Men would you see a sex therapist?

If your partner asked you to see a sex therapist because they thought your mental out look on sex was affecting your physical and that you had issues with intimacy overall would you go?

Why it why not?

Is this something men are able to admit or would there be too much pride?

Why or why not*

Posted by ladylibra21
If your partner asked you to see a sex therapist because they thought your mental out look on sex was affecting your physical and that you had issues with intimacy overall would you go?

Why it why not?

Is this something men are able to admit or would there be too much pride?

No I'd ask her to see one cuz she's probably blame-shifting for being a snoozefest between the sheets

I am curious as to what you mean by:

Posted by ladylibra21
...your mental out look on sex was affecting your physical and that you had issues with intimacy overall...

Posted by tiziani
I would wonder what does a sex therapist do.

Unless it was Esther Perel.

Nothing more than talk.

Posted by tiziani
I would wonder what does a sex therapist do.

Unless it was Esther Perel.

Advises you to have more foreplay and stuff like that. That's what lesbians are for

Hm... tricky...

Do u mean if a guy is too much into hardcore/weirdo porn and can't engage in a normal loving lovemaking session?

I can imagine that there are men who won't get their rocks off if not hyperstimulated by porn while sexin(?) that would be a thing for me to say: dude u need help but I ain't got time for that

Posted by aquarius_man

Posted by AquaNextDoor
Hm... tricky...

Do u mean if a guy is too much into hardcore/weirdo porn and can't engage in a normal loving lovemaking session?

I can imagine that there are men who won't get their rocks off if not hyperstimulated by porn while sexin(?) that would be a thing for me to say: dude u need help but I ain't got time for that

no, you don't know how to read (between the lines) if you re assuming that: she is asking this, because her man won't fuck her like he used to. but the problem is her and her trying to control and force her man. her man should dump her.

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Aahhh ok.. I thought she was just askin in general out of curiousity! 😂 I can be curious about almost everything!

So OP is that something that affects u personally? I mean sexuality can be a real problem if it doesn't work out anymore

Ok so more background information. What if this person had only been with 2 people ever, was told that sex and masturbation was wrong their whole life until they left that thinking 5 years ago and that they should only have sex when married and even then they shouldn’t participate in foreplay such as oral or other “taboo” sex positions. Had a baby with the first person he had ever been with but stopped having sex after that for the remained of their relationship and 2 more years after that.



What if this person initiates most of the time, but is going soft % 50 of the time and radiates shame sometimes during sex or looks out of the window or tries to joke and change the subject when sexy talking through text. To me it seems like he is traumatized, but he is the kind of person who always says its fine its fine. Is it really selfish to want him to get help if he is in that much pain about it? Listen I can go without it that is what they make vibrators for, but what I can’t deal with is him initiating then disappearing in his head and not being able to finish especially when I have said we don’t have to if he is not into it. So clearly he is into it just has serious problems with sex. This is coming from a person who has said growing up he wished “the whole sex thing didn’t exist there wouldn’t be so much pressure.” I am to the point I feel like I am raping him even when he is the one initiating most of the time.

Posted by MiZLeo
When you shift all the blame on the partner than I think male or female would have issues. Is it something he admits to? Is he on any medication affecting his libido? Diabetic? Depressed? Stressed? Are you being romantic with him or just expect him to do all the work?

You could try stating that you should both go see a therapist together to see if she could help liven things up.

I would love to go together. I'm not saying that it's all on him maybe there are things I do that he doesn't like or maybe he doesn't like my approach that is fine I have no problem with that. But a lot of time he doesn't really know how he feels or it takes a while to figure out what is bothering him and therapist have a way of rooting those kinds of issue out

Posted by AquaNextDoor
Hm... tricky...

Do u mean if a guy is too much into hardcore/weirdo porn and can't engage in a normal loving lovemaking session?

Note how chick things are always considered "normal" . Like "lovemaking session", how normal is that after a couple of years? Even bishes be like, stop being such a twat and pound me like a Thanksgiving turkey!!!

Men have enough problems going to the doc

Can't imagine many would entertain the idea of seeing a sex therapist

"there's nothing wrong with me" comes to mind

Posted by MyStarsShine
Men have enough problems going to the doc

Can't imagine many would entertain the idea of seeing a sex therapist

"there's nothing wrong with me" comes to mind

So bc he's a man we are going to assume it's his inflated ego and his wifey that may be the problem?

Posted by enfant_terrible

Posted by AquaNextDoor
Hm... tricky...

Do u mean if a guy is too much into hardcore/weirdo porn and can't engage in a normal loving lovemaking session?

Note how chick things are always considered "normal" . Like "lovemaking session", how normal is that after a couple of years? Even bishes be like, stop being such a twat and pound me like a Thanksgiving turkey!!!

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Yeh sure!!! I doubt couples only do one sort of sexin? I though that was obvious to everyone

But I think if one is only capable of fuckin like animals without being able(!) to be tender from time to time then there might be something off?

OP is already considering therapy... so there must be something "not normal". Wondering if there really is a problem with him or its simply her

Posted by enfant_terrible

Posted by MyStarsShine
Men have enough problems going to the doc

Can't imagine many would entertain the idea of seeing a sex therapist

"there's nothing wrong with me" comes to mind

So bc he's a man we are going to assume it's his inflated ego and his wifey that may be the problem?

click to expand

If you want to.....yes

Ah now I read the aditional info...

Posted by ladylibra21
Ok so more background information. What if this person had only been with 2 people ever, was told that sex and masturbation was wrong their whole life until they left that thinking 5 years ago and that they should only have sex when married and even then they shouldn’t participate in foreplay such as oral or other “taboo” sex positions. Had a baby with the first person he had ever been with but stopped having sex after that for the remained of their relationship and 2 more years after that.



What if this person initiates most of the time, but is going soft % 50 of the time and radiates shame sometimes during sex or looks out of the window or tries to joke and change the subject when sexy talking through text. To me it seems like he is traumatized, but he is the kind of person who always says its fine its fine. Is it really selfish to want him to get help if he is in that much pain about it? Listen I can go without it that is what they make vibrators for, but what I can’t deal with is him initiating then disappearing in his head and not being able to finish especially when I have said we don’t have to if he is not into it. So clearly he is into it just has serious problems with sex. This is coming from a person who has said growing up he wished “the whole sex thing didn’t exist there wouldn’t be so much pressure.” I am to the point I feel like I am raping him even when he is the one initiating most of the time.

Poor guy 😢

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by enfant_terrible

Posted by MyStarsShine
Men have enough problems going to the doc

Can't imagine many would entertain the idea of seeing a sex therapist

"there's nothing wrong with me" comes to mind

So bc he's a man we are going to assume it's his inflated ego and his wifey that may be the problem?

If you want to.....yes

click to expand

I'm beginning to see a pattern

Posted by aquarius_man

Posted by ladylibra21
Ok so more background information. What if this person was told that sex and masturbation was wrong their whole life until they left that thinking 5 years ago and that they should only have sex when married and even then they shouldn’t participate in foreplay such as oral

Well oral sex is filthy. In Christianity, it's called symbolic cannibalism and it's a sin. The only kind of ritual cannibalism you re allowed to engage in while staying a Christian is eating the body of Our Lord Jesus Christ The Savior and the Light of The World.

I am to the point I feel like I am raping him even when he is the one initiating most of the time.

It's your fault. You have absolutely no fucking idea how to deal with a sensitive man. Raping him? You re pressuring him, that's what you do. What about you learn some new tricks, huh? What about you trying to look so sexy in bed that he will forget all about sex being a filthy act? But Im pretty sure you just lie there open your legs wide and wait for him to start hammering you. What if you did something different - blindfold him so he can t see you / nothing around him and be on top. Ride. But tbh you sound like a woman who s very lippy and impatient and there s something utterly wrong about the way you present these stories about your guy.

Last time, you scolded him for trying to defend you. Now it's his dick going soft. What if the problem its really you - like I think i - and you should go see a sex therapist and all kinds of therapists? Since you feel like raping him so much.

You disgust me

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You presume a lot of things about me so all I'll say is this stop comparing me to people who have hurt or disappointed you. I have tried lots of things to the point where I feel like I might be trying too hard but the fact is you can't overload someone with something they might be uncomfortable with. You can try to belittle me all day but don't project your life experiences on me.

Posted by aquarius_man

Posted by ladylibra21
Ok so more background information. What if this person was told that sex and masturbation was wrong their whole life until they left that thinking 5 years ago and that they should only have sex when married and even then they shouldn’t participate in foreplay such as oral

Well oral sex is filthy. In Christianity, it's called symbolic cannibalism and it's a sin. The only kind of ritual cannibalism you re allowed to engage in while staying a Christian is eating the body of Our Lord Jesus Christ The Savior and the Light of The World.

I am to the point I feel like I am raping him even when he is the one initiating most of the time.

It's your fault. You have absolutely no fucking idea how to deal with a sensitive man. Raping him? You re pressuring him, that's what you do. What about you learn some new tricks, huh? What about you trying to look so sexy in bed that he will forget all about sex being a filthy act? But Im pretty sure you just lie there open your legs wide and wait for him to start hammering you. What if you did something different - blindfold him so he can t see you / nothing around him and be on top. Ride. But tbh you sound like a woman who s very lippy and impatient and there s something utterly wrong about the way you present these stories about your guy.

Last time, you scolded him for trying to defend you. Now it's his dick going soft. What if the problem its really you - like I think i - and you should go see a sex therapist and all kinds of therapists? Since you feel like raping him so much.

You disgust me

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No

It's his conditioning....the way he was raised....he was taught shame around sex

Posted by TheRabbit
It's also possible there is some abuse in his past that he hasn't discussed.

I asked he said he didn't think so.

Posted by ladylibra21

Posted by TheRabbit
It's also possible there is some abuse in his past that he hasn't discussed.

I asked he said he didn't think so.

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Raising a child to view sex as shameful is a form of mental abuse and can be very damaging

..would you consider speaking to someone who may understand and help you deal with the issues ?

Posted by MyStarsShine
..would you consider speaking to someone who may understand and help you deal with the issues ?

I didn't think about that option but I totally would. Even if we didn't stay together I would want him to be OK in that area with someone now he's a great guy he deserves to be happy all around especially in the most basic human need.

He might discover that he is just asexual but ir like him to actually deal with it instead of just sweeping it under the rug

Posted by ladylibra21

Posted by MyStarsShine
..would you consider speaking to someone who may understand and help you deal with the issues ?

I didn't think about that option but I totally would. Even if we didn't stay together I would want him to be OK in that area with someone now he's a great guy he deserves to be happy all around especially in the most basic human need.

He might discover that he is just asexual but ir like him to actually deal with it instead of just sweeping it under the rug

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Well if he doesn't want to go, then at least you may gain some more understanding around the situation

I was with two guys who were absused and my dad was too (not sexually) but evenso, it can be heavy stuff

😢

Posted by aquarius_man

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by aquarius_man

Posted by ladylibra21
Ok so more background information. What if this person was told that sex and masturbation was wrong their whole life until they left that thinking 5 years ago and that they should only have sex when married and even then they shouldn’t participate in foreplay such as oral

Well oral sex is filthy. In Christianity, it's called symbolic cannibalism and it's a sin. The only kind of ritual cannibalism you re allowed to engage in while staying a Christian is eating the body of Our Lord Jesus Christ The Savior and the Light of The World.

I am to the point I feel like I am raping him even when he is the one initiating most of the time.

It's your fault. You have absolutely no fucking idea how to deal with a sensitive man. Raping him? You re pressuring him, that's what you do. What about you learn some new tricks, huh? What about you trying to look so sexy in bed that he will forget all about sex being a filthy act? But Im pretty sure you just lie there open your legs wide and wait for him to start hammering you. What if you did something different - blindfold him so he can t see you / nothing around him and be on top. Ride. But tbh you sound like a woman who s very lippy and impatient and there s something utterly wrong about the way you present these stories about your guy.

Last time, you scolded him for trying to defend you. Now it's his dick going soft. What if the problem its really you - like I think i - and you should go see a sex therapist and all kinds of therapists? Since you feel like raping him so much.

You disgust me

No

It's his conditioning....the way he was raised....he was taught shame around sex

No. You're wrong.

I have slept with a female who had undergone FGM & was raised in a strict & religious community. You know why they perform labiaectomy on them. And when a woman who's been taught that sex - her body, not just her mind, bears the scar to remind her that - is bad can and yet she can still cum several times a day, then the problem doesn t need a therapist, but a good dick. We're always too happy to blame it on upbringing and social conditioning. We re not always products of environment.

Sometimes, you just need to have a partner to understand you. Or to blow you until your dick gets hard again. Be the fluffer in your own house.

Personal opinion, reiterated: this woman and her man are not meant for each other.

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If you tell a child over and over again something, the chances are those things will have long and far reaching repercussions.....brain washing is a a very effective tool

I've seen lots of people broken by their childhood....especially the sensitive ones....my dad was a product of his cruel mother...he was Pisces dominant

Posted by ladylibra21
Ok so more background information. What if this person had only been with 2 people ever, was told that sex and masturbation was wrong their whole life until they left that thinking 5 years ago and that they should only have sex when married and even then they shouldn’t participate in foreplay such as oral or other “taboo” sex positions.

So, this person no longer believes "sex and masturbation is wrong"? Or the person still does? This doesn't necessarily require a therapist, but patience and support. His partner (eh em you) may also need to come to terms that these are his sexual preference regardless of why he thinks this way and that should be respected for the time being. It may simply be a matter of not being sexually compatible vs trying to change someone's sexual preference. When you discuss his ideas about sex do find that you judge him for his preferences?

Posted by ladylibra21
Had a baby with the first person he had ever been with but stopped having sex after that for the remained of their relationship and 2 more years after that.

This may have nothing to do with what you've written above and more to do with the man simply not feeling sexually attracted to his partner. I mean if all things fit (e.g. wait until marriage for sex...now married...but don't have sex), then the missing link doesn't sound like the person's "outlook". Something is missing here. It may be tied to the question I asked above and the point I made below.

Posted by ladylibra21
What if this person initiates most of the time, but is going soft % 50 of the time and radiates shame sometimes during sex or looks out of the window or tries to joke and change the subject when sexy talking through text. To me it seems like he is traumatized, but he is the kind of person who always says its fine its fine. Is it really selfish to want him to get help if he is in that much pain about it? Listen I can go without it that is what they make vibrators for, but what I can’t deal with is him initiating then disappearing in his head and not being able to finish especially when I have said we don’t have to if he is not into it. So clearly he is into it just has serious problems with sex. This is coming from a person who has said growing up he wished “the whole sex thing didn’t exist there wouldn’t be so much pressure.” I am to the point I feel like I am raping him even when he is the one initiating most of the time.

click to expand

Hmph. When he gets soft how do you respond (e.g. facial expressions, gestures, body language, words you use). Do you express disappointment and frustration or anger? Do you ever engage in sexual stimulation, sensual massages without the expectation of having actual intercourse? Do you ever initiate and leave it at simple sexual stimulation without the pressure of intercourse to please him?

Posted by ladylibra21
If your partner asked you to see a sex therapist because they thought your mental out look on sex was affecting your physical and that you had issues with intimacy overall would you go?

Why or why not?

Is this something men are able to admit or would there be too much pride?

How you ask this will 100% impact how the person feels about going.

Posted by aquarius_man

Posted by MyStarsShine

If you tell a child over and over again something, the chances are those things will have long and far reaching repercussions.....brain washing is a a very effective tool

I've seen lots of people broken by their childhood....especially the sensitive ones....my dad was a product of his cruel mother...he was Pisces dominant

you don t understand. has catholic guilt ever stopped you from enjoying big fat cocks?

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I'm not a catholic so I wouldn't know

Sorry

Posted by aquarius_man
I have slept with a female who had undergone FGM & was raised in a strict & religious community. You know why they perform labiaectomy on them. And when a woman who's been taught that sex - her body, not just her mind, bears the scar to remind her that - is bad can and yet she can still cum several times a day, then the problem doesn t need a therapist, but a good dick.

Who needs therapy when you get good dick

Posted by ladylibra21

Posted by TheRabbit
It's also possible there is some abuse in his past that he hasn't discussed.

I asked he said he didn't think so.

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Hmph. He didn't "think" so?

If you are willing, I would ask him the question again, but take the word "abuse" out of it. Some people have experienced abuse, but do not refer to it as that if there is shame attached to it. Explore his sexual experiences (e.g. first sexual experience, with whom, age, did he give consent, who initiated, what he thought about the experience). I am not suggesting he has, but his response is curious.

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by ladylibra21
Ok so more background information. What if this person had only been with 2 people ever, was told that sex and masturbation was wrong their whole life until they left that thinking 5 years ago and that they should only have sex when married and even then they shouldn’t participate in foreplay such as oral or other “taboo” sex positions.

So, this person no longer believes "sex and masturbation is wrong"? Or the person still does? This doesn't necessarily require a therapist, but patience and support. His partner (eh em you) may also need to come to terms that these are his sexual preference regardless of why he thinks this way and that should be respected for the time being. It may simply be a matter of not being sexually compatible vs trying to change someone's sexual preference. When you discuss his ideas about sex do find that you judge him for his preferences?

Posted by ladylibra21
Had a baby with the first person he had ever been with but stopped having sex after that for the remained of their relationship and 2 more years after that.

This may have nothing to do with what you've written above and more to do with the man simply not feeling sexually attracted to his partner. I mean if all things fit (e.g. wait until marriage for sex...now married...but don't have sex), then the missing link doesn't sound like the person's "outlook". Something is missing here. It may be tied to the question I asked above and the point I made below.

Posted by ladylibra21
What if this person initiates most of the time, but is going soft % 50 of the time and radiates shame sometimes during sex or looks out of the window or tries to joke and change the subject when sexy talking through text. To me it seems like he is traumatized, but he is the kind of person who always says its fine its fine. Is it really selfish to want him to get help if he is in that much pain about it? Listen I can go without it that is what they make vibrators for, but what I can’t deal with is him initiating then disappearing in his head and not being able to finish especially when I have said we don’t have to if he is not into it. So clearly he is into it just has serious problems with sex. This is coming from a person who has said growing up he wished “the whole sex thing didn’t exist there wouldn’t be so much pressure.” I am to the point I feel like I am raping him even when he is the one initiating most of the time.

Hmph. When he gets soft how do you respond (e.g. facial expressions, gestures, body language, words you use). Do you express disappointment and frustration or anger? Do you ever engage in sexual stimulation, sensual massages without the expectation of having actual intercourse? Do you ever initiate and leave it at simple sexual stimulation without the pressure of intercourse to please him?

click to expand

He says he doesn't believe those things but I think they have had a lasting effect and no he wasn't married to his ex. If it is me that he isn't ok with then it is me but he has expressed that it is not me. He could have lied? I never react poorly when he goes soft I am not a child. I attempt to get it back up sometimes it does sometimes it doesn't. I always kiss and cuddle him . Then we talk about random things until we fall asleep. Yes I have tried just making out with him and feeling him up and also explaining that making out doesn't have to lead to sex this was after we were making out one and he took it one step further and attempted to have sex but could finish. He stated "sorry sometimes I just have a hard time withh sex." And I responded by saying we don't have to always have sex we can just make out or do other things. So he knows there is no pressure.

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by ladylibra21
If your partner asked you to see a sex therapist because they thought your mental out look on sex was affecting your physical and that you had issues with intimacy overall would you go?

Why or why not?

Is this something men are able to admit or would there be too much pride?

How you ask this will 100% impact how the person feels about going.

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Exactly but how would you ask something like this without hurting that person

Posted by bittercupcake
Are you the one that’s dating an Aqua? Can’t remember. I will say that if he’s having intimacy issues, the problems could lie with you more so than him. It could be he’s beginning to resent you after the last incident.

this has always been a problem though we maybe had 2 months out of the 8 months we have been together that he was able to have sex consistently .

Posted by bittercupcake
Are you the one that’s dating an Aqua? Can’t remember. I will say that if he’s having intimacy issues, the problems could lie with you more so than him. It could be he’s beginning to resent you after the last incident.

Also again it's fine if it's me but he should tell me that

Posted by ladylibra21
He says he doesn't believe those things but I think they have had a lasting effect and no he wasn't married to his ex. If it is me that he isn't ok with then it is me but he has expressed that it is not me. He could have lied?

I don't think it's about "lying" or not. I mean, sexuality is about us (preference, confidence, awareness, feeling comfortable with our own body, communicating our desire/needs), as much as it is about our partner (attraction, energy, connection). If you're having a problem it's about finding out where your issues start/stop and the issue you have with your partner/lover starts/stops. "It may be him or me" really leads no where, but then again if a person really can't be bothered or lacks patience to work through something with someone that is the easy response.

I have to agree with what Rabbit posted, you and he simply may not be right for each other, not because of this issue, but as other posts in this thread suggest you've written about other issues outside of the bedroom as well.

Posted by ladylibra21
...I attempt to get it back up sometimes it does sometimes it doesn't.

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When it does get back up can he finish?

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by ladylibra21
He says he doesn't believe those things but I think they have had a lasting effect and no he wasn't married to his ex. If it is me that he isn't ok with then it is me but he has expressed that it is not me. He could have lied?

I don't think it's about "lying" or not. I mean, sexuality is about us (preference, confidence, awareness, feeling comfortable with our own body, communicating our desire/needs), as much as it is about our partner (attraction, energy, connection). If you're having a problem it's about finding out where your issues start/stop and the issue you have with your partner/lover starts/stops. "It may be him or me" really leads no where, but then again if a person really can't be bothered or lacks patience to work through something with someone that is the easy response.

I have to agree with what Rabbit posted, you and he simply may not be right for each other, not because of this issue, but as other posts in this thread suggest you've written about other issues outside of the bedroom as well.

Posted by ladylibra21
...I attempt to get it back up sometimes it does sometimes it doesn't.

When it does get back up can he finish?

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Most of the time but sometime he just says that's ok