Can not stand living right now.

You know when you can't see a future for yourself,

That you feel left behind?

That you don't feel like you belong?

Ok I'm going to lay it out and you tell me if I should die or not.

I live in a small town and the only jobs going ATM that I'm qualified for is a bar, I was recycling computers but the company I worked for got sued by windows....

Anyways I work at a bar where lots of the staff are younger than me and the majority of them are sexy females with big tits and short skirts, and they barely have to do anything, if a keg needs changing its me, if a room needs to be changed around it's me, if the bar needs to be closed it's me. Pretty much everything I do there besides working the bar is hard intensive labour and I have to wear long pants, I'm busting my ass sweating buckets and for fucks sakes I know I'm hotter than every bitch there when I'm dressed up and it hurts that my managers know that I'm a dragqueen but they can't see me....it's not that I'm trying to get out of hard work ? it's just I hate being treated like a work horse, like a man and no one feels obligated to work as a team....like it would be nice if someone saw me and say "hey can I help you with that"

Now my only option for me to be treated like a normal human being is to live in the city and work at a gay club as a drag queen where I receive no superannuation and no contract, my brother is a drag queen and makes good money but has to deal with so many businesses ripping him off and not paying him.....anyways I fucking hate the city and every time I live there I get sick from the air and I get depressed from the people because gay, city folk are most crazy, weird, scary, fake people I can think of

I feel like I can't win and that I don't belong anywhere.

I'm thinking about going to Fiji and working on the farms for a bit or at a resort and just focussing on my health.

It's the only place I don't get anxiety attacks.

At the moment I'm finding it really hard to not run out into the middle of the street during service into the fastest semi trailer....

And it doesn't matter what job I'm at I always get these thoughts.

Fiji sounds like an awesome idea but otherwise why don't you move to Sydney - there's plenty of work here

First of all, I am sorry to be reading about all these hardships you are going through. You don't deserve to be treated like that, no one does. The fact you get to do all the hard work as a man, whereas your female coworkers just have to smile and get away with sitting around is a form of sexism at the workplace, but that obviously doesn't help you.

I think getting out of your comfort zone and maybe really going to the Fiji Islands would be a great way for you to disconnect from a poisonous environment. It would be physical work, but at least you wouldn't be imprisoned between four walls. Sometimes fresh air can go a long way to clear our mind. When we are down, we have this impression that there are no solutions to a dire situations.

If ever you do choose to move to the city and adopt your brother's life style , with the fear of not getting paid that comes with it, are there any freelance jobs you could do to supplement your salary? For example, I have a friend (she doesn't even live in an English-speaking country) who works as an online English teacher for a Japanese company that connects Japanese students and worldwide English teachers (they don't need any diploma since the Japanese company actually trains them and furnishes the teaching material too). Is there anything like that that you could do for some extra income and to cut that cycle of abuse and financial dependence?

Stay alive

Life can change in a heartbeat

Things will move forward and improve for you

(((hugs)))

X

Posted by tiziani
Fiji sounds like a decent bet, and focusing on health is always a good idea. I think you should give it a go.

I agree

Thanks a lot guys means a lot to me that you take the time

I don't want to commit suicide or die it's just sometimes at work I get overwhelemed and I feel like I can't control myself that I could do something stupid. I probably need to see a workplace councillor.

Fiji is def on the cards I have family over there and they will set me straight.

I know running away from problems isn't the right solution but I realise there's nothing here for me so yeh...

Anyways I'm gonna talk to my workplace councillor thanks x

Posted by The_eleventh_sign_11
Thanks a lot guys means a lot to me that you take the time

I don't want to commit suicide or die it's just sometimes at work I get overwhelemed and I feel like I can't control myself that I could do something stupid. I probably need to see a workplace councillor.

Fiji is def on the cards I have family over there and they will set me straight.

I know running away from problems isn't the right solution but I realise there's nothing here for me so yeh...

Anyways I'm gonna talk to my workplace councillor thanks x

Go for it

Fiji is a beautiful place?

come here in philippines and you work from us,there's no pressure here.u have ur own privacy..u have ur space..u just talk and convince patience to avail and wear eyeglass

Life is about finding your way.... finding where you belong.

You'll find your way. Let those feelings motivate you.

I love not fitting in and life being a challenge. The difficulty and fact it will end no matter what I do makes life have meaning.

Posted by Soul
I love not fitting in and life being a challenge. The difficulty and fact it will end no matter what I do makes life have meaning.

You have a community.

Dream something you want and go for it 🙂 Even if it's a vague dream like to be happy...

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by Soul
I love not fitting in and life being a challenge. The difficulty and fact it will end no matter what I do makes life have meaning.

You have a community.

click to expand

What do you mean? Like the town I live in or dxpnet?

A small city is hard to work in. There's not many opportunities and personally a big city chick and I love it out here. I think you'll be happier being in Fiji. Better take the chance than regret not doing it.

Posted by The_eleventh_sign_11
You know when you can't see a future for yourself,

That you feel left behind?

That you don't feel like you belong?

Ok I'm going to lay it out and you tell me if I should die or not.

I live in a small town and the only jobs going ATM that I'm qualified for is a bar, I was recycling computers but the company I worked for got sued by windows....

Anyways I work at a bar where lots of the staff are younger than me and the majority of them are sexy females with big tits and short skirts, and they barely have to do anything, if a keg needs changing its me, if a room needs to be changed around it's me, if the bar needs to be closed it's me. Pretty much everything I do there besides working the bar is hard intensive labour and I have to wear long pants, I'm busting my ass sweating buckets and for fucks sakes I know I'm hotter than every bitch there when I'm dressed up and it hurts that my managers know that I'm a dragqueen but they can't see me....it's not that I'm trying to get out of hard work ? it's just I hate being treated like a work horse, like a man and no one feels obligated to work as a team....like it would be nice if someone saw me and say "hey can I help you with that"

Now my only option for me to be treated like a normal human being is to live in the city and work at a gay club as a drag queen where I receive no superannuation and no contract, my brother is a drag queen and makes good money but has to deal with so many businesses ripping him off and not paying him.....anyways I fucking hate the city and every time I live there I get sick from the air and I get depressed from the people because gay, city folk are most crazy, weird, scary, fake people I can think of

I feel like I can't win and that I don't belong anywhere.

I'm thinking about going to Fiji and working on the farms for a bit or at a resort and just focussing on my health.

It's the only place I don't get anxiety attacks.

At the moment I'm finding it really hard to not run out into the middle of the street during service into the fastest semi trailer....

And it doesn't matter what job I'm at I always get these thoughts.

you are an aquarius stellium

with all that air, and aries rising and sag mars,

you need mental stimulaton above ALL ELSE.

i would hang in there because you have a steady job, at the bar, working.

you need that work experience, (to me that is gold) and for a young man, no matter the orientation,

it's super important.

try to get to school.

while working.

keep your job, of course, but get schooling.

school will help stimulate your senses, and keep you feeling alive. Like learning and learning about anything and the world, history, science, biology, ect.

it will make you feel sooo happy, like the water filling up your jar.

you'll feel healthier and happier, because you're learning about life and about people.

take people as they are, and let it go, cause they are also just going about life and living too.

your thoughts are gonna filled with lots of education. that's where you will be the happiest.

Posted by The_eleventh_sign_11
Thanks a lot guys means a lot to me that you take the time

I don't want to commit suicide or die it's just sometimes at work I get overwhelemed and I feel like I can't control myself that I could do something stupid. I probably need to see a workplace councillor.

Fiji is def on the cards I have family over there and they will set me straight.

I know running away from problems isn't the right solution but I realise there's nothing here for me so yeh...

Anyways I'm gonna talk to my workplace councillor thanks x

To me... that doesn't seem like you're not running away from problems. Sounds more like - you feel trapped there (in a place - that makes you feel like you don't belong there) and you're trying to get out... to find a place that's more in tune with who you are. Like Fiji (if you feel more at home there).

Through repetition - people can get used to almost any type of habitual life style . Doesn't matter how miserable it makes them feel (our sense of home - is always tied to habits - to the know evil/hardship - since that too can imply a sense of comfort / quite dysfunctional and contradictory to the actual meaning but... that's how it works). While change... even though, it's clearly the most adequate solution - simply because it's the opposite of "what you got used to (your current habitual life style )" - it can always feel like a hard step to make. Relocation can be quite hard on most people - "if that move implies unknown details".

Except for a heavy Sags (: for them - moving a lot and exploring the world - feels more like home).

That being said... JUST DO IT (TAKE ACTION)! ? Don't think about it any longer (at this point your habitual mind will work against you - will try to sabotage you into staying longer - to endure the evil/hardship you got used to ?).