I belong to burner my local community, most people in it view polyamory for what it is, rather than dub mere swinging as polyamory. I have been very happy with my life lately, and I have my partner and friends to thank!
Would you date someone you just don't see yourself getting married to? (Page 3)
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Posted by LadyPootsAlotThank you.Posted by whatisthisallaboutI'm sorry your mom was verbally and emotionally abusive. 😢 I was lucky to have a very nurturing mother, my saving grace. I had other traumas that made me hate my body and made me afraid of sex. I don't want to talk about them. 😉Posted by LadyPootsAlotWhy didn't you have self-esteem as a child? Was it related to your family environment or it just came out of nowhere?Posted by whatisthisallaboutWell, maybe that's it then. I had no self-esteem as a child. I used to sit in front of the mirror and tell myself how ugly I was over and over. People can tell me I'm beautiful, but I don't believe it. There's nothing good about being outwardly attractive to the random world anyway. All it does it make you more vulnerable to people looking for victims, because you stand out. I'm relieved when they are women around who are obviously better-looking than me. They take the heat.Posted by LadyPootsAlotI see. I observed this with the sag friend and also a virgo friend. Both are very attractive and have a good career and are used to guys falling head over heels for them. It's very hard for them when they met their first guy who didn't reciprocate or not wanted the same things... The insecurity only came after the guy didn't give them what they want... Also my sag friend was the only child and she was raised to believe that she's the best by her parents...Posted by whatisthisallaboutI don't know any women who are that confident in their looks. I'm certainly not.Posted by LadyPootsAlotI am a woman but I have witnessed the tragedies caused by the misconception that as long as you are attractive enough, you can get everything you want in life... It is very sad because most of these women were so confident that they were gonna get the man to committ. after that didnt happen, they wonder if they were not hot enough or there's something wrong with them, etc. I'd be suprised if you don't know anyone like that in person.Posted by whatisthisallaboutSooo, you're not a woman, then. You're a man trying to make some kind of point?Posted by piscesmoon2I think the predominant culture taught women that as long as they are hot they can get anything they want... even though it is not the complete truth... Just look at all the looksmaxing threads on dxp and all DJ's threads 😆Posted by whatisthisallaboutPosted by piscesmoon2I guess he envisions that if he makes enough money he can support multiple families and he is confident that he will be "fair" to each of his families so to speak... I don't necessarily like the way he thinks but I give credits to him for his honesty. I can see that many men who work really hard because they believe that once they are rich, they can have as many hot women as they want... I think this type of thought is especially prevelant among guys who are less physically attactive and have had a hard time getting girls' attention growing up...Posted by whatisthisallaboutPosted by piscesmoon2I think my sister's husband is the kind of guy who is very ambitous and goal-directed and believes that if he ever builds a kingdom in his career, he deserves to have the most beautiful women by his side... I think he does love my sister just as much as she loves him, but he has this kind of mentality of having more than one woman to match up his financial success... you know back in the days, rich men always have multiple women. I think that's what he sees himself.Posted by whatisthisallaboutPosted by imbatgirl14I can see that. I can see that boys who are married to good girls may find some badass women at work inresistable if they have never experienced this kind of women. Actually, that's my sister's ultimate fear. My sister has had a few bfs but she has only been intimate with one man, that is her husband. She's always worried that her husband might get bored one day and fall in love with someone who's her complete opposite. I mean, she is confident that he wouldn't leave her for another girl like her, but she's worried when there's someone just so different who just shows up in his life and relights his fire that sort of things.Posted by whatisthisallaboutI heard a man once say, you need to get it out of your system before you marry, so you won't end up doing it while you're married.Posted by ScorpGDo you have a particular reason other than not wanting to waste time?
Very nice threat! I wouldn't...
I think some of my guy friends they want to date a "red rose" (someone wild and crazy) but marry a "white rose" (someone who's gonna be a good mom for their children).
It depends on the quality of guy... if it is it love then many men cheat or leave a woman as they start to get older. However many woman just want a safe guy to pay for the expenses of raising kids or when they are younger a sugar daddy.
So these days men don't feel that special as woman just often looking for the guy to pay there bills ounces they had the fun with impractical bad boys or guys that spend all there time focusing on the gym or social networking rather then saving money or building a career.
Piscesmoon
Sounds like a dirt bag to me... it is not that we are not all made special but when we think we are to special for everyone else. So he is building his career to make money for him more the provide for a family. Again men these days say why settle down woman just want to be taken care off...
For me personally I have a hard time now these days as I could date or do things but everyone seems so fake. Always motivated by anything but love.
Piscesmoon
Just because a woman is good looking does not mean I would personally want to be with them... beside they are kinda being owned or bought at this point.
Piscesmoon
This place is full of spies and traps.
The only guys I ever dumped were those I went on one date with and knew I wasn't interested in, because I didn't want to hurt them by leading them on. All of the ones I loved dumped me. Whether I was pretty or not didn't matter one damn bit.
My mom is very verbally and emotionally abusive so that has negatively impacted my self-esteem growing up, but I feel ok now that I have moved away from home for over 10 years.
Sorry to hear that the ones you loved left you.click to expand
I am still afraid of people around my parents' age till this date...
You are very lucky to have a nurturing mom 🙂
Posted by imbatgirl14Hahah. understandablePosted by whatisthisallaboutAny person who truly loves their partner would.Posted by imbatgirl14I hope it will never happen. I know my sister will be crushed, completely crushed.Posted by whatisthisallaboutTemptation is always around the corner. It takes a remarkable and strong man to overcome temptation. If he does succumb to it, then that only means he didn't deserve her.Posted by imbatgirl14I can see that. I can see that boys who are married to good girls may find some badass women at work inresistable if they have never experienced this kind of women. Actually, that's my sister's ultimate fear. My sister has had a few bfs but she has only been intimate with one man, that is her husband. She's always worried that her husband might get bored one day and fall in love with someone who's her complete opposite. I mean, she is confident that he wouldn't leave her for another girl like her, but she's worried when there's someone just so different who just shows up in his life and relights his fire that sort of things.Posted by whatisthisallaboutI heard a man once say, you need to get it out of your system before you marry, so you won't end up doing it while you're married.Posted by ScorpGDo you have a particular reason other than not wanting to waste time?
Very nice threat! I wouldn't...
I think some of my guy friends they want to date a "red rose" (someone wild and crazy) but marry a "white rose" (someone who's gonna be a good mom for their children).
But men, for the most part, will always be drawn to a wild side of a woman.
A lady in the streets,
But a freak in the sheets.click to expand
Posted by imbatgirl14Are you cap sun or cap venus? 😕Posted by whatisthisallaboutI realized that relationships are hindering to my career and my goals. Unless I accomplish those goals then I do not wish to dedicate myself in a relationship, unless he's ok with coming in second.Posted by imbatgirl14Nice! I think I may become you in a few years.Posted by whatisthisallaboutNo. I dedicate myself to my work. My work and my hobbies are my life. Sex life is non existent unless you include artificial, then yes. I do that on occasion.Posted by imbatgirl14So...do you see anyone at all or you just focus on yourself?
I don't have time for dating.
I have friends who don't have time to date but they do have fwb on the side that they see once in a while...
I think I will be happier once I have made that decision to dedicate myself to my career and hobbies. I always feel I have contorl over only things I do. Whenever there's another person invovled, there's uncertainty and the uncertainy stresses me out.click to expand
I find caps are very career oriented.
Posted by ChuckcemI see. Now I am curious what signs do you typically date? :pPosted by whatisthisallaboutNo, I always find Taurus women either a bit too stubborn or not intellectually stimulating enough for me...or both. I have female Taurus friends who I think are great. They are fun folk, but never met one who pressed all of my buttons.Posted by ChuckcemDo you often end up dating Taurus girls? I think they have a lot of patience. My sister is married to a Taurus 🙂Posted by whatisthisallaboutYeah I tend to take my time, which can be confusing to the other person. I generally do this to weed out women who may have low self esteem or are emotionally hampered in some way. I'm not cold though and am generally charming/flirtatious. I never chase, but I'll always initiate contact to set up more dates.Posted by ChuckcemI always think it is better to have high standards. It is even better that you hold yourself to the same standards. I think that makes it a fair relationship.Posted by whatisthisallaboutHahah the funny thing is I don't really see it as being picky, just holding everyone to the standard I hold myself. I've been told I'm extremely stable and that's basically what I look for in another person.Posted by ChuckcemYour approach is very similar to my younger sister!Posted by whatisthisallaboutI'm not a serial dater, and actually fairly picky. I only date women I'd like to have in my life for a considerable amount of time. This has it's major upsides and downsides of course. The upside is a stronger connection (and no bad dates really). The downside is that it's a punch to the gut if things ended poorly with that person.Posted by ChuckcemHave you fallen for girls you don't want to marry?
Not really, wouldn't be fair to the other person if I never planned to get serious with them. It would only work if both people were fine with keeping things casual.
Or do you only give your heart to those that you can see a lifelong potential with? 😕
I feel it is so tricky because sometimes we may be attracted to people who are so different from ourselves and we know our personalities clash, but the attraction is still there...
She is also a Leo and is extremely picky. She is happily married with 2 kids now 🙂
BTW, do you observe a person for a long time to make sure that she's gonna make a stable partner?
It's a weird mix of Leo and Virgo energy with a Capricorn Mars thrown in the mix. The Leo side is sunny and charming while the Virgo side is quiet and calculating. Once I'm interested I take bigger and bigger risks with my heart. My nature is always calm/collected and it takes a lot to ruffle my feathers. So I a very patient person and have no problem observing.click to expand
Posted by LadyNeptuneThanks for sharing. So do you just look at if there's longterm potential or a stable relationship with the person?
Not interested in marriage. But I wouldn't stay with someone if I didn't see a future.
Posted by rabidtalkerSounds like you keep an open mind until you know or somewhat know that it probably won't last?Posted by whatisthisallaboutBoth. I would be open about what I want and where the person stands in regards to marriage. If I am at the point where I am not sure then that is what I will say. If it goes on for a while where I am not reaching a point where I'll know I will assume it is not at that point and wont ever be and I will end the relationship.
I mean, there are some people who you love/can love, and you see them as bf/gf material, but on the back of your mind, you know he/she is NOT the one (e.g. you see yourself dating this person for longterm, or even living togther, but your gut tells you that you don't want to/will not marry this person.), what would you do?
Would you still date the person or you would just keep looking because you don't want to waste his/her time (especially neither of you have been married)? Thoughts?
click to expand
Posted by whatisthisallaboutDue to my placements, I'm a little all over the board. I've been in relationships with a Leo, Scorpio, and a Sagittarius. Scorpio was the longest of the three. I guess technically I was in a relationship with a Gemini, but that was more of a fluke in my mind and didn't last long. I've dated Capricorn, Libra, and Aquarius. Out of all of them I still communicate with the Leo sparingly and I'm on cordial terms wit the Libra (because...Libras). I'm also still connected with all of them on social media except for the Scorpio and the Capricorn. I tend to attract more air signs or air moons as far as I can tell.Posted by ChuckcemI see. Now I am curious what signs do you typically date? :pPosted by whatisthisallaboutNo, I always find Taurus women either a bit too stubborn or not intellectually stimulating enough for me...or both. I have female Taurus friends who I think are great. They are fun folk, but never met one who pressed all of my buttons.Posted by ChuckcemDo you often end up dating Taurus girls? I think they have a lot of patience. My sister is married to a Taurus 🙂Posted by whatisthisallaboutYeah I tend to take my time, which can be confusing to the other person. I generally do this to weed out women who may have low self esteem or are emotionally hampered in some way. I'm not cold though and am generally charming/flirtatious. I never chase, but I'll always initiate contact to set up more dates.Posted by ChuckcemI always think it is better to have high standards. It is even better that you hold yourself to the same standards. I think that makes it a fair relationship.Posted by whatisthisallaboutHahah the funny thing is I don't really see it as being picky, just holding everyone to the standard I hold myself. I've been told I'm extremely stable and that's basically what I look for in another person.Posted by ChuckcemYour approach is very similar to my younger sister!Posted by whatisthisallaboutI'm not a serial dater, and actually fairly picky. I only date women I'd like to have in my life for a considerable amount of time. This has it's major upsides and downsides of course. The upside is a stronger connection (and no bad dates really). The downside is that it's a punch to the gut if things ended poorly with that person.Posted by ChuckcemHave you fallen for girls you don't want to marry?
Not really, wouldn't be fair to the other person if I never planned to get serious with them. It would only work if both people were fine with keeping things casual.
Or do you only give your heart to those that you can see a lifelong potential with? 😕
I feel it is so tricky because sometimes we may be attracted to people who are so different from ourselves and we know our personalities clash, but the attraction is still there...
She is also a Leo and is extremely picky. She is happily married with 2 kids now 🙂
BTW, do you observe a person for a long time to make sure that she's gonna make a stable partner?
It's a weird mix of Leo and Virgo energy with a Capricorn Mars thrown in the mix. The Leo side is sunny and charming while the Virgo side is quiet and calculating. Once I'm interested I take bigger and bigger risks with my heart. My nature is always calm/collected and it takes a lot to ruffle my feathers. So I a very patient person and have no problem observing.click to expand
Posted by imbatgirl14Hahaha. That's OK.Posted by whatisthisallaboutA hero never reveals her true identity, or pieces of information that can lead to her alter ego.Posted by imbatgirl14Are you cap sun or cap venus? 😕Posted by whatisthisallaboutI realized that relationships are hindering to my career and my goals. Unless I accomplish those goals then I do not wish to dedicate myself in a relationship, unless he's ok with coming in second.Posted by imbatgirl14Nice! I think I may become you in a few years.Posted by whatisthisallaboutNo. I dedicate myself to my work. My work and my hobbies are my life. Sex life is non existent unless you include artificial, then yes. I do that on occasion.Posted by imbatgirl14So...do you see anyone at all or you just focus on yourself?
I don't have time for dating.
I have friends who don't have time to date but they do have fwb on the side that they see once in a while...
I think I will be happier once I have made that decision to dedicate myself to my career and hobbies. I always feel I have contorl over only things I do. Whenever there's another person invovled, there's uncertainty and the uncertainy stresses me out.
I find caps are very career oriented.click to expand
I am curious because the person I am interested in right now is also very career-oriented. Since both of us are very busy and have very different schedules, we need to make comprimises to make it work. I just realized yesterday that he's not going to make any comprimises... It is def a ego blow for me, but on the other hand, it is a nudge that I might as well just focus on my career.
Posted by ChuckcemSounds like a nice variety 🙂Posted by whatisthisallaboutDue to my placements, I'm a little all over the board. I've been in relationships with a Leo, Scorpio, and a Sagittarius. Scorpio was the longest of the three. I guess technically I was in a relationship with a Gemini, but that was more of a fluke in my mind and didn't last long. I've dated Capricorn, Libra, and Aquarius. Out of all of them I still communicate with the Leo sparingly and I'm on cordial terms wit the Libra (because...Libras). I'm also still connected with all of them on social media except for the Scorpio and the Capricorn. I tend to attract more air signs or air moons as far as I can tell.Posted by ChuckcemI see. Now I am curious what signs do you typically date? :pPosted by whatisthisallaboutNo, I always find Taurus women either a bit too stubborn or not intellectually stimulating enough for me...or both. I have female Taurus friends who I think are great. They are fun folk, but never met one who pressed all of my buttons.Posted by ChuckcemDo you often end up dating Taurus girls? I think they have a lot of patience. My sister is married to a Taurus 🙂Posted by whatisthisallaboutYeah I tend to take my time, which can be confusing to the other person. I generally do this to weed out women who may have low self esteem or are emotionally hampered in some way. I'm not cold though and am generally charming/flirtatious. I never chase, but I'll always initiate contact to set up more dates.Posted by ChuckcemI always think it is better to have high standards. It is even better that you hold yourself to the same standards. I think that makes it a fair relationship.Posted by whatisthisallaboutHahah the funny thing is I don't really see it as being picky, just holding everyone to the standard I hold myself. I've been told I'm extremely stable and that's basically what I look for in another person.Posted by ChuckcemYour approach is very similar to my younger sister!Posted by whatisthisallaboutI'm not a serial dater, and actually fairly picky. I only date women I'd like to have in my life for a considerable amount of time. This has it's major upsides and downsides of course. The upside is a stronger connection (and no bad dates really). The downside is that it's a punch to the gut if things ended poorly with that person.Posted by ChuckcemHave you fallen for girls you don't want to marry?
Not really, wouldn't be fair to the other person if I never planned to get serious with them. It would only work if both people were fine with keeping things casual.
Or do you only give your heart to those that you can see a lifelong potential with? 😕
I feel it is so tricky because sometimes we may be attracted to people who are so different from ourselves and we know our personalities clash, but the attraction is still there...
She is also a Leo and is extremely picky. She is happily married with 2 kids now 🙂
BTW, do you observe a person for a long time to make sure that she's gonna make a stable partner?
It's a weird mix of Leo and Virgo energy with a Capricorn Mars thrown in the mix. The Leo side is sunny and charming while the Virgo side is quiet and calculating. Once I'm interested I take bigger and bigger risks with my heart. My nature is always calm/collected and it takes a lot to ruffle my feathers. So I a very patient person and have no problem observing.click to expand
Posted by imbatgirl14He is cap venus so basically he puts career before love. Also, he shows love in a material way...Posted by whatisthisallaboutIm guessing hes Capricorn, Virgo, or Scorpio?Posted by imbatgirl14Hahaha. That's OK.Posted by whatisthisallaboutA hero never reveals her true identity, or pieces of information that can lead to her alter ego.Posted by imbatgirl14Are you cap sun or cap venus? 😕Posted by whatisthisallaboutI realized that relationships are hindering to my career and my goals. Unless I accomplish those goals then I do not wish to dedicate myself in a relationship, unless he's ok with coming in second.Posted by imbatgirl14Nice! I think I may become you in a few years.Posted by whatisthisallaboutNo. I dedicate myself to my work. My work and my hobbies are my life. Sex life is non existent unless you include artificial, then yes. I do that on occasion.Posted by imbatgirl14So...do you see anyone at all or you just focus on yourself?
I don't have time for dating.
I have friends who don't have time to date but they do have fwb on the side that they see once in a while...
I think I will be happier once I have made that decision to dedicate myself to my career and hobbies. I always feel I have contorl over only things I do. Whenever there's another person invovled, there's uncertainty and the uncertainy stresses me out.
I find caps are very career oriented.
I am curious because the person I am interested in right now is also very career-oriented. Since both of us are very busy and have very different schedules, we need to make comprimises to make it work. I just realized yesterday that he's not going to make any comprimises... It is def a ego blow for me, but on the other hand, it is a nudge that I might as well just focus on my career.
If that's the case yes. No compromise when it comes to their personal advacement.click to expand
I think everyone he met before ended up leaving him because of that. He's pretty jaded now.
I think I am old enough to not have the delusion that I can change him. I am in my 30s now but if I met him in my early 20s, I prob would have tried very hard to make it work since hard working people do have a lot to offer.
I am a scorpio and there's periods of time in my life, it is all work and school and I only date guys who'd fit in to my schedule (the bad news is that usually guys whose schedule are that flexible tend to be losers).
I actually have some compassion for this guy because I can be the same way.
But it still sucks to be on the receiving end lol
Maybe the universe just wants me to have a taste of my own medicine 😄
BTW, I also have a thing for Virgo men... again, I am attracted to hard working people but the affection is usually not reciprocated.
Posted by Pisces1803I'm much younger than 50, but even now I dislike the term 'boyfriend and girlfriend". If I'm in a committed relationship they are my partner and that is how I introduce them.
I use to think it was okay until I got older, now I'm craving the respectability and stability and the title.. do you think it's weird say you're in your 50's or 60's dating and introducing the guy to your family/friends/outsider as your boyfriend? lolol 😄
I don't think there's anything wrong with dating someone when you know they aren't your 'forever' (Whether forever includes an official marriage ceremony or not) as long as the other person is aware too. We have lessons to learn from every connection we make. However, it would be terrible to date someone who thought you would be their future because of a lack of communication.
Posted by PiscoAre you saying you can be flexible depending on the circumstances (e.g. sometimes you only date people you see a future with but not always)?
I think the desire is marriage, but more often than not, that isn't the case.
Posted by EmshellesWhen I talked to some psychic online, they offered some similar insights. There's one paricualr psychic told me that we are in this world to experience all forms of love and it is not just about finding the one.Posted by Pisces1803I'm much younger than 50, but even now I dislike the term 'boyfriend and girlfriend". If I'm in a committed relationship they are my partner and that is how I introduce them.
I use to think it was okay until I got older, now I'm craving the respectability and stability and the title.. do you think it's weird say you're in your 50's or 60's dating and introducing the guy to your family/friends/outsider as your boyfriend? lolol 😄
I don't think there's anything wrong with dating someone when you know they aren't your 'forever' (Whether forever includes an official marriage ceremony or not) as long as the other person is aware too. We have lessons to learn from every connection we make. However, it would be terrible to date someone who thought you would be their future because of a lack of communication.click to expand
I do still hope that I will meet a life long partner but maybe it is not realistic enough either. well, I guess I want a partner that I can build something solid and stable with. I feel most happy when I have that. But if not, I like to just be by myself. The worst is when I date someone unstable, inconsistent, and brings in lots of drama--usually that's the dark periods of my life.
Posted by PiscoThanks for the clarification.Posted by whatisthisallaboutI always date people I would want a future with. That being said, Ive only seriously dated two men in my life. What I mean by what I said is, though I desire a future, it just didn't work out.Posted by PiscoAre you saying you can be flexible depending on the circumstances (e.g. sometimes you only date people you see a future with but not always)?
I think the desire is marriage, but more often than not, that isn't the case.click to expand
I think I am becoming that way too, mostly because I am older now. When I was younger I was more curious about how it'd be like to date different people so I'd give people a chance even if I was not super into the person or not sure about the person.
I only want to invest my time and energy in someone I see a future with now... I have been having this mind set for the past 7-8 years actually. I met a few guys I thought I could have a future with but too bad it didn't work out in the end...
I have been very serious about only dating people I can have a future with for the past 7-8 years, but it didn't work out. I prob will become either 100% career-focused or just go with the flow in a few years...
Posted by imbatgirl14Thank you!Posted by whatisthisallaboutNot necessarily true. Scorpios although independent, are actually very needy in relationships, especially the women. Snake type Scorpios (before their first transformation), are demanding needy and temperamental. Lashing out that stinger at any given opportunity. The eagle type Scorpios (second transformation), are more free, understanding but still jealous and controlling, with the occasional sting now and then. The Phoenix (third and last transformation, also the most rare) Scorpio are the type that have come to terms with the fact that no one else will ever match that intensity, except another Scorpio. Their more free, loving, accepting of their faults, and hardly ever use their sting and walk away instead of using it on their loved ones. But unfortunately almost all Scorpios never make it past the eagle stage. Very few actually transform into the Phoenix because they succumb to that dark part of their personalities.Posted by imbatgirl14He is cap venus so basically he puts career before love. Also, he shows love in a material way...Posted by whatisthisallaboutIm guessing hes Capricorn, Virgo, or Scorpio?Posted by imbatgirl14Hahaha. That's OK.Posted by whatisthisallaboutA hero never reveals her true identity, or pieces of information that can lead to her alter ego.Posted by imbatgirl14Are you cap sun or cap venus? 😕Posted by whatisthisallaboutI realized that relationships are hindering to my career and my goals. Unless I accomplish those goals then I do not wish to dedicate myself in a relationship, unless he's ok with coming in second.Posted by imbatgirl14Nice! I think I may become you in a few years.Posted by whatisthisallaboutNo. I dedicate myself to my work. My work and my hobbies are my life. Sex life is non existent unless you include artificial, then yes. I do that on occasion.Posted by imbatgirl14So...do you see anyone at all or you just focus on yourself?
I don't have time for dating.
I have friends who don't have time to date but they do have fwb on the side that they see once in a while...
I think I will be happier once I have made that decision to dedicate myself to my career and hobbies. I always feel I have contorl over only things I do. Whenever there's another person invovled, there's uncertainty and the uncertainy stresses me out.
I find caps are very career oriented.
I am curious because the person I am interested in right now is also very career-oriented. Since both of us are very busy and have very different schedules, we need to make comprimises to make it work. I just realized yesterday that he's not going to make any comprimises... It is def a ego blow for me, but on the other hand, it is a nudge that I might as well just focus on my career.
If that's the case yes. No compromise when it comes to their personal advacement.
I think everyone he met before ended up leaving him because of that. He's pretty jaded now.
I think I am old enough to not have the delusion that I can change him. I am in my 30s now but if I met him in my early 20s, I prob would have tried very hard to make it work since hard working people do have a lot to offer.
I am a scorpio and there's periods of time in my life, it is all work and school and I only date guys who'd fit in to my schedule (the bad news is that usually guys whose schedule are that flexible tend to be losers).
I actually have some compassion for this guy because I can be the same way.
But it still sucks to be on the receiving end lol
Maybe the universe just wants me to have a taste of my own medicine 😄
BTW, I also have a thing for Virgo men... again, I am attracted to hard working people but the affection is usually not reciprocated.
It's a blessing and a curse to be the way you are. I'm sure you are amazing in everything else, except relationships. You have high standards which is gine, but which ones are unrealistic? Scorpios, Aquarius, Virgos, and Leos have unrealistic standards in a partner. Hence why many jump from relationship or remain single.
Be objective in your pursuits. No one will ever be perfect 100% . Think about what is very important for you, a career oriented man or a stable and flexible man? If you choose career then you will have to sacrifice love. If you choose love then you will have to sacrifice career. In a perfect world, we'd have everything we want, but it's not and you will not. Immature Scorpios will not settle for anything less being unrealistic to life. Hoping around from man to man hoping to find that 'perfect mate'. When you realize that thought is unrealistic, you will learn to let go some of that control and find true happiness.
Best of luck!click to expand
Oh yes, I def had been that gal hoping from men to men to find my perfect match but still here I am wondering.
This is very helpful advice. I guess as a scorpio woman, people at work/school see me as very competent but when it comes to love I am just a total hot mess lol
I hope I will gain my clarity and find peace in myself soon 🙂 Thank you!
Yes I'd love To get married but I'm also okay if I don't get married. Lol I know it doesn't take much sense. I have come to terms with the fact that it may not happen for me.
I dont date to just "date" I am a Relationship girl with a goal to that relationship. Hence why I go long periods single. I have only had a few guys I have been with..
As for would I keep dating if I saw no future with them... No. It's not fair to them. Why am I going to be selfish and tie someone to me for long term just to have someone by my side... Cause unless there is a Future that is all I would be doing.
Time means a lot to others, so don't waste it.
God I hope that makes sense.
I dont date to just "date" I am a Relationship girl with a goal to that relationship. Hence why I go long periods single. I have only had a few guys I have been with..
As for would I keep dating if I saw no future with them... No. It's not fair to them. Why am I going to be selfish and tie someone to me for long term just to have someone by my side... Cause unless there is a Future that is all I would be doing.
Time means a lot to others, so don't waste it.
God I hope that makes sense.
Posted by justagirlI can relate to the part of wanting to get married someday but also being ok without. I feel this way at this point of my life. I haven't lost hope completely but I begin to think that maybe I am just not cut out for marriage.
Yes I'd love To get married but I'm also okay if I don't get married. Lol I know it doesn't take much sense. I have come to terms with the fact that it may not happen for me.
I dont date to just "date" I am a Relationship girl with a goal to that relationship. Hence why I go long periods single. I have only had a few guys I have been with..
As for would I keep dating if I saw no future with them... No. It's not fair to them. Why am I going to be selfish and tie someone to me for long term just to have someone by my side... Cause unless there is a Future that is all I would be doing.
Time means a lot to others, so don't waste it.
God I hope that makes sense.
I agree that it's selfish if I see no future with the person but continue to date him. I usually break up with the person as soon as I realize there's no future (sometimes it can be due to different life style s, value systems, or even just view on sex)... on the other hand, sometimes I do wonder if I gave up too easily...
Posted by whatisthisallaboutAren't those two things one and the same? If I don't see long term then I won't pursue anything further with said person.Posted by LadyNeptuneThanks for sharing. So do you just look at if there's longterm potential or a stable relationship with the person?
Not interested in marriage. But I wouldn't stay with someone if I didn't see a future.click to expand
Posted by LadyPootsAlotI've seen it done whichever way, successfully and unsuccessfully. I mean at the end of the day its another relationship model, and all relationships require work and maintenance. Also, keeping in mind that change is the only true constant, you feel more at ease about the fact that all relationships are finite.Posted by RamOfPeaceThe Burner people are the polyamorous crowd I know too. I do know of one couple who seem to do this in a way that suits them both and makes them happy, now that I think about it. But then I've seen allll of these others where someone was giving in to someone else's demands when they really didn't want to.Posted by LadyPootsAlotI belong to burner my local community, most people in it view polyamory for what it is, rather than dub mere swinging as polyamory. I have been very happy with my life lately, and I have my partner and friends to thank!Posted by RamOfPeaceHave you actually been able to find happiness this way? I know it's not for me personally. I'm not built that way, but I don't judge how other people live their lives so long as no one is abusing anyone else. I have a lot of friends who are part of the polyamorous community, and what I've seen is there is usually one person who wants it, a devoted partner who doesn't really want it but goes along with it to keep the partner who wants it, and a string of weirdos who the partner who likes sleeping around brings to parties and treats like royalty while the loyal person gets really drunk and pretends everything is okay. I've seen it mostly with a man being the one who wants it, but I do know one couple where the woman drives it.Posted by whatisthisallaboutStarvation economy, the fear that if we share somethig with somebody else that they may get more, is what drives fear and jealousy in most. We're taught that since young age by our parents and society and it sucks.Posted by RamOfPeaceThanks for sharing. The older I am the more I am aware that there's no one person who can fulfill all my needs. It's hard though because usually the guys I am dating get really jealous or upset about me talking to my guy friends. But the thing is, there's something they cannot fill so I still need my guy friends. I am not sure I am ready for polygamy, but maybe one day I will decide that it's the best for me.Posted by whatisthisallaboutIf I were still practicing monogamy - probably not. Thankfully, I've had my first marriage early in life, which in turn brought in realization that meaningful unions needn't be bound on paper/in church for anything, including childrearing, except maybe taxes and property ownership.
I mean, there are some people who you love/can love, and you see them as bf/gf material, but on the back of your mind, you know he/she is NOT the one (e.g. you see yourself dating this person for longterm, or even living togther, but your gut tells you that you don't want to/will not marry this person.), what would you do?
Would you still date the person or you would just keep looking because you don't want to waste his/her time (especially neither of you have been married)? Thoughts?
Also knowing that you cannot put all eggs in the same basket (rephrased as "no person in the world can ever fullfill your every need") helps.
People who can oversee this, practice love in abuncance and there's always plenty of love and affection to go around. Even if the thoughts like "my partner's other partner may be better than me, so I will be abandoned/overlooked" are debilitating.
I'm glad you're happy! However you can find that happiness is a blessing from...something. 🙂click to expand
Also, giving into somebody else's demands when you really don't want to is called weak boundaries. Which is present in most mono and poly people who haven't learned that having healthy boundaries is one of the essential components of a healthy relationship.
Marriage isn't the only goal to have while in a relationship with someone. I don't like how society puts such pressure on people to get married, like why can't I just enjoy the other person and what we have in the moment? Why do I need to put a ring on it to validate it? It's silly to me.
My Gem and I have been together 6 years. Long term. No kids, we have a fur-baby though - a cat. Moved in together within the first 3 months and haven't looked back. Had some bumps along the way but who doesn't. We've talked about marriage - we both come from broken homes so we don't see the need to "make it official". Seems to work for us thus far.
My Gem and I have been together 6 years. Long term. No kids, we have a fur-baby though - a cat. Moved in together within the first 3 months and haven't looked back. Had some bumps along the way but who doesn't. We've talked about marriage - we both come from broken homes so we don't see the need to "make it official". Seems to work for us thus far.
I've dated for fun & for serious .. at this point in my life I'm dating for serious cuz I want to be married one day
Posted by LadyNeptuneThat's what I thought.Posted by whatisthisallaboutAren't those two things one and the same? If I don't see long term then I won't pursue anything further with said person.Posted by LadyNeptuneThanks for sharing. So do you just look at if there's longterm potential or a stable relationship with the person?
Not interested in marriage. But I wouldn't stay with someone if I didn't see a future.click to expand
I know some people they just want to have a good time, but I personally don't want to be involved with anyone unless I see some longterm potential.
Posted by RamOfPeaceIt is very hard to maintain healthy boundaries in any kind of relationships for sure.
Also, giving into somebody else's demands when you really don't want to is called weak boundaries. Which is present in most mono and poly people who haven't learned that having healthy boundaries is one of the essential components of a healthy relationship.
Posted by Gemoodeye2How do you decide whether you would date someone or not? I am curious. e.g. as long as you like each other?
Yes.
Posted by GetMistedDo you tell the girl up front? 😄Posted by whatisthisallaboutYes, because I have no desire to get married.
I mean, there are some people who you love/can love, and you see them as bf/gf material, but on the back of your mind, you know he/she is NOT the one (e.g. you see yourself dating this person for longterm, or even living togther, but your gut tells you that you don't want to/will not marry this person.), what would you do?
Would you still date the person or you would just keep looking because you don't want to waste his/her time (especially neither of you have been married)? Thoughts?
click to expand
Posted by DatariesgirlWhat is your sign?
No
Posted by saguyaI can see that. I guess I wouldn't mind going on a few dates here and there to just get to know the person a bit more, but yea, if I don't see them as relationship material I wouldn't want a relationship with the person.
Date.. yes
Relationship... nah
Posted by CuddleBug88It seems to me that as long as both people are on the same page, it is all good.
Marriage isn't the only goal to have while in a relationship with someone. I don't like how society puts such pressure on people to get married, like why can't I just enjoy the other person and what we have in the moment? Why do I need to put a ring on it to validate it? It's silly to me.
My Gem and I have been together 6 years. Long term. No kids, we have a fur-baby though - a cat. Moved in together within the first 3 months and haven't looked back. Had some bumps along the way but who doesn't. We've talked about marriage - we both come from broken homes so we don't see the need to "make it official". Seems to work for us thus far.
I think I just keep going back and forth in my own head regarding whether I want to get married or not. I think I'd date very different types of people based on whether I want marriage or not.
Posted by SofiaV87I noticed that I have gone throgh different phases. When I was really young and first began dating, I was very picky and serious about relationships, but after I had a few failed ones, I began to date for fun, but then when I hit my late 20s, I really wanted to get married and became very serious again... and now I am in my 30s, even if I am not sure if I want to get married or not, I don't want to waste time on people who don't want a relationship with me....
I've dated for fun & for serious .. at this point in my life I'm dating for serious cuz I want to be married one day
Posted by starwarsThat is a bit suprising. I thought Virgos are super picky and serious when it comes to dating and relationship, no? 😕
yep
Posted by PrincesslunaI feel that way too... but sometimes I cannot control who I fall for.
No, that's a massive waste of time, emotions, money and effort.
When I was younger, I wasted a lot of time and energy on people who really just wasted my time and energy...
Posted by whatisthisallaboutYea this pretty much describes myself .. the fun ones were def fun , no regrets! I've always lived my life in the present & that old saying u only live once rings true with me .. but I know i can have fun with a future hubby as well ??Posted by SofiaV87I noticed that I have gone throgh different phases. When I was really young and first began dating, I was very picky and serious about relationships, but after I had a few failed ones, I began to date for fun, but then when I hit my late 20s, I really wanted to get married and became very serious again... and now I am in my 30s, even if I am not sure if I want to get married or not, I don't want to waste time on people who don't want a relationship with me....
I've dated for fun & for serious .. at this point in my life I'm dating for serious cuz I want to be married one dayclick to expand
Posted by Gemoodeye2Thank you for the response. I have been in similar situations before.... I mean, there were people I saw a future with in the beginning, but after I got to know them better, I realized that it probably would not work out in the end, but still, I continued dating them for an extended period of time afterwards.Posted by whatisthisallaboutI've always thought my intention since my divorce was to date someone with eventual marriage in mind... but I find myself continuing to date them if I like them, even once I realize that might not be the case. I think that will change when I'm really ready to be a wife again.Posted by Gemoodeye2How do you decide whether you would date someone or not? I am curious. e.g. as long as you like each other?
Yes.
click to expand
Posted by SofiaV87"I know I can have fun with a future hubby as well" --> Woo, I like that! I think I should make a reminder of that for myself lolPosted by whatisthisallaboutYea this pretty much describes myself .. the fun ones were def fun , no regrets! I've always lived my life in the present & that old saying u only live once rings true with me .. but I know i can have fun with a future hubby as well ??Posted by SofiaV87I noticed that I have gone throgh different phases. When I was really young and first began dating, I was very picky and serious about relationships, but after I had a few failed ones, I began to date for fun, but then when I hit my late 20s, I really wanted to get married and became very serious again... and now I am in my 30s, even if I am not sure if I want to get married or not, I don't want to waste time on people who don't want a relationship with me....
I've dated for fun & for serious .. at this point in my life I'm dating for serious cuz I want to be married one day
click to expand
Of course.
Life is about experiences .. not ownership of the other person.
So, instead of counting quality of your time ...... it looks like a lot of people would rather sacrifice that quality to count time in possessing a title, or a piece of paper stating you have dibs on the other person.
Seems bizarre to me. Do people want to enjoy others? Or do they just want to have bragging rights in saying this person belongs to you?
I think a lot of people have completely missed the meaning of life.
Posted by starwarsI have similar porblems lolPosted by whatisthisallaboutI need someone that I can stand for 1 year straight lolPosted by starwarsThat is a bit suprising. I thought Virgos are super picky and serious when it comes to dating and relationship, no? 😕
yep
I don't think of getting married often nor am I wife material, same goes to the guys ive been with ??♀️click to expand
I am not a very tolerant person so most of my relationships don't last...
It doesn't take much for me to break up with someone since I have a very idealistic view of relationships...
#Libravenusproblem
Posted by FoxI can identify with your answers.
Would I date someone I don't see myself getting married to?
Yes.
Would I date someone I didn't see any future with?
Conflicted about this one because i can change my mind about a person a lot.
My gut would say no.
I change my mind about a person a lot and I change my mind about whether we can make it work a lot as well. I am not the most optimistic when it comes to making a relationship work since my parents have a horrible horrible marriage.
Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeYour answers make a lot of sense actually lol
yes i would, there are men i want to date and not marry, they're not from my culture.
and there's men who i never had a fwb with but i'd like too put them in that box
Posted by P-AngelI am not sure if you are aware that in some culture, marriage is a family thing not an individual thing. In my culture, it is expected that if you are married, you should Obey and take care of your in-laws and it is common for the in laws to live with their son and daughter in law. If I am just someone's gf, I am not expected to live with the guy's parents, which makes a huge difference. I don't need to tolerate anyone's family day-to-day bs if we are just dating. It is the "willingness" to put up with his whole family that counts.
Of course.
Life is about experiences .. not ownership of the other person.
So, instead of counting quality of your time ...... it looks like a lot of people would rather sacrifice that quality to count time in possessing a title, or a piece of paper stating you have dibs on the other person.
Seems bizarre to me. Do people want to enjoy others? Or do they just want to have bragging rights in saying this person belongs to you?
I think a lot of people have completely missed the meaning of life.
If I can see myself marry someone, it means that even if I have to live with his parents and if his parents are monsters/super mean to me Every Single Day, I am willing to put up with it. it is not just putting up with each other's family on holidays, it is every day of your life.
I don't know if I will get married or not, but I do think of marriage as a union of two families not just the union of two individuals. I always have a hard time dating someone that I know my parents won't approve because I know if we ever got married, he'd be put through hell, just like my mom has been doing for the past 10 years to my sister's husband. If I decide that I don't want to get married, then there's no such concern. But how if my partner wants to get married? Do I want to be with someone, who I don't see myself sacrifice my quality of life to fit in his family? Should I be selfish enough to say because your family suck even if you want to get married, I am not gonna marry you? I was proposed twice but I bailed on them so I know my fear of marriage is real. Even if I don't get married, at this point I still hope that I meet someone who I feel I can say yes if he wants to get married.
I use to when I was younger, definitely not anymore.
Posted by nikkistarHow do you decide if you are able to date a person? As long as you like him? 😕
I use to when I was younger, definitely not anymore.
Yeah l'd get as much sex as l could and then bail...
Posted by whatisthisallaboutI am not one prone to letting most people into my inner circle. I am usually hyper picky about it. I would say that eventually, I have an innate sense that we won't work out, and I will just stop dating them. I don't like wasting my time, since I view my time as valuable. If I don't feel it, I don't feel it.Posted by nikkistarHow do you decide if you are able to date a person? As long as you like him? 😕
I use to when I was younger, definitely not anymore.click to expand
Posted by nikkistarWhich inner circle?Posted by whatisthisallaboutI am not one prone to letting most people into my inner circle. I am usually hyper picky about it. I would say that eventually, I have an innate sense that we won't work out, and I will just stop dating them. I don't like wasting my time, since I view my time as valuable. If I don't feel it, I don't feel it.Posted by nikkistarHow do you decide if you are able to date a person? As long as you like him? 😕
I use to when I was younger, definitely not anymore.click to expand
Posted by whatisthisallaboutExactly. And that's not to say you bail at the first sign of incompatibility. But there comes a point where you realize that your core values don't align and it's time to say goodbye.Posted by LadyNeptuneThat's what I thought.Posted by whatisthisallaboutAren't those two things one and the same? If I don't see long term then I won't pursue anything further with said person.Posted by LadyNeptuneThanks for sharing. So do you just look at if there's longterm potential or a stable relationship with the person?
Not interested in marriage. But I wouldn't stay with someone if I didn't see a future.
I know some people they just want to have a good time, but I personally don't want to be involved with anyone unless I see some longterm potential.click to expand
Posted by whatisthisallaboutYup. Been there. Done that. But..I married him!?!
I mean, there are some people who you love/can love, and you see them as bf/gf material, but on the back of your mind, you know he/she is NOT the one (e.g. you see yourself dating this person for longterm, or even living togther, but your gut tells you that you don't want to/will not marry this person.), what would you do?
Would you still date the person or you would just keep looking because you don't want to waste his/her time (especially neither of you have been married)? Thoughts?
He is totally the opposite of everything I go for in
a guy. But as I thought he looked cute and had a positive vibe about him, I decided to date him - with NO intention of marrying him whatsoever. .
13 1/2 years later, a child and on our second home, I've realised that we've actually been wasting each others time sadly.
He is not right for me - I knew this from the start.
I am not right for him - He thought I was.
I thought I was too up to the point where he told me he wanted kids!
I didn't want them. I've also realised that had I been with the right man, I would have done.
Don't ask how I had a child. It's a long story.
And our relationship is very complicated. I've discussed it elsewhere on dxp.
You asked what you would do? If I could do it all again, I would listen to my gut telling me (back in summer 2012), that our relationship is wrong, he wants kids and I don't and I would set about hopefully finding someone who IS right for me.
Now..get this! Just as I was newly pregnant to my husband, my Mr Right - and everything I've ever wanted in a man - walked straight into my life! —?? And just a moment too late!
At the point i am in my life...i can clearly say...
No.
Been there...done that...
No.
Been there...done that...
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qnZHD_iB84s&gl=FR
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