Would you end a relationship if your SO insults you?

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Rainbow87
@Rainbow87
7 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 101 · Topics: 65
Hi

I just want your feedback in this situation. I love my boyfriend but lately when he gets mad he insults me. I believe we’re all human and we can say things we don’t mean out of anger. It’s ok if it happens once or twice but my SO is really offending me. I’m the type of person that thinks it’s stupid to let someone insult you and act as if nothing happened. My parents have insulted each other over and over and I always told myself I was not going to ever allow that or be like them.

The thing is that I know relationships can be complicated and no one is perfect. Would ending the relationship over this be too dramatic? I’m a Cancer so I’m sensitive and I take things personal. But I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if it’s wrong to stay when someone starts to insult you. I’m not perfect either but I don’t offend people unless they really provoke me.
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brianafay
@brianafay
19 Years25,000+ PostsSagittarius

Comments: 2454 · Posts: 30581 · Topics: 372
Posted by PVSoy
Posted by BlueStar

Depends on what they said and their intention.

This. I'm sensitive asf, so I try to take time to evaluate what the slight was before I react. However, if the insults are constantly belittling comments, that's a red flag. I draw the line at emotional abuse.
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Do you know how many times today I’ve read your posts thinking it was Ands and thought wtf is Ands on lately? 😂 wooo I was getting nervous.
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LadyNeptune
@LadyNeptune
10 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 11076 · Posts: 35718 · Topics: 110
Insults when mad hold a grain of truth/resentment from the other person.

So if we're not gonna address the source of the anger and why the go to reaction is insults then why stick around? I'm not here to be torn down.

Either we work on a healthier way of communication or we go our separate ways. Someone lashing out and using you as an emotional punching bag is not ok. Been there, done that.
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Rainbow87
@Rainbow87
7 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 101 · Topics: 65
Well, my boyfriend is Mexican so the insults were in Spanish and I understand because I’m Latina as well. While we were arguing he suddenly looked at me and said: “you’re a piece of shit”. And the most recent time he insulted me was when we were arguing about something insignificant and he said: “are you listening to me dumbass?” But he said it all in Spanish. But I think it’s pretty offensive.

It’s not fair because I treat him with respect even if I’m angry. I might yell but never insult
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twinkletoes
@twinkletoes
8 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 10 · Posts: 1549 · Topics: 55
Posted by Timone
Posted by Bklatt

Maybe its about the intent. Theres things to be said that insult far worse. Sometimes the truth hurts. Sometimes you can tell a woman the same thing as an insult but in nice words and they will take it.

It's all about the intent. I can say mean things too but as a joke.
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i sometimes play too hard, i can agree here.

but if it's serious then i think eventually one of you will probably end it
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exoskeleton_
@exoskeleton_
5 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 22 · Posts: 1511 · Topics: 17
Posted by Rainbow87

Well, my boyfriend is Mexican so the insults were in Spanish and I understand because I’m Latina as well. While we were arguing he suddenly looked at me and said: “you’re a piece of shit”. And the most recent time he insulted me was when we were arguing about something insignificant and he said: “are you listening to me dumbass?” But he said it all in Spanish. But I think it’s pretty offensive.

It’s not fair because I treat him with respect even if I’m angry. I might yell but never insult


burn it down.
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Baby Dastardly
@Dastard2020
5 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 550 · Posts: 1122 · Topics: 51
Posted by Rainbow87

Hi

I just want your feedback in this situation. I love my boyfriend but lately when he gets mad he insults me. I believe we’re all human and we can say things we don’t mean out of anger. It’s ok if it happens once or twice but my SO is really offending me. I’m the type of person that thinks it’s stupid to let someone insult you and act as if nothing happened. My parents have insulted each other over and over and I always told myself I was not going to ever allow that or be like them.

The thing is that I know relationships can be complicated and no one is perfect. Would ending the relationship over this be too dramatic? I’m a Cancer so I’m sensitive and I take things personal. But I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if it’s wrong to stay when someone starts to insult you. I’m not perfect either but I don’t offend people unless they really provoke me.


Ugh.
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DMV
@DMV
15 Years25,000+ PostsSagittarius

Comments: 294 · Posts: 28989 · Topics: 654
My ex Leo was white Italian and I’m black.

One day he made a comment and called my lips “n*gger lips.”

Yes, yes I would leave my partner if they insult me.

That’s how it begins with abusers. It’s temperature checking. Toddlers do it. It starts with verbal abuse and then psychological and then physical.

It’s true what they say, you teach people how to treat you.
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MyStarsShine
@MyStarsShine
9 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 37529 · Posts: 41243 · Topics: 331
Posted by DMV

My ex Leo was white Italian and I’m black.

One day he made a comment and called my lips “n*gger lips.”

Yes, yes I would leave my partner if they insult me.

That’s how it begins with abusers. It’s temperature checking. Toddlers do it. It starts with verbal abuse and then psychological and then physical.

It’s true what they say, you teach people how to treat you.


Horrible

My neighbour is with an Italian Leo man ... she tells me he rages and shouts at her and her sweet dog. The neighbour is one of the most sensitive people I ever knew .... Pisces sun/Taurus moon
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Soul
@Soul
10 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 2279 · Posts: 17009 · Topics: 110
Maybe not instantly, but my ego wouldn't be able to take that. At the same time if I truly feel I deserved it I would act upset, but accept it on a deep. I might secretly feel this, be completely open about it, or even be open about it way later down the road after the fact. It's really hard for me to say how I would feel. My Leo sun can't handle insults whatsoever, and my Scorpio moon does weird shit to my head. I can either end up passive and accepting, feel its kind of karmatic or even end up feeling masochistic, or if I already disrespect you I'll end up spiteful and vengeful. Sometimes I might think it's funny and throw one right back for fun. Insulting me is literally like rolling dice.
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DonnaLibra
@DonnaLibra
8 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 3 · Posts: 3164 · Topics: 7
Posted by Rainbow87

Well, my boyfriend is Mexican so the insults were in Spanish and I understand because I’m Latina as well. While we were arguing he suddenly looked at me and said: “you’re a piece of shit”. And the most recent time he insulted me was when we were arguing about something insignificant and he said: “are you listening to me dumbass?” But he said it all in Spanish. But I think it’s pretty offensive.

It’s not fair because I treat him with respect even if I’m angry. I might yell but never insult

How did he react when that cast iron skillet bounced off his forehead? Did he have a change of attitude?
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MyStarsShine
@MyStarsShine
9 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 37529 · Posts: 41243 · Topics: 331
Posted by alexscaries
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV

My ex Leo was white Italian and I’m black.

One day he made a comment and called my lips “n*gger lips.”

Yes, yes I would leave my partner if they insult me.

That’s how it begins with abusers. It’s temperature checking. Toddlers do it. It starts with verbal abuse and then psychological and then physical.

It’s true what they say, you teach people how to treat you.

Horrible

My neighbour is with an Italian Leo man ... she tells me he rages and shouts at her and her sweet dog. The neighbour is one of the most sensitive people I ever knew .... Pisces sun/Taurus moon

Maybe the dog did a whoopsie in his slippers.
click to expand



Hope so
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PhoenixRising
@PhoenixRising
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 19 · Posts: 19733 · Topics: 48
Posted by Rainbow87

Hi

I just want your feedback in this situation. I love my boyfriend but lately when he gets mad he insults me. I believe we’re all human and we can say things we don’t mean out of anger. It’s ok if it happens once or twice but my SO is really offending me. I’m the type of person that thinks it’s stupid to let someone insult you and act as if nothing happened. My parents have insulted each other over and over and I always told myself I was not going to ever allow that or be like them.

The thing is that I know relationships can be complicated and no one is perfect. Would ending the relationship over this be too dramatic? I’m a Cancer so I’m sensitive and I take things personal. But I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if it’s wrong to stay when someone starts to insult you. I’m not perfect either but I don’t offend people unless they really provoke me.

Okay, so this is where the questions about abuse is coming from....

"Sensitivity" has nothing to do with how you feel about being called a piece of sh*t and a "dumba**". Wanting to be treated with kindness and respect in a relationship, the bare minimum really is not asking for "perfection". Jesus, how low are we setting the bar?
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PhoenixRising
@PhoenixRising
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 19 · Posts: 19733 · Topics: 48
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV

Naw not buying if.

He was born in nyc

An asshole is an asshole

NYC men are arseholes?
click to expand


Not the point.

Can't use heritage and a "lack of exposure to black people" (aka "I'm European) to not know that term would be offensive. Even if dude just got off the plane and flew in all the way here from 1940, he knew better.
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MyStarsShine
@MyStarsShine
9 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 37529 · Posts: 41243 · Topics: 331
Posted by PhoenixRising
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV

Naw not buying if.

He was born in nyc

An asshole is an asshole

NYC men are arseholes?

Not the point.

Can't use heritage and a "lack of exposure to black people" (aka "I'm European) to not know that term would be offensive. Even if dude just got off the plane and flew in all the way here from 1940, he knew better.
click to expand



I was asking/repeating what D wrote. Did i misunderstand her?
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PhoenixRising
@PhoenixRising
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 19 · Posts: 19733 · Topics: 48
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by PhoenixRising
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV

Naw not buying if.

He was born in nyc

An asshole is an asshole

NYC men are arseholes?

Not the point.

Can't use heritage and a "lack of exposure to black people" (aka "I'm European) to not know that term would be offensive. Even if dude just got off the plane and flew in all the way here from 1940, he knew better.

I was asking/repeating what D wrote. Did i misunderstand her?
click to expand


I believe you did Star. And that wasn't so much directed towards you as it was more about highlighting what I believe DMV meant.

If he was born and raised in North America (NYC), stating his heritage and lack of knowledge on "some issues" to excuse his comment is basically that, an excuse. I highly doubt people that do not live in North America live under a rock and they have a good idea of what is and isn't offensive given the current social/political climate. I mean what would have been wrong with saying "you have beautiful full lips" if he was truly intending to give her a compliment? Meh. I'm not buying it either, even if he wasn't a NY native.
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PhoenixRising
@PhoenixRising
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 19 · Posts: 19733 · Topics: 48
Posted by Ixi
Posted by PhoenixRising
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV

Naw not buying if.

He was born in nyc

An asshole is an asshole

NYC men are arseholes?

Not the point.

Can't use heritage and a "lack of exposure to black people" (aka "I'm European) to not know that term would be offensive. Even if dude just got off the plane and flew in all the way here from 1940, he knew better.

Right, ain't no way in hell anyone who has been immersed in a Western Culture for any extended period of time can be completely oblivious to not using that phrase.
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*like*
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Greylatern, The Laughing Heart
@Lostthoughts
6 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 461 · Posts: 2949 · Topics: 30
Posted by alexscaries

Insults = foreplay. Insult me and the pants come off not the gloves.

Verbal foreplay, shit talking, teasing when the other is in on the joke = Banter. Always fun finding someone you can do this with. I miss it.

Unfortunately in her case this is not Banter. She isn't being over sensitive either. Her other post give a better context showing it's malicious.

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DMV
@DMV
15 Years25,000+ PostsSagittarius

Comments: 294 · Posts: 28989 · Topics: 654
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV

Naw not buying if.

He was born in nyc

An asshole is an asshole

NYC men are arseholes?
click to expand



The previous user thought that the Leo being from Italy may have been oblivious due to his culture.

However the Leo in question is from the United States, specifically NYC.

He knows better.

What he said is what an asshole would say
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MyStarsShine
@MyStarsShine
9 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 37529 · Posts: 41243 · Topics: 331
Posted by DMV
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV

Naw not buying if.

He was born in nyc

An asshole is an asshole

NYC men are arseholes?

The previous user thought that the Leo being from Italy may have been oblivious due to his culture.

However the Leo in question is from the United States, specifically NYC.

He knows better.

What he said is what an asshole would say
click to expand



Yes it is

How long were you with him D?
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DMV
@DMV
15 Years25,000+ PostsSagittarius

Comments: 294 · Posts: 28989 · Topics: 654
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV

Naw not buying if.

He was born in nyc

An asshole is an asshole

NYC men are arseholes?

The previous user thought that the Leo being from Italy may have been oblivious due to his culture.

However the Leo in question is from the United States, specifically NYC.

He knows better.

What he said is what an asshole would say

Yes it is

How long were you with him D?
click to expand



Way too long

3 years.

First and last relationship of my life.

20 years single

Thank you Jesus
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MyStarsShine
@MyStarsShine
9 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 37529 · Posts: 41243 · Topics: 331
Posted by DMV
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV

Naw not buying if.

He was born in nyc

An asshole is an asshole

NYC men are arseholes?

The previous user thought that the Leo being from Italy may have been oblivious due to his culture.

However the Leo in question is from the United States, specifically NYC.

He knows better.

What he said is what an asshole would say

Yes it is

How long were you with him D?

Way too long

3 years.

First and last relationship of my life.

20 years single

Thank you Jesus
click to expand



Wow a long time

How long did he act like an arsehole?
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Greylatern, The Laughing Heart
@Lostthoughts
6 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 461 · Posts: 2949 · Topics: 30
Posted by alexscaries
Posted by Lostthoughts
Posted by alexscaries

Insults = foreplay. Insult me and the pants come off not the gloves.

Verbal foreplay, shit talking, teasing when the other is in on the joke = Banter. Always fun finding someone you can do this with. I miss it.

Unfortunately in her case this is not Banter. She isn't being over sensitive either. Her other post give a better context showing it's malicious.

I've just re-read the thread. I've also realized I said pretty much the same nearly a year ago. You're right it is abuse
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Do you find yourself holding back with someone new or wait until they start talking shit themselves? I'm always holding back until I get a solid feel for them before I start running my mouth 😂
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I'm baaaaaaaack
@LalasReturn
6 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 53 · Posts: 662 · Topics: 16
Posted by Rainbow87

Hi

I just want your feedback in this situation. I love my boyfriend but lately when he gets mad he insults me. I believe we’re all human and we can say things we don’t mean out of anger. It’s ok if it happens once or twice but my SO is really offending me. I’m the type of person that thinks it’s stupid to let someone insult you and act as if nothing happened. My parents have insulted each other over and over and I always told myself I was not going to ever allow that or be like them.

The thing is that I know relationships can be complicated and no one is perfect. Would ending the relationship over this be too dramatic? I’m a Cancer so I’m sensitive and I take things personal. But I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if it’s wrong to stay when someone starts to insult you. I’m not perfect either but I don’t offend people unless they really provoke me.


Honestly, telling me to fuck of is a good ground to end a relationship.
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DMV
@DMV
15 Years25,000+ PostsSagittarius

Comments: 294 · Posts: 28989 · Topics: 654
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV

Naw not buying if.

He was born in nyc

An asshole is an asshole

NYC men are arseholes?

The previous user thought that the Leo being from Italy may have been oblivious due to his culture.

However the Leo in question is from the United States, specifically NYC.

He knows better.

What he said is what an asshole would say

Yes it is

How long were you with him D?

Way too long

3 years.

First and last relationship of my life.

20 years single

Thank you Jesus

Wow a long time

How long did he act like an arsehole?
click to expand



Too long

He taught me that second chances are for the birds.

Do things right the first time
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MyStarsShine
@MyStarsShine
9 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 37529 · Posts: 41243 · Topics: 331
Posted by DMV
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV

Naw not buying if.

He was born in nyc

An asshole is an asshole

NYC men are arseholes?

The previous user thought that the Leo being from Italy may have been oblivious due to his culture.

However the Leo in question is from the United States, specifically NYC.

He knows better.

What he said is what an asshole would say

Yes it is

How long were you with him D?

Way too long

3 years.

First and last relationship of my life.

20 years single

Thank you Jesus

Wow a long time

How long did he act like an arsehole?

Too long

He taught me that second chances are for the birds.

Do things right the first time
click to expand



Yes true for sure

How did he take it when you finished with him D?
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Libra4rmTX
@Libra4rmTX
4 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 753 · Posts: 859 · Topics: 22
Love and respect go hand in hand. Stick around long enough and you'll begin to believe those insults. Ive been there. Thank god I left but it was too late because we have a child together. Took me a while get my confidence back but im 100 now.



And no you're not overreacting. Its called boundaries. You wouldn't feel upset for no reason. Do whats best for you put I can tell ya it will never stop
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DMV
@DMV
15 Years25,000+ PostsSagittarius

Comments: 294 · Posts: 28989 · Topics: 654
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV

Naw not buying if.

He was born in nyc

An asshole is an asshole

NYC men are arseholes?

The previous user thought that the Leo being from Italy may have been oblivious due to his culture.

However the Leo in question is from the United States, specifically NYC.

He knows better.

What he said is what an asshole would say

Yes it is

How long were you with him D?

Way too long

3 years.

First and last relationship of my life.

20 years single

Thank you Jesus

Wow a long time

How long did he act like an arsehole?

Too long

He taught me that second chances are for the birds.

Do things right the first time

Yes true for sure

How did he take it when you finished with him D?
click to expand



That cancer Mars was angry and he got physical.

He still reaches out from time to time

He tries to use past memories as a way to reconnect.

I don’t respond to his demands to answer the phone.

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Mutya
@Mutya
4 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 940 · Posts: 690 · Topics: 1
Now I know there are days where my SO would say something and I would take it as an insult. I've learned to always ask him what he meant when that happens so I won't jump into conclusions. I'm hormonal like that.

Now if he's verbally abusive or calling me derogatory names, I will definitely leave him. No second chances.

I'm at a point in my life where I place my mental health and self-esteem above being in a relationship.
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MyStarsShine
@MyStarsShine
9 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 37529 · Posts: 41243 · Topics: 331
Posted by DMV
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV

Naw not buying if.

He was born in nyc

An asshole is an asshole

NYC men are arseholes?

The previous user thought that the Leo being from Italy may have been oblivious due to his culture.

However the Leo in question is from the United States, specifically NYC.

He knows better.

What he said is what an asshole would say

Yes it is

How long were you with him D?

Way too long

3 years.

First and last relationship of my life.

20 years single

Thank you Jesus

Wow a long time

How long did he act like an arsehole?

Too long

He taught me that second chances are for the birds.

Do things right the first time

Yes true for sure

How did he take it when you finished with him D?

That cancer Mars was angry and he got physical.

He still reaches out from time to time

He tries to use past memories as a way to reconnect.

I don’t respond to his demands to answer the phone.
click to expand



Does he have Mars Pluto?

Yes best to ignore him ...
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Sleepyquantro1
@Sleepyquantro1
4 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 248 · Posts: 563 · Topics: 9
Babe you have to STOP being a doormat. I love cancer ♋️ women but the stuff I’ve seen y’all put up with 🤦🏽‍♀️. This married cancer at work sticks with her husband, although he has a side chick (for like 3 yrs), that she knows about…talking about she’s trying to figure out what his role in the marriage is 😳.

Please 🙏🏽 don’t waste the rest of your youthful years on this dude, bc inevitably you’ll split, and you’ll just be resentful that you’ve wasted so much time on something that you knew wouldn’t work in the long run. You can’t get your time ⏰⏳ back. Why wait for him to leave?
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MyStarsShine
@MyStarsShine
9 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 37529 · Posts: 41243 · Topics: 331
Posted by Sleepyquantro1

Babe you have to STOP being a doormat. I love cancer ♋️ women but the stuff I’ve seen y’all put up with 🤦🏽‍♀️. This married cancer at work sticks with her husband, although he has a side chick (for like 3 yrs), that she knows about…talking about she’s trying to figure out what his role in the marriage is 😳.

Please 🙏🏽 don’t waste the rest of your youthful years on this dude, bc inevitably you’ll split, and you’ll just be resentful that you’ve wasted so much time on something that you knew wouldn’t work in the long run. You can’t get your time ⏰⏳ back. Why wait for him to leave?


I’ve known several Cancer women stay in abusive relationships .... the dark side of the moon.
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