Boyfriend of 3 years still refuses to move in with me

So I've been dating a guy on and off for 3 years. I am 25 he is almost 27. I've had my own place for almost 2 years and although he spends a lot of nights, I am still kind of annoyed he hasn't moved in. He has never helped with any bills, although he usually buys some food. I recently lost my job, and he said he would help with bills from here on out. Tonight, he decided he wants to go home for the night and he'll see me tomorrow. He still lives with his parents. He has his own bureau here with some clothes. I am just kind of annoyed by this. He said he had a long day at work so he wants to go home, eat, then sleep. I feel like this is just a vacation home for him sometimes. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Is he an Aqua or a Gem 🙂?

Posted by Undine
Is he an Aqua or a Gem 🙂?

Lollll

Posted by Undine
Is he an Aqua or a Gem 🙂?

Aqua 🙂

Posted by DonJohn
1 reason and 1 reason only.



he's dicking down hos when you're not around.

I've had my suspicions

Is he just cheap?

Or a momma's boy?

Posted by Rosaknowsya

Posted by kmri365
So I've been dating a guy on and off for 3 years. I am 25 he is almost 27. I've had my own place for almost 2 years and although he spends a lot of nights, I am still kind of annoyed he hasn't moved in. He has never helped with any bills, although he usually buys some food. I recently lost my job, and he said he would help with bills from here on out. Tonight, he decided he wants to go home for the night and he'll see me tomorrow. He still lives with his parents. He has his own bureau here with some clothes. I am just kind of annoyed by this. He said he had a long day at work so he wants to go home, eat, then sleep. I feel like this is just a vacation home for him sometimes. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

You aren't wrong for feeling anything. I think you want to understand the situation better.

Does he make enough money to live comfortably or is he home because he can't afford it?

Is he a Taurus? Lol I dated a guy who was like that.. sounds like him.

You said you dated "on and off for 3 years" Maybe it's due to the instability of never knowing for sure if you guys are solid.

click to expand

I just don't get it. He makes enough to not live with his parents, my rent is pretty low but nice place. He is an Aquarius lol. I def agree with the one and off thing, but its mainly due to him dumping or being a jerk. I just tried to text him that I'm confused about all of this. His response "now I'm all mad fuck off bitch leave me alone"

Posted by Deedee86
Is he just cheap?

Or a momma's boy?

mommas boy

Posted by DivaCanLeo

Posted by kmri365

Posted by Rosaknowsya

Posted by kmri365
So I've been dating a guy on and off for 3 years. I am 25 he is almost 27. I've had my own place for almost 2 years and although he spends a lot of nights, I am still kind of annoyed he hasn't moved in. He has never helped with any bills, although he usually buys some food. I recently lost my job, and he said he would help with bills from here on out. Tonight, he decided he wants to go home for the night and he'll see me tomorrow. He still lives with his parents. He has his own bureau here with some clothes. I am just kind of annoyed by this. He said he had a long day at work so he wants to go home, eat, then sleep. I feel like this is just a vacation home for him sometimes. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

You aren't wrong for feeling anything. I think you want to understand the situation better.

Does he make enough money to live comfortably or is he home because he can't afford it?

Is he a Taurus? Lol I dated a guy who was like that.. sounds like him.

You said you dated "on and off for 3 years" Maybe it's due to the instability of never knowing for sure if you guys are solid.

I just don't get it. He makes enough to not live with his parents, my rent is pretty low but nice place. He is an Aquarius lol. I def agree with the one and off thing, but its mainly due to him dumping or being a jerk. I just tried to text him that I'm confused about all of this. His response "now I'm all mad fuck off bitch leave me alone"

Whoa you let your man call you the B word ...lol

click to expand

He feels worse about it after than I do when he does

LOL. Mine didn't move in with me either, even if originally it was his idea and managed to convinced me of it over 12 months! When the time came to move, he suddenly got "business issues" and asked me to be just friends! I dropped him like a hot potato.

"I recently lost my job, and he said he would help with bills from here on out."

Sit down with him and show him what your living costs are. Be nice and smile to him. Say what his share should be, and ask him how is he going to pay for it. Express your gratitude even before he answers.

If he bails out, drop him...three years is long enough for someone to make up his mind......relationships which do not evolve, are meant to die.

All I want to know is what do you see in a person who obviously does not respect you and good for nothing?

Sex?

Posted by kmri365
So I've been dating a guy on and off for 3 years. I am 25 he is almost 27. I've had my own place for almost 2 years and although he spends a lot of nights, I am still kind of annoyed he hasn't moved in. He has never helped with any bills, although he usually buys some food. I recently lost my job, and he said he would help with bills from here on out. Tonight, he decided he wants to go home for the night and he'll see me tomorrow. He still lives with his parents. He has his own bureau here with some clothes. I am just kind of annoyed by this. He said he had a long day at work so he wants to go home, eat, then sleep. I feel like this is just a vacation home for him sometimes. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Ultimatum or dump

Posted by Undine
LOL. Mine didn't move in with me either, even if originally it was his idea and managed to convinced me of it over 12 months! When the time came to move, he suddenly got "business issues" and asked me to be just friends! I dropped him like a hot potato.

"I recently lost my job, and he said he would help with bills from here on out."

Sit down with him and show him what your living costs are. Be nice and smile to him. Say what his share should be, and ask him how is he going to pay for it. Express your gratitude even before he answers.

If he bails out, drop him...three years is long enough for someone to make up his mind......relationships which do not evolve, are meant to die.

Thank you so much. All very wise words. I think he blocked me on his phone, so I am now dropping him like a hot potato

Oh, I've just seen how he treats you....unless this is the way you both talk to each other....find someone who is more reliable and respectful to you.

But firstly, find a new job!

Posted by kmri365

Posted by Rosaknowsya

Posted by kmri365
So I've been dating a guy on and off for 3 years. I am 25 he is almost 27. I've had my own place for almost 2 years and although he spends a lot of nights, I am still kind of annoyed he hasn't moved in. He has never helped with any bills, although he usually buys some food. I recently lost my job, and he said he would help with bills from here on out. Tonight, he decided he wants to go home for the night and he'll see me tomorrow. He still lives with his parents. He has his own bureau here with some clothes. I am just kind of annoyed by this. He said he had a long day at work so he wants to go home, eat, then sleep. I feel like this is just a vacation home for him sometimes. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

You aren't wrong for feeling anything. I think you want to understand the situation better.

Does he make enough money to live comfortably or is he home because he can't afford it?

Is he a Taurus? Lol I dated a guy who was like that.. sounds like him.

You said you dated "on and off for 3 years" Maybe it's due to the instability of never knowing for sure if you guys are solid.

I just don't get it. He makes enough to not live with his parents, my rent is pretty low but nice place. He is an Aquarius lol. I def agree with the one and off thing, but its mainly due to him dumping or being a jerk. I just tried to text him that I'm confused about all of this. His response "now I'm all mad fuck off bitch leave me alone"

click to expand

Guess what? Don't allow him to give you an invite to stop dealing with him. Leave his ass alone. For real, for real.

Posted by kmri365

Posted by Deedee86
Is he just cheap?

Or a momma's boy?

mommas boy

click to expand

Yikes! Run. Run fast and run far

He is an Aquarian....detachment is the name of the game

😐

Honestly, he sounds like a little boy. 3 years is a long time to play the middle without making a solid commitment. Plus, how he talks to you and treats you is insane. Block your number for what? He's a grown ass man playing 9th grade games.

Do you really want him living with you?

Red flag alert.. He's been with u for 3 years , doesn't want to live with u & has no intention of leaving his parents house as of now. He knows it angers u & he's showing u he doesn't care , especially with the name calling., I'm Aqua Venus

He's not ready to move in dont force it on him. Sounds like he likes his time away with warm meals. He's not ready for that big commitment. I'm

Sorry about your job but in reality it's not his responsibility to help with bills but it's nice that he offered. If he's staying over I'm sure you both enjoy that time together and most relationships are like this but this really doesn't obligate a person to pitching in or pressured to move in. Just my 2 cents.

Posted by Impulsv
The red flag is him living with his parents WHEN he can afford to be on his OWN!!

Yeah... and the 'fuck off bitch'

I wouldn't let That come over much less move in.

Posted by DivaCanLeo

Posted by Impulsv
The red flag is him living with his parents WHEN he can afford to be on his OWN!!

not really. great way to save money

click to expand

I've know men (and woman) who stayed at home for that very reason, saved, and when they did move out it was into something they own.

I also knew someone who moved back home to take care of an ailing parent. So you cant write off someone unless you know the whole situation.

Thanks everyone. Its just a messy situation but I think I should be done with it. I agree with living at home to save money, but those plans have not been talked about either. I am looking for a new job, and I agree that he shouldnt help with bills just to "help with bills." I believe we both just need to be financially responsible, although it does not matter now. He called me a bitch, told me to fuck off, and now I am blocked. I cannot and should not go through this with him again. I cannot and I should not

The whole name calling thing was through text which is stupid. I tried kindly telling him "hey so are you living here now? why did you go to your parents?" and I got called names and all that stuff. Honestly, I wouldn't be as bothered if he could just talk about it like adults. I tried caling after his name calling, only to find out he had blocked me

Posted by kmri365
The whole name calling thing was through text which is stupid. I tried kindly telling him "hey so are you living here now? why did you go to your parents?" and I got called names and all that stuff. Honestly, I wouldn't be as bothered if he could just talk about it like adults. I tried caling after his name calling, only to find out he had blocked me

Honey! Don't you see it happened BECAUSE you lost job and he doesn't care about you anymore?

Sorry this schmuck is gone!!!

No help with bills coming so good luck with a new job!

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by kmri365
The whole name calling thing was through text which is stupid. I tried kindly telling him "hey so are you living here now? why did you go to your parents?" and I got called names and all that stuff. Honestly, I wouldn't be as bothered if he could just talk about it like adults. I tried caling after his name calling, only to find out he had blocked me

Honey! Don't you see it happened BECAUSE you lost job and he doesn't care about you anymore?

Sorry this schmuck is gone!!!

No help with bills coming so good luck with a new job!

click to expand

Nah honestly lol this would have happened whether or not I had a job. Always does like clock work. I knew it was going to well to keep going so well. Thanks though! Its almost been a week but I've had lots of interviews!

Posted by kmri365

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by kmri365
The whole name calling thing was through text which is stupid. I tried kindly telling him "hey so are you living here now? why did you go to your parents?" and I got called names and all that stuff. Honestly, I wouldn't be as bothered if he could just talk about it like adults. I tried caling after his name calling, only to find out he had blocked me

Honey! Don't you see it happened BECAUSE you lost job and he doesn't care about you anymore?

Sorry this schmuck is gone!!!

No help with bills coming so good luck with a new job!

Nah honestly lol this would have happened whether or not I had a job. Always does like clock work. I knew it was going to well to keep going so well. Thanks though! Its almost been a week but I've had lots of interviews!

click to expand

What was exactly going too well?

He called you names first time in 3 years and before he was a perfect gentleman, loving and caring?

Doubt it. Do you have low standards for men?

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by kmri365

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by kmri365
The whole name calling thing was through text which is stupid. I tried kindly telling him "hey so are you living here now? why did you go to your parents?" and I got called names and all that stuff. Honestly, I wouldn't be as bothered if he could just talk about it like adults. I tried caling after his name calling, only to find out he had blocked me

Honey! Don't you see it happened BECAUSE you lost job and he doesn't care about you anymore?

Sorry this schmuck is gone!!!

No help with bills coming so good luck with a new job!

Nah honestly lol this would have happened whether or not I had a job. Always does like clock work. I knew it was going to well to keep going so well. Thanks though! Its almost been a week but I've had lots of interviews!

What was exactly going too well?

He called you names first time in 3 years and before he was a perfect gentleman, loving and caring?

Doubt it. Do you have low standards for men?

click to expand

Us. The love the commitment. It was going well for a few months. He moved some of his stuff here at my place. He said he wants to move in. This was not the first time he has called me names. I might have low standards for men, but this is my second boyfriend ever. I'm 25 years old. I am very loyal, but I am starting to see I might be stupid

Posted by Rosaknowsya

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by kmri365
The whole name calling thing was through text which is stupid. I tried kindly telling him "hey so are you living here now? why did you go to your parents?" and I got called names and all that stuff. Honestly, I wouldn't be as bothered if he could just talk about it like adults. I tried caling after his name calling, only to find out he had blocked me

Honey! Don't you see it happened BECAUSE you lost job and he doesn't care about you anymore?

Sorry this schmuck is gone!!!

No help with bills coming so good luck with a new job!

If I'm.wrong, smite me oh MIGHTY one.. but, this user was created today -- think we are getting trolled.

:/

click to expand

What for?

This isn't something too bizarre!

Let's wait

Posted by kmri365

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by kmri365

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by kmri365
The whole name calling thing was through text which is stupid. I tried kindly telling him "hey so are you living here now? why did you go to your parents?" and I got called names and all that stuff. Honestly, I wouldn't be as bothered if he could just talk about it like adults. I tried caling after his name calling, only to find out he had blocked me

Honey! Don't you see it happened BECAUSE you lost job and he doesn't care about you anymore?

Sorry this schmuck is gone!!!

No help with bills coming so good luck with a new job!

Nah honestly lol this would have happened whether or not I had a job. Always does like clock work. I knew it was going to well to keep going so well. Thanks though! Its almost been a week but I've had lots of interviews!

What was exactly going too well?

He called you names first time in 3 years and before he was a perfect gentleman, loving and caring?

Doubt it. Do you have low standards for men?

Us. The love the commitment. It was going well for a few months. He moved some of his stuff here at my place. He said he wants to move in. This was not the first time he has called me names. I might have low standards for men, but this is my second boyfriend ever. I'm 25 years old. I am very loyal, but I am starting to see I might be stupid

click to expand

Please keep that thought and change your attitude toward men. You'll be fine.

Posted by Rosaknowsya

Posted by kmri365

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by kmri365

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by kmri365
The whole name calling thing was through text which is stupid. I tried kindly telling him "hey so are you living here now? why did you go to your parents?" and I got called names and all that stuff. Honestly, I wouldn't be as bothered if he could just talk about it like adults. I tried caling after his name calling, only to find out he had blocked me

Honey! Don't you see it happened BECAUSE you lost job and he doesn't care about you anymore?

Sorry this schmuck is gone!!!

No help with bills coming so good luck with a new job!

Nah honestly lol this would have happened whether or not I had a job. Always does like clock work. I knew it was going to well to keep going so well. Thanks though! Its almost been a week but I've had lots of interviews!

What was exactly going too well?

He called you names first time in 3 years and before he was a perfect gentleman, loving and caring?

Doubt it. Do you have low standards for men?

Us. The love the commitment. It was going well for a few months. He moved some of his stuff here at my place. He said he wants to move in. This was not the first time he has called me names. I might have low standards for men, but this is my second boyfriend ever. I'm 25 years old. I am very loyal, but I am starting to see I might be stupid

If I asked you what should I do about my boyfriend cussing at me and calling me derogatory names and blocking me when I have questions .. what kind of advice would you give me?

What advice would you give yourself if you were in our shoes?

What's your placements?

click to expand

Hit him hard and leave him. I've done that before... 😢 I thought we were gold after. We got back together 6 months after that happened. One of my BFFs passed so he reached out.

I am a libra sun, aries moon, leo venus

I personally think it's a good thing he's not shacking up with you. No need to play the husband and wife roles when you're not even close to marriage.

I also don't understand why he should pay the bills to your apartment. He's not living there.

Sounds like you're forcing him to do things he doesn't want to do. And it's clearly annoying him.

give me his number, ill call him and rip him a new hole. You dont deserve this, next time around, find a passionate scorpio male who is happy to move in and commit to the next chapter

Posted by tiziani

Posted by pinkbird03
I personally think it's a good thing he's not shacking up with you. No need to play the husband and wife roles when you're not even close to marriage.

I also don't understand why he should pay the bills to your apartment. He's not living there.

Sounds like you're forcing him to do things he doesn't want to do. And it's clearly annoying him.

Agreed. You just both want different things.



Since when is living together a sign of a relationship moving forward? If you're both abusive and fighting, you don't need to be under the same roof to confirm what's already there. Living together doesn't guarantee changing anything in that respect.

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Unless all the fights revolve around the issue of not seeing each other enough, then yes I'd agree.

Posted by kmri365

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by kmri365
The whole name calling thing was through text which is stupid. I tried kindly telling him "hey so are you living here now? why did you go to your parents?" and I got called names and all that stuff. Honestly, I wouldn't be as bothered if he could just talk about it like adults. I tried caling after his name calling, only to find out he had blocked me

Honey! Don't you see it happened BECAUSE you lost job and he doesn't care about you anymore?

Sorry this schmuck is gone!!!

No help with bills coming so good luck with a new job!

Nah honestly lol this would have happened whether or not I had a job. Always does like clock work. I knew it was going to well to keep going so well. Thanks though! Its almost been a week but I've had lots of interviews!

click to expand

This is not new behavior. When he first called you bitch and told you to fuck off you should have taken his words and done just that. A man whose verbally abusive isn't going to suddenly start treating you like gold cause he shares the same toilet with you.

Posted by UndauntedSoul88
What is there to understand? He's cheap and a loser.

I owned my first house at 21, so I can't empathise with men like him. And he's bumming off of his girlfriend then conveniently goes back to his parents' once it seems he may be depended on?

Run.

Wait...how does anyone pwd house at 21?

Posted by UndauntedSoul88

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by UndauntedSoul88
What is there to understand? He's cheap and a loser.

I owned my first house at 21, so I can't empathise with men like him. And he's bumming off of his girlfriend then conveniently goes back to his parents' once it seems he may be depended on?

Run.

Wait...how does anyone pwd house at 21?

By being in the military and saving wisely.

click to expand

How well military people get paid so they can get house in 3 years of saving?

Just seems unreal to me because I know people in military for ages and not having a house!

Posted by kmri365

Posted by Rosaknowsya

Posted by kmri365
So I've been dating a guy on and off for 3 years. I am 25 he is almost 27. I've had my own place for almost 2 years and although he spends a lot of nights, I am still kind of annoyed he hasn't moved in. He has never helped with any bills, although he usually buys some food. I recently lost my job, and he said he would help with bills from here on out. Tonight, he decided he wants to go home for the night and he'll see me tomorrow. He still lives with his parents. He has his own bureau here with some clothes. I am just kind of annoyed by this. He said he had a long day at work so he wants to go home, eat, then sleep. I feel like this is just a vacation home for him sometimes. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

You aren't wrong for feeling anything. I think you want to understand the situation better.

Does he make enough money to live comfortably or is he home because he can't afford it?

Is he a Taurus? Lol I dated a guy who was like that.. sounds like him.

You said you dated "on and off for 3 years" Maybe it's due to the instability of never knowing for sure if you guys are solid.

His response "now I'm all mad fuck off bitch leave me alone"

click to expand

You lack self-respect. Something tells me this is not the first time he's spoken to you this way, am I right? No self respecting woman would allow anyone to speak to her that way.

Maybe things have stopped being fun with you.

Sounds to me the OP isn't telling the whole story. I just doubt that she's the sweet innocent woman in all of this and he's the bad guy.

Posted by UndauntedSoul88

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by UndauntedSoul88

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by UndauntedSoul88
What is there to understand? He's cheap and a loser.

I owned my first house at 21, so I can't empathise with men like him. And he's bumming off of his girlfriend then conveniently goes back to his parents' once it seems he may be depended on?

Run.

Wait...how does anyone pwd house at 21?

By being in the military and saving wisely.

How well military people get paid so they can get house in 3 years of saving?

Just seems unreal to me because I know people in military for ages and not having a house!

Ask them. I don't know why they chose not to make that life decision/investment.

Not all women have to screw or suck their way to having things, Gemitati.

Some of us are actually successful and respectable women on our own.

VA Home Loan Guarantees help. But, most of my friends that served with me all bought their first houses around that age, and saved money made from tours in the desert, where there's hazardous duty pay.

click to expand

My friends son is a military officer married with child and they are not able to buy the house!

And for you child I am working since I was 15!

I might just not aware of kind of houses exist that you can owe in 3 years.

Nor I was aware about hazardous pay.

Posted by kmri365
The whole name calling thing was through text which is stupid. I tried kindly telling him "hey so are you living here now? why did you go to your parents?" and I got called names and all that stuff. Honestly, I wouldn't be as bothered if he could just talk about it like adults. I tried caling after his name calling, only to find out he had blocked me

This would have made me livid. What a jerk

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by UndauntedSoul88

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by UndauntedSoul88
What is there to understand? He's cheap and a loser.

I owned my first house at 21, so I can't empathise with men like him. And he's bumming off of his girlfriend then conveniently goes back to his parents' once it seems he may be depended on?

Run.

Wait...how does anyone pwd house at 21?

By being in the military and saving wisely.

How well military people get paid so they can get house in 3 years of saving?

Just seems unreal to me because I know people in military for ages and not having a house!

click to expand

It happens... I've seen it, and rented from one

when we were both in our 20's.

Some people are just suited for that kind of

responsibility.

Posted by pinkbird03

Sounds like you're forcing him to do things he doesn't want to do. And it's clearly annoying him.

I got this impression also. The title of the thread says, he "still" won't do it ... so by saying he still won't do it, implies that she bugs him about it.

And to top it off, he is allowed to call her a bitch, and she has excuses ready for him .... allowing him to disrespect her.

this is just another validation thread ... she knows she's wrong and has been wrong the whole time, in what she has allowed and can't handle that she is wrong, so comes to try and lay blame on him.

Posted by dracula

You dont deserve this

You have to just laugh when people say such ridiculous things to a person who has just stated that she has allowed such treatment for 3 years.

she's earned it by virtue of acceptance, so she damn well deserves it

thanks ya'll. I appreciate all the different perspectives