meh
@m3h
7 Years
Comments: 19 ¡ Posts: 153 ¡ Topics: 7
Do you believe in "tough love"?
I'm okay with tough love. I'm pretty blunt myself. I think tone and word choice has a lot to do with it also.
My boyfriend told me "if you get fat, were going to just be friends" then he said "wow, that was mean, is it bad that I meant it?!"
I don't know for me it's motivation.
Maybe I'm just better at taking shit , in some aspects
My boyfriend told me "if you get fat, were going to just be friends" then he said "wow, that was mean, is it bad that I meant it?!"
I don't know for me it's motivation.
Maybe I'm just better at taking shit , in some aspects
Posted by RockyMountainOystersPosted by m3h
If a loved one or a partner tells you "you're getting fat and need to lose weight", would you think of this as something inappropriate / hurtful, or as way of telling you they care about your health?
What's your sign?
That's not tough love.. That's being a dick.
Taurusclick to expand
My Taurus girlfriend thinks the same way.
Posted by Boots1313
I'm okay with tough love. I'm pretty but myself. I think tone and word choice has a lot to do with it also.
My boyfriend told me "if you get fat, were going to just be friends" then he said "wow, that was mean, is it bad that I meant it?!"
I don't know for me it's motivation.
Maybe I'm just better at taking butter , in some aspects
That's true, tone and word would make a difference at first. (How we'll process the information.)
And how we take the message might vary.
Sounds like you guys were having a playful conversation.
At least he was also being honest.
Posted by Senorita_LLP2Posted by m3h
If a loved one or a partner tells you "you're getting fat and need to lose weight", would you think of this as something inappropriate / hurtful, or as way of telling you they care about your health?
What's your sign?
I'll take that as a challenge and will make sure I lose some fats! Try being with a Sag, they are blunt like that. LooooL!
Gemini sun
click to expand
Lol. Reminds me of my aunt...no filter whatsoever.
Posted by MademoiselleFisk
I will eat 3 doughnuts in a single seating while staring at your face
I see your 3 donuts and raise you two more + hot cocoa.
Posted by m3h
If a loved one or a partner tells you "you're getting fat and need to lose weight", would you think of this as something inappropriate / hurtful, or as way of telling you they care about your health?
What's your sign?
Duh, my sun sign and other info is on my tagline. The latter.
đ¤ cyber hugs!
Love,
Eva
PS: Peeps have got to take constructive criticism with a grain of salt. My mom had mentioned to me I was gaining weight (one can tell with my facial features). Did I cry? No. Did I not speak to her for the rest of my life? No. Did I get offended? No. What did I do? Yep! (went back on my diet, watched what I ate/drank, exercised, etc); even though this was years ago; I bet her to the punch before she tells me again this time around when I notice my facial features AND my clothes đ
Posted by MademoiselleFisk
Tactless. But I grew up with an Asian mother, so i'm used to it... and you can ask her if being rude about it ever got me to do things.
That's a great way of putting it. Culture definitely has a lot to do with it. Did her approach make you want to do the complete opposite?
Posted by MademoiselleFisk
I will eat 3 doughnuts in a single seating while staring at your faceclick to expand
Ahaha. Love this!
Posted by RockyMountainOystersPosted by m3hPosted by RockyMountainOystersPosted by m3h
If a loved one or a partner tells you "you're getting fat and need to lose weight", would you think of this as something inappropriate / hurtful, or as way of telling you they care about your health?
What's your sign?
That's not tough love.. That's being a dick.
Taurus
My Taurus girlfriend thinks the same way.
Like Boots said, its how things are worded and the tone used. Saying you're fat you need to lose weight is superficial. If you say your blood pressure is through the roof and I want to keep you around a little while you need to work on that, its the exact same messageclick to expand
Aha I suppose so, but if you rephrase it that way it's not really tough love anymore.
Posted by EvatheDiva52Posted by m3h
If a loved one or a partner tells you "you're getting fat and need to lose weight", would you think of this as something inappropriate / hurtful, or as way of telling you they care about your health?
What's your sign?
Duh, my sun sign and other info is on my tagline. The latter.
cyber hugs!
Love,
Eva
PS: Peeps have got to take constructive criticism with a grain of salt. My mom had mentioned to me I was gaining weight (one can tell with my facial features). Did I cry? No. Did I not speak to her for the rest of my life? No. Did I get offended? No. What did I do? Yep! (went back on my diet, watched what I ate/drank, exercised, etc); even though this was years ago; I bet her to the punch before she tells me again this time around when I notice my facial features AND my clothesclick to expand
Aha sounds like a great motivation for you. I guess for some people there's a distinction between a loved one saying "you're gaining weight" and "you're getting fat".
There's tough love and there's tactless. I am a believer in sensitive tough love I guess. Just being realistic with someone yet really listening to how they feel.
Taurus sun
Taurus sun
Posted by iridium
Thats my Cap moon mother. Took me years to get used to it. My favorite one is saying I should ask dad for a nose job
Yikes. Was she joking?
Did you tell her that it could be from her genes?
Posted by AbbyNormal
There's tough love and there's tactless. I am a believer in sensitive tough love I guess. Just being realistic with someone yet really listening to how they feel.
Taurus sun
What would be a sensitive way of doing tough love?
It's a bit hard for me to imagine.
Posted by MademoiselleFiskPosted by Mr_PinchyPosted by MademoiselleFisk
I will eat 3 doughnuts in a single seating while staring at your face
I see your 3 donuts and raise you two more + hot cocoa.
lol. Then inadvertently developing type 2 diabetes for being spiteful.click to expand
Type 2 diabetes is a small price to pay for making my dear mother⢠foam at the mouth at every sitting. đđđ
Yes, but it's all in your delivery. You need to finesse the tough love to majority of people. Some can take it straight though.
Basically you need to know you audience...
Basically you need to know you audience...
Posted by WeetzieBat
By the way, "tough love" is for someone who is harming themselves and needs an intervention before they do real damage, like someone who is an addict. Getting a little fat is hardly harming oneself, although getting seriously obese could be.
How can you know where to draw the line?
Posted by RockyMountainOystersPosted by m3h
If a loved one or a partner tells you "you're getting fat and need to lose weight", would you think of this as something inappropriate / hurtful, or as way of telling you they care about your health?
What's your sign?
That's not tough love.. That's being a dick.
Taurusclick to expand
I second that.
Taurus
Posted by LostinmyMind11
Yes, but it's all in your delivery. You need to finesse the tough love to majority of people. Some can take it straight though.
Basically you need to know you audience...
That's a good point. For some, it's hard to see how the message will be perceived by the other person. or just don't care how the message will come across because the message is the same.
Posted by iridiumPosted by m3hNo. Iâve asked her before and she said she just didnât expect me to take it that wayPosted by iridium
Thats my Cap moon mother. Took me years to get used to it. My favorite one is saying I should ask dad for a nose job
Yikes. Was she joking?
Did you tell her that it could be from her genes?
Sheâs had a nose job to correct something I donât haveclick to expand
Ohh. Lol.
Maybe she was projecting her insecurities on you at that time when she said it.
Posted by WeetzieBatPosted by m3hPosted by WeetzieBat
By the way, "tough love" is for someone who is harming themselves and needs an intervention before they do real damage, like someone who is an addict. Getting a little fat is hardly harming oneself, although getting seriously obese could be.
How can you know where to draw the line?
What is your motivation for bringing it up? Do you really think this is a health issue or is it a matter of finding her less attractive?
Do you really think you are alerting her to something she hasn't noticed? I'd say she's hyper-aware of it, so you telling her does nothing except make her feel bad.click to expand
I see. That's understandable.
Guess for some people tough love is with well-intention, but isn't sensitive of how the message-receiver will perceive the message or isn't sensitive to what the person may think.
Posted by m3h
If a loved one or a partner tells you "you're getting fat and need to lose weight", would you think of this as something inappropriate / hurtful, or as way of telling you they care about your health?
What's your sign?
I think most people who comment on their partners gaining weight don't do it out of consideration for their health, no matter how they put it.
Posted by m3hPosted by EvatheDiva52Posted by m3h
If a loved one or a partner tells you "you're getting fat and need to lose weight", would you think of this as something inappropriate / hurtful, or as way of telling you they care about your health?
What's your sign?
Duh, my sun sign and other info is on my tagline. The latter.
cyber hugs!
Love,
Eva
PS: Peeps have got to take constructive criticism with a grain of salt. My mom had mentioned to me I was gaining weight (one can tell with my facial features). Did I cry? No. Did I not speak to her for the rest of my life? No. Did I get offended? No. What did I do? Yep! (went back on my diet, watched what I ate/drank, exercised, etc); even though this was years ago; I bet her to the punch before she tells me again this time around when I notice my facial features AND my clothes
Aha sounds like a great motivation for you. I guess for some people there's a distinction between a loved one saying "you're gaining weight" and "you're getting fat".click to expand
Same difference Doll...POTATOE POTATO tomatoe/tomato
đ¤ cyber hugs!
Love,
Eva
PS: Read on your zodiac sign; Piscean (women) are prone to gain weight (so are female Taureans). Eva shrugs shoulders.
Posted by m3hPosted by EvatheDiva52Posted by m3h
If a loved one or a partner tells you "you're getting fat and need to lose weight", would you think of this as something inappropriate / hurtful, or as way of telling you they care about your health?
What's your sign?
Duh, my sun sign and other info is on my tagline. The latter.
cyber hugs!
Love,
Eva
PS: Peeps have got to take constructive criticism with a grain of salt. My mom had mentioned to me I was gaining weight (one can tell with my facial features). Did I cry? No. Did I not speak to her for the rest of my life? No. Did I get offended? No. What did I do? Yep! (went back on my diet, watched what I ate/drank, exercised, etc); even though this was years ago; I bet her to the punch before she tells me again this time around when I notice my facial features AND my clothes
Aha sounds like a great motivation for you. I guess for some people there's a distinction between a loved one saying "you're gaining weight" and "you're getting fat".click to expand
Same difference Doll...POTATOE POTATO tomatoe/tomato
đ¤ cyber hugs!
Love,
Eva
PS: Read on your zodiac sign; Piscean (women) are prone to gain weight (so are female Taureans). Eva shrugs shoulders.
Posted by enfant_terriblePosted by m3h
If a loved one or a partner tells you "you're getting fat and need to lose weight", would you think of this as something inappropriate / hurtful, or as way of telling you they care about your health?
What's your sign?
I think most people who comment on their partners gaining weight don't do it out of consideration for their health, no matter how they put it.click to expand
So would the people commenting on their partner's weight gain mostly be relaying a message about their attraction (or waning attraction) towards that partner?
Posted by WeetzieBatPosted by m3hPosted by WeetzieBatPosted by m3hPosted by WeetzieBat
By the way, "tough love" is for someone who is harming themselves and needs an intervention before they do real damage, like someone who is an addict. Getting a little fat is hardly harming oneself, although getting seriously obese could be.
How can you know where to draw the line?
What is your motivation for bringing it up? Do you really think this is a health issue or is it a matter of finding her less attractive?
Do you really think you are alerting her to something she hasn't noticed? I'd say she's hyper-aware of it, so you telling her does nothing except make her feel bad.
I see. That's understandable.
Guess for some people tough love is with well-intention, but isn't sensitive of how the message-receiver will perceive the message or isn't sensitive to what the person may think.
I'm kind of surprised to see I feel so strongly about this, honestly. I personally never had a weight problem, but in my world that is something you DO NOT MENTION unless you are the person's doctor.click to expand
Yeah, it's interesting in some cultures they're open to pointing out things like weight gain without problem.
Posted by m3hPosted by Boots1313
I'm okay with tough love. I'm pretty but myself. I think tone and word choice has a lot to do with it also.
My boyfriend told me "if you get fat, were going to just be friends" then he said "wow, that was mean, is it bad that I meant it?!"
I don't know for me it's motivation.
Maybe I'm just better at taking butter , in some aspects
That's true, tone and word would make a difference at first. (How we'll process the information.)
And how we take the message might vary.
Sounds like you guys were having a playful conversation.
At least he was also being honest.click to expand
Yeah we're playful 90% of the time.
When we do need to get "serious" ...we are usually fighting because then its a big deal.
I've been dealing with anxiety and co dependency recently...and at first he was enabeling, then he basically but down his hoof and said "listen, you gotta stop being a child. Because this is going to ultimately be the reason I leave you" ...tough yes, but it was a wake up call and I snapped out orbit and realized I need to really right this more.
Weird dynamic two bulls...bluntness and a lot of wit/ humor.
Posted by m3h
If a loved one or a partner tells you "you're getting fat and need to lose weight", would you think of this as something inappropriate / hurtful, or as way of telling you they care about your health?
What's your sign?
That's more like - common sense.
I would find a kind way to say it. I donât like hurting those closest to me, intentionally.
Aries
Aries
lol, growing up in a very traditional Asian household, tough love was the only kind of love I was ever exposed to. I've developed pretty thick skin as a result, so I guess I believe in it.
Posted by Boots1313
I'm okay with tough love. I'm pretty blunt myself. I think tone and word choice has a lot to do with it also.
My boyfriend told me "if you get fat, were going to just be friends" then he said "wow, that was mean, is it bad that I meant it?!"
I don't know for me it's motivation.
Maybe I'm just better at taking shit , in some aspects
He forgot to add - if you are pregnant - you better not grow that belly because itâll make me say shit I will regret...however just deal with this bump somehow so I donât see it...and if you get sick or something...just move in with your parents...I am not into sick women...and I donât mean to be a dick...I just am! But I am honest! It has to be a plus. Right?
Posted by MademoiselleFisk
Tactless. But I grew up with an Asian mother, so i'm used to it... and you can ask her if being rude about it ever got me to do things.
See my mom will just bake tons of sweets to sabatogue me. Biatch.
Jk mom I love you. Keep making those edibles.
Posted by i-xy
Tough love from my parents didn't help me at all. If anything, it created a lot of insecurities.
My moms tough love havenât helped and havenât created insecurities but it thought me when my daughter gained college weight - to not to get on her for it.
She is size 6 now 5â8â and looking amazing.
So...I donât think tough love is love!
Itâs a way for people to bully you pretending or not even pretending to enjoy being bullies!
My Moms weight is now at 5â4â more than mine at 5â7â and I AM concern for her health but I know if I was an ass as she was - I would just laugh and make comments.
But I love her. So I havenât ever showed her tough love. Itâs cruel!
And lead nowhere except hurting people you DONT LOVE!
Tough love about loving yourself and wanting to be with a pretty people...
Makes me appreciate man who fell for me when I was fat as fuck being perfect himself...
As much as I love him - one comment about my appearance would make me say good bye and dismiss him from my life!
Tough love my ass!!!
Those though lovers are all about themselves!
Love is not loving you pretty - itâs loving you because it feels at home.
Want to be tough? Kiss my fat ass!!!
Well...we all still miss it...now itâs jist an ordinary ass...should I gain weightâ Lmao
Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by MademoiselleFisk
Tactless. But I grew up with an Asian mother, so i'm used to it... and you can ask her if being rude about it ever got me to do things.
See my mom will just bake tons of sweets to sabatogue me. Biatch.
Jk mom I love you. Keep making those edibles.click to expand
It wasnât for you. And you know that! Fat young men are easier to keep from running away...lmaođ¤ŁđŚ
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