Seriously how do I make this work (Page 4)

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Centaur12
@Centaur12
5 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 9 · Posts: 628 · Topics: 23
Posted by bmoon8
Posted by Centaur12

Just done a gym sesh 💪 going to chill out now here is a question for you all any of you watching any series? What's you favourites ?

Nice. I am assessing on what gym I want to join in my area. I am going to try free trials at several of them before making that decision.
click to expand



Welcome back to another episode of life with me.

Gem now saying she has changed me as a person and I have destroyed her lol.

Because I didn't text her she got her head up her ass but she wasn't online last night and I left it like I was advised to.

She always asked me to man up well doing that now and she's hates it.

Saying I have broken her heart she for real ? .
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Centaur12
@Centaur12
5 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 9 · Posts: 628 · Topics: 23
Posted by bmoon8
Posted by Centaur12
Posted by bmoon8
Posted by Centaur12

Just done a gym sesh 💪 going to chill out now here is a question for you all any of you watching any series? What's you favourites ?

Nice. I am assessing on what gym I want to join in my area. I am going to try free trials at several of them before making that decision.

Welcome back to another episode of life with me.

Gem now saying she has changed me as a person and I have destroyed her lol.

Because I didn't text her she got her head up her ass but she wasn't online last night and I left it like I was advised to.

She always asked me to man up well doing that now and she's hates it.

Saying I have broken her heart she for real ? .

Oh boy! Sounds as though she is being dramatic. Just ignore all this.
click to expand



Do you.think it's working ?
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Centaur12
@Centaur12
5 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 9 · Posts: 628 · Topics: 23
Posted by Sagoxa
Posted by Centaur12
Posted by bmoon8
Posted by Centaur12

Just done a gym sesh 💪 going to chill out now here is a question for you all any of you watching any series? What's you favourites ?

Nice. I am assessing on what gym I want to join in my area. I am going to try free trials at several of them before making that decision.

Welcome back to another episode of life with me.

Gem now saying she has changed me as a person and I have destroyed her lol.

Because I didn't text her she got her head up her ass but she wasn't online last night and I left it like I was advised to.

She always asked me to man up well doing that now and she's hates it.

Saying I have broken her heart she for real ? .

Lol guilt tripping 🤪🤣

Nah just ignore it. She's trying to make you feel bad for setting boundaries.

Be a blunt sag and call her out "and you think you didnt broke mine? Ive been telling you for ages that i feel ..... but you never listen and called me a nagger. And now im supposed to listen to you? My feelings dont matter but yours is? That's not how it works.." And detach right back again..

What are her placements btw?

Even my gem sun/gem moon/aqua rising ex didnt play this much of a mind game.. or maybe because I always call him out everytime he does that 🤪🤣
click to expand



Hers ìs

Sun - Gem

Moon - Virgo

Mercury - Gem

Venus - Gem

Mars - Aries

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Centaur12
@Centaur12
5 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 9 · Posts: 628 · Topics: 23
Posted by bmoon8
Posted by Centaur12

Just done a gym sesh 💪 going to chill out now here is a question for you all any of you watching any series? What's you favourites ?

Nice. I am assessing on what gym I want to join in my area. I am going to try free trials at several of them before making that decision.
click to expand



Good idea that's is the best thing to do and once you find one that is fitting for you , you'll just know its the right one.
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Centaur12
@Centaur12
5 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 9 · Posts: 628 · Topics: 23
She's Literally put me off that much now where I am hanging in the balance seeing what happens.

If she does not full in line then fuck noes.

Why waste my time.

I am not going to use any more emotions or tell her how I feel about her anymore.

She said she wanted me to change not dissappear 🙃 and not put any effort in.

I said what about all the times before our break when I put all the effort in then she couldn't answer me.
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Centaur12
@Centaur12
5 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 9 · Posts: 628 · Topics: 23
Posted by jeane

do yourself and her a favour and put an end to this now. neither of you know how to communicate with each other.

some of the advice in this thread has been truly awful. taking the advice from people whose own ability to stay in a relationship long tern is questionable to say the least.


Jeane what would you do honestly ? And I'm not talking about just saying give it up.
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jeane
@jeane
11 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 22 · Posts: 8048 · Topics: 36
i'll repeat what i said in the last thread. you have to ask questions and listen to the answer.

none of this power play bullshit. none of this "i'll show you". none of this retaliation for what you put me through.

want to be an adult in an adult relationship? behave like an adult. you're not fighting each other, you should be fighting the problem.

first identify what is the problem. you haven't even got that far. does she want you to change? does she want space? does she want to end the relationship? what does she want? what do you want? do you know how she actually feels about things? have you asked her? have you truly listened to her? do you just assume? does she understand your point of view too? if asked could she tell you how you are feeling and why? if she can't then that it is on you to express yourself more clearly.

and not in the "why won't you say you love me back" way but more "i worry sometimes that you don't feel i am good enough. i worry that maybe i'm not good enough. i ask you over and over again because x/y/z/i can't believe my luck/whatever it may be"

how does she want you to change? are you willing to make those changes? or are they more than you are willing to do (nothing wrong with that)?

first work out the problem then try to solve the problem. you can't go in thinking she is a horrible person. you have to go in thinking she is the woman i love who has flaws yes, but some wonderful attributes and deep down is a decent human being who i want to be with. you have to go in with a kind heart. we are all a combination of hurts and pains inflicted on us until we get to each other. i bring baggage to my relationship. my partner brings baggage too. it's understanding that baggage, accepting it and then unpacking it and transforming it that makes for a restorative relationship.

you are going to hit each other's trigger points but ignoring her and playing tit for tat will get you nowhere in the long run. power plays only work for so long before they stop working. they don't make for an equal and loving relationship.
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Centaur12
@Centaur12
5 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 9 · Posts: 628 · Topics: 23
Posted by jeane

i'll repeat what i said in the last thread. you have to ask questions and listen to the answer.

none of this power play bullshit. none of this "i'll show you". none of this retaliation for what you put me through.

want to be an adult in an adult relationship? behave like an adult. you're not fighting each other, you should be fighting the problem.

first identify what is the problem. you haven't even got that far. does she want you to change? does she want space? does she want to end the relationship? what does she want? what do you want? do you know how she actually feels about things? have you asked her? have you truly listened to her? do you just assume? does she understand your point of view too? if asked could she tell you how you are feeling and why? if she can't then that it is on you to express yourself more clearly.

and not in the "why won't you say you love me back" way but more "i worry sometimes that you don't feel i am good enough. i worry that maybe i'm not good enough. i ask you over and over again because x/y/z/i can't believe my luck/whatever it may be"

how does she want you to change? are you willing to make those changes? or are they more than you are willing to do (nothing wrong with that)?

first work out the problem then try to solve the problem. you can't go in thinking she is a horrible person. you have to go in thinking she is the woman i love who has flaws yes, but some wonderful attributes and deep down is a decent human being who i want to be with. you have to go in with a kind heart. we are all a combination of hurts and pains inflicted on us until we get to each other. i bring baggage to my relationship. my partner brings baggage too. it's understanding that baggage, accepting it and then unpacking it and transforming it that makes for a restorative relationship.

you are going to hit each other's trigger points but ignoring her and playing tit for tat will get you nowhere in the long run. power plays only work for so long before they stop working. they don't make for an equal and loving relationship.

Good advice Jeane 👍 thanks.
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Easha23000us
@Easha23000us
11 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 24 · Posts: 1329 · Topics: 110
Posted by Centaur12
Posted by Easha23000us
Posted by Centaur12
Posted by Easha23000us
Posted by Centaur12
Posted by PhoenixRising
Posted by Centaur12

She's texting me now saying we can meet tomorrow

Hmph. Just out of the blue Sag? Because the way the text is phrased it isn't a question. It's a response....to something.

No she's been trying to communicate with me all day and I have brushed it off.

Sending me things to go camping with trying to ask me what I am doing right now.

I just said I'm going for a drive as I want to get out and she says what at this time.

She said randomly I hope you don't think I am speaking to anyone else or got anyone else at her place.

I said I am not even going to entertain that.





I am going to help you out. Step by step, how to get over a Gemini, or win her back...This takes mental strength!

1. Disappear..No matter how much she tries to contact you. Ignore her...Leave her hanging..(She will think that there is competition) They hate that.

2. Delete or get her off of your social media..She will be checking it for updates on you, to no avail..

3. Get a makeover.

4. Try something new. Link up with your guy pals, and plan an outing. something fun...You will feel refreshed.

5. Listen to your favorite music. Something that does NOT remind you of her. Preferably music that will inspire you to get back in the game.

6. Go against your true nature. Meaning, what ever you did naturally towards her, do the complete opposite. Example; She asked you to do something; you normally would jump to do it; but now you would just stare at her with a blank expression, after you have told her no. And mean it.

7.Use affirmations! This is powerful. Example. I am a hot commodity. Any woman would be happy to have my level of commitment. Her loss if she is too full of herself to realize.

8. Tap into that Aquarius moon detachment. Be aloof. She is going to notice the shift in your energy, and become interested again. But remain mysterious, until you are certain that she is behaving in a manner that matches your level of commitment.

9. Date other women. Nine times out of ten, you will meet someone much better. If not, you have gained a new friend.

10.Most men are visual creatures. Print this out and tuck it inside of a book, where no one can see it. Reread it when you need inspiration.

11. Stop letting her dangle a carrot in front of your eyes, or toss you crumbs. She knows that this is all that is required to turn your attention towards her again with minimal effort on her part. Unwrap yourself from around her finger, and plan your next adventure.. You are a Sagittarian male...Hyper masculine. Stop behaving beta.

I am a Sagittarian woman who managed to get my ex Gemini's attention back by following these rules to the "T". He remains my ex, because I found someone better suited. I flipped the script on his behind, by snatching him off of the pedestal that I had placed him on in my mind. Follow these rules, then watch what happens next.

Thank you.

I think I have fallen into her hands though when we was on the phone I said I miss her and you haven't asked how I am or anything etc.

She said you know what needs to be done now if I haven't made it clear enough you need to change your insecuritys and stop going on about us etc its been 3 days that's not enough time.

I was nearly ready until you started talking about us.

Know what I only did because I love her now she can fuck off I tried the nice approach and wanting to sort us now I have had it !

Not letting her take the fucking piss out of me anymore if she is interested she will want to meet up with me and reconnect I am not wasting my time what will happen will happen I just wanted to know where I stood but literally sick with it now.

You are starting to piss me off now!!!Stop entertaining her. Point blank, stop answering her calls and or text.. How many times do we need to tell you this? I hate to be mean, but you need to hear this. SHE DOES NOT WANT YOU! She is bored, and knows that you would entertain her, all that she has to do is throw a little crumbs your way...Hence, I was considering coming back, until you started talking about us...She does not take you serious. She is going to continue to string you along, until she finds someone else, then she will cease all communications with you. The only way to remedy this is to disappear, and stop giving her your attention. You are setting yourself up for failure...SMH..

Okay so once I do that then what because I want us to work out.
click to expand





You can want it to work out all that you want, but, it takes two...
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Easha23000us
@Easha23000us
11 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 24 · Posts: 1329 · Topics: 110
Posted by jeane

i'll repeat what i said in the last thread. you have to ask questions and listen to the answer.

none of this power play bullshit. none of this "i'll show you". none of this retaliation for what you put me through.

want to be an adult in an adult relationship? behave like an adult. you're not fighting each other, you should be fighting the problem.

first identify what is the problem. you haven't even got that far. does she want you to change? does she want space? does she want to end the relationship? what does she want? what do you want? do you know how she actually feels about things? have you asked her? have you truly listened to her? do you just assume? does she understand your point of view too? if asked could she tell you how you are feeling and why? if she can't then that it is on you to express yourself more clearly.

and not in the "why won't you say you love me back" way but more "i worry sometimes that you don't feel i am good enough. i worry that maybe i'm not good enough. i ask you over and over again because x/y/z/i can't believe my luck/whatever it may be"

how does she want you to change? are you willing to make those changes? or are they more than you are willing to do (nothing wrong with that)?

first work out the problem then try to solve the problem. you can't go in thinking she is a horrible person. you have to go in thinking she is the woman i love who has flaws yes, but some wonderful attributes and deep down is a decent human being who i want to be with. you have to go in with a kind heart. we are all a combination of hurts and pains inflicted on us until we get to each other. i bring baggage to my relationship. my partner brings baggage too. it's understanding that baggage, accepting it and then unpacking it and transforming it that makes for a restorative relationship.

you are going to hit each other's trigger points but ignoring her and playing tit for tat will get you nowhere in the long run. power plays only work for so long before they stop working. they don't make for an equal and loving relationship.




How many times did she say to him that she does not want to be with him? The focus should be on him getting his individuality back, not trying to win back a lopsided relationship...
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HeavyEntertainmentShow
@HeavyEntertainmentShow
8 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 4555 · Posts: 7614 · Topics: 100
Posted by jeane

do yourself and her a favour and put an end to this now. neither of you know how to communicate with each other.

some of the advice in this thread has been truly awful. taking the advice from people whose own ability to stay in a relationship long tern is questionable to say the least.


Lol my thoughts exactly. I facepalm every time I see this week-old thread bumped to the top. There's clearly no comprehension or solid advice to be found here, certainly not from a board full of spinsters. 6 days and 15 pages later, everyone's still going around in circles.

Embarrassing.

Image Not Found
Profile picture of jeane
jeane
@jeane
11 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 22 · Posts: 8048 · Topics: 36
Posted by Easha23000us
Posted by jeane

i'll repeat what i said in the last thread. you have to ask questions and listen to the answer.

none of this power play bullshit. none of this "i'll show you". none of this retaliation for what you put me through.

want to be an adult in an adult relationship? behave like an adult. you're not fighting each other, you should be fighting the problem.

first identify what is the problem. you haven't even got that far. does she want you to change? does she want space? does she want to end the relationship? what does she want? what do you want? do you know how she actually feels about things? have you asked her? have you truly listened to her? do you just assume? does she understand your point of view too? if asked could she tell you how you are feeling and why? if she can't then that it is on you to express yourself more clearly.

and not in the "why won't you say you love me back" way but more "i worry sometimes that you don't feel i am good enough. i worry that maybe i'm not good enough. i ask you over and over again because x/y/z/i can't believe my luck/whatever it may be"

how does she want you to change? are you willing to make those changes? or are they more than you are willing to do (nothing wrong with that)?

first work out the problem then try to solve the problem. you can't go in thinking she is a horrible person. you have to go in thinking she is the woman i love who has flaws yes, but some wonderful attributes and deep down is a decent human being who i want to be with. you have to go in with a kind heart. we are all a combination of hurts and pains inflicted on us until we get to each other. i bring baggage to my relationship. my partner brings baggage too. it's understanding that baggage, accepting it and then unpacking it and transforming it that makes for a restorative relationship.

you are going to hit each other's trigger points but ignoring her and playing tit for tat will get you nowhere in the long run. power plays only work for so long before they stop working. they don't make for an equal and loving relationship.

How many times did she say to him that she does not want to be with him? The focus should be on him getting his individuality back, not trying to win back a lopsided relationship...
click to expand



according to him she has said a lot of things.

he asked for my opinion. i gave it.
Profile picture of Easha23000us
Easha23000us
@Easha23000us
11 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 24 · Posts: 1329 · Topics: 110
Posted by blackphvse
Posted by Easha23000us
Posted by Centaur12
Posted by PhoenixRising
Posted by Centaur12

She's texting me now saying we can meet tomorrow

Hmph. Just out of the blue Sag? Because the way the text is phrased it isn't a question. It's a response....to something.

No she's been trying to communicate with me all day and I have brushed it off.

Sending me things to go camping with trying to ask me what I am doing right now.

I just said I'm going for a drive as I want to get out and she says what at this time.

She said randomly I hope you don't think I am speaking to anyone else or got anyone else at her place.

I said I am not even going to entertain that.





I am going to help you out. Step by step, how to get over a Gemini, or win her back...This takes mental strength!

1. Disappear..No matter how much she tries to contact you. Ignore her...Leave her hanging..(She will think that there is competition) They hate that.

2. Delete or get her off of your social media..She will be checking it for updates on you, to no avail..

3. Get a makeover.

4. Try something new. Link up with your guy pals, and plan an outing. something fun...You will feel refreshed.

5. Listen to your favorite music. Something that does NOT remind you of her. Preferably music that will inspire you to get back in the game.

6. Go against your true nature. Meaning, what ever you did naturally towards her, do the complete opposite. Example; She asked you to do something; you normally would jump to do it; but now you would just stare at her with a blank expression, after you have told her no. And mean it.

7.Use affirmations! This is powerful. Example. I am a hot commodity. Any woman would be happy to have my level of commitment. Her loss if she is too full of herself to realize.

8. Tap into that Aquarius moon detachment. Be aloof. She is going to notice the shift in your energy, and become interested again. But remain mysterious, until you are certain that she is behaving in a manner that matches your level of commitment.

9. Date other women. Nine times out of ten, you will meet someone much better. If not, you have gained a new friend.

10.Most men are visual creatures. Print this out and tuck it inside of a book, where no one can see it. Reread it when you need inspiration.

11. Stop letting her dangle a carrot in front of your eyes, or toss you crumbs. She knows that this is all that is required to turn your attention towards her again with minimal effort on her part. Unwrap yourself from around her finger, and plan your next adventure.. You are a Sagittarian male...Hyper masculine. Stop behaving beta.

I am a Sagittarian woman who managed to get my ex Gemini's attention back by following these rules to the "T". He remains my ex, because I found someone better suited. I flipped the script on his behind, by snatching him off of the pedestal that I had placed him on in my mind. Follow these rules, then watch what happens next.

This may help someone get over a Gemini, but it will never get them back (at least not in a healthy way). You make me feel like I am competing, I am done. You start dating others, I am done. It may work for some Geminis, but not all of us.. If someone comes back to you after what I've mentioned above, it's about their own ego, not because they care.. so they came back for the wrong reason. Those things would make me lose all my trust in the person and I can't be with someone I don't trust. So unless OP wanna destroy any trust she has in him, I don't recommend making her compete or dating other people. The rest is all truly great advice!
click to expand



To be honest with you, he needs to date other people, and not sit around and wait for this particular Gemini to bestow favor upon him, because this may never happen.
Profile picture of Easha23000us
Easha23000us
@Easha23000us
11 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 24 · Posts: 1329 · Topics: 110
Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow
Posted by jeane

do yourself and her a favour and put an end to this now. neither of you know how to communicate with each other.

some of the advice in this thread has been truly awful. taking the advice from people whose own ability to stay in a relationship long tern is questionable to say the least.

Lol my thoughts exactly. I facepalm every time I see this week-old thread bumped to the top. There's clearly no comprehension or solid advice to be found here, certainly not from a board full of spinsters. 6 days and 15 pages later, everyone's still going around in circles.

Embarrassing.

https://i.imgur.com/KeWBFip.gif<div class="bqfade">click to expand



And yet you found time to stop spinning long enough to post on this week old thread...
Profile picture of HeavyEntertainmentShow
HeavyEntertainmentShow
@HeavyEntertainmentShow
8 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 4555 · Posts: 7614 · Topics: 100
Posted by bmoon8

He’s bumping the topic because the advice that was given so far is working.


Lol you need to put down the pipe, Libra moon. You're clearly reading a completely different thread from everyone else...

Posted by bmoon8

The condescending people on here who think they are better than others can seriously go fuck themselves.
click to expand



Image Not Found
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Undine
@Undine
12 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 1552 · Posts: 8895 · Topics: 11
Posted by jeane

i'll repeat what i said in the last thread. you have to ask questions and listen to the answer.

none of this power play bullshit. none of this "i'll show you". none of this retaliation for what you put me through.

want to be an adult in an adult relationship? behave like an adult. you're not fighting each other, you should be fighting the problem.

first identify what is the problem. you haven't even got that far. does she want you to change? does she want space? does she want to end the relationship? what does she want? what do you want? do you know how she actually feels about things? have you asked her? have you truly listened to her? do you just assume? does she understand your point of view too? if asked could she tell you how you are feeling and why? if she can't then that it is on you to express yourself more clearly.

and not in the "why won't you say you love me back" way but more "i worry sometimes that you don't feel i am good enough. i worry that maybe i'm not good enough. i ask you over and over again because x/y/z/i can't believe my luck/whatever it may be"

how does she want you to change? are you willing to make those changes? or are they more than you are willing to do (nothing wrong with that)?

first work out the problem then try to solve the problem. you can't go in thinking she is a horrible person. you have to go in thinking she is the woman i love who has flaws yes, but some wonderful attributes and deep down is a decent human being who i want to be with. you have to go in with a kind heart. we are all a combination of hurts and pains inflicted on us until we get to each other. i bring baggage to my relationship. my partner brings baggage too. it's understanding that baggage, accepting it and then unpacking it and transforming it that makes for a restorative relationship.

you are going to hit each other's trigger points but ignoring her and playing tit for tat will get you nowhere in the long run. power plays only work for so long before they stop working. they don't make for an equal and loving relationship.


^^^Excellent advice on how to address and solve any relationship problem.
Profile picture of Easha23000us
Easha23000us
@Easha23000us
11 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 24 · Posts: 1329 · Topics: 110
Posted by blackphvse
Posted by Easha23000us
Posted by blackphvse
Posted by Easha23000us
Posted by Centaur12
Posted by PhoenixRising
Posted by Centaur12

She's texting me now saying we can meet tomorrow

Hmph. Just out of the blue Sag? Because the way the text is phrased it isn't a question. It's a response....to something.

No she's been trying to communicate with me all day and I have brushed it off.



Sending me things to go camping with trying to ask me what I am doing right now.

I just said I'm going for a drive as I want to get out and she says what at this time.

She said randomly I hope you don't think I am speaking to anyone else or got anyone else at her place.

I said I am not even going to entertain that.





I am going to help you out. Step by step, how to get over a Gemini, or win her back...This takes mental strength!

1. Disappear..No matter how much she tries to contact you. Ignore her...Leave her hanging..(She will think that there is competition) They hate that.

2. Delete or get her off of your social media..She will be checking it for updates on you, to no avail..

3. Get a makeover.

4. Try something new. Link up with your guy pals, and plan an outing. something fun...You will feel refreshed.

5. Listen to your favorite music. Something that does NOT remind you of her. Preferably music that will inspire you to get back in the game.

6. Go against your true nature. Meaning, what ever you did naturally towards her, do the complete opposite. Example; She asked you to do something; you normally would jump to do it; but now you would just stare at her with a blank expression, after you have told her no. And mean it.

7.Use affirmations! This is powerful. Example. I am a hot commodity. Any woman would be happy to have my level of commitment. Her loss if she is too full of herself to realize.

8. Tap into that Aquarius moon detachment. Be aloof. She is going to notice the shift in your energy, and become interested again. But remain mysterious, until you are certain that she is behaving in a manner that matches your level of commitment.

9. Date other women. Nine times out of ten, you will meet someone much better. If not, you have gained a new friend.

10.Most men are visual creatures. Print this out and tuck it inside of a book, where no one can see it. Reread it when you need inspiration.

11. Stop letting her dangle a carrot in front of your eyes, or toss you crumbs. She knows that this is all that is required to turn your attention towards her again with minimal effort on her part. Unwrap yourself from around her finger, and plan your next adventure.. You are a Sagittarian male...Hyper masculine. Stop behaving beta.

I am a Sagittarian woman who managed to get my ex Gemini's attention back by following these rules to the "T". He remains my ex, because I found someone better suited. I flipped the script on his behind, by snatching him off of the pedestal that I had placed him on in my mind. Follow these rules, then watch what happens next.

This may help someone get over a Gemini, but it will never get them back (at least not in a healthy way). You make me feel like I am competing, I am done. You start dating others, I am done. It may work for some Geminis, but not all of us.. If someone comes back to you after what I've mentioned above, it's about their own ego, not because they care.. so they came back for the wrong reason. Those things would make me lose all my trust in the person and I can't be with someone I don't trust. So unless OP wanna destroy any trust she has in him, I don't recommend making her compete or dating other people. The rest is all truly great advice!

To be honest with you, he needs to date other people, and not sit around and wait for this particular Gemini to bestow favor upon him, because this may never happen.

I agree, he should move on. I've been telling him that since he first came here. But I get the feeling he ain't giving up any time soon.
click to expand







I sincerely wish him the best......
Profile picture of Easha23000us
Easha23000us
@Easha23000us
11 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 24 · Posts: 1329 · Topics: 110
Posted by jeane
Posted by Easha23000us
Posted by jeane

i'll repeat what i said in the last thread. you have to ask questions and listen to the answer.

none of this power play bullshit. none of this "i'll show you". none of this retaliation for what you put me through.

want to be an adult in an adult relationship? behave like an adult. you're not fighting each other, you should be fighting the problem.

first identify what is the problem. you haven't even got that far. does she want you to change? does she want space? does she want to end the relationship? what does she want? what do you want? do you know how she actually feels about things? have you asked her? have you truly listened to her? do you just assume? does she understand your point of view too? if asked could she tell you how you are feeling and why? if she can't then that it is on you to express yourself more clearly.

and not in the "why won't you say you love me back" way but more "i worry sometimes that you don't feel i am good enough. i worry that maybe i'm not good enough. i ask you over and over again because x/y/z/i can't believe my luck/whatever it may be"

how does she want you to change? are you willing to make those changes? or are they more than you are willing to do (nothing wrong with that)?

first work out the problem then try to solve the problem. you can't go in thinking she is a horrible person. you have to go in thinking she is the woman i love who has flaws yes, but some wonderful attributes and deep down is a decent human being who i want to be with. you have to go in with a kind heart. we are all a combination of hurts and pains inflicted on us until we get to each other. i bring baggage to my relationship. my partner brings baggage too. it's understanding that baggage, accepting it and then unpacking it and transforming it that makes for a restorative relationship.

you are going to hit each other's trigger points but ignoring her and playing tit for tat will get you nowhere in the long run. power plays only work for so long before they stop working. they don't make for an equal and loving relationship.

How many times did she say to him that she does not want to be with him? The focus should be on him getting his individuality back, not trying to win back a lopsided relationship...

according to him she has said a lot of things.

he asked for my opinion. i gave it.
click to expand



Unfortunately, what you gave was a fully loaded crock of butter......
Profile picture of Easha23000us
Easha23000us
@Easha23000us
11 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 24 · Posts: 1329 · Topics: 110
Posted by Undine
Posted by jeane

i'll repeat what i said in the last thread. you have to ask questions and listen to the answer.

none of this power play bullshit. none of this "i'll show you". none of this retaliation for what you put me through.

want to be an adult in an adult relationship? behave like an adult. you're not fighting each other, you should be fighting the problem.

first identify what is the problem. you haven't even got that far. does she want you to change? does she want space? does she want to end the relationship? what does she want? what do you want? do you know how she actually feels about things? have you asked her? have you truly listened to her? do you just assume? does she understand your point of view too? if asked could she tell you how you are feeling and why? if she can't then that it is on you to express yourself more clearly.

and not in the "why won't you say you love me back" way but more "i worry sometimes that you don't feel i am good enough. i worry that maybe i'm not good enough. i ask you over and over again because x/y/z/i can't believe my luck/whatever it may be"

how does she want you to change? are you willing to make those changes? or are they more than you are willing to do (nothing wrong with that)?

first work out the problem then try to solve the problem. you can't go in thinking she is a horrible person. you have to go in thinking she is the woman i love who has flaws yes, but some wonderful attributes and deep down is a decent human being who i want to be with. you have to go in with a kind heart. we are all a combination of hurts and pains inflicted on us until we get to each other. i bring baggage to my relationship. my partner brings baggage too. it's understanding that baggage, accepting it and then unpacking it and transforming it that makes for a restorative relationship.

you are going to hit each other's trigger points but ignoring her and playing tit for tat will get you nowhere in the long run. power plays only work for so long before they stop working. they don't make for an equal and loving relationship.

^^^Excellent advice on how to address and solve any relationship problem.
click to expand





What relationship?
Profile picture of jeane
jeane
@jeane
11 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 22 · Posts: 8048 · Topics: 36
Posted by Easha23000us
Posted by jeane
Posted by Easha23000us
Posted by jeane

i'll repeat what i said in the last thread. you have to ask questions and listen to the answer.

none of this power play bullshit. none of this "i'll show you". none of this retaliation for what you put me through.

want to be an adult in an adult relationship? behave like an adult. you're not fighting each other, you should be fighting the problem.

first identify what is the problem. you haven't even got that far. does she want you to change? does she want space? does she want to end the relationship? what does she want? what do you want? do you know how she actually feels about things? have you asked her? have you truly listened to her? do you just assume? does she understand your point of view too? if asked could she tell you how you are feeling and why? if she can't then that it is on you to express yourself more clearly.

and not in the "why won't you say you love me back" way but more "i worry sometimes that you don't feel i am good enough. i worry that maybe i'm not good enough. i ask you over and over again because x/y/z/i can't believe my luck/whatever it may be"

how does she want you to change? are you willing to make those changes? or are they more than you are willing to do (nothing wrong with that)?

first work out the problem then try to solve the problem. you can't go in thinking she is a horrible person. you have to go in thinking she is the woman i love who has flaws yes, but some wonderful attributes and deep down is a decent human being who i want to be with. you have to go in with a kind heart. we are all a combination of hurts and pains inflicted on us until we get to each other. i bring baggage to my relationship. my partner brings baggage too. it's understanding that baggage, accepting it and then unpacking it and transforming it that makes for a restorative relationship.

you are going to hit each other's trigger points but ignoring her and playing tit for tat will get you nowhere in the long run. power plays only work for so long before they stop working. they don't make for an equal and loving relationship.

How many times did she say to him that she does not want to be with him? The focus should be on him getting his individuality back, not trying to win back a lopsided relationship...

according to him she has said a lot of things.

he asked for my opinion. i gave it.

Unfortunately, what you gave was a fully loaded crock of butter......
click to expand


i gave my opinion based on what works in my relationship. i guess you gave your opinion based on what works in your relationship. super.
Profile picture of saggurl88
Vacation Queen
@saggurl88
12 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 22238 · Posts: 25616 · Topics: 84
Posted by Centaur12

She's Literally put me off that much now where I am hanging in the balance seeing what happens.

If she does not full in line then fuck noes.

Why waste my time.

I am not going to use any more emotions or tell her how I feel about her anymore.

She said she wanted me to change not dissappear 🙃 and not put any effort in.

I said what about all the times before our break when I put all the effort in then she couldn't answer me.


"Saying I have broken her heart she for real."

You could've just as easily asked "How so?", to hear what she has to say.

You've been waiting all this time to have her tell you things about the way she's feeling, but you shut her down instead with the line that sounds like you're punishing her. "I said what about all the times before our break when I put all the effort in" -it's not a bad thing to say, but you still don't know how she's feeling, it's right back to how you felt and how she treated you.

When she says these types of things, a simple "How so?", "Why?", "What do you mean?" will give you a lot more understanding into how she communicates.
Profile picture of saggurl88
Vacation Queen
@saggurl88
12 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 22238 · Posts: 25616 · Topics: 84
Posted by Sagoxa
Posted by saggurl88

The dynamics of mutable relationships lol

You missed a couple of calls and texts in a 24 hour period, didn't completely ignore her and are still in communication.

Things are already changing a little.

My opinion

Image Not Found

Ikr 🤣 that's why i love mutables lmao
click to expand



lol EXACTLY. I love it too. It's never a problem for me to act this way. It's like an understood way of life lol

Some will judge, and plenty will misunderstand, but we know.

Profile picture of saggurl88
Vacation Queen
@saggurl88
12 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 22238 · Posts: 25616 · Topics: 84
Posted by Sagoxa
Posted by saggurl88
Posted by Sagoxa
Posted by saggurl88

The dynamics of mutable relationships lol

You missed a couple of calls and texts in a 24 hour period, didn't completely ignore her and are still in communication.

Things are already changing a little.

My opinion

Image Not Found

Ikr 🤣 that's why i love mutables lmao

lol EXACTLY. I love it too. It's never a problem for me to act this way. It's like an understood way of life lol

Some will judge, and plenty will misunderstand, but we know.

It's a typical day being a sag.. people will judge.. but we know 🤣

What are your favourites? Mine is gemini and virgo.

Virgo will test you like crazy in the beginning but again, we know 🤪🤣

User Submitted Image class="bqfade">click to expand


Mine are mostly Air. Gemini and Aquarius.

Virgos, I still don't know how to navigate because we don't open up to each other and I don't understand the hints they do when they need something. It would be so much easier to just be demanding with me and say what they expect or want. I'm too chill and passive to be bothered to ask 🤪 But I love the good qualities about them, just can't stand the games they play when they need something from a person. It's unnecessary to me. I don't have much earth in my chart though, so I lack the patience for this type of bullshit.

Oops, was talking about air signs- not just mutables lol
Profile picture of Centaur12
Centaur12
@Centaur12
5 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 9 · Posts: 628 · Topics: 23
Posted by saggurl88
Posted by Centaur12

She's Literally put me off that much now where I am hanging in the balance seeing what happens.

If she does not full in line then fuck noes.

Why waste my time.

I am not going to use any more emotions or tell her how I feel about her anymore.

She said she wanted me to change not dissappear 🙃 and not put any effort in.

I said what about all the times before our break when I put all the effort in then she couldn't answer me.

"Saying I have broken her heart she for real."

You could've just as easily asked "How so?", to hear what she has to say.

You've been waiting all this time to have her tell you things about the way she's feeling, but you shut her down instead with the line that sounds like you're punishing her. "I said what about all the times before our break when I put all the effort in" -it's not a bad thing to say, but you still don't know how she's feeling, it's right back to how you felt and how she treated you.

When she says these types of things, a simple "How so?", "Why?", "What do you mean?" will give you a lot more understanding into how she communicates.
click to expand



I didn't text her saying are you for real? I text her saying how have I broken your heart and her response was (forget it). I am just saying as an expression is she for real.
Profile picture of Centaur12
Centaur12
@Centaur12
5 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 9 · Posts: 628 · Topics: 23
Posted by jeane

i'll repeat what i said in the last thread. you have to ask questions and listen to the answer.

none of this power play bullshit. none of this "i'll show you". none of this retaliation for what you put me through.

want to be an adult in an adult relationship? behave like an adult. you're not fighting each other, you should be fighting the problem.

first identify what is the problem. you haven't even got that far. does she want you to change? does she want space? does she want to end the relationship? what does she want? what do you want? do you know how she actually feels about things? have you asked her? have you truly listened to her? do you just assume? does she understand your point of view too? if asked could she tell you how you are feeling and why? if she can't then that it is on you to express yourself more clearly.

and not in the "why won't you say you love me back" way but more "i worry sometimes that you don't feel i am good enough. i worry that maybe i'm not good enough. i ask you over and over again because x/y/z/i can't believe my luck/whatever it may be"

how does she want you to change? are you willing to make those changes? or are they more than you are willing to do (nothing wrong with that)?

first work out the problem then try to solve the problem. you can't go in thinking she is a horrible person. you have to go in thinking she is the woman i love who has flaws yes, but some wonderful attributes and deep down is a decent human being who i want to be with. you have to go in with a kind heart. we are all a combination of hurts and pains inflicted on us until we get to each other. i bring baggage to my relationship. my partner brings baggage too. it's understanding that baggage, accepting it and then unpacking it and transforming it that makes for a restorative relationship.

you are going to hit each other's trigger points but ignoring her and playing tit for tat will get you nowhere in the long run. power plays only work for so long before they stop working. they don't make for an equal and loving relationship.


A big thank you to all of you for your advice on helping me.

I have taken everything on board and listened to you all.

I took Jeanes advice and last night we met up at her place with a drink and talked at the table together.

We identified our individual problems and problems as a couple.

I was blunt in my approach because I wanted to get through to her and I sat and listened to how she felt.

She has said to me I make her feel loved like there is no other woman out there and wanted and like she is the luckiest lady however, she said the only problem is some of my communication I do not say things to her right away.

I said that us because our relationship has been built around insecuritys her being insecure about my ex and me about her ex i.e ( my ex partner being around my family and when my ex partner use to have my oldest daughter who isn't her child but not off of my back it was off of my oldest daughters mother as my ex and oldest daughters mum are in contact and do eachother these favours.

Anyway I never use to say to her about it after because I didn't want her to get upset when there isn't anything I could I do but believe me I tried over and over to stop it and now finally it has.

And I made it clear to her also on how I feel and she listened to every word and we both feel amazing now this weight has been lifted from both of us.

I felt like I couldn't talk to her without upsetting her on these subjects etc now we have cleared up both of our problems its helped.

1. We sat there and identified all the different problems we had and listened to eachother and held our hands up.

2 . I called her out on the powerplaying and told her that we both have boundaries and we have both been doing this and I said let's cut the shit out as I am not going to stand for it anymore she looked up and was shocked a little and said okay.

3 . I asked her what she wants now and in the future, her reply was I want you and I love you with all my heart and I want a future with you for us to live together and for you to support me and have my back on everything and I said okay.

We spoke all night last night and it worked we are both refreshed and our relationship felt like it was back to the first time of us meeting so thank you all.

The bond was instantly restored between us all night and into the morning 😁. I have learnt to keep my emotions inside more and to go with the flow of things not to get so upset and be more under control also not to just rely on her for my happiness because as they say you must first love yourself before you can love anyone else. Thanks all.



Profile picture of jeane
jeane
@jeane
11 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 22 · Posts: 8048 · Topics: 36
Posted by Centaur12
Posted by jeane

i'll repeat what i said in the last thread. you have to ask questions and listen to the answer.

none of this power play bullshit. none of this "i'll show you". none of this retaliation for what you put me through.

want to be an adult in an adult relationship? behave like an adult. you're not fighting each other, you should be fighting the problem.

first identify what is the problem. you haven't even got that far. does she want you to change? does she want space? does she want to end the relationship? what does she want? what do you want? do you know how she actually feels about things? have you asked her? have you truly listened to her? do you just assume? does she understand your point of view too? if asked could she tell you how you are feeling and why? if she can't then that it is on you to express yourself more clearly.

and not in the "why won't you say you love me back" way but more "i worry sometimes that you don't feel i am good enough. i worry that maybe i'm not good enough. i ask you over and over again because x/y/z/i can't believe my luck/whatever it may be"

how does she want you to change? are you willing to make those changes? or are they more than you are willing to do (nothing wrong with that)?

first work out the problem then try to solve the problem. you can't go in thinking she is a horrible person. you have to go in thinking she is the woman i love who has flaws yes, but some wonderful attributes and deep down is a decent human being who i want to be with. you have to go in with a kind heart. we are all a combination of hurts and pains inflicted on us until we get to each other. i bring baggage to my relationship. my partner brings baggage too. it's understanding that baggage, accepting it and then unpacking it and transforming it that makes for a restorative relationship.

you are going to hit each other's trigger points but ignoring her and playing tit for tat will get you nowhere in the long run. power plays only work for so long before they stop working. they don't make for an equal and loving relationship.

A big thank you to all of you for your advice on helping me.

I have taken everything on board and listened to you all.

I took Jeanes advice and last night we met up at her place with a drink and talked at the table together.

We identified our individual problems and problems as a couple.

I was blunt in my approach because I wanted to get through to her and I sat and listened to how she felt.

She has said to me I make her feel loved like there is no other woman out there and wanted and like she is the luckiest lady however, she said the only problem is some of my communication I do not say things to her right away.

I said that us because our relationship has been built around insecuritys her being insecure about my ex and me about her ex i.e ( my ex partner being around my family and when my ex partner use to have my oldest daughter who isn't her child but not off of my back it was off of my oldest daughters mother as my ex and oldest daughters mum are in contact and do eachother these favours.

Anyway I never use to say to her about it after because I didn't want her to get upset when there isn't anything I could I do but believe me I tried over and over to stop it and now finally it has.

And I made it clear to her also on how I feel and she listened to every word and we both feel amazing now this weight has been lifted from both of us.

I felt like I couldn't talk to her without upsetting her on these subjects etc now we have cleared up both of our problems its helped.

1. We sat there and identified all the different problems we had and listened to eachother and held our hands up.

2 . I called her out on the powerplaying and told her that we both have boundaries and we have both been doing this and I said let's cut the shit out as I am not going to stand for it anymore she looked up and was shocked a little and said okay.

3 . I asked her what she wants now and in the future, her reply was I want you and I love you with all my heart and I want a future with you for us to live together and for you to support me and have my back on everything and I said okay.

We spoke all night last night and it worked we are both refreshed and our relationship felt like it was back to the first time of us meeting so thank you all.

The bond was instantly restored between us all night and into the morning 😁. I have learnt to keep my emotions inside more and to go with the flow of things not to get so upset and be more under control also not to just rely on her for my happiness because as they say you must first love yourself before you can love anyone else. Thanks all.
click to expand



what a brilliant outcome. well done to you both for both being mature enough to start to sort things out.

ultimately i believe you should be friends with your partner. when you are encountering a problem talk about it like you would with a friend. you are not her enemy. she is not your enemy. you are on the same team.

don't be afraid to share your emotions but just understand that not every emotion, of every part of the day, in every changing season has to be shared or expect to be resolved by her. continuing the team analogy if your team mate is having a hard time then it's your job to see what you can do to make their load lighter. be of service. ask yourself, what can i do to make their life better/easier/happier. she should be doing the same for you but she won't know that unless you tell her what you need from her. it seems she responds to bluntness so don't be afraid to resort to that if you feel you need to.

in return you can ask her what she needs from you. you can also show your appreciation of her efforts to make you happy. sometimes stopping to take a moment to say 'thank you' is all you need. other times, a big bunch of flowers randomly showing up doesn't hurt either! see what she would like the most and do that.

don't be afraid also to explain yourself of why you feel the way you do. why some things upset you. she has to learn about you and your history. with that comes understanding. with understanding comes compassion and forgiveness.

my partner and i fought like two prize fighters at the start. the problem was that we didn't know each other very well. i would trigger him. he would trigger me. (i'd be lying if i said we still didn't hit each others soft spots sometimes) at the time i had no context on why he was behaving and reacting like he was. it was outrageous and i wasn't afraid to tell him so. over time i understand why those are his issues. i logically can reason out why given x he would react in a y fashion. so when touch a sensitive point and he goes back to that place again i remember his previous hurts and instead of reacting myself to escalate the matter, i have compassion and react in a way that brings us closer together.

it's about being honest and vulnerable and respectful for the other person and the experiences that made them that way. none of us are perfect. all you can do is behave in good faith.
Profile picture of Centaur12
Centaur12
@Centaur12
5 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 9 · Posts: 628 · Topics: 23
Posted by jeane
Posted by Centaur12
Posted by jeane

i'll repeat what i said in the last thread. you have to ask questions and listen to the answer.

none of this power play bullshit. none of this "i'll show you". none of this retaliation for what you put me through.

want to be an adult in an adult relationship? behave like an adult. you're not fighting each other, you should be fighting the problem.

first identify what is the problem. you haven't even got that far. does she want you to change? does she want space? does she want to end the relationship? what does she want? what do you want? do you know how she actually feels about things? have you asked her? have you truly listened to her? do you just assume? does she understand your point of view too? if asked could she tell you how you are feeling and why? if she can't then that it is on you to express yourself more clearly.

and not in the "why won't you say you love me back" way but more "i worry sometimes that you don't feel i am good enough. i worry that maybe i'm not good enough. i ask you over and over again because x/y/z/i can't believe my luck/whatever it may be"

how does she want you to change? are you willing to make those changes? or are they more than you are willing to do (nothing wrong with that)?

first work out the problem then try to solve the problem. you can't go in thinking she is a horrible person. you have to go in thinking she is the woman i love who has flaws yes, but some wonderful attributes and deep down is a decent human being who i want to be with. you have to go in with a kind heart. we are all a combination of hurts and pains inflicted on us until we get to each other. i bring baggage to my relationship. my partner brings baggage too. it's understanding that baggage, accepting it and then unpacking it and transforming it that makes for a restorative relationship.

you are going to hit each other's trigger points but ignoring her and playing tit for tat will get you nowhere in the long run. power plays only work for so long before they stop working. they don't make for an equal and loving relationship.

A big thank you to all of you for your advice on helping me.

I have taken everything on board and listened to you all.

I took Jeanes advice and last night we met up at her place with a drink and talked at the table together.

We identified our individual problems and problems as a couple.

I was blunt in my approach because I wanted to get through to her and I sat and listened to how she felt.

She has said to me I make her feel loved like there is no other woman out there and wanted and like she is the luckiest lady however, she said the only problem is some of my communication I do not say things to her right away.

I said that us because our relationship has been built around insecuritys her being insecure about my ex and me about her ex i.e ( my ex partner being around my family and when my ex partner use to have my oldest daughter who isn't her child but not off of my back it was off of my oldest daughters mother as my ex and oldest daughters mum are in contact and do eachother these favours.

Anyway I never use to say to her about it after because I didn't want her to get upset when there isn't anything I could I do but believe me I tried over and over to stop it and now finally it has.

And I made it clear to her also on how I feel and she listened to every word and we both feel amazing now this weight has been lifted from both of us.

I felt like I couldn't talk to her without upsetting her on these subjects etc now we have cleared up both of our problems its helped.

1. We sat there and identified all the different problems we had and listened to eachother and held our hands up.

2 . I called her out on the powerplaying and told her that we both have boundaries and we have both been doing this and I said let's cut the shit out as I am not going to stand for it anymore she looked up and was shocked a little and said okay.

3 . I asked her what she wants now and in the future, her reply was I want you and I love you with all my heart and I want a future with you for us to live together and for you to support me and have my back on everything and I said okay.

We spoke all night last night and it worked we are both refreshed and our relationship felt like it was back to the first time of us meeting so thank you all.

The bond was instantly restored between us all night and into the morning 😁. I have learnt to keep my emotions inside more and to go with the flow of things not to get so upset and be more under control also not to just rely on her for my happiness because as they say you must first love yourself before you can love anyone else. Thanks all.

what a brilliant outcome. well done to you both for both being mature enough to start to sort things out.

ultimately i believe you should be friends with your partner. when you are encountering a problem talk about it like you would with a friend. you are not her enemy. she is not your enemy. you are on the same team.

don't be afraid to share your emotions but just understand that not every emotion, of every part of the day, in every changing season has to be shared or expect to be resolved by her. continuing the team analogy if your team mate is having a hard time then it's your job to see what you can do to make their load lighter. be of service. ask yourself, what can i do to make their life better/easier/happier. she should be doing the same for you but she won't know that unless you tell her what you need from her. it seems she responds to bluntness so don't be afraid to resort to that if you feel you need to.

in return you can ask her what she needs from you. you can also show your appreciation of her efforts to make you happy. sometimes stopping to take a moment to say 'thank you' is all you need. other times, a big bunch of flowers randomly showing up doesn't hurt either! see what she would like the most and do that.

don't be afraid also to explain yourself of why you feel the way you do. why some things upset you. she has to learn about you and your history. with that comes understanding. with understanding comes compassion and forgiveness.

my partner and i fought like two prize fighters at the start. the problem was that we didn't know each other very well. i would trigger him. he would trigger me. (i'd be lying if i said we still didn't hit each others soft spots sometimes) at the time i had no context on why he was behaving and reacting like he was. it was outrageous and i wasn't afraid to tell him so. over time i understand why those are his issues. i logically can reason out why given x he would react in a y fashion. so when touch a sensitive point and he goes back to that place again i remember his previous hurts and instead of reacting myself to escalate the matter, i have compassion and react in a way that brings us closer together.

it's about being honest and vulnerable and respectful for the other person and the experiences that made them that way. none of us are perfect. all you can do is behave in good faith.
click to expand



Thanks jeane for your help 😁
Profile picture of Undine
Undine
@Undine
12 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 1552 · Posts: 8895 · Topics: 11
Posted by Centaur12
Posted by jeane

i'll repeat what i said in the last thread. you have to ask questions and listen to the answer.

none of this power play bullshit. none of this "i'll show you". none of this retaliation for what you put me through.

want to be an adult in an adult relationship? behave like an adult. you're not fighting each other, you should be fighting the problem.

first identify what is the problem. you haven't even got that far. does she want you to change? does she want space? does she want to end the relationship? what does she want? what do you want? do you know how she actually feels about things? have you asked her? have you truly listened to her? do you just assume? does she understand your point of view too? if asked could she tell you how you are feeling and why? if she can't then that it is on you to express yourself more clearly.

and not in the "why won't you say you love me back" way but more "i worry sometimes that you don't feel i am good enough. i worry that maybe i'm not good enough. i ask you over and over again because x/y/z/i can't believe my luck/whatever it may be"

how does she want you to change? are you willing to make those changes? or are they more than you are willing to do (nothing wrong with that)?

first work out the problem then try to solve the problem. you can't go in thinking she is a horrible person. you have to go in thinking she is the woman i love who has flaws yes, but some wonderful attributes and deep down is a decent human being who i want to be with. you have to go in with a kind heart. we are all a combination of hurts and pains inflicted on us until we get to each other. i bring baggage to my relationship. my partner brings baggage too. it's understanding that baggage, accepting it and then unpacking it and transforming it that makes for a restorative relationship.

you are going to hit each other's trigger points but ignoring her and playing tit for tat will get you nowhere in the long run. power plays only work for so long before they stop working. they don't make for an equal and loving relationship.

A big thank you to all of you for your advice on helping me.

I have taken everything on board and listened to you all.

I took Jeanes advice and last night we met up at her place with a drink and talked at the table together.

We identified our individual problems and problems as a couple.

I was blunt in my approach because I wanted to get through to her and I sat and listened to how she felt.

She has said to me I make her feel loved like there is no other woman out there and wanted and like she is the luckiest lady however, she said the only problem is some of my communication I do not say things to her right away.

I said that us because our relationship has been built around insecuritys her being insecure about my ex and me about her ex i.e ( my ex partner being around my family and when my ex partner use to have my oldest daughter who isn't her child but not off of my back it was off of my oldest daughters mother as my ex and oldest daughters mum are in contact and do eachother these favours.

Anyway I never use to say to her about it after because I didn't want her to get upset when there isn't anything I could I do but believe me I tried over and over to stop it and now finally it has.

And I made it clear to her also on how I feel and she listened to every word and we both feel amazing now this weight has been lifted from both of us.

I felt like I couldn't talk to her without upsetting her on these subjects etc now we have cleared up both of our problems its helped.

1. We sat there and identified all the different problems we had and listened to eachother and held our hands up.

2 . I called her out on the powerplaying and told her that we both have boundaries and we have both been doing this and I said let's cut the shit out as I am not going to stand for it anymore she looked up and was shocked a little and said okay.

3 . I asked her what she wants now and in the future, her reply was I want you and I love you with all my heart and I want a future with you for us to live together and for you to support me and have my back on everything and I said okay.

We spoke all night last night and it worked we are both refreshed and our relationship felt like it was back to the first time of us meeting so thank you all.

The bond was instantly restored between us all night and into the morning 😁. I have learnt to keep my emotions inside more and to go with the flow of things not to get so upset and be more under control also not to just rely on her for my happiness because as they say you must first love yourself before you can love anyone else. Thanks all.
click to expand



Good job, man! Now you need to remember Jeane’s advice each time there is a Mexican* standoff between you 😄

*no offence to Mexicans
Profile picture of saggurl88
Vacation Queen
@saggurl88
12 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 22238 · Posts: 25616 · Topics: 84
Posted by Sagoxa
Posted by saggurl88
Posted by Sagoxa
Posted by saggurl88
Posted by Sagoxa
Posted by saggurl88

The dynamics of mutable relationships lol

You missed a couple of calls and texts in a 24 hour period, didn't completely ignore her and are still in communication.

Things are already changing a little.

My opinion

Image Not Found

Ikr 🤣 that's why i love mutables lmao

lol EXACTLY. I love it too. It's never a problem for me to act this way. It's like an understood way of life lol

Some will judge, and plenty will misunderstand, but we know.

It's a typical day being a sag.. people will judge.. but we know 🤣

What are your favourites? Mine is gemini and virgo.

Virgo will test you like crazy in the beginning but again, we know 🤪🤣

Image Not Found

Mine are mostly Air. Gemini and Aquarius.

Virgos, I still don't know how to navigate because we don't open up to each other and I don't understand the hints they do when they need something. It would be so much easier to just be demanding with me and say what they expect or want. I'm too chill and passive to be bothered to ask 🤪 But I love the good qualities about them, just can't stand the games they play when they need something from a person. It's unnecessary to me. I don't have much earth in my chart though, so I lack the patience for this type of bullshit.

Oops, was talking about air signs- not just mutables lol

Lol.. i get what you mean by the games they play. They're like onions, need to peel them one by one.. it's kind of fun to drag the words out of their mouth.. 😅🤣 But theyre good in a relationship but not so much in dating phase..

I think I would never got through my virgo ex if I didnt have a virgo bestfriend for 10 years.

I notice my cancer moon likes familiar energy, something that is safe and tested, so I tend to be in a relationship with people who has the similar vibe or sun sign/placements with people closest to me. E.g Gemini, virgo, capricorn, aquarius. I have a lot of libra bestfriend too, but i dont think i would wanna be in a relationship with one 🤪🤣

I like aquarius too. Not for anything in particular. Just because they're "familiar".

Are you like that too? Or are you more experimental? The things is, when I wander to unknown territory, i tend to get burn lol.. so i think im good sticking with the familiars 🤣🤣
click to expand



Funny thing is my females friends are Cancer, Aries and a Pisces. All men that I wouldn't really date lol

I like building and getting to know someone from the ground up, so I guess I don't like what's familiar. I like what's unknown. Familiar is too easy for me and I love a challenge.

I have no doubts about the relationship phase of a Virgo, I'm just not interested in the dating phases. It breaks most of my trust and I'm too stubborn to get past it. Dating sets a standard of how you will treat me in a relationship.

I treat dating like a job period trial. You mess up and you wont get the job 😆
Profile picture of saggurl88
Vacation Queen
@saggurl88
12 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 22238 · Posts: 25616 · Topics: 84
Posted by Sagoxa
Posted by saggurl88
Posted by Sagoxa
Posted by saggurl88
Posted by Sagoxa
Posted by saggurl88
Posted by Sagoxa
Posted by saggurl88

The dynamics of mutable relationships lol

You missed a couple of calls and texts in a 24 hour period, didn't completely ignore her and are still in communication.

Things are already changing a little.

My opinion

Image Not Found

Ikr 🤣 that's why i love mutables lmao

lol EXACTLY. I love it too. It's never a problem for me to act this way. It's like an understood way of life lol

Some will judge, and plenty will misunderstand, but we know.

It's a typical day being a sag.. people will judge.. but we know 🤣

What are your favourites? Mine is gemini and virgo.

Virgo will test you like crazy in the beginning but again, we know 🤪🤣

Image Not Found

Mine are mostly Air. Gemini and Aquarius.

Virgos, I still don't know how to navigate because we don't open up to each other and I don't understand the hints they do when they need something. It would be so much easier to just be demanding with me and say what they expect or want. I'm too chill and passive to be bothered to ask 🤪 But I love the good qualities about them, just can't stand the games they play when they need something from a person. It's unnecessary to me. I don't have much earth in my chart though, so I lack the patience for this type of bullshit.

Oops, was talking about air signs- not just mutables lol

Lol.. i get what you mean by the games they play. They're like onions, need to peel them one by one.. it's kind of fun to drag the words out of their mouth.. 😅🤣 But theyre good in a relationship but not so much in dating phase..

I think I would never got through my virgo ex if I didnt have a virgo bestfriend for 10 years.

I notice my cancer moon likes familiar energy, something that is safe and tested, so I tend to be in a relationship with people who has the similar vibe or sun sign/placements with people closest to me. E.g Gemini, virgo, capricorn, aquarius. I have a lot of libra bestfriend too, but i dont think i would wanna be in a relationship with one 🤪🤣

I like aquarius too. Not for anything in particular. Just because they're "familiar".

Are you like that too? Or are you more experimental? The things is, when I wander to unknown territory, i tend to get burn lol.. so i think im good sticking with the familiars 🤣🤣

Funny thing is my females friends are Cancer, Aries and a Pisces. All men that I wouldn't really date lol

I like building and getting to know someone from the ground up, so I guess I don't like what's familiar. I like what's unknown. Familiar is too easy for me and I love a challenge.

I have no doubts about the relationship phase of a Virgo, I'm just not interested in the dating phases. It breaks most of my trust and I'm too stubborn to get past it. Dating sets a standard of how you will treat me in a relationship.

I treat dating like a job period trial. You mess up and you wont get the job 😆

HAHAHHAA 🤣

Never say never 🤪 Everytime I say im never doing it, i end up doing it

I have taurus MC too and cancer rising, maybe that is why I prefer something "safe" than experimental. I'm experimental in sex but not so much for the matter of the heart lol 🤣
click to expand



I'm learning that not feeling obsessive and ultra "in love" is better for me, but safe, sucks ass. I will still try to stay the path, since I know what I liked before didn't work.

It's just boring as hell. I think most Sag are experimental in bed lol
Profile picture of saggurl88
Vacation Queen
@saggurl88
12 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 22238 · Posts: 25616 · Topics: 84
Posted by Sagoxa
Posted by saggurl88
Posted by Sagoxa
Posted by saggurl88
Posted by Sagoxa
Posted by saggurl88
Posted by Sagoxa
Posted by saggurl88
Posted by Sagoxa
Posted by saggurl88

The dynamics of mutable relationships lol

You missed a couple of calls and texts in a 24 hour period, didn't completely ignore her and are still in communication.

Things are already changing a little.

My opinion

Image Not Found

Ikr 🤣 that's why i love mutables lmao

lol EXACTLY. I love it too. It's never a problem for me to act this way. It's like an understood way of life lol

Some will judge, and plenty will misunderstand, but we know.

It's a typical day being a sag.. people will judge.. but we know 🤣

What are your favourites? Mine is gemini and virgo.

Virgo will test you like crazy in the beginning but again, we know 🤪🤣

Image Not Found

Mine are mostly Air. Gemini and Aquarius.

Virgos, I still don't know how to navigate because we don't open up to each other and I don't understand the hints they do when they need something. It would be so much easier to just be demanding with me and say what they expect or want. I'm too chill and passive to be bothered to ask 🤪 But I love the good qualities about them, just can't stand the games they play when they need something from a person. It's unnecessary to me. I don't have much earth in my chart though, so I lack the patience for this type of bullshit.

Oops, was talking about air signs- not just mutables lol

Lol.. i get what you mean by the games they play. They're like onions, need to peel them one by one.. it's kind of fun to drag the words out of their mouth.. 😅🤣 But theyre good in a relationship but not so much in dating phase..

I think I would never got through my virgo ex if I didnt have a virgo bestfriend for 10 years.

I notice my cancer moon likes familiar energy, something that is safe and tested, so I tend to be in a relationship with people who has the similar vibe or sun sign/placements with people closest to me. E.g Gemini, virgo, capricorn, aquarius. I have a lot of libra bestfriend too, but i dont think i would wanna be in a relationship with one 🤪🤣

I like aquarius too. Not for anything in particular. Just because they're "familiar".

Are you like that too? Or are you more experimental? The things is, when I wander to unknown territory, i tend to get burn lol.. so i think im good sticking with the familiars 🤣🤣

Funny thing is my females friends are Cancer, Aries and a Pisces. All men that I wouldn't really date lol

I like building and getting to know someone from the ground up, so I guess I don't like what's familiar. I like what's unknown. Familiar is too easy for me and I love a challenge.

I have no doubts about the relationship phase of a Virgo, I'm just not interested in the dating phases. It breaks most of my trust and I'm too stubborn to get past it. Dating sets a standard of how you will treat me in a relationship.

I treat dating like a job period trial. You mess up and you wont get the job 😆

HAHAHHAA 🤣

Never say never 🤪 Everytime I say im never doing it, i end up doing it

I have taurus MC too and cancer rising, maybe that is why I prefer something "safe" than experimental. I'm experimental in sex but not so much for the matter of the heart lol 🤣

I'm learning that not feeling obsessive and ultra "in love" is better for me, but safe, sucks ass. I will still try to stay the path, since I know what I liked before didn't work.

It's just boring as hell. I think most Sag are experimental in bed lol

🤣🤣

I know what you mean. I've had the experience of being super intense and super obsessive and it tore me to the core. I wont do it again. It brings out my dark side that I dislike and I'm not proud of it lol..

I'll play with "danger" and "challenges" and keep it right there. Until the safest one comes along then i'll settle 🤣🤣🤣
click to expand



Sometimes, I just like the danger 😆 But it's true. I will settle for safe. I guess I should've enjoyed the games while they lasted!

Image Not Found
Profile picture of Centaur12
Centaur12
@Centaur12
5 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 9 · Posts: 628 · Topics: 23
Hi guys,

Hope your all good?

Have a problem again 🙄😒

Partner now saying she is unhappy wants somethings to change and I have tried to sort this out and have been doing so my side.

She is now saying we have to go back to basics as she is not happy and she is 50/50 about the relationship. She has also, said that it's either this or we can end the relationship really cold.

she text me this afternoon saying come round but don't stay the night and we had a pretty good night laighing and joking and she is just fucking with my head now and feelings.

I tried to approach her on this while we was cuddling when she said you have to go soon and I said this is just tormenting me now and it's game playing.

Her response was I am going to pretend I didn't hear ypu say that and then said we have a good time and it goes back to this but I just want us to work out and cut the fuckimg bollox it's really tearing me up.

What can I do.this power playing shit I don't want to do that I just want to sort all the crap out its killing me inside.
Profile picture of saggurl88
Vacation Queen
@saggurl88
12 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 22238 · Posts: 25616 · Topics: 84
Posted by Centaur12

Hi guys,

Hope your all good?

Have a problem again 🙄😒

Partner now saying she is unhappy wants somethings to change and I have tried to sort this out and have been doing so my side.

She is now saying we have to go back to basics as she is not happy and she is 50/50 about the relationship. She has also, said that it's either this or we can end the relationship really cold.

she text me this afternoon saying come round but don't stay the night and we had a pretty good night laighing and joking and she is just fucking with my head now and feelings.

I tried to approach her on this while we was cuddling when she said you have to go soon and I said this is just tormenting me now and it's game playing.

Her response was I am going to pretend I didn't hear ypu say that and then said we have a good time and it goes back to this but I just want us to work out and cut the fuckimg bollox it's really tearing me up.

What can I do.this power playing shit I don't want to do that I just want to sort all the crap out its killing me inside.

First- What does she want changed?

Second- about the last statement,

You could've easily said you weren't going to come then, since you weren't spending the night. You should really learn how to call her bluffs.

"she text me this afternoon saying come round but don't stay the night and we had a pretty good night laughing and joking and she is just fucking with my head now and feelings.

I tried to approach her on this while we was cuddling when she said you have to go soon and I said this is just tormenting me now and it's game playing."

I see you're back to your neediness huh? 🙃

If you quit acting like that, she will quit behaving like this. She's just trying to get her way because you're insecure and needy and she knows she has the chance to. You're right, she is playing a game with you.

How quickly you forgot the upper hand you had when you weren't being needy and were just acting normal.

Dude, you really need to get a backbone and quit questioning everything.

I'm not sure why you can be so direct with how you feel, but not direct in telling her to quit the bullshit.

Sorry if this offers no proper advice for you
Profile picture of Centaur12
Centaur12
@Centaur12
5 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 9 · Posts: 628 · Topics: 23
Posted by saggurl88
Posted by Centaur12

Hi guys,

Hope your all good?

Have a problem again 🙄😒

Partner now saying she is unhappy wants somethings to change and I have tried to sort this out and have been doing so my side.

She is now saying we have to go back to basics as she is not happy and she is 50/50 about the relationship. She has also, said that it's either this or we can end the relationship really cold.

she text me this afternoon saying come round but don't stay the night and we had a pretty good night laighing and joking and she is just fucking with my head now and feelings.

I tried to approach her on this while we was cuddling when she said you have to go soon and I said this is just tormenting me now and it's game playing.

Her response was I am going to pretend I didn't hear ypu say that and then said we have a good time and it goes back to this but I just want us to work out and cut the fuckimg bollox it's really tearing me up.

What can I do.this power playing shit I don't want to do that I just want to sort all the crap out its killing me inside.

First- What does she want changed?

Second- about the last statement,

You could've easily said you weren't going to come then, since you weren't spending the night. You should really learn how to call her bluffs.

"she text me this afternoon saying come round but don't stay the night and we had a pretty good night laughing and joking and she is just fucking with my head now and feelings.

I tried to approach her on this while we was cuddling when she said you have to go soon and I said this is just tormenting me now and it's game playing."

I see you're back to your neediness huh? 🙃

If you quit acting like that, she will quit behaving like this. She's just trying to get her way because you're insecure and needy and she knows she has the chance to. You're right, she is playing a game with you.

How quickly you forgot the upper hand you had when you weren't being needy and were just acting normal.

Dude, you really need to get a backbone and quit questioning everything.

I'm not sure why you can be so direct with how you feel, but not direct in telling her to quit the bullshit.

Sorry if this offers no proper advice for you
click to expand



Yeah it does offer advice so you think I should just in future play her at her own game and say okay I won't come up tonight etc instead of going to see her.

I try to be direct on saying to her about playing games etc and she gets all mad and pissy about it just makes me feel like wtf am I doing.
Profile picture of Centaur12
Centaur12
@Centaur12
5 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 9 · Posts: 628 · Topics: 23
Posted by saggurl88
Posted by Centaur12

Hi guys,

Hope your all good?

Have a problem again 🙄😒

Partner now saying she is unhappy wants somethings to change and I have tried to sort this out and have been doing so my side.

She is now saying we have to go back to basics as she is not happy and she is 50/50 about the relationship. She has also, said that it's either this or we can end the relationship really cold.

she text me this afternoon saying come round but don't stay the night and we had a pretty good night laighing and joking and she is just fucking with my head now and feelings.

I tried to approach her on this while we was cuddling when she said you have to go soon and I said this is just tormenting me now and it's game playing.

Her response was I am going to pretend I didn't hear ypu say that and then said we have a good time and it goes back to this but I just want us to work out and cut the fuckimg bollox it's really tearing me up.

What can I do.this power playing shit I don't want to do that I just want to sort all the crap out its killing me inside.

First- What does she want changed?

Second- about the last statement,

You could've easily said you weren't going to come then, since you weren't spending the night. You should really learn how to call her bluffs.

"she text me this afternoon saying come round but don't stay the night and we had a pretty good night laughing and joking and she is just fucking with my head now and feelings.

I tried to approach her on this while we was cuddling when she said you have to go soon and I said this is just tormenting me now and it's game playing."

I see you're back to your neediness huh? 🙃

If you quit acting like that, she will quit behaving like this. She's just trying to get her way because you're insecure and needy and she knows she has the chance to. You're right, she is playing a game with you.

How quickly you forgot the upper hand you had when you weren't being needy and were just acting normal.

Dude, you really need to get a backbone and quit questioning everything.

I'm not sure why you can be so direct with how you feel, but not direct in telling her to quit the bullshit.

Sorry if this offers no proper advice for you
click to expand



My biggest worry the reason why I am finding it hard is because I want to settle down properly and deep down I don't think I will ever find another person like her she has a few flaws but deep down is a great person and I would hate to loose her.
Profile picture of PhoenixRising
PhoenixRising
@PhoenixRising
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 19 · Posts: 19733 · Topics: 48
Posted by Centaur12

Hi guys,

Hope your all good?

Have a problem again 🙄😒

Partner now saying she is unhappy wants somethings to change and I have tried to sort this out and have been doing so my side.

She is now saying we have to go back to basics...

Geeze and they say Fixed signs don't know when to call it quits.

Anyway what does that even mean? What does she want changed and what does "back to basics" mean? Get clear on that, or there is really no point in "trying" to do things on your end. You can't change what you're not clear about. If it includes the fundamental basic of how to communicate better and build a better relationship, then I agree. If it's about the nonsense you wrote below where you are beckoned to come over, but can't stay then it's time to move on. Seriously. Because you've taken a step back.

Posted by Centaur12

...she text me this afternoon saying come round but don't stay the night...

I tried to approach her on this while we was cuddling when she said you have to go soon and I said this is just tormenting me now and it's game playing....
click to expand


She's not tormenting you, you're doing that all to yourself. If you wanted to spend the night, why agree to go over under the terms that you wouldn't then try to manipulate a different outcome? You're not going to (out)manipulate a Gemini that easily. As I read it, she's not simply playing games. She has the upper hand, is calling the shots, standing firmly in that position and you're the one agreeing to things you don't really want to agree to, trying to switch it up through hugs and cuddles and then crying about it. Next time, if you want to stay the night, say so from jump, if she says "no" then tell her you'll pass. Discuss why she wants to keep it at that level (e.g. you can't stay over) and if it truly sounds like she's just playing games/all over the place, politely wish her a good evening and end the call (or text I guess...lawd that's part of the issue as well, but I digress). Resume the convo another day when she's ready to move forward.

Or just end this whole things already.
Profile picture of jeane
jeane
@jeane
11 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 22 · Posts: 8048 · Topics: 36
Posted by PhoenixRising
Posted by Centaur12

Hi guys,

Hope your all good?

Have a problem again 🙄😒

Partner now saying she is unhappy wants somethings to change and I have tried to sort this out and have been doing so my side.

She is now saying we have to go back to basics...

Geeze and they say Fixed signs don't know when to call it quits.

Anyway what does that even mean? What does she want changed and what does "back to basics" mean? Get clear on that, or there is really no point in "trying" to do things on your end. You can't change what you're not clear about. If it includes the fundamental basic of how to communicate better and build a better relationship, then I agree. If it's about the nonsense you wrote below where you are beckoned to come over, but can't stay then it's time to move on. Seriously. Because you've taken a step back.
Posted by Centaur12

...she text me this afternoon saying come round but don't stay the night...

I tried to approach her on this while we was cuddling when she said you have to go soon and I said this is just tormenting me now and it's game playing....

She's not tormenting you, you're doing that all to yourself. If you wanted to spend the night, why agree to go over under the terms that you wouldn't then try to manipulate a different outcome? You're not going to (out)manipulate a Gemini that easily. As I read it, she's not simply playing games. She has the upper hand, is calling the shots, standing firmly in that position and you're the one agreeing to things you don't really want to agree to, trying to switch it up through hugs and cuddles and then crying about it. Next time, if you want to stay the night, say so from jump, if she says "no" then tell her you'll pass. Discuss why she wants to keep it at that level (e.g. you can't stay over) and if it truly sounds like she's just playing games/all over the place, politely wish her a good evening and end the call (or text I guess...lawd that's part of the issue as well, but I digress). Resume the convo another day when she's ready to move forward.

Or just end this whole things already.
click to expand


Image Not Found
Profile picture of PhoenixRising
PhoenixRising
@PhoenixRising
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 19 · Posts: 19733 · Topics: 48
Posted by Centaur12

My biggest worry the reason why I am finding it hard is because I want to settle down properly and deep down I don't think I will ever find another person like her...

Hmph. Here we go.

If you think this way, that you will never find someone that can care, love and actually respect you---with a few flaws of course, then you will always be bending over backwards for her and this dance y'all are doing will never end until someone decides to call it quits for good. The scales aren't balance in this relationship. I wrote that when you first began posting about her. I think I even recall you saying she said some off handed sh*t to you about you are lucky to be with her. Jesus.

She doesn't respect you. Look to settle up instead of down is my advice.
Profile picture of geminiflyby
geminiflyby
@geminiflyby
4 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 3163 · Posts: 1205 · Topics: 0
I am a Gemini and you are being mind-fucked. She does not want to work things out with you. This is not how ANYONE acts when they want things to work out. She's holding up the hoops and you are jumping right through like a fucking dolphin.

"She has also, said that it's either this or we can end the relationship really cold." - here is your clue. That was YOUR moment to say, "You're right. Good-bye" Everything is a test with us. You want to settle down properly? Then you need someone who is on the same page with that. She's obviously not. She can be a great person all day long, but she's not a great person with you.

You have got to let this go. I'm sorry but you do.
Profile picture of saggurl88
Vacation Queen
@saggurl88
12 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 22238 · Posts: 25616 · Topics: 84
Posted by Centaur12
Posted by saggurl88
Posted by Centaur12

Hi guys,

Hope your all good?

Have a problem again 🙄😒

Partner now saying she is unhappy wants somethings to change and I have tried to sort this out and have been doing so my side.

She is now saying we have to go back to basics as she is not happy and she is 50/50 about the relationship. She has also, said that it's either this or we can end the relationship really cold.

she text me this afternoon saying come round but don't stay the night and we had a pretty good night laighing and joking and she is just fucking with my head now and feelings.

I tried to approach her on this while we was cuddling when she said you have to go soon and I said this is just tormenting me now and it's game playing.

Her response was I am going to pretend I didn't hear ypu say that and then said we have a good time and it goes back to this but I just want us to work out and cut the fuckimg bollox it's really tearing me up.

What can I do.this power playing shit I don't want to do that I just want to sort all the crap out its killing me inside.

First- What does she want changed?

Second- about the last statement,

You could've easily said you weren't going to come then, since you weren't spending the night. You should really learn how to call her bluffs.

"she text me this afternoon saying come round but don't stay the night and we had a pretty good night laughing and joking and she is just fucking with my head now and feelings.

I tried to approach her on this while we was cuddling when she said you have to go soon and I said this is just tormenting me now and it's game playing."

I see you're back to your neediness huh? 🙃

If you quit acting like that, she will quit behaving like this. She's just trying to get her way because you're insecure and needy and she knows she has the chance to. You're right, she is playing a game with you.

How quickly you forgot the upper hand you had when you weren't being needy and were just acting normal.

Dude, you really need to get a backbone and quit questioning everything.

I'm not sure why you can be so direct with how you feel, but not direct in telling her to quit the bullshit.

Sorry if this offers no proper advice for you

Yeah it does offer advice so you think I should just in future play her at her own game and say okay I won't come up tonight etc instead of going to see her.

I try to be direct on saying to her about playing games etc and she gets all mad and pissy about it just makes me feel like wtf am I doing.
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Honestly, I cant really tell you how to maneuver what she says because you take things so personally. It's hard to give you solid advice because yo aren't consistent in your behavior with her.

It's not really about playing her game, so to speak. If she says stuff you don't like, that hurts your feeling, just go with the flow and say "cool, ok gotcha! I'll plan something else then" Or just say you aren't gonna come, in the other example.

Do you really think she's going to be ok with that? No she wont be! You say no and then she will fold.

The key is not giving her, her way when she's acting like this. She knows how to push your buttons and you just cry and rollover.

She wants to see you. She's just doing the most and seeing how you respond.

Her getting pissy is normal and to be expected. This is where she's supposed to be. This is the nagging that they stay in and is what their Gemini energy is comfortable in. She will almost need to be scolded like a child when she does something wrong. A light slap on the wrist, verbally, so to speak. But she just acts like a spoiled rotten child and you have no backbone to discipline her- I'm sorry this is such a crappy example, but the best i can do right now. I think you get the jist.
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Vacation Queen
@saggurl88
12 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 22238 · Posts: 25616 · Topics: 84
Posted by Centaur12
Posted by saggurl88
Posted by Centaur12

Hi guys,

Hope your all good?

Have a problem again 🙄😒

Partner now saying she is unhappy wants somethings to change and I have tried to sort this out and have been doing so my side.

She is now saying we have to go back to basics as she is not happy and she is 50/50 about the relationship. She has also, said that it's either this or we can end the relationship really cold.

she text me this afternoon saying come round but don't stay the night and we had a pretty good night laighing and joking and she is just fucking with my head now and feelings.

I tried to approach her on this while we was cuddling when she said you have to go soon and I said this is just tormenting me now and it's game playing.

Her response was I am going to pretend I didn't hear ypu say that and then said we have a good time and it goes back to this but I just want us to work out and cut the fuckimg bollox it's really tearing me up.

What can I do.this power playing shit I don't want to do that I just want to sort all the crap out its killing me inside.

First- What does she want changed?

Second- about the last statement,

You could've easily said you weren't going to come then, since you weren't spending the night. You should really learn how to call her bluffs.

"she text me this afternoon saying come round but don't stay the night and we had a pretty good night laughing and joking and she is just fucking with my head now and feelings.

I tried to approach her on this while we was cuddling when she said you have to go soon and I said this is just tormenting me now and it's game playing."

I see you're back to your neediness huh? 🙃

If you quit acting like that, she will quit behaving like this. She's just trying to get her way because you're insecure and needy and she knows she has the chance to. You're right, she is playing a game with you.

How quickly you forgot the upper hand you had when you weren't being needy and were just acting normal.

Dude, you really need to get a backbone and quit questioning everything.

I'm not sure why you can be so direct with how you feel, but not direct in telling her to quit the bullshit.

Sorry if this offers no proper advice for you

My biggest worry the reason why I am finding it hard is because I want to settle down properly and deep down I don't think I will ever find another person like her she has a few flaws but deep down is a great person and I would hate to loose her.
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You have to let go of this idea. It's keeping your insecurities in the forefront of your relationship. Stand up for yourself and don't let her treat you like a doormat and you won't lose her, you will have her instead. She's gonna drive you crazy like this!

AND she's gonna do it while not letting you go and continuing to draw you back just to keep playing.
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LadyNeptune
@LadyNeptune
10 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 11076 · Posts: 35718 · Topics: 110
You are part of the problem.

She has asked you to change some things about yourself, including your finances, before the relationship can progress. You have not made those changes.

You've promised to, but haven't followed through.

You have these talks and placate her with more empty promises and then come back here to bitch and moan when she once again starts to withdraw and tell you how unsatisfied she is.

So we will read about it next week I guess.
Profile picture of LadyNeptune
LadyNeptune
@LadyNeptune
10 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 11076 · Posts: 35718 · Topics: 110
You are part of the problem.

She has asked you to change some things about yourself, including your finances, before the relationship can progress. You have not made those changes.

You've promised to, but haven't followed through.

You have these talks and placate her with more empty promises and then come back here to bitch and moan when she once again starts to withdraw and tell you how unsatisfied she is.

So we will read about it next week I guess.