right. Sometimes its hard to see how youre coming across, because youre in your own head, with only your perspective. I guess I felt the antics were childish so in turn I may not have been validating the emotions at all.

I might have some issues with being able to accurately interpret mine and others emotions. Through this experience im realizing that. Although I dont feel im completely wrong in feeling the way I do. I could possibly be frustrated with his emotions unfairly. I dont believe in blocking people and such, but I also wasn't being incredibly sensitive to the hurt I caused either. I think I did feel very much think "Okay, get over it. This is dumb" Maybe my insensitivity was just turning the knife even more and causing an even larger gap that he just couldn't deal with.

Posted by Ellygant
I think this is where air and water have a hard time getting to a middle ground.

I can totally understand where you're coming from. Things you meant in passing he took straight to heart and that's confusing and is a mountain-molehill scenario. When someone latches into words you barely remember saying it can feel exhausting trying to sort through what the hell is going on.

But I also get his perspective. You asked him what upset him. He told you. Then you basically told him to shove off and change. Or that's how my cancer Moon would have read it. I literally cringed when I read 'you can really be consumed with your own emotions. You should work on that.' He was in a vulnerable state when you said that and then immediately put the failings y'all have on that aspect of his personality.

You most likely thought you were being helpful too I don't doubt that. I have a libra mother, used to have a libra best friend and currently have a Gemini moon best friend. I notice when I feel they're harsh, cruel and feel I have to suppress myself, they genuinely believe they are telling me things that will help me be better. They love me and think they're doing what's best. But even with my watery bits being in air houses, I still don't process and communicate and act in the same ways as air. The things that motivate and inspire water aren't the same as air. It's neither good nor bad, just different.

With my mother and my Gemini moon friend we find common ground by taking space occasionally and talking things out once I'm calm and have fully processed my feelings. My former libra best friend and I parted ways though, because we just couldn't ever find a way to get on the same page of how to support each other. I think it was for the best too, as she seems to be happy from an observable distance and I found there were a lot of improvements in my life when she was no longer a close influence. It sucks but sometimes certain bonds aren't forever and everyone can be happier if you can admit it's run its course.

I was cringing when I read this too. Not only that but whenever anyone uses "YOU" in a conversation/confrontation/discussion, my hackles go up. That's an aggressive tone. I statements are more about yourself and how you feel. js

In the words of Larry David I may have "fahhhhkkeddd up".

I do love him. I do feel bad. Not to make light of it, with jokes. Just not sure how to correct it at this point. I had genuine concerns but my delivery may have made them come across as invalid. I can see that.

Posted by Koniuchaa

Posted by heliumfiasco

Posted by Koniuchaa
Just because you are a Libra, does not mean you are less emotional. You have sun in the 12th and moon in the 8th.

He sounds like a baby and like he does not know how to deal with anything. Forget about him.

I totally agree. There is this side of me where I must make everything logical to process it, and I just cant make sense of this, so its driving me mad! haha

That's fine, I am that way too, but some things you won't ever make sense of. I wouldn't bother wasting another moment on this, but that's me.

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Forget about baby??!

Heartless witch you are! ?

Posted by heliumfiasco
I just saw this response. I think you might be right. Sometimes its hard to see how youre coming across, because youre in your own head, with only your perspective. I guess I felt the antics were childish so in turn I may not have been validating the emotions at all.

Posted by notsosure
I love how a few comment just make you jump right into it again and somehow makes all of this tolerable behaviour and even a guy to love. Seriously!

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@heliumfiasco yeah maybe this is just how you guys arent compatible. I was helping you make sense of it not to say who is right or wrong or what to do with your relationship, that is ultimately up to the two of you.