Is it friendzone forever with Cancer male?

So about 10 months ago, I (31F/Scorp) told a Cancer guy 37m (after platonically hanging out with him for less than 6 months [*cringe]) I had feelings for him. He said 'we can be friends'. That's fair & understandable, so I started to move on. Started dating some people, not really feeling them - but helped ease my broken heart.

He approaches me a few weeks after I started distancing myself from him - I wasn't avoiding him, just definitely not wearing my heart on my sleeve and pining for him like I did before - and he started asking if we could hang out again, I said sure. I made it clear that when I did group activities I would invite him. As opposed to hanging out with him alone (I couldn't really handle that yet).

We had some weird moments, like when he got drunk at the holiday party and followed me around, mocking the name of the guy I was at the party with. But he never actually made a move.

In late December I think I genuinely moved on and was ready to be friends with him again. So I started inviting him to these weekly hangouts I organize with about 16 others friends. He is usually pretty quiet at these hangouts - more of an observer, so I always wonder if he actually enjoys himself? My friends range in age from 22 - 53 and our topics widely vary, but each and every single week he always showed up.

First to come, last to leave. Would always offer me a ride home, but i would Uber. He would then drive my friends home. He added all of my friends on social media, each one from the group. I would text him "Thanks for showing up!" sometimes he would text first "Thank you for inviting me!" but that was about as exciting as it got.

In Feb I became sick with a form of cancer, but keep it on the low/no one knows. When Covid hit in March, we all had to quarantine. So my mind at this point was on me and my health. Out of the blue, he messaged me to ask me if he could make me an embroidered art piece and he wrote some possible examples in the email - but the email itself seemed very "i want to make this for you and I thought a lot about you, but also don't get the wrong idea". And at this point, I am just tired. I don't need someones pity.

I was so emotional with everything going on in my life, that this just bothered me. So I never responded back, he followed up a few days then weeks later asking if i was "okay". I finally gave a breezy response and just let him know "I had personal things going on" and never explained further. He said he didn't mean to add any burden, the offer would always be around and he was there to talk if needed. I didnt respond. A few days later he asks for my address. I end up receiving a small painting hand made by him, with a note in the back explaining that when he is sad - this image is what he looks at. I was very touched.

I sent him a text saying thank you so much, and that I would send him mail in return eventually. That was it.

A few days ago, I organized a group chat and at the beginning of it mentioned I would be going to the coast that weekend and wanted to drag people along. I never brought it up again during the our chat - the Zoom chat went on for 6 hours and it was mainly me and 2 others talking. but he stayed on it the entire time engaged. A few hours after the chat finally wrapped he sent me a text saying "If you want company, I would like to come. I can even drive people if you need. No worries if you are full or plans changed though". I let him know he is always welcome.

I end up going saturday morning with a group of 4 friends, including him, all in one minivan. We are meeting two others at the coast. It's a two hour drive. I was in the front passenger seat and was having a conversation with the group. I tease most of my friends and I think I might have stung him with one joke by accident. But I immediately clarified that think his work is amazing. Nothing unusual. We get there, walk around the coast. We talk as a group, we also talk just the two of us and he asked how i was doing (but im not ready to tell him I'm kinda sick/I think it would frighten him into thinking I need him or something and I am also afraid of getting pity) and I gave a very vague response. It's was all very pleasant though.

We drive back, during the ride we talked about various things and places we can go as a group during quarantine. He mentioned we should go fishing and knew a good place to go but it wasn't until October - we agree it's a plan. I take over for the driver, after he drops himself off - so now it's just me, one friend, and Cancer guy in the car. Cancer guy, I hear him tell the other friend he was going to sit upfront so I dont feel like a chauffeur and joins me in the passenger seat. I didn't know where my other friend lived in relation to his house, but I assumed his was closer so I dropped him off first. We did have kind of an awkward conversation - but I assumed it was mainly because there was another person in the car, since we still talk fairly normal when it's the two of us. I drop him off, and he mentions "see you soon!" that's the last thing we say that night.

The next day, a mutual friend sent me a group photo of all of us for me to share with everyone. I send it to him with a "thanks for coming! your company is always great! here is a photo!" he responds back "thanks for having me! I always have a lot of fun with ya'll! like the pic too!"

I realize my feelings for him have started to creep back into the picture again. But the last time I talked about feelings (10 months ago) to him, he said "we should be friends" He said I was amazing, but he also said F-R-I-E-N-D-S. I just feel some sort of way about him, a man nice enough to paint me a touching picture and send me a letter. But he can't even say "I had fun with you" he has to use "ya'll"

Is this part of a game? Is this really just a friendship - where a grown man befriends all my friends, including the 22yr old boys in my friend group, and paints me pictures? Is that really just a friendship. I am just so confused - is he testing me? waiting to see if I make the cut? Definitely not interested?

I seek any advice, please! I've never met anyone like him and I am climbing the walls with confusion at this point.

what is it that you don't understand about the word "quarantine" ?

Posted by mooninluv

So about 10 months ago, I (31F/Scorp) told a Cancer guy 37m (after platonically hanging out with him for less than 6 months [*cringe]) I had feelings for him. He said 'we can be friends'. That's fair & understandable, so I started to move on. Started dating some people, not really feeling them - but helped ease my broken heart.



I realize my feelings for him have started to creep back into the picture again. But the last time I talked about feelings (10 months ago) to him, he said "we should be friends" He said I was amazing, but he also said F-R-I-E-N-D-S. I just feel some sort of way about him, a man nice enough to paint me a touching picture and send me a letter. But he can't even say "I had fun with you" he has to use "ya'll"

Is this part of a game? Is this really just a friendship - where a grown man befriends all my friends, including the 22yr old boys in my friend group, and paints me pictures? Is that really just a friendship. I am just so confused - is he testing me? waiting to see if I make the cut? Definitely not interested?

I seek any advice, please! I've never met anyone like him and I am climbing the walls with confusion at this point.

My intuition says that he has developed emotional feelings for you, but I don't think he is physically/sexually attracted to you. I would say that he feels it emotionally, but without that extra physical desire, then it will only be emotional and that will only get you so far in a relationship but not as far or deep as you seem to want to go. You seem to both vibe on a deep level, but you give off a bit of an aloof/friendsy kind of vibe, which I believe this is a normal thing for scorpios, but cancers like it intense and possessive. Like the feeling of being eyed by a predator as they hunt you, but more in an amorous way. Not to be pried out, but to be immersed and lulled out in an atmosphere of inviting energies. Unless you can really charm his eyes or spark up his sexual attraction, then I would consider how much you are getting from being in the pool of deep vibes; especially if you feel like you are suffering from the feelings of longing for more.

I don't think he is toying with you, I think he is enjoying the emotional exchange and tries to invoke those feelings when he can. Cancers like to be sweet and nice as to enjoy the positive vibes emitted from the receiver. However, I do think he is aware that it may be too much and it is a bit of a guilty pleasure for him. If you can detach a bit and enjoy things for the way they are and nothing more, then enjoy it, but if you feel like you need more, then it could eventually become more bitter than sweet.

Posted by hydorah

what is it that you don't understand about the word "quarantine" ?

Seriously...you couldn't offer anything of substance before being a Karen.

My intuition says that he has developed emotional feelings for you, but I don't think he is physically/sexually attracted to you. I would say that he feels it emotionally, but without that extra physical desire, then it will only be emotional and that will only get you so far in a relationship but not as far or deep as you seem to want to go.

Thank you for this.

It's one of those things in the back of my head I kept thinking (that he just is not physically attracted to me. [I am overweight]) but seeing someone else write it, who doesn't know what I look like, sort of zaps me back to reality.

Oh well, it sucks, but is what it is.

I truly appreciate your honesty & insight. Thank you again.

Do you know anything about his past relationships?

Most cancers I know, including my husband, want a bestfriend for their spouse as well. Everything is friends before, as well as after.

@nikkistar I haven't really had the nerve to ask, but he has mentioned two of them.

I know he was with the same person for about 8 years in his early twenties and he broke up with her. I am not sure the logistics of that relationship.

The only other relationship I know about was his most recent, which was end of 2018/early 2019. It was right before I met him. I remember he seemed to beat himself up about it because he said it was really brief and she told him ahead of time she didn't want a relationship, so when she ended it, he was really depressed and he said he 'should have known better.'

I agree that he has an emotional response to your energy and thinks you're a great person. That is why he wants to be your friend. Also he probably has fun hanging out with your friends as well. People like to be friends with people who have a group or are good at getting people together to socialize. This opens up their world to meet new people. I think because you still have these longing feelings for him you shouldn't invite him to any more get togethers. Suppose he meets another woman through your group and starts liking her on a romantic level? That won't do your heart any good. You can't be friends with someone you want more with when the feelings aren't mutual.

Sounds like he just wants to be friends.

Unless he says otherwise, you're friends.

Posted by mooninluv

@nikkistar I haven't really had the nerve to ask, but he has mentioned two of them.

I know he was with the same person for about 8 years in his early twenties and he broke up with her. I am not sure the logistics of that relationship.

The only other relationship I know about was his most recent, which was end of 2018/early 2019. It was right before I met him. I remember he seemed to beat himself up about it because he said it was really brief and she told him ahead of time she didn't want a relationship, so when she ended it, he was really depressed and he said he 'should have known better.'

Ok, given what little he has divulged from his latest relationship, I would probably assume that because he felt like he may have "rushed" it, so to speak, he is not making the same mistake.

The fact that he wants to start as friends, doesn't necessitate that he doesn't have romantic feelings towards you. If anything, I would take this as a positive thing. Also, given that he does nice gestures, also tells me that you are not just a mere acquaintance for him as well. He just may question his own judgement due to the prior relationship. Some of them, when having a bad experience will move like molasses. One day they will just say "yea, I like you as a friend" and the following week will ask you to be their girlfriend. They tend to be guarded in ways, but being a friend, doesn't mean there is no hope. But from what I have seen of them, they won't just jump into some fickle "relationship", like most people do. It won't be a week of dating, and then suddenly your boyfriend.

Did ya'll at least wear masks during this long roadtrip in the same car?? Jezzz

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by mooninluv

@nikkistar I haven't really had the nerve to ask, but he has mentioned two of them.

I know he was with the same person for about 8 years in his early twenties and he broke up with her. I am not sure the logistics of that relationship.

The only other relationship I know about was his most recent, which was end of 2018/early 2019. It was right before I met him. I remember he seemed to beat himself up about it because he said it was really brief and she told him ahead of time she didn't want a relationship, so when she ended it, he was really depressed and he said he 'should have known better.'

Ok, given what little he has divulged from his latest relationship, I would probably assume that because he felt like he may have "rushed" it, so to speak, he is not making the same mistake.

The fact that he wants to start as friends, doesn't necessitate that he doesn't have romantic feelings towards you. If anything, I would take this as a positive thing. Also, given that he does nice gestures, also tells me that you are not just a mere acquaintance for him as well. He just may question his own judgement due to the prior relationship. Some of them, when having a bad experience will move like molasses. One day they will just say "yea, I like you as a friend" and the following week will ask you to be their girlfriend. They tend to be guarded in ways, but being a friend, doesn't mean there is no hope. But from what I have seen of them, they won't just jump into some fickle "relationship", like most people do. It won't be a week of dating, and then suddenly your boyfriend.

click to expand

@nikkistar Thank you for this insight! I always wondered what those astrology websites meant when they say Cancer moves slow because the few Cancers I know always seem coupled up, so I can never imagine them single - let alone for a while. He mentioned that with his last heartbreak he couldn't get out of bed for weeks and his boss had to talk to him about his depression. I met him 2 months after all this happened apparently.

I was just thrown off because this is his actual hometown, has family nearby, and he has worked at the same place much longer than me - so he actually knows people. Partly why I started these group get togethers is because most of us are from all over the world and don't have anyone close by. Let alone family.

But eh, it still sounds pretty clear that nothing on my end could change anything (except maybe my appearance - which I wont do for any man) so I probably should just try and move along :/ I really appreciate your thoughtful reply

Posted by mooninluv

So about 10 months ago, I (31F/Scorp) told a Cancer guy 37m (after platonically hanging out with him for less than 6 months [*cringe]) I had feelings for him. He said 'we can be friends'. That's fair & understandable, so I started to move on. Started dating some people, not really feeling them - but helped ease my broken heart.

He approaches me a few weeks after I started distancing myself from him - I wasn't avoiding him, just definitely not wearing my heart on my sleeve and pining for him like I did before - and he started asking if we could hang out again, I said sure. I made it clear that when I did group activities I would invite him. As opposed to hanging out with him alone (I couldn't really handle that yet).

We had some weird moments, like when he got drunk at the holiday party and followed me around, mocking the name of the guy I was at the party with. But he never actually made a move.

In late December I think I genuinely moved on and was ready to be friends with him again. So I started inviting him to these weekly hangouts I organize with about 16 others friends. He is usually pretty quiet at these hangouts - more of an observer, so I always wonder if he actually enjoys himself? My friends range in age from 22 - 53 and our topics widely vary, but each and every single week he always showed up.

First to come, last to leave. Would always offer me a ride home, but i would Uber. He would then drive my friends home. He added all of my friends on social media, each one from the group. I would text him "Thanks for showing up!" sometimes he would text first "Thank you for inviting me!" but that was about as exciting as it got.

In Feb I became sick with a form of cancer, but keep it on the low/no one knows. When Covid hit in March, we all had to quarantine. So my mind at this point was on me and my health. Out of the blue, he messaged me to ask me if he could make me an embroidered art piece and he wrote some possible examples in the email - but the email itself seemed very "i want to make this for you and I thought a lot about you, but also don't get the wrong idea". And at this point, I am just tired. I don't need someones pity.

I was so emotional with everything going on in my life, that this just bothered me. So I never responded back, he followed up a few days then weeks later asking if i was "okay". I finally gave a breezy response and just let him know "I had personal things going on" and never explained further. He said he didn't mean to add any burden, the offer would always be around and he was there to talk if needed. I didnt respond. A few days later he asks for my address. I end up receiving a small painting hand made by him, with a note in the back explaining that when he is sad - this image is what he looks at. I was very touched.

I sent him a text saying thank you so much, and that I would send him mail in return eventually. That was it.

A few days ago, I organized a group chat and at the beginning of it mentioned I would be going to the coast that weekend and wanted to drag people along. I never brought it up again during the our chat - the Zoom chat went on for 6 hours and it was mainly me and 2 others talking. but he stayed on it the entire time engaged. A few hours after the chat finally wrapped he sent me a text saying "If you want company, I would like to come. I can even drive people if you need. No worries if you are full or plans changed though". I let him know he is always welcome.

I end up going saturday morning with a group of 4 friends, including him, all in one minivan. We are meeting two others at the coast. It's a two hour drive. I was in the front passenger seat and was having a conversation with the group. I tease most of my friends and I think I might have stung him with one joke by accident. But I immediately clarified that think his work is amazing. Nothing unusual. We get there, walk around the coast. We talk as a group, we also talk just the two of us and he asked how i was doing (but im not ready to tell him I'm kinda sick/I think it would frighten him into thinking I need him or something and I am also afraid of getting pity) and I gave a very vague response. It's was all very pleasant though.

We drive back, during the ride we talked about various things and places we can go as a group during quarantine. He mentioned we should go fishing and knew a good place to go but it wasn't until October - we agree it's a plan. I take over for the driver, after he drops himself off - so now it's just me, one friend, and Cancer guy in the car. Cancer guy, I hear him tell the other friend he was going to sit upfront so I dont feel like a chauffeur and joins me in the passenger seat. I didn't know where my other friend lived in relation to his house, but I assumed his was closer so I dropped him off first. We did have kind of an awkward conversation - but I assumed it was mainly because there was another person in the car, since we still talk fairly normal when it's the two of us. I drop him off, and he mentions "see you soon!" that's the last thing we say that night.

The next day, a mutual friend sent me a group photo of all of us for me to share with everyone. I send it to him with a "thanks for coming! your company is always great! here is a photo!" he responds back "thanks for having me! I always have a lot of fun with ya'll! like the pic too!"

I realize my feelings for him have started to creep back into the picture again. But the last time I talked about feelings (10 months ago) to him, he said "we should be friends" He said I was amazing, but he also said F-R-I-E-N-D-S. I just feel some sort of way about him, a man nice enough to paint me a touching picture and send me a letter. But he can't even say "I had fun with you" he has to use "ya'll"

Is this part of a game? Is this really just a friendship - where a grown man befriends all my friends, including the 22yr old boys in my friend group, and paints me pictures? Is that really just a friendship. I am just so confused - is he testing me? waiting to see if I make the cut? Definitely not interested?

I seek any advice, please! I've never met anyone like him and I am climbing the walls with confusion at this point.

Cancer male here. 41 yrs old. This behaviour is exactly like i used to be, *but in my teens*. Investigate. Has he ever had a girlfirend? How long, how did it end, and pictures of the girl(s) on Facebook, his phone, etc. You could start a group conversation on one of these friend nights. Have a plan before hand with one of your best friends in the group to ask him about his type, his longest relationship and why it ended just incase he just sits and observes. Make it where the group shows some pictruerws of exes and why things ended, etc. Drift into five year plans. Where does everyone see themselves in five years. Mention where you'd like to be"a kid..." something to the effect of a commitment. Go with your scorpio gut feeling. If there's a pisces in the group that you can really trust, ask*them*what*they*think. Pisces has the most open clairvoyance of all three water signs. (Cancer would have excellent clairvoyance too if they weren't so afraid to let loose, step on toes occasionally and accept the dark realities of human nature. They'd rather fill in cartoon colors and turn the other cheek "it never happened.")

I wonder what type of job he has, one where he'd adopt a passive atitude (like an artist)? Can he be a good supporter, hence is this work even worth it? Another idea is find a good self-help seminar you'd like to take. One that helps people become more determined in life, helps you uncover all kinds of hidden obstacles you create for yourself. Tell him about it privately and how interesting it might be on a psychological level. Invite him. See if it jumpstarts any life into him.

Cancer male here. 41 yrs old. This behaviour is exactly like i used to be, *but in my teens*. Investigate. Has he ever had a girlfirend? How long, how did it end, and pictures of the girl(s) on Facebook, his phone, etc. You could start a group conversation on one of these friend nights. Have a plan before hand with one of your best friends in the group to ask him about his type, his longest relationship and why it ended just incase he just sits and observes. Make it where the group shows some pictruerws of exes and why things ended, etc. Drift into five year plans. Where does everyone see themselves in five years. Mention where you'd like to be"a kid..." something to the effect of a commitment. Go with your scorpio gut feeling. If there's a pisces in the group that you can really trust, ask*them*what*they*think. Pisces has the most open clairvoyance of all three water signs. (Cancer would have excellent clairvoyance too if they weren't so afraid to let loose, step on toes occasionally and accept the dark realities of human nature. They'd rather fill in cartoon colors and turn the other cheek "it never happened.")

I wonder what type of job he has, one where he'd adopt a passive atitude (like an artist)? Can he be a good supporter, hence is this work even worth it? Another idea is find a good self-help seminar you'd like to take. One that helps people become more determined in life, helps you uncover all kinds of hidden obstacles you create for yourself. Tell him about it privately and how interesting it might be on a psychological level. Invite him. See if it jumpstarts any life into him.

@mikenynyc thank you for your response! he has told me about his past relationships. He brought it up and was pretty candid about his first one was a college relationship that lasted about 8 years (he was the one who ended it. It ended about 5/6 or so years ago).

I know his most recent one was right before I met him (maybe 2 months prior), he told me he was dealing with a deep depression because he had been dumped. He said she told him she didn't want a relationship and he knew that going into it, and so it lasted only a few months or something - but he really seemed to beat himself up about it. Because he kept telling me he shouldn't be so hurt, but he was. I just listened and nodded.

His ex- works in the same industry we all do (it's a creative industry) so I know of her (I think we talked a few times) and I think she is pretty. She's about a decade older than me and grew up really well-off and has this sort of innate sophistication, plus she is thin. I am overweight and just kind of goofy and just the complete opposite both in appearance & demeanor.

Why I feel for him in the first place was we would have these incredibly long talks, like 6 plus hours - just the two of us.We would talk about our dreams and goals. And we seemed to bond over like both having such conflicting ethical feelings about our industry. We both also have dreams to work at community colleges when we 'give it all up'. All of those kind of talks made me just feel for him some sort of way.

My mutual friends, including a pisces, aries and gemini were the ones that convinced me to tell him my feelings in the first place because they thought he had a thing for me and was just too shy to say it. I am not very good at reading those kind of feelings and I would have never had the guts to tell hm otherwise. I wrote about that incident here: https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/cancer/scorpio-woman-turned-down-by-cancer-man-what-do-i-do-now-to-make-it-less-awkward--13090392/#13090666



I mean all of these replies just basically hammer home the point he only wants to be friends. Which does seem so obvious I feel rather stupid.

I am just kind of bummed and I don't understand his behaviour, especially his push-and-pull . When I start to move along - which it seems like what he wanted, then he does something personal and wants to be close :/

I feel like he has to know this confuses me.

I have never met someone like him. He was the first person I ever made a first move on and it took me 2 months to work up that courage. I would like to support making it work if there was a chance, but I am so confused.

Posted by mooninluv

Cancer male here. 41 yrs old. This behaviour is exactly like i used to be, *but in my teens*. Investigate. Has he ever had a girlfirend? How long, how did it end, and pictures of the girl(s) on Facebook, his phone, etc. You could start a group conversation on one of these friend nights. Have a plan before hand with one of your best friends in the group to ask him about his type, his longest relationship and why it ended just incase he just sits and observes. Make it where the group shows some pictruerws of exes and why things ended, etc. Drift into five year plans. Where does everyone see themselves in five years. Mention where you'd like to be"a kid..." something to the effect of a commitment. Go with your scorpio gut feeling. If there's a pisces in the group that you can really trust, ask*them*what*they*think. Pisces has the most open clairvoyance of all three water signs. (Cancer would have excellent clairvoyance too if they weren't so afraid to let loose, step on toes occasionally and accept the dark realities of human nature. They'd rather fill in cartoon colors and turn the other cheek "it never happened.")

I wonder what type of job he has, one where he'd adopt a passive atitude (like an artist)? Can he be a good supporter, hence is this work even worth it? Another idea is find a good self-help seminar you'd like to take. One that helps people become more determined in life, helps you uncover all kinds of hidden obstacles you create for yourself. Tell him about it privately and how interesting it might be on a psychological level. Invite him. See if it jumpstarts any life into him.

@mikenynyc thank you for your response! he has told me about his past relationships. He brought it up and was pretty candid about his first one was a college relationship that lasted about 8 years (he was the one who ended it. It ended about 5/6 or so years ago).

I know his most recent one was right before I met him (maybe 2 months prior), he told me he was dealing with a deep depression because he had been dumped. He said she told him she didn't want a relationship and he knew that going into it, and so it lasted only a few months or something - but he really seemed to beat himself up about it. Because he kept telling me he shouldn't be so hurt, but he was. I just listened and nodded.

His ex- works in the same industry we all do (it's a creative industry) so I know of her (I think we talked a few times) and I think she is pretty. She's about a decade older than me and grew up really well-off and has this sort of innate sophistication, plus she is thin. I am overweight and just kind of goofy and just the complete opposite both in appearance & demeanor.

Why I feel for him in the first place was we would have these incredibly long talks, like 6 plus hours - just the two of us.We would talk about our dreams and goals. And we seemed to bond over like both having such conflicting ethical feelings about our industry. We both also have dreams to work at community colleges when we 'give it all up'. All of those kind of talks made me just feel for him some sort of way.

My mutual friends, including a pisces, aries and gemini were the ones that convinced me to tell him my feelings in the first place because they thought he had a thing for me and was just too shy to say it. I am not very good at reading those kind of feelings and I would have never had the guts to tell hm otherwise. I wrote about that incident here: https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/cancer/scorpio-woman-turned-down-by-cancer-man-what-do-i-do-now-to-make-it-less-awkward--13090392/#13090666



I mean all of these replies just basically hammer home the point he only wants to be friends. Which does seem so obvious I feel rather stupid.

I am just kind of bummed and I don't understand his behaviour, especially his push-and-pull . When I start to move along - which it seems like what he wanted, then he does something personal and wants to be close :/

I feel like he has to know this confuses me.

I have never met someone like him. He was the first person I ever made a first move on and it took me 2 months to work up that courage. I would like to support making it work if there was a chance, but I am so confused.

click to expand

ive done this to a scorpio girl before. She happened to be much more into me than i was into her. id tell her im only interested in friendship, but still leave a hint of a questionmark. i did it for two reasons; one, for the attention, much much more importantly, to catch her offguard and to analyze her. for long term relationships, guys like to choose, the dont want you to choose them. guys want to hunt and win you over. when you resort to pursuing us, it turns the tables. it would make me back up and say, wait, why is she so interested? what's she so in a rush for that she can set things up correctly and have faith that id chase her down? so id pushnyou off a bit using the friendship label, but really only to catch you off guard long enough to see why youre coming on so strong. **Even if im ultimately not interested, its always good to check in and see what type of girls i attract (how strong my look/game is).

Sounds to me that he doesn’t want to commit to you, but also doesn’t want you dating anyone else. That’s why he’s stringing you along, but not putting any effort into being a boyfriend to you. That’s bs.

My suggestion is to move on. He’s not going to change.

Posted by mooninluv

So about 10 months ago, I (31F/Scorp) told a Cancer guy 37m (after platonically hanging out with him for less than 6 months [*cringe]) I had feelings for him. He said 'we can be friends'. That's fair & understandable, so I started to move on. Started dating some people, not really feeling them - but helped ease my broken heart.

He approaches me a few weeks after I started distancing myself from him - I wasn't avoiding him, just definitely not wearing my heart on my sleeve and pining for him like I did before - and he started asking if we could hang out again, I said sure. I made it clear that when I did group activities I would invite him. As opposed to hanging out with him alone (I couldn't really handle that yet).

We had some weird moments, like when he got drunk at the holiday party and followed me around, mocking the name of the guy I was at the party with. But he never actually made a move.

In late December I think I genuinely moved on and was ready to be friends with him again. So I started inviting him to these weekly hangouts I organize with about 16 others friends. He is usually pretty quiet at these hangouts - more of an observer, so I always wonder if he actually enjoys himself? My friends range in age from 22 - 53 and our topics widely vary, but each and every single week he always showed up.

First to come, last to leave. Would always offer me a ride home, but i would Uber. He would then drive my friends home. He added all of my friends on social media, each one from the group. I would text him "Thanks for showing up!" sometimes he would text first "Thank you for inviting me!" but that was about as exciting as it got.

In Feb I became sick with a form of cancer, but keep it on the low/no one knows. When Covid hit in March, we all had to quarantine. So my mind at this point was on me and my health. Out of the blue, he messaged me to ask me if he could make me an embroidered art piece and he wrote some possible examples in the email - but the email itself seemed very "i want to make this for you and I thought a lot about you, but also don't get the wrong idea". And at this point, I am just tired. I don't need someones pity.

I was so emotional with everything going on in my life, that this just bothered me. So I never responded back, he followed up a few days then weeks later asking if i was "okay". I finally gave a breezy response and just let him know "I had personal things going on" and never explained further. He said he didn't mean to add any burden, the offer would always be around and he was there to talk if needed. I didnt respond. A few days later he asks for my address. I end up receiving a small painting hand made by him, with a note in the back explaining that when he is sad - this image is what he looks at. I was very touched.

I sent him a text saying thank you so much, and that I would send him mail in return eventually. That was it.

A few days ago, I organized a group chat and at the beginning of it mentioned I would be going to the coast that weekend and wanted to drag people along. I never brought it up again during the our chat - the Zoom chat went on for 6 hours and it was mainly me and 2 others talking. but he stayed on it the entire time engaged. A few hours after the chat finally wrapped he sent me a text saying "If you want company, I would like to come. I can even drive people if you need. No worries if you are full or plans changed though". I let him know he is always welcome.

I end up going saturday morning with a group of 4 friends, including him, all in one minivan. We are meeting two others at the coast. It's a two hour drive. I was in the front passenger seat and was having a conversation with the group. I tease most of my friends and I think I might have stung him with one joke by accident. But I immediately clarified that think his work is amazing. Nothing unusual. We get there, walk around the coast. We talk as a group, we also talk just the two of us and he asked how i was doing (but im not ready to tell him I'm kinda sick/I think it would frighten him into thinking I need him or something and I am also afraid of getting pity) and I gave a very vague response. It's was all very pleasant though.

We drive back, during the ride we talked about various things and places we can go as a group during quarantine. He mentioned we should go fishing and knew a good place to go but it wasn't until October - we agree it's a plan. I take over for the driver, after he drops himself off - so now it's just me, one friend, and Cancer guy in the car. Cancer guy, I hear him tell the other friend he was going to sit upfront so I dont feel like a chauffeur and joins me in the passenger seat. I didn't know where my other friend lived in relation to his house, but I assumed his was closer so I dropped him off first. We did have kind of an awkward conversation - but I assumed it was mainly because there was another person in the car, since we still talk fairly normal when it's the two of us. I drop him off, and he mentions "see you soon!" that's the last thing we say that night.

The next day, a mutual friend sent me a group photo of all of us for me to share with everyone. I send it to him with a "thanks for coming! your company is always great! here is a photo!" he responds back "thanks for having me! I always have a lot of fun with ya'll! like the pic too!"

I realize my feelings for him have started to creep back into the picture again. But the last time I talked about feelings (10 months ago) to him, he said "we should be friends" He said I was amazing, but he also said F-R-I-E-N-D-S. I just feel some sort of way about him, a man nice enough to paint me a touching picture and send me a letter. But he can't even say "I had fun with you" he has to use "ya'll"

Is this part of a game? Is this really just a friendship - where a grown man befriends all my friends, including the 22yr old boys in my friend group, and paints me pictures? Is that really just a friendship. I am just so confused - is he testing me? waiting to see if I make the cut? Definitely not interested?

I seek any advice, please! I've never met anyone like him and I am climbing the walls with confusion at this point.

As i think more about it, i think id respect

you more if you cold turkey pushed me away at this point. You'll also keep that solid level of respect for yourself Scorpio. Don't settle for a relationship that tortures you in the wrong way. You're better than his macaroni portraits.