Worst shit that has ever happened to me in a long time. Don't do it.
Relationships with drug addicts
The Cancer moon fella?
Aren't you a nurse— How did you expect otherwise? Im hoping you didn't know initially.
Posted by scorpx3No.
Not entirely true... Why can't you help them break their addiction? Many of them need companions, someone to guide the way and heal that sense of loneliness...to make them better, and send them off into the world stronger. They seem to have deep rooted insecurities and fear. I imagine it to be an exhausting amount of effort, but a rewarding journey, to bring them out of that state...
The problem was there before you so any fixing's gotta come from him. And the whole 'savior' complex is an issue in itself, don't even get me started..
too many lies to keep up with?
Apparently drug addicts do very well to help the community -
No background story needed, just a very good dude in a very bad company and he likes it. /exit
And no, Cancer moon guy stayed an acquaintaince, nothing happened there.
This is the Sag sun guy with Cap stellium, my countryman.
Met him thru a friend, who also connected me to this group of.. enthusiasts. All of them have been cut out by now. I am genuinely glad I am having this experience, and have been very lucky to leave with no consequences to my health, except on the emotional level.
And no, Cancer moon guy stayed an acquaintaince, nothing happened there.
This is the Sag sun guy with Cap stellium, my countryman.
Met him thru a friend, who also connected me to this group of.. enthusiasts. All of them have been cut out by now. I am genuinely glad I am having this experience, and have been very lucky to leave with no consequences to my health, except on the emotional level.
Posted by Magenta_AzureDidn't know initially is correct. Saw it firsthand though.
Aren't you a nurse— How did you expect otherwise? Im hoping you didn't know initially.
You could technically call him a "functional addict" as a standalone from the group, but it's a matter of time when you're involved in a company of a dozen people who do this from dawn to dusk on a regular basis (mostly LSD and oil), so there's a slim chance it will hold up as a straight line for him in the future.
All depends on oneself. If you like doing it and you like friends like that, then it's a dead end somewhere, eventually.
All depends on oneself. If you like doing it and you like friends like that, then it's a dead end somewhere, eventually.
Posted by Ktayl117Thank you. We called quits by his initiative anyways, and all the better for me. But it's a very difficult issue to fold under your belt. Once again, knowing some horror stories from close friends' personal experiences, I am hella incredibly lucky to come out of this with just a broken ego and messed up emotions.Posted by RamOfPeaceI'm sorry you had to go though this. I can seriously empathize. Drugs steal souls.
Worst butter that has ever happened to me in a long time. Don't do it.click to expand
One of my best friends is currently trapped in a marriage like that, and I just now fully started to understand what she's been going through every waking hour since last May.
All the people that I see who are trying to keep clean and doing pretty well at it are doing it for themselves. They have to want to improve their life...and I mean really want to.
There are also times I get calls from relatives or partners who are crying because their lives are hell but they want to help the defendant get better...even though the situation has already ruined them both.
If someone has self destructive behavior and you're close to them, it's going to bring you down too. You can believe they'll change all you want but chances are they wont.
There are also times I get calls from relatives or partners who are crying because their lives are hell but they want to help the defendant get better...even though the situation has already ruined them both.
If someone has self destructive behavior and you're close to them, it's going to bring you down too. You can believe they'll change all you want but chances are they wont.
Posted by scorpx3Can only help when they reach bottom and WANT the help. No matter how much you care, love, beg, borrow, plead addiction is that powerful. I have seen it destroy many lives and seen many people try to save others. You might be a temporay fix or reprieve but unless someone truly wants to stop and get help, it won't be enough.Posted by ImpulsvI haven't, but the fact that someone is an addict or that it's a hard cycle to break wouldn't stop me from trying...especially if there is a connection and a sense of love/responsibility that exists between us for the other. I think addicts do want to break that cycle more than anyone around them wants them to break it...it becomes an illness, and I think they need that companion - the way those who lack sight or hearing have companion animals - to help them along their way.
Have you dated an addict or been around it?
its seems all good what ur saying
I work with addict n it's a difficult cycle to break no matter how supportive partners are. It comes from them choosing with lots of professional support.
But if a clean person or Freind told me they started dating an addict n wants to be their change I suggest against it. Sadly at times they not only damage themselves but extended loved ones greatly.
click to expand
Been in recovery for 30 years and seen many people come through the doors and in and out of my life due to addiction.
@RamofPeace You know i'm here if you need an ear 🙂
Posted by tizianiIillusions tiz... They appear to be functioning addicts, they just got really good at hiding it.Posted by TaureyeWhat's your view on functional addicts?
An overwhelmingly high rate of people who get out of rehab end up relapsing. When your body gets used to a certain chemical, especially pleasure chemicals being released due to these drugs it becomes dependent in the worst way. In fact working in the medical field prior i often had to ok doses of FDA regulated derivatives of meth and cocaine. It's crazy. The only person that can break the addiction is the one addicted and thats like one of the hardest if the not the hardest things they will ever encounter.click to expand
A functioning addict can be defined as someone who is able to hide the excesses of their alcohol or drug use. An example of this would be the functioning alcoholic who may have a good job, a secure home life, and be respected in the community despite drinking an excessive amount of alcohol most day.
I liked multiple guys with coke addictions. It is SO painful to watch. I always felt like I had to "save" or help them. BUT the reality is I COULD NOT. And it was not my responsibility, so I don't know why I ever thought it was. I just felt this fleeting feeling inside like "they need me", but they don't. They need themselves. The change and transformation comes from within. I cannot make a decision for a grown man, and if I did, he could resent me for it.
A guy I was with/seeing had serious coke/adderall issues. My heart cried for him. I could feel his suffering, his withdrawals and his binges. His tired eyes speak for themselves. He says he "needs" it. The only thing I always say is "you don't need it. you allow yourself to think you do". I supported and cared for him, but he could turn quite cruel and harsh sometimes to the point of being verbally abusive. He never meant it and always apologized, but after some time...you are also the one suffering from their addiction. The psyche is nothing to play with. The addict or the addict's gf/bf. Both roles end up suffering if the addict does not want to change. It's sad, but it's true. However, trying to support them is still important. Just know that you will not be the change. You COULD be....but I feel like....that is a dreamer's dream. It doesn't always work that way.
A guy I was with/seeing had serious coke/adderall issues. My heart cried for him. I could feel his suffering, his withdrawals and his binges. His tired eyes speak for themselves. He says he "needs" it. The only thing I always say is "you don't need it. you allow yourself to think you do". I supported and cared for him, but he could turn quite cruel and harsh sometimes to the point of being verbally abusive. He never meant it and always apologized, but after some time...you are also the one suffering from their addiction. The psyche is nothing to play with. The addict or the addict's gf/bf. Both roles end up suffering if the addict does not want to change. It's sad, but it's true. However, trying to support them is still important. Just know that you will not be the change. You COULD be....but I feel like....that is a dreamer's dream. It doesn't always work that way.
Posted by RamOfPeacehow ironic. the guy I mentioned, too, has a Cap stellium.
No background story needed, just a very good dude in a very bad company and he likes it. /exit
And no, Cancer moon guy stayed an acquaintaince, nothing happened there.
This is the Sag sun guy with Cap stellium, my countryman.
Met him thru a friend, who also connected me to this group of.. enthusiasts. All of them have been cut out by now. I am genuinely glad I am having this experience, and have been very lucky to leave with no consequences to my health, except on the emotional level.
Posted by scorpx3Yeah... a person has to be ready to recover for themselves.Posted by Impulsv...but, if they turn to you for help, how does being absent make anything more effective? I think it's the worst possible thing when a hospital or facility lets a patient go when the patient very clearly states they're not ready. Yet...by all that I'm reading here and by what I've witnessed at certain facilities, what I gather is...they just have to be ready on their own ?? That doesn't even make sense.
Prepare to bail them
Out of jail. Prepare to get a call they od, prepare when high the cheated on u with someone. Prepare they stole to obtain money for drugs, prepare they can't keep A job. Prepare to find that needle in ur home. Prepare for cops to show up n turn ur home over a search.click to expand
If someone is ready to stop, though, rehab isn't even necessary--
there are tons of 12 step programs that meet independently, where
people find recovery.
THAT is how you could help.... pointing them in the right direction.
And a 30 day stay shouldn't have to turn into more when rehabs take
their clients to these meetings from the start.... they know what to do..
Supportive people, friends, significant others are invaluable, though--
a lot of addicts have burned just about every bridge they've ever had.
So what you're talking about *in the recovery process* is priceless.
Posted by enfant_terribleIt's sad but Enfant is correct, I just came out of a four and a half year relationship with an addict...Posted by scorpx3No.
Not entirely true... Why can't you help them break their addiction? Many of them need companions, someone to guide the way and heal that sense of loneliness...to make them better, and send them off into the world stronger. They seem to have deep rooted insecurities and fear. I imagine it to be an exhausting amount of effort, but a rewarding journey, to bring them out of that state...
The problem was there before you so any fixing's gotta come from him. And the whole 'savior' complex is an issue in itself, don't even get me started..
click to expand
It has nothing to do with you, or what you can do for them or the companionship and support you can offer.
Which is all great by the way
The journey is 100% theirs alone, unfortunately, in fact if you speak to people doing the steps or attending Narcs Anon or SAA or AA they really recommend that an addict avoid relationships in any romantic context...
because the personal workload is so great while they deal with their addictions and IN FACT being in a relationship with it's accompanying ups and downs- emotional highs and lows and responsibilities- can in fact jeopardize and or trigger a relapse and make it harder for the addict to learn to cope on their own.
Yeah, but that's just it.
Being selfless and supportive is 100% not going to help the addict.
It enables the addict, it creates an emotional crutch for the addict -which actually limits their capacity for recovery and can even exacerbate their emotional turmoil- because when they relapse, and despite going through rehab and sitting in half way however many times- they will relapse- they not only have to deal with the fallout of struggling with the substance abuse, but they feel guilty on your behalf and they fell responsible for your happiness.
The sacrifice you make becomes something hanging over their head and it doesn't help, believe me.
If you do and I highly recommend you do exactly what you want to do... please please join a support group, they have groups for people who have partners, parents and siblings in these situations and they are so helpful and supportive!
I myself attended several and my partner and I also attended couples therapy whilst he attended meetings specific to his addictions and of course he had two years in rehab and about one year in a halfway house... it's A LOT OF WORK and it can be worth it, but please take care of yourself first and lose the idea that some how you're going to make a difference by being there for them. Good luck lovely 🙂 @scorpx3
Being selfless and supportive is 100% not going to help the addict.
It enables the addict, it creates an emotional crutch for the addict -which actually limits their capacity for recovery and can even exacerbate their emotional turmoil- because when they relapse, and despite going through rehab and sitting in half way however many times- they will relapse- they not only have to deal with the fallout of struggling with the substance abuse, but they feel guilty on your behalf and they fell responsible for your happiness.
The sacrifice you make becomes something hanging over their head and it doesn't help, believe me.
If you do and I highly recommend you do exactly what you want to do... please please join a support group, they have groups for people who have partners, parents and siblings in these situations and they are so helpful and supportive!
I myself attended several and my partner and I also attended couples therapy whilst he attended meetings specific to his addictions and of course he had two years in rehab and about one year in a halfway house... it's A LOT OF WORK and it can be worth it, but please take care of yourself first and lose the idea that some how you're going to make a difference by being there for them. Good luck lovely 🙂 @scorpx3
Posted by RamOfPeaceI've only read the title and OP .....
Worst shit that has ever happened to me in a long time. Don't do it.
I think it's wrong to advise people not to do something, with only using one basis for argument .... how you felt and managed, is only relevant to you and your personal perspective.
I actually know a couple recovered abusers of both drugs and alcohol ..... so, if I were to tell everyone that it's a very rewarding experience to relate to an addict, that would be wrong of me to do, since it's exclusive to me.
I get what you mean, in that it was miserable for you ... but, you stated unequivocally how other people are GOING to view a situation, according to you.
to topic ......
I think it's quite a rewarding experience to be present and observe people who realize they're are sick with addiction ..... and recover to go on to healthy and productive lives.
The secret is in not having an expectation of them ... because life is harder to change for yourself when you've got a monkey on your back, especially one like heroin.
Healthy people don't treat unhealthy people well, when it comes to this sort of thing ...... and expect them to change for their sake, and get pissed when this person doesn't heal themselves for your sake.
it's very sad ....... for everyone involved.
Posted by P-AngelThat was more of a technicality situation, if anything, but the way others view it is entirely their responsebility. Thanks for the input though. Also, I work with substance abusers on an occasion, this is not a sibjective view.Posted by RamOfPeaceI've only read the title and OP .....
Worst shit that has ever happened to me in a long time. Don't do it.
I think it's wrong to advise people not to do something, with only using one basis for argument .... how you felt and managed, is only relevant to you and your personal perspective.
I actually know a couple recovered abusers of both drugs and alcohol ..... so, if I were to tell everyone that it's a very rewarding experience to relate to an addict, that would be wrong of me to do, since it's exclusive to me.
I get what you mean, in that it was miserable for you ... but, you stated unequivocally how other people are GOING to view a situation, according to you.click to expand
Posted by RamOfPeace
Worst shit that has ever happened to me in a long time. Don't do it.
that is the epitome of subjective.
Posted by RamOfPeace
Worst shit that has ever happened to me in a long time. Don't do it.
You didn't describe anything ... you made a commandment, based off of your subjective view, without any details.
yes, people will have their perspective .. are you so dumb that you don't realize that I am people, and this is my perspective that I spoke to you about?
that's like a person saying they don't like carrots and your response to them is to say: they are carrots
Again, my perspective is that you came in here and commanded people what to do, based off of your subjective view, which most people refer to as "projecting" .....
if you truly do work in this field, then why not describe what is so horrible about it, rather than command people, "Don't do it"
Because personally, I have people who are recovered addicts, and beautiful people
Posted by P-AngelListen Angeline, you can also go and fuck off. As far as I am concerned, you ASSUMED that one of the dxp users was abusing their child, with no OBJECTIVE data to back it up. And I will keep reminding you of it every time you decide to sparkle some of your shallow wit in response to any of my posts. This is second time in 3 months, as if you have nothing better to do with your life. Tsk.Posted by RamOfPeace
Worst shit that has ever happened to me in a long time. Don't do it.
You didn't describe anything ... you made a commandment, based off of your subjective view, without any details.
yes, people will have their perspective .. are you so dumb that you don't realize that I am people, and this is my perspective that I spoke to you about?
that's like a person saying they don't like carrots and your response to them is to say: they are carrots
Again, my perspective is that you came in here and commanded people what to do, based off of your subjective view, which most people refer to as "projecting" .....
if you truly do work in this field, then why not describe what is so horrible about it, rather than command people, "Don't do it"
Because personally, I have people who are recovered addicts, and beautiful peopleclick to expand
not mother teresa enough to be a savior in this life. addiction free myself that i can do.
Addicts deserve fellow addicts cause you will die crazy
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