Cap pulling away - hardcore

So. A question.

The status is: my Cap is pulling away completely. His messages are usually one word or none. He says he needs space. When we are together he makes no effort to talk and spends most of the time on his phone and says our time together is boring. Of course, any talk of improving our relationship is met with scorn and irritation. Same as any talk of feelings.

The only time that he really enjoys spending with me is sex and hanging around watching films or videos. Thus he thought of an idea that we should break up but still hang out doing these things. He says that he feels confined in the relationship and doesn't want to think about feelings at all.

This is very painful for me but understandable since I am fully aware of making some terrible mistakes in the relationship but the issue is that I tried to do something about it, to improve myself and the relationship but all my efforts either failed or made things worse.. (Basically I am conflicted between feeling miserable for fucking up so much and angry because he never helped me understand what he needed from me)

The question is. For the love of God, is there a way to stop this? Stop him from pulling away? Prove myself somehow? So that he may give me a chance to try again and not fuck it up this time?

Or is the only option to just sit, wait and hope for the best?

PS: Please, if you chose to judge me, don't too harsh. I'm hating on myself enough as it is..

How long have you been bf/gf. We need background info.

Posted by LadyNeptune
How long have you been bf/gf. We need background info.

Background. We've been together for a year and .. 3 months. I'm Leo. Which means I was too dramatic and the more I felt that something was wrong the more I pushed and pushed. Which I know NOW..

And the relationship wasn't slow. On the contrary, we started to live together 3 months into the relationship. Also, something that might make a huge difference. He's 20, almost 4 years younger than me.

I know it might seem immature or something. That we are too young to take things seriously? At least that's what most older people say.. But you bet that it doesn't feel like that to me..

Also, we've been friends for 5 years before we started dating.

Posted by Claris

Posted by LadyNeptune
How long have you been bf/gf. We need background info.

Background. We've been together for a year and .. 3 months. I'm Leo. Which means I was too dramatic and the more I felt that something was wrong the more I pushed and pushed. Which I know NOW..

And the relationship wasn't slow. On the contrary, we started to live together 3 months into the relationship. Also, something that might make a huge difference. He's 20, almost 4 years younger than me.

I know it might seem immature or something. That we are too young to take things seriously? At least that's what most older people say.. But you bet that it doesn't feel like that to me..

Also, we've been friends for 5 years before we started dating.

click to expand

Who moved in with whom?

Are you supporting him financially.

Posted by -elle-
He has checked out.

The more you try to appease or accommodate him, the more he will resent you because he has already made up his mind.

The best thing for you to do is prepare for the inevitable....put the energy into your efforts to taking care of you and putting yourself and your needs to the forefront....not him.

Make decisions on what is best for you.

You think that I have no hope then?

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Claris

Posted by LadyNeptune
How long have you been bf/gf. We need background info.

Background. We've been together for a year and .. 3 months. I'm Leo. Which means I was too dramatic and the more I felt that something was wrong the more I pushed and pushed. Which I know NOW..

And the relationship wasn't slow. On the contrary, we started to live together 3 months into the relationship. Also, something that might make a huge difference. He's 20, almost 4 years younger than me.

I know it might seem immature or something. That we are too young to take things seriously? At least that's what most older people say.. But you bet that it doesn't feel like that to me..

Also, we've been friends for 5 years before we started dating.

Who moved in with whom?

Are you supporting him financially.

click to expand

We moved in together. As in a new flat for both of us. And we've moved out since then because our problems started. We stopped living together and things were fresh again. Until now.. Now it's worse than it was before when we decided to move out.

Posted by PootyButt
Is it possible he has met someone else?

No. But I think he's trying to replace me (in terms of spending time with) with his ex.

Posted by ParisianCappy
what are those terrible mistake ?

Basically, I pushed him. I complained too much. Did not think about my words and actions when they probably hurt him. I only knew that my needs were not met so I largely tried to make him fulfil them. I pushed him into telling me what he needs from me when he was closed off. I got a second chance in terms of somewhat fresh start and didn't use it to my advantage. Ergo, still made the same mistakes because I, in my dumbness, still didn't understand how to fulfil his needs. Didn't even know what they were.

I focused on myself and not on him.

Posted by PootyButt

Posted by Claris

Posted by PootyButt
Is it possible he has met someone else?

No. But I think he's trying to replace me (in terms of spending time with) with his ex.

Oh no. I'm so sorry.

I've never dated a Capricorn, but what I understand about them is that they detest weakness. Letting him walk on you is probably making him resent you more. 😢

Did anything happen before he changed?

click to expand

Well. His school got bad. He has to repeat a year. And he doesn't do much else but play video games and poker. And parties and smokes hookah.

Posted by PootyButt

Posted by Claris

Posted by ParisianCappy
what are those terrible mistake ?

Basically, I pushed him. I complained too much. Did not think about my words and actions when they probably hurt him. I only knew that my needs were not met so I largely tried to make him fulfil them. I pushed him into telling me what he needs from me when he was closed off. I got a second chance in terms of somewhat fresh start and didn't use it to my advantage. Ergo, still made the same mistakes because I, in my dumbness, still didn't understand how to fulfil his needs. Didn't even know what they were.

I focused on myself and not on him.

Those don't sound like terrible mistakes unless the pushing was really intense or delivered in a mean spirit or involved something like snooping...

It sounds to me like he isn't willing to meet your needs. Maybe he can't because you two are incompatible, or maybe he's an asshole.

click to expand

I.. don't know.. It just feels like I could have done much better.

Posted by PootyButt

Posted by Claris

Posted by PootyButt

Posted by Claris

Posted by PootyButt
Is it possible he has met someone else?

No. But I think he's trying to replace me (in terms of spending time with) with his ex.

Oh no. I'm so sorry.

I've never dated a Capricorn, but what I understand about them is that they detest weakness. Letting him walk on you is probably making him resent you more. 😢

Did anything happen before he changed?

Well. His school got bad. He has to repeat a year. And he doesn't do much else but play video games and poker. And parties and smokes hookah.

Is he depressed? It's not an excuse to take it out on you, but it could be his deal. Where does the ex come in?

click to expand

😄 I think she supports him no matter what (because she wants him back) and it seems that he considers her his "only" friend (not long ago his "only" friends were me and her). Also, they were together for 3 years so I guess they have a lot to talk about? But their relationship ended very ugly. So much so that 4 months after the break up she still hate-messaged him and all his friends. She called me real mean names when she learned that me and him started dating.. 😄

Posted by Claris
The question is. For the love of God, is there a way to stop this? Stop him from pulling away? Prove myself somehow? So that he may give me a chance to try again and not fuck it up this time?

Or is the only option to just sit, wait and hope for the best?

PS: Please, if you chose to judge me, don't too harsh. I'm hating on myself enough as it is..

Well that much is clear.

You seem to be giving this guy too much power. "Prove yourself"...hoping that he "may give you a chance"? This really isn't what relationships are suppose to be about. Your suppose to be on equal footing with your SO, not grovelling for scraps. He's told you where he stands, both directly and indirectly through his words and actions.

Make a decision to accept more for yourself.

Posted by Claris

Posted by ParisianCappy
what are those terrible mistake ?

Basically, I pushed him. I complained too much. Did not think about my words and actions when they probably hurt him. I only knew that my needs were not met so I largely tried to make him fulfil them. I pushed him into telling me what he needs from me when he was closed off. I got a second chance in terms of somewhat fresh start and didn't use it to my advantage. Ergo, still made the same mistakes because I, in my dumbness, still didn't understand how to fulfil his needs. Didn't even know what they were.

I focused on myself and not on him.

click to expand

It sounds like you have some work to do on yourself. If you were given a second opportunity and still made it all about you, what's to say it will be any different the third time around?

Perhaps take this time to find joy and fulfillment outside of a relationship, so then you won't feel the need to put this unrealistic expectation on your partner.

Posted by Claris

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Claris

Posted by LadyNeptune
How long have you been bf/gf. We need background info.

Background. We've been together for a year and .. 3 months. I'm Leo. Which means I was too dramatic and the more I felt that something was wrong the more I pushed and pushed. Which I know NOW..

And the relationship wasn't slow. On the contrary, we started to live together 3 months into the relationship. Also, something that might make a huge difference. He's 20, almost 4 years younger than me.

I know it might seem immature or something. That we are too young to take things seriously? At least that's what most older people say.. But you bet that it doesn't feel like that to me..

Also, we've been friends for 5 years before we started dating.

Who moved in with whom?

Are you supporting him financially.

We moved in together. As in a new flat for both of us. And we've moved out since then because our problems started. We stopped living together and things were fresh again. Until now.. Now it's worse than it was before when we decided to move out.

click to expand

I think maybe you should break up with him, before he does it to you.

OR he could be behaving so badly that you have to dump him. This way he doesn't have to do it.

I'm a Capricorn female and I would rather be dumped - crazy I know - but I Hate having to have THAT conversation where you dump someone.

Huh.. Thanks for your answers guys.

I'm even more depressed now but thinking more clearly. I've read some about this famous Capricorn disappearing act..

Maybe it's time for a Leo disappearing act now..

There's some really good advice in this thread.

How strange. 😄

I kid... lol

I was in a similar position when I was much younger-- though it was with a leo.

Not a Cap.

I think his moon was either Cancer or Cap, though... same axis.

But everything that you've supposedly done wrong...

Posted by Claris
Background. We've been together for a year and .. 3 months. I'm Leo. Which means I was too dramatic and the more I felt that something was wrong the more I pushed and pushed. Which I know NOW....

... is so Vague.

He's identified what you believe to be your weaknesses, and he's using

your own fears against you, for his benefit.

How cruel :/

You need to kill this with fire, so to speak.

If you've done the right thing already, and attempted to 'work it out' via communication,

etc... and his response is to let you twist in the wind like this, then he is a rotten person.



The situation that I was in... idk, I had a moment of clarity, saw it for what it was, and left

(dramatically! in the middle of the night!).

That cruel person turned into a sobbing (manipulation, again), contrite, mess-- what an ass.

Don't apologize again-- you're going to be floored when you realize that there are plenty of

people who like you (love you) exactly as you are-- this person isn't one of them, and he's

going to continue to make you suffer as long as you allow it.

You'll look back on this one day, and wonder why you didn't see it sooner-- and it isn't that

he's younger, either... people will do this to you at any age.



Where's your moon?

Posted by Claris

Posted by LadyNeptune
How long have you been bf/gf. We need background info.

Background. We've been together for a year and .. 3 months. I'm Leo. Which means I was too dramatic and the more I felt that something was wrong the more I pushed and pushed. Which I know NOW..

And the relationship wasn't slow. On the contrary, we started to live together 3 months into the relationship. Also, something that might make a huge difference. He's 20, almost 4 years younger than me.

I know it might seem immature or something. That we are too young to take things seriously? At least that's what most older people say.. But you bet that it doesn't feel like that to me..

Also, we've been friends for 5 years before we started dating.

click to expand

im a leo and i do this too. I know my partner and if i feel like something is different i will worry that i did something wrong because i just want to make them happy. The best thing i can tell you is that if he cant see that you push because you worry and love him then he is not right for you. The right person wouldn't think youre "too much". I know this feeling and i struggle with this also but i have also had boyfriends who wont leave me second guessing myself. Leos love so hard i dont think he is ready for that, it scares some people away.

Posted by Montgomery
There's some really good advice in this thread.

How strange. 😄

I kid... lol

I was in a similar position when I was much younger-- though it was with a leo.

Not a Cap.

I think his moon was either Cancer or Cap, though... same axis.

But everything that you've supposedly done wrong...

Posted by Claris
Background. We've been together for a year and .. 3 months. I'm Leo. Which means I was too dramatic and the more I felt that something was wrong the more I pushed and pushed. Which I know NOW....

... is so Vague.

He's identified what you believe to be your weaknesses, and he's using

your own fears against you, for his benefit.

How cruel :/

You need to kill this with fire, so to speak.

If you've done the right thing already, and attempted to 'work it out' via communication,

etc... and his response is to let you twist in the wind like this, then he is a rotten person.



The situation that I was in... idk, I had a moment of clarity, saw it for what it was, and left

(dramatically! in the middle of the night!).

That cruel person turned into a sobbing (manipulation, again), contrite, mess-- what an ass.

Don't apologize again-- you're going to be floored when you realize that there are plenty of

people who like you (love you) exactly as you are-- this person isn't one of them, and he's

going to continue to make you suffer as long as you allow it.

You'll look back on this one day, and wonder why you didn't see it sooner-- and it isn't that

he's younger, either... people will do this to you at any age.



Where's your moon?

click to expand

My moon is Capricorn..

I.. don't know.. maybe I'm just making excuses for him but I always thought that he doesn't know what he wants. I always though that he wanted to be with me but I was making it very difficult.. >.>

Posted by Claris
My moon is Capricorn..

I.. don't know.. maybe I'm just making excuses for him but I always thought that he doesn't know what he wants. I always though that he wanted to be with me but I was making it very difficult.. >.>

Negative.

What he is doing to you-- that isn't how you treat someone you claim to love.

That's the bottom line.

This:

... I pushed him. I complained too much. Did not think about my words

and actions when they probably hurt him. I only knew that my needs were

not met so I largely tried to make him fulfil them



That's his perception, right.... his words?

His trouble at school and in life is of his own making -- he's handling it by

getting stoned and playing video games.

Looks like he doesn't like to deal with problems-- and you're one more person

that is asking him to do so.



I really hope you don't let him continue to manipulate you like this.

Think about it. 🙂

Posted by Montgomery

Posted by Claris
My moon is Capricorn..

I.. don't know.. maybe I'm just making excuses for him but I always thought that he doesn't know what he wants. I always though that he wanted to be with me but I was making it very difficult.. >.>

Negative.

What he is doing to you-- that isn't how you treat someone you claim to love.

That's the bottom line.

This:

... I pushed him. I complained too much. Did not think about my words

and actions when they probably hurt him. I only knew that my needs were

not met so I largely tried to make him fulfil them



That's his perception, right.... his words?

His trouble at school and in life is of his own making -- he's handling it by

getting stoned and playing video games.

Looks like he doesn't like to deal with problems-- and you're one more person

that is asking him to do so.



I really hope you don't let him continue to manipulate you like this.

Think about it. 🙂

click to expand

Actually. That's my perception of things. He never said what the problem was, I just assumed that this was it. And the sad thing is. The last time he said he loved me was a month ago.. Now, in his words, he's "not in love" anymore. Well, imo, I'm not "in love" anymore. But I believe there's a difference between infatuation and love.. And I do love him. But I guess that's not healthy, as you say.

"Now, in his words, he's "not in love" anymore. Well, imo, I'm not "in love" anymore. But I believe there's a difference between infatuation and love.. And I do love him. But I guess that's not healthy, as you say."

Petulance.

I didn't say that.

And he never said what the problem was... so

you filled in the blank yourself, actually.



~

This guy sums up the solution, nicely:



Experience: that most brutal of teachers.

But you learn, my God do you learn.

C.S. Lewis



Best of luck to you.

I dated a Leo sun Cap moon once, for almost 8 years.. we were both dominant pushy stubborn leader types, we fought nightly lol We would have made great biz partners but, the drama was too much to make for a great relationship..