Having kids, yay or nay?

So far, Libra and I are leaning more towards nay, and the more we wait, the more we seem to find reasons not to become parents, so here a question to those of you who are already parents; in all honesty....if you could turn back time, would you still choose to become a parent? I know it's a tricky question to be truly honest about, but still I'm curious about the why's, either way.

Posted by alexscaries

I've never met a single person that regrets it. I've met people who regret getting married or who married the wrong person, but they still don't regret having children.

That's really interesting!!

Not so long ago I remember reading an article on a 1970's anonymous big scale survey on this same question, and 70% of the parents responded they REGRETTED it! :O

Posted by Erinelda

Posted by alexscaries

I've never met a single person that regrets it. I've met people who regret getting married or who married the wrong person, but they still don't regret having children.

Are you sure about that? Or is it extremely taboo to admit that you'd rather not have your kids?

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IT IS still a very taboo subject to be fully open about. Childless couples are still often frowned upon.

Posted by Phantom_Dangus

Posted by Erinelda

Posted by alexscaries

I've never met a single person that regrets it. I've met people who regret getting married or who married the wrong person, but they still don't regret having children.

Are you sure about that? Or is it extremely taboo to admit that you'd rather not have your kids?

I don't think most people could even imagine regretting their kids because they love them. That doesn't mean they wouldn't have enjoyed a child-free life more if they didn't have any kids to miss.

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You would be surprised at what kind of feelings people are capable of suppressing just to conform to a certain image/ideal.

My saying is if my plan a ie.pullout dosen't work plan b sure will. Even though they raised the rates on them 50 bucks is a great option for when you want a mini me.

I don’t think I really want kids. I’m not a fan of the expenses and time I’d have to dedicate to them.

My boyfriend said if I really don’t want them when the time is right, he’ll respect that decision and still love me, but sometimes when he talks about our future he still mentions us having a kid 🤔🤔

I can’t imagine life without my kids! Has it been easy? Nope. Has it been expensive? Yep. Worth all of it. They have taught me so much. I’m very maternal though, ya know all that Cap. Also I didn’t have them until my 30’s when I was very ready.

My two cents is you don’t want them, don’t have them. Kids you need to be selfless for them. Lots of sacrifices but there is no amount of money or material objects that could make me wish I didn’t have my kiddos.

They made life so much better ❤️

I had 1 child and raised him myself. Now I have 3 male grandchildren. Yes, I would do it all over again. But I would at least ask for a female in there somewhere - but I love all 4 of my boys.

It was the most beautiful experience ever - the whole process - and actually giving birth to a baby. And I did it naturally. And I nursed him and taught him everything. No, it was never all perfect - it's not supposed to be. And when he grew up and his wife was in the hospital and giving birth to my first grandchild it was an even better experience. The whole thing -see it never ends once you increase the size of the family. The world just keeps moving on and on ...

I'm not sure I would have been happy with just a career and no kids. But that's me. I don't judge because I'm far from perfect. I do believe in the natural processes in that we are here to perpetuate the species. Procreation.

Posted by alexscaries

Posted by BoomShakalakaBoom

Posted by alexscaries

I've never met a single person that regrets it. I've met people who regret getting married or who married the wrong person, but they still don't regret having children.

That's really interesting!!

Not so long ago I remember reading an article on a 1970's anonymous big scale survey on this same question, and 70% of the parents responded they REGRETTED it! :O

Like I say it based on the people I have met and spoken to. I don't think any of them were lying.

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I doubt they were lying

Having a child is amazing.....wouldn't have missed it for the world ❤️. There is no other love like it and it makes you grow up..........fast!

I could never imagine not being a parent. I'm too nurturing and unselfish, it needs an outlet. I would be lonely in my senior years with no family. But there are plenty of people who can't have kids and I would be selfish and not adopt either, since I don't know the family history and genetics. I'm biased and arrogant with my own genetics.

If you have to ask...no!

a lot of people want children but not everyone should have children - too many are suffering in this awful world - if too many people decide to not have children there might be a shortage in the future generations but hey, maybe the planet will implode anyway so hey - do what you want to do now - you might change your mind or not but you need to live with it - no one else but you

Posted by Jade_Alexander

I don’t regret becoming a parent. It refined me in fantastic ways and I find it very fulfilling.

I regret having them so young and so many

I also choose poorly for a life partner



Honestly one kid doesn't really change things much... even two wasn’t a biggie

One child was incredibly life changing for me!!

It’s not dependant on the number but the circumstances which can be extreme

Posted by Jade_Alexander

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Jade_Alexander

I don’t regret becoming a parent. It refined me in fantastic ways and I find it very fulfilling.

I regret having them so young and so many

I also choose poorly for a life partner



Honestly one kid doesn't really change things much... even two wasn’t a biggie

One child was incredibly life changing for me!!

It’s not dependant on the number but the circumstances which can be extreme

I was thinking like being able to travel, date nights, living expenses....

I mean being a parent is HUGE

but with one we still had a lot of free time

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I never had any free time...fam were living in a different country. How did you manage to have a lot of free time being a mum...never heard anyone say that before?

Posted by nanobot

Several times a week if not every day, I experience something that makes it occur to me that I'm really glad I don't have children. When I talk to friends who were young mothers and they tell me about and I can see how much it limited them in their lives, it makes me sad for them. Most of the time, their goals have disappeared and they just settled to do the mom thing. They seem okay with it because it's all they know so it works out for them anyway

THIS. Almost word by word of what you mentioned is what my gf and I have been talking about for the past year or so. It's something we have noticed a lot more too now in our mid 30's.

We aren't afraid of "losing our freedom" but I do admit that since we have enough financial means to not having to worry about money, we choose to invest a lot of our time, energy and money in exploring our own interests, helping others (my Libra works with small children for instance) learning and growing spiritually, be it by travelling, hiking trips, attending all sorts of courses/seminars, yoga and so on. Our main priorities lie in these things, for now.

We feel like having a child would not necessarily mean we would have to stop doing all these things, but it would definitely mean we wouldn't be able to do them whenever we want (doing things spontaneously has always been important for us)

Also, In my opinion, the basic human need to "mother", nurture and protect does not necessarily have to be met by having children, there are plenty of other outlets too so we would not have children for that sole reason, nor are we afraid of "ending up alone in our senior years" (these days children aren't expected to take care of their parents in old age anyways) I feel like a lot of people have children for selfish and even sometimes nonsensical reasons. If we choose to have a child, we want it to be his/her own person as much and as soon as possible, individually and not from some sort of misplaced ego-trip of just wanting a mini-me around all the time.

We are still open to the idea of having children, but we are also every time more and more open to the idea of not having them, most of all we are digging deep to truly find out within ourselves WHY we should have children in the first place, or not.

Thanks for all the input, btw!

Posted by but_didyoudie

Posted by nanobot

Several times a week if not every day, I experience something that makes it occur to me that I'm really glad I don't have children. When I talk to friends who were young mothers and they tell me about and I can see how much it limited them in their lives, it makes me sad for them. Most of the time, their goals have disappeared and they just settled to do the mom thing. They seem okay with it because it's all they know so it works out for them anyway

How silly is that, to use having a baby to handicap yourself?

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Well, a lot of people have children simply because they believe "they missed the boat" in life already somehow and their children are supposed to make up for that, their own failures and frustrations. How fair and selfish is it to put that kind of weight on a child's shoulders?

Reading the responses is strange but interesting. I refuse, straight refuse to bring a child into this world without being certain I did everything I could to prepare--ie. Waiting until I was responsible, until I had a husband (I wont marry until I find the husband of my children if that make sense), until we were financially ready, physically ready and so on. If those things dont happen, I just refuse. I want my children to have the best chances in this fucked up world. Hell when I was a KID, i thought about how crazy it was to bring kids into the world then!! I always thought about overpopulation since I was young too. I couldnt ever be someone who bred 10+ times bc I find it irresponsible. I think responsibility and selflessness are important, as well as social responsibility. Idk I felt like the only thing I would be good at as a kid was being a mom--Im born on the day of nurturing support and all, but it just hasnt happened yet. And if it doesnt ever, I will be sad but I wont let my emotions cause me to bring a child into this world without the best chances I can think of. There are plenty of children already here that need nurturing and dont get it! How they are raised makes a lot of difference in the adult they become.

Choosing not to have children for philosophical reasons is acceptable, but not having them because of "life goals" is the most dumb and pretentious thing ever.

Raising children is the only non childish and non-pertentious thing someone can do in their life. and if you can't manage career and family, then you shouldn't even try with career.

One has to be to be very full of themself to think that pursuing whatever goal is more important than nature's order and they'll make a sad old person.

No not really. Probably because I was born without parents. Though I love family and believe it very much there is no person on this planet I would trust to have a child with that I've met so far at the age for 29. It could change but doubtful.

I have two dogs now because of the Pisces and it definitely feels like a family and its quite enough for me.

The financial burden is also something I do not want to carry. I'm very selfish with money

Posted by Redbull

Posted by tctaap

a lot of people want children but not everyone should have children - too many are suffering in this awful world - if too many people decide to not have children there might be a shortage in the future generations but hey, maybe the planet will implode anyway so hey - do what you want to do now - you might change your mind or not but you need to live with it - no one else but you

Good advice luckily I never wanted kids. Im about to go to work cause I gotta work. Thing is Im single no kids and have to borrow a car. Why? One day my truck didnt start. I changed the fuel pump. Still no start. Could be anything fuel to ignition related down to some obscure sensor somewhere. Its an old truck so no code reader to try to make it simple. I cant bear any more bills and I gotta save up for this. right now Im the first to say my hands are full with just me. This truck thing is pretty aggravating and thats pretty much the most pressing thing on my plate right now.

I try to minimize stress and expenses for instance bought my house cash but maintenance and improvements even then=expensive. Not necessarily expensive as mortgage true. For whatever reason I always thought those types of things through but cant predict the future but its not hard for me to tell whats too expensive and more than I can handle a lot of times. To each their own but thats my stance and one thing there is fortunately for me no confusion on. I have no desire for that.

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It so expensive just to fucking live

And even if you make some good coin your taxed to fucking hell. At least here in the states

Can't you guys just read your natal chart to see if it tells you your future anyway? lulz

I don't have kids. However I have a VERY very close friend... I'd call her a mentor. She has had 2 marriages and one was with a famous musician. Translation: she gots monies.

She never wanted kids. Now, in her 50s, she desperately wants kiddos. But as she never froze her eggs so she can't pursue the biological route. So she is going through the adoption process and it is HELL.

She's beat into my head that I should freeze my eggs and have the OPTION for the future. Because you never know...

That being said, we (gem and I) spent a few days at our mutual friends house this past week/weekend. They are #couplegoals for sure. Also in their early 50s, very successful and have a beautiful life together, no kids (they did try but weren't able to). Beautiful house overlooking the pacific. Stunning ranch in fallbrook, multiple acres, with horse property (wow expensive hobby...I never knew) and they travel alot.

After 26 years of marriage (this thursday actually...huge milestone) and over 32 years together you can tell they genuinely like each other which is a feat in and of itself.

Not saying you can't keep the love with your partner if you have kids. But it definitely appears to be an easier road as you have less financial worries (kids are pricey af!) more time for each other and yourself as an individual.

I guess in conclusion... I know for myself I'm going to freeze my omelets once I reach 35 (will start the process at 33... 2 more years) so that I can focus on my career NOW cause I'm blowing up. Basically have options so your not shutting that door entirely.

Forgot to add... my older sister just had her first and last. She is insanely in love with this little man.

But its a good thing she waited for her mid 30s to have a kiddo as she has rental properties and air b n b's her downstairs unit where she's living to bring in passive income and be able to be there for these formidable years.

Growing up my mom was our rock. She exposed me to so many great experiences, sports, activities. She nurtured my creativity. I would not be the person I am today if she was working and I was being raised by child care facilities. So this is also something that weighs on my mind because IF I was to have a kid I'd want to be in a place where I could focus on them and not battle with guilt cause I'm working to pay a mortgage and put food on the table.

Its a different world we live in compared to our parents tho. Factoring inflation, I am making 20-30% more than my father did at my age. And on his salary he could afford a house in a decent area, 3 vehicles, a stay at home wife, and 5 kids.

Posted by Black-Mamba

The discussion here is so cold and calculating, you can tell the effects of growing up in a Western country.

I find it amusing that the people having the most children are the one's who can't afford it, but people like Boom who have the money are choosing to pass the opportunity up.

I wish the world were more "cold and calculating", that way we wouldn't be dealing with what's possibly the biggest problem in the world right now: overpopulation.

Posted by nanobot

@black-mamba I agree with your last 2 posts. Americans lack in the strong family unit department. In such a way that it had zero impact on me when much of my family has died. But that boils down to bad childhoods, abusive families, ie people reproducing when they should not have

And yes, millenials are altering marriage trends and we won't see the true effect of that until we age more. However, I will say that most of the people I knew personally from high school that got married (a lot), age 30 now, are divorced 1-3 times generally.

Yep I've noticed the same.

On the flip side the couples I know with successful marriages are waiting to have kids and have been with each other 8+ years before getting married. My friends sister just got engaged to the dude she's been with 10 years and they are gonna use the next 2 years to travel before popping out babies.

The divorce rate has gone down because millennials are waiting to get married. Not on the 18month-24month time period of meet the person/get married that baby boomers are. Plus we experienced divorce first hand through our parents and aren't in a rush to repeat their mistakes.

Posted by Black-Mamba

Posted by LadyNeptune

Forgot to add... my older sister just had her first and last. She is insanely in love with this little man.

But its a good thing she waited for her mid 30s to have a kiddo as she has rental properties and air b n b's her downstairs unit where she's living to bring in passive income and be able to be there for these formidable years.

Growing up my mom was our rock. She exposed me to so many great experiences, sports, activities. She nurtured my creativity. I would not be the person I am today if she was working and I was being raised by child care facilities. So this is also something that weighs on my mind because IF I was to have a kid I'd want to be in a place where I could focus on them and not battle with guilt cause I'm working to pay a mortgage and put food on the table.

Its a different world we live in compared to our parents tho. Factoring inflation, I am making 20-30% more than my father did at my age. And on his salary he could afford a house in a decent area, 3 vehicles, a stay at home wife, and 5 kids.

times are definitely different.

what are the couple's in their 50s zodiac signs?

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He's a Pisces, shes cap. Idk about the rest of their chart tho

My friend exploring adoption is a Gemini.

Its interesting... we hung out with another of the gem's friends this weekend on the boat. He's also a Pisces. Gem's dad is a Pisces, hes super close with him. He's surrounded by water.

Go for it!!.. by the looks of your house you look like you'd be a fun parent.

Live with no regrets..

I think of this a lot actually.

Sometimes I do want children, other times I'm perfectly okay with the idea of being a dog-lady. I think the responsibility of rearing an entire being is kind of intimidating.

And I love shopping..



I do know people believe their children are complete life savers.

My old co-worker swore up and down against children. She actually is NOT in ANY way a kid person. But right before I left that place for my current position, she had gotten pregnant, (you could literally see the idea of motherhood growing on her) given birth,

and did a complete turn around. Now she says she wants many!

I can see how much my mother loves me and the lengths she goes to assure my well-being, and would go to the ends of the earth for her too!

Thats another way I know the love/experience of being a mother is insurmountable and incomparable, so I stay open to the idea.

wish more people were as reflective about it, rather than diving right in bc its the societal expectation, time is running out, their hormones are driving, etc....can't really answer your question in the negative and I doubt too many parents can....

I did not personally want any children, but I've always found myself in LTRs with Cancers so I figured I'd have to cave eventually....Pretty sure my ex babytrapped me, and here we are 12 yrs later, divorced, raising my daughter 50/50....

I've only skimmed the thread, but I think it was nano talking about it hindering personal goals/passions/interests....It absolutely does IME, even with my limited time with her. In order to do a decent job, I really feel like you have to give 100% when you're with them, and it leaves very little energy for your own pursuits, unless you can incorporate them in those directly. It affects your sex life, leisure time, how you choose to destress, all of it. I feel guilty for actually feeling a sense of relief when I don't have my daughter, so I can focus on my self. Overall, I feel that its a huge and persistent sacrifice, especially if you're a more self-centered person as I am, but one you gladly make for their sake really without a second thought....

On the positive side, for me at least, I can say it opened me to categories of love and emotion I couldn't comprehend previously....all sorts of experience really - the sense of pride you feel around a job well done on anything that benefits them is greater than anything I've known from my own accomplishments, the pride you feel in them when you see positive things in their character that often even surprise you...You mentioned spirituality, and I think if you're coming from that perspective, it really broadens the spectrum, bc you're now mentoring someone along those lines which can be extremely rewarding....I know just seeing my kid embrace regular meditation more so than I even do, to ease her own anxieties has been pretty amazing and reinforced my views on its effectiveness....Its also made me more optimistic in general. I had a rough childhood, was very pessimistic for most of my life, and that just isn't her experience or nature - seeing things just work out for her, though I'm constantly fearful they won't, has been healing in and of itself wrt my view of the world...

I could ramble on, there are so many positives - it keeps you young at heart, the humor/laughter at times is so great, the joy of introducing new experience to them (like all the good 80's movies), its humbling when you see that they really are "better" than you in ways, definitely does give you a new sense of purpose, you relearn a lot in order to teach them, etc., but in the end its a very personal matter, and I would say its very risky....There is never any guarantee things will work out, and as much as it opens you up to a wider range of positives, if things go wrong, you feel it much more so than even if it was your own failure or tragedy IMO....

my baby:

I have a cat.

Oh wow.. whomever doesn't want their kids let me have them. I'll take really good care of them and no take backs when they become successful in life.

Posted by BoomShakalakaBoom

Also, In my opinion, the basic human need to "mother", nurture and protect does not necessarily have to be met by having children, there are plenty of other outlets too so we would not have children for that sole reason

agree with this...actually in some astrological theory, particularly stuff I've read on North Nodes, as it involves purpose/fulfillment in life, procreation and creation are seen as two sides of the same coin - just enhancing/expressing your own creativity in life can supplement that procreative drive...

current SO has North Node in Cancer, which apparently has the strongest desire to procreate of any placement (I've never met a woman who wants her own kid this bad), so I try to keep her creative side as tied up as I can with arts and crafts....she likes puzzles so I keep buying her really difficult ones lmao...

Posted by Black-Mamba

Posted by Metatron

Posted by BoomShakalakaBoom

Also, In my opinion, the basic human need to "mother", nurture and protect does not necessarily have to be met by having children, there are plenty of other outlets too so we would not have children for that sole reason

agree with this...actually in some astrological theory, particularly stuff I've read on North Nodes, as it involves purpose/fulfillment in life, procreation and creation are seen as two sides of the same coin - just enhancing/expressing your own creativity in life can supplement that procreative drive...

current SO has North Node in Cancer, which apparently has the strongest desire to procreate of any placement (I've never met a woman who wants her own kid this bad), so I try to keep her creative side as tied up as I can with arts and crafts....she likes puzzles so I keep buying her really difficult ones lmao...

You're wasting her birth years

Don't you think that's selfish

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I don't since I'm honest about where I stand on it (I definitely do not want another kid), and from day one have told her the door is open if she finds someone who does and wants to move on....we've discussed it at length and its really her decision to stay with someone who doesn't want another kid...plus, I like having just one....if I have another, it takes from my daughter, as my attention will definitely be divided...I'm very active in her life.

I dreamed of my kids all my life and I planned my kids. They are the joy in life. They are beautiful people inside and out. I remember my neighborhood and family rejoicing at us finally having a girl 7 years after our son.

I regret not having more. I cherish and reminisce over every detail of their growth.

I have a successful career and always had prospects of a successful career. They've cost me nothing that I didn't enjoy giving. I don't feel they cost hardly anything.

I'm the eldest of five kids. I had alot of practice. I managed superbly.

I want to adopt and foster cause I'm really good at this (from academic teaching to natural care) and I have so much more love to give.

Yes! I love my babies *DEARLY* ❤️❤️❤️ My son is 17 and my daughter, 11 this Friday. Beautiful, loving, smart, healthy, talented, inquisitive, gifts from God.

Posted by BoomShakalakaBoom

So far, Libra and I are leaning more towards nay, and the more we wait, the more we seem to find reasons not to become parents, so here a question to those of you who are already parents; in all honesty....if you could turn back time, would you still choose to become a parent? I know it's a tricky question to be truly honest about, but still I'm curious about the why's, either way.

Yes (for me) the children we have are sent for us to learn lessons, big lessons, they are our greatest teachers. There are plus and minuses to that for sure tho.

Posted by Metatron

Posted by BoomShakalakaBoom

Also, In my opinion, the basic human need to "mother", nurture and protect does not necessarily have to be met by having children, there are plenty of other outlets too so we would not have children for that sole reason

agree with this...actually in some astrological theory, particularly stuff I've read on North Nodes, as it involves purpose/fulfillment in life, procreation and creation are seen as two sides of the same coin - just enhancing/expressing your own creativity in life can supplement that procreative drive...

current SO has North Node in Cancer, which apparently has the strongest desire to procreate of any placement (I've never met a woman who wants her own kid this bad), so I try to keep her creative side as tied up as I can with arts and crafts....she likes puzzles so I keep buying her really difficult ones lmao...

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Why u made her sound like a cat lmao

Posted by Metatron

Posted by Black-Mamba

Posted by Metatron

Posted by BoomShakalakaBoom

Also, In my opinion, the basic human need to "mother", nurture and protect does not necessarily have to be met by having children, there are plenty of other outlets too so we would not have children for that sole reason

agree with this...actually in some astrological theory, particularly stuff I've read on North Nodes, as it involves purpose/fulfillment in life, procreation and creation are seen as two sides of the same coin - just enhancing/expressing your own creativity in life can supplement that procreative drive...

current SO has North Node in Cancer, which apparently has the strongest desire to procreate of any placement (I've never met a woman who wants her own kid this bad), so I try to keep her creative side as tied up as I can with arts and crafts....she likes puzzles so I keep buying her really difficult ones lmao...

You're wasting her birth years

Don't you think that's selfish

I don't since I'm honest about where I stand on it (I definitely do not want another kid), and from day one have told her the door is open if she finds someone who does and wants to move on....we've discussed it at length and its really her decision to stay with someone who doesn't want another kid...plus, I like having just one....if I have another, it takes from my daughter, as my attention will definitely be divided...I'm very active in her life.

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Oh I hope she experiences being a mum, it would be so selfish of you to stop her which I know you said you wouldn’t. I’d be encouraging her to live out her dream, if not she will wake up one day and be so regretful. I’d gradually let her go to find someone who shares her dream. I did that with a guy who wanted a family and I didn’t want any more kids. It’s the right thing to do at the end of the day..

(I've never met a woman who wants her own kid this bad), so I try to keep her creative side as tied up as I can with arts and crafts....

Wow, she has a need to be a mum and you’re putting yourself first ...

My opinion:

Him (not sure) + Her (yes) = no. Don't have kids. Not Ready. That is 100% okay

Him (yes) + Her (not sure) = no. Don't have kids. Not Ready. That is 100% okay

Him (yes) + Her (yes) = yes. have kids. That is 100% okay

Him (not sure) + Her (no) = no. Don't have kids. That is 100% okay

Him (no) + Her (not sure) = no. Don't have kids. That is 100% okay

Him (not sure) + Her (not sure) = no. Don't have kids. That is 100% okay. <<<

Him (no) + Her (no) = no. Don't have kids. That is 100% okay.

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Both of you should be on board in order to have kids.

Both of you should agree that it is necessary in order to have kids.

It CAN be smart decision to have kids. HOWEVER, It CAN be unsmart to have kids.

The dynamics of the relationship and life style of you both is what is important to determine this.

***If gate is open and child is brought through when one partner is unsure or doesn't want kids, huge RISK

factor and chance relationship (parents) will not remain intact and child may suffer consequences that could affect

his upbringing in negative way (imo). Difficult time harmonizing to society, challenges with adjusting to society

Harmonizing - Both Feminine(yin) and Masculine (yang) teachings are understood within child.

Possible for one parent to successfully teach child both Energies but parent must be 100% balanced with both.

ex = mom can teach son how to be a man / father can teach daughter how to be woman.

UNharmonized - unbalanced or unlearned Feminine(yin) or Masculine(yang) teachings

and so child must learn absent or unlearned energy by themselves or when ever other

parent is around which may not be consistent so process of learning is slower

ex = mom cannot teach son how to be man/ so son has trouble using his own yang energy

and having too much yin. Have trouble with ego and will search and search for self worth endlessly.

Have trouble with going forward with goals. Will remain single for a while because does not know

how to connect with his own yang energy (something women desire) bla bla bla

ex = father cannot teach daughter how to be a woman/ so daughter has trouble using her own feminine energy.

she may have trouble empathizing with others and appears way too cold. "I don't need anyone I can take care of myself" etc.

So may have hard time connecting to heart to heart or intuitive level. May not appear comforting/ too strong. bla bla bla

Nay.

Posted by BoomShakalakaBoom

So far, Libra and I are leaning more towards nay, and the more we wait, the more we seem to find reasons not to become parents, so here a question to those of you who are already parents; in all honesty....if you could turn back time, would you still choose to become a parent? I know it's a tricky question to be truly honest about, but still I'm curious about the why's, either way.

We‘d do it again! Our son was a planned pregnancy and we are so happy that we got gifted with a healthy child. We want a second child but when our son turns 4.

Despite all the hard work, sleepless nights in the beginning etc etc for us it is so worth it and we do our best to provide for him so he grows up happy, healthy and loved.

Of course it changed us as individuals and also as a couple but we manage to keep us present as a couple who needs alone time, date nights etc. our son (1.5yrs old) has a daily routine and structure, he goes to bed at 7-7.30pm and after that we have the evening just for the two of us. That was really important for us, not only giving him a secure routine but also making time for us as individuals and couple on a daily basis. We also go out on date nights 1-2x a month, every month! His grandmother comes over and we go out and have fun. To us this is essential because although our child comes first, we are not just parents but still a loving couple with needs. So we take our time and plan wisely so we stay happy and strong as a team.

for us it was the right decision which we made after many discussions and thinking and especially calculating things through. In my honest opinion this is very advisable IF you get to decide wether or not to get pregnant. Think things through - although no one and nothing will ever be/go perfect - thoughtful planing and talking about it really helps setting a good foundation to build on. Especially regarding finances, we decided to „start“ once we knew that my husband‘s income would be enough to provide for us.

I truly love being a mother/housewife/wife ❤️ and I give my all every day, I‘m proud of what I have become and how good I manage it all while our boy grows up so happy and loved. And even on bad days I‘m still happy to have what we have.

On a last note, I think that not every woman is made for this but I also believe that women who think they aren‘t meant for this would be surprised of what they are capable of. It can go both ways

Posted by PhoenixStorm

My son is the most perfect person I have met in my life, I thank God for him everyday and can’t imagine life without him now. He will be 5 in November and he’s the greatest gift I’ve received to date. There’s not a love that’s comparable.

I used to want to have more kids but I don’t think I will have any other kids besides him. Not because of anything to do with me or my son, but everything to do with the outside world.

When people talk about the hardships of parenting they talk about the simple shit, like poopy diapers or toddler tantrums, teenage rebellion . They don’t talk about the REAL hard stuff like the anxiety and worry about bringing a child up in this sick, corrupted world that only seems to be getting worse. It lays on your conscience when you think about the responsibility of bringing someone into this fucked up, already overpopulated world and it makes it hard to sleep sometimes. But then again I have anxiety. Lol so my thought process might be a little different from others.

I feel the same way about our son

Best thing I ever did....made me very strong

He's coming over for dinner tonight

((((❤️))))

No.

I haven't met anyone so far I'd wanna have children with.. Or get married to.

I don't think I ever will... Honestly.

Pretty high standards in that regard.

There's too much pressure on couples or women on having children. If you're not living your best life what makes you think creating life is smart ?

Posted by MyStarsShine

Wow, she has a need to be a mum and you’re putting yourself first ...

In a sense, yes, but firstly I don't agree that it is a need, nor does my partner. If there are any needs related to parenting I think they're more so related to the children who already exist and lack parents/resources/proper care, etc. I don't see having children as an area where you should put your own views/desires on the matter aside, and compromise as a sort of concession to someone else's dream. If its planned, I think both people should wholeheartedly want to bring another being into existence in the current state of the world, or its unfair to all parties involved. I think that should be a strong moral compulsion for everyone actually - to act according to your own desires, when it comes to having children. If they're in alignment with someone else's, great.

And its not just my desire to live my life a certain way, but also my desire to raise one child and focus on her needs w/o dividing that attention (I already lose 50% of her time, and her biological mom has her attention divided between 3 children, and often whoever she's dating). For my partner, at least currently, she's putting her desire to be with me, over her desire to be with someone she can have a child with, and as I said I don't hold her back on that. In fact, that's one of the first things we discussed when we initially got serious. I've been up front about the fact that I don't want another kid since we first met, we've discussed it at length together, with a counselor, close friends, etc., and there are all sorts of other factors and options involved. One is a discussion around adopting when my daughter moves out, which I'm somewhat more open around. We'll see how it goes, but I don't carry any guilt for not wanting to have a child w/someone. I already feel like my freedom on the matter was hindered drastically the first time around (my ex did not tell me she came off the pill).

Posted by Denali

So far the challenges have been timelines and the relationship between my partner and me, whatever problems we had before having my son they’ve only magnified.

I think having and not having children is karmic. Not in a negative sense, but whatever is needed in your life happens, whether that means experiencing children or not experiencing children.

THIS is exactly the train of thought I've been having ever since the having kids idea started.

My priority (and also my Libra's) has always been putting one another first, even before any children we would have, so I guess in a way we are a little scared of that dynamic negatively changing if we do have children. I guess in a way we'd also just be jealous of having to share that kind of attention and devotion we have for one another, with a child.

Posted by Metatron

Posted by MyStarsShine

Wow, she has a need to be a mum and you’re putting yourself first ...

In a sense, yes, but firstly I don't agree that it is a need, nor does my partner. If there are any needs related to parenting I think they're more so related to the children who already exist and lack parents/resources/proper care, etc. I don't see having children as an area where you should put your own views/desires on the matter aside, and compromise as a sort of concession to someone else's dream. If its planned, I think both people should wholeheartedly want to bring another being into existence in the current state of the world, or its unfair to all parties involved. I think that should be a strong moral compulsion for everyone actually - to act according to your own desires, when it comes to having children. If they're in alignment with someone else's, great.

And its not just my desire to live my life a certain way, but also my desire to raise one child and focus on her needs w/o dividing that attention (I already lose 50% of her time, and her biological mom has her attention divided between 3 children, and often whoever she's dating). For my partner, at least currently, she's putting her desire to be with me, over her desire to be with someone she can have a child with, and as I said I don't hold her back on that. In fact, that's one of the first things we discussed when we initially got serious. I've been up front about the fact that I don't want another kid since we first met, we've discussed it at length together, with a counselor, close friends, etc., and there are all sorts of other factors and options involved. One is a discussion around adopting when my daughter moves out, which I'm somewhat more open around. We'll see how it goes, but I don't carry any guilt for not wanting to have a child w/someone. I already feel like my freedom on the matter was hindered drastically the first time around (my ex did not tell me she came off the pill).

click to expand

You missed my point.....for lots of women there is a biological yearning to be pregnant, to carry a child, give birth and nurture that child. If they don't and then it becomes too late, it can be heartbreaking for them. I was with one of my friends who is now past childbearing years tell me how much she regretted her decision not to have a child. I really felt for her....she says she slips into a feeling of "emptiness" from time to time 😥.

I guess the lesson for men that don't want babies...always wear condoms...

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Metatron

Posted by MyStarsShine

Wow, she has a need to be a mum and you’re putting yourself first ...

In a sense, yes, but firstly I don't agree that it is a need, nor does my partner. If there are any needs related to parenting I think they're more so related to the children who already exist and lack parents/resources/proper care, etc. I don't see having children as an area where you should put your own views/desires on the matter aside, and compromise as a sort of concession to someone else's dream. If its planned, I think both people should wholeheartedly want to bring another being into existence in the current state of the world, or its unfair to all parties involved. I think that should be a strong moral compulsion for everyone actually - to act according to your own desires, when it comes to having children. If they're in alignment with someone else's, great.

And its not just my desire to live my life a certain way, but also my desire to raise one child and focus on her needs w/o dividing that attention (I already lose 50% of her time, and her biological mom has her attention divided between 3 children, and often whoever she's dating). For my partner, at least currently, she's putting her desire to be with me, over her desire to be with someone she can have a child with, and as I said I don't hold her back on that. In fact, that's one of the first things we discussed when we initially got serious. I've been up front about the fact that I don't want another kid since we first met, we've discussed it at length together, with a counselor, close friends, etc., and there are all sorts of other factors and options involved. One is a discussion around adopting when my daughter moves out, which I'm somewhat more open around. We'll see how it goes, but I don't carry any guilt for not wanting to have a child w/someone. I already feel like my freedom on the matter was hindered drastically the first time around (my ex did not tell me she came off the pill).

You missed my point.....for lots of women there is a biological yearning to be pregnant, to carry a child, give birth and nurture that child. If they don't and then it becomes too late, it can be heartbreaking for them. I was with one of my friends who is now past childbearing years tell me how much she regretted her decision not to have a child. I really felt for her....she says she slips into a feeling of "emptiness" from time to time 😥.

I guess the lesson for men that don't want babies...always wear condoms...

click to expand

I don't think I missed that point. I'd say that's all common knowledge, and as stated, that's a decision she has to make (to be with someone who wants children), and is free to make, based on her desires. I've read that condoms are only about 85% effective, so if you're only going to use one method, its not the safest. Pill is closer to 99.7 so you should probably double up.

Posted by PhoenixStorm

My son is the most perfect person I have met in my life, I thank God for him everyday and can’t imagine life without him now. He will be 5 in November and he’s the greatest gift I’ve received to date. There’s not a love that’s comparable.

I used to want to have more kids but I don’t think I will have any other kids besides him. Not because of anything to do with me or my son, but everything to do with the outside world.

When people talk about the hardships of parenting they talk about the simple shit, like poopy diapers or toddler tantrums, teenage rebellion . They don’t talk about the REAL hard stuff like the anxiety and worry about bringing a child up in this sick, corrupted world that only seems to be getting worse. It lays on your conscience when you think about the responsibility of bringing someone into this fucked up, already overpopulated world and it makes it hard to sleep sometimes. But then again I have anxiety. Lol so my thought process might be a little different from others.

The hard stuff is watching them struggle. All you can do is help them get the tools, listen, be there & hopefully guide them. You want to protect them & make it all ok. To want to help them find their way when really it is their way to find. ❤️ Kinda like the anxiety of this world we live in. You just gotta take it one day at a time. 🙂