Bull-ish
@Boots1313
7 Years1,000+ Posts
Comments: 2429 · Posts: 2637 · Topics: 65
How to let go of expectation?
Disappoint their standard for you in turn. Even Steven
Posted by LadyNeptuneThat's one way to look at it.
Disappoint their standard for you in turn. Even Steven
Totally didn't "expect" that
Posted by WarAngel1
I like to be held up to a certain standard, and I expect to have standards in her. If one of us lips the other one should tell.
No one is perfect, but we should all have some kind of expectations for my partner.
True to an extent. I'm talking about expectations that are ridiculious and irrational for example: expecting them to bring you lunch on their day off when you know they have no plans or expecting them to send you a text every morning at the same time daily.
BTW none of the above is me...just examples of what I'm talking about
Posted by Boots1313Wouldn’t be able to live up to those expectations anyways. Might as well rip the bandaid off right away.Posted by LadyNeptune
Disappoint their standard for you in turn. Even Steven
That's one way to look at it.
Totally didn't "expect" that click to expandclick to expand
My experiences have taught me to expect very little from ppl and there have been times when some ppl have shocked me.
And what bout his expectations? If you expect certain things from him, then he can also expect the same things from you? Can you fulfill them? if you can't then its really not fair to him. Just imagine the tables switching and how you would feel.
Posted by Boots1313Why give up to the beautiful, irrational absurd things in life?Posted by WarAngel1True to an extent. I'm talking about expectations that are ridiculious and irrational for example: expecting them to bring you lunch on their day off when you know they have no plans or expecting them to send you a text every morning at the same time daily.
I like to be held up to a certain standard, and I expect to have standards in her. If one of us lips the other one should tell.
No one is perfect, but we should all have some kind of expectations for my partner.
BTW none of the above is me...just examples of what I'm talking about click to expandclick to expand
Find someone that is ready to serve you, has OCD and a dozen of inferiority complexes, and then give him a list of things you expect him to do, how often, how and when exactly. Bliss!
Posted by Squishy_Marshmallow
Be the best that you possible can be so he would want to be the best for you.
We work on ourself so others start to better themself around us.
I've been trying this lately. Really working on myself.
I'll be honest I didn't give myself time to heal after a bad relationship and now I have all these expectations, baggage and this fight instinct. (I never fought for myself in my past relationship ) and in my new one I can't seem to keep my mouth shut, I just can't be placid like in the past.
The guy I'm with now is great. Honestly he does everything right and I have no complaints, I just seem to make up ridiculous sceneries and wants in my mind and then when he doesn't do them I snap.
Half the time he just calls me out on it and I apologize but it's just been happening so often and I know I sound crazy and irrational.
i think you have to understand why you have the expectations that you do and what they are fulfilling.
eg expecting them to bring you lunch on their day off. is it because you want them to think of you when you are apart? Or spend all their spare time with you? is because you feel you don't spend enough time together? or perhaps you feel they aren't aware of your needs?
it's then a matter of trying to spend more time together or perhaps expressing yourself more where you can feel they get you. those expectations are often just a symptom of another feeling. once you address that feeling, the expectation will not seem that important anymore.
eg expecting them to bring you lunch on their day off. is it because you want them to think of you when you are apart? Or spend all their spare time with you? is because you feel you don't spend enough time together? or perhaps you feel they aren't aware of your needs?
it's then a matter of trying to spend more time together or perhaps expressing yourself more where you can feel they get you. those expectations are often just a symptom of another feeling. once you address that feeling, the expectation will not seem that important anymore.
Posted by tizianiIt is getting exhausting to be honest. Especially when I say it out loud and it just sounds so silly and petty.
The only way that worked for me is literally tiring myself out and just eventually wanting for a more simpler life.
Like in the examples you gave, yeah I had silent expectations a long time back, used to sulk and hold grudges, talking about when I was in my early twenties. I think I did this whether inside or outside of relationships.
Then I just realised, I'm kind of tired of doing things the long way around. It's just easier, simpler and takes less time to ask for what I want and get it from people who are happy to give it to me, and vice versa.
I've never been on to have expectations...just my own on myself not of others.
I'm making a conscious effort to just let go.
It's that or lose my relationship at this point.
We're both tired
Posted by jeaneIdk what the real reason would be.
i think you have to understand why you have the expectations that you do and what they are fulfilling.
eg expecting them to bring you lunch on their day off. is it because you want them to think of you when you are apart? Or spend all their spare time with you? is because you feel you don't spend enough time together? or perhaps you feel they aren't aware of your needs?
it's then a matter of trying to spend more time together or perhaps expressing yourself more where you can feel they get you. those expectations are often just a symptom of another feeling. once you address that feeling, the expectation will not seem that important anymore.
My guy really pursued me hard in the beginning and since he won me over its almost like he just stopped putting in the effort in some aspects.
I told him that and he said "flowers everyday and candle lot dinners once a week just isn't sustainable" (especially for the bank account) I guess I kindnofnmiss the initial wooing
But those efforts have switched to a more "real" standard.
Comfort, ubderstabding, openess...
But part of me is still a brat and thinks he's just going to show up with flowers just because.
I'm making myself laugh at how ridiculous I sound 😄
Focus on the must-haves, what you need in a relationship and how you see your self as a partner... visualize then write down the qualities of what you want in a partner. The right one will have most if not all those qualities. And I’m not talking superficial like a six-pack abs unless that’s super important to you. Think on what you didn’t like about your exes and write the opposite 😆
Posted by Boots1313Posted by jeane
i think you have to understand why you have the expectations that you do and what they are fulfilling.
eg expecting them to bring you lunch on their day off. is it because you want them to think of you when you are apart? Or spend all their spare time with you? is because you feel you don't spend enough time together? or perhaps you feel they aren't aware of your needs?
it's then a matter of trying to spend more time together or perhaps expressing yourself more where you can feel they get you. those expectations are often just a symptom of another feeling. once you address that feeling, the expectation will not seem that important anymore.
Idk what the real reason would be.
My guy really pursued me hard in the beginning and since he won me over its almost like he just stopped putting in the effort in some aspects.
I told him that and he said "flowers everyday and candle lot dinners once a week just isn't sustainable" (especially for the bank account) I guess I kindnofnmiss the initial wooing
But those efforts have switched to a more "real" standard.
Comfort, ubderstabding, openess...
But part of me is still a brat and thinks he's just going to show up with flowers just because.
I'm making myself laugh at how ridiculous I sound click to expandclick to expand
Yeah, that’s perfectly normal. Maybe surprise him with dinner or a treat and he’ll reciprocate. But you guys are in the bonding stage so that’s good... just little efforts to keep the attraction and romance alive. Does he hold the door open for you? Does he pay for every time you guys go out?
Posted by MoonbutterPosted by Boots1313Yeah, that’s perfectly normal. Maybe surprise him with dinner or a treat and he’ll reciprocate. But you guys are in the bonding stage so that’s good... just little efforts to keep the attraction and romance alive. Does he hold the door open for you? Does he pay for every time you guys go out? click to expandPosted by jeane
i think you have to understand why you have the expectations that you do and what they are fulfilling.
eg expecting them to bring you lunch on their day off. is it because you want them to think of you when you are apart? Or spend all their spare time with you? is because you feel you don't spend enough time together? or perhaps you feel they aren't aware of your needs?
it's then a matter of trying to spend more time together or perhaps expressing yourself more where you can feel they get you. those expectations are often just a symptom of another feeling. once you address that feeling, the expectation will not seem that important anymore.
Idk what the real reason would be.
My guy really pursued me hard in the beginning and since he won me over its almost like he just stopped putting in the effort in some aspects.
I told him that and he said "flowers everyday and candle lot dinners once a week just isn't sustainable" (especially for the bank account) I guess I kindnofnmiss the initial wooing
But those efforts have switched to a more "real" standard.
Comfort, ubderstabding, openess...
But part of me is still a brat and thinks he's just going to show up with flowers just because.
I'm making myself laugh at how ridiculous I sound click to expandclick to expand
I feel like I'm always doing nice little things for him. The other day he wanted me to come by and watch the basket ball game. I brought over with me a 6 pack of his favorite beer and some snacks.
This week I helped him do his laundry and dishes that were piling up.
He still gets the door and pays. He's always a gentleman in that sense.
Posted by Squishy_MarshmallowI agree I can grow and learn a lot in this relationship but I know I'm being difficult (I have never been difficult so it's really bothering and upsetting me). He told me the last fight we got in that I'm starting to push him away. "I want to make it work with you, but you are making it difficult"Posted by Boots1313Posted by Squishy_Marshmallow
Be the best that you possible can be so he would want to be the best for you.
We work on ourself so others start to better themself around us.
I've been trying this lately. Really working on myself.
I'll be honest I didn't give myself time to heal after a bad relationship and now I have all these expectations, baggage and this fight instinct. (I never fought for myself in my past relationship ) and in my new one I can't seem to keep my mouth shut, I just can't be placid like in the past.
The guy I'm with now is great. Honestly he does everything right and I have no complaints, I just seem to make up ridiculous sceneries and wants in my mind and then when he doesn't do them I snap.
Half the time he just calls me out on it and I apologize but it's just been happening so often and I know I sound crazy and irrational.
click to expand
It looks like he's a solid guy and you can learn from him. As long as you don't make it difficult for him I don't see why you won't grow as a person in this relationship.
Maybe think twice before expecting something from him? Just asking ourself if it's a fair expectation before you start to accuse him, and that will give you an understanding on your behavior.
And we all have our baggages and I don't see any counter to leave them behind or a timer that says we are ready for another relationship. Things happen on their own.
click to expandclick to expand
It was crushing to hear.
That's why I'm trying really hard right now.
Posted by Boots1313comfort, understanding and openness are important and you should probably communicate your feelings if you are sensing a real drop.Posted by jeane
i think you have to understand why you have the expectations that you do and what they are fulfilling.
eg expecting them to bring you lunch on their day off. is it because you want them to think of you when you are apart? Or spend all their spare time with you? is because you feel you don't spend enough time together? or perhaps you feel they aren't aware of your needs?
it's then a matter of trying to spend more time together or perhaps expressing yourself more where you can feel they get you. those expectations are often just a symptom of another feeling. once you address that feeling, the expectation will not seem that important anymore.
Idk what the real reason would be.
My guy really pursued me hard in the beginning and since he won me over its almost like he just stopped putting in the effort in some aspects.
I told him that and he said "flowers everyday and candle lot dinners once a week just isn't sustainable" (especially for the bank account) I guess I kindnofnmiss the initial wooing
But those efforts have switched to a more "real" standard.
Comfort, ubderstabding, openess...
But part of me is still a brat and thinks he's just going to show up with flowers just because.
I'm making myself laugh at how ridiculous I sound click to expandclick to expand
not to "victim blame" but are you feeling more sensitive to things as well? i know you had that chat that the l word was said too soon. are you now having reservations that perhaps he is pulling away? is that the case or could you be projecting your own baggage and triggers on him? have you had people in your life that are there one minute and then leave? have you experienced a time where you can't rely on others to stay? have you gone through a period where you've tried to hold someone's attention and failed?
i don't know the answers to any of this and i'm not suggesting this is the case but something perhaps for you to think about. he very well might be contributing to you feeling the way you do but are you contributing to it as well?
i know from my own experience the first few months of my relationship brought up a lot of stuff in my past i hadn't really dealt with. as a consequence my relationship became very tumultuous. when i got a better understanding of what in my background that made me sensitive to certain situations i was able to work past it.
are you perhaps testing him? trying to sabotage what you have in order to see how much he will put up with and how much he wants to be with you? if so, stop that. you may end up getting what you want.
the wonderful role in a good relationship is that it forces you grow past prior hurts. maybe this is your opportunity to do that.
and no one knows bulls like a bull, you guys get complacent! you do all the hard work, you've won someone over and then you settle back and enjoy the peace! but if you don't think he is as open or understanding, talk to him about it! there may be something going on with him that he is dealing with too.
Posted by Squishy_MarshmallowHe is a Taurus. We interlock horns a lot. I usually back down though. I love the way he speaks to me in a calm rational manner and how he really listens.Posted by Boots1313Posted by Squishy_MarshmallowPosted by Boots1313Posted by Squishy_Marshmallow
Be the best that you possible can be so he would want to be the best for you.
We work on ourself so others start to better themself around us.
I've been trying this lately. Really working on myself.
I'll be honest I didn't give myself time to heal after a bad relationship and now I have all these expectations, baggage and this fight instinct. (I never fought for myself in my past relationship ) and in my new one I can't seem to keep my mouth shut, I just can't be placid like in the past.
The guy I'm with now is great. Honestly he does everything right and I have no complaints, I just seem to make up ridiculous sceneries and wants in my mind and then when he doesn't do them I snap.
Half the time he just calls me out on it and I apologize but it's just been happening so often and I know I sound crazy and irrational.
click to expand
It looks like he's a solid guy and you can learn from him. As long as you don't make it difficult for him I don't see why you won't grow as a person in this relationship.
Maybe think twice before expecting something from him? Just asking ourself if it's a fair expectation before you start to accuse him, and that will give you an understanding on your behavior.
And we all have our baggages and I don't see any counter to leave them behind or a timer that says we are ready for another relationship. Things happen on their own.
click to expand
I agree I can grow and learn a lot in this relationship but I know I'm being difficult (I have never been difficult so it's really bothering and upsetting me). He told me the last fight we got in that I'm starting to push him away. "I want to make it work with you, but you are making it difficult"
It was crushing to hear.
That's why I'm trying really hard right now. click to expand
Is he a Taurus by any chance?
I can see why you would be upset... But the good bit is you are trying to be better! Let him know you will work on yourself and tell him how happy you are he calls you out on your BS
Understand why you are doing that... Eg. Are you suspicious? Or do you ask him to give you more time? Whatever it is learn to strike a middle ground. If you would call him ten times per day, then cut it down. Engage in your relationship in a conscious manner.
You can do it... You writing about it and worrying so much means you are ready to make it work. click to expandclick to expand
I'm suspect pus yes, but I also know he isn't up to anything (my ex cheated, he's not my ex aND I basically know in his free time he plays video games, plays guitar or watches sports...he is 100% homebody)
We have a great time when we are together (3 to 4 times a week) but when we are apart I get super anxious.
Yes, I'm making a REAL conscious effort
Posted by jeanePosted by Boots1313Posted by jeane
i think you have to understand why you have the expectations that you do and what they are fulfilling.
eg expecting them to bring you lunch on their day off. is it because you want them to think of you when you are apart? Or spend all their spare time with you? is because you feel you don't spend enough time together? or perhaps you feel they aren't aware of your needs?
it's then a matter of trying to spend more time together or perhaps expressing yourself more where you can feel they get you. those expectations are often just a symptom of another feeling. once you address that feeling, the expectation will not seem that important anymore.
Idk what the real reason would be.
My guy really pursued me hard in the beginning and since he won me over its almost like he just stopped putting in the effort in some aspects.
I told him that and he said "flowers everyday and candle lot dinners once a week just isn't sustainable" (especially for the bank account) I guess I kindnofnmiss the initial wooing
But those efforts have switched to a more "real" standard.
Comfort, ubderstabding, openess...
But part of me is still a brat and thinks he's just going to show up with flowers just because.
I'm making myself laugh at how ridiculous I sound click to expand
comfort, understanding and openness are important and you should probably communicate your feelings if you are sensing a real drop.
not to "victim blame" but are you feeling more sensitive to things as well? i know you had that chat that the l word was said too soon. are you now having reservations that perhaps he is pulling away? is that the case or could you be projecting your own baggage and triggers on him? have you had people in your life that are there one minute and then leave? have you experienced a time where you can't rely on others to stay? have you gone through a period where you've tried to hold someone's attention and failed?
i don't know the answers to any of this and i'm not suggesting this is the case but something perhaps for you to think about. he very well might be contributing to you feeling the way you do but are you contributing to it as well?
are you perhaps testing him? trying to sabotage what you have in order to see how much he will put up with and how much he wants to be with you? if so, stop that. you may end up getting what you want.
the wonderful role in a good relationship is that it forces you grow past prior hurts. maybe this is your opportunity to do that.
and no one knows bulls like a bull, you guys get complacent! you do all the hard work, you've won someone over and then you settle back and enjoy the peace! but if you don't think he is as open or understanding, talk to him about it! there may be something going on with him that he is dealing with too. click to expandclick to expand
Oh man Jeane you nailed it.
A lot of past baggage from my prior failed relationships even my failed relationship with my father has Def been weighing on me lately.
I am subconsciously testing I keep telling myself I'm self sabotaging and to knock it off.
"i know from my own experience the first few months of my relationship brought up a lot of stuff in my past i hadn't really dealt with. as a consequence my relationship became very tumultuous. when i got a better understanding of what in my background that made me sensitive to certain situations i was able to work past it. " this is exactly the situation.
And no, I don't feel like he is pulling back, he said he wants to make it work with me and when we are together he is wonderful and loving.
I'm not fearful about the "L" word situation either. I feel fine with all that. I don't feel like he doesn't care for me. The fact he puts up with me thus far has shown that.
I just want to make it easier on him. He deserves that
Posted by Boots1313Never let go of your expectations.
How does one begin to let go of expectations from a loved one?
I know in a relationship you should hold your s.o to some kind of standard but when you have high expectations feelings are hurt on both ends.
How do you let go of ridiculous expectations and just exist and be happy with what you have?
Your expectations are just placed in the wrong people
Posted by Boots1313Posted by MoonbutterI feel like I'm always doing nice little things for him. The other day he wanted me to come by and watch the basket ball game. I brought over with me a 6 pack of his favorite beer and some snacks.Posted by Boots1313Posted by jeane
i think you have to understand why you have the expectations that you do and what they are fulfilling.
eg expecting them to bring you lunch on their day off. is it because you want them to think of you when you are apart? Or spend all their spare time with you? is because you feel you don't spend enough time together? or perhaps you feel they aren't aware of your needs?
it's then a matter of trying to spend more time together or perhaps expressing yourself more where you can feel they get you. those expectations are often just a symptom of another feeling. once you address that feeling, the expectation will not seem that important anymore.
Idk what the real reason would be.
My guy really pursued me hard in the beginning and since he won me over its almost like he just stopped putting in the effort in some aspects.
I told him that and he said "flowers everyday and candle lot dinners once a week just isn't sustainable" (especially for the bank account) I guess I kindnofnmiss the initial wooing
But those efforts have switched to a more "real" standard.
Comfort, ubderstabding, openess...
But part of me is still a brat and thinks he's just going to show up with flowers just because.
I'm making myself laugh at how ridiculous I sound click to expand
Yeah, that’s perfectly normal. Maybe surprise him with dinner or a treat and he’ll reciprocate. But you guys are in the bonding stage so that’s good... just little efforts to keep the attraction and romance alive. Does he hold the door open for you? Does he pay for every time you guys go out? click to expand
This week I helped him do his laundry and dishes that were piling up.
He still gets the door and pays. He's always a gentleman in that sense.
click to expandclick to expand
I see... so when you visualize the ideal relationship, what do you see? Also, if you bring the beer does he have your favorite snacks on hand? If not, then just say you wish he had for example, Doritos but like in a cute way 😉
Posted by Boots1313Posted by jeaneOh man Jeane you nailed it.Posted by Boots1313Posted by jeane
i think you have to understand why you have the expectations that you do and what they are fulfilling.
eg expecting them to bring you lunch on their day off. is it because you want them to think of you when you are apart? Or spend all their spare time with you? is because you feel you don't spend enough time together? or perhaps you feel they aren't aware of your needs?
it's then a matter of trying to spend more time together or perhaps expressing yourself more where you can feel they get you. those expectations are often just a symptom of another feeling. once you address that feeling, the expectation will not seem that important anymore.
Idk what the real reason would be.
My guy really pursued me hard in the beginning and since he won me over its almost like he just stopped putting in the effort in some aspects.
I told him that and he said "flowers everyday and candle lot dinners once a week just isn't sustainable" (especially for the bank account) I guess I kindnofnmiss the initial wooing
But those efforts have switched to a more "real" standard.
Comfort, ubderstabding, openess...
But part of me is still a brat and thinks he's just going to show up with flowers just because.
I'm making myself laugh at how ridiculous I sound click to expand
comfort, understanding and openness are important and you should probably communicate your feelings if you are sensing a real drop.
not to "victim blame" but are you feeling more sensitive to things as well? i know you had that chat that the l word was said too soon. are you now having reservations that perhaps he is pulling away? is that the case or could you be projecting your own baggage and triggers on him? have you had people in your life that are there one minute and then leave? have you experienced a time where you can't rely on others to stay? have you gone through a period where you've tried to hold someone's attention and failed?
i don't know the answers to any of this and i'm not suggesting this is the case but something perhaps for you to think about. he very well might be contributing to you feeling the way you do but are you contributing to it as well?
are you perhaps testing him? trying to sabotage what you have in order to see how much he will put up with and how much he wants to be with you? if so, stop that. you may end up getting what you want.
the wonderful role in a good relationship is that it forces you grow past prior hurts. maybe this is your opportunity to do that.
and no one knows bulls like a bull, you guys get complacent! you do all the hard work, you've won someone over and then you settle back and enjoy the peace! but if you don't think he is as open or understanding, talk to him about it! there may be something going on with him that he is dealing with too. click to expand
A lot of past baggage from my prior failed relationships even my failed relationship with my father has Def been weighing on me lately.
I am subconsciously testing I keep telling myself I'm self sabotaging and to knock it off.
"i know from my own experience the first few months of my relationship brought up a lot of stuff in my past i hadn't really dealt with. as a consequence my relationship became very tumultuous. when i got a better understanding of what in my background that made me sensitive to certain situations i was able to work past it. " this is exactly the situation.
And no, I don't feel like he is pulling back, he said he wants to make it work with me and when we are together he is wonderful and loving.
I'm not fearful about the "L" word situation either. I feel fine with all that. I don't feel like he doesn't care for me. The fact he puts up with me thus far has shown that.
I just want to make it easier on him. He deserves that
click to expandclick to expand
Does he say he wants to make it work with you? That sounds kinda forced and maybe not the right fit for you. A good, healthy relationship does take work especially in the beginning, but it should never feel like work.
Posted by Boots1313the first step to all of this is awareness and it seems you have that. i would talk to him to give him a bit of context why you are behaving like you are to give him a chance to be understanding and patient. you guys are great with that.Posted by jeaneOh man Jeane you nailed it.Posted by Boots1313Posted by jeane
i think you have to understand why you have the expectations that you do and what they are fulfilling.
eg expecting them to bring you lunch on their day off. is it because you want them to think of you when you are apart? Or spend all their spare time with you? is because you feel you don't spend enough time together? or perhaps you feel they aren't aware of your needs?
it's then a matter of trying to spend more time together or perhaps expressing yourself more where you can feel they get you. those expectations are often just a symptom of another feeling. once you address that feeling, the expectation will not seem that important anymore.
Idk what the real reason would be.
My guy really pursued me hard in the beginning and since he won me over its almost like he just stopped putting in the effort in some aspects.
I told him that and he said "flowers everyday and candle lot dinners once a week just isn't sustainable" (especially for the bank account) I guess I kindnofnmiss the initial wooing
But those efforts have switched to a more "real" standard.
Comfort, ubderstabding, openess...
But part of me is still a brat and thinks he's just going to show up with flowers just because.
I'm making myself laugh at how ridiculous I sound click to expand
comfort, understanding and openness are important and you should probably communicate your feelings if you are sensing a real drop.
not to "victim blame" but are you feeling more sensitive to things as well? i know you had that chat that the l word was said too soon. are you now having reservations that perhaps he is pulling away? is that the case or could you be projecting your own baggage and triggers on him? have you had people in your life that are there one minute and then leave? have you experienced a time where you can't rely on others to stay? have you gone through a period where you've tried to hold someone's attention and failed?
i don't know the answers to any of this and i'm not suggesting this is the case but something perhaps for you to think about. he very well might be contributing to you feeling the way you do but are you contributing to it as well?
are you perhaps testing him? trying to sabotage what you have in order to see how much he will put up with and how much he wants to be with you? if so, stop that. you may end up getting what you want.
the wonderful role in a good relationship is that it forces you grow past prior hurts. maybe this is your opportunity to do that.
and no one knows bulls like a bull, you guys get complacent! you do all the hard work, you've won someone over and then you settle back and enjoy the peace! but if you don't think he is as open or understanding, talk to him about it! there may be something going on with him that he is dealing with too. click to expand
A lot of past baggage from my prior failed relationships even my failed relationship with my father has Def been weighing on me lately.
I am subconsciously testing I keep telling myself I'm self sabotaging and to knock it off.
"i know from my own experience the first few months of my relationship brought up a lot of stuff in my past i hadn't really dealt with. as a consequence my relationship became very tumultuous. when i got a better understanding of what in my background that made me sensitive to certain situations i was able to work past it. " this is exactly the situation.
And no, I don't feel like he is pulling back, he said he wants to make it work with me and when we are together he is wonderful and loving.
I'm not fearful about the "L" word situation either. I feel fine with all that. I don't feel like he doesn't care for me. The fact he puts up with me thus far has shown that.
I just want to make it easier on him. He deserves that
click to expandclick to expand
i realised that a lot of our fights had to do with me. i explained that to my bull, told him about my past and asked him to be patient with me. i gave him all the trigger points i was aware of and then i had to deal with sorting my shit out. i had to think, is that him or is it me being a gnarly bitch? to be honest, it took me a good few years to get most of it out of my system. you just have to be patient with yourself and make a concerted effort to get your head together.
there are still some times where i'm triggered but instead of reacting (read: attacking) first, i let it sit with me for a bit and then try to logically think it through.
realise (and i think you do) that our primitive brain works on fight or flight. we react in an instant when feeling threatened (physically or emotionally). try not to operate from that simple way of thinking.
it sounds like you've got a great guy on your hands and this is a good, promising relationship to help you deal with a lot of your shit - don't fuck it up.
Posted by MoonbutterPosted by Boots1313I see... so when you visualize the ideal relationship, what do you see? Also, if you bring the beer does he have your favorite snacks on hand? If not, then just say you wish he had for example, Doritos but like in a cute way 😉 click to expandPosted by MoonbutterPosted by Boots1313Posted by jeane
i think you have to understand why you have the expectations that you do and what they are fulfilling.
eg expecting them to bring you lunch on their day off. is it because you want them to think of you when you are apart? Or spend all their spare time with you? is because you feel you don't spend enough time together? or perhaps you feel they aren't aware of your needs?
it's then a matter of trying to spend more time together or perhaps expressing yourself more where you can feel they get you. those expectations are often just a symptom of another feeling. once you address that feeling, the expectation will not seem that important anymore.
Idk what the real reason would be.
My guy really pursued me hard in the beginning and since he won me over its almost like he just stopped putting in the effort in some aspects.
I told him that and he said "flowers everyday and candle lot dinners once a week just isn't sustainable" (especially for the bank account) I guess I kindnofnmiss the initial wooing
But those efforts have switched to a more "real" standard.
Comfort, ubderstabding, openess...
But part of me is still a brat and thinks he's just going to show up with flowers just because.
I'm making myself laugh at how ridiculous I sound click to expand
Yeah, that’s perfectly normal. Maybe surprise him with dinner or a treat and he’ll reciprocate. But you guys are in the bonding stage so that’s good... just little efforts to keep the attraction and romance alive. Does he hold the door open for you? Does he pay for every time you guys go out? click to expand
I feel like I'm always doing nice little things for him. The other day he wanted me to come by and watch the basket ball game. I brought over with me a 6 pack of his favorite beer and some snacks.
This week I helped him do his laundry and dishes that were piling up.
He still gets the door and pays. He's always a gentleman in that sense.
click to expandclick to expand
Lol I think you just clicked something in .y head. No he doesn't have the snacks on hand. But he said to me "hey b.b, what kind of snacks do you like? I'll try to stock my pantry for you" but then he doesnt.
This is part of the issue, he says he is going to do things, and then doesnt.
Lazy Taurus perhaps?
Posted by MoonbutterPosted by Boots1313Does he say he wants to make it work with you? That sounds kinda forced and maybe not the right fit for you. A good, healthy relationship does take work especially in the beginning, but it should never feel like work. click to expandPosted by jeanePosted by Boots1313Posted by jeane
i think you have to understand why you have the expectations that you do and what they are fulfilling.
eg expecting them to bring you lunch on their day off. is it because you want them to think of you when you are apart? Or spend all their spare time with you? is because you feel you don't spend enough time together? or perhaps you feel they aren't aware of your needs?
it's then a matter of trying to spend more time together or perhaps expressing yourself more where you can feel they get you. those expectations are often just a symptom of another feeling. once you address that feeling, the expectation will not seem that important anymore.
Idk what the real reason would be.
My guy really pursued me hard in the beginning and since he won me over its almost like he just stopped putting in the effort in some aspects.
I told him that and he said "flowers everyday and candle lot dinners once a week just isn't sustainable" (especially for the bank account) I guess I kindnofnmiss the initial wooing
But those efforts have switched to a more "real" standard.
Comfort, ubderstabding, openess...
But part of me is still a brat and thinks he's just going to show up with flowers just because.
I'm making myself laugh at how ridiculous I sound click to expand
comfort, understanding and openness are important and you should probably communicate your feelings if you are sensing a real drop.
not to "victim blame" but are you feeling more sensitive to things as well? i know you had that chat that the l word was said too soon. are you now having reservations that perhaps he is pulling away? is that the case or could you be projecting your own baggage and triggers on him? have you had people in your life that are there one minute and then leave? have you experienced a time where you can't rely on others to stay? have you gone through a period where you've tried to hold someone's attention and failed?
i don't know the answers to any of this and i'm not suggesting this is the case but something perhaps for you to think about. he very well might be contributing to you feeling the way you do but are you contributing to it as well?
are you perhaps testing him? trying to sabotage what you have in order to see how much he will put up with and how much he wants to be with you? if so, stop that. you may end up getting what you want.
the wonderful role in a good relationship is that it forces you grow past prior hurts. maybe this is your opportunity to do that.
and no one knows bulls like a bull, you guys get complacent! you do all the hard work, you've won someone over and then you settle back and enjoy the peace! but if you don't think he is as open or understanding, talk to him about it! there may be something going on with him that he is dealing with too. click to expand
Oh man Jeane you nailed it.
A lot of past baggage from my prior failed relationships even my failed relationship with my father has Def been weighing on me lately.
I am subconsciously testing I keep telling myself I'm self sabotaging and to knock it off.
"i know from my own experience the first few months of my relationship brought up a lot of stuff in my past i hadn't really dealt with. as a consequence my relationship became very tumultuous. when i got a better understanding of what in my background that made me sensitive to certain situations i was able to work past it. " this is exactly the situation.
And no, I don't feel like he is pulling back, he said he wants to make it work with me and when we are together he is wonderful and loving.
I'm not fearful about the "L" word situation either. I feel fine with all that. I don't feel like he doesn't care for me. The fact he puts up with me thus far has shown that.
I just want to make it easier on him. He deserves that
click to expandclick to expand
Our last fight was super petty it was tuesday. At the end he said "what I like about you is you are easily entertained, we don't need to always be doing high brow things. You are just happy being with me. I want to make this work with you. That has been a little difficult lately. Can we go back to just being natural and enjoying eachother?" I said yes. I will try. And he said "you were right. I've been single a long time. I forgot that relationships are hard work. Wanna stay get dinner and over tonight?"
Posted by jeanePosted by Boots1313Posted by jeanePosted by Boots1313Posted by jeane
i think you have to understand why you have the expectations that you do and what they are fulfilling.
eg expecting them to bring you lunch on their day off. is it because you want them to think of you when you are apart? Or spend all their spare time with you? is because you feel you don't spend enough time together? or perhaps you feel they aren't aware of your needs?
it's then a matter of trying to spend more time together or perhaps expressing yourself more where you can feel they get you. those expectations are often just a symptom of another feeling. once you address that feeling, the expectation will not seem that important anymore.
Idk what the real reason would be.
My guy really pursued me hard in the beginning and since he won me over its almost like he just stopped putting in the effort in some aspects.
I told him that and he said "flowers everyday and candle lot dinners once a week just isn't sustainable" (especially for the bank account) I guess I kindnofnmiss the initial wooing
But those efforts have switched to a more "real" standard.
Comfort, ubderstabding, openess...
But part of me is still a brat and thinks he's just going to show up with flowers just because.
I'm making myself laugh at how ridiculous I sound click to expand
comfort, understanding and openness are important and you should probably communicate your feelings if you are sensing a real drop.
not to "victim blame" but are you feeling more sensitive to things as well? i know you had that chat that the l word was said too soon. are you now having reservations that perhaps he is pulling away? is that the case or could you be projecting your own baggage and triggers on him? have you had people in your life that are there one minute and then leave? have you experienced a time where you can't rely on others to stay? have you gone through a period where you've tried to hold someone's attention and failed?
i don't know the answers to any of this and i'm not suggesting this is the case but something perhaps for you to think about. he very well might be contributing to you feeling the way you do but are you contributing to it as well?
are you perhaps testing him? trying to sabotage what you have in order to see how much he will put up with and how much he wants to be with you? if so, stop that. you may end up getting what you want.
the wonderful role in a good relationship is that it forces you grow past prior hurts. maybe this is your opportunity to do that.
and no one knows bulls like a bull, you guys get complacent! you do all the hard work, you've won someone over and then you settle back and enjoy the peace! but if you don't think he is as open or understanding, talk to him about it! there may be something going on with him that he is dealing with too. click to expand
Oh man Jeane you nailed it.
A lot of past baggage from my prior failed relationships even my failed relationship with my father has Def been weighing on me lately.
I am subconsciously testing I keep telling myself I'm self sabotaging and to knock it off.
"i know from my own experience the first few months of my relationship brought up a lot of stuff in my past i hadn't really dealt with. as a consequence my relationship became very tumultuous. when i got a better understanding of what in my background that made me sensitive to certain situations i was able to work past it. " this is exactly the situation.
And no, I don't feel like he is pulling back, he said he wants to make it work with me and when we are together he is wonderful and loving.
I'm not fearful about the "L" word situation either. I feel fine with all that. I don't feel like he doesn't care for me. The fact he puts up with me thus far has shown that.
I just want to make it easier on him. He deserves that
click to expand
the first step to all of this is awareness and it seems you have that. i would talk to him to give him a bit of context why you are behaving like you are to give him a chance to be understanding and patient. you guys are great with that.
i realised that a lot of our fights had to do with me. i explained that to my bull, told him about my past and asked him to be patient with me. i gave him all the trigger points i was aware of and then i had to deal with sorting my butter out. i had to think, is that him or is it me being a gnarly cookiemonster? to be honest, it took me a good few years to get most of it out of my system. you just have to be patient with yourself and make a concerted effort to get your head together.
there are still some times where i'm triggered but instead of reacting (read: attacking) first, i let it sit with me for a bit and then try to logically think it through.
realise (and i think you do) that our primitive brain works on fight or flight. we react in an instant when feeling threatened (physically or emotionally). try not to operate from that simple way of thinking.
it sounds like you've got a great guy on your hands and this is a good, promising relationship to help you deal with a lot of your butter - don't treetrunk it up. click to expandclick to expand
Thank you.
Everything you said is accurate. It just had to come from me. And he knows my past and hurt, and I know of his that's why he is very patient with me and still around. I have given him a 1000 reasons to leave and he hasnt because I know he knows why I act like I Do. However, I shouldn't take advantage of that and that's why I'm here.
Have you ever thought of writing a book? You have such an eloquent way with words!
Tha k you everyone. This post actually had put a lot into perspective for me and I'm realizing I have a really great guy. So that helps me realize I should be grateful, present and content with what I have.
That automatically limits my expectations and makes me just wanna give my bull a big ummm..*hug*
That automatically limits my expectations and makes me just wanna give my bull a big ummm..*hug*
Posted by Boots1313thanks.Posted by jeaneThank you.Posted by Boots1313Posted by jeanePosted by Boots1313Posted by jeane
i think you have to understand why you have the expectations that you do and what they are fulfilling.
eg expecting them to bring you lunch on their day off. is it because you want them to think of you when you are apart? Or spend all their spare time with you? is because you feel you don't spend enough time together? or perhaps you feel they aren't aware of your needs?
it's then a matter of trying to spend more time together or perhaps expressing yourself more where you can feel they get you. those expectations are often just a symptom of another feeling. once you address that feeling, the expectation will not seem that important anymore.
Idk what the real reason would be.
My guy really pursued me hard in the beginning and since he won me over its almost like he just stopped putting in the effort in some aspects.
I told him that and he said "flowers everyday and candle lot dinners once a week just isn't sustainable" (especially for the bank account) I guess I kindnofnmiss the initial wooing
But those efforts have switched to a more "real" standard.
Comfort, ubderstabding, openess...
But part of me is still a brat and thinks he's just going to show up with flowers just because.
I'm making myself laugh at how ridiculous I sound click to expand
comfort, understanding and openness are important and you should probably communicate your feelings if you are sensing a real drop.
not to "victim blame" but are you feeling more sensitive to things as well? i know you had that chat that the l word was said too soon. are you now having reservations that perhaps he is pulling away? is that the case or could you be projecting your own baggage and triggers on him? have you had people in your life that are there one minute and then leave? have you experienced a time where you can't rely on others to stay? have you gone through a period where you've tried to hold someone's attention and failed?
i don't know the answers to any of this and i'm not suggesting this is the case but something perhaps for you to think about. he very well might be contributing to you feeling the way you do but are you contributing to it as well?
are you perhaps testing him? trying to sabotage what you have in order to see how much he will put up with and how much he wants to be with you? if so, stop that. you may end up getting what you want.
the wonderful role in a good relationship is that it forces you grow past prior hurts. maybe this is your opportunity to do that.
and no one knows bulls like a bull, you guys get complacent! you do all the hard work, you've won someone over and then you settle back and enjoy the peace! but if you don't think he is as open or understanding, talk to him about it! there may be something going on with him that he is dealing with too. click to expand
Oh man Jeane you nailed it.
A lot of past baggage from my prior failed relationships even my failed relationship with my father has Def been weighing on me lately.
I am subconsciously testing I keep telling myself I'm self sabotaging and to knock it off.
"i know from my own experience the first few months of my relationship brought up a lot of stuff in my past i hadn't really dealt with. as a consequence my relationship became very tumultuous. when i got a better understanding of what in my background that made me sensitive to certain situations i was able to work past it. " this is exactly the situation.
And no, I don't feel like he is pulling back, he said he wants to make it work with me and when we are together he is wonderful and loving.
I'm not fearful about the "L" word situation either. I feel fine with all that. I don't feel like he doesn't care for me. The fact he puts up with me thus far has shown that.
I just want to make it easier on him. He deserves that
click to expand
the first step to all of this is awareness and it seems you have that. i would talk to him to give him a bit of context why you are behaving like you are to give him a chance to be understanding and patient. you guys are great with that.
i realised that a lot of our fights had to do with me. i explained that to my bull, told him about my past and asked him to be patient with me. i gave him all the trigger points i was aware of and then i had to deal with sorting my butter out. i had to think, is that him or is it me being a gnarly cookiemonster? to be honest, it took me a good few years to get most of it out of my system. you just have to be patient with yourself and make a concerted effort to get your head together.
there are still some times where i'm triggered but instead of reacting (read: attacking) first, i let it sit with me for a bit and then try to logically think it through.
realise (and i think you do) that our primitive brain works on fight or flight. we react in an instant when feeling threatened (physically or emotionally). try not to operate from that simple way of thinking.
it sounds like you've got a great guy on your hands and this is a good, promising relationship to help you deal with a lot of your butter - don't treetrunk it up. click to expand
Everything you said is accurate. It just had to come from me. And he knows my past and hurt, and I know of his that's why he is very patient with me and still around. I have given him a 1000 reasons to leave and he hasnt because I know he knows why I act like I Do. However, I shouldn't take advantage of that and that's why I'm here.
Have you ever thought of writing a book? You have such an eloquent way with words! click to expandclick to expand
i have complete faith in you! it seems you are going in the right direction. don't worry about the speed bumps along the way, they are a positive sign and when you come out the other side of it, you'll be a lot better and stronger for it. remember muscles only grow when put under pressure. you two are going to fight, there is going to be hurt and disappointment on both sides. it's how you deal with it that matters.
Posted by Boots1313Posted by MoonbutterLol I think you just clicked something in .y head. No he doesn't have the snacks on hand. But he said to me "hey b.b, what kind of snacks do you like? I'll try to stock my pantry for you" but then he doesnt.Posted by Boots1313Posted by MoonbutterPosted by Boots1313Posted by jeane
i think you have to understand why you have the expectations that you do and what they are fulfilling.
eg expecting them to bring you lunch on their day off. is it because you want them to think of you when you are apart? Or spend all their spare time with you? is because you feel you don't spend enough time together? or perhaps you feel they aren't aware of your needs?
it's then a matter of trying to spend more time together or perhaps expressing yourself more where you can feel they get you. those expectations are often just a symptom of another feeling. once you address that feeling, the expectation will not seem that important anymore.
Idk what the real reason would be.
My guy really pursued me hard in the beginning and since he won me over its almost like he just stopped putting in the effort in some aspects.
I told him that and he said "flowers everyday and candle lot dinners once a week just isn't sustainable" (especially for the bank account) I guess I kindnofnmiss the initial wooing
But those efforts have switched to a more "real" standard.
Comfort, ubderstabding, openess...
But part of me is still a brat and thinks he's just going to show up with flowers just because.
I'm making myself laugh at how ridiculous I sound click to expand
Yeah, that’s perfectly normal. Maybe surprise him with dinner or a treat and he’ll reciprocate. But you guys are in the bonding stage so that’s good... just little efforts to keep the attraction and romance alive. Does he hold the door open for you? Does he pay for every time you guys go out? click to expand
I feel like I'm always doing nice little things for him. The other day he wanted me to come by and watch the basket ball game. I brought over with me a 6 pack of his favorite beer and some snacks.
This week I helped him do his laundry and dishes that were piling up.
He still gets the door and pays. He's always a gentleman in that sense.
click to expand
I see... so when you visualize the ideal relationship, what do you see? Also, if you bring the beer does he have your favorite snacks on hand? If not, then just say you wish he had for example, Doritos but like in a cute way 😉 click to expand
This is part of the issue, he says he is going to do things, and then doesnt.
Lazy Taurus perhaps? click to expandclick to expand
Hmm soo he’s lacking follow-through. Not good, he’s taking you for granted a bit or just being lazy which is kinda the same. Does he smoke weed? Drink a lot? This just doesn’t sound promising like he can’t get himself motivated. How long you guys been together?
Posted by Boots1313Posted by MoonbutterOur last fight was super petty it was tuesday. At the end he said "what I like about you is you are easily entertained, we don't need to always be doing high brow things. You are just happy being with me. I want to make this work with you. That has been a little difficult lately. Can we go back to just being natural and enjoying eachother?" I said yes. I will try. And he said "you were right. I've been single a long time. I forgot that relationships are hard work. Wanna stay get dinner and over tonight?"Posted by Boots1313Posted by jeanePosted by Boots1313Posted by jeane
i think you have to understand why you have the expectations that you do and what they are fulfilling.
eg expecting them to bring you lunch on their day off. is it because you want them to think of you when you are apart? Or spend all their spare time with you? is because you feel you don't spend enough time together? or perhaps you feel they aren't aware of your needs?
it's then a matter of trying to spend more time together or perhaps expressing yourself more where you can feel they get you. those expectations are often just a symptom of another feeling. once you address that feeling, the expectation will not seem that important anymore.
Idk what the real reason would be.
My guy really pursued me hard in the beginning and since he won me over its almost like he just stopped putting in the effort in some aspects.
I told him that and he said "flowers everyday and candle lot dinners once a week just isn't sustainable" (especially for the bank account) I guess I kindnofnmiss the initial wooing
But those efforts have switched to a more "real" standard.
Comfort, ubderstabding, openess...
But part of me is still a brat and thinks he's just going to show up with flowers just because.
I'm making myself laugh at how ridiculous I sound click to expand
comfort, understanding and openness are important and you should probably communicate your feelings if you are sensing a real drop.
not to "victim blame" but are you feeling more sensitive to things as well? i know you had that chat that the l word was said too soon. are you now having reservations that perhaps he is pulling away? is that the case or could you be projecting your own baggage and triggers on him? have you had people in your life that are there one minute and then leave? have you experienced a time where you can't rely on others to stay? have you gone through a period where you've tried to hold someone's attention and failed?
i don't know the answers to any of this and i'm not suggesting this is the case but something perhaps for you to think about. he very well might be contributing to you feeling the way you do but are you contributing to it as well?
are you perhaps testing him? trying to sabotage what you have in order to see how much he will put up with and how much he wants to be with you? if so, stop that. you may end up getting what you want.
the wonderful role in a good relationship is that it forces you grow past prior hurts. maybe this is your opportunity to do that.
and no one knows bulls like a bull, you guys get complacent! you do all the hard work, you've won someone over and then you settle back and enjoy the peace! but if you don't think he is as open or understanding, talk to him about it! there may be something going on with him that he is dealing with too. click to expand
Oh man Jeane you nailed it.
A lot of past baggage from my prior failed relationships even my failed relationship with my father has Def been weighing on me lately.
I am subconsciously testing I keep telling myself I'm self sabotaging and to knock it off.
"i know from my own experience the first few months of my relationship brought up a lot of stuff in my past i hadn't really dealt with. as a consequence my relationship became very tumultuous. when i got a better understanding of what in my background that made me sensitive to certain situations i was able to work past it. " this is exactly the situation.
And no, I don't feel like he is pulling back, he said he wants to make it work with me and when we are together he is wonderful and loving.
I'm not fearful about the "L" word situation either. I feel fine with all that. I don't feel like he doesn't care for me. The fact he puts up with me thus far has shown that.
I just want to make it easier on him. He deserves that
click to expand
Does he say he wants to make it work with you? That sounds kinda forced and maybe not the right fit for you. A good, healthy relationship does take work especially in the beginning, but it should never feel like work. click to expand
click to expandclick to expand
Yeah, petty fights but as long you work through the issues that’s good. Ultimately you know deep down if this is right for you so I wish you both the best 🤗
Posted by MoonbutterPosted by Boots1313Hmm soo he’s lacking follow-through. Not good, he’s taking you for granted a bit or just being lazy which is kinda the same. Does he smoke weed? Drink a lot? This just doesn’t sound promising like he can’t get himself motivated. How long you guys been together? click to expandPosted by MoonbutterPosted by Boots1313Posted by MoonbutterPosted by Boots1313Posted by jeane
i think you have to understand why you have the expectations that you do and what they are fulfilling.
eg expecting them to bring you lunch on their day off. is it because you want them to think of you when you are apart? Or spend all their spare time with you? is because you feel you don't spend enough time together? or perhaps you feel they aren't aware of your needs?
it's then a matter of trying to spend more time together or perhaps expressing yourself more where you can feel they get you. those expectations are often just a symptom of another feeling. once you address that feeling, the expectation will not seem that important anymore.
Idk what the real reason would be.
My guy really pursued me hard in the beginning and since he won me over its almost like he just stopped putting in the effort in some aspects.
I told him that and he said "flowers everyday and candle lot dinners once a week just isn't sustainable" (especially for the bank account) I guess I kindnofnmiss the initial wooing
But those efforts have switched to a more "real" standard.
Comfort, ubderstabding, openess...
But part of me is still a brat and thinks he's just going to show up with flowers just because.
I'm making myself laugh at how ridiculous I sound click to expand
Yeah, that’s perfectly normal. Maybe surprise him with dinner or a treat and he’ll reciprocate. But you guys are in the bonding stage so that’s good... just little efforts to keep the attraction and romance alive. Does he hold the door open for you? Does he pay for every time you guys go out? click to expand
I feel like I'm always doing nice little things for him. The other day he wanted me to come by and watch the basket ball game. I brought over with me a 6 pack of his favorite beer and some snacks.
This week I helped him do his laundry and dishes that were piling up.
He still gets the door and pays. He's always a gentleman in that sense.
click to expand
I see... so when you visualize the ideal relationship, what do you see? Also, if you bring the beer does he have your favorite snacks on hand? If not, then just say you wish he had for example, Doritos but like in a cute way 😉 click to expand
Lol I think you just clicked something in .y head. No he doesn't have the snacks on hand. But he said to me "hey b.b, what kind of snacks do you like? I'll try to stock my pantry for you" but then he doesnt.
This is part of the issue, he says he is going to do things, and then doesnt.
Lazy Taurus perhaps? click to expandclick to expand
he smokes pot. He works a lot too 12 hour days on top of travel time so he does a lot of "relaxing and unwinding " when he gets home. In his defense in doesn't follow through even on his own things...he's been going grocery shopping for a month now...
We have only been together 3 months. Known each other a little over a year
Posted by Boots1313Posted by Moonbutterhe smokes pot. He works a lot too 12 hour days on top of travel time so he does a lot of "relaxing and unwinding " when he gets home. In his defense in doesn't follow through even on his own things...he's been going grocery shopping for a month now...Posted by Boots1313Posted by MoonbutterPosted by Boots1313Posted by MoonbutterPosted by Boots1313Posted by jeane
i think you have to understand why you have the expectations that you do and what they are fulfilling.
eg expecting them to bring you lunch on their day off. is it because you want them to think of you when you are apart? Or spend all their spare time with you? is because you feel you don't spend enough time together? or perhaps you feel they aren't aware of your needs?
it's then a matter of trying to spend more time together or perhaps expressing yourself more where you can feel they get you. those expectations are often just a symptom of another feeling. once you address that feeling, the expectation will not seem that important anymore.
Idk what the real reason would be.
My guy really pursued me hard in the beginning and since he won me over its almost like he just stopped putting in the effort in some aspects.
I told him that and he said "flowers everyday and candle lot dinners once a week just isn't sustainable" (especially for the bank account) I guess I kindnofnmiss the initial wooing
But those efforts have switched to a more "real" standard.
Comfort, ubderstabding, openess...
But part of me is still a brat and thinks he's just going to show up with flowers just because.
I'm making myself laugh at how ridiculous I sound click to expand
Yeah, that’s perfectly normal. Maybe surprise him with dinner or a treat and he’ll reciprocate. But you guys are in the bonding stage so that’s good... just little efforts to keep the attraction and romance alive. Does he hold the door open for you? Does he pay for every time you guys go out? click to expand
I feel like I'm always doing nice little things for him. The other day he wanted me to come by and watch the basket ball game. I brought over with me a 6 pack of his favorite beer and some snacks.
This week I helped him do his laundry and dishes that were piling up.
He still gets the door and pays. He's always a gentleman in that sense.
click to expand
I see... so when you visualize the ideal relationship, what do you see? Also, if you bring the beer does he have your favorite snacks on hand? If not, then just say you wish he had for example, Doritos but like in a cute way 😉 click to expand
Lol I think you just clicked something in .y head. No he doesn't have the snacks on hand. But he said to me "hey b.b, what kind of snacks do you like? I'll try to stock my pantry for you" but then he doesnt.
This is part of the issue, he says he is going to do things, and then doesnt.
Lazy Taurus perhaps? click to expand
Hmm soo he’s lacking follow-through. Not good, he’s taking you for granted a bit or just being lazy which is kinda the same. Does he smoke weed? Drink a lot? This just doesn’t sound promising like he can’t get himself motivated. How long you guys been together? click to expand
We have only been together 3 months. Known each other a little over a year click to expandclick to expand
Ok, just don’t get complacent and allow things to just be be and make excuses for him. I had an ex like that kinda, except he was super attentive but never wanted to leave his place(I mean his parent’s) 🤦🏻♀️
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Hey there,
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