Women who make more than their male partner

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by SassyKiwi on Wednesday, July 10, 2019 and has 19 replies.

Profile picture of SassyKiwi
@SassyKiwi
10 Years5,000+ Posts

This is very interesting to me since we're in a time period for the first time where there are more women than men who are more financially independent and living on their own.

I've been seeing an increase in relationships where women significantly make more than their male partner (1.5x or more) and don't seem to quite understand. What is keeping these women from going for someone who earns equally or more than them? I'd think these women would have higher financial standards for the men they choose to be with?

Don't get me wrong, I believe a person's character is more important than their income. I'm just curious what is keeping these women from being with men of a similar income caliber as them since these days usually high-income earning men are picky and seek someone near their level as their partner.

Profile picture of virghost
@virghost
7 Years

because most likely they choose their partner by not asking "what's your annual income?" it would feel too arranged if people seeked mates based on similar stats

Profile picture of DMV
@DMV
15 Years25,000+ PostsSagittarius

As a black woman, I find it hard to date black men who have the same cash flow as myself because ...

Majority of successful black men don't view black women as a status symbol. They dont see as as apart of their success or the image of success. They tend to date white women or foreign woman. Most all of lighter skin.

Whereas black women view the black man as success and apart of the image of being successful.

Profile picture of SassyKiwi
@SassyKiwi
10 Years5,000+ Posts

Posted by DMV

As a black woman, I find it hard to date black men who have the same cash flow as myself because ...

Majority of successful black men don't view black women as a status symbol. They dont see as as apart of their success or the image of success. They tend to date white women or foreign woman. Most all of lighter skin.

Whereas black women view the black man as success and apart of the image of being successful.

I’ve seen this too. I totally support interracial relationships. But when a person looks down on the men or women of their race and sees other men or women outside of their race as a better status symbol for their own success, that is just plain disgusting and you most likely wouldn't want to ever end up with such a person with such mentality regardless of if they worship your race outside of theirs.

Profile picture of LadyNeptune
@LadyNeptune
10 Years25,000+ Posts

Income fluctuates. What someone makes currently is in no way an indicator of their earning potential 5, 10, 15 years later.

You should also factor in the generation divide here. While its more common in the older generations to have the traditional gender roles (man breadwinner, woman homemaker) thats less and less of an option for younger generations. Both parties need to hustle and bring home the bacon just to survive let alone thrive enough to afford children.

Profile picture of LadyNeptune
@LadyNeptune
10 Years25,000+ Posts

Personally I've dated both men who make more and less than me. Ime the men who were making much more wanted me to give up my career and play house and pop out babies. Huge compatibility issues there.

Profile picture of Leo138
@Leo138
7 YearsLeo

This is so odd to me. Why would I care about how much someone makes?

I was with my Ex for 8 years and I always made more than him. I never cared. He’s an artists and I always was ok with him focusing on that. I rather be with someone who enjoys what he does and is passionate, than someone who makes a lot of money. I’m lucky that i have a career that I’m good at and like and pays me good. Why do I need a guy to make more money than me? I really don’t understand this at all.....

Profile picture of VenusAquarius
@VenusAquarius
14 Years10,000+ Posts

From what I understand, I make more than most people.

I'm not Capital One, I don't care what is in your wallet.

I dated men who made more and men who made less... white, black, etc. to include a millionaire.

If they made less, I'd show them how to do this if they were open to it...do their job searches, apps, and do their resume.... regardless if I saw "forever" with them or not.

I do the same for my husband. He makes less than me but I found him the best job he ever had and he's enjoying himself outside in the woods like the farm boy he is. He comes home and tells me about his wilderness adventures.. . Gophers, eagles, n 'shit while I'm black-suiting it in D.C. with these sharks.

Profile picture of LadyNeptune
@LadyNeptune
10 Years25,000+ Posts

Posted by LethalFantasia

Posted by LadyNeptune

Income fluctuates. What someone makes currently is in no way an indicator of their earning potential 5, 10, 15 years later.

You should also factor in the generation divide here. While its more common in the older generations to have the traditional gender roles (man breadwinner, woman homemaker) thats less and less of an option for younger generations. Both parties need to hustle and bring home the bacon just to survive let alone thrive enough to afford children.

I honestly don't care as long as they're passionate and happy about what they do and not collecting debt like a crazy person x

no amount of money in a relationship will bring about happiness if there are those lingering "money issues"

money and sex or whatever are apparently like in the top 5 reasons for why people divorce

but don't quote me cos my #geminimind can forget the details soo00oo look it up bbs

xoxoxoxoxox

click to expand

Yeah money is the top reason people split up. Trailed by infidelity.

I agree with you whole heartedly. As long as my dude has passion and that hustle mentality, Idgaf what he's making.

But certainly more money goes a long way in being able to afford the life style I want. So I won't turn em away if he gets a raise lmao

Profile picture of heliumfiasco
@heliumfiasco
14 Years1,000+ Posts

I don't care what someone makes. But, id like someone to be at least on-par with what I make. That way we can go on vacations, do activities, without finances stopping us. I'm 33 I dont have the patience to deal with someone struggling to keep their head above water constantly.

We should both be self-sufficient and stable. I dont care who makes "more".

Profile picture of ELIGAB
@ELIGAB
7 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by VenusAquarius

From what I understand, I make more than most people.

I'm not Capital One, I don't care what is in your wallet.

I dated men who made more and men who made less... white, black, etc. to include a millionaire.

If they made less, I'd show them how to do this if they were open to it...do their job searches, apps, and do their resume.... regardless if I saw "forever" with them or not.

I do the same for my husband. He makes less than me but I found him the best job he ever had and he's enjoying himself outside in the woods like the farm boy he is. He comes home and tells me about his wilderness adventures.. . Gophers, eagles, n 'shit while I'm black-suiting it in D.C. with these sharks.

DMV

STAND UP, AYE

lol

❣🥰

Profile picture of VenusAquarius
@VenusAquarius
14 Years10,000+ Posts

Posted by ELIGAB

Posted by VenusAquarius

From what I understand, I make more than most people.

I'm not Capital One, I don't care what is in your wallet.

I dated men who made more and men who made less... white, black, etc. to include a millionaire.

If they made less, I'd show them how to do this if they were open to it...do their job searches, apps, and do their resume.... regardless if I saw "forever" with them or not.

I do the same for my husband. He makes less than me but I found him the best job he ever had and he's enjoying himself outside in the woods like the farm boy he is. He comes home and tells me about his wilderness adventures.. . Gophers, eagles, n 'shit while I'm black-suiting it in D.C. with these sharks.

DMV

STAND UP, AYE

lol

❣🥰

click to expand

LOL

Profile picture of VenusAquarius
@VenusAquarius
14 Years10,000+ Posts

Posted by Arielle83

Think women worry the guy will cheat or use them if the chick is more successful.

It happens.

I know guys who are working part time with their own business and raising kids while their wife is the breadwinner.

These guys love their kids hard.

And the men be scared the women gonna cheat too cause he know you work with ballers.

Ballers actively try to tempt you like come be with a fellow baller babe, I got property, this jag, my condo being built... it's palatial... you beautiful, independent, and make money, ewww come be wit me

Profile picture of nikkistar
@nikkistar
9 Years10,000+ Posts

I make 10 times more than my guy. I make more than most people. My guy makes what is essentially average middle class wages, and has for most of our time together.

And I give two shits about finding a guy that makes as much or the same as me.

Money doesn't define a man's worth. Just like money doesn't define a women's worth.

I met my fiance when I was moving into my first apartment on my own. Leaving a failed marriage behind me. Barely getting back into the work force after being a stay at home mom for years. I lived paycheck to paycheck initially because I was at my job a grand total of 3 months. And my guy, helped one of my "friends" (not anymore) he didn't even know with a loan to pay his child support to keep him out of jail. Simply because I asked. Through the years, even when we had our short break, he has supported me emotionally. And then he decided 2 years ago to move here to CA. Uprooting his life to be with me. And in the meantime, my income slowly kept going up and up until what it is today. But he was with me before all of this. And he loved me before it too. He wakes up and goes to the store at 3 am to get me medicine if I have a migraine. He slept in a chair next to my hospital bed for a week. I held his hand when his dad and sister died. And he held mine when my grandmother died. He cooks me dinner. He does our laundry. He cleans our room. Not because I expect him to, or because he doesn't work. But because he knows I have far more stress and longer hours then him to make what I do. And he wants me to relax while at home.

So to answer the question, sometimes the man is with you before you make money. And you know he loves you because he's been there for the worst. And just maybe, instead of wondering what is in his wallet, you care more for what is in his heart.

Profile picture of thecrazyariestaurus
@thecrazyariestaurus
11 Years1,000+ PostsTaurus

Personally, idc. I’m used to making more than most men my age. I started my career super young, and made a lot more than my peers when I started, so I’ve always been used to making more than the guys I date. Also, growing up, my mom was the bread winner. So I was also used to seeing that growing up. Doesn’t bother me really. As long as they have a job, and aren’t sitting on their ass all day. I don’t depend on men providing for me, so their paycheck doesn’t mean anything to me.

Profile picture of LibraSupreme
@LibraSupreme
8 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by blvckphvse

I am one of these people.. and honestly I do not know. Someone's income never mattered to me or had any impact on whether I wanted to be with them or not. So long as they can take of them self and don't expect me to constantly provide for them, it doesn't bother me.

X2

I usually earn the higher wage, I tend to gravitate to women who can separate work hrs and play hrs. I just hate when the convince is interrupted and limitations on enjoyment is compromised because of long work hrs.

Profile picture of Parkourler
@Parkourler
10 Years1,000+ PostsTaurus

What about the influence of higher income on the private life? Like what if you want to go to a vacation ge cant afford? I have seen the

resentment and tension over day to day finance matters, so please tell us about how it affects our day to day life. And also are males here with hubs who earn more?

Profile picture of fishcrabscale2
@fishcrabscale2
8 Years500+ Posts

Posted by ItsSupes2

Posted by Timon

I don't care. Money isn't the reason why I'm with someone. As long as he can carry his own it doesn't bother me.

What about if you want to go to Spain and he’s making $ 10/hr and can’t go?

click to expand

This is a real issue. and they cant get a visa because theyre poor or something 😔 Just have to adjust to their level, which is sad, but if you love the person.. sigh.

Profile picture of AriesJo
@AriesJo
11 Years500+ Posts

I think we might say one thing, but in the situation other issues may arise. I don’t think it would bother me. But in that film always be my maybe, she want to move to another city for her career and he doesn’t.. so would guys move to help a woman with her career, and would guys give up their job to be a stay at home dad if it made more sense for the woman to earn the money... so I think these issues could follow, which some guys might have difficulty with. I think the guy would have to be able to keep his job to be honest, not sure.

Profile picture of SassyKiwi
@SassyKiwi
10 Years5,000+ Posts

Posted by AriesJo

I think we might say one thing, but in the situation other issues may arise. I don’t think it would bother me. But in that film always be my maybe, she want to move to another city for her career and he doesn’t.. so would guys move to help a woman with her career, and would guys give up their job to be a stay at home dad if it made more sense for the woman to earn the money... so I think these issues could follow, which some guys might have difficulty with. I think the guy would have to be able to keep his job to be honest, not sure.

Yeah you see I made this thread because I recently went to a wedding where both the young bride and groom recently graduated from ivy leagues and work for Microsoft. My ex who works for a big law firm is gonna marry this chick who's studying to be a doctor. Looking at their life through social media... they all seem so individually successful, driven and busy that I'm so curious how these people make a serious relationship work (they're all below 30). It then makes sense why so many financially well off women (like 30+) have been going for men with less demanding careers. They're more sensible in regards to the reality of the effort it takes to maintain and balance a relationship long term? But ironically the male counterpart these days are becoming more and more picky and wanting a partner financially equivalent to them which just isn’t possible without both having demanding careers? Just an interesting observation.