Thoughts on Virgo dilema

Thanks in advance for any advice.

So Virgo and I were together for 13 years. Solid relationship, we really thought we’d be together forever. He is 39, I’m 6 yrs younger.

I suffer from depression. For a while I kept it hidden from everyone, but two years ago I couldn’t take it anymore. I was too embarrassed to have friends/family/him see me like that, so I left my life behind to try to take care of myself.

During that time I was away we talked every day. For almost two years when I was at my worst, like the true Virgo he is, he helped me and supported me... One day in the heat of the moment I let him go. I was feeling horrible for having him in stand by waiting for me to return home. Depression isn’t just a snap of a fingers kinda thing. He would see my good weeks and assumed I was cured, i should come home. But I was not ready.

He wants kids and a family, he’s not getting any younger, and right now I’m not fit for any of that. We talk all the time. Never really officially broke up, it was just kinda understood he was free to do as he pleased. First couple time he even went on a dates we talked about it, that’s how close we are.

Now problem is... the last couple months he started dating someone new. And I think he is finally moving on. We don’t talk as much. Share a few memes at best. I’m letting him be because I know he might be able to have a future with this new person and I don’t want to interfere. But at the same time I miss my best friend. After 13 years it’s like family.

I can imagine he’s forgotten about me, but sure does feel like. I read once a Virgo moves on it’s pretty much over, new chapter for them.

If I want to keep even a bit of contact with him, what do you advice? Or is he gone forever?

Thanks x

maybe try to still maintain contact but emphasize it's only on a friendly capacity

what's your sun and moon?

As a Virgo, he won't do it. You're going to have to accept that. We give all we have. Be it great or small at the time. If taken for granted or friend zoned that's pretty much the end of the chapter unless you and he hadn't slept together. If you never had sex there's a great chance that you can be friends.

I’m a Sagittarius/Leo moon. The stereotype of incompatibility between Virgo/Sag not 100% true in our case. We had 13 yrs of the best relationship, could have gone longer, I just had some darkness to deal with and didn’t want to have him be involved.

Give him space, that the best thing you can do for both of you. Allow him to explore this new date. After a while, when you are in a better place and mindset, you can contact him again and explain/write something from the heart in a friendship way. He'll appreciate that in the long run. My experience with Virgo men is: if they fully moved on, they wont respond or even block you. If you are still able to communicate with them, you still matter to them.

I dated a Virgo man 16 years ago, things didnt work out as we had hoped, some ugly words had been said. We took a break for a year, after that, we picked up communication again and we both decided we want friendship cause we couldnt imagine a life without that. My ex husband is also Virgo and he blocked me, same as my ex bf, 3rd, Virgo... they moved on. Which is fine.

So, for now, work on your own health, get in a good place mindwise and when you are ready, write him.

What's his moon?

Posted by Aua

Thanks in advance for any advice.

So Virgo and I were together for 13 years. Solid relationship, we really thought we’d be together forever. He is 39, I’m 6 yrs younger.

I suffer from depression. For a while I kept it hidden from everyone, but two years ago I couldn’t take it anymore. I was too embarrassed to have friends/family/him see me like that, so I left my life behind to try to take care of myself.

During that time I was away we talked every day. For almost two years when I was at my worst, like the true Virgo he is, he helped me and supported me... One day in the heat of the moment I let him go. I was feeling horrible for having him in stand by waiting for me to return home. Depression isn’t just a snap of a fingers kinda thing. He would see my good weeks and assumed I was cured, i should come home. But I was not ready.

He wants kids and a family, he’s not getting any younger, and right now I’m not fit for any of that. We talk all the time. Never really officially broke up, it was just kinda understood he was free to do as he pleased. First couple time he even went on a dates we talked about it, that’s how close we are.

Now problem is... the last couple months he started dating someone new. And I think he is finally moving on. We don’t talk as much. Share a few memes at best. I’m letting him be because I know he might be able to have a future with this new person and I don’t want to interfere. But at the same time I miss my best friend. After 13 years it’s like family.

I can imagine he’s forgotten about me, but sure does feel like. I read once a Virgo moves on it’s pretty much over, new chapter for them.

If I want to keep even a bit of contact with him, what do you advice? Or is he gone forever?

Thanks x

Hold up. You are going about all of this the wrong way. No, this honestly sounds all wrong. How could a Leo anything, let alone Leo moon, be ok with someone else dating their long time serious s/o?

And you seem more broken up over losing him in general then as a s/o.

What is the source of your depression? What is going on with you that OS so bad you would not only give him up but give him up to someone else?

Edit: You know my ex had issues. I'll give you the short super sugar coded version lol.

I blindly supported her to the point of even appeasing her "demons". In hindsight that was a mistake and made it worse. Yes I am a Virgo. There is such a thang as too helpful lol. Enabling.

Had I had proper boundaries like a healthy does she would have stepped up before it go too bad or we would have broken up. I gave her no boundaries and she got worse. I was weak then from my own issues. Blind support isn't what she needed. She personally needed a partner strong enough to call her out on her shit.

To be fair on her side she obviously didn't actually care enough about me or the relationship to do what she needed to change these things on her own either. So she spiraled out of control.

You can generalize this and say there was some incompatibly there because there was not the right kind of support that is needed to combat this that you see in healthy relationships. Whether it was because of personal disfunction or a general incompatibility, is beside the point. It didn't work for a reason

To the heart of the matter. Something I'm very familiar with.

Depression originated not from "demons or darkness" but from some ones life not being what they actually want and issues with ones self not being who you actually are. This mismatch causes depression over time. A internal sadness that traps you in it by robbing you of the will power and energy to do the things to dispell it. This intern makes you more depressed. Over time your brain gets use to it and it becomes part of you and your ego. You become your own worst enemy.

At the same time, underneath all of that depression there is the real you that knows exactly what is wrong and what you actually want but you suppress it because exploring this causes you pain. That is what makes it such a effective trap. If you want out of this depression, you can dive deep past the pain to the truth of why you feel this way. A good way to do this is writing everything that you say or feel as you do this. This way you can review if later to understand yourself better.

After that you will have to Let go of any part of yourself that is preventing you from doing what you need to rebuild yourself.

What gets me about what you personally said is , For you to walk away from him after that kind of relationship and your life in general, it implies it wasn't actually what you wanted or at least not with him that way. If either of those things were not true you would have handled things differently. From what you said and how you reacted, My gut tells me you have been just going with the flow that doesn't actually match you and have been lieing to yourself about and suppressing this wrongness for a long time.

Sounds like long term your not compatible. He wants to have kids soon. Your more focused on getting your head right.

It'll be up to him whether he maintains the friendship. But I'd imagine after he gets serious with someone, married, starts having kids, he's not going to be as present.

"I’m letting him be because I know he might be able to have a future with this new person and I don’t want to interfere. But at the same time I miss my best friend."

You did well by allowing him to build the future you could not give him. He must be busy now, working on it. It also depends on how jealous or tolerant his new SO is.

I would suggest to put your time into another relationship for the time being, perhaps with a female friend that could give you the emotional support you need.

Thanks for the replies. The whole thing is not so black and white, like with everything there is layers. We had an awesome relationship, continue to do so. We talk regularly, although we’ve started to feel the relationship changing.

I never felt like a burden. I’m just very pragmatic. And maybe a bit proud. Like a true Sag I ran away and started a new life on another country, I was too embarrassed for friend and family to see me struggling.

I love him, so no better act of selflessness than to let him go be happy. He waited enough for me (1 1/2) and I’m still struggling. I know we will forever be best friends and who maybe down the line we’ll reconnect romantically.

I just don’t want to lose our friendship or make it awkward.

Posted by Aua

I never felt like a burden. I’m just very pragmatic. And maybe a bit proud. Like a true Sag I ran away and started a new life on another country, I was too embarrassed for friend and family to see me struggling.

I love him, so no better act of selflessness than to let him go be happy. He waited enough for me (1 1/2) and I’m still struggling. I know we will forever be best friends and who maybe down the line we’ll reconnect romantically.

I just don’t want to lose our friendship or make it awkward.

I hope you didn't swap countries just to hide from family and friends, but also to get the best therapy for your depression! The ego is our worst enemy sometimes. There is nothing wrong with showing your vulnerable side to people you trust. This is what trust is for!

Posted by Aua

Thanks in advance for any advice.

So Virgo and I were together for 13 years. Solid relationship, we really thought we’d be together forever. He is 39, I’m 6 yrs younger.

I suffer from depression. For a while I kept it hidden from everyone, but two years ago I couldn’t take it anymore. I was too embarrassed to have friends/family/him see me like that, so I left my life behind to try to take care of myself.

During that time I was away we talked every day. For almost two years when I was at my worst, like the true Virgo he is, he helped me and supported me... One day in the heat of the moment I let him go. I was feeling horrible for having him in stand by waiting for me to return home. Depression isn’t just a snap of a fingers kinda thing. He would see my good weeks and assumed I was cured, i should come home. But I was not ready.

He wants kids and a family, he’s not getting any younger, and right now I’m not fit for any of that. We talk all the time. Never really officially broke up, it was just kinda understood he was free to do as he pleased. First couple time he even went on a dates we talked about it, that’s how close we are.

Now problem is... the last couple months he started dating someone new. And I think he is finally moving on. We don’t talk as much. Share a few memes at best. I’m letting him be because I know he might be able to have a future with this new person and I don’t want to interfere. But at the same time I miss my best friend. After 13 years it’s like family.

I can imagine he’s forgotten about me, but sure does feel like. I read once a Virgo moves on it’s pretty much over, new chapter for them.

If I want to keep even a bit of contact with him, what do you advice? Or is he gone forever?

Thanks x

I think you should let the guy be happy and respect their new relationship and just focus on working on yourself.

This.



If it weren't his idea, if he was still around all of that time, why initiate space?

Posted by lavaliquid1

Im thinking why didnt you want to be burden on him? That would have been the true test. To see if he hangs in there thick and thin. Why did you run away?

Were there any other issues in the relationship prior to the space?

Just be upfront and ask him if he has moved on. Don't wonder.

There were no problems, other than he wanted to move on to the next chapter of our life ( house, kids...) and I was dealing with my stuff. I was too embarrassed to let anyone know. I know I fcked up there, but that’s on me. I know he would have stayed to help, in fact for the first year when I moved away he was there everyday every hr.

I know he’s moved on. He is moving in with his new gf. I’m happy for him. I’m also sad, but it was my decision.

I just don’t want to lose his friendship. After 13 years he is family.