Read between the lines (Page 3)

I had a breakthrough!!! I just remembered something he said in our last conversation!!! I sent an email to him as follows:

Yesterday, I had a prior engagement that I completely forgot about and I was rushing when I sent the email and now I see I didn't mention that. Lately, I have had a real problem with over committing myself, I can't keep up with my own schedule. What can I say, everyone loves me and want a little of my time :-) LOL!!! Except for you, not so much lately...

We were supposed to hook up and I told him I couldn't at the last minute. He bought this email up in our last conversation and said. " Your email was very sarcastic and cute: "What can I say, everyone loves me and want a little of my time :-) LOL!!! Except for you, not so much lately..." - then he said, "Don't be trying to threaten me... I totally blew that off, but does he feel like I am threatening him I wonder. Whatever, I am leaving it alone its giving me a headache.

He didn't show up at the gym, maybe he changed his schedule or took a day off, which is rare for him.

Oh well....

Libras, what do you think about the above email?

Except for you, not so much lately..."

I picked up on what he picked up on. You kind of put him down and rejected him. Especially since you were the one cancelling and he DID want to see you.

I don't get how he didn't want see you when you are the one breaking plans.

I think the problem is no one is being clear. Everyone is trying to play games with these guys.

If they are your friends and you want more ... don't sleep with them. Say no. We are friends. Unless our relationship progresses to a dating or committed relationship we are friends. (follow advice in next sections)

If he says he can't have sex right now because it is confusing him, respect him and when he comes onto you say no ... you need time to get yourself sorted. when you get yourself sorted and you are interested in dating/committed relationship THEN we can talk about it. Until then, we are friends and I will remain your friend.

Being a friend means being a friend and putting the other person first. It also means understanding and compassion.

Libra men are also contradictory, so when they say they want one thing, their brain will try to talk them out of it or they'll conveniently "forget" that they said something.

Just be their friend and let them chase you. That's what I've decided with this Libra guy. He may be into me, but he lately has had a lousy way of showing it. I have better things to do than to be concerned over why he does the things he does.

He's been put on the back burner on "simmer" until he makes an effort to back up his words with actions.

Ahhhh ha!

This is what I am getting at!

*** Just one thing, if it means putting the other first, than why are they selfish and take sex and seek it when they just want to "be friends"?

Because you are saying we can have sex and I won't care what happens. BUT you do care because you are hear worrying about it. (I am NOT putting anyone down by the way. I have been in a similar situation. Great sex is sooo hard to leave.) So they say no ... no ... we need to stop. this isn't good for me/you/us. Then you guys seem to pursue, get together with them, and say it is okay .... we are just friends ... I don't care what happens ... and the cycle continues.

Getting these guys through sex is just not going to work.

This is why I am saying if you want more OWN it. If you want to be their friend, be their friend. If you want sex with them, then stop expecting more. If you want more, then make it very clear that the sex stops until they can step up.

** If you want to be their friend, be their friend. and stop the sex.

If you believe the zodiac is teaches the lessons of life, this is the lesson of Libra. Libras know you cannot have this without giving up that. This is why Libras appear indecisive. It is because we know every decision limits us and there is a cost to every decision.

This is why I am saying if you want more OWN it. If you want to be their friend, be their friend. If you want sex with them, then stop expecting more. If you want more, then make it very clear that the sex stops until they can step up.


It's what I've decided...we'll see if it works

You cannot have everything in this situation. You must honestly define what it is YOU want and pursue what you want. (Regardless of wether it includes this guy or not)

F buddies = casual sex. you need to be able to walk away and never hear from the other person ever again.

It is not friendship. It is not casual dating. It is not a relationship.

If this is not what you want, be honest about it. Will this guy leave you? Maybe but who cares? It opens you up to pursue that which fulfills you.

Stand up for what you really want to be happy. Follow your bliss. If he comes around GREAT! If not, his loss. But put it out there. Be brave!

Most of these sound like the guy is hurting and heartbroken about someone else. It really has nothing to do with you and your worth.

Be brave! I know you all deserve the ultimate in happiness. There is nothing I want more than to see each of you happy and in love with a man who can fulfill you.


(BTW ... helping all you guys has really helped me see things very clearly in my own life. Thank you! I love you all for helping me.)

LS,

He has cancelled plans a couple times with me or just not say anything and not show up so... Who should feel rejected? I didn't. I was sincere and it was at my request to hook up this time, so I don't know what the problem is? I don't have time to play games.

What makes Libras think they are the only ones with feelings, what makes them think everyone has to tip-toe around them. If they care so much about people how could they be so inconsiderate?

Trust, he never wanted to just be my friend. I think you are confusing me with HP. I on the other hand think we should only be friends. I have been able to be frends with an ex partner before. I could probably do it again.

** let me repeat, the other night was about fun, not getting a commitment so I don't understand the waffle. You all know I would like the option for more but he doesn't beyond me saying that I wanted friends with bene's.

Because you can't walk away and never see him again without caring. You do care. That is the problem.

QueenS

No. I am not confusing you with Houston. Not at all. Very different situation. He texts her everyday. Your guy is the gym guy who just broke up an on and off relationship. He told you he had feelings for you. You shot him down. He wanted to stop having sex with you so he could clear himself and get sorted and you don't want to.

If you want to be his friend, be his friend.

Noone is saying you don't have feelings. You obviously do. No one is saying you should tippy-toe around. In fact, I am saying own what you want. Be honest about it at the very least to yourself. I am fluster by your posts because they seem all over the place. I imagine he feels you are all over the place too.

The guy is in a bad place right now. He told you he needed to stop because it was confusing him. So be his friend and accept that.

After reading these. I think I am leaning more towards my Libra friends protecting himself, because if you have been reading my posts... I continue to state that I don't think a relationship, commitment is good for either of us. I just want things to stay as they have... Friends and sex. It was great, why screw that up unless he felt he might be getting attached. Even if I was I was handling things fine. Maybe the script is flipped with me. OK I am afraid am I turning into them?

LS,

For once and for all. All of my posts have included that "I miss his friendship most of all", just about every one. Again, I am willing to do so, the sex was an extra added benefit. I want his friendship, we conected on a friendship level before we ever had sex. The only place I have been on these posts is sex and friendship and without the sex I am very capable of friendship. I have also continuously stated that I genuinely care about him. As I am kind of newly divorce a relationship is not good for me at this moment, as I have also continued to mention in most of my posts.

Your point to be friends only with them has been taken. He just doesn't seem to be able to handle it.

Queen, if he can't handle it right, then just slowly move on. When he's ready for you, he'll seek you out. YOu're only hurting yourself by clinging onto him.

*right now

Again, that is my plan. I just wave and move on. I actually went to dinner with someone last night. I have been through almost the same thing with my ex. Believe me if I decide I want him to be my man. I will get him. However the difference is that I wanted the friendship to continue regardless, but if he doesn't I am not into forcing anyone to do anything. I don't really have to.

"Believe me if I decide I want him to be my man. I will get him."

Queen, be careful with this declaration...it can and will most likely backfire.

I sense you're taking some of our comments defensively. We're only trying to watch out for your heart.

QueenS

Then just be his friend. No expectations. Give him a couple of months. (Maybe call around the holidays and wish him happy holidays.)

If you want his friendship understand you can't have the sex.

Just treat him and have all the same expectations of him that you have of your other friends. If your other friends don't call for a week or two or you don't see them for a few weeks do you care? Not really ... because they are your friends. This is where you need to get with this guy. Lose the expectations.

If he is a true libra, he will accept your friendship back. Just give him a bit of time.

I have tons of friends that come in and out of my life. Sometimes I don't hear from them for years at a time, they call me up, and I am sooo happy to hear from them and we renew of friendship.

Give the guy a little time.

LS, that is what my plans are. I probably won't call until after the New Year, as he will be going home for Christmas (New Orleans) (yes he always tells me his plans) I have no idea for how long he will be gone, but I should probably give him the rest of the year...

HP, I hear you, I am not offended, maybe a little confident, but so far that has never backfired on me, never... However, there is a first time for everything right?

Queen,

I am not trying to upset you. I hope you realize this. I just want you to be honest with yourself about what you want/need/desire/deserve.

I am sincere in my desire for you to have the best of everything.

Good!

That is what I think you should do! Contact him and chat about his holidays. Just be casual happy friends.

I know LS, I am crystal clear of my wants, needs and desires and have been as far as I can remember. I normally get what I want. The difference between the situation with this guy and my ex. I saw my ex, wanted him and eventually after similar situation as this got him. This guy was more of a buddy then anything else, and if you know about scorps, we love are friends deeply no matter their sex, nationality or race, just like family. To lose a good friend is worst than losing any lover to me.

Good!

I have no doubt you guys will become friends again. He just needs a bit of time to put between you and the dirty deed, then you guys can be friends again. I have zero doubt.

We shall see, if so great, if not well, not meant to be friends I guess.

There is probably one thing that none of you dealing with Libras should ever forget:

Libra - males or female - has no hidden agenda or alterior motive. Most of it is made up as we go along...

Truuuee!

So this wishy washiness is however the wind blows on which day is that it?

No. What I mean is conversation is not rehearsed. Things we say are not always thought through. Opinions are not known often until the moment of the conversation taking place.

When we wanted and we stop wanting, we don't really go back to wanting again. So not wishy washy, but just that that there are no hidden agendas.

* our own opinion, this is...

Opinions are not known often until the moment of the conversation taking place.

Exactly. Libras learn their own feelings, opinions, and thoughts by bouncing them off others. Libras need others to define themselves.

what appears wishy-washy to you is a fluidity of thought and an experience of all options.

We're just very, very reactive. If you are angry, I get defensive. If you are sweet, I get sweeter.

If I am annoyed about something I may or may not bring it up, sometimes not at all. Depending on how much I have to lose by getting angry.

We're a bit stupid and and are probably always looking for your steer...

** Depending on how much I have to lose by getting angry.

Exactly because everything is cost benefit. No choice comes without a cost.

*** We're just very, very reactive. If you are angry, I get defensive. If you are sweet, I get sweeter.

Because we only know self through the eyes of someone else.

YET, in love we don't need any bouncing off anyone.

Weird isn't it, Sparrow?

True.

We should write a book. 🙂

OK Libra, confusing... Definitely go back and forth wanting and not wanting continuously... In almost all my experiences with the Libra male it has been that way as they can't make up their mind. Even with this guy and his ex. One week totally done with her argue everytime they talk he states "I am physically hurting myself and her by trying to stay in this relationship, it is probably mostly guilt." However, after breaking up a week later back together. this happened at least 3 times while we were just friends... I felt so sorry for him, but I understood.

Yeah, Little sparrow and Libra I get the Libra is weird to some and perfectly normal to self...

Hmmm, however we all have some weirdness in us, that seem perfectly normal to us...

Thanks gals.

But that is easy QS ... he isn't over wanting.

It takes FOREVER for a libra to get over real heartbreak. It has taken me almost 3 yrs from the initial break-up ... a year and a half after my last attempt.

Look at your ex and how he is still pining. Libras love deep because we only deeply love a few.

😉

I don't believe that. We have no problem making up our minds, it's the implementation that is usually the issue.

He probably feels guilty and is managing his ex girlfriend - letting her down very gently, bit by bit.

Unless, he really loved her. Then forget it. He is useless for years.

When I realized I was over my ex, I had such an identity crisis. I just was over it. The last leo I dated asked me a question and something snapped in my head and I realized I no longer loved my ex and no longer wanted that type of relationship. I now can't for the life of me figure out what I ever saw in him or in that type of relationship. I am completely purplexed. I wonder if I ever loved him ... but I know I did.

When a Libra turns off ... we turn off for good.

I think this guy just isn't off yet. A part of him still wants the Saggie ... just isn't working out.

OK, I hear you on letting her down gently. It might seem they are confused because of the so sure he is done and go back and with me - refraining from sex, this is the third time and I always say I will support him and I go along with it (because he is my buddy first). He basically begs when he is over that phase and wants me in that way again. However, I don't think I will go that route again. Be friends only or nothing for now, unless somewhere down the line we decide to be in a relationship... way down the line...

I think the Libra in my life is no longer into me. Hard to know for sure because he won't answer any of my questions directly!

Or afraid of losing you. Often before I answer I think, what does the person want to hear. Because I want to get it right.

When a lot is at stake, we are VERY careful...

OK LS, I agree with you on the fact that he still wants her but it is'nt working out. I even believe he still loves her and misses her. That is the reason I said I know another relationship would not be good for him. As you said, my ex-hubby is the same, but as you probably know we scorps are different. When we are done we don't look back. We are capable of remaining friends, but no reruns on the relationship tip, which in some cases could be bad.

Why do you say that HP? Didn't he just call you yesterday?

*** He basically begs

He needs to be told no for his own good. He sounds like emotional roadkill ... don't get sucked onto his highway.

*** Or afraid of losing you. Often before I answer I think, what does the person want to hear. Because I want to get it right.

**** When a lot is at stake, we are VERY careful...

guilty as charged.

QueenS

Yeah. I really admire my best friends ability to just shut someone she loves out. I CANNOT do it. I can't even shut someone I like out unless what they have done is malicious and even then I will pine and be upset for a long time.

IF I stop loving them for another reason, or find out we are completely incompatible for some reason, I just shut off and it is a totally different story. It is almost like I erase the whole thing and it is almost as if I never cared and can't access those feelings.

I have to run out to meet a friend.

Hope you guys hang tight and have a good night!

LS, as I am a scorpio good sex is always hard to pass up and boy oh boy!!!! Anyway, I am a bit tired of his emotional shinanigans so I will grit my teeth and bare it if he ever asks again, but i doubt it, I confess like HP I couldn't take it anymore and sent him a long email, gentle with a couple compliments but expressing my true feelings about how are friendship is going and clarity. Probably won't hear from him after that, but I had to get it of my chest. I also stated in the email that I would give him peace and not bother him but the door to friendship is always open if he needs me for support. I expressed the friendship without sex thing and how I more than everything miss our frienship. My last contact unless he contacts me. I will continue to be sweet and speak at the gym, however that is the extent of it.

What cha think?