Point of No Return

I think I've lost trust in my Capricorn.

Last night, he said something he didn't think was a big deal but, it turns out, it was a trigger-point for me.

I have this belief that open communication can help resolve most relationship issues. I have had experiences in my past where I've seen people suffer due to letting things fester out of control. So, I have this insecurity that my Capricorn doesn't like things about me, but that he doesn't tell me. That manifests itself when I outright ask him to tell me one thing about me he would like for me to work on, or one thing he'd change about me, or one thing he finds annoying about me, or one flaw of mine. I usually ask these questions when we are either having Pillowtalk, or when we are casually talking about characters in a show, for example.

When he tells me how great he thinks I am, or that he loves me completely, or that I'm perfect in his eyes - that just triggers my insecurity and I wonder what he's not expressing fully. After all, there is no way I am as wonderful as he says. I have known myself all of my life. He has only known me for 1 1/2 years.

Last night, we were baking vegan brownies together when I needed to reach a drawer he was standing in the way of. "Scootch your toosh" is something I say when I want someone to move over slightly when I'm trying to reach anything in the kitchen. He goes on to tell me he doesn't like it, that it's condescending and passive aggressive because I essentially mean "move your ass," that it's repetitive and not original anymore since I say it to him "constantly" when we work together.

I yelled at him to stop being mean, and that to just speak for himself and not the world. He said, "Okay, I don't like how it feels when you say that to me."

I spent the remainder of our time baking in silence. On the drive home, he asked me if I was angry and if he did something to make me feel that way. I yelled "yes!" Both times. He honestly didn't see anything wrong with what he said, but I told him when he was speaking, it was as though he had been feeling that way for a while and let it finally come out. He said he didn't previously say anything because other people were around. He said he thought things were going well with us baking and that he had a good time, and that just made me hurt even more because how could he have been so oblivious? I was clearly upset.

I sat in the car for a long time after we had gotten home and he went up to the house to begin preparing dinner. He came down and apologized, but I just couldn't stop thinking about how he felt this way about my saying that all of this time and didn't say anything until last night. I kept thinking, "What ELSE is he feeling and hasn't told me? What ELSE is he holding in only to suddenly bring it up one day without having given me any previous indication it bothered him?"

I went for a long walk by myself and I didn't come back until 2AM. When I returned, I slept alone. He brought food to me, but I continued to sleep.

This morning, he suggested we spend this week's days off separately. He thinks the time apart will be good for us, both for his creative process, for me to see my family, and to "reconnect with my religion." He sounded like he had thought about it and made up his mind, so I agreed to it.

The day at work together was miserable for me. While he was okay interacting with his co-workers, I just worked quietly all day, finished all my tasks, and clocked-out and left.

I feel as though I might not trust him. In my experience, once I stop trusting someone, I struggle to come back from it.

This is one of the most stupid things I ever read. You have huge issues to work on. Has nothing to do with him...if anything, he appears to have the patience of a saint with you.

Don't get mad at him for speaking his mind. After all that's what you want him to do, right?

If you get angry every time he's honest he's gonna learn to bottle things up which is exactly what you fear.

As far as fights go this one is kinda cute. Your hurt he's not speaking his mind. He's afraid to speak his mind cause he doesn't want to hurt you.

Intentions are good on both your ends. Trust in that.

Posted by Undine
This is one of the most stupid things I ever read. You have huge issues to work on. Has nothing to do with him...if anything, he appears to have the patience of a saint with you.

I am aware I have issues. And something as dumb as that triggered it, and the issue probably will never go away.

And he is too good for me. He definitely deserves better.

Posted by LadyNeptune
Don't get mad at him for speaking his mind. After all that's what you want him to do, right?

If you get angry every time he's honest he's gonna learn to bottle things up which is exactly what you fear.

As far as fights go this one is kinda cute. Your hurt he's not speaking his mind. He's afraid to speak his mind cause he doesn't want to hurt you.

Intentions are good on both your ends. Trust in that.

It's not him speaking his mind that upset me, LadyNeptune. It's that he hadn't told me that before but, allegedly, I've been saying that and annoying him all of this time. There is nothing that I bring up when annoyed that I haven't told him before because, in my mind, it's not fair to not give him a chance to adjust. Had I known he hated that about me, I would have stopped with him long ago, and probably would have assumed other people feel the same way about it (even though it never crossed my mind that it could be offensive) and just quit saying it altogether.

I can't help but wonder what else he is keeping from me in an effort to "spare" my feelings, only to bring it up one day.

Posted by tiziani
He sounds like a great guy to be fair. That shows in how he suggested some time apart for the benefit of both. Use the time wisely and work on not screwing up your life unnecessarily.

So I should take that as a "good" sign? What good is a relationship that you have to escape from? If he can't be creative and I can't connect to my religion while we are together - then what is the point? I'm afraid of saying something awful between now and when he drops me off at my house.

Posted by LillyPetal

Posted by LadyNeptune
Don't get mad at him for speaking his mind. After all that's what you want him to do, right?

If you get angry every time he's honest he's gonna learn to bottle things up which is exactly what you fear.

As far as fights go this one is kinda cute. Your hurt he's not speaking his mind. He's afraid to speak his mind cause he doesn't want to hurt you.

Intentions are good on both your ends. Trust in that.

It's not him speaking his mind that upset me, LadyNeptune. It's that he hadn't told me that before but, allegedly, I've been saying that and annoying him all of this time. There is nothing that I bring up when annoyed that I haven't told him before because, in my mind, it's not fair to not give him a chance to adjust. Had I known he hated that about me, I would have stopped with him long ago, and probably would have assumed other people feel the same way about it (even though it never crossed my mind that it could be offensive) and just quit saying it altogether.

I can't help but wonder what else he is keeping from me in an effort to "spare" my feelings, only to bring it up one day.

click to expand

Can you see how your reaction is verifying to him that it's best to keep quiet and spare you the hurt and him the confrontation?

Go to him. Explain to him the why of how it hurt you and your fears that he's been withholding.

Posted by halalbae
the classic princess throwing a temper tantrum cause their partner respects the relationship enough to tell princess what bothers them

It's the timing of when he brought it up, not that he said it. And although he denies it, I could sense that it was coming from a place of frustration that he allowed to build up when he didn't say something about it sooner.

Posted by LillyPetal

Posted by Undine
This is one of the most stupid things I ever read. You have huge issues to work on. Has nothing to do with him...if anything, he appears to have the patience of a saint with you.

I am aware I have issues. And something as dumb as that triggered it, and the issue probably will never go away.

And he is too good for me. He definitely deserves better.

click to expand

I had a moment like that last week. Feeling like he's too good to be true, self doubt, self sabotage, even a little self loathing.

But nobody twisted his arm for him to be with you. He chose you, faults and all.

And I believe a little tension and conflict is healthy. Peace and love 24/7 gets boring fast.

Posted by tiziani

Posted by LillyPetal

Posted by tiziani
He sounds like a great guy to be fair. That shows in how he suggested some time apart for the benefit of both. Use the time wisely and work on not screwing up your life unnecessarily.

So I should take that as a "good" sign? What good is a relationship that you have to escape from? If he can't be creative and I can't connect to my religion while we are together - then what is the point? I'm afraid of saying something awful between now and when he drops me off at my house.

That's exactly why time apart is a good thing for a couple of days so that your relationship doesn't suffer. Use that time wisely. If you say you've never worked on rebuilding trust before, well now is the first time in your life to rebuild it. It's a normal part of life.

click to expand

Pisces moon doesn't need space. She needs to be smothered with reassurance rn. Or else it's just gonna be a downward spiral if she's left to fester in her thoughts.

Posted by LadyNeptune


Can you see how your reaction is verifying to him that it's best to keep quite and spare you the hurt and him the confrontation?

She only reacted that way because it's something that he has kept bottled up for so long. Had he been upfront about the issue from the get-go, her reaction would have been different. That would have upset me, too.

The fact that he didn't address in the past because "others were around" is a lame excuse. If it bothered him so much (which it clearly does), he could have made a mental note to bring it up later on during the day.

However, I do see passive-aggressivenss on both ends. You can't give someone the silent treatment/cold shoulder and expect them to know what you're feeling. I think that's where you went wrong.

Posted by nanobyte
I think that you should take this time to work through your own feelings and realize the immaturity that you're displaying toward him now. From what I see, this is 100% on you.

This is something so trivial, and I hope you don't actually mean this is "the point of no return" and that you've truly "lost trust in him"...

Do you?

I have been on the receiving end of very similar situations such as this with so many Pisces mooners. And I must say, that your cap is dealing with it very well and his patience is admirable.

It is on me. You're right. But I have issues and they shouldn't be his problem. Whether this is a "normal" Pisces moon trait or not, it's a real issue for me. I currently, genuinely feel as though I have lost trust in him because if he could not mention something as simple as "scootch your toosh" as being annoying to him, what else is he "letting slide until he finally has to say something about it."

In our relationship, I'm most definitely the more critical one because I am honest about things right away. I don't want them to build into resentment. He's the one who is always telling me how "great" and "perfect" I am. I would much prefer he tell me right away when something bothers him, and not have something annoy him but then say things about how wonderful I am. Well, clearly, I'm NOT so perfect.

Posted by LillyPetal

Posted by halalbae
the classic princess throwing a temper tantrum cause their partner respects the relationship enough to tell princess what bothers them

It's the timing of when he brought it up, not that he said it. And although he denies it, I could sense that it was coming from a place of frustration that he allowed to build up when he didn't say something about it sooner.

click to expand

He didn't want to hurt you so he kept it inside

It's not a big deal....we all find things irritating about the ones we love...it doesn't mean that the love is less and for some, they find it hard to challenge the other person

I don't think you need to worry......maybe just look at what he said, try and see it from his side and then talk to him....

....then change your vocabulary

😛

......I lived with a guy for years who didn't find the courage to challenge me, but i know i could trust him with my life...he is just a bit timid about being open and doesn't like confrontation

I am the opposite...but we are all different

Maybe out openness scares them a little?

Do you two live and work together? If so, this may be a case of too much togetherness. You are starting to get on each others nerves. Even the best couples need separate time. Take the space and enjoy it. Come back together stronger than ever.

Posted by tiziani

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by tiziani

Posted by LillyPetal

Posted by tiziani
He sounds like a great guy to be fair. That shows in how he suggested some time apart for the benefit of both. Use the time wisely and work on not screwing up your life unnecessarily.

So I should take that as a "good" sign? What good is a relationship that you have to escape from? If he can't be creative and I can't connect to my religion while we are together - then what is the point? I'm afraid of saying something awful between now and when he drops me off at my house.

That's exactly why time apart is a good thing for a couple of days so that your relationship doesn't suffer. Use that time wisely. If you say you've never worked on rebuilding trust before, well now is the first time in your life to rebuild it. It's a normal part of life.

Pisces moon doesn't need space. She needs to be smothered with reassurance rn. Or else it's just gonna be a downward spiral if she's left to fester in her thoughts.

That's her responsibility not to let that happen.

Best thing they can both do is be clear that they're using the time to focus on their relationship and that they both want it. That's the most reassurance you can give. Then you have to kick on with it and do the hard yards of growing up.

click to expand

That's why she should go to him. Let him know she's hurting and give him the chance to comfort her.

Op is this your first big fight with him?

Posted by Deedee86
Do you two live and work together? If so, this may be a case of too much togetherness. You are starting to get on each others nerves. Even the best couples need separate time. Take the space and enjoy it. Come back together stronger than ever.

Good point ☝️

Also what's his moon?

Oh, Lilly has a Pisces moon??

@LillyPetal

Listen dear.

I've been married to a Cap for 23 years.

I can understand just too well what you are talking about.

They don't listen. I mean they listen but they don't hear.

When I tell him for all these years about stuff that bothering me - his response is 'why didn't you said anything'?

It sends me into hysterical state when I yell that I had been since we've met! But then I was younger and I could deal with it and now I can't!!!

He always looks surprised and gets upset and keep silent.

The good thing is that if he loves you - your flows he can live with. He would never tell you because he accepts your flows and faults.

Stop torruring yourself.

Is he perfect? No.

Can YOU live with his imperfections?

If yes - why can't he live with yours?

He seems ok dude from your post.

Don't lose him if you love him.

Caps are most non-confrontational people I know. So let it be. He does see you as perfect! Dimonds have flows but they still are pressious.

Good luck and stop ruining a good stuff.

☀️

Posted by Fleshpot

Posted by LadyNeptune


Can you see how your reaction is verifying to him that it's best to keep quite and spare you the hurt and him the confrontation?

She only reacted that way because it's something that he has kept bottled up for so long. Had he been upfront about the issue from the get-go, her reaction would have been different. That would have upset me, too.

The fact that he didn't address in the past because "others were around" is a lame excuse. If it bothered him so much (which it clearly does), he could have made a mental note to bring it up later on during the day.

However, I do see passive-aggressivenss on both ends. You can't give someone the silent treatment/cold shoulder and expect them to know what you're feeling. I think that's where you went wrong.

click to expand

I get that. But his reasons for withholding aren't nefarious.

She's gotta communicate exactly why it hurt her. Not the actual criticism but the withholding. And how it's causing her to second guess.

Once she makes her expectation known then he can do better. If he continues to withhold then it's a problem.

1st infraction is just a miscommunication.

Take him down OP. Don't take that shit from him 😛

Op just tell him to compliment you..and when you irritate him work it out ...then forget about it.

Point of no return?

God, ridiculous.

Posted by LillyPetal

Posted by Undine
This is one of the most stupid things I ever read. You have huge issues to work on. Has nothing to do with him...if anything, he appears to have the patience of a saint with you.

I am aware I have issues. And something as dumb as that triggered it, and the issue probably will never go away.

And he is too good for me. He definitely deserves better.

click to expand

Your reason is not affected, you realize how dumb it is, but your negative emotions are out of control. There are techniques to get you out of this and build your self esteem. I wish I could give you advice, but I'm not a psychologist. Could you afford a therapist to get you started?

Remember, Pisces moon is about compassion and helping others. Use it to be kind to yourself and help yourself for now, like you would do it for a stranger. Because there is a stranger in all of us, including yourself. Get to know her and be kind to her 🙂!

Posted by LillyPetal

Posted by tiziani
He sounds like a great guy to be fair. That shows in how he suggested some time apart for the benefit of both. Use the time wisely and work on not screwing up your life unnecessarily.

So I should take that as a "good" sign? What good is a relationship that you have to escape from? If he can't be creative and I can't connect to my religion while we are together - then what is the point? I'm afraid of saying something awful between now and when he drops me off at my house.

click to expand

You can step off this ride at any time, you know.

😐

Anyway, he was honest, and it's working out

horribly for him... negative reinforcement.

Soo... I'll answer your question: YES... there are

other things about you that bother him, and

they're none of your business.

At this time, the good he sees in you FAR

outweighs the bad.

When something bothers him too much, he'll

tell you-- we know that-- but he gets to control

that, not you.

And the lack of control is what's bothering you,

ya little control freak.

Knock it off.

You're really fortunate.

*imho*

Posted by aquanib
lol @ scootch your toosh.

That's so corny it's disrespectful to the relationship.

Next time, instead of vegan go hash brownies and chill. 😄

Nah, go chili con carne! We are born omnivores...food can affect your mood and much more.

I never heard that expression, but it sounds funny, like talking to a child. A Gem or Aries would have liked it. I could see how a Cap would get offended by it though ....but only reacted when he was in a cranky mood.

Because our inner mood determines how we react...we don't laugh twice at the same joke...do we, OP?

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Fleshpot

Posted by LadyNeptune


Can you see how your reaction is verifying to him that it's best to keep quite and spare you the hurt and him the confrontation?

She only reacted that way because it's something that he has kept bottled up for so long. Had he been upfront about the issue from the get-go, her reaction would have been different. That would have upset me, too.

The fact that he didn't address in the past because "others were around" is a lame excuse. If it bothered him so much (which it clearly does), he could have made a mental note to bring it up later on during the day.

However, I do see passive-aggressivenss on both ends. You can't give someone the silent treatment/cold shoulder and expect them to know what you're feeling. I think that's where you went wrong.

I get that. But his reasons for withholding aren't nefarious.

She's gotta communicate exactly why it hurt her. Not the actual criticism but the withholding. And how it's causing her to second guess.

Once she makes her expectation known then he can do better. If he continues to withhold then it's a problem.

1st infraction is just a miscommunication.

click to expand

She did say, "I told him when he was speaking, it was as though he had been feeling that way for a while and let it finally come out." But yes, I agree that she should have expanded on that. It's definitely not something that merits a "point of no return" label.

Posted by Undine

Posted by aquanib
lol @ scootch your toosh.

That's so corny it's disrespectful to the relationship.

Next time, instead of vegan go hash brownies and chill. 😄

Nah, go chili con carne! We are born omnivores...food can affect your mood and much more.

I never heard that expression, but it sounds funny, like talking to a child. A Gem or Aries would have liked it. I could see how a Cap would get offended by it though ....but only reacted when he was in a cranky mood.

Because our inner mood determines how we react...we don't laugh twice at the same joke...do we, OP?

click to expand

Humans don't need meat or dairy to live. As a matter of fact, meat and dairy both do harm to the body. Even anthropologists are revealing more and more how far-fetched the notion that humans "ate meat for centuries" is. We are biologically designed to consume fruits. I've been a meat eater all my life, practically, and switching to veganism has been one of the best decisions of my life. But I don't want to get into arguing the validity of veganism because I can go at it all day.

It IS a goofy thing to say, but I try not to take myself too seriously. He definitely was cranky, but he denied he was, which is why him "telling me the truth and opening up" felt like it came from a place of meanness.

He cuts his friends way more slack than me. He definitely calls me out on my corny and sh itty jokes, and he doesn't give me cheap laughs.

Posted by Montgomery

Posted by LillyPetal

Posted by tiziani
He sounds like a great guy to be fair. That shows in how he suggested some time apart for the benefit of both. Use the time wisely and work on not screwing up your life unnecessarily.

So I should take that as a "good" sign? What good is a relationship that you have to escape from? If he can't be creative and I can't connect to my religion while we are together - then what is the point? I'm afraid of saying something awful between now and when he drops me off at my house.

You can step off this ride at any time, you know.

😐

Anyway, he was honest, and it's working out

horribly for him... negative reinforcement.

Soo... I'll answer your question: YES... there are

other things about you that bother him, and

they're none of your business.

At this time, the good he sees in you FAR

outweighs the bad.

When something bothers him too much, he'll

tell you-- we know that-- but he gets to control

that, not you.

And the lack of control is what's bothering you,

ya little control freak.

Knock it off.

You're really fortunate.

*imho*

click to expand

I'm definitely fortunate. Maybe I'm not fit to be in a relationship. I feel like there are pieces missing, and being with him doesn't make my picture complete. When I say I have an insecurity, I mean that it stems from my past. It goes much deeper than me having a diva moment. Once I'm triggered, I lose all control. I shut down because the alternative is to be extremely hurtful.

Posted by Undine

Posted by LillyPetal

Posted by Undine
This is one of the most stupid things I ever read. You have huge issues to work on. Has nothing to do with him...if anything, he appears to have the patience of a saint with you.

I am aware I have issues. And something as dumb as that triggered it, and the issue probably will never go away.

And he is too good for me. He definitely deserves better.

Your reason is not affected, you realize how dumb it is, but your negative emotions are out of control. There are techniques to get you out of this and build your self esteem. I wish I could give you advice, but I'm not a psychologist. Could you afford a therapist to get you started?

Remember, Pisces moon is about compassion and helping others. Use it to be kind to yourself and help yourself for now, like you would do it for a stranger. Because there is a stranger in all of us, including yourself. Get to know her and be kind to her 🙂!

click to expand

No, I can't afford a therapist. I legit researched online one night to price their services.

Posted by youngali
man, you're stress.

so basically, you're mad at him for telling you how he feels, because you don't like the way how "he feels" makes you feel.

just fucking insane.

That's not the situation. I'm mad at him for not being honest with me regarding how he feels, all the while telling me I'm perfect, only to know there are things about me that annoy him. He kept it in until he let it boil over. I was completely thrown off guard because I was literally focusing on baking f uc king vegan brownies. Then there is this string of feelings that I never knew existed about something I do that I never thought twice about. So what else is he not telling me? My belief that him saying how great I am is complete bulls hit because I know I'm not that great has just been validated.

Posted by aquanib
lol @ scootch your toosh.

That's so corny it's disrespectful to the relationship.

Next time, instead of vegan go hash brownies and chill. 😄

There are such things as vegan hash brownies because hash is vegan. But whatever. I get your point.

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by LillyPetal

Posted by halalbae
the classic princess throwing a temper tantrum cause their partner respects the relationship enough to tell princess what bothers them

It's the timing of when he brought it up, not that he said it. And although he denies it, I could sense that it was coming from a place of frustration that he allowed to build up when he didn't say something about it sooner.

He didn't want to hurt you so he kept it inside

It's not a big deal....we all find things irritating about the ones we love...it doesn't mean that the love is less and for some, they find it hard to challenge the other person

I don't think you need to worry......maybe just look at what he said, try and see it from his side and then talk to him....

....then change your vocabulary

😛

click to expand

That's EXACTLY what scares me: thinking he's helping by keeping me in the dark. I have horrors in my past that were borne from non-disclosure with the misconception that it's actually helpful.

Posted by Deedee86
Do you two live and work together? If so, this may be a case of too much togetherness. You are starting to get on each others nerves. Even the best couples need separate time. Take the space and enjoy it. Come back together stronger than ever.

Yes, we do.

I'm worried that every time we have a major disagreement, he will drop me off at my house. What happens when we have just one place?

It frightens me how I can feel hate for him. I feel hate, that I can't recall loving him.

Posted by LillyPetal

Posted by Montgomery

Posted by LillyPetal

Posted by tiziani
He sounds like a great guy to be fair. That shows in how he suggested some time apart for the benefit of both. Use the time wisely and work on not screwing up your life unnecessarily.

So I should take that as a "good" sign? What good is a relationship that you have to escape from? If he can't be creative and I can't connect to my religion while we are together - then what is the point? I'm afraid of saying something awful between now and when he drops me off at my house.

You can step off this ride at any time, you know.

😐

Anyway, he was honest, and it's working out

horribly for him... negative reinforcement.

Soo... I'll answer your question: YES... there are

other things about you that bother him, and

they're none of your business.

At this time, the good he sees in you FAR

outweighs the bad.

When something bothers him too much, he'll

tell you-- we know that-- but he gets to control

that, not you.

And the lack of control is what's bothering you,

ya little control freak.

Knock it off.

You're really fortunate.

*imho*

I'm definitely fortunate. Maybe I'm not fit to be in a relationship. I feel like there are pieces missing, and being with him doesn't make my picture complete. When I say I have an insecurity, I mean that it stems from my past. It goes much deeper than me having a diva moment. Once I'm triggered, I lose all control. I shut down because the alternative is to be extremely hurtful.

click to expand

Is this a response to me?

😕

I never said or even implied you had a diva

moment.

I said you have control issues, and those

typically run deep... fear based shit.

So silence is the better alternative here.

Hmm.

You've changed a lot in the past year.

Js

Posted by LillyPetal

Posted by Deedee86
Do you two live and work together? If so, this may be a case of too much togetherness. You are starting to get on each others nerves. Even the best couples need separate time. Take the space and enjoy it. Come back together stronger than ever.

Yes, we do.

I'm worried that every time we have a major disagreement, he will drop me off at my house. What happens when we have just one place?

It frightens me how I can feel hate for him. I feel hate, that I can't recall loving him.

click to expand

It frightens me too. You should seek counseling.

it's another story whether he deserves somebody better than you. look at the problems one at a time.

Posted by LillyPetal
My belief that him saying how great I am is complete bulls hit because I know I'm not that great has just been validated.

Someone can have flaws and still be perfect in the grander scheme of things.

You're fine OP just work on your issues. Don't make things bigger than they need to be.

Posted by Montgomery

Posted by LillyPetal

Posted by Montgomery

Posted by LillyPetal

Posted by tiziani
He sounds like a great guy to be fair. That shows in how he suggested some time apart for the benefit of both. Use the time wisely and work on not screwing up your life unnecessarily.

So I should take that as a "good" sign? What good is a relationship that you have to escape from? If he can't be creative and I can't connect to my religion while we are together - then what is the point? I'm afraid of saying something awful between now and when he drops me off at my house.

You can step off this ride at any time, you know.

😐

Anyway, he was honest, and it's working out

horribly for him... negative reinforcement.

Soo... I'll answer your question: YES... there are

other things about you that bother him, and

they're none of your business.

At this time, the good he sees in you FAR

outweighs the bad.

When something bothers him too much, he'll

tell you-- we know that-- but he gets to control

that, not you.

And the lack of control is what's bothering you,

ya little control freak.

Knock it off.

You're really fortunate.

*imho*

I'm definitely fortunate. Maybe I'm not fit to be in a relationship. I feel like there are pieces missing, and being with him doesn't make my picture complete. When I say I have an insecurity, I mean that it stems from my past. It goes much deeper than me having a diva moment. Once I'm triggered, I lose all control. I shut down because the alternative is to be extremely hurtful.

Is this a response to me?

😕

I never said or even implied you had a diva

moment.

I said you have control issues, and those

typically run deep... fear based shit.

So silence is the better alternative here.

Hmm.

You've changed a lot in the past year.

Js

click to expand

It was a reasponse to you. I was thinking out loud, so no accusations there. Just rambles

Yes, I have changed. More than I probably even know.

Silence from me is like noise, but it's the best I've got to give me a chance to process things. Even while at work today, I was polite to everyone, but I was quiet and kept to myself. People can't seem to just let me be. It's a struggle when I can't just expeirence a mood without people inquiring after Why and trying to get to the bottom of it, or giving me weird looks.

Posted by cornmaizeshark

Posted by LillyPetal

Posted by Deedee86
Do you two live and work together? If so, this may be a case of too much togetherness. You are starting to get on each others nerves. Even the best couples need separate time. Take the space and enjoy it. Come back together stronger than ever.

Yes, we do.

I'm worried that every time we have a major disagreement, he will drop me off at my house. What happens when we have just one place?

It frightens me how I can feel hate for him. I feel hate, that I can't recall loving him.

It frightens me too. You should seek counseling.

click to expand

Has it worked for you?

Posted by youngali

Posted by LillyPetal

Posted by youngali
man, you're stress.

so basically, you're mad at him for telling you how he feels, because you don't like the way how "he feels" makes you feel.

just fucking insane.

That's not the situation. I'm mad at him for not being honest with me regarding how he feels, all the while telling me I'm perfect, only to know there are things about me that annoy him. He kept it in until he let it boil over. I was completely thrown off guard because I was literally focusing on baking f uc king vegan brownies. Then there is this string of feelings that I never knew existed about something I do that I never thought twice about. So what else is he not telling me? My belief that him saying how great I am is complete bulls hit because I know I'm not that great has just been validated.

he told you what annoys him at the very moment you did it. he was being honest. you asked for the truth, yet you can't even handle it. who the fuck does that?

doesn't matter if he said it during pillow talk or a couple days later. he still served you the truth.

...and based on your reaction, he's probably gonna start lying now, because clearly you can't handle shit.

click to expand

I can't handle criticism from him when it comes from a place of meanness rather than honesty. That's why I try to create a space for honesty.

I know that, ideally, there would be trust in that I know when he says something, it's coming from a good place, even when it's not said in a way I'd like. But I'm not there yet and I don't know that I'll ever get there.

Posted by LillyPetal

Posted by cornmaizeshark

Posted by LillyPetal

Posted by Deedee86
Do you two live and work together? If so, this may be a case of too much togetherness. You are starting to get on each others nerves. Even the best couples need separate time. Take the space and enjoy it. Come back together stronger than ever.

Yes, we do.

I'm worried that every time we have a major disagreement, he will drop me off at my house. What happens when we have just one place?

It frightens me how I can feel hate for him. I feel hate, that I can't recall loving him.

It frightens me too. You should seek counseling.

Has it worked for you?

click to expand

Nope, I'm still scared of your hate for your boyfriend.

Posted by LillyPetal

Posted by Deedee86
Do you two live and work together? If so, this may be a case of too much togetherness. You are starting to get on each others nerves. Even the best couples need separate time. Take the space and enjoy it. Come back together stronger than ever.

Yes, we do.

I'm worried that every time we have a major disagreement, he will drop me off at my house. What happens when we have just one place?

It frightens me how I can feel hate for him. I feel hate, that I can't recall loving him.

click to expand

This is a major red flag. You two definitely need some space. It will give you both clarity. If you feel hate towards him now, it is probably not a wise decision to live with him. Little annoyances will just get amplified.

Ur dumb

I know one vegan with 20 cats.

She is slowly developing schizophrenia.

So I think this is where it all coming from. Lack of meat in her diet!

She starting to hate people. Like her own father...

This ab'normal care for animals turning into hate for humans. I've seen it. Her father died after she started suing him for the house when he was 85! He died before the trial.

But she will kill or her cats!

@LillyPetal...have a burger!

You losing it because you are not satisfied with your food!

Poor Cap...

Do you know that Caps can be very patient until one time they decide - enough?

Than you can beat your stupid head against the wall...

You hate him?

Posted by bittercupcake
This is what happens.. when women try to make their fantasies into reality...and thinking they can handle that reality

Fantasy

"I want you to be 100% honest with me... do i look I fat..?"

"Yes, you actually do... I'd advice to put the dork down.. and hit the gym."

"Ok great honey!... thank you for being so honest..!"

Reality

"I want you to be 100% honest with me.. do I look fat..?"

"No, of course not honey... you look great..!"

*suspicious... so keeps prying*

"I want you to be honest with me..! Tell me how you truly feel.. I can take it!!"

" I told you...!! You look fine..!"

"No... I feel like you're being dishonest with me..! You don't love me..!! You can't even be honest with me.!

"Fine... i think you'd look better if you'd drop 5 pounds.."

"See..!! You DO think I'm fat..! .. you don't love me..! Why am I not enough for you..?!"



There's no way...of winning with these types of people

No. What would make that scenario similar to mine was if I asked him if I was fat, and he said no that I was perfect, and then one day - out of the blue - he talks about how fat I am.

Posted by bittercupcake
This is what happens.. when women try to make their fantasies into reality...and thinking they can handle that reality

Fantasy

"I want you to be 100% honest with me... do i look I fat..?"

"Yes, you actually do... I'd advice to put the dork down.. and hit the gym."

"Ok great honey!... thank you for being so honest..!"

Reality

"I want you to be 100% honest with me.. do I look fat..?"

"No, of course not honey... you look great..!"

*suspicious... so keeps prying*

"I want you to be honest with me..! Tell me how you truly feel.. I can take it!!"

" I told you...!! You look fine..!"

"No... I feel like you're being dishonest with me..! You don't love me..!! You can't even be honest with me.!

"Fine... i think you'd look better if you'd drop 5 pounds.."

"See..!! You DO think I'm fat..! .. you don't love me..! Why am I not enough for you..?!"



There's no way...of winning with these types of people

When my daughter gain tons of weight and asked me if she looks fat - my response was:

There is a mirror and scale.

I love you.

?

Now when she lost it all and size 8 being 5'8" - I told her that she looked scary!

She said why didn't you tell me?

I said because you have eyes and you knew and I saved myself a headache!