INTJ emotionally conflicted virgo
@coldwateryvirgo
8 Years500+ PostsVirgo
Comments: 132 · Posts: 837 · Topics: 85
Last post on this forum : cancer man cheated, now what ?
I'm so sorry. Best to say something after you've really thought about what you want to say. If you want to save the relationship, you might ask what the other relationship did for him so maybe you can work your relationship. That's if he's sorry and wants to quit. My theory is tho, if he hasn't told you, he's not over it. He could be if you call him out, but then it wouldn't be bc he wanted to end it. Only to not lose you. Soooooo... think baby girl. Get 1 drink, a glass of wine, what have you. Tryyyyy to relax but plan your words and course of action. Be strong. You can do this. I'm sorry you have to, but maybe this is a turning point you needed for some reason or another... good job listening to your gut!! That would be the only time I would even think to snoop. You don't have to say hey I was snooping and found.... you could just say hey I know about her ok, what are we going to do about it? Your face and certainty should tell him it's for real and not a bluff or something...
Posted by AbbyNormalI still don’t know what to do . I tried to hide my crying all night .he’s not just my boyfriend ... but my best friend . My mom and him is two person in my life that means something . It’s so hard . I run scenarios of the right things to do and say but it’s all over the place .. why ?
I'm so sorry. Best to say something after you've really thought about what you want to say. If you want to save the relationship, you might ask what the other relationship did for him so maybe you can work your relationship. That's if he's sorry and wants to quit. My theory is tho, if he hasn't told you, he's not over it. He could be if you call him out, but then it wouldn't be bc he wanted to end it. Only to not lose you. Soooooo... think baby girl. Get 1 drink, a glass of wine, what have you. Tryyyyy to relax but plan your words and course of action. Be strong. You can do this. I'm sorry you have to, but maybe this is a turning point you needed for some reason or another... good job listening to your gut!! That would be the only time I would even think to snoop. You don't have to say hey I was snooping and found.... you could just say hey I know about her ok, what are we going to do about it? Your face and certainty should tell him it's for real and not a bluff or something...
The saddest thing of all is he cheated .. at the same time I don’t doubt that he loves me . That’s the most messed up part of it all
Do you still want him? Are you willing to forgive? If the two of you have agreed to a monogamous relationship, you need to confront him
If end is the end game why wait and be repulsed in the presence of someone who cheated on you?
Posted by coldwateryvirgodoes he consider you his best friend also?Posted by AbbyNormal
I'm so sorry. Best to say something after you've really thought about what you want to say. If you want to save the relationship, you might ask what the other relationship did for him so maybe you can work your relationship. That's if he's sorry and wants to quit. My theory is tho, if he hasn't told you, he's not over it. He could be if you call him out, but then it wouldn't be bc he wanted to end it. Only to not lose you. Soooooo... think baby girl. Get 1 drink, a glass of wine, what have you. Tryyyyy to relax but plan your words and course of action. Be strong. You can do this. I'm sorry you have to, but maybe this is a turning point you needed for some reason or another... good job listening to your gut!! That would be the only time I would even think to snoop. You don't have to say hey I was snooping and found.... you could just say hey I know about her ok, what are we going to do about it? Your face and certainty should tell him it's for real and not a bluff or something...
I still don’t know what to do . I tried to hide my crying all night .he’s not just my boyfriend ... but my best friend . My mom and him is two person in my life that means something . It’s so hard . I run scenarios of the right things to do and say but it’s all over the place .. why ?
The saddest thing of all is he cheated .. at the same time I don’t doubt that he loves me . That’s the most messed up part of it all click to expandclick to expand
I mean, Abby gave you an excellent warm advice and you are so self-absorbed that you didnt even say thank you for your kind words or something
maybe your cancer is fed up with your self-centredness and that you dont have a life?
Posted by coldwateryvirgoPosted by AbbyNormal
I'm so sorry. Best to say something after you've really thought about what you want to say. If you want to save the relationship, you might ask what the other relationship did for him so maybe you can work your relationship. That's if he's sorry and wants to quit. My theory is tho, if he hasn't told you, he's not over it. He could be if you call him out, but then it wouldn't be bc he wanted to end it. Only to not lose you. Soooooo... think baby girl. Get 1 drink, a glass of wine, what have you. Tryyyyy to relax but plan your words and course of action. Be strong. You can do this. I'm sorry you have to, but maybe this is a turning point you needed for some reason or another... good job listening to your gut!! That would be the only time I would even think to snoop. You don't have to say hey I was snooping and found.... you could just say hey I know about her ok, what are we going to do about it? Your face and certainty should tell him it's for real and not a bluff or something...
I still don’t know what to do . I tried to hide my crying all night .he’s not just my boyfriend ... but my best friend . My mom and him is two person in my life that means something . It’s so hard . I run scenarios of the right things to do and say but it’s all over the place .. why ?
The saddest thing of all is he cheated .. at the same time I don’t doubt that he loves me . That’s the most messed up part of it all click to expandclick to expandclick to expandclick to expand
So consider what your love for him means to you. If you are worried about losing a best friend and lover, you can try to forgive him and move on. But that trust is a VERY hard thing to get back so it will be time and work on both your parts. If you decide the pain is too much, I can tell you from losing my best friend and lover that I never thought I would be happy again honestly, but time has proven me wrong. A lot of time and forgiveness.
Posted by coldwateryvirgo
It happened . . I flew to see him As I usually do but I had a sketchy intuition. . I snoop his phone ( I know this shows I have issues). I
Why do ppl think that's 'having issues'. I say snoop hard until you learn you can trust a person. Or not.
I’d leave without a word.
Either you confront him about the situation or you leave without a word and change your number and block any form of contacts.
And while you're at it, just enjoy your last few days on your small vacation before going back home. A getaway...
And while you're at it, just enjoy your last few days on your small vacation before going back home. A getaway...
Posted by igotthatfireSame here. But first I’d take his cc and book myself a hotel room for the rest of the week.
I’d leave without a word.
If you are absolutely sure he cheated, and it sounds like you are, then be out. Speak your truth, own your shit, and leave.
It's all nice in theory to sit down and talk and maybe try and understand, get closure etc. F that noise. Listen, the only person you need to be true to is you. You flew out there to see this person, you had a sneaking suspicion (intuition) and you were validated. It's obvious there were issues prior otherwise you wouldn't have had the feeling you had. I f'ing HATE cheats and liars, been there, done that. You know what I figured out? I don't settle for CRUMBS. Eliminate what doesn't help you evolve. Remember that!
It's all nice in theory to sit down and talk and maybe try and understand, get closure etc. F that noise. Listen, the only person you need to be true to is you. You flew out there to see this person, you had a sneaking suspicion (intuition) and you were validated. It's obvious there were issues prior otherwise you wouldn't have had the feeling you had. I f'ing HATE cheats and liars, been there, done that. You know what I figured out? I don't settle for CRUMBS. Eliminate what doesn't help you evolve. Remember that!
Posted by LadyNeptuneWhy? So you can justify to him why he didn't think that much of you in the first place? People need to check their egos.Posted by igotthatfire
I’d leave without a word.
Same here. But first I’d take his cc and book myself a hotel room for the rest of the week. click to expandclick to expand
" I flew to see him As I usually do but I had a sketchy intuition. . I snoop his phone"
enough said
unless there is a backstory, like you are together for a long time (other than online and you flying out to see him AS USUALLY)
we always got only one side of the story here.... and from this side of the story I know only, that the OP are pursuing him and snooping his phone
maybe he checked out a long time ago or never was in at all
(if there is a loving back story, I would be more than happy to be corrected and would apologize)
enough said
unless there is a backstory, like you are together for a long time (other than online and you flying out to see him AS USUALLY)
we always got only one side of the story here.... and from this side of the story I know only, that the OP are pursuing him and snooping his phone
maybe he checked out a long time ago or never was in at all
(if there is a loving back story, I would be more than happy to be corrected and would apologize)
Posted by JJM1120Then he shouldn’t have lead me on in the relationship and wasted my time and money in visiting him. It’s simple really.Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by igotthatfire
I’d leave without a word.
Same here. But first I’d take his cc and book myself a hotel room for the rest of the week. click to expand
Why? So you can justify to him why he didn't think that much of you in the first place? People need to check their egos. click to expandclick to expand
Not an ego trip to expect your boyfriend to be loyal. Gtfoh
Hotel room is so you don’t have to suffer his lying ass for the rest of the week until your flight home.
Posted by OCJackI just imagine how happy he will be, if she finally get the message and stay silent and finally away
Noooo. Don't listen to anybody saying to tell him. The most powerful thing of all to say, is complete silence. Let him think you just weren't that into him or whathaveyou. Make him feel like he is /beneath/ you.
Posted by LadyNeptuneActually you know, it was wrong of me to make the ego comment towards you in that way. I don't agree with the whole revenge, quid pro quo reaction. To me, it just keeps me connected to this person that much longer than is necessary and minimizes my self respect. It's an ego driven reaction that I no longer want in my life. However that is me. You are free to be you.Posted by JJM1120Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by igotthatfire
I’d leave without a word.
Same here. But first I’d take his cc and book myself a hotel room for the rest of the week. click to expand
Why? So you can justify to him why he didn't think that much of you in the first place? People need to check their egos. click to expand
Then he shouldn’t have lead me on in the relationship and wasted my time and money in visiting him. It’s simple really.
Not an ego trip to expect your boyfriend to be loyal. Gtfoh click to expandclick to expand
Posted by OCJackyes to lol 🙂Posted by Pandora101
I just imagine how happy he will be, if she finally get the message and stay silent and finally away click to expand
As a cancer, he will be completely crushed and depressed lol click to expandclick to expand
I dont get a vibe from this post at all that its all like what the OP says
Edit: "Last post on this forum" headline - drama queen with self inflected problems
Posted by Arielle83"Her thread history is just cookiemonstery cancer man rants. "Posted by Pandora101Posted by OCJackPosted by Pandora101
I just imagine how happy he will be, if she finally get the message and stay silent and finally away click to expand
As a cancer, he will be completely crushed and depressed lol click to expand
yes to lol
I dont get a vibe from this post at all that its all like what the OP says
Edit: "Last post on this forum" headline - drama queen with self inflected problems click to expand
Her thread history is just cookiemonstery cancer man rants. click to expandclick to expand
yeah, I thought so
Posted by JJM1120I’m not suggesting revenge. I’m suggesting remove yourself ASAP. Hotel room is so you don’t have to suffer his presence until your flight leaves. F that.Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by JJM1120Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by igotthatfire
I’d leave without a word.
Same here. But first I’d take his cc and book myself a hotel room for the rest of the week. click to expand
Why? So you can justify to him why he didn't think that much of you in the first place? People need to check their egos. click to expand
Then he shouldn’t have lead me on in the relationship and wasted my time and money in visiting him. It’s simple really.
Not an ego trip to expect your boyfriend to be loyal. Gtfoh click to expand
Actually you know, it was wrong of me to make the ego comment towards you in that way. I don't agree with the whole revenge, quid pro quo reaction. To me, it just keeps me connected to this person that much longer than is necessary and minimizes my self respect. It's an ego driven reaction that I no longer want in my life. However that is me. You are free to be you. click to expandclick to expand
Posted by LadyNeptune"Hotel room is so you don’t have to suffer his presence until your flight leaves"Posted by JJM1120Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by JJM1120Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by igotthatfire
I’d leave without a word.
Same here. But first I’d take his cc and book myself a hotel room for the rest of the week. click to expand
Why? So you can justify to him why he didn't think that much of you in the first place? People need to check their egos. click to expand
Then he shouldn’t have lead me on in the relationship and wasted my time and money in visiting him. It’s simple really.
Not an ego trip to expect your boyfriend to be loyal. Gtfoh click to expand
Actually you know, it was wrong of me to make the ego comment towards you in that way. I don't agree with the whole revenge, quid pro quo reaction. To me, it just keeps me connected to this person that much longer than is necessary and minimizes my self respect. It's an ego driven reaction that I no longer want in my life. However that is me. You are free to be you. click to expand
I’m not suggesting revenge. I’m suggesting remove yourself ASAP. Hotel room is so you don’t have to suffer his presence until your flight leaves. F that. click to expandclick to expand
very good advice and in this case even brilliant, so HE doesn´t have to suffer HER (annoying) presence anymore
Edit: I am afraid the OP will not take your sensible advice, she will do something crazy instead, like crying accusations or killing him even 🙂
Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by igotthatfire
I’d leave without a word.
Same here. But first I’d take his cc and book myself a hotel room for the rest of the week. click to expandclick to expandclick to expand
You don't view taking this person's cc and paying for your hotel room a form of revenge? How about just leaving and using your own money to get yourself home so you can start your NEW life? Just seems sooooo much easier.
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Last night we’ve agreed when he comes back I wouldn’t do 1,2,3...
and he would communicate better.
Do they actually mild and forgiving or there is a line when it goes ‘that’s
Now what ? What do I do ?
I know the end game is the end it but idk how to go about it . Play dumb until I fly home , clock out mentally and then end it in a month or so out of nowhere ? End it on the last day before I leave ?
Deep down I wish there was something he could say that fix this but I know nothing in the world can .