Gemini real hot and cold

This man who has been my friend for over 8 years confessed he likes me.

We get along great, have a good friendship. Three months ago we hooked up for the first time and since things obviously have changed between us. I know for a fact that right now he can't commit to a relationship and why that is. But that's where I get really confused.

We see each other 1 or 2 times a week, we have gone on a short trip together for a couple of days and he fantasizes out loud about future stuff with me included.

He says he made the choice to let me be free in whatever with whoever I do but he mentioned not liking it if I were to meet someone else.

He quite often makes jokes about how we should be defining our relationship soon, how he already has got more pictures with me than he ever had with his ex. How he likes to be around me and likes the fact we can just be together, do nothing and have fun and laugh. He always wants to stay the night, we don't have sex every single time we're together. Like, he is great. But then he pushes me away again and again.

I am not sure what to do, I want to be with him and I am not pressuring him I think. However I did make it clear to him if he would sleep with another woman I walk away BUT he can do whatever with whoever.

How do I ignore his comments about DTR mixed with his cold behavior and cope with my feelings for him when he does this?

"I’d like to know the circumstance that he is supposedly unable to commit to a relationship with you right now? That to me looks like a big red flag right off the bat"

This ^^

If you're not into his behavior just galop on to the next

"He says he made the choice to let me be free in whatever with whoever I do but he mentioned not liking it if I were to meet someone else."

How magnanimous of him 🙄

Why commit to a relationship when you can come over to her house a few times a week to fuck, go on fun trips, and still keep things unlabeled so you can fuck other people. Seems like a win win.

Usually for this kind of 'girlfriend experience' it would cost an hourly rate. But he gets it for free with you.

Normally I'd say its only been 3months, 1-2 xs a week aka 12-24 hangouts. Its early days. But thats not your situation, you have been friends for 8 years. He knows enough about you to know whether he sees anything longterm.

So the fact he is saying no to a relationship with you means you are a bench warmer until he meets the woman he will commit to. Nothing wrong with that... just don't act confused at him being 'hot and cold' when he has laid it out for you.

If you want a relationship then you need to stop wasting your time and energy on men who tell you point blank they don't want one.

Posted by LadyNeptune

Normally I'd say its only been 3months, 1-2 xs a week aka 12-24 hangouts. Its early days. But thats not your situation, you have been friends for 8 years. He knows enough about you to know whether he sees anything longterm.

So the fact he is saying no to a relationship with you means you are a bench warmer until he meets the woman he will commit to. Nothing wrong with that... just don't act confused at him being 'hot and cold' when he has laid it out for you.

If you want a relationship then you need to stop wasting your time and energy on men who tell you point blank they don't want one.

Thanks! Much wiser

Posted by geminiflyby

"I’d like to know the circumstance that he is supposedly unable to commit to a relationship with you right now? That to me looks like a big red flag right off the bat"

This ^^

He has a daughter from almost 2, from his last relationship and is in constant arguments with that woman for over half a year trying to be able to have more time with her but she is holdig that all back, he is in contact with a lawyer to protest against her. She tried to talk bad about his family to him and about him to his family etc. He had to move back to his parents which at 36 is not cool. He has a lot of things he wants to settle and sort first. I have met his daughter too.

Is what he says then. I honestly get where you are coming from telling me to believe what he says to me about not being ready to commit and therefore 'allowing' me to do whatever with whoever, I just can't date multiple men because I do not have the time and mental space for that. And I try, but as I said how do I cope with my feelings towards him? If we'd put an end to it we will both miss eachother and it will be uncertain if we can go back to being friends honestly.

So I either continue with him or cut ties, and he is making it impossible for me to make up my mind.

Posted by Galoppig

Is what he says then. I honestly get where you are coming from telling me to believe what he says to me about not being ready to commit and therefore 'allowing' me to do whatever with whoever, I just can't date multiple men because I do not have the time and mental space for that. And I try, but as I said how do I cope with my feelings towards him? If we'd put an end to it we will both miss eachother and it will be uncertain if we can go back to being friends honestly.

So I either continue with him or cut ties, and he is making it impossible for me to make up my mind.

I'm not understanding what his child custody issues have to do with him being unable to commit to you. His problems don't stop him from seeing and sleeping with you regularly, taking trips, and having a gf/bf relationship in everyway that matters except for the label. He even brings his kid around you!

Him using his kid as an excuse to not commit to you while having no issues using you and taking everything you are willing to give... suss. And its not even a good excuse at that.

I think he may still have feelings for her, and heartbreak from the fact he can't be with her ever again but hoped to raise a child with two parents whom would love each other. Honestly thank you for your insight! I see more clearly now.

Posted by Galoppig

Posted by geminiflyby

"I’d like to know the circumstance that he is supposedly unable to commit to a relationship with you right now? That to me looks like a big red flag right off the bat"

This ^^

He has a daughter from almost 2, from his last relationship and is in constant arguments with that woman for over half a year trying to be able to have more time with her but she is holdig that all back, he is in contact with a lawyer to protest against her. She tried to talk bad about his family to him and about him to his family etc. He had to move back to his parents which at 36 is not cool. He has a lot of things he wants to settle and sort first. I have met his daughter too.

click to expand

How he got his daughter meeting a FWB?

Think about that.

I wouldn’t be upset with him moving back home as a lot of people will be making tough decisions in the future

This is exhausting really. He got you involved with his baby mama drama and you are invested in it and he’s not even invested in you

Posted by Galoppig

Is what he says then. I honestly get where you are coming from telling me to believe what he says to me about not being ready to commit and therefore 'allowing' me to do whatever with whoever, I just can't date multiple men because I do not have the time and mental space for that. And I try, but as I said how do I cope with my feelings towards him? If we'd put an end to it we will both miss eachother and it will be uncertain if we can go back to being friends honestly.

So I either continue with him or cut ties, and he is making it impossible for me to make up my mind.

Take some responsibility and ground yourself.

Emotionally detach

He isn’t making it impossible, you are doing that to yourself

Get some boundaries.

Yeah, we Gems are clingy af when we are committed. It's getting to the commitment stage is where things are crazy.

He sounds like he's playing games with that relationship talk but that's all it is, fantasy and playing. Unfortunately, you're in the middle of all of it and want to move onto something real. Cut him loose, sister. If he really wants something with you, let him come get it.

The whole 8 year friendship is confusing to me though because he should have had more respect for you going into it. It wasn't like he was some random stranger. That kinda makes it worse for me. Now you could be losing him as a friend, too.

Posted by DMV

Posted by Galoppig

Is what he says then. I honestly get where you are coming from telling me to believe what he says to me about not being ready to commit and therefore 'allowing' me to do whatever with whoever, I just can't date multiple men because I do not have the time and mental space for that. And I try, but as I said how do I cope with my feelings towards him? If we'd put an end to it we will both miss eachother and it will be uncertain if we can go back to being friends honestly.

So I either continue with him or cut ties, and he is making it impossible for me to make up my mind.

Take some responsibility and ground yourself.

Emotionally detach

He isn’t making it impossible, you are doing that to yourself

Get some boundaries.

click to expand

@DMV is spot on about the boundaries. If we don't know where they are, we will continue to push until we find them. Be true to yourself and set them. If he wants something real with you, he'll adjust his behaviour. Right now, everything serves him, so why should he change?

Posted by DMV

Posted by Galoppig

Posted by geminiflyby

"I’d like to know the circumstance that he is supposedly unable to commit to a relationship with you right now? That to me looks like a big red flag right off the bat"

This ^^

He has a daughter from almost 2, from his last relationship and is in constant arguments with that woman for over half a year trying to be able to have more time with her but she is holdig that all back, he is in contact with a lawyer to protest against her. She tried to talk bad about his family to him and about him to his family etc. He had to move back to his parents which at 36 is not cool. He has a lot of things he wants to settle and sort first. I have met his daughter too.

How he got his daughter meeting a FWB?

Think about that.

I wouldn’t be upset with him moving back home as a lot of people will be making tough decisions in the future

This is exhausting really. He got you involved with his baby mama drama and you are invested in it and he’s not even invested in you

click to expand

Yeah that was my first thought. Of course baby moms is mad especially if she knows he is exposing her toddler to randos. I wonder if he is doing what he needs to do as far as supporting his kid or if he is one of these dead beat dads who take work under the table and move in with parents to avoid paying child support because they can prove on paper they have no income.

I bet if we had his ex in here to tell her side of things it would sound a bit different then his version of events.

Not many man can manage being a dad, an ex and in a relationship

Something has to give

Hopefully it’s not the child/children

Posted by Galoppig

Posted by geminiflyby

"I’d like to know the circumstance that he is supposedly unable to commit to a relationship with you right now? That to me looks like a big red flag right off the bat"

This ^^

He has a daughter from almost 2, from his last relationship and is in constant arguments with that woman for over half a year trying to be able to have more time with her but she is holdig that all back, he is in contact with a lawyer to protest against her. She tried to talk bad about his family to him and about him to his family etc. He had to move back to his parents which at 36 is not cool. He has a lot of things he wants to settle and sort first. I have met his daughter too.

click to expand

This the reason for the "hot and cold." The is a male/masculine thing. When I'm overwhelmed I have done and doing the same thing. Unlike you however she is successfully moving on. Anyway back to you.



Again total male mentality thing. You known each other for 8 years. YOU BOTH KNOW EACH OTHER AND WHAT'S UP.

He isn't able to focus properly. May even be carrying self doubt about being enough for you with all of this going on.

Try having a open conversation and straight ask him if he has doubts about having energy for a serious relationship with you.

Op, I want to say that I didn’t mean to call you a FWB as a disrespectful thing. That’s not my intentions.

But like others have said, this man is supposed to be a friend and this is the lane he carved out for you.

Demand more of him

Posted by DMV

Posted by Galoppig

Posted by geminiflyby

"I’d like to know the circumstance that he is supposedly unable to commit to a relationship with you right now? That to me looks like a big red flag right off the bat"

This ^^

He has a daughter from almost 2, from his last relationship and is in constant arguments with that woman for over half a year trying to be able to have more time with her but she is holdig that all back, he is in contact with a lawyer to protest against her. She tried to talk bad about his family to him and about him to his family etc. He had to move back to his parents which at 36 is not cool. He has a lot of things he wants to settle and sort first. I have met his daughter too.

How he got his daughter meeting a FWB?

Think about that.

I wouldn’t be upset with him moving back home as a lot of people will be making tough decisions in the future

This is exhausting really. He got you involved with his baby mama drama and you are invested in it and he’s not even invested in you

click to expand

You got some pretty solid advice from various women here. I quoted DMV because her comment compliments what I will try to say here. Maybe it's because we are both Fire signs, so we share the same wavelength.

As someone who had her hardships, I came to the realisation that we, women tend to shape and mold ourselves into a piece that will complete a man's puzzle, sacrificing ourselves fully in the process. It's always about them and their problems as a justification for their poor behaviour towards us. Our life, our thoughts and emotions are overlooked not only by them, but by ourselves. And that's our own fault.

What I am trying to say is, what's in it for you? What do you need vs. what are you getting? You have feelings for a certain man and want a relationship with him. You need that. And what are you getting? Someone who has issues in their life and is unable to commit to you. And what's the result? You being emotionally distressed. Men will never put a woman's suffering above their problems. That's our job.

I know that love is a magical thing that wipes out all barriers, it truly is. But the love we need is sometimes not the love we receive, no matter how many barriers we destroy trying to get it.

I will end with this - you were friends first, friends have regards for each other's feelings.

Posted by GenericUsername

Posted by DMV

Posted by Galoppig

Posted by geminiflyby

"I’d like to know the circumstance that he is supposedly unable to commit to a relationship with you right now? That to me looks like a big red flag right off the bat"

This ^^

He has a daughter from almost 2, from his last relationship and is in constant arguments with that woman for over half a year trying to be able to have more time with her but she is holdig that all back, he is in contact with a lawyer to protest against her. She tried to talk bad about his family to him and about him to his family etc. He had to move back to his parents which at 36 is not cool. He has a lot of things he wants to settle and sort first. I have met his daughter too.

How he got his daughter meeting a FWB?

Think about that.

I wouldn’t be upset with him moving back home as a lot of people will be making tough decisions in the future

This is exhausting really. He got you involved with his baby mama drama and you are invested in it and he’s not even invested in you

You got some pretty solid advice from various women here. I quoted DMV because her comment compliments what I will try to say here. Maybe it's because we are both Fire signs, so we share the same wavelength.

As someone who had her hardships, I came to the realisation that we, women tend to shape and mold ourselves into a piece that will complete a man's puzzle, sacrificing ourselves fully in the process. It's always about them and their problems as a justification for their poor behaviour towards us. Our life, our thoughts and emotions are overlooked not only by them, but by ourselves. And that's our own fault.

What I am trying to say is, what's in it for you? What do you need vs. what are you getting? You have feelings for a certain man and want a relationship with him. You need that. And what are you getting? Someone who has issues in their life and is unable to commit to you. And what's the result? You being emotionally distressed. Men will never put a woman's suffering above their problems. That's our job.

I know that love is a magical thing that wipes out all barriers, it truly is. But the love we need is sometimes not the love we receive, no matter how many barriers we destroy trying to get it.

I will end with this - you were friends first, friends have regards for each other's feelings.

click to expand

Yes I agree. 💯

Women are far too accommodating to men, especially in the dating phase.

Women are the prize. Yes men are special too but the dynamics work when women are the prize.

Think of yourself as a prize.

Is he a prize? Seriously.

If he was into you, you would never feel an ounce of confusion

Posted by kachi_cake

Posted by DMV

Op, I want to say that I didn’t mean to call you a FWB as a disrespectful thing. That’s not my intentions.

But like others have said, this man is supposed to be a friend and this is the lane he carved out for you.

Demand more of him

A FWB is how he sees her. A friend with good benefits.

There's nothing wrong with that except if it isn't mutual and you want something more.

Sometimes, as hard as it is to admit, other people's input aren't completely invalid.

It's worse when she considers him a good friend for 8 years but it seems that, he takes advantage of this and does whatever he wants with her. She allows his behavior because she's caught up in the idea and her own feelings.

Knowing how and what role you play in someone's life is part of self-awareness.

It's not that he lacks awareness of her feelings, he's completely aware and I doubt demanding anything will change a thing. They're already in the midst of the relationship and he has other things going on. If anything, he'll respond crudely.

click to expand

Agreed.

Demand more from suitors

So true the self awareness thing.

People show you what box they’ve put you in

Lmao what's wrong with most of the woman here?

We don't catch you unless you let us... period.

You have always been in control.

You want a man your dating to "accommodate" your needs and desires speak up.

Secondly, you all talk as if they just started dating. They have known each other for 8 YEARS. Relationships that start out this way Have their own set of rules and challenges. Your adding in another dimension to a already existing relationship.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts everyone. I am going to take some time off of him and decide whether or not I want to continue doing whatever it is we're doing now. And if I feel like continuing with him, and having a convesation about this situationship I will talk to him. Otherwise I don't think I should even try to talk with him about this. Since he has a lot going on.. yea.

Posted by Galoppig
Thanks for sharing your thoughts everyone. I am going to take some time off of him and decide whether or not I want to continue doing whatever it is we're doing now. And if I feel like continuing with him, and having a convesation about this situationship I will talk to him. Otherwise I don't think I should even try to talk with him about this. Since he has a lot going on.. yea.

This is an interesting thread...Geminis are confusing... I wonder if there are any changes since then?

Posted by TxOgal

Posted by Galoppig
Thanks for sharing your thoughts everyone. I am going to take some time off of him and decide whether or not I want to continue doing whatever it is we're doing now. And if I feel like continuing with him, and having a convesation about this situationship I will talk to him. Otherwise I don't think I should even try to talk with him about this. Since he has a lot going on.. yea.

This is an interesting thread...Geminis are confusing... I wonder if there are any changes since then?

click to expand

Not really, I found love with someone else. Gemini had too much going on and quite recently actually he texted me saying he misses me but still was not ready, after MONTHS of no contact. I can laugh about it now, but he honestly treated me like shit! You know I tried to be there for him and support him but he pushed me away, so I took my dignity and ran and was lucky to run right in to the arms of a very loving and warm man.

Posted by Galoppig

Posted by TxOgal

Posted by Galoppig
Thanks for sharing your thoughts everyone. I am going to take some time off of him and decide whether or not I want to continue doing whatever it is we're doing now. And if I feel like continuing with him, and having a convesation about this situationship I will talk to him. Otherwise I don't think I should even try to talk with him about this. Since he has a lot going on.. yea.

This is an interesting thread...Geminis are confusing... I wonder if there are any changes since then?
click to expand

Not really, I found love with someone else. Gemini had too much going on and quite recently actually he texted me saying he misses me but still was not ready, after MONTHS of no contact. I can laugh about it now, but he honestly treated me like shit! You know I tried to be there for him and support him but he pushed me away, so I took my dignity and ran and was lucky to run right in to the arms of a very loving and warm man.

click to expand

Well you gave him his chances and you definitely deserved better 🙂 I'm happy you found a good man! all the best x

Posted by Galoppig

Posted by TxOgal

Posted by Galoppig
Thanks for sharing your thoughts everyone. I am going to take some time off of him and decide whether or not I want to continue doing whatever it is we're doing now. And if I feel like continuing with him, and having a convesation about this situationship I will talk to him. Otherwise I don't think I should even try to talk with him about this. Since he has a lot going on.. yea.

This is an interesting thread...Geminis are confusing... I wonder if there are any changes since then?
click to expand

Not really, I found love with someone else. Gemini had too much going on and quite recently actually he texted me saying he misses me but still was not ready, after MONTHS of no contact. I can laugh about it now, but he honestly treated me like shit! You know I tried to be there for him and support him but he pushed me away, so I took my dignity and ran and was lucky to run right in to the arms of a very loving and warm man.

click to expand

I read everything and trust me, he only wanted to sleep with you and keep you as booty call. I'm happy you found a man who treats you the way you deserve to be treated ❤️ Congrats on happy ending!

Posted by DragonSag

Posted by MonaLisa26

Posted by TxOgal

Posted by Galoppig
Thanks for sharing your thoughts everyone. I am going to take some time off of him and decide whether or not I want to continue doing whatever it is we're doing now. And if I feel like continuing with him, and having a convesation about this situationship I will talk to him. Otherwise I don't think I should even try to talk with him about this. Since he has a lot going on.. yea.

This is an interesting thread...Geminis are confusing... I wonder if there are any changes since then?
click to expand

Gemini men are TRASH!

They are ok if they want something from a woman like green card…or being boy toy or submissive.

It was perfectly described how he is screaming about future with her unable to commit shit! Talk talk talk.

They are nothing like Gemini women.

Gem Men are Shane if a zodiac!

And no. I never dated one. I can not stand near them. Oops. Lying. One I loved - he was born on same day as I was but he happened to be a democrat so fuck him! And FJB…

You keep saying that yet I keep seeing different irl. They're far away from trash but they are seriously a lot to take. One has to really have guts for all that talk and pretentiousness coming from them...but those who do are loved, spoiled and cherished their entire lives. I know 3 of them who adore their wives and spoil them in every possible way. But their wives are 1 Gem and 2 Sags. I really don't think they're suitable for any other sign women cause nobody can stand to live with them for too long. 2 out of these three I can't stand either and never get what these women saw in them but fact is they really adore them. Also they have no gains from their wives, it's the opposite, they provided for most of the times cause wives didn't work. Anyway, I don't think they're that bad but they are very hard to understand and handle. They are like you either vibe really well with them or you can't stand them. They know everything and they're best at everything. If you love their ego and their stories they will love you to death. That is ofc unless you're not boring to them and they find you very attractive. Only non clingy women can deal with them. I do agree that Gemini women are way better in every way

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She has a leo moon. First of all. A Gemini man with nearly her placements will probably be best for her. Taking gemini into consideration here. Take a Gemini like me for example who has zero fire and a Democrat. It's highly likely I'll give her the stank face in real life because for one she talks too much. And I wouldn't believe her if she say she's quiet in real life who dont go around laughing at every passing man on the sidewalk just walking minding his own business and gossiping about every little thing with a fucked up fiery chart like hers. And besides, tell me. What handsome Gemini man or mans plural who go for democratic party with no fire want with a talkative lady that can't keep their mouths shut? Don't you think that will embarrass an introverted Gemini man?

Posted by GeminiJim
You're never going to understand a Gemini

Hot and cold IS Gemini

Making future plans is fun to us. Doesn't mean we're actually going to do them. By the time it gets around to actually doing them we have prob moved onto another idea

It's the ideas that we like

Your mistake is giving him any option. If we have choices and options then we will choose both.

💯

Posted by DragonSag

Posted by Jumpin_Jupiter

Posted by DragonSag

Posted by MonaLisa26

Posted by TxOgal

Posted by Galoppig
Thanks for sharing your thoughts everyone. I am going to take some time off of him and decide whether or not I want to continue doing whatever it is we're doing now. And if I feel like continuing with him, and having a convesation about this situationship I will talk to him. Otherwise I don't think I should even try to talk with him about this. Since he has a lot going on.. yea.

This is an interesting thread...Geminis are confusing... I wonder if there are any changes since then?
click to expand

Gemini men are TRASH!

They are ok if they want something from a woman like green card…or being boy toy or submissive.

It was perfectly described how he is screaming about future with her unable to commit shit! Talk talk talk.

They are nothing like Gemini women.

Gem Men are Shane if a zodiac!

And no. I never dated one. I can not stand near them. Oops. Lying. One I loved - he was born on same day as I was but he happened to be a democrat so fuck him! And FJB…

You keep saying that yet I keep seeing different irl. They're far away from trash but they are seriously a lot to take. One has to really have guts for all that talk and pretentiousness coming from them...but those who do are loved, spoiled and cherished their entire lives. I know 3 of them who adore their wives and spoil them in every possible way. But their wives are 1 Gem and 2 Sags. I really don't think they're suitable for any other sign women cause nobody can stand to live with them for too long. 2 out of these three I can't stand either and never get what these women saw in them but fact is they really adore them. Also they have no gains from their wives, it's the opposite, they provided for most of the times cause wives didn't work. Anyway, I don't think they're that bad but they are very hard to understand and handle. They are like you either vibe really well with them or you can't stand them. They know everything and they're best at everything. If you love their ego and their stories they will love you to death. That is ofc unless you're not boring to them and they find you very attractive. Only non clingy women can deal with them. I do agree that Gemini women are way better in every way
click to expand

She has a leo moon. First of all. A Gemini man with nearly her placements will probably be best for her. Taking gemini into consideration here. Take a Gemini like me for example who has zero fire and a Democrat. It's highly likely I'll give her the stank face in real life because for one she talks too much. And I wouldn't believe her if she say she's quiet in real life who dont go around laughing at every passing man on the sidewalk just walking minding his own business and gossiping about every little thing with a fucked up fiery chart like hers. And besides, tell me. What handsome Gemini man or mans plural who go for democratic party with no fire want with a talkative lady that can't keep their mouths shut? Don't you think that will embarrass an introverted Gemini man?

That kind if Gemini man goes well only with very earthy or watery Gemini woman - which is exactly this one couple I mentioned above. She has Taurus Moon and Cancer Venus so she's quite introverted and doesn't talk much. She is my oldest friend btw that I still have contact with and I always found her easiest to talk with about anything. Her Gem husband is very similar to her (idk his chart, can't remember his exact birthday) but they are very balanced couple. I know one Gem with Leo Moon too, she's quite talkative irl but not gossipy or intrusive, probably cause she's very religious too. She's married to a Sag guy so it makes sense, her Moon and his Sun compliment each other.

I really think wast majority of people just don't understand Gem men because of the frequent mood shifts, variable behavior and neverending desire for freedom and just being themselves. I read somewhere description of Gem men as being Peter Pan their entire life. While I believe it was meant in negative connotation, I still would give it a positive one - Peter Pan is not a bad persona, it's mainly misunderstood because it stays young at heart and mind his whole life. To me that's the most valuable thing one can have in themselves but most people don't see it that way and believe you have to get all serious at some point in life. But what most don't understand is you can be serious about life and stay young and carefree in your mind at the same time. When I think of all married couples I know, those 3 I mentioned above are certainly happiest ones. Not to mention how caring and helpful literally every Gem men I ever met is! You don't even have to be close but you can rely on them, if they can help you with something - they will. That's just my observation so far.

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I don't know why but you Sagittarius women are always on point about Gemini men. I truly think this is why Gemini men and Sagittarius women are meant to be.

I think @gem03 need to pop over on this thread and read this fine description of Gemini men.