Advice on Cancer Silent Treatment

Edited; received some solid advice. Going to see how this plays out. Thanks

Posted by Arielle83

He’s busy.

Cancers are busy people.

This, if it is as accurate as the OP describes.

(Yeah, Crabs can have a lot of balls in the air).

I would *almost* suggest he may have some doubts. Not about you personally OP, but the whole dynamic (two different countries, hes an athlete and work has him going, etc.).

If he's that involved, him setting aside time to communicate means something.

It's not the "infamous" Cancer silent treatment I see, he's just got a lot going on.

After attempting to read the beginning of this and struggling to follow it for many different reasons, I couldn’t handle how much you type and I’d go silent on you too. Try the less is more approach.

No matter how „busy“ men are, if you are his priority then he‘ll make time even just to text you shortly. He made a lot of time for you before he felt all „weird & devastated“, so no... he isn‘t too busy to text you. He chooses not to, so he can breath.

The most important thing here is to remember that you both aren‘t in a relationship.

Both of you got a little swept away over your plans together and all that flirty cuteness imo. It‘s thrilling to flirt more and more intense and how infatuation builds up. But then reality hits him again and he realized that all that will probably lead nowhere since you are in different countries. A LDR is draining, hard work and little satisfying with just a few intimate encounters depending how often you‘d get to see eachother in real life. If it‘s not what he wants then he‘ll back off more and more so he doesn‘t look like a total douche although he could just be honest and end it. Long distance attention/affection is really nice if you got nothing „to do“ (other girls) because it sweetens your day, gives you attention and you don‘t have to worry to be responsible for anything! Then someone else in your area catches your attention SNAP - that chick from the other country gets less attention. Why further invest more time when there is someone near you who you could get physical/intimate with just whenever you want? If it doesn‘t work out he‘ll be back texting you

I guess you should relax and shift your focus somewhere else. See it as a nice flirt in the meantime that can fizzle out anytime.

Good luck 🌷

Posted by AquaNextDoor

No matter how „busy“ men are, if you are his priority then he‘ll make time even just to text you shortly. He made a lot of time for you before he felt all „weird & devastated“, so no... he isn‘t too busy to text you. He chooses not to, so he can breath.

The most important thing here is to remember that you both aren‘t in a relationship.

Both of you got a little swept away over your plans together and all that flirty cuteness imo. It‘s thrilling to flirt more and more intense and how infatuation builds up. But then reality hits him again and he realized that all that will probably lead nowhere since you are in different countries. A LDR is draining, hard work and little satisfying with just a few intimate encounters depending how often you‘d get to see eachother in real life. If it‘s not what he wants then he‘ll back off more and more so he doesn‘t look like a total douche although he could just be honest and end it. Long distance attention/affection is really nice if you got nothing „to do“ (other girls) because it sweetens your day, gives you attention and you don‘t have to worry to be responsible for anything! Then someone else in your area catches your attention SNAP - that chick from the other country gets less attention. Why further invest more time when there is someone near you who you could get physical/intimate with just whenever you want? If it doesn‘t work out he‘ll be back texting you

I guess you should relax and shift your focus somewhere else. See it as a nice flirt in the meantime that can fizzle out anytime.

Good luck 🌷

I should have specified I’m moving back to that country full time in August! But thank you so much for the insight, I’ll definitely heed the advice accordingly!

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by Arielle83

He’s busy.

Cancers are busy people.

This, if it is as accurate as the OP describes.

(Yeah, Crabs can have a lot of balls in the air).

I would *almost* suggest he may have some doubts. Not about you personally OP, but the whole dynamic (two different countries, hes an athlete and work has him going, etc.).

If he's that involved, him setting aside time to communicate means something.

It's not the "infamous" Cancer silent treatment I see, he's just got a lot going on.

click to expand

Thank you for this! I appreciate you!

Posted by aquariancrybaby

Posted by AquaNextDoor

No matter how „busy“ men are, if you are his priority then he‘ll make time even just to text you shortly. He made a lot of time for you before he felt all „weird & devastated“, so no... he isn‘t too busy to text you. He chooses not to, so he can breath.

The most important thing here is to remember that you both aren‘t in a relationship.

Both of you got a little swept away over your plans together and all that flirty cuteness imo. It‘s thrilling to flirt more and more intense and how infatuation builds up. But then reality hits him again and he realized that all that will probably lead nowhere since you are in different countries. A LDR is draining, hard work and little satisfying with just a few intimate encounters depending how often you‘d get to see eachother in real life. If it‘s not what he wants then he‘ll back off more and more so he doesn‘t look like a total douche although he could just be honest and end it. Long distance attention/affection is really nice if you got nothing „to do“ (other girls) because it sweetens your day, gives you attention and you don‘t have to worry to be responsible for anything! Then someone else in your area catches your attention SNAP - that chick from the other country gets less attention. Why further invest more time when there is someone near you who you could get physical/intimate with just whenever you want? If it doesn‘t work out he‘ll be back texting you

I guess you should relax and shift your focus somewhere else. See it as a nice flirt in the meantime that can fizzle out anytime.

Good luck 🌷

I should have specified I’m moving back to that country full time in August! But thank you so much for the insight, I’ll definitely heed the advice accordingly!

click to expand

Oh wow that‘s soon! Cool!

Posted by pinkbird03

After attempting to read the beginning of this and struggling to follow it for many different reasons, I couldn’t handle how much you type and I’d go silent on you too. Try the less is more approach.

Harsh but I’ll take it, and I genuinely appreciate the feedback. It’s been noted.

Posted by Arielle83

Posted by pinkbird03

After attempting to read the beginning of this and struggling to follow it for many different reasons, I couldn’t handle how much you type and I’d go silent on you too. Try the less is more approach.

This.

If this post is any indication of your level of textual appetite, I’d be full.

Not to mention all your detailed observations of his every move. It’s like you’re studying him hoping you’ve got him locked down, but now he’s busy and you can’t handle it.

Cancers love alone time to recharge. If you need a lot of attention, he needs breaks too.

click to expand

Admittedly, I study people (former foster kid, self preservation mechanism). I’m an ambivert, I burn out easily too & tend to hibernate every few days to recharge; as a tattoo artist I tend to become an involuntary therapist and it’s exhausting. Needed to be put in check about pumping the breaks a bit though, so thank you and I’ll do just that.

Posted by greylatern

@aquariancrybaby

Your spiraling emotionally and your going to take your cancer with you.

Your smothering him.

Chill out. Cheer and support the poor guy. You know damn well he misses you too. What your doing is torturing him. If you become to distracting and he becomes not functional, you will blow up the relationship.

The fact you miss him so much that is causes you pain, means you love him just as much correct? The opposite of pain is Joy. Focus on that instead and go about your day knowing that you are lucky enough to have found someone like that. Cheerish it and express that to him instead.

Keep these in mind when your feeling down.

When you think he isn't there know that he is.

When you think you are not talking to him, know that you are.

Send him stuff about your day and ask about his. Time it if possible after the bulk of his day is done.

Send him a picture or meme that you will know he would love or laugh at.

Give him glimpses of things to look forward to when he gets home.



Most importantly Send him your love, support, and passion. Not the pain but the source of it. The love and joy you feel.

This did a lot for me emotionally, thank you. I think I need to work on slowing my roll and trusting the process. It’s been whirlwind for me in recent weeks because of unrelated factors & after getting feedback on here I can see that I clung too hard too quickly and need to curve that if I’m going to render any success with this guy.

Posted by Arielle83

He’s busy.

Cancers are busy people.

Girl I work 80 hour weeks & I’m on the road 6 months out of the year, I shouldn’t have time to be this insane either 😱 You guys have helped slap me off my bullbutter so thanks!

Posted by Arielle83

Posted by aquariancrybaby

Posted by Arielle83

Posted by pinkbird03

After attempting to read the beginning of this and struggling to follow it for many different reasons, I couldn’t handle how much you type and I’d go silent on you too. Try the less is more approach.

This.

If this post is any indication of your level of textual appetite, I’d be full.

Not to mention all your detailed observations of his every move. It’s like you’re studying him hoping you’ve got him locked down, but now he’s busy and you can’t handle it.

Cancers love alone time to recharge. If you need a lot of attention, he needs breaks too.

Admittedly, I study people (former foster kid, self preservation mechanism). I’m an ambivert, I burn out easily too & tend to hibernate every few days to recharge; as a tattoo artist I tend to become an involuntary therapist and it’s exhausting. Needed to be put in check about pumping the breaks a bit though, so thank you and I’ll do just that.

Well then you got your shit together and are probably hypersensitive to his every move and he might pick up on it. So ya maybe step back a bit. Make him come to you. If you do all the work now, you’ll be exhausted later.

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Do you think my messaging him for the first time in like 4 days yesterday totally bombed the “come to me” flow? Or if I shut my trap now and fallback whilst he’s still on business do I stand a chance?

Posted by vivi4656

I have to do my homework; but, I promise I'll be back to read and respond to your post later : )! xo

Thank you, Queen!

Posted by Black-Mamba

O.k. what a novel!

He sounds hot can i get his number

I love crab men

Respectable level of sass, I support it. If the butter hits the fan I’ll come through with the connect.

First thing is first, please use paragraphs. Reading that was somewhat of a headache.

However, this is the gist of what I got from your OP. You guys have only been romantically talking for a a month at best, 3 weeks at worst. Though you had some short interactions prior to this, it was more or less nothing but following each other on IG. There has been no actual physical contact, and it appears that any physical meeting won't take place for another 2.5 months in July at best due to conflicting schedules.

He does sound busy, as do you. Which attributes to short breaks in communication for a few days, or communication becomes short answers. He is more than likely busy this week, potentially busier then the prior weeks leading up to this. I wouldn't worry too much, as he is probably primarily focused on his work. Just as you were that day, you did not respond to him all day until the evening. He may be working, and just too tired to even look at his phone.

With all of that being said, I would suggest you not get so emotionally attached due to these conversations. From my observations on Cancer men, they tend to have these deep conversations that appear to lead to the future. Sounds amazing. But when reality hits, they will come to a complete and utter standstill. They are great at giving flowery words, and building a fantasy up for both themselves and the person they are interested in, initially and at light speed. But they can also give girls whiplash with how fast it can go from super affectionate, to distant. That doesn't mean that the relationship can't be successful, by any means. But, it means the relationship will slow down considerably, and all of those flowery words, will become sparse until they fully vet you. Then those flowery words reappear, but that could be years down the line for you.

Some women can't or won't accept this, and some can. You have to decide for yourself if you can. But I would say, meet first before making all these plans for the future. So that you mitigate any potential of being disappointed if it should not progress.

Posted by nikkistar

First thing is first, please use paragraphs. Reading that was somewhat of a headache.

However, this is the gist of what I got from your OP. You guys have only been romantically talking for a a month at best, 3 weeks at worst. Though you had some short interactions prior to this, it was more or less nothing but following each other on IG. There has been no actual physical contact, and it appears that any physical meeting won't take place for another 2.5 months in July at best due to conflicting schedules.

He does sound busy, as do you. Which attributes to short breaks in communication for a few days, or communication becomes short answers. He is more than likely busy this week, potentially busier then the prior weeks leading up to this. I wouldn't worry too much, as he is probably primarily focused on his work. Just as you were that day, you did not respond to him all day until the evening. He may be working, and just too tired to even look at his phone.

With all of that being said, I would suggest you not get so emotionally attached due to these conversations. From my observations on Cancer men, they tend to have these deep conversations that appear to lead to the future. Sounds amazing. But when reality hits, they will come to a complete and utter standstill. They are great at giving flowery words, and building a fantasy up for both themselves and the person they are interested in, initially and at light speed. But they can also give girls whiplash with how fast it can go from super affectionate, to distant. That doesn't mean that the relationship can't be successful, by any means. But, it means the relationship will slow down considerably, and all of those flowery words, will become sparse until they fully vet you. Then those flowery words reappear, but that could be years down the line for you.

Some women can't or won't accept this, and some can. You have to decide for yourself if you can. But I would say, meet first before making all these plans for the future. So that you mitigate any potential of being disappointed if it should not progress.

Thank you for this. I value thorough responses with direct advice. I hardly ever vent to anyone about anything so I apologize for the written verbal vomit. I know better for next time. I’ll take everything into account and work on being less suffocating. Thanks again!

Posted by Marai

What an essay, I would go into my shell too if I get a text that looks like this. Keep it short and light. Let him chase you a bit too. It will keep the fun.

How long are you dating?

I’ve never written him anything as long as this post, & he’s certainly one to write hefty messages in great length but again, as aforementioned- I never vent to anyone so I’m sorry for the written verbal vomit.

Posted by aquariancrybaby

Posted by Marai

What an essay, I would go into my shell too if I get a text that looks like this. Keep it short and light. Let him chase you a bit too. It will keep the fun.

How long are you dating?

I’ve never written him anything as long as this post, & he’s certainly one to write hefty messages in great length but again, as aforementioned- I never vent to anyone so I’m sorry for the written verbal vomit.

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Honestly, it was just the OP that needed paragraphs. If anyone actually took the time to read your post, they would see that this wasn't your normal fashion of communicating with him. Matter of fact, this week alone, when he was busy, you only messaged him a handful of times on Sunday, and again yesterday, once. If you are being truthful about this, you aren't being overly oppressing or clingy.

However, you are internally tailspining emotionally, yourself. I don't see you as clingy, but you are going into scarcity mentality due to his lack of communication. I would explain to him, the next time you talk to him, after his schedule is less complicated, you would appreciate just a check in to say hi occasionally if he wants to further whatever it is that you guys are doing currently. The lack of communication for extended periods of time, bother you.

For now, relax, and focus on work.

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by aquariancrybaby

Posted by Marai

What an essay, I would go into my shell too if I get a text that looks like this. Keep it short and light. Let him chase you a bit too. It will keep the fun.

How long are you dating?

I’ve never written him anything as long as this post, & he’s certainly one to write hefty messages in great length but again, as aforementioned- I never vent to anyone so I’m sorry for the written verbal vomit.

Honestly, it was just the OP that needed paragraphs. If anyone actually took the time to read your post, they would see that this wasn't your normal fashion of communicating with him. Matter of fact, this week alone, when he was busy, you only messaged him a handful of times on Sunday, and again yesterday, once. If you are being truthful about this, you aren't being overly oppressing or clingy.

However, you are internally tailspining emotionally, yourself. I don't see you as clingy, but you are going into scarcity mentality due to his lack of communication. I would explain to him, the next time you talk to him, after his schedule is less complicated, you would appreciate just a check in to say hi occasionally if he wants to further whatever it is that you guys are doing currently. The lack of communication for extended periods of time, bother you.

For now, relax, and focus on work.

click to expand

This was really kind of you, thank you. I had only messaged him maybe four times in the since his message Saturday & I was feeling really crap about it after the feedback on here as it’s not my usual M.O to be so long winded. I will definitely do as you suggested, if you have any advice on how to word that in a way that’ll be received well let me know! ❤️

Posted by aquariancrybaby

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by aquariancrybaby

Posted by Marai

What an essay, I would go into my shell too if I get a text that looks like this. Keep it short and light. Let him chase you a bit too. It will keep the fun.

How long are you dating?

I’ve never written him anything as long as this post, & he’s certainly one to write hefty messages in great length but again, as aforementioned- I never vent to anyone so I’m sorry for the written verbal vomit.

Honestly, it was just the OP that needed paragraphs. If anyone actually took the time to read your post, they would see that this wasn't your normal fashion of communicating with him. Matter of fact, this week alone, when he was busy, you only messaged him a handful of times on Sunday, and again yesterday, once. If you are being truthful about this, you aren't being overly oppressing or clingy.

However, you are internally tailspining emotionally, yourself. I don't see you as clingy, but you are going into scarcity mentality due to his lack of communication. I would explain to him, the next time you talk to him, after his schedule is less complicated, you would appreciate just a check in to say hi occasionally if he wants to further whatever it is that you guys are doing currently. The lack of communication for extended periods of time, bother you.

For now, relax, and focus on work.

This was really kind of you, thank you. I had only messaged him maybe four times in the since his message Saturday & I was feeling really crap about it after the feedback on here as it’s not my usual M.O to be so long winded. I will definitely do as you suggested, if you have any advice on how to word that in a way that’ll be received well let me know! ❤️

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I would probably keep it short myself. Something that shows you care, but also that you are not just waiting around.

"I know you have been busy, and I hope you are taking care of yourself. Can't wait to hear from you, when you have time!"

Do you often find that your attracted to emotionally and otherwise unavailable men?

Why are people coming for me as if I’ve personally offended them?

Posted by LadyNeptune

Do you often find that your attracted to emotionally and otherwise unavailable men?

I get that you probably weren’t looking for a legitimate response; but I’m a tattooist who works internationally 6 months out of the year and 80 hour work weeks when I’m not on the road. I’m a mother, and I just finished grad school. I’m normally the unavailable one and traditionally it’s convenient to have partners of the similar graft. If this was meant to evoke actual introspection then fair enough. If it was done to make an already crap situation and week worse, well played but unnecessary.

Posted by Black-Mamba

Posted by aquariancrybaby

Posted by LadyNeptune

Do you often find that your attracted to emotionally and otherwise unavailable men?

I get that you probably weren’t looking for a legitimate response; but I’m a tattooist who works internationally 6 months out of the year and 80 hour work weeks when I’m not on the road. I’m a mother, and I just finished grad school. I’m normally the unavailable one and traditionally it’s convenient to have partners of the similar graft. If this was meant to evoke actual introspection then fair enough. If it was done to make an already crap situation and week worse, well played but unnecessary.

graduate studies in what?

kudos. Respect on your hussle and being a mom

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Architecture at Cambridge. Thank you. It’s been real and fun but not real fun to finish.

Posted by aquariancrybaby

Posted by LadyNeptune

Do you often find that your attracted to emotionally and otherwise unavailable men?

I get that you probably weren’t looking for a legitimate response; but I’m a tattooist who works internationally 6 months out of the year and 80 hour work weeks when I’m not on the road. I’m a mother, and I just finished grad school. I’m normally the unavailable one and traditionally it’s convenient to have partners of the similar graft. If this was meant to evoke actual introspection then fair enough. If it was done to make an already crap situation and week worse, well played but unnecessary.

click to expand

Off topic, but can I see your tattoo portfolio? I may or may not be a tattoo addict.

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by aquariancrybaby

Posted by LadyNeptune

Do you often find that your attracted to emotionally and otherwise unavailable men?

I get that you probably weren’t looking for a legitimate response; but I’m a tattooist who works internationally 6 months out of the year and 80 hour work weeks when I’m not on the road. I’m a mother, and I just finished grad school. I’m normally the unavailable one and traditionally it’s convenient to have partners of the similar graft. If this was meant to evoke actual introspection then fair enough. If it was done to make an already crap situation and week worse, well played but unnecessary.

Off topic, but can I see your tattoo portfolio? I may or may not be a tattoo addict.

click to expand

Yeah, we could probably sort that! I mostly do NeoTrad, Illustrative Realism, Portraitures & Bespoke if you’re into those.

Posted by aquariancrybaby

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by aquariancrybaby

Posted by LadyNeptune

Do you often find that your attracted to emotionally and otherwise unavailable men?

I get that you probably weren’t looking for a legitimate response; but I’m a tattooist who works internationally 6 months out of the year and 80 hour work weeks when I’m not on the road. I’m a mother, and I just finished grad school. I’m normally the unavailable one and traditionally it’s convenient to have partners of the similar graft. If this was meant to evoke actual introspection then fair enough. If it was done to make an already crap situation and week worse, well played but unnecessary.

Off topic, but can I see your tattoo portfolio? I may or may not be a tattoo addict.

Yeah, we could probably sort that! I mostly do NeoTrad, Illustrative Realism, Portraitures & Bespoke if you’re into those.

click to expand

I am into Illustrative Realism. I have a few pieces now of that.

Posted by aquariancrybaby

Posted by pinkbird03

After attempting to read the beginning of this and struggling to follow it for many different reasons, I couldn’t handle how much you type and I’d go silent on you too. Try the less is more approach.

Harsh but I’ll take it, and I genuinely appreciate the feedback. It’s been noted.

click to expand

I gave you an honest cancer opinion. It wasn’t meant to be harsh. Sorry. I have a Scorpio Moon and I’ve had trouble holding back my amount texting so I can relate. You don’t want to overwhelm anyone. It’s not your intention, but it just happens. I get it.

Posted by aquariancrybaby

Posted by LadyNeptune

Do you often find that your attracted to emotionally and otherwise unavailable men?

I get that you probably weren’t looking for a legitimate response; but I’m a tattooist who works internationally 6 months out of the year and 80 hour work weeks when I’m not on the road. I’m a mother, and I just finished grad school. I’m normally the unavailable one and traditionally it’s convenient to have partners of the similar graft. If this was meant to evoke actual introspection then fair enough. If it was done to make an already crap situation and week worse, well played but unnecessary.

click to expand

Yeah it was a serious question