If he is all I wanted why am I still depressed?

I know you are going to turn this about me, however I want to hear more generalized opinions.

So you live a dream that If you are going to have this man in your life - that is all that you need and happiness will follow as soon as he is with you.

Then time passes and you getting together as a trial attempt.

When you realizing all of a sudden that your sadness, depression and anxieties are still there.

And now you stressed out because he might wouldn’t want to have this persona and deal with it! Because you had always played happy role and had been his guiding light!

And now...this!!!

I need some sorting out.

Because nobody outside of yourself can make you truly happy

Took me a long time to work this out 🙄

Because you seem high anxiety and a bit ugly on the inside. I don't think anything external can change that for you.

If you've been playing this happy role this long, with the sadness, depression and anxiety, why not continue?

Are you saying you thought him and the relationship would cure it? If so, it never really works that way unfortunately.

Posted by lnana04

If you've been playing this happy role this long, with the sadness, depression and anxiety, why not continue?

Are you saying you thought him and the relationship would cure it? If so, it never really works that way unfortunately.

YES! I thought if I have him - that will fill the void and I will be the happiest person alive!

It also doesn’t help that he is becoming nervous wreck!

I hope it’s tempotaty.

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by lnana04

If you've been playing this happy role this long, with the sadness, depression and anxiety, why not continue?

Are you saying you thought him and the relationship would cure it? If so, it never really works that way unfortunately.

YES! I thought if I have him - that will fill the void and I will be the happiest person alive!

It also doesn’t help that he is becoming nervous wreck!

I hope it’s tempotaty.

Other people can’t fill the void. You have to. Everything in life is temporary, good things and bad.

click to expand

Some people take forever to realise this

They use drugs, booze, food, sex, rships to try and fill the void

Never works

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by lnana04

If you've been playing this happy role this long, with the sadness, depression and anxiety, why not continue?

Are you saying you thought him and the relationship would cure it? If so, it never really works that way unfortunately.

YES! I thought if I have him - that will fill the void and I will be the happiest person alive!

It also doesn’t help that he is becoming nervous wreck!

I hope it’s tempotaty.

Other people can’t fill the void. You have to. Everything in life is temporary, good things and bad.

Some people take forever to realise this

They use drugs, booze, food, sex, rships to try and fill the void

Never works

Very true!! Well usually it takes wanting to make life better & finally getting you have to look within & not outside of you. Lots of people use whatever it takes to avoid the truth.

click to expand

Yes indeed

Face yourself and you can face the world

👍

Posted by Toti

Perhaps he is someone you wanted, but he isn't someone you need.

Very interesting thought. And I will die if you will be correct!

I think I might be adjusting to ‘happiness’ my way and he is still in a phase ‘what ta fuck just had happened?’...lmao

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by lnana04

If you've been playing this happy role this long, with the sadness, depression and anxiety, why not continue?

Are you saying you thought him and the relationship would cure it? If so, it never really works that way unfortunately.

YES! I thought if I have him - that will fill the void and I will be the happiest person alive!

It also doesn’t help that he is becoming nervous wreck!

I hope it’s tempotaty.

Other people can’t fill the void. You have to. Everything in life is temporary, good things and bad.

Some people take forever to realise this

They use drugs, booze, food, sex, rships to try and fill the void

Never works

Very true!! Well usually it takes wanting to make life better & finally getting you have to look within & not outside of you. Lots of people use whatever it takes to avoid the truth.

Yes indeed

Face yourself and you can face the world

👍

Yes ma’am! It’s not easy but it’s completely worth it ❤️

click to expand

Sure is❤️👍

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by lnana04

If you've been playing this happy role this long, with the sadness, depression and anxiety, why not continue?

Are you saying you thought him and the relationship would cure it? If so, it never really works that way unfortunately.

YES! I thought if I have him - that will fill the void and I will be the happiest person alive!

It also doesn’t help that he is becoming nervous wreck!

I hope it’s tempotaty.

Other people can’t fill the void. You have to. Everything in life is temporary, good things and bad.

Some people take forever to realise this

They use drugs, booze, food, sex, rships to try and fill the void

Never works

Very true!! Well usually it takes wanting to make life better & finally getting you have to look within & not outside of you. Lots of people use whatever it takes to avoid the truth.

click to expand

As long as I hear this I still think it’s a bullshit pretty phrase for those who want to look like they are happy when they aren’t.

It’s always ‘I found happiness within myself’ and never explanation...

Just try to understand my bullshit...

I am not buying it!!!

And YES falling in love with sosmeone does cure even deadly deseases! And yes loving somebody filling the voids and DOES make you happy!

Of course when you have no person to love - you must claim that you love to volunteer in a free library!

It was never about ‘getting’ him. It was the thrill of the affair that distracted you from dealing with your stuff.

Posted by LadyNeptune

It was never about ‘getting’ him. It was the thrill of the affair that distracted you from dealing with your stuff.

It’s srill an affair...you are an idiot!

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by lnana04

If you've been playing this happy role this long, with the sadness, depression and anxiety, why not continue?

Are you saying you thought him and the relationship would cure it? If so, it never really works that way unfortunately.

YES! I thought if I have him - that will fill the void and I will be the happiest person alive!

It also doesn’t help that he is becoming nervous wreck!

I hope it’s tempotaty.

Other people can’t fill the void. You have to. Everything in life is temporary, good things and bad.

Some people take forever to realise this

They use drugs, booze, food, sex, rships to try and fill the void

Never works

Very true!! Well usually it takes wanting to make life better & finally getting you have to look within & not outside of you. Lots of people use whatever it takes to avoid the truth.

As long as I hear this I still think it’s a bullshit pretty phrase for those who want to look like they are happy when they aren’t.

It’s always ‘I found happiness within myself’ and never explanation...

Just try to understand my bullshit...

I am not buying it!!!

And YES falling in love with sosmeone does cure even deadly deseases! And yes loving somebody filling the voids and DOES make you happy!

Of course when you have no person to love - you must claim that you love to volunteer in a free library!

It’s not bullshit. People in a happy relationship will be happier, however if you are still depressed there is a problem. If you aren't being you and are just showing a happy side, there is a problem. You just are avoiding the real issues. I know people who use alcohol to avoid. Drugs & bouncing from relationship to relationship do the same thing. The truth is facing the issues and resolving them. Instead of covering them up. So then in the next relationship there is no covering up, there is openness and transparency and love and acceptance for who each person is. That’s all.

click to expand

You didn’t get it. I’ve been happiest for years when I’ve seen him! And between meetings we had stayed in touch and were happy! No one played a role!

When I went out of business and we stopped seeing each other all the time - I was the happiest during our communication time!

However...I am not an idiot! I always knew that we have people between us! THAT created a huge void in my heart and it’s there.

I can’t un-know what I know!

But I won’t chanhe a thing!

And btw I had our synastry read...it’s ideal...so even the reader was surprised!

Can you imagine how can plain person survive THAT?

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by LadyNeptune

It was never about ‘getting’ him. It was the thrill of the affair that distracted you from dealing with your stuff.

It’s srill an affair...you are an idiot!

click to expand

Right, but now he got you guys a condo so you can play house together. It’s feeling less exciting and more just like the relationship you have with your husband, boring and predictable.

You never really loved him if you don’t care about his emotional well-being. You just loved how his attention made you feel.

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by lnana04

If you've been playing this happy role this long, with the sadness, depression and anxiety, why not continue?

Are you saying you thought him and the relationship would cure it? If so, it never really works that way unfortunately.

YES! I thought if I have him - that will fill the void and I will be the happiest person alive!

It also doesn’t help that he is becoming nervous wreck!

I hope it’s tempotaty.

Hmm. He is becoming a nervous wreck himself?

You describe yourself as the same.

The infatuation, the honeymoon, the Chase, the newness is finally falling off. It took a while because of all the games and trying to make room for a relationship when you both already have another.

You both have always been nervous wrecks. But you two have finally been around each other enough where the cracks in the foundation are starting to become visible.

Soon he will start to resemble things about your husband you don’t like. And you’ll start to resemble things about his wife he doesn’t like. Because at the core of it, you are what stands in the way of your own happiness. Not a dead marriage, not a new affair. The outside is just starting to manifest the internal problems.

click to expand

This is actually exactly how I thought of it! Wow! Bravo!

Except no. Going nuts for a different reason. But this whole scenario was going trough my head...

What do you have to be depressed about?

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by LadyNeptune

It was never about ‘getting’ him. It was the thrill of the affair that distracted you from dealing with your stuff.

It’s srill an affair...you are an idiot!

Right, but now he got you guys a condo so you can play house together. It’s feeling less exciting and more just like the relationship you have with your husband, boring and predictable.

You never really loved him if you don’t care about his emotional well-being. You just loved how his attention made you feel.

click to expand

I don’t even gonna pay attention to this mad bullshit!

I have serious people with brains here whom I am having very useful conversation with. Piss off...please...

Posted by LadyNeptune

What do you have to be depressed about?

I have to think about it...I don’t know.

Posted by Ariqua

Because you realized there’s a man attached to the dick you’re in love with.

I know, it’s horrible. My condolences.

LMAO! But no dear! I fell for man and haven’t seen his dick for 5 years so...you are inaccurate...

Because all that is an illusion

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by stillstillwater

Because you seem high anxiety and a bit ugly on the inside. I don't think anything external can change that for you.

Fuck.

Caps be brutal but to the point.

Lol

I should read replies before I post.

click to expand

what was going to be your post? lol

Posted by solidsnake

Bcuz you are a Gemini

If u had the world served to you on a golden plate You still wouldn’t be satisfied

Is that true known fact and one of the characteristics of my sign? Hmmm

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by lnana04

If you've been playing this happy role this long, with the sadness, depression and anxiety, why not continue?

Are you saying you thought him and the relationship would cure it? If so, it never really works that way unfortunately.

YES! I thought if I have him - that will fill the void and I will be the happiest person alive!

It also doesn’t help that he is becoming nervous wreck!

I hope it’s tempotaty.

Other people can’t fill the void. You have to. Everything in life is temporary, good things and bad.

Some people take forever to realise this

They use drugs, booze, food, sex, rships to try and fill the void

Never works

Very true!! Well usually it takes wanting to make life better & finally getting you have to look within & not outside of you. Lots of people use whatever it takes to avoid the truth.

As long as I hear this I still think it’s a bullshit pretty phrase for those who want to look like they are happy when they aren’t.

It’s always ‘I found happiness within myself’ and never explanation...

Just try to understand my bullshit...

I am not buying it!!!

And YES falling in love with sosmeone does cure even deadly deseases! And yes loving somebody filling the voids and DOES make you happy!

Of course when you have no person to love - you must claim that you love to volunteer in a free library!

It’s not bullshit. People in a happy relationship will be happier, however if you are still depressed there is a problem. If you aren't being you and are just showing a happy side, there is a problem. You just are avoiding the real issues. I know people who use alcohol to avoid. Drugs & bouncing from relationship to relationship do the same thing. The truth is facing the issues and resolving them. Instead of covering them up. So then in the next relationship there is no covering up, there is openness and transparency and love and acceptance for who each person is. That’s all.

You didn’t get it. I’ve been happiest for years when I’ve seen him! And between meetings we had stayed in touch and were happy! No one played a role!

When I went out of business and we stopped seeing each other all the time - I was the happiest during our communication time!

However...I am not an idiot! I always knew that we have people between us! THAT created a huge void in my heart and it’s there.

I can’t un-know what I know!

But I won’t chanhe a thing!

And btw I had our synastry read...it’s ideal...so even the reader was surprised!

Can you imagine how can plain person survive THAT?

Oh I understand it alright. I have survived other situations. You can survive if you are a survivor & move on to something better .. meaning where they are willing to have the whole thing with you. A half life is no life.. and honestly why wouldn’t you have anxieties? You have not been able to have a relationship that two single people would have. So how do you know it will really work? Until you experience it that way.

So was the depression there before him?

click to expand

Yes. My depression was born with me. I was always neurotic and scared of something bad going to happen.

I had a good life and somehow always was afraid of powerty, starvation, war, death in a family...

I was ever happy when I was in love. With a backdrop in my head that it’s going to end. Always waited for trouble.

Meeting Scorp changed it. He projected some light that calmed me down and because I knew he is married and seemed always happy - 5 years of our platonic every other day meetings for business felt like I can’t lose him because I don’t have him but he made me happy! To see him and talk. He treated me with outmost respect but I couldn’t lose him!

After physical affair I still knew I can’t lose him. He wasn’t mine.

And agreement was it just an affair!

After later and when it became obvious that it’s not an just affair anymore - we fell in love - I still being very aware of mission impossible to be together. Until he said he wanted to be together.

My depresssion came back as then I knew he is mine and I can’t have him. So...as it still where it is now and he just told me today he is feeling dead and unable to continue like that...however his mind running in circles trying to figure out shit...and this is what might be making me feel like this because I don’t want him to suffer! But I know he will. As he does.

And I would rather die than hear his voice the way it is right now.

And NO it’s not about sex!

We haven’t been intimate for months. He drove an hour to my work a few weeks ago just to see me and talk in his car for 15min.

And NO we haven’t had sex in the appartment yet. We can’t coordinate time to meet.

Now tell me what ta hell is all this all about...

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by lnana04

If you've been playing this happy role this long, with the sadness, depression and anxiety, why not continue?

Are you saying you thought him and the relationship would cure it? If so, it never really works that way unfortunately.

YES! I thought if I have him - that will fill the void and I will be the happiest person alive!

It also doesn’t help that he is becoming nervous wreck!

I hope it’s tempotaty.

Other people can’t fill the void. You have to. Everything in life is temporary, good things and bad.

Some people take forever to realise this

They use drugs, booze, food, sex, rships to try and fill the void

Never works

Very true!! Well usually it takes wanting to make life better & finally getting you have to look within & not outside of you. Lots of people use whatever it takes to avoid the truth.

As long as I hear this I still think it’s a bullshit pretty phrase for those who want to look like they are happy when they aren’t.

It’s always ‘I found happiness within myself’ and never explanation...

Just try to understand my bullshit...

I am not buying it!!!

And YES falling in love with sosmeone does cure even deadly deseases! And yes loving somebody filling the voids and DOES make you happy!

Of course when you have no person to love - you must claim that you love to volunteer in a free library!

It’s not bullshit. People in a happy relationship will be happier, however if you are still depressed there is a problem. If you aren't being you and are just showing a happy side, there is a problem. You just are avoiding the real issues. I know people who use alcohol to avoid. Drugs & bouncing from relationship to relationship do the same thing. The truth is facing the issues and resolving them. Instead of covering them up. So then in the next relationship there is no covering up, there is openness and transparency and love and acceptance for who each person is. That’s all.

You didn’t get it. I’ve been happiest for years when I’ve seen him! And between meetings we had stayed in touch and were happy! No one played a role!

When I went out of business and we stopped seeing each other all the time - I was the happiest during our communication time!

However...I am not an idiot! I always knew that we have people between us! THAT created a huge void in my heart and it’s there.

I can’t un-know what I know!

But I won’t chanhe a thing!

And btw I had our synastry read...it’s ideal...so even the reader was surprised!

Can you imagine how can plain person survive THAT?

Oh I understand it alright. I have survived other situations. You can survive if you are a survivor & move on to something better .. meaning where they are willing to have the whole thing with you. A half life is no life.. and honestly why wouldn’t you have anxieties? You have not been able to have a relationship that two single people would have. So how do you know it will really work? Until you experience it that way.

So was the depression there before him?

Yes. My depression was born with me. I was always neurotic and scared of something bad going to happen.

I had a good life and somehow always was afraid of powerty, starvation, war, death in a family...

I was ever happy when I was in love. With a backdrop in my head that it’s going to end. Always waited for trouble.

Meeting Scorp changed it. He projected some light that calmed me down and because I knew he is married and seemed always happy - 5 years of our platonic every other day meetings for business felt like I can’t lose him because I don’t have him but he made me happy! To see him and talk. He treated me with outmost respect but I couldn’t lose him!

After physical affair I still knew I can’t lose him. He wasn’t mine.

And agreement was it just an affair!

After later and when it became obvious that it’s not an just affair anymore - we fell in love - I still being very aware of mission impossible to be together. Until he said he wanted to be together.

My depresssion came back as then I knew he is mine and I can’t have him. So...as it still where it is now and he just told me today he is feeling dead and unable to continue like that...however his mind running in circles trying to figure out shit...and this is what might be making me feel like this because I don’t want him to suffer! But I know he will. As he does.

And I would rather die than hear his voice the way it is right now.

And NO it’s not about sex!

We haven’t been intimate for months. He drove an hour to my work a few weeks ago just to see me and talk in his car for 15min.

And NO we haven’t had sex in the appartment yet. We can’t coordinate time to meet.

Now tell me what ta hell is all this all about...

It’s a tough place to be in. You can’t have him unless he does something major. He’s trying to figure out his life and if he chose to be with you then that would be a lot of spinning out trying to manage what might be the aftermath, and not being with you too.. it is about choices & he has to go through it. There’s a lot of anxiety & sadness in this space for sure. It’s part of it though if you are to figure it out together. It’s not just Lala land. It’s the hard things too. An affair is much easier because you’re excited to see each other, yes happy. But it doesn’t last because it’s all a fantasy. To make it real you go through the hard stuff. Anxiety, depression, blowing up your lives etc. of course he’s spinning out. And of course you’re depressed you can’t have him.

Then you start to wonder, will it really be like the fantasy? Or is it this depression stuff and his life blown up and the trauma of it. Well I’m guessing but it makes sense.

Let him go through it & see where it takes you. Hold on tight got the ride. It seems you want to.

click to expand

Yes love. I am going to wait until one of us dead! It’s outnof questions to give it up! We’ve tried...for many times! He was always initiating ‘we can’t go on like that. I love you but I don’t want anyone to be hurt!’

I always agreed.

He wouldn’t let me go.

And I knew he wouldn’t.

He stopped that a while ago!

I had actually said enough!

But he called with...may we talk?

Hell YES!!! Lol

I am just standing by. I have nowhere to go! I’ve tried! Every men is a pale image of him.

If you know what I mean...lol

That's what happens when you lose touch with reality & choose to live a lie. It catches upto you and slaps you in the face like a thawed fish.

Sometimes darlin, the reality is not as good as the fantasy?.

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by lnana04

If you've been playing this happy role this long, with the sadness, depression and anxiety, why not continue?

Are you saying you thought him and the relationship would cure it? If so, it never really works that way unfortunately.

YES! I thought if I have him - that will fill the void and I will be the happiest person alive!

It also doesn’t help that he is becoming nervous wreck!

I hope it’s tempotaty.

Other people can’t fill the void. You have to. Everything in life is temporary, good things and bad.

Some people take forever to realise this

They use drugs, booze, food, sex, rships to try and fill the void

Never works

Very true!! Well usually it takes wanting to make life better & finally getting you have to look within & not outside of you. Lots of people use whatever it takes to avoid the truth.

As long as I hear this I still think it’s a bullshit pretty phrase for those who want to look like they are happy when they aren’t.

It’s always ‘I found happiness within myself’ and never explanation...

Just try to understand my bullshit...

I am not buying it!!!

And YES falling in love with sosmeone does cure even deadly deseases! And yes loving somebody filling the voids and DOES make you happy!

Of course when you have no person to love - you must claim that you love to volunteer in a free library!

It’s not bullshit. People in a happy relationship will be happier, however if you are still depressed there is a problem. If you aren't being you and are just showing a happy side, there is a problem. You just are avoiding the real issues. I know people who use alcohol to avoid. Drugs & bouncing from relationship to relationship do the same thing. The truth is facing the issues and resolving them. Instead of covering them up. So then in the next relationship there is no covering up, there is openness and transparency and love and acceptance for who each person is. That’s all.

You didn’t get it. I’ve been happiest for years when I’ve seen him! And between meetings we had stayed in touch and were happy! No one played a role!

When I went out of business and we stopped seeing each other all the time - I was the happiest during our communication time!

However...I am not an idiot! I always knew that we have people between us! THAT created a huge void in my heart and it’s there.

I can’t un-know what I know!

But I won’t chanhe a thing!

And btw I had our synastry read...it’s ideal...so even the reader was surprised!

Can you imagine how can plain person survive THAT?

Oh I understand it alright. I have survived other situations. You can survive if you are a survivor & move on to something better .. meaning where they are willing to have the whole thing with you. A half life is no life.. and honestly why wouldn’t you have anxieties? You have not been able to have a relationship that two single people would have. So how do you know it will really work? Until you experience it that way.

So was the depression there before him?

Yes. My depression was born with me. I was always neurotic and scared of something bad going to happen.

I had a good life and somehow always was afraid of powerty, starvation, war, death in a family...

I was ever happy when I was in love. With a backdrop in my head that it’s going to end. Always waited for trouble.

Meeting Scorp changed it. He projected some light that calmed me down and because I knew he is married and seemed always happy - 5 years of our platonic every other day meetings for business felt like I can’t lose him because I don’t have him but he made me happy! To see him and talk. He treated me with outmost respect but I couldn’t lose him!

After physical affair I still knew I can’t lose him. He wasn’t mine.

And agreement was it just an affair!

After later and when it became obvious that it’s not an just affair anymore - we fell in love - I still being very aware of mission impossible to be together. Until he said he wanted to be together.

My depresssion came back as then I knew he is mine and I can’t have him. So...as it still where it is now and he just told me today he is feeling dead and unable to continue like that...however his mind running in circles trying to figure out shit...and this is what might be making me feel like this because I don’t want him to suffer! But I know he will. As he does.

And I would rather die than hear his voice the way it is right now.

And NO it’s not about sex!

We haven’t been intimate for months. He drove an hour to my work a few weeks ago just to see me and talk in his car for 15min.

And NO we haven’t had sex in the appartment yet. We can’t coordinate time to meet.

Now tell me what ta hell is all this all about...

It’s a tough place to be in. You can’t have him unless he does something major. He’s trying to figure out his life and if he chose to be with you then that would be a lot of spinning out trying to manage what might be the aftermath, and not being with you too.. it is about choices & he has to go through it. There’s a lot of anxiety & sadness in this space for sure. It’s part of it though if you are to figure it out together. It’s not just Lala land. It’s the hard things too. An affair is much easier because you’re excited to see each other, yes happy. But it doesn’t last because it’s all a fantasy. To make it real you go through the hard stuff. Anxiety, depression, blowing up your lives etc. of course he’s spinning out. And of course you’re depressed you can’t have him.

Then you start to wonder, will it really be like the fantasy? Or is it this depression stuff and his life blown up and the trauma of it. Well I’m guessing but it makes sense.

Let him go through it & see where it takes you. Hold on tight got the ride. It seems you want to.

Yes love. I am going to wait until one of us dead! It’s outnof questions to give it up! We’ve tried...for many times! He was always initiating ‘we can’t go on like that. I love you but I don’t want anyone to be hurt!’

I always agreed.

He wouldn’t let me go.

And I knew he wouldn’t.

He stopped that a while ago!

I had actually said enough!

But he called with...may we talk?

Hell YES!!! Lol

I am just standing by. I have nowhere to go! I’ve tried! Every men is a pale image of him.

If you know what I mean...lol

well this is how you become stuck in the position you are in, forever. You tried a little. I don't agree with how you go about this, but that doesn't matter. It is your life to live. It is your path to forge along. You get to decide.

I do think it may change along the line, so it may not be forever. Either he makes a decision, or you do. That's the thing with life, it always changes. It becomes what is it that you want most in the world. Is it him? Or is it something else? You will figure it out along the way. It just might come with anxiety and depression. So prepare yourself for this bumpy road you've chosen.

click to expand

Oh! Trust me. I am ready! Like I said...to the rest of the life!

Nothing ever will suffice or match up! Nobody! So...

Just tell me how and when you became so sure and smart?

Posted by Kityyyyyyy

Sometimes darlin, the reality is not as good as the fantasy?.

You know it’s almost decade fantasy? Why would I not get someone else? If I just wanted fun?

No! I’ve chosen hurt and tears because?

Because love will do that to us.

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by Gemitati

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Posted by lnana04

If you've been playing this happy role this long, with the sadness, depression and anxiety, why not continue?

Are you saying you thought him and the relationship would cure it? If so, it never really works that way unfortunately.

YES! I thought if I have him - that will fill the void and I will be the happiest person alive!

It also doesn’t help that he is becoming nervous wreck!

I hope it’s tempotaty.

Other people can’t fill the void. You have to. Everything in life is temporary, good things and bad.

Some people take forever to realise this

They use drugs, booze, food, sex, rships to try and fill the void

Never works

Very true!! Well usually it takes wanting to make life better & finally getting you have to look within & not outside of you. Lots of people use whatever it takes to avoid the truth.

As long as I hear this I still think it’s a bullshit pretty phrase for those who want to look like they are happy when they aren’t.

It’s always ‘I found happiness within myself’ and never explanation...

Just try to understand my bullshit...

I am not buying it!!!

And YES falling in love with sosmeone does cure even deadly deseases! And yes loving somebody filling the voids and DOES make you happy!

Of course when you have no person to love - you must claim that you love to volunteer in a free library!

It’s not bullshit. People in a happy relationship will be happier, however if you are still depressed there is a problem. If you aren't being you and are just showing a happy side, there is a problem. You just are avoiding the real issues. I know people who use alcohol to avoid. Drugs & bouncing from relationship to relationship do the same thing. The truth is facing the issues and resolving them. Instead of covering them up. So then in the next relationship there is no covering up, there is openness and transparency and love and acceptance for who each person is. That’s all.

You didn’t get it. I’ve been happiest for years when I’ve seen him! And between meetings we had stayed in touch and were happy! No one played a role!

When I went out of business and we stopped seeing each other all the time - I was the happiest during our communication time!

However...I am not an idiot! I always knew that we have people between us! THAT created a huge void in my heart and it’s there.

I can’t un-know what I know!

But I won’t chanhe a thing!

And btw I had our synastry read...it’s ideal...so even the reader was surprised!

Can you imagine how can plain person survive THAT?

Oh I understand it alright. I have survived other situations. You can survive if you are a survivor & move on to something better .. meaning where they are willing to have the whole thing with you. A half life is no life.. and honestly why wouldn’t you have anxieties? You have not been able to have a relationship that two single people would have. So how do you know it will really work? Until you experience it that way.

So was the depression there before him?

Yes. My depression was born with me. I was always neurotic and scared of something bad going to happen.

I had a good life and somehow always was afraid of powerty, starvation, war, death in a family...

I was ever happy when I was in love. With a backdrop in my head that it’s going to end. Always waited for trouble.

Meeting Scorp changed it. He projected some light that calmed me down and because I knew he is married and seemed always happy - 5 years of our platonic every other day meetings for business felt like I can’t lose him because I don’t have him but he made me happy! To see him and talk. He treated me with outmost respect but I couldn’t lose him!

After physical affair I still knew I can’t lose him. He wasn’t mine.

And agreement was it just an affair!

After later and when it became obvious that it’s not an just affair anymore - we fell in love - I still being very aware of mission impossible to be together. Until he said he wanted to be together.

My depresssion came back as then I knew he is mine and I can’t have him. So...as it still where it is now and he just told me today he is feeling dead and unable to continue like that...however his mind running in circles trying to figure out shit...and this is what might be making me feel like this because I don’t want him to suffer! But I know he will. As he does.

And I would rather die than hear his voice the way it is right now.

And NO it’s not about sex!

We haven’t been intimate for months. He drove an hour to my work a few weeks ago just to see me and talk in his car for 15min.

And NO we haven’t had sex in the appartment yet. We can’t coordinate time to meet.

Now tell me what ta hell is all this all about...

It’s a tough place to be in. You can’t have him unless he does something major. He’s trying to figure out his life and if he chose to be with you then that would be a lot of spinning out trying to manage what might be the aftermath, and not being with you too.. it is about choices & he has to go through it. There’s a lot of anxiety & sadness in this space for sure. It’s part of it though if you are to figure it out together. It’s not just Lala land. It’s the hard things too. An affair is much easier because you’re excited to see each other, yes happy. But it doesn’t last because it’s all a fantasy. To make it real you go through the hard stuff. Anxiety, depression, blowing up your lives etc. of course he’s spinning out. And of course you’re depressed you can’t have him.

Then you start to wonder, will it really be like the fantasy? Or is it this depression stuff and his life blown up and the trauma of it. Well I’m guessing but it makes sense.

Let him go through it & see where it takes you. Hold on tight got the ride. It seems you want to.

Yes love. I am going to wait until one of us dead! It’s outnof questions to give it up! We’ve tried...for many times! He was always initiating ‘we can’t go on like that. I love you but I don’t want anyone to be hurt!’

I always agreed.

He wouldn’t let me go.

And I knew he wouldn’t.

He stopped that a while ago!

I had actually said enough!

But he called with...may we talk?

Hell YES!!! Lol

I am just standing by. I have nowhere to go! I’ve tried! Every men is a pale image of him.

If you know what I mean...lol

well this is how you become stuck in the position you are in, forever. You tried a little. I don't agree with how you go about this, but that doesn't matter. It is your life to live. It is your path to forge along. You get to decide.

I do think it may change along the line, so it may not be forever. Either he makes a decision, or you do. That's the thing with life, it always changes. It becomes what is it that you want most in the world. Is it him? Or is it something else? You will figure it out along the way. It just might come with anxiety and depression. So prepare yourself for this bumpy road you've chosen.

Oh! Trust me. I am ready! Like I said...to the rest of the life!

Nothing ever will suffice or match up! Nobody! So...

Just tell me how and when you became so sure and smart?

You can’t know that. There’s a lot of life to live. Unexpected things happen all the time.

Haha! Sure and smart, I know you think I’m crazy. I’ve just been through a lot that’s all. I choose to move forward. I have hope, and I am a ton happier than I was. It gets better all the time. I have had my share of guys who didn't measure up, but also possibilities. And someone who’d like to drag me back.. but he must be available and he’s not. I’ve drawn my line in the sand. He never crosses it but tries repeatedly lol. In the meantime, someone shows up who is available and well? He just might trump him.. who knows. Plans always fall through, so I let life evolve without deciding the future now.

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Good for you, love! He is my swang song! I know it now. Or my ever hole in my heart that will hurt until I die!

Simple as that...

Saw this today and thought of you

Posted by LadyNeptune





Saw this today and thought of you

Thanks...now you made me cry...happy?

Posted by i-xy

It is your subconscious surfacing.

Elaborate please

Posted by Waterbearerwearer

Depression is rage driven inwards.

Isn’t rage opposite of sadness?

I am not angry at all. I just not afraid to die. I am in peace with no emotions. Unless he is talking to me. I come alive and can be happy for a few depends on conversation and later go back to ‘whatever’ mode. Last night we had a baby born in a family. I have no emotions.

So...another baby...and I know I should had felt something...and I haven’t.

But I know I would be spinning around if it was a news like that coming from him about his kids and their babies.

No rage. At all. So I disagree...

Posted by seraph

Because there is no inherent or moreover permanent joy in objects, people, places and things. “Objects” here also include thoughts, feelings, mental formations. Everything experienceable to you lacks its own self-nature; you end up superimposing your own ideas, hopes, fears and expectations on to them. So really, all you’re doing is hanging your emotional hat on a mass of variables, and taking it personally when they very naturally prove their variability.

You still bring *yourself* along wherever you go and whatever you do. The more you chase after things outside of yourself for happiness, the more you crave whatever feeling it is that you want to experience constantly, the more it will elude you, because that is its nature: impermanence and always subject to change.

But since you feel incomplete, with a sense of lack always lurking somewhere in the background, you feel that completeness, wholeness, and independence or relief from these feelings lies somewhere out there, outside of your own fundamental self. This needs to be investigated to the degree that you come to understand that you are *already* complete, totally beautiful and whole, with everything you need in terms of emotional independence available to you and operating right there in each and every moment. The place you are searching for, is the place you are searching from.

Very smart and confusing. Like something one would say about anything, really!

One of those universal pieces that can be copy/pasted about love of nature, poetry, anything...

However what does it have to do with reality?

Ok. I am whole and beautiful!

So do I hug myself and kiss me wherever I can reach and stop craving holding him dying from happiness because I am already complete?

Posted by seraph

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by seraph

Because there is no inherent or moreover permanent joy in objects, people, places and things. “Objects” here also include thoughts, feelings, mental formations. Everything experienceable to you lacks its own self-nature; you end up superimposing your own ideas, hopes, fears and expectations on to them. So really, all you’re doing is hanging your emotional hat on a mass of variables, and taking it personally when they very naturally prove their variability.

You still bring *yourself* along wherever you go and whatever you do. The more you chase after things outside of yourself for happiness, the more you crave whatever feeling it is that you want to experience constantly, the more it will elude you, because that is its nature: impermanence and always subject to change.

But since you feel incomplete, with a sense of lack always lurking somewhere in the background, you feel that completeness, wholeness, and independence or relief from these feelings lies somewhere out there, outside of your own fundamental self. This needs to be investigated to the degree that you come to understand that you are *already* complete, totally beautiful and whole, with everything you need in terms of emotional independence available to you and operating right there in each and every moment. The place you are searching for, is the place you are searching from.

Very smart and confusing. Like something one would say about anything, really!

One of those universal pieces that can be copy/pasted about love of nature, poetry, anything...

However what does it have to do with reality?

Ok. I am whole and beautiful!

So do I hug myself and kiss me wherever I can reach and stop craving holding him dying from happiness because I am already complete?

It’s just a statement of fact *about* reality.

As to your last sentence, that’s not it. Which is why it’s for you to figure out. If you’re looking for solutions you’ll need to understand the problem first. As for you and your complaints, if you’ve been working on the same problem for years, with all your energy and resources, and you’ve made little to no progress, then you’re probably working on the wrong problem.

If what you’ve been doing/thinking/believing hasn’t been working for you, it’s time to take a real interest in other ideas rather than waste energy looking for reasons to avoid them.

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What if I don’t have any other areas of interests?