Self sabotage?

(not sure if it belongs to the relationship forum)

The question just occurred:

When I have a good time with someone and vice versa, naturally I don't mind continuing.

Then when the person says he needs space or the like, I just leave him alone even though I'd like to stay.

Does that look like a self sabotaging behaviour?

No that’s not self sabotage.

They’re the ones asking for distance, not you.

Posted by Anihp

(not sure if it belongs to the relationship forum)

The question just occurred:

When I have a good time with someone and vice versa, naturally I don't mind continuing.

Then when the person says he needs space or the like, I just leave him alone even though I'd like to stay.

Does that look like a self sabotaging behaviour?

No, but it doesn't look like self-empowerment either, imo

I dont really get people who ask for distance.

Either you're in or you're out.

Posted by LadyNeptune

No that’s not self sabotage.

They’re the ones asking for distance, not you.

Thanks, but by self sabotaging I meant if I put others before my

own (feelings especially) 🙂

If someone is asking for space, leave them and give them alllllll the space they want. Relationships and companionship of any kind are all about wanting company. If you want space, stay alone and in your corner by yourself.

Posted by TheApparition

Posted by Anihp

(not sure if it belongs to the relationship forum)

The question just occurred:

When I have a good time with someone and vice versa, naturally I don't mind continuing.

Then when the person says he needs space or the like, I just leave him alone even though I'd like to stay.

Does that look like a self sabotaging behaviour?

No, but it doesn't look like self-empowerment either, imo

click to expand

Agree with you! I did that out of respect, even though my got hurt badly when it happened for the first time

Posted by DMV

I dont really get people who ask for distance.

Either you're in or you're out.

I suppose it has something to do with his Virgo Sun+Aquarius Moon

Posted by aquarius09

If someone is asking for space, leave them and give them alllllll the space they want. Relationships and companionship of any kind are all about wanting company. If you want space, stay alone and in your corner by yourself.

Wait, he has Aquarius Moon like you😆 And he seems to understand himself pretty well as he even stated for how long. I always gave space by being passive

Posted by Anihp

Posted by LadyNeptune

No that’s not self sabotage.

They’re the ones asking for distance, not you.

Thanks, but by self sabotaging I meant if I put others before my

own (feelings especially) 🙂

click to expand

If someone’s not feeling you, vomiting your feelings on them isn’t going to change that. Still not self sabotage tho.

Self sabotage is when (for example) people say ‘we should just break up’ when in reality they don’t want that at all.

Posted by Anihp

Posted by TheApparition

Posted by Anihp

(not sure if it belongs to the relationship forum)

The question just occurred:

When I have a good time with someone and vice versa, naturally I don't mind continuing.

Then when the person says he needs space or the like, I just leave him alone even though I'd like to stay.

Does that look like a self sabotaging behaviour?

No, but it doesn't look like self-empowerment either, imo

Agree with you! I did that out of respect, even though my got hurt badly when it happened for the first time

click to expand

You should always try to be as respectful to others as possible, but you still have an obligation to respect yourself as well. Some of the strongest people are born out of adversity. Take it this experience, your thoughts, your feelings, and carry them with you good or bad so if you ever find yourself in this position again you will be better equipped to handle the situation in a way that you too can be satisfied.

Given your post history regarding this same said person, yes it’s self sabotage still wanting someone who continues to hurt you. You clearly want more time with this person who does not want to give you what you’d internally consider enough. That is very sad. Work on your self esteem and self respect and find someone who will give you the attention and adoration you really crave.

On a side note, what’s with all these self pity scorpio sun and scorpio moon threads.

Posted by Anihp

Posted by aquarius09

If someone is asking for space, leave them and give them alllllll the space they want. Relationships and companionship of any kind are all about wanting company. If you want space, stay alone and in your corner by yourself.

Wait, he has Aquarius Moon like you😆 And he seems to understand himself pretty well as he even stated for how long. I always gave space by being passive

click to expand

I love my space and solitude so I don’t get involved with stage 5 clingers and people who have hobbies or career. I’m not someone who needs my partner around 24/7. Having said that, I still want communication with them even if they aren’t around.

I don’t understand the context of why he’s asking you for space.

I’ve only had to ask for space from this one dude who I misread as independent when we was very co-dependent. Context would be helpful.

Posted by TheApparition

Posted by Anihp

Posted by TheApparition

Posted by Anihp

(not sure if it belongs to the relationship forum)

The question just occurred:

When I have a good time with someone and vice versa, naturally I don't mind continuing.

Then when the person says he needs space or the like, I just leave him alone even though I'd like to stay.

Does that look like a self sabotaging behaviour?

No, but it doesn't look like self-empowerment either, imo

Agree with you! I did that out of respect, even though my got hurt badly when it happened for the first time

You should always try to be as respectful to others as possible, but you still have an obligation to respect yourself as well. Some of the strongest people are born out of adversity. Take it this experience, your thoughts, your feelings, and carry them with you good or bad so if you ever find yourself in this position again you will be better equipped to handle the situation in a way that you too can be satisfied.

click to expand

I feel you, as it's kind of what I went through lately, even though the relationship failed, I still can't be sure if it's all my fault since I can't help being in his shoes often. Currently I don't want to be with (even just hang out) any man, but I'm kind of worried that I'd be even guarded next time

Posted by Anihp

(not sure if it belongs to the relationship forum)

The question just occurred:

When I have a good time with someone and vice versa, naturally I don't mind continuing.

Then when the person says he needs space or the like, I just leave him alone even though I'd like to stay.

Does that look like a self sabotaging behaviour?

No, that's not self-sabotage. What you describe sounds more like "fear of abandonment".

Posted by SassyKiwi

Given your post history regarding this same said person, yes it’s self sabotage still wanting someone who continues to hurt you. You clearly want more time with this person who does not want to give you what you’d internally consider enough. That is very sad. Work on your self esteem and self respect and find someone who will give you the attention and adoration you really crave.

On a side note, what’s with all these self pity scorpio sun and scorpio moon threads.

Thank you for checking my previous post, haha.

Don't quite understand the side note, did you mean it's a Scorpio thing? I do think so actually, but at the same time I also want to release myself from the obsession

Posted by aquarius09

Posted by Anihp

Posted by aquarius09

If someone is asking for space, leave them and give them alllllll the space they want. Relationships and companionship of any kind are all about wanting company. If you want space, stay alone and in your corner by yourself.

Wait, he has Aquarius Moon like you😆 And he seems to understand himself pretty well as he even stated for how long. I always gave space by being passive

I love my space and solitude so I don’t get involved with stage 5 clingers and people who have hobbies or career. I’m not someone who needs my partner around 24/7. Having said that, I still want communication with them even if they aren’t around.

I don’t understand the context of why he’s asking you for space.

I’ve only had to ask for space from this one dude who I misread as independent when we was very co-dependent. Context would be helpful.

click to expand

I think I'm clingy but I don't SAY it. And I can understand that everyone needs his or her own space from time to time, just it never happened to me before, especially when everything was fine ("sweet"), and he said so, my reaction was leaving his place right away because of feeling humiliated. Honestly, it's my issue: insufficient self confidence, that's why I hardly initiated. And that incident proved my concern.

He contacted me afterwards (probably in accord with the period he needed), and it took some time for me to talk about it myself, and that kind of "request" never happened again, but at first I started to pack after staying for 1 day just in case, he stopped me of course.

Posted by neves

Posted by Anihp

(not sure if it belongs to the relationship forum)

The question just occurred:

When I have a good time with someone and vice versa, naturally I don't mind continuing.

Then when the person says he needs space or the like, I just leave him alone even though I'd like to stay.

Does that look like a self sabotaging behaviour?

No, that's not self-sabotage. What you describe sounds more like "fear of abandonment".

click to expand

Thanks, I do have that issue, and it kind of happened